Republic, N. A Nation In Which, The Thing Governing And The Thing Governed Being The Same, There Is Only A Permitted Authority To Enforce An Optional Obedience.

-Ambrose Bierce

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Republic, N. A Nation

Ambrose Bierce

Republic, N. A Nation In Which, The Thing Governing And The Thing Governed Being The Same, There Is Only A Permitted Authority To Enforce An Optional Obedience.

Topic

Republic

Obedience

Authority

More From Ambrose Bierce

Linen, N. "a Kind Of Cloth The Making Of Which, When Made Of Hemp, Entails A Great Waste Of Hemp."

Kindness

Waste

Hemp

All Are Lunatics, But He Who Can Analyze His Delusions Is Called A Philosopher.

Insanity

Philosopher

Delusional

A Lottery Is A Tax On Stupidity.

Stupidity

Taxes

Lottery

Scribbler, N. A Professional Writer Whose Views Are Antagonistic To One's Own.

Writing

Views

Self-evident, Adj. Evident To One's Self And To Nobody Else.

Self

Evident

Realism, N. The Art Of Depicting Nature As It Is Seem By Toads. The Charm Suffusing A Landscape Painted By A Mole, Or A Story Written By A Measuring-worm.

Art

Nature

Moles

Neighbor, N. One Whom We Are Commanded To Love As Ourselves, And Who Does All He Knows How To Make Us Disobedient.

Love

Funny

Humor

Convent - A Place Of Retirement For Women Who Wish For Leisure To Meditate Upon The Sin Of Idleness.

Retirement

Women

Judging

Prescription: A Physician's Guess At What Will Best Prolong The Situation With Least Harm To The Patient.

Physicians

Literature

Patient

Irreligion - The Principal One Of The Great Faiths Of The World.

Religion

Atheism

World

Day, N. A Period Of Twenty-four Hours, Mostly Misspent.

Time

Twenties

Four

Pleasure, N. The Least Hateful Form Of Dejection.

Hateful

Pleasure

Form

Infidel, N. In New York, One Who Does Not Believe In The Christian Religion; In Constantinople, One Who Does.

Christian

New York

Believe

Elegy, N. A Composition In Verse, In Which, Without Employing Any Of The Methods Of Humor, The Writer Aims To Produce In The Reader's Mind The Dampest Kind Of Dejection.

Mind

Kind

Produce

Woman, N. An Animal Usually Living In The Vicinity Of Man, And Having A Rudimentary Susceptibility To Domestication.

Life

Women

Animal

Dejeuner, N. The Breakfast Of An American Who Has Been In Paris. Variously Pronounced.

Food

Paris

Cooking

Abstainer: A Weak Person Who Yields To The Temptation Of Denying Himself A Pleasure.

Motivational

Drinking

Beer

When Publicly Censured Our First Instinct Is To Make Everybody A Codefendant.

Firsts

Instinct

Human Nature Is Pretty Well Balanced; For Every Lacking Virtue There Is A Rough Substitute That Will Serve At A Pinch--as Cunning Is The Wisdom Of The Unwise, And Ferocity The Courage Of The Coward.

Coward

Human Nature

Virtue

Perfection, N. An Imaginary State Of Quality Distinguished From The Actual By An Element Known As Excellence; An Attribute Of The Critic. The Editor Of An English Magazine Having Received A Letter Pointing Out The Erroneous Nature Of His Views And Style, And Signed "perfection," Promptly Wrote At The Foot Of The Letter: "i Don't Agree With You," And Mailed It To Matthew Arnold.

Views

Editors

Feet

A Book Which The Mohammedans Foolishly Believe To Have Been Written By Divine Inspiration, But Which Christians Know To Be A Wicked Imposture, Contradictory To The Holy Scriptures.

Christian

Believe

Book

Imagination, N. A Warehouse Of Facts, With Poet And Liar In Joint Ownership.

Liars

Science

Imagination

Compulsion, N. The Eloquence Of Power.

Power

Compulsion

Eloquence

An Old Wine-bibber Having Been Smashed In A Railway Collision, Some Wine Was Poured On His Lips To Revive Him.

Wine

Lips

Connoisseur

Homicide, /n./ The Slaying Of One Human By Another. There Are Four Kinds Of Homicide: Felonious, Excusable, Justifiable, And Praiseworthy, But It Makes No Great Difference To The Person Slain Whether He Died By One Kind Or Another - The Classification Is For The Advantage Of The Lawyers.

Death

Suicide

Differences

Eulogy. Praise Of A Person Who Has Either The Advantages Of Wealth And Power, Or The Consideration To Be Dead.

Power

Eulogy

Wealth

A Violin Is The Revenge Exacted By The Intestines Of A Dead Cat.

Revenge

Cat

Violin

Loquacity, N. A Disorder Which Renders The Sufferer Unable To Curb His Tongue When You Wish To Talk.

Wish

Tongue

Disorder

General," Said The Commander Of The Delinquent Brigade, "i Am Persuaded That Any Further Display Of Valor By My Troops Will Bring Them Into Collision With The Enemy.

