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Revolution, N. A Bursting Of The Boilers Which Usually Takes Place When The Safety Valve Of Public Discussion Is Closed.

-Ambrose Bierce

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Revolution, N. A Bursting

Ambrose Bierce

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Revolution, N. A Bursting Of The Boilers Which Usually Takes Place When The Safety Valve Of Public Discussion Is Closed.

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Ubiquity, N. The Gift Or Power Of Being In All Places At One Time, But Not In All Places At All Times, Which Is Omnipresence, An Attribute Of God And The Luminiferous Ether Only.

Portuguese, N.pl. A Species Of Geese Indigenous To Portugal. They Are Mostly Without Feathers And Imperfectly Edible, Even When Stuffed With Garlic.

Ass, N. A Public Singer With A Good Voice But No Ear.

The Most Affectionate Creature In The World Is A Wet Dog.

Accuse, V.t. To Affirm Another's Guilt Or Unworth; Most Commonly As A Justification Of Ourselves For Having Wronged Him.

Sycophant- One Who Approaches Greatness On His Belly So That He May Not Be Commanded To Turn And Be Kicked. He Is Sometimes An Editor.

Misericorde, N. A Dagger Which In Mediaeval Warfare Was Used By The Foot Soldier To Remind An Unhorsed Knight That He Was Mortal.

Riven And Torn With Cannon-shot, The Trunks Of The Trees Protruded Bunches Of Splinters Like Hands, The Fingers Above The Wound Interlacing With Those Below.

Example Is Better Than Following It.

Deluge, N. A Notable First Experiment In Baptism Which Washed Away The Sins (and Sinners) Of The World.

Liver, N. A Large Red Organ Thoughtfully Provided By Nature To Be Bilious With. The Liver Is Heaven's Best Gift To The Goose; Without It That Bird Would Be Unable To Supply Us With The Strasbourg "pate".

Human Nature Is Pretty Well Balanced; For Every Lacking Virtue There Is A Rough Substitute That Will Serve At A Pinch--as Cunning Is The Wisdom Of The Unwise, And Ferocity The Courage Of The Coward.

Indigestion: A Disease Which The Patient And His Friends Frequently Mistake For Deep Religious Conviction And Concern For The Salvation Of Mankind. As The Simple Red Man Of The Western Wild Put It, With, It Must Be Confessed, A Certain Force: 'plenty Well, No Pray; Big Belly Ache, Heap God.'

Ability Is Commonly Found To Consist Mainly In A High Degree Of Solemnity.

Hybrid, N. A Pooled Issue.

What Is A Democrat? One Who Believes That The Republicans Have Ruined The Country. What Is A Republican? One Who Believes That The Democrats Would Ruin The Country.

Adder, N. A Species Of Snake. So Called From Its Habit Of Adding Funeral Outlays To The Other Expenses Of Living.

Happiness Is Lost By Criticizing It; Sorrow By Accepting It.

Scarabaeus, N. The Sacred Beetle Of The Ancient Egyptians, Allied To Our Familiar "tumble-bug." It Was Supposed To Symbolize Immortality, The Fact That God Knew Why Giving It Its Peculiar Sanctity. Its Habit Of Incubating Its Eggs In A Ball Of Ordure May Also Have Commended It To The Favor Of The Priesthood, And May Some Day Assure It An Equal Reverence Among Ourselves. True, The American Beetle Is An Inferior Beetle, But The American Priest Is An Inferior Priest.

Don't Board With The Devil If You Wish To Be Fat.

Multitude, N. A Crowd; The Source Of Political Wisdom And Virtue. In A Republic, The Object Of The Statesman's Adoration.

Mesmerism, N. Hypnotism Before It Wore Good Clothes, Kept A Carriage And Asked Incredulity To Dinner.

Christian, N.: One Who Believes That The New Testament Is A Divinely Inspired Book Admirably Suited To The Spiritual Needs Of His Neighbor.

An Ingenious Compound Of Desirability And Appearance. Discovery Of Truth Is The Sole Purpose Of Philosophy, Which Is The Most Ancient Occupation Of The Human Mind And Has A Fair Prospect Of Existing With Increasing Activity To The End Of Time.

Marriage, N: The State Or Condition Of A Community Consisting Of A Master, A Mistress, And Two Slaves, Making In All, Two.

