Background Image
...
Cemetery, N. An Isolated Suburban Spot Where Mourners Match Lies, Poets Write At A Target And Stone-cutters Spell For A Wager.
-Ambrose Bierce
...
Please Wait....
Translating....

Cemetery, N. An Isolated

Ambrose Bierce
...
Cemetery, N. An Isolated Suburban Spot Where Mourners Match Lies, Poets Write At A Target And Stone-cutters Spell For A Wager.

Understanding the Quote: "cemetery, n. an isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write..."

This quote by Ambrose Bierce reflects deeply on the theme of lying. It connects to the universal human journey of purpose, motivation, and reflection. Often categorized under Lying, Writing, Target, the quote offers insight, emotional clarity, and intellectual inspiration to readers worldwide.

Whether you’re a student exploring new ideas, a leader trying to motivate your team, or someone seeking direction in life — this quote provides value. It resonates because it’s more than words — it’s a bridge between experience and wisdom. It shows how Ambrose Bierce interprets life's core challenges and triumphs.

Lessons From the Quote

This quote teaches resilience and focus. It reminds readers that no matter where they stand in life, reflection and self-awareness lead to growth. Each word has meaning, and when studied, it becomes clear how impactful thoughtful language can be.

About Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce is celebrated for insightful thoughts on lying and writing. Their legacy lives on through writings that guide, comfort, and inspire. Discover more on their profile page.

Actionable Takeaways

  • Reflect on how this quote applies to your current life path.
  • Share the message with someone who needs inspiration.
  • Write your thoughts on this quote in a journal or blog post.
  • Use it as a daily affirmation or reminder.

Closing Thoughts

Quotes like this endure because they capture universal truths. They comfort us in solitude and empower us in groups. Carry this quote forward — live by its wisdom, share its message, and keep its essence alive.

Views: 12804
Topic
Lying
Writing
Target
More From Ambrose Bierce
Acknowledge, V.t. To Confess. Acknowledgment Of One Another's Faults Is The Highest Duty Imposed By Our Love Of Truth.
Love
Truth
Faults
Grapeshot, N. An Argument Which The Future Is Preparing In Answer To The Demands Of American Socialism.
Demand
Answers
Argument
Old, Adj. In That Stage Of Usefulness Which Is Not Inconsistent With General Inefficiency, As An "old Man". Discredited By Lapse Of Time And Offensive To The Popular Taste, As An "old" Book.
Time
Book
Men
Misericorde, N. A Dagger Which In Mediaeval Warfare Was Used By The Foot Soldier To Remind An Unhorsed Knight That He Was Mortal.
Knights
Feet
Soldier
Experience Is A Revelation In The Light Of Which We Renounce Our Errors Of Youth For Those Of Age.
Birthday
Errors
Light
Story, N. A Narrative, Commonly Untrue. The Truth Of The Stories Here Following Has, However, Not Been Successfully Impeached.
Truth
Stories
Narrative
Presentable, Adj. Hideously Appareled After The Manner Of The Time And Place.
Time
A Subsidiary Deity Designed To Catch The Overflow And Surplus Of The World's Worship . . . . [h]is Master Works For The Means Wherewith To Purchase The Idle Wag Of The Solomonic Tail, Seasoned With A Look Of Tolerant Recognition.
Dog
Mean
World
Inventor: A Person Who Makes An Ingenious Arrangement Of Wheels, Levers And Springs, And Believes It Civilization.
Spring
Believe
Science
Cribbage, N. A Substitute For Conversation Among Those To Whom Nature Has Denied Ideas.
Ideas
Substitutes
Conversation
Oyster, N. A Slimy, Gobby Shellfish Which Civilization Gives Men The Hardihood To Eat Without Removing Its Entrails! The Shells Are Sometimes Given To The Poor.
Food
Men
Oysters
Rope, N. An Obsolescent Appliance For Reminding Assassins That They Too Are Mortal. It Is Put About The Neck And Remains In Place One's Whole Life Long.
Life
Long
Rope
Imagination, N. A Warehouse Of Facts, With Poet And Liar In Joint Ownership.
Liars
Science
Imagination
Scriptures - The Sacred Books Of Our Holy Religion, As Distinguished From The False And Profane Writings On Which All Other Faiths Are Based.
Book
Writing
Religion
Liver, N. A Large Red Organ Thoughtfully Provided By Nature To Be Bilious With. The Liver Is Heaven's Best Gift To The Goose; Without It That Bird Would Be Unable To Supply Us With The Strasbourg "pate".
Nature
Bird
Heaven
A Lottery Is A Tax On Stupidity.
Stupidity
Taxes
Lottery
Proof, N. Evidence Having A Shade More Of Plausibility Than Of Unlikelihood. The Testimony Of Two Credible Witnesses As Opposed To That Of Only One.