Funny

Military

Enemy

Litigation: A Machine Which You Go Into As A Pig And Come Out Of As A Sausage.

Pigs

Law

Machines

When In Rome, Do As Rome Does.

Rome

Cities

Doe

Erudition - Dust Shaken Out Of A Book Into An Empty Skull.

Book

Dust

Skulls

Nobleman, N. Nature's Provision For Wealthy American Minds Ambitious To Incur Social Distinction And Suffer High Life.

Life

Nature

Mind

Magnitude, N. Size [that Is] Purely Relative. If Everything In The Universe Were Increased 1,000 Diameters Nothing Would Be Any Larger Than It Was Before, But If One Thing Remain Unchanged All The Others Would Be Larger Than They Had Been.

Would Be

Size

Magnitude

Inexpedient: Not Calculated To Advance One's Interests.

Nihilism

Interest

Book - Learning : The Dunce's Derisive Term For All Knowledge That Transcends His Own Impertinent Ignorance.

Book

Ignorance

Knowledge

Certain Old Men Prefer To Rise At Dawn, Taking A Cold Bath And A Long Walk With An Empty Stomach And Otherwise Mortifying The Flesh. They Then Point With Pride To These Practices As The Cause Of Their Sturdy Health And Ripe Years; The Truth Being That They Are Hearty And Old, Not Because Of Their Habits, But In Spite Of Them. The Reason We Find Only Robust Persons Doing This Thing Is That It Has Killed All The Others Who Have Tried It.

Crazy

Pride

Men

A Comely Female Inhabiting The Mohammedan Paradise To Make Things Cheery For The Good Mussulman, Whose Belief In Her Existence Marks A Noble Discontent With His Earthly Spouse, Whom He Denies A Soul.

Soul

Atheism

Female

Carnivorous, Adj. Addicted To The Cruelty Of Devouring The Timorous Vegetarian, His Heirs And Assigns.

Sarcastic

Science

Heirs

Reparation, N. Satisfaction That Is Made For A Wrong And Deducted From The Satisfaction Felt In Committing It.

Satisfaction

Made

Felt

Lexicographer, N. A Pestilent Fellow Who, Under The Pretense Of Recording Some Particular Stage In The Development Of A Language, Does What He Can To Arrest Its Growth, Stiffen Its Flexibility And Mechanize Its Methods.

Growth

Lexicographer

Doe

No Country Is So Wild And Difficult But Men Will Make It A Theater Of War.

Country

War

Men

Recollect, V. To Recall With Additions Something Not Previously Known.

Recalls

Known

Occident: The Part Of The World Lying West (or East) Of The Orient. It Is Largely Inhabited By Christians, A Powerful Subtribe Of The Hypocrites, Whose Principal Industries Are Murder And Cheating, Which They Are Pleased To Call War And Commerce. These, Also, Are The Principal Industries Of The Orient.

Christian

Cheating

Powerful

Lottery: A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math.

Inspirational

Money

Math

Honorable, Adj.: Afflicted With An Impediment In One's Reach. In Legislative Bodies, It Is Customary To Mention All Members As Honorable; As, "the Honorable Gentleman Is A Scurvy Cur.".

Gentleman

Affliction

Body

Infalapsarian, N. One Who Ventures To Believe That Adam Need Not Have Sinned Unless He Had A Mind To - In Opposition To The Supralapsarians, Who Hold That That Luckless Person's Fall Was Decreed From The Beginning.

Believe

Fall

Mind

Mind, N. A Mysterious Form Of Matter Secreted By The Brain. Its Chief Activity Consists In The Endeavour To Ascertain Its Own Nature, The Futility Of The Attempt Being Due To The Fact That It Has Nothing But Itself To Know Itself With.

Nature

Science

Brain

The Bold And Discerning Writer Who, Recognizing The Truth That Language Must Grow By Innovation If It Grow At All, Makes New Words And Uses The Old In An Unfamiliar Sense Has No Following And Is Tartly Reminded That 'it Isn't In The Dictionary' - Although Down To The Time Of The First Lexicographer No Author Ever Had Used A Word That Was In The Dictionary.

Innovation

Lexicographer

Use

Bacchus, N.: A Convenient Deity Invented By The Ancients As An Excuse For Getting Drunk.

Food

Wine

Drunk

When You Have Made A Catalogue Of Your Friend's Faults It Is Only Fair To Supply Him With A Duplicate, So That He May Know Yours.

May

Faults

Made

Nominate, V. To Designate For The Heaviest Political Assessment. To Put Forward A Suitable Person To Incur The Mudgobbling And Deadcatting Of The Opposition.

Assessment

Political

Politics

Gnu, N. An Animal Of South Africa, Which In Its Domesticated State Resembles A Horse, A Buffalo And A Stag. In Its Wild Condition It Is Something Like A Thunderbolt, An Earthquake And A Cyclone.