April Fool, N. The March Fool With Another Month Added To His Folly.

To Bother About The Best Method Of Accomplishing An Accidental Result.

Last, N. A Shoemaker's Implement, Named By A Frowning Providence As Opportunity To The Maker Of Puns.

To Be Comic Is Merely To Be Playful, But Wit Is A Serious Matter. To Laugh At It Is To Confess That You Do Not Understand.

Truthful, Adj. Dumb And Illiterate.

Nectar, N. A Drink Served At Banquets Of The Olympian Deities. The Secret Of Its Preparation Is Lost, But The Modern Kentuckians Believe That They Come Pretty Near To A Knowledge Of Its Chief Ingredient.

Income Is The Natural And Rational Gauge And Measure Of Respectability.

An Old Wine-bibber Having Been Smashed In A Railway Collision, Some Wine Was Poured On His Lips To Revive Him.

Tenacity, N. A Certain Quality Of The Human Hand In Its Relation To The Coin Of The Realm. It Attains Its Highest Development In The Hand Of Authority And Is Considered A Serviceable Equipment For A Career In Politics.

Beg, V. To Ask For Something With An Earnestness Proportioned To The Belief That It Will Not Be Given.

A Bird In The Hand Is Worth What It Will Bring.

Witticism. A Sharp And Clever Remark, Usually Quoted And Seldom Noted; What The Philistine Is Pleased To Call A Joke.

Reading, N. The General Body Of What One Reads. In Our Country It Consists, As A Rule, Of Indiana Novels, Short Stories In "dialect" And Humor In Slang.

The God Of The World's Leading Religion.

Hope Is Desire And Expectation Rolled Into One.

Every Patriot Believes His Country Better Than Any Other Country . . . In Its Active Manifestation-it Is Fond Of Killing-patriotism Would Be Well Enough If It Were Simply Defensive, But It Is Also Aggressive . . . Patriotism Deliberately And With Folly Aforethought Subordinates The Interests Of A Whole To The Interests Of A Part . . . Patriotism Is Fierce As A Fever, Pitiless As The Grave And Blind As A Stone.

Acquaintance. A Person Whom We Know Well Enough To Borrow From, But Not Well Enough To Lend To.

Plunder, V. To Take The Property Of Another Without Observing The Decent And Customary Reticences Of Theft. To Wrest The Wealth Of A From B And Leave C Lamenting A Vanishing Opportunity.

The Circus A Place Where Horses, Ponies And Elephants Are Permitted To See Men, Women And Children Acting The Fool.

Inventor: A Person Who Makes An Ingenious Arrangement Of Wheels, Levers And Springs, And Believes It Civilization.

Congratulations Is The Civility Of Envy.

Congratulations

Police, N. An Armed Force For Protection And Participation.

Eulogy. Praise Of A Person Who Has Either The Advantages Of Wealth And Power, Or The Consideration To Be Dead.

Absence Blots People Out. We Really Have No Absent Friends.

While Your Friend Holds You Affectionately By Both Your Hands, You Are Safe, For You Can Watch Both His.

An Archbishop Is An Ecclesiastical Dignitary One Point Holier Than A Bishop.

Here's To Woman! Would That We Could Fold Into Her Arms Without Falling Into Her Hands.

A Popular Writer Writes About What People Think. A Wise Writer Offers Them Something To Think About.

Abnormal, Adj. Not Conforming To Standard. In Matters Of Thought And Conduct, To Be Independent Is To Be Abnormal, To Be Abnormal Is To Be Detested.

Gout, A Physician's Name For The Rheumatism Of A Rich Patient

Administration, N. An Ingenious Abstraction In Politics, Designed To Receive The Kicks And Cuffs Due To The Premier Or President. A Man Of Straw, Proof Against Bad-egging And Dead-catting.

Illustrious, Adj. Suitably Placed For The Shafts Of Malice, Envy And Detraction.

Monument, N. A Structure Intended To Commemorate Something Which Either Needs No Commemoration Or Cannot Be Commemorated.

A Certain Nervous Disorder Afflicting The Young And Inexperienced.