Science
Two
Shade
To Renounce An Honor For An Advantage. To Renounce An Advantage For A Greater Advantage.
Honor
Advantage
Renounce
Happiness: An Agreeable Sensation Arising From Contemplating The Misery Of Another.
Funny
Happiness
Happy
It Has Been Observed That One's Nose Is Never So Happy As When Thrust Into The Affairs Of Others From Which Some Physiologists Have Drawn The Inference That The Nose Is Devoid Of The Sense Of Smell.
Happiness
Smell
Noses
Ritualism, N. A Dutch Garden Of God Where He May Walk In Rectilinear Freedom, Keeping Off The Grass.
Freedom
Garden
May
Peroration, N. The Explosion Of An Oratorical Rocket. It Dazzles, But To An Observer Having The Wrong Kind Of Nose Its Most Conspicuous Peculiarity Is The Smell Of The Several Kinds Of Powder Used In Preparing It.
Kindness
Smell
Noses
Revolution, N. In Politics, An Abrupt Change In The Form Of Misgovernment. . . . The Substitution Of The Rule Of An Administration For That Of A Ministry, Whereby The Welfare And Happiness Of The People Were Advanced A Full Half-inch.
Change
Happiness
People
Widow, N. A Pathetic Figure That The Christian World Has Agreed To Take Humorously, Although Christ's Tenderness Towards Widows Was One Of The Most Marked Features Of His Character.
Christian
Character
Widows
That Part Of Your Friend Which It Is Your Privilege To Contemplate In Your Adversity
Friendship
Adversity
Privilege
Republic, N. A Nation In Which, The Thing Governing And The Thing Governed Being The Same, There Is Only A Permitted Authority To Enforce An Optional Obedience.
Republic
Obedience
Authority
When In Rome, Do As Rome Does.
Rome
Cities
Doe
Scarabaeus, N. The Sacred Beetle Of The Ancient Egyptians, Allied To Our Familiar "tumble-bug." It Was Supposed To Symbolize Immortality, The Fact That God Knew Why Giving It Its Peculiar Sanctity.
Giving
Peculiar
Sacred
An Ingenious Compound Of Desirability And Appearance. Discovery Of Truth Is The Sole Purpose Of Philosophy, Which Is The Most Ancient Occupation Of The Human Mind And Has A Fair Prospect Of Existing With Increasing Activity To The End Of Time.
Time
Truth
Philosophy
Worms'-meat, N. The Finished Product Of Which We Are The Raw Material. The Contents Of The Taj Mahal, The Tombeau Napoleon And The Granitarium. Worms'-meat Is Usually Outlasted By The Structure That Houses It, But "this Too Must Pass Away." Probably The Silliest Work In Which A Human Being Can Engage Is Construction Of A Tomb For Himself. The Solemn Purpose Cannot Dignify, But Only Accentuates By Contrast The Foreknown Futility.
House
Passing Away
Meat
An Absolute Monarchy Is One In Which The Sovereign Does As He Pleases So Long As He Pleases The Assassins.
Long
Doe
Assassins
The Best Kind Of Onion Soup Is The Simplest Kind.
Onions
Soup
Kind
All Are Lunatics, But He Who Can Analyze His Delusions Is Called A Philosopher.
Insanity
Philosopher
Delusional
A Short Story Padded. A Species Of Composition Bearing The Same Relation To Literature That The Panorama Bears To Art. As It Is Too Long To Be Read At A Sitting The Impressions Made By Its Successive Parts Are Successively Effaced, As In The Pa
Success
Art
Long
Monosyllabic, Adj. Composed Of Words Of One Syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - That Is To Say, Words Of A Barbarous People Destitute Of Ideas And Incapable Of Any But The Most Elementary Sentiments And Emotions.
Ideas
People
Emotion
An Army's Bravest Men Are Its Cowards. The Death Which They Would Not Meet At The Hands Of The Enemy They Will Meet At The Hands Of Their Officers, With Never A Flinching.
Army
Men
Hands
Usage, N. The First Person Of The Literary Trinity, The Second And Third Being Custom And Conventionality. Imbued With A Decent Reverence For This Holy Triad An Industrious Writer May Hope To Produce Books That Will Live As Long As The Fashion.
Hope
Fashion
Book
Calumnus, N. A Graduate Of The School For Scandal.
Graduation
School
Scandal
Photograph, N. A Picture Painted By The Sun Without Instruction In Art. It Is A Little Better Than The Work Of An Apache, But Not Quite So Good As That Of A Cheyenne.
Photography
Art
Work
Acquaintance: "a Person Whom We Know Well Enough To Borrow From, But Not Well Enough To Lend To. A Degree Of Friendship Called Slight When Its Object Is Poor Or Obscure, And Intimate When He Is Rich Or Famous.