Horse

Animal

Earthquakes

In Each Human Heart Are A Tiger, A Pig, An Ass And A Nightingale. Diversity Of Character Is Due To Their Unequal Activity.

Funny

Integrity

Heart

Ethnology, N. The Science That Treats Of The Various Tribes Of Man, As Robbers, Thieves, Swindlers, Dunces, Lunatics, Idiots And Ethnologists.

Science

Men

Thieves

The Palmist Looks At The Wrinkles Made By Closing The Hand And Says They Signify Character. The Philosopher Reads Character By What The Hand Most Loves To Close Upon.

Character

Wrinkles

Hands

Experience Is A Revelation In The Light Of Which We Renounce Our Errors Of Youth For Those Of Age.

Birthday

Errors

Light

Revolution, N. In Politics, An Abrupt Change In The Form Of Misgovernment. . . . The Substitution Of The Rule Of An Administration For That Of A Ministry, Whereby The Welfare And Happiness Of The People Were Advanced A Full Half-inch.

Change

Happiness

People

When Prosperous The Fool Trembles For The Evil That Is To Come; In Adversity The Philosopher Smiles For The Good That He Has Had.

Adversity

Evil

Fool

Religion. A Daughter Of Hope And Fear, Explaining To Ignorance The Nature Of The Unknowable.

Daughter

Religious

Nature

Private, N. A Military Gentleman With A Field-marshal's Baton In His Knapsack And An Impediment In His Hope.

Hope

Military

Gentleman

Insurance - An Ingenious Modern Game Of Chance In Which The Player Is Permitted To Enjoy The Comfortable Conviction That He Is Beating The Man Who Keeps The Table.

Player

Men

Gambling

Nature's Fortuitous Manifestation Of Her Purposeless Objectionableness.

Nature

Science

Admonition

Ink, N. A Villainous Compound Of Tannogallate Of Iron, Gum-arabic, And Water, Chiefly Used To Facilitate The Infection Of Idiocy And Promote Intellectual Crime.

Iron

Water

Intellectual

Nectar, N. A Drink Served At Banquets Of The Olympian Deities. The Secret Of Its Preparation Is Lost, But The Modern Kentuckians Believe That They Come Pretty Near To A Knowledge Of Its Chief Ingredient.

Believe

Preparation

Secret

To Dogmatism The Spirit Of Inquiry Is The Same As The Spirit Of Evil.

Evil

Inquiry

Spirit

Pessimism- Philosophy Forced Upon The Convictions Of The Observer By The Disheartening Prevalence Of The Optimist With His Scarecrow Hope And His Unsightly Smile.

Hope

Philosophy

Pessimism

Price, N. Value, Plus A Reasonable Sum For The Wear And Tear Of Conscience In Demanding It.

Tears

Plus

Reasonable

Women In Love Are Less Ashamed Than Men. They Have Less To Be Ashamed Of.

Love

Women

Men

Alone, Adj. In Bad Company.

Solitude

Bad Company

Company

Immoral, Adj. Inexpedient. Whatever In The Long Run And With Regard To The Greater Number Of Instances Men Find To Be Generally Inexpedient Comes To Be Considered Wrong, Wicked, Immoral.

Running

Men

Numbers

Wisdom Is Known Only By Contrasting It With Folly; By Shadow Only We Perceive That All Visible Objects Are Not Flat. Yet Philanthropos Would Abolish Evil!

Evil

Shadow

Flats

Peroration, N. The Explosion Of An Oratorical Rocket. It Dazzles, But To An Observer Having The Wrong Kind Of Nose Its Most Conspicuous Peculiarity Is The Smell Of The Several Kinds Of Powder Used In Preparing It.

Kindness

Smell

Noses

Piano, N. A Parlor Utensil For Subduing The Impenitent Visitor. It Is Operated By Depressing The Keys Of The Machine And The Spirits Of The Audience.

Funny

Music

Keys

Photograph: A Picture Painted By The Sun Without Instruction In Art.

Inspirational

Photography

Art

Blank-verse, N. Unrhymed Iambic Pentameters - The Most Difficult Kind Of English Verse To Write Acceptably; A Kind, Therefore, Much Affected By Those Who Cannot Acceptably Write Any Kind.

Kindness

Writing

Blank

Advice: The Suggestions You Give Someone Else Which You Hope Will Work For Your Benefit.

Giving

Advice

Suggestions

Poverty, N. A File Provided For The Teeth Of The Rats Of Reform. Its Victims Are Distinguished By Possession Of All The Virtues And By Their Faith In Leaders Seeking To Conduct Them Into A Prosperity Where They Believe These To Be Unknown.

Believe

Leader

Teeth

Hope Is An Explorer Who Surveys The Country Ahead. That Is Why We Know So Much About The Hereafter And So Little About The Heretofore.

Hope

Country

Littles

Trust, N. In American Politics, A Large Corporation Composed In Greater Part Of Thrifty Working Men, Widows Of Small Means, Orphans In The Care Of Guardians And The Courts, With Many Similar Malefactors And Public Enemies.