Liver, N. A Large Red Organ Thoughtfully Provided By Nature To Be Bilious With. The Sentiments And Emotions Which Every Literary Anatomist Now Knows To Haunt The Heart Were Anciently Believed To Infest The Liver; And Even Gascoygne, Speaking Of The Emotional Side Of Human Nature, Calls It "our Hepaticall Parte." It Was At One Time Considered The Seat Of Life; Hence Its Name- Liver, The Thing We Live With.

Year: A Period Of Three Hundred And Sixty-five Disappointments.

The Quality That Distinguishes Love Without Knowledge.

Homicide, /n./ The Slaying Of One Human By Another. There Are Four Kinds Of Homicide: Felonious, Excusable, Justifiable, And Praiseworthy, But It Makes No Great Difference To The Person Slain Whether He Died By One Kind Or Another - The Classification Is For The Advantage Of The Lawyers.

Pie, N. An Advance Agent Of The Reaper Whose Name Is Indigestion.

Aphorism, N. Predigested Wisdom.

Convictions Are Variable; To Be Always Consistent Is To Be Sometimes Dishonest.

A Trite Popular Saying, Or Proverb. (figurative And Colloquial.) So Called Because It Makes Its Way Into A Wooden Head. Following Are Examples Of Old Saws Fitted With New Teeth.

Experience Is A Revelation In The Light Of Which We Renounce Our Errors Of Youth For Those Of Age.

The Most Intolerant Advocate Is He Who Is Trying To Convince Himself.

Noumenon, N. That Which Exists, As Distinguished From That Which Merely Seems To Exist, The Latter Being A Phenomenon. The Noumenon Is A Bit Difficult To Locate; It Can Be Apprehended Only By A Process Of Reasoning - Which Is A Phenomenon.

Pardon, V. To Remit A Penalty And Restore To The Life Of Crime. To Add To The Lure Of Crime The Temptation Of Ingratitude.

King, N. A Male Person Commonly Known In America As A "crowned Head," Although He Never Wears A Crown And Has Usually No Head To Speak Of.

A Popular Vote To Ascertain The Will Of The Sovereign.

There Are Two Instruments Worse Than A Clarinet - Two Clarinets.

Optimism, N. The Doctrine, Or Belief, That Everything Is Beautiful, Including What Is Ugly, Everything Good, Especially The Bad, And Everything Right That Is Wrong. It Is Held With Greatest Tenacity By Those Most Accustomed To The Mischance Of Falling Into Adversity, And Is Most Acceptably Expounded With Disproof - An Intellectual Disorder, Yielding To No Treatment But Death. It Is Hereditary, But Fortunately Not Contagious.

Usage, N. The First Person Of The Literary Trinity, The Second And Third Being Custom And Conventionality. Imbued With A Decent Reverence For This Holy Triad An Industrious Writer May Hope To Produce Books That Will Live As Long As The Fashion.

Loganimity, N. The Disposition To Endure Injury With Meek Forbearance While Maturing A Plan Of Revenge.

Day, N. A Period Of Twenty-four Hours, Mostly Misspent.

Politician, N. An Eel In The Fundamental Mud Upon Which The Superstructure Of Organized Society Is Reared. When He Wriggles, He Mistakes The Agitation Of His Tail For The Trembling Of The Edifice.

I Think Love Is The Most Unbelievable, And Critical, Thing In Civilization. Everything Else Is Very Mechanical And Predictable, But Love, You Can't Catch It.

X, N. In Our Alphabet Being A Needless Letter Has An Added Invincibility To The Attacks Of The Spelling Reformers, And Like Them, Will Doubtless Last As Long As The Language.

Along The Road Of Life Are Many Pleasure Resorts, But Think Not That By Tarrying In Them You Will Take More Days To The Journey. The Day Of Your Arrival Is Already Recorded.

Jealous, Adj. Unduly Concerned About The Preservation Of That Which Can Be Lost Only If Not Worth Keeping.

Patience, N. A Minor Form Of Dispair, Disguised As A Virtue.

A Lottery Is A Tax On Stupidity.

Finance Is The Art Or Science Of Managing Revenues And Resources For The Best Advantage Of The Manager

Homiletics, N. The Science Of Adapting Sermons To The Spiritual Needs, Capacities And Conditions Of The Congregation.