Degrees
Rich
Obscure
Male, A Member Of The Unconsidered Or Negligible Gender. The Male Of The Human Race Is Commonly Known To The Female As Mere Man. The Genus Has Two Varieties: Good Providers And Bad Providers.
Men
Race
Two
Frying-pan, N. One Part Of The Penal Apparatus Employed In That Punitive Institution, A Woman's Kitchen. The Frying-pan Was Invented By Calvin, And By Him Used In Cooking Span-long Infants That Had Died Without Baptism; And Observing One Day The Horrible Torment Of A Tramp Who Had Incautiously Pulled A Fried Babe From The Waste-dump And Devoured It, It Occurred To The Great Divine To Rob Death Of Its Terrors By Introducing The Frying-pan Into Every Household In Geneva. Thence It Spread To All Corners Of The World, And Has Been Of Invaluable Assistance In The Propagation Of His Sombre Faith.
Long
Baptism
Cooking
Picture, N. A Representation In Two Dimensions Of Something Wearisome In Three.
Art
Two
Three
Doubt Begins Only At The Last Frontiers Of What Is Possible.
Doubt
Lasts
Frontiers
Condole - To Show That Bereavement Is A Smaller Evil Than Sympathy.
Evil
Bereavement
Shows
Genius - To Know Without Having Learned; To Draw Just Conclusions From Unknown Premises; To Discern The Soul Of Things.
Soul
Genius
Conclusion
Vote: The Instrument And Symbol Of A Freeman's Power To Make A Fool Of Himself And A Wreck Of His Country.
Country
Stupid
Power
Nature's Fortuitous Manifestation Of Her Purposeless Objectionableness.
Nature
Science
Admonition
Witch, N. (1) Any Ugly And Repulsive Old Woman, In A Wicked League With The Devil. (2) A Beautiful And Attractive Young Woman, In Wickedness A League Beyond The Devil.
Beautiful
Women
League
Cemetery, N. An Isolated Suburban Spot Where Mourners Match Lies, Poets Write At A Target And Stone-cutters Spell For A Wager.
Lying
Writing
Target
The Furrier Gets The Skins Of More Foxes Than Asses.
Skins
Foxes
Ass
Intention, N. The Mind's Sense Of The Prevalence Of One Set Of Influences Over Another Set; An Effect Whose Cause Is The Imminence, Immediate Or Remote, Of The Performance Of An Involuntary Act.
Mind
Causes
Influence
Incompatibility, N. In Matrimony A Similarity Of Tastes, Particularly The Taste For Domination. Incompatibility May, However, Consist Of A Meek-eyed Matron Living Just Around The Corner. It Has Even Been Known To Wear A Moustache.
Life
Justice
May
Irreligion - The Principal One Of The Great Faiths Of The World.
Religion
Atheism
World
Aphorism, N. Predigested Wisdom.
Wisdom
Aphorism
A Hollow Edifice Erected For The Habitation Of Man, Rat, Mouse, Beetle, Cockroach, Fly, Mosquito, Flea, Bacillus, And Microbe.
Party
Men
House
Oratory, N. A Conspiracy Between Speech And Action To Cheat The Understanding. A Tyranny Tempered By Stenography.
Cheating
Understanding
Oratory
Philistine, N. One Whose Mind Is The Creature Of Its Environment, Following The Fashion In Thought, Feeling And Sentiment. He Is Sometimes Learned, Frequently Prosperous, Commonly Clean And Always Solemn.
Fashion
Learning
Feelings
Apothecary, N. The Physician's Accomplice, Undertaker's Benefactor And Grave Worm's Provider
Science
Physicians
Graves
Epitaph: An Inscription On A Tomb Showing That Virtues Acquired By Death Have A Retroactive Effect.
Death
Dying
Virtue
To Dogmatism The Spirit Of Inquiry Is The Same As The Spirit Of Evil.
Evil
Inquiry
Spirit
Limb, N. The Branch Of A Tree Or The Leg Of An American Woman.
Women
Tree
Legs
Tzetze (or Tsetse) Fly, N. An African Insect ("glossina Morsitans") Whose Bite Is Commonly Regarded As Nature's Most Efficacious Remedy For Insomnia, Though Some Patients Prefer That Of The American Novelist ("mendax Interminabilis").
Nature
Insomnia
Novelists
Good-bye -- If You Hear Of My Being Stood Up Against A Stone Wall And Shot To Rags Please Know That I Think That A Pretty Good Way To Depart This Life. It Beats Old Age, Disease Or Falling Down The Cellar Stairs.
Wall
Fall
Thinking
Flag, N. A Colored Rag Borne Above Troops And Hoisted On Forts And Ships. It Appears To Serve The Same Purpose As Certain Signs That One Sees And Vacant Lots In London
Rags
Troops
Purpose
Technicality, N. In An English Court A Man Named Home Was Tried For Slander In Having Accused His Neighbor Of Murder. His Exact Words Were: "sir Thomas Holt Hath Taken A Cleaver And Stricken His Cook Upon The Head, So That One Side Of The Head Fell Upon One Shoulder And The Other Side Upon The Other Shoulder." The Defendant Was Acquitted By Instruction Of The Court, The Learned Judges Holding That The Words Did Not Charge Murder, For They Did Not Affirm The Death Of The Cook, That Being Only An Inference.