Mean

Men

Enemy

Happiness Has Not To All The Same Name: To Youth She Is Known As The Future; Age Knows Her As The Dream.

Happiness

Dream

Names

Portuguese, N.pl. A Species Of Geese Indigenous To Portugal. They Are Mostly Without Feathers And Imperfectly Edible, Even When Stuffed With Garlic.

Food

Cooking

Portugal

Pertaining To A Certain Order Of Architecture, Otherwise Known As Normal American. Most Of The Public Buildings Of The United States Are Of The Ramshackle Order, Though Some Of Our Earlier Architects Preferred The Ironic. Recent Additions To The White House In Washington Are Theo-doric, The Ecclesiastic Order Of The Dorians. They Are Exceedingly Fine And Cost One Hundred Dollars A Brick.

Order

White

House

Finance Is The Art Or Science Of Managing Revenues And Resources For The Best Advantage Of The Manager

Art

Finance

Advantage

In This World One Must Have A Name; It Prevents Confusion, Even When It Does Not Establish Identity. Some, Though, Are Known By Numbers, Which Also Seem Inadequate Distinctions.

Names

Numbers

Confusion

Lead, N. A Heavy Blue-gray Metal Much Used In Giving Stability To Light Lovers - Particularly To Those Who Love Not Wisely But Other Men's Wives.

Love

Men

Light

Pardon, V. To Remit A Penalty And Restore To The Life Of Crime. To Add To The Lure Of Crime The Temptation Of Ingratitude.

Life

Temptation

Add

Pitiful, Adj. The State Of An Enemy Or Opponent After An Imaginary Encounter With Oneself.

Enemy

Encounters

Opponents

Pie, N. An Advance Agent Of The Reaper Whose Name Is Indigestion.

Food

Names

Pie

X, N. In Our Alphabet Being A Needless Letter Has An Added Invincibility To The Attacks Of The Spelling Reformers, And Like Them, Will Doubtless Last As Long As The Language.

Long

Letters

Lasts

Indiscretion, N. The Guilt Of Woman.

Guilt

Orthodox, N. An Ox Wearing The Popular Religious Joke.

Religious

Religion

Orthodox

Snow Pursued By The Wind Is Not Wholly Unlike A Retreating Army. In The Open Field It Ranges Itself In Ranks And Battalions; Where It Can Get A Foothold It Makes A Stand; Where It Can Take Cover It Does So. You May See Whole Platoons Of Snow Cowering Behind A Bit Of Broken Wall.

Wall

Army

Wind

Rattlesnake, N. Our Prostrate Brother, "homo Ventrambulans".

Brother

Rattlesnakes

Cannon, N. An Instrument Employed In The Rectification Of National Boundaries.

Peace

War

Boundaries

Degradation, N. One Of The Stages Of Moral And Social Progress From Private Station To Political Preferment.

Political

Progress

Degradation

Manicheism, N. The Ancient Persian Doctrine Of An Incessant Warfare Between Good And Evil. When Good Gave Up The Fight The Persians Joined The Victorious Opposition.

Fighting

Evil

Doctrine

A Statesman Who Shakes The Fruit Trees Of His Neighbors - To Dislodge The Worms.

Tree

Fruit

Culture

A Hollow Edifice Erected For The Habitation Of Man, Rat, Mouse, Beetle, Cockroach, Fly, Mosquito, Flea, Bacillus, And Microbe.

Party

Men

House

Idiot, N. A Member Of A Large And Powerful Tribe Whose Influence In Human Affairs Has Always Been Dominant And Controlling.

Powerful

Hatred

Tribes

Diaphragm, N. A Muscular Partition Separating Disorders Of The Chest From Disorders Of The Bowels.

Science

Disorder

Bowels

Incompossible, Adj. Unable To Exist If Something Else Exists. Two Things Are Incompossible When The World Of Being Has Scope Enough For One Of Them, But Not Enough For Both - As Walt Whitman's Poetry And God's Mercy To Man.

Men

Two

Poetry

Custard: A Detestable Substance Produced By A Malevolent Conspiracy Of The Hen, The Cow, And The Cook.

Food

Cooking

Substance

Doubt Is The Father Of Invention.

Father

Stupidity

Doubt

Slang Is The Speech Of Him Who Robs The Literary Garbage Carts On Their Way To The Dumps.

Speech

Way

Garbage

Along The Road Of Life Are Many Pleasure Resorts, But Think Not That By Tarrying In Them You Will Take More Days To The Journey. The Day Of Your Arrival Is Already Recorded.

Life

Journey

Thinking

Luminary, One Who Throws Light Upon A Subject; As An Editor By Not Writing About It.

Writing

Light

Editors

Cribbage, N. A Substitute For Conversation Among Those To Whom Nature Has Denied Ideas.

Ideas

Substitutes

Conversation

Poetry, N. A Form Of Expression Peculiar To The Land Beyond The Magazines.

Expression

Land

Poetry

I Never Said All Democrats Were Saloonkeepers. What I Said Was That All Saloonkeepers Are Democrats.