Snow Pursued By The Wind Is Not Wholly Unlike A Retreating Army. In The Open Field It Ranges Itself In Ranks And Battalions; Where It Can Get A Foothold It Makes A Stand; Where It Can Take Cover It Does So. You May See Whole Platoons Of Snow Cowering Behind A Bit Of Broken Wall.

A Subsidiary Deity Designed To Catch The Overflow And Surplus Of The World's Worship . . . . [h]is Master Works For The Means Wherewith To Purchase The Idle Wag Of The Solomonic Tail, Seasoned With A Look Of Tolerant Recognition.

Proboscis, N. The Rudimentary Organ Of An Elephant Which Serves Him In Place Of The Knife-and-fork That Evolution Has As Yet Denied Him. For Purposes Of Humor It Is Popularly Called A Trunk.

Dawn: When Men Of Reason Go To Bed.

Appetite, N. An Instinct Thoughtfully Implanted By Providence As A Solution To The Labor Question.

War, N. A By-product Of The Arts Of Peace. The Most Menacing Political Condition Is A Period Of International Amity.

When You Have Made A Catalogue Of Your Friend's Faults It Is Only Fair To Supply Him With A Duplicate, So That He May Know Yours.

Who Never Doubted, Never Half Believed. Where Doubt Is, There Truth Is - It Is Her Shadow.

Table D'hote, N. A Caterer's Thrifty Concession To The Universal Passion For Irresponsibility.

Rebel, N. A Proponent Of A New Misrule Who Has Failed To Establish It.

Mustang, N. An Indocile Horse Of The Western Plains. In English Society, The American Wife Of An English Nobleman.

Deliberation, N.: The Act Of Examining One's Bread To Determine Which Side It Is Buttered On.

Romance, N. Fiction That Owes No Allegiance To The God Of Things As They Are. In The Novel The Writer's Thought Is Tethered To Probability, But In Romance It Ranges At Will Over The Entire Region Of The Imagination . . .

Pleasure, N. The Least Hateful Form Of Dejection.

Bigot: One Who Is Obstinately And Zealously Attached To An Opinion That You Do Not Entertain.

Self-esteem, N. An Erroneous Appraisal.

Expostulation, N. One Of The Many Methods By Which Fools Prefer To Lose Their Friends.

Sweater, N.: Garment Worn By Child When Its Mother Is Feeling Chilly.

As A Means Of Dispensing Formulated Ignorance Our Boasted Public School System Is Not Without Merit; It Spreads Out Education Sufficiently Thin To Give Everyone Enough To Make Him A More Competent Fool Than He Would Have Been Without It.

Philanthropist, N.: A Rich (and Usually Bald) Old Gentleman Who Has Trained Himself To Grin While His Conscience Is Picking His Pocket.

Slang Is A Foul Pool At Which Every Dunce Fills His Bucket, And Then Sets Up As A Fountain.

Critic, N. A Person Who Boasts Himself Hard To Please Because Nobody Tries To Please Him.

He Who Thinks With Difficulty Believes With Alacrity. A Fool Is A Natural Proselyte, But He Must Be Caught Young, For His Convictions, Unlike Those Of The Wise, Harden With Age.

Delusion, N. The Father Of A Most Respectable Family, Comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity And Many Other Goodly Sons And Daughters.

Aim, N. The Task We Set Our Wishes To.

Pessimism- Philosophy Forced Upon The Convictions Of The Observer By The Disheartening Prevalence Of The Optimist With His Scarecrow Hope And His Unsightly Smile.

Behavior, N. Conduct, As Determined, Not By Principle, But By Breeding.

Life, N. A Spiritual Pickle Preserving The Body From Decay. We Live In Daily Apprehension Of Its Loss; Yet When Lost It Is Not Missed.

A Short Story Padded. A Species Of Composition Bearing The Same Relation To Literature That The Panorama Bears To Art. As It Is Too Long To Be Read At A Sitting The Impressions Made By Its Successive Parts Are Successively Effaced, As In The Pa

Push, N. One Of The Two Things Mainly Conducive To Success, Especially In Politics. The Other Is Pull.

Congratulations

Cynicism Is That Blackguard Defect Of Vision Which Compels Us To See The World As It Is, Instead Of As It Should Be.

Improvidence, N. Provision For The Needs Of To-day From The Revenues Of To-morrow.