Taken
Home
Men
Life, N. A Spiritual Pickle Preserving The Body From Decay. We Live In Daily Apprehension Of Its Loss; Yet When Lost It Is Not Missed.
Life
Spiritual
Loss
To Be Comic Is Merely To Be Playful, But Wit Is A Serious Matter. To Laugh At It Is To Confess That You Do Not Understand.
Laughing
Matter
Serious
Rascality, N. Stupidity Militant. The Activity Of A Clouded Intellect.
Military
Stupidity
Intellect
Heathen, N. A Benighted Creature Who Has The Folly To Worship Something That He Can See And Feel.
Fear
Worship
Folly
Fashion, N. A Despot Whom The Wise Ridicule And Obey.
Wise
Fashion
Ridicule
Piano, N. A Parlor Utensil For Subduing The Impenitent Visitor. It Is Operated By Depressing The Keys Of The Machine And The Spirits Of The Audience.
Funny
Music
Keys
Backbite: To ''speak Of A Man As You Find Him'' When He Can't Find You.
Men
Speak
Slander
Love, N. A Temporary Insanity Curable By Marriage Or By Removal Of The Patient From The Influences Under Which He Incurred The Disorder.
Love
Temporary Insanity
Patient
Alien - An American Sovereign In His Probationary State.
Immigration
Sovereign
Aliens
Admiral. That Part Of A Warship Which Does The Talking While The Figurehead Does The Thinking.
War
Army
Thinking
A Revolution Is A Violent Change Of Mismanagement.
Revolution
Violent
Mismanagement
Mesmerism, N. Hypnotism Before It Wore Good Clothes, Kept A Carriage And Asked Incredulity To Dinner.
Science
Clothes
Dinner
Don't Steal; Thou'lt Never Thus Compete Successfully In Business. Cheat.
Business
Work
Competition
Brandy, N. A Cordial Composed On One Part Thunder-and-lightning, One Part Remorse, Two Parts Bloody Murder, One Part Death-hell-and-the-grave And Four Parts Clarified Satan.
Two
Alcohol
Four
Hippogriff, N. An Animal (now Extinct) Which Was Half Horse And Half Griffin. The Griffin Was Itself A Compound Creature, Half Lion And Half Eagle. The Hippogriff Was Actually, Therefore, Only One-quarter Eagle, Which Is Two Dollars And Fifty Cents In Gold. The Study Of Zoology Is Full Of Surprises.
Horse
Animal
Eagles
Railroad, N. The Chief Of Many Mechanical Devices Enabling Us To Get Away From Where We Are To Where We Are No Better Off. For This Purpose The Railroad Is Held In Highest Favor By The Optimist, For It Permits Him To Make The Transit With Great Expedition.
Science
Railroads
Purpose
Convent - A Place Of Retirement For Women Who Wish For Leisure To Meditate Upon The Sin Of Idleness.
Retirement
Women
Judging
Proboscis, N. The Rudimentary Organ Of An Elephant Which Serves Him In Place Of The Knife-and-fork That Evolution Has As Yet Denied Him. For Purposes Of Humor It Is Popularly Called A Trunk.
Science
Knives
Elephants
Optimism, N. The Doctrine, Or Belief, That Everything Is Beautiful, Including What Is Ugly, Everything Good, Especially The Bad, And Everything Right That Is Wrong. It Is Held With Greatest Tenacity By Those Most Accustomed To The Mischance Of Falling Into Adversity, And Is Most Acceptably Expounded With Disproof - An Intellectual Disorder, Yielding To No Treatment But Death. It Is Hereditary, But Fortunately Not Contagious.
Beautiful
Fall
Adversity
Sauce, N. The One Infallible Sign Of Civilization And Enlightenment. A People With No Sauces Has One Thousand Vices; A People With One Sauce Has Only Nine Hundred And Ninety-nine. For Every Sauce Invented And Accepted A Vice Is Renounced And Forgiven.
Food
Ninety Nine
Civilization
Inadmissible- Not Competent To Be Considered. Hearsay Evidence Is Inadmissible ... But There Is No Religion In The World That Has Any Other Basis Than Hearsay Evidence.
Religion
World
Evidence
Twice – Once Too Often.
Tail, N. The Part Of An Animal's Spine That Has Transcended Its Natural Limitations To Set Up An Independent Existence In A World Of Its Own.
Independent
Animal
Tails
Enthusiasm - A Distemper Of Youth, Curable By Small Doses Of Repentance In Connection With Outward Applications Of Experience.
