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They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

-Will Rogers

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They Have Passed The

Will Rogers

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They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

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The Bankers Just Got A Good Cussing By Everybody For Loaning Too Much Money. Well, They Got Some Awful Nice Buildings. So When A Banker Fails, He Fails In Splendor.

If There Are No Dogs In Heaven, Then When I Die I Want To Go Where They Went.

Our Country Has Plenty Of Five-cent Cigars, But The Trouble Is They Charge Fifteen Cents For Them.

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

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That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

We May Elevate Ourselves But We Should Never Reach So High That We Would Every Forget Those Who Helped Us Get There.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

You Know, Women Always Could Endure More Than Men. Not Only Physically, But Mentally - Did You Ever Get A Peek At Some Of The Husbands?

There Is No Argument In The World That Carries The Hatred That A Relioious Belief Does. The More Learned A Man Is, The Less Consideration He Has For Another Man's Belief.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

We Cuss Congress, And We Joke About 'em, But They Are All Good Fellows At Heart, And If They Wasn't In Congress, Why, They Would Be Doing Something Else Against Us That Might Be Even Worse.

Democrats Always Were A Cheap Lot. They Never Had Much Money To Operate On.... They Would Rather Make A Speech Than A Dollar. They Cultivate Their Voice Instead Of Their Finances.

The Worst Thing That Happens To You May Be The Best Thing For You If You Don't Let It Get The Best Of You.

The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, The More You've Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other.

Even When You Make A Tax Form Out On The Level, You Don't Know When It's Through If You Are A Crook Or A Martyr.

People Who Fly Into A Rage Always Make A Bad Landing.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

The Minute You Read Something And You Can't Understand It, You Can Be Sure It Was Written By A Lawyer. Then, If You Give It To Another Lawyer To Read And He Don't Know Just What It Means, Then You Can Be Sure It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer. If It's In A Few Words And Is Plain, And Understandable Only One Way, It Was Written By A Non-lawyer.

If You Feel The Urge, Don't Be Afraid To Go On A Wild Goose Chase. What Do You Think Wild Geese Are For Anyway?

The Self Persists Like A Dying Star, In Sleep, Afraid.

If You Have A Radio, The Next Three Months Is A Good Time To Have It Quit Working. All You Will Hear From Now Until The 4th Of November Will Be: 'we Must Get Our Government Out Of The Hands Of Predatory Wealth.' 'the Good People Of This Great Country Are Burdened To Death With Taxes. Now What I Intend To Do Is ...' What He Intends To Do Is Try And Get Elected. That's All Any Of Them Intend To Do. Another One That Will Hum Over The Old Static Every Night Will Be: 'this Country Has Reached A Crisis In Its National Existence.'

I Was Just Thinking, If It Is Really Religion With These Nudist Colonies, They Sure Must Turn Atheists In The Wintertime.

Believe In Something For Another World, But Don't Be Too Set On What It Is, And Then You Won't Start Out That Life With A Disappontment. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose You Are Ahead.

When You Put Down The Good Things You Ought To Have Done, And Leave Out The Bad Ones You Did Do Well, That's Memoirs.

Always Drink Upstream From The Herd.

I Will Never Joke About Old Soldiers Who Try To Get To Reunions To Talk Over The War Again. To Talk Of Old Times With Old Friends Is The Greatest Thing In The World.

Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help Them Back To Bed Again.

Both Political Parties Have Their Good Times And Bad Times, Only They Have Them At Different Times.

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

Coolidge Is A Better Example Of Evolution Than Either Bryan Or Darrow, For He Knows When Not To Talk, Which Is The Biggest Asset The Monkey Possesses Over The Human.

A Man Only Learns By Two Things; One Is Reading And The Other Is Association With Smarter People.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

Farmers Spend More Time At Conventions Than They Do Plowing.

Be Thankful We're Not Getting All The Government We're Paying For.

No Nation Ever Had Two Better Friends That We Have. You Know Who They Are? The Atlantic And Pacific Oceans.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

Our Public Men Are Speaking Every Day On Something, But They Ain't Saying Anything.

Plans Get You Into Things, But You Got To Work Your Way Out.

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

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The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses.

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There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

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Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want Me.

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The Trouble With Our Praying Is, We Just Do It As A Means Of Last Resort.

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Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

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I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts.

The Us Is Safest When Congress Is In Recess.

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

Lettin' The Cat Outta The Bag Is A Whole Lot Easier 'n Puttin' It Back In.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

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There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

With Old Inflation Riding The Headlines, I Have Read Till I Am Bleary-eyed, And I Can't Get Head From Tails Of The Whole Thing. ... Now We Are Living In An Age Of Explanations-and Plenty Of 'em, Too-but No Two Things That's Been Done To Us Have Been Explained Twice The Same Way, By Even The Same Man. It's And Age Of In One Ear And Out The Other.

A Fanatic Is Always The Fellow That Is On The Opposite Side.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

It's The Fellow Who Knows When To Quit That The Audience Wants More Of.

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

When You Straddle A Thing It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

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Money And Women Are The Most Sought After And The Least Known About Of Any Two Things We Have.

This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

If Wall Street Paid A Tax On Every “game” They Run, We Would Get Enough Revenue To Run The Government On.

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Times Of Crisis

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There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

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Rail-splitting Produced An Immortal President In Lincoln, But Golf Hasn't Produced Even A Good Congressman.

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If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

People That Pay For Things Never Complain. It's The Guy You Give Something To That You Can't Please.

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Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Don't Raise Anything, Except What Fits Your Appetite. Then The Price Don't Worry You. Just Raise All You Can Eat And Let The Low Prices Go By.

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

That's The Trouble With Our Charities; We Are Always Saving Somebody Away Off, When The Fellow Next To Us Ain't Eating.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

There Are Two Theories To Arguing With A Woman. Neither Works.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

Be A Politician; No Training Necessary.

Golf Is Good For The Soul. You Get So Mad At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

You Know You've Got To Exercise Your Brain Just Like Your Muscles.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

It Looks Like The Financial Giants Of The World Have Bungled As Much As The Diplomats And Politicians. This Would Be A Great Time In The World For Some Man To Come Along That Knew Something.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

If All The Time Consumed In Attending Dinners And Luncheons Was Consumed In Some Work, The Production Of This Country Would Be Doubled

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

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