Funny

Humorous

Party

Zenith, N. The Point In The Heavens Directly Overhead To A Man Standing Or A Growing Cabbage. A Man In Bed Or A Cabbage In The Pot Is Not Considered As Having A Zenith, Though Horizontalists Hold That The Posture Of The Body Was Immaterial.

Men

Heaven

Growing

Love, N. A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage Or By Removal Of The Patient From The Influences Under Which He Incurred The Disorder.

Love

Temporary Insanity

Patient

I Think I Think, Therefore I Think I Am.

Math

Thinking

Logic

Improvidence, N. Provision For The Needs Of To-day From The Revenues Of To-morrow.

Needs

Morrow

Provision

Finance, N. The Art Or Science Of Managing Revenues And Resources For The Best Advantage Of The Manager. The Pronunciation Of This Word With The I Long And The Accent On The First Syllable Is One Of America's Most Precious Discoveries And Possessions.

Art

Discovery

America

Love, N. A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage Or By Removal Of The Patient From The Influences Under Which He Incurred The Disorder. This Disease, Like Caries And Many Other Ailments, Is Prevalent Only Among Civilized Races Living Under Artificial Conditions; Barbarous Nations Breathing Pure Air And Eating Simple Food Enjoy Immunity From Its Ravages. It Is Sometimes Fatal, But More Frequently To The Physician Than To The Patient.

Life

Simple

Temporary Insanity

Administration, N. An Ingenious Abstraction In Politics, Designed To Receive The Kicks And Cuffs Due To The Premier Or President. A Man Of Straw, Proof Against Bad-egging And Dead-catting.

Men

President

Cuffs

Famous, Adj.: Conspicuously Miserable.

Miserable

Fame

Past, N. That Part Of Eternity With Some Small Fraction Of Which We Have A Slight And Regrettable Acquaintance. A Moving Line Called The Present Parts It From An Imaginary Period Known As The Future. These Two Grand Divisions Of Eternity, Of Which The One Is Continually Effacing The Other, Are Entirely Unlike. The One Is Dark With Sorrow And Disappointment, The Other Bright With Prosperity And Joy.... Yet The Past Is The Future Of Yesterday, The Future Is The Past Of To-morrow. They Are One-the Knowledge And The Dream.

Dream

Disappointment

Moving

War, N. A By-product Of The Arts Of Peace. The Most Menacing Political Condition Is A Period Of International Amity.

Art

Peace

War

Pantheism, N. The Doctrine That Everything Is God, In Contradistinction To The Doctrine That God Is Everything.

Doctrine

Pantheism

Jester, N. An Officer Attached To The King's Household To Amuse The Court By Ludicrous Actions And Utterances . . . The King's Own Conduct And Decrees [being] Sufficiently Ridiculous For The Amusement Not Only Of His Court But Of All Mankind.

Kings

Utterance

Amusement

Hermit, N. A Person Whose Vices And Follies Are Not Sociable.

Vices

Hermits

Folly

Gratitude, N. A Sentiment Lying Midway Between A Benefit Received And A Benefit Expected.

Gratitude

Lying

Benefits

Backbite: To ''speak Of A Man As You Find Him'' When He Can't Find You.

Men

Speak

Slander

Democracy Is Four Wolves And A Lamb Voting On What To Have For Lunch.

Gun

Lunch

Democracies Have

Historian - A Broad-gauge Gossip.

History

Gossip

Gauges

That Part Of Your Friend Which It Is Your Privilege To Contemplate In Your Adversity

Friendship

Adversity

Privilege

Peripatetic, Adj. Walking About. Relating To The Philosophy Of Aristotle, Who, While Expounding It, Moved From Place To Place In Order To Avoid His Pupil's Objections. A Needless Precaution - They Knew No More Of The Matter Than He.

Philosophy

Order

Matter

Compromise, N. Such An Adjustment Of Conflicting Interests As Gives Each Adversary The Satisfaction Of Thinking He Has Got What He Ought Not To Have, And Is Deprived Of Nothing Except What Was Justly His Due.

Thinking

Giving

Satisfaction

Duck-bill, N. Your Account At Your Restaurant During The Canvas-back Season.

Ducks

Bills

Canvas

Kilt, N. A Costume Sometimes Worn By Scotchmen In America And Americans In Scotland.

Scotland

America

Kilts

Novel, N. A Short Story Padded.

Stories

Literature

Novel

Mayonnaise: One Of The Sauces Which Serve The French In Place Of A State Religion.

Food

Cooking

Religion

Tariff, N. A Scale Of Taxes On Imports, Designed To Protect The Domestic Producer Against The Greed Of His Consumer.

Greed

Tariffs

Scales

Preside, V. To Guide The Action Of A Deliberative Body To A Desirable Result. In Journalese, To Perform Upon A Musical Instrument; As, "he Presided At The Piccolo."