Reality
Connections
Enthusiasm
Retribution, N. A Rain Of Fire-and-brimstone That Falls Alike Upon The Just And Such Of The Unjust As Have Not Procured Shelter By Evicting Them.
Rain
Fall
Fire
Corporation: An Ingenious Device For Obtaining Profit Without Individual Responsibility.
Inspirational
Sarcastic
Business
Dog - A Kind Of Additional Or Subsidiary Deity Designed To Catch The Overflow And Surplus Of The World's Worship.
Dog
Literature
World
A Wedding Is A Ceremony At Which Two Persons Undertake To Become One, One Undertakes To Become Nothing, And Nothing Undertakes To Become Supportable.
Wedding
Two
Ceremony
Fear Has No Brains; It Is An Idiot.
Fear
Brain
Idiot
Erudition - Dust Shaken Out Of A Book Into An Empty Skull.
Book
Dust
Skulls
Novel, N. A Short Story Padded.
Stories
Literature
Novel
Delusion, N. The Father Of A Most Respectable Family, Comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity And Many Other Goodly Sons And Daughters.
Family
Faith
Daughter
Mustang, N. An Indocile Horse Of The Western Plains. In English Society, The American Wife Of An English Nobleman.
Horse
Wife
Society
Monument, N. A Structure Intended To Commemorate Something Which Either Needs No Commemoration Or Cannot Be Commemorated.
Needs
Structure
Commemoration
Oblivion, N. Cold Storage For High Hopes. A Place Where Ambitious Authors Meet Their Works Without Pride And Their Betters Without Envy. A Dormitory Without An Alarm Clock.
Hope
Pride
Envy
Material, Adj. Having An Actual Existence, As Distinguished From An Imaginary One. Important.
Important
Existence
Distinguished
To Apologize Is To Lay The Foundation For A Future Offense.
Future
Apology
Foundation
Penitent, Adj. Undergoing Or Awaiting Punishment.
Punishment
Disobedience, N. The Silver Lining To The Cloud Of Servitude.
Sarcastic
Clouds
Silver
Christian - One Who Follows The Teachings Of Christ Insofar As They Are Not Inconsistent With A Life Of Sin.
Life
God
Christian
An Appellate Court Which Reverses The Judgment Of A Popular Author's Contemporaries, The Appellant Being His Obscure Competitor.
Judgment
Popularity
Obscure
Loss, N. Privation Of That Which We Had, Or Had Not. Thus, In The Latter Sense, It Is Said Of A Defeated Candidate That He "lost His Election".
Loss
Losing
Election
Minister, N. An Agent Of A Higher Power With A Lower Responsibility. In Diplomacy, An Officer Sent Into A Foreign Country As The Visible Embodiment Of His Sovereign's Hostility.
Country
Responsibility
Power
A Nation That Will Not Enforce Its Laws Has No Claim To The Respect And Allegiance Of Its People.
Law
People
Claims
Quorum, N. A Sufficient Number Of Members Of A Deliberative Body To Have Their Own Way And Their Own Way Of Having It. In The U.s. Senate A Quorum Consists Of The Chairman Of The Committee On Finance And A Messenger From The White House.
White
Numbers
House
Slang Is The Speech Of Him Who Robs The Literary Garbage Carts On Their Way To The Dumps.
Speech
Way
Garbage
Perfection, N. An Imaginary State Of Quality Distinguished From The Actual By An Element Known As Excellence; An Attribute Of The Critic. The Editor Of An English Magazine Having Received A Letter Pointing Out The Erroneous Nature Of His Views And Style, And Signed "perfection," Promptly Wrote At The Foot Of The Letter: "i Don't Agree With You," And Mailed It To Matthew Arnold.
Views
Editors
Feet
Liar: A Lawyer With A Roving Commission.
Liars
Roving
Lawyer
Day, N. A Period Of Twenty-four Hours, Mostly Misspent.
Time
Twenties
Four
Alligator: The Crocodile Of America, Superior In Every Detail To The Crocodile Of The Effete Monarchies Of The Old World.
America
Details
World
Ingrate, N. One Who Receives A Benefit From Another, Or Is Otherwise An Object Of Charity.
Ingrates
Benefits
Charity
Rich, Adj. Holding In Trust And Subject To An Accounting The Property Of The Indolent, The Incompetent, The Unthrifty, The Envious And The Luckless.
Trust
Envy
Rich
Mad; Adj. Affected With A High Degree Of Intellectual Independence; Not Conforming To Standards Of Thought, Speech, And Action Derived By The Conformants From Study Of Themselves; At Odds With The Majority; In Short, Unusual. It Is Noteworthy That Persons Are Pronounced Mad By Officials Destitute Of Evidence That They Themselves Are Sane.
Crazy
Odds
Mad
Adore, V.t. To Venerate Expectantly.