Hypocrisy: Prejudice With A Halo.

Old, Adj. In That Stage Of Usefulness Which Is Not Inconsistent With General Inefficiency, As An "old Man". Discredited By Lapse Of Time And Offensive To The Popular Taste, As An "old" Book.

A Large Stone Presented By The Archangel Gabriel To The Patriarch Abraham, And Preserved At Mecca. The Patriarch Had Perhaps Asked The Archangel For Bread.

Love: A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage.

Rope, N. An Obsolescent Appliance For Reminding Assassins That They Too Are Mortal. It Is Put About The Neck And Remains In Place One's Whole Life Long.

Monkey, N. An Arboreal Animal Which Makes Itself At Home In Genealogical Trees.

Pre-adamite, N. One Of An Experimental And Apparently Unsatisfactory Race Of Antedated Creation. . . . Little Its Known Of Them Beyond The Fact That They Supplied Cain With A Wife And Theologians With A Controversy.

Backbite: To ''speak Of A Man As You Find Him'' When He Can't Find You.

Mad; Adj. Affected With A High Degree Of Intellectual Independence; Not Conforming To Standards Of Thought, Speech, And Action Derived By The Conformants From Study Of Themselves; At Odds With The Majority; In Short, Unusual. It Is Noteworthy That Persons Are Pronounced Mad By Officials Destitute Of Evidence That They Themselves Are Sane.

Curiosity, N. An Objectionable Quality Of The Female Mind. The Desire To Know Whether Or Not A Woman Is Cursed With Curiosity Is One Of The Most Active And Insatiable Passions Of The Masculine Soul.

Indifferent, Adj. Imperfectly Sensible To Distinctions Among Things.

Reveille, N. A Signal To Sleeping Soldiers To Dream Of Battlefields No More, But Get Up And Have Their Blue Noses Counted.

Oblivion, N. The State Or Condition In Which The Wicked Cease From Struggling And The Dreary Are At Rest. Fame's Eternal Dumping Ground.

Poetry, N. A Form Of Expression Peculiar To The Land Beyond The Magazines.

Righteousness, N. A Sturdy Virtue That Was Once Found Among The Pantidoodles Inhabiting The Lower Part Of The Peninsula Of Oque. Some Feeble Attempts Were Made By Returned Missionaries To Introduce It Into Several European Countries . .

Sacerdotalist, N. One Who Holds The Belief That A Clergyman Is A Priest. Denial Of This Momentous Doctrine Is The Hardest Challenge That Is Now Flung Into The Teeth Of The Episcopalian Church By The Neo-dictionarians.

Cemetery, N. An Isolated Suburban Spot Where Mourners Match Lies, Poets Write At A Target And Stone-cutters Spell For A Wager.

Centaur, N. One Of A Race Of Persons Who Lived Before The Division Of Labor Had Been Carried To Such A Pitch Of Differentiation, And Who Followed The Primitive Economic Maxim, "every Man His Own Horse."

Pity, N. A Failing Sense Of Exemption, Inspired By Contrast.

Impale, V.t. In Popular Usage, To Pierce With Any Weapon Which Remains Fixed In The Wound . . . . Properly, To Put To Death By Thrusting An Upright Sharp Stake Into The Body, The Victim Being Left In A Sitting Position.

Riot – A Popular Entertainment Given To The Military By Innocent Bystanders.

Pyrrhonism- An Ancient Philosophy, Named For Its Inventor. It Consisted Of An Absolute Disbelief In Everything But Pyrrhonism. Its Modern Professors Have Added That.

Reparation, N. Satisfaction That Is Made For A Wrong And Deducted From The Satisfaction Felt In Committing It.

Caviler, N. A Critic Of Our Own Work.

Learning -the Kind Of Ignorance Affected By (and Affecting) Civilized Races, As Distinguished From Ignorance, The Sort Of Learning Incurred By Savages. See Nonsense.

True, Man Does Not Know Woman. But Neither Does Woman.

Retribution, N. A Rain Of Fire-and-brimstone That Falls Alike Upon The Just And Such Of The Unjust As Have Not Procured Shelter By Evicting Them.