Music

Body

Action

Debt, N. An Ingenious Substitute For The Chain And Whip Of The Slave-driver. As, Pent In An Aquarium, The Troutlet Swims Round And Round His Tank To Find An Outlet, Pressing His Nose Against The Glass That Holds Him, Nor Ever Sees The Prison That Enfolds Him; So The Poor Debtor, Seeing Naught Around Him, Yet Feels The Narrow Limits That Impound Him, Grieves At His Debt And Studies To Evade It, And Finds At Last He Might As Well Have Paid It.

Grieving

Glasses

Aquariums

We Submit To The Majority Because We Have To. But We Are Not Compelled To Call Our Attitude Of Subjection A Posture Of Respect.

Attitude

Majority

Posture

I Believe We Shall Come To Care About People Less And Less. The More People One Knows The Easier It Becomes To Replace Them. It's One Of The Curses Of London.

Believe

People

Care

If You Would Be Accounted Great By Your Contemporaries, Be Not Too Much Greater Than They.

Would Be

Too Much

Fame

Siren, N. One Of Several Musical Prodigies Famous For A Vain Attempt To Dissuade Odysseus From A Life On The Ocean Wave. Figuratively, Any Lady Of Splendid Promise, Dissembled Purpose And Disappointing Performance.

Life

Ocean

Musical

Obstinate, Adj. Inaccessible To The Truth As It Is Manifest In The Splendor And Stress Of Our Advocacy.

Truth

Stress

Splendor

Learning, N. The Kind Of Ignorance Distinguishing The Studious.

Education

Ignorance

Kind

Bigamy, N. A Mistake In Taste For Which The Wisdom Of The Future Will Adjudge A Punishment Called Trigamy.

Mistake

Punishment

Taste

While Your Friend Holds You Affectionately By Both Your Hands, You Are Safe, For You Can Watch Both His.

Sarcastic

Hands

Watches

Tail, N. The Part Of An Animal's Spine That Has Transcended Its Natural Limitations To Set Up An Independent Existence In A World Of Its Own.

Independent

Animal

Tails

Aborigines, N.: Persons Of Little Worth Found Cumbering The Soil Of A Newly Discovered Country. They Soon Cease To Cumber; They Fertilize.

Country

Usa

Littles

Pilgrim, N. A Traveler That Is Taken Seriously. A Pilgrim Father Was One Who [was] Not Permitted To Sing Psalms Through His Nose [in Europe], Followed It To Massachusetts, Where He Could Personate God According To The Dictates Of His Conscience.

Father

Taken

Europe

Hand, N. A Singular Instrument Worn At The End Of The Human Arm And Commonly Thrust Into Somebody's Pocket.

Hands

Pockets

Arms

Monarch, N. A Person Engaged In Reigning. Formerly The Monarch Ruled, As The Derivation Of The Word Attests, And As Many Subjects Have Had Occasion To Learn.

Learning

Persons

Subjects

Entertainment, N. Any Kind Of Amusement Whose Inroads Stop Short Of Death By Injection.

Death

Kindness

Amusement

A Nutritious Substance Supplied By A Bountiful Providence For The Fattening Of The Poor.

Science

Culture

Substance

Recount, N. In American Politics, Another Throw Of The Dice, Accorded To The Player Against Whom They Are Loaded.

Player

Politics

Dice

Idiot - A Member Of A Large And Powerful Tribe Whose Influence In Human Affairs Has Always Been Dominant And Controlling. The Idiot's Activity Is Not Confined To Any Special Field Of Thought Or Action, But "pervades And Regulates The Whole." He Has The Last Word In Everything; His Decision Is Unappealable. He Sets The Fashions And Opinion Of Taste, Dictates The Limitations Of Speech And Circumscribes Conduct With A Dead-line.

Fashion

Powerful

Decision

Accountability, N. The Mother Of Caution.

Mother

Motherhood

Accountability

At War With Savages And Idiots. To Be A Frenchman Abroad Is To Be Miserable; To Be An American Abroad Is To Make Others Miserable.

War

Savages

Idiot

Rascality, N. Stupidity Militant. The Activity Of A Clouded Intellect.

Military

Stupidity

Intellect

Achievement; The Death Of Endeavor And The Birth Of Disgust.

Success

Death

Achievement

Clarinet N. An Instrument Of Torture Operated By A Person With Cotton In His Ears. There Are Two Instruments Worse Than A Clarinet – Two Clarinets.

Two

Ears

Cotton

Pyrrhonism- An Ancient Philosophy, Named For Its Inventor. It Consisted Of An Absolute Disbelief In Everything But Pyrrhonism. Its Modern Professors Have Added That.

Philosophy

Ancient

Modern

Death Is Not The End. There Remains The Litigation Over The Estate.

Clever

Inspiration

Ends

Imbecility, N. A Kind Of Divine Inspiration, Or Sacred Fire Affecting Censorious Critics Of This Dictionary.

Inspiration

Fire

Divinity

Rice-water, N. A Mystic Beverage Secretly Used By Our Most Popular Novelists And Poets To Regulate The Imagination And Narcotize The Conscience.