Adore
To The Eye Of Failure Success Is An Accident.
Eye
Success Failure
Accidents
Riven And Torn With Cannon-shot, The Trunks Of The Trees Protruded Bunches Of Splinters Like Hands, The Fingers Above The Wound Interlacing With Those Below.
Hands
Tree
Splinters
A Leech Who, Having Penetrated The Shell Of A Turtle Only To Find That The Creature Has Long Been Dead, Deems It Expedient To Form A New Attachment To A Fresh Turtle.
Turtles
Attachment
Long
Envy, N. Emulation Adapted To The Meanest Capacity.
Envy
Emulation
Capacity
Plunder, V. To Take The Property Of Another Without Observing The Decent And Customary Reticences Of Theft. To Wrest The Wealth Of A From B And Leave C Lamenting A Vanishing Opportunity.
Opportunity
Vanishing
Wealth
A Total Abstainer Is One Who Abstains From Everything But Abstention, And Especially From Inactivity In The Affairs Of Others.
Affair
Inactivity
Abstention
Land: A Part Of The Earth's Surface, Considered As Property. The Theory That Land Is Property Subject To Private Ownership And Control Is The Foundation Of Modern Society, And Is Eminently Worthy Of The Superstructure.
Land
Foundation
Earth
Scribbler, N. A Professional Writer Whose Views Are Antagonistic To One's Own.
Writing
Views
Cui Bono? [latin] What Good Would That Do "me"?
Latin
Monarchical Government, N. Government.
Government
Good, Adj. Sensible, Madam, To The Worth Of This Present Writer. Alive, Sir, To The Advantages Of Letting Him Alone.
Alive
Advantage
Sensible
A Violin Is The Revenge Exacted By The Intestines Of A Dead Cat.
Revenge
Cat
Violin
When You Are Ill Make Haste To Forgive Your Enemies, For You May Recover.
Forgiving
Enemy
Haste
Consul - In American Politics, A Person Who Having Failed To Secure An Office From The People Is Given One By The Administration On Condition That He Leave The Country.
Country
People
Office
Pilgrim, N. A Traveler That Is Taken Seriously. A Pilgrim Father Was One Who [was] Not Permitted To Sing Psalms Through His Nose [in Europe], Followed It To Massachusetts, Where He Could Personate God According To The Dictates Of His Conscience.
Father
Taken
Europe
Inhumanity, N. One Of The Signal And Characteristic Qualities Of Humanity.
Humanity
Quality
Characteristics
Men Who Expect Universal Peace Through Invention Of Destructive Weapons Of War Are No Wiser Than One Who, Noting The Improvement Of Agricultural Implements, Should Prophesy An End To The Tilling Of The Soil.
War
Men
Weapons
Photograph: A Picture Painted By The Sun Without Instruction In Art.
Inspirational
Photography
Art
Distance, N. The Only Thing That The Rich Are Willing For The Poor To Call Theirs And Keep.
Distance
Rich
Poor
Censor, N. An Officer Of Certain Governments, Employed To Supress The Works Of Genius. Among The Romans The Censor Was An Inspector Of Public Morals, But The Public Morals Of Modern Nations Will Not Bear Inspection.
Government
Genius
Bears
Lawyer, N. One Skilled In Circumvention Of The Law.
Law
Lawyer
Conservative, N: A Statesman Who Is Enamored Of Existing Evils, As Distinguished From The Liberal Who Wishes To Replace Them With Others.
Evil
Political
Wish
For Every Man There Is Something In The Vocabulary That Would Stick To Him Like A Second Skin. His Enemies Have Only To Find It.
Men
Vocabulary
Names
You Don't Have To Be Stupid To Be A Christian, ... But It Probably Helps.
Christian
Stupid
Helping
Meekness: Uncommon Patience In Planning A Revenge That Is Worth While.
Patience
Revenge
Planning
Belladonna, N.: In Italian A Beautiful Lady; In English A Deadly Poison. A Striking Example Of The Essential Identity Of The Two Tongues.
Beautiful
Italian
Two
Rice-water, N. A Mystic Beverage Secretly Used By Our Most Popular Novelists And Poets To Regulate The Imagination And Narcotize The Conscience.
Water
Imagination
Novelists
Finance Is The Art Or Science Of Managing Revenues And Resources For The Best Advantage Of The Manager
Art
Finance
Advantage
Seine, N. A Kind Of Net For Effecting An Involuntary Change Of Environment. For Fish It Is Made Strong And Coarse, But Women Are More Easily Taken With A Singularly Delicate Fabric Weighted With Small, Cut Stones.
Change
Strong
Taken
Abnormal, Adj. Not Conforming To Standard. In Matters Of Thought And Conduct, To Be Independent Is To Be Abnormal, To Be Abnormal Is To Be Detested. Wherefore The Lexicographer Adviseth A Striving Toward The Straiter [sic] Resemblance Of The Average Man Than He Hath To Himself. Whoso Attaineth Thereto Shall Have Peace, The Prospect Of Death And The Hope Of Hell.