Cerberus, N. The Watch-dog Of Hades, Whose Duty It Was To Guard The Entrance - Against Whom Or What Does Not Clearly Appear; Everybody, Sooner Or Later, Had To Go There, And Nobody Wanted To Carry Off The Entrance.

Immoral: Inexpedient. Whatever In The Long Run And With Regard To The Greater Number Of Instances Men Find To Be Generally Inexpedient Comes To Be Considered Wrong, Wicked, Immoral. If Mans Notions Of Right And Wrong Have Any Other Basis Than This Of Expediency; If They Originated, Or Could Have Originated, In Any Other Way; If Actions Have In Themselves A Moral Character Apart From And Nowise Dependent On, Their Consequences-then All Philosophy Is A Lie And Reason A Disorder Of The Mind.

Decide, V.i. To Succumb To The Preponderance Of One Set Of Influences Over Another Set.

A Man Is Known By The Company He Organizes.

Magic: (n) The Art Of Converting Superstition Into Coin.

Disobedience, N. The Silver Lining To The Cloud Of Servitude.

Opportunity: A Favorable Occasion For Grasping A Disappointment.

International Arbitration May Be Defined As The Substitution Of Many Burning Questions For A Smoldering One

Infalapsarian, N. One Who Ventures To Believe That Adam Need Not Have Sinned Unless He Had A Mind To - In Opposition To The Supralapsarians, Who Hold That That Luckless Person's Fall Was Decreed From The Beginning.

Pickaninny, N. The Young Of The "procyanthropos", Or "americanus Dominans". It Is Small, Black And Charged With Political Fatalities.

Scrap-book, N. A Book That Is Commonly Edited By A Fool. Many Persons Of Some Small Distinction Compile Scrap-books Containing Whatever They Happen To Read About Themselves Or Employ Others To Collect.

What A Woman Most Admires In A Man Is Distinction Among Men. What A Man Most Admires In A Woman Is Devotion To Himself.

Men Who Expect Universal Peace Through Invention Of Destructive Weapons Of War Are No Wiser Than One Who, Noting The Improvement Of Agricultural Implements, Should Prophesy An End To The Tilling Of The Soil.

Age Is Provident Because The Less Future We Have The More We Fear It.

Phonograph, N. An Irritating Toy That Restores Life To Dead Noises.

Idleness, N. A Model Farm Where The Devil Experiments With Seeds Of New Sins And Promotes The Growth Of Staple Vices.

Idiot - A Member Of A Large And Powerful Tribe Whose Influence In Human Affairs Has Always Been Dominant And Controlling. The Idiot's Activity Is Not Confined To Any Special Field Of Thought Or Action, But "pervades And Regulates The Whole." He Has The Last Word In Everything; His Decision Is Unappealable. He Sets The Fashions And Opinion Of Taste, Dictates The Limitations Of Speech And Circumscribes Conduct With A Dead-line.

Birth, N. The First And Direst Of All Disasters. As To The Nature Of It There Appears To Be No Uniformity. Castor And Pollux Were Born From The Egg. Pallas Came Out Of A Skull. Galatea Was Once A Block Of Stone. Peresilis, Who Wrote In The Tenth Century, Avers That He Grew Up Out Of The Ground Where A Priest Had Spilled Holy Water. It Is Known That Arimaxus Was Derived From A Hole In The Earth, Made By A Stroke Of Lightning. Leucomedon Was The Son Of A Cavern In Mount Etna, And I Have Myself Seen A Man Come Out Of A Wine Cellar.

Prophecy, N. The Art And Practice Of Selling One's Credibility For Future Delivery.

Sabbath - A Weekly Festival Having Its Origin In The Fact That God Made The World In Six Days And Was Arrested On The Seventh.

Cui Bono? [latin] What Good Would That Do "me"?

Knowledge Is The Small Part Of Ignorance That We Arrange And Classify.

Arsenic, N. A Kind Of Cosmetic Greatly Affected By The Ladies, Whom It Greatly Affects In Turn.

Close-fisted, Adj. Unduly Desirous Of Keeping That Which Many Meritorious Persons Wish To Obtain.

Heathen, N. A Benighted Creature Who Has The Folly To Worship Something That He Can See And Feel.

Commerce, N. A Kind Of Transaction In Which A Plunders From B The Goods Of C, And For Compensation B Picks The Pocket Of D Of Money Belonging To E.