Water

Imagination

Novelists

Wine, Madam, Is God's Next Best Gift To Man.

Wine

Men

Definition: Connoisseur, N. A Specialist Who Knows Everything About Something And Nothing About Anything Else.

Wine

Definitions

Connoisseur

Amnesty, N. The State's Magnanimity To Those Offenders Whom It Would Be Too Expensive To Punish.

Punishment

Would Be

Amnesty

Creditor. One Of A Tribe Of Savages Dwelling Beyond The Financial Straits And Dreaded For Their Desolating Incursions.

Fear

Dwelling

Savages

Virtues, N.pl. Certain Abstentions.

Virtue

Certain

Certainty

Contempt; The Feeling Of A Prudent Man For An Enemy Who Is Too Formidable Safely To Be Opposed.

Men

Feelings

Enemy

Adage, N. Boned Wisdom For Weak Teeth.

Wisdom

Teeth

Weak

Genealogy, N. An Account Of One's Descent From A Man Who Did Not Particularly Care To Trace His Own.

Family

Men

Care

There Was Never A Genius Who Was Not Thought A Fool Until He Disclosed Himself; Whereas He Is A Fool Then Only.

Genius

Fool

Prison, N. A Place Of Punishments And Rewards. The Poet Assures Us That - Stone Walls Do Not A Prison Make.

Wall

Punishment

Stones

Piracy, N. Commerce Without Its Folly-swaddles, Just As God Made It.

Justice

Made

Folly

I Think That I Think, Therefore I Think That I Am.

Thinking

Gunpowder, N. An Agency Employed By Civilized Nations For The Settlement Of Disputes Which Might Become Troublesome If Left Unadjusted. By Most Writers The Invention Of Gunpowder Is Ascribed To The Chinese, But Not Upon Very Convincing Evidence. Milton Says It Was Invented By The Devil To Dispel Angels With, And This Opinion Seems To Derive Some Support From The Scarcity Of Angels.

Angel

Science

Agency

Opportunity: A Favorable Occasion For Grasping A Disappointment.

Disappointment

Opportunity

Grasping

Newtonian, Pertaining To A Philosophy Of The Universe Invented By Newton, Who Discovered That An Apple Will Fall To The Ground, But Was Unable To Say Why. His Successors And Disciples Have Advanced So Far As To Be Able To Say When.

Philosophy

Fall

Science

A Man Who Piously Shuts Himself Up To Meditate Upon The Sin Of Wickedness And To Keep It Fresh In His Mind Joins A Brotherhood Of Awful Examples.

Men

Brotherhood

Mind

Youth, N. The Period Of Possibility, When Archimedes Finds A Fulcrum, Cassandra Has A Following And Seven Cities Compete For The Honor Of Endowing A Living Homer.

Life

Cities

Honor

Responsibility, N. A Detachable Burden Easily Shifted To The Shoulders Of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck Or One's Neighbor. In The Days Of Astrology It Was Customary To Unload It Upon A Star.

Stars

Responsibility

Fate

Notoriety, N. The Fame Of One's Competitor For Public Honors. The Kind Of Renown Most Accessible And Acceptable To Mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder Leading To The Vaudeville Stage, With Angels Ascending And Descending.

Leadership

Kindness

Angel

Hybrid, N. A Pooled Issue.

Issues

Collaboration

Hybrid

Male, A Member Of The Unconsidered Or Negligible Gender. The Male Of The Human Race Is Commonly Known To The Female As Mere Man. The Genus Has Two Varieties: Good Providers And Bad Providers.

Men

Race

Two

Sorcery, N. The Ancient Prototype And Forerunner Of Political Influence. It Was, However, Deemed Less Respectable And Sometimes Was Punished By Torture And Death.

Death

Punishment

Political

Ubiquity, N. The Gift Or Power Of Being In All Places At One Time, But Not In All Places At All Times, Which Is Omnipresence, An Attribute Of God And The Luminiferous Ether Only.

Time

Power

Ubiquity

To Apologize Is To Lay The Foundation For A Future Offense.

Future

Apology

Foundation

Monument, N. A Structure Intended To Commemorate Something Which Either Needs No Commemoration Or Cannot Be Commemorated.

Needs

Structure

Commemoration

J, N. A Consonant In English, But Some Nations Use It As A Vowel . . . From A Latin Verb, "jacere", "to Throw," Because When A Stone Is Thrown At A Dog The Dog's Tail Assumes That Shape.

Dog

Latin

Verbs

Exhort, V.t. In Religious Affairs, To Put The Conscience Of Another Upon The Spit And Roast It To A Nut-brown Discomfort.

Religious

Nuts

Affair

What Is Worth Doing Is Worth The Trouble Of Asking Somebody To Do It.

Inspirational

Work

Asking

To Be Positive Is To Be Mistaken At The Top Of One's Voice.

Positive

Voice

Certainty

Bait, N. A Preparation That Renders The Hook More Palatable. The Best Kind Is Beauty.