Independent
Men
Average
Quotient, N. A Number Showing How Many Times A Sum Of Money Belonging To One Person Is Contained In The Pocket Of Another - Usually About As Many Times As It Can Be Got There.
Money
Numbers
Pockets
Improvidence, N. Provision For The Needs Of To-day From The Revenues Of To-morrow.
Needs
Morrow
Provision
Litigation: A Machine Which You Go Into As A Pig And Come Out Of As A Sausage.
Pigs
Law
Machines
Age Is Provident Because The Less Future We Have The More We Fear It.
Age
Politeness, N: The Most Acceptable Hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy
Manners
Etiquette
One Of The Greatest Of Poets, Coleridge Was One Of The Wisest Of Men, And It Was Not For Nothing That He Read Us This Parable. Let Us Have A Little Less Of "hands Across The Sea," And A Little More Of That Elemental Distrust That Is The Security Of Nations. War Loves To Come Like A Thief In The Night; Professions Of Eternal Amity Provide The Night.
War
Night
Men
Language, N. The Music With Which We Charm The Serpents Guarding Another's Treasure.
Music
Guarding
Treasure
Pleonasm, N. An Army Of Words Escorting A Corporal Of Thought.
Army
Escorting
Prehistoric, Adj. Belonging To An Early Period And A Museum. Antedating The Art And Practice Of Perpetuating Falsehood.
Art
Museums
Practice
Income Is The Natural And Rational Gauge And Measure Of Respectability.
Gauges
Income
Natural
Dentist: A Prestidigitator Who, Putting Metal Into Your Mouth, Pulls Coin Out Of Your Pocket.
Funny
Science
Pockets
Convictions Are Variable; To Be Always Consistent Is To Be Sometimes Dishonest.
Variables
Sometimes
Conviction
Pertaining To A Certain Order Of Architecture, Otherwise Known As Normal American. Most Of The Public Buildings Of The United States Are Of The Ramshackle Order, Though Some Of Our Earlier Architects Preferred The Ironic. Recent Additions To The White House In Washington Are Theo-doric, The Ecclesiastic Order Of The Dorians. They Are Exceedingly Fine And Cost One Hundred Dollars A Brick.
Order
White
House
Labor Is One Of The Processes By Which A Acquires Property For B.
Process
Labor
Property
Admiration, N. Our Polite Recognition Of Another's Resemblance To Ourselves.
Love
Appreciation
Rewards And Recognition
Platonic, Adj. Pertaining To The Philosophy Of Socrates. Platonic Love Is A Fool's Name For The Affection Between A Disability And A Frost.
Love
Philosophy
Names
Expostulation, N. One Of The Many Methods By Which Fools Prefer To Lose Their Friends.
Friendship
Fool
Method
Selfish, Adj. Devoid Of Consideration For The Selfishness Of Others.
Selfish
Selfishness
Consideration
Molecule, N.: The Ultimate, Indivisible Unit Of Matter. It Is Distinguished From The Corpuscle, Also The Ultimate, Indivisible Unit Of Matter, By A Closer Resemblance To The Atom, Also The Ultimate, Indivisible Unit Of Matter ... The Ion Differs From The Molecule, The Corpuscle And The Atom In That It Is An Ion.
Ions
Molecules
Atoms
Disabuse, V.t. To Present Your Neighbor With Another And Better Error Than The One Which He Has Deemed Advantageous To Embrace.
Errors
Neighbor
Embrace
Redemption, N. Deliverance Of Sinners From The Penalty Of Their Sin, Through Their Murder Of The Deity Against Whom They Sinned . . . . Whoso Believeth In It Shall Not Perish, But Have Everlasting Life In Which To Try To Understand It.
Life
Understanding
Trying
Whangdepootenawah, N. In The Ojibwa Tongue, Disaster; An Unexpected Affliction That Strikes Hard.
Affliction
Tongue
Unexpected
Digestion, N. The Conversion Of Victuals Into Virtues. When The Process Is Imperfect, Vices Are Evolved Instead - A Circumstance From Which That Wicked Writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, Infers That The Ladies Are The Greater Sufferers From Dyspepsia.
Science
Imperfection
Wicked
Monkey, N. An Arboreal Animal Which Makes Itself At Home In Genealogical Trees.
Home
Animal
Tree
Rome Has Seven Sacraments, But The Protestant Churches, Being Less Prosperous, Feel That They Can Afford Only Two, And These Of Inferior Sanctity.
Rome
Two
Church
Deluge, N. A Notable First Experiment In Baptism Which Washed Away The Sins (and Sinners) Of The World.
Baptism
World
Firsts
Medicine, N. A Stone Flung Down The Bowery To Kill A Dog In Broadway.