Pocket, N. The Cradle Of Motive And The Grave Of Conscience. In Woman This Organ Is Lacking; So She Acts Without Motive, And Her Conscience, Denied Burial, Remains Ever Alive, Confessing The Sins Of Others.

Bigamy, N. A Mistake In Taste For Which The Wisdom Of The Future Will Adjudge A Punishment Called Trigamy.

Babe Or Baby, N. A Misshapen Creature Of No Particular Age, Sex, Or Condition, Chiefly Remarkable For The Violence Of The Sympathies And Antipathies It Excites In Others, Itself Without Sentiment Or Emotion.

Joss-sticks- Small Sticks Burned By The Chinese In Their Pagan Tomfoolery, In Imitation Of Certain Sacred Rites Of Our Holy Religion.

Art, N. This Word Has No Definition.

Reach, N. The Radius Of Action Of The Human Hand. The Area Within Which It Is Possible (and Customary) To Gratify Directly The Propensity To Provide.

Liberty: One Of Imagination's Most Precious Possessions.

An Appellate Court Which Reverses The Judgment Of A Popular Author's Contemporaries, The Appellant Being His Obscure Competitor.

Non-combatant, N. A Dead Quaker.

Outcome, N. A Particular Type Of Disappointment . . . . Judged By The Outcome, The Result. This Is Immortal Nonsense; The Wisdom Of An Act Is To Be Juded By The Light That The Doer Had When He Performed It.

A Popular Character In Old Italian Plays, Who Imitated With Ludicrous Incompetence The "buffone", Or Clown, And Was Therefore The Ape Of An Ape; For The Clown Himself Imitated The Serious Characters Of The Play.

Palm, N. A Species Of Tree . . . Of Which The Familiar "itching Palm" ("palma Hominis") Is Most Widely Distributed . . . . This Noble Vegetable Exudes A Kind Of Invisible Gum, Which May Be Detected By Applying To The Bark A Piece Of Gold Or Silver.

Replica, N. A Reproduction Of A Work Of Art, By The Artist That Made The Original. It Is So Called To Distinguish It From A "copy," Which Is Made By Another Artist. When The Two Are Mae With Equal Skill The Replica Is The More Valuable, For It Is Suppose

Happiness Has Not To All The Same Name: To Youth She Is Known As The Future; Age Knows Her As The Dream.

Creditor. One Of A Tribe Of Savages Dwelling Beyond The Financial Straits And Dreaded For Their Desolating Incursions.

That Part Of Your Friend Which It Is Your Privilege To Contemplate In Your Adversity

Quotient, N. A Number Showing How Many Times A Sum Of Money Belonging To One Person Is Contained In The Pocket Of Another - Usually About As Many Times As It Can Be Got There.

Love, N. A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage Or By Removal Of The Patient From The Influences Under Which He Incurred The Disorder.

Temporary Insanity

Doubt Begins Only At The Last Frontiers Of What Is Possible.

Education, N.: That Which Discloses To The Wise And Disguises From The Foolish Their Lack Of Understanding.

Photograph: A Picture Painted By The Sun Without Instruction In Art.

Truth - An Ingenious Compound Of Desirability And Appearance.

Fib, N. A Lie That Has Not Cut Its Teeth. An Habitual Liar's Nearest Approach To Truth: The Perigee Of His Eccentric Orbit.

Review, V.t. To Set Your Wisdom (holding Not A Doubt Of It./ Although In Truth There's Neither Bone Nor Skin To It)/ At Work Upon A Book, And So Read Out Of It/ The Qualities That You Have First Read Into It.

Children Who Have Proven Themselves To Be Incorrigible By The Age Of Twelve Should Be Quickly And Quietly Beheaded, Lest They Grow To Maturity, Marry, And Perpetuate The Likeness Of Their Being.

Immoral" Is The Judgment Of The Stalled Ox On The Gamboling Lamb.

Providential, Adj. Unexpectedly And Conspicuously Beneficial To The Person So Describing It.

Finance, N. The Art Or Science Of Managing Revenues And Resources For The Best Advantage Of The Manager. The Pronunciation Of This Word With The I Long And The Accent On The First Syllable Is One Of America's Most Precious Discoveries And Possessions.

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