Beauty

Kindness

Preparation

Theology Is A Thing Of Unreason Altogether, An Edifice Of Assumptions And Dreams, A Superstructure Without A Substructure

Dream

Assumption

Theology

An Absolute Monarchy Is One In Which The Sovereign Does As He Pleases So Long As He Pleases The Assassins.

Long

Doe

Assassins

Hatred, N. A Sentiment Appropriate To The Occasion Of Another's Superiority.

Hatred

Sentiments

Occasions

Wheat, N. A Cereal From Which A Tolerably Good Whisky Can Be Made; . . . Also For Bread. The French Are Said To Eat More Bread "per Capita" Of Population Than Any Other People, Which Is Natural, For Only They Know How To Make The Stuff Palatable.

Food

Cereal

People

Saint: A Dead Sinner Revised And Edited.

Saint

Saints And Sinners

Edited

Monkey, N. An Arboreal Animal Which Makes Itself At Home In Genealogical Trees.

Home

Animal

Tree

Religions Are Conclusions For Which The Facts Of Nature Supply No Major Premises.

Death

Religious

Dying

Understanding Quotes: Their Essence and Application

Quotes, or quotations, are powerful tools in communication, encapsulating ideas, emotions, and wisdom in concise expressions. They serve various purposes across different contexts, from academic writing to everyday conversation.

1. Defining Quotes

A quote is a repetition of someone else's statement or thoughts. It can be a direct replication of words spoken or written by another individual, often used to support arguments, provide evidence, or convey profound insights.

2. The Importance of Quotes

2.1. Enhancing Credibility

Incorporating quotes from authoritative sources can bolster the credibility of your work. By referencing experts or primary sources, you demonstrate thorough research and a solid foundation for your arguments.

2.2. Providing Evidence

Quotes serve as concrete evidence to support claims. In academic and professional writing, they validate points made, offering readers a basis to trust the information presented.

2.3. Conveying Emotions and Perspectives

Quotes can encapsulate emotions and perspectives succinctly. They allow writers to express complex feelings or viewpoints through the words of others, often more eloquently than paraphrasing.

3. Types of Quotes

3.1. Direct Quotes

Direct quotes involve copying the exact words from a source, enclosed in quotation marks. They are used when the original wording is significant or particularly well-expressed.

3.2. Indirect Quotes (Paraphrasing)

Indirect quotes restate the original message in your own words. While not enclosed in quotation marks, they still require proper attribution to the original source.

3.3. Block Quotes

Block quotes are lengthy direct quotations, formatted as a separate block of text. They are typically used for quotes exceeding a certain length, varying by citation style. For instance, in APA style, quotes longer than 40 words are formatted as block quotes.

4. Proper Usage of Quotes

4.1. Contextual Relevance

Ensure that the quote you choose is relevant to the topic and adds value to your content. Avoid inserting quotes solely for decorative purposes.

4.2. Integration into Your Writing

Seamlessly integrate quotes into your writing. Introduce them appropriately and follow up with analysis or commentary to connect them to your main points.

4.3. Attribution and Citation

Always attribute quotes to their original authors and provide proper citations according to the required style guide (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.).

5. Common Mistakes to Avoid

5.1. Overusing Quotes

Relying too heavily on quotes can overshadow your voice. Use them sparingly to support your arguments, not replace them.

5.2. Lack of Analysis

Presenting a quote without analysis or explanation can leave readers questioning its relevance. Always follow up with your interpretation or discussion.

5.3. Misquoting or Taking Out of Context

Ensure that quotes are accurate and not taken out of context, as this can mislead readers and undermine your credibility.

6. Quotes in Different Contexts

6.1. Academic Writing

In academic writing, quotes are used to support arguments, provide evidence, and engage with existing literature. Proper citation is crucial to avoid plagiarism.

6.2. Journalism

Journalists use quotes to provide firsthand accounts, add authenticity, and present multiple perspectives within a story.

6.3. Literature and Creative Writing

In literature, quotes can be used to convey character voices, themes, and stylistic elements. They enrich narratives and provide depth to storytelling.

7. Punctuation and Formatting

Understanding the correct punctuation and formatting of quotes is essential:

Quotation Marks: Always enclose direct quotes within quotation marks.

Punctuation Placement: In American English, periods and commas are placed inside quotation marks, while colons and semicolons are placed outside.

Block Quotes: For longer quotes, format them as block quotes without quotation marks, and indent the entire block.

8. Ethical Considerations

Ethical use of quotes involves accurate representation, proper attribution, and respect for intellectual property. Misuse can lead to plagiarism, which carries serious academic and professional consequences.

9. Tools for Managing Quotes

Utilize tools like citation generators and plagiarism checkers to manage quotes effectively. These tools help ensure proper formatting and originality in your writing.

Conclusion

Quotes are invaluable in enriching content, providing evidence, and conveying complex ideas succinctly. When used appropriately, they enhance the quality and credibility of your writing. Always ensure relevance, proper integration, and ethical usage to maximize their impact.

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