Dog
Science
Medicine
Nepotism, N. Appointing Your Grandmother To Office For The Good Of The Party.
Party
Grandmother
Office
Immoral: Inexpedient. Whatever In The Long Run And With Regard To The Greater Number Of Instances Men Find To Be Generally Inexpedient Comes To Be Considered Wrong, Wicked, Immoral. If Mans Notions Of Right And Wrong Have Any Other Basis Than This Of Expediency; If They Originated, Or Could Have Originated, In Any Other Way; If Actions Have In Themselves A Moral Character Apart From And Nowise Dependent On, Their Consequences-then All Philosophy Is A Lie And Reason A Disorder Of The Mind.
Running
Lying
Philosophy
When You Doubt, Abstain.
Doubt
Politics: A Strife Of Interests Masquerading As A Contest Of Principles. The Conduct Of Public Affairs For Private Advantage.
Political Will
Greed
Nerd
Uncommon Extension Of The Fear Of Death.
Aging
Fear Of Death
Uncommon
Reality, N. The Dream Of A Mad Philosopher. That Which Would Remain In The Cupel If One Should Assay A Phantom. The Nucleus Of A Vacuum.
Dream
Philosophy
Reality
Nectar, N. A Drink Served At Banquets Of The Olympian Deities. The Secret Of Its Preparation Is Lost, But The Modern Kentuckians Believe That They Come Pretty Near To A Knowledge Of Its Chief Ingredient.
Believe
Preparation
Secret
Ultimatum, N. In Diplomacy, A Last Demand Before Resorting To Concessions.
Demand
Lasts
Diplomacy
Tenacity, N. A Certain Quality Of The Human Hand In Its Relation To The Coin Of The Realm. It Attains Its Highest Development In The Hand Of Authority And Is Considered A Serviceable Equipment For A Career In Politics.
Hands
Careers
Quality
Brain, N. An Apparatus With Which We Think That We Think. That Which Distinguishes The Man Who Is Content To Be Something From The Man Who Wishes To Do Something. A Man Of Great Wealth, Or One Who Has Been Pitchforked Into High Station, Has Commonly Such A Headful Of Brain That His Neighbors Cannot Keep Their Hats On. In Our Civilization, And Under Our Republican Form Of Government, Brain Is So Highly Honored That It Is Rewarded By Exemption From The Cares Of Office.
Science
Men
Thinking
Heart, N. Figuratively, This Useful Organ Is Said To Be The Seat Of Emotions And Sentiments . . . . It Is Now Known That Sentiments And Emotions Reside In The Stomach, Being Evolved From Food By Chemical Action Of The Gastric Fluid.
Heart
Action
Emotion
Me, Pro. The Objectionable Case Of I. The Personal Pronoun In English Has Three Cases, The Dominative, The Objectionable And The Oppressive. Each Is All Three.
Ego
Three
Pronouns
Magnitude, N. Size [that Is] Purely Relative. If Everything In The Universe Were Increased 1,000 Diameters Nothing Would Be Any Larger Than It Was Before, But If One Thing Remain Unchanged All The Others Would Be Larger Than They Had Been.
Would Be
Size
Magnitude
Acquaintance. A Person Whom We Know Well Enough To Borrow From, But Not Well Enough To Lend To.
Friendship
Enough
Acquaintance
Talk, V.t. To Commit An Indiscretion Without Temptation, From An Impulse Without Purpose.
Temptation
Purpose
Impulse
While You Have A Future Do Not Live Too Much In Contemplation Of Your Past: Unless You Are Content To Walk Backward The Mirror Is A Poor Guide.
Past
Mirrors
Too Much
A Rabbit's Foot May Bring Good Luck To You, But It Brought None To The Rabbit.
Good Luck
Feet
Rabbits
When Lost In A Forest Go Always Down Hill. When Lost In A Philosophy Or Doctrine Go Upward.
Philosophy
Doctrine
Forests
Satiety, N. The Feeling That One Has For The Plate After He Has Eaten Its Contents, Madam.
Food
Cooking
Feelings
Abscond - To Move In A Mysterious Way, Commonly With The Property Of Another.
Funny
Moving
Humor
Monsignor- A High Ecclesiastical Title, Of Which The Founder Of Our Religion Overlooked The Advantages.
Religion
Titles
Advantage
Compromise, N. Such An Adjustment Of Conflicting Interests As Gives Each Adversary The Satisfaction Of Thinking He Has Got What He Ought Not To Have, And Is Deprived Of Nothing Except What Was Justly His Due.
Thinking
Giving
Satisfaction
Indifferent, Adj. Imperfectly Sensible To Distinctions Among Things.
Indifference
Distinction
Indifferent
Trending Author
Luciano Pavarotti
Paul Engle
Herb Elliott
John Dykstra
Nikki Haley
Jim Elliot
Category
Information