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We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

-Will Rogers

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We Never Will Have

Will Rogers

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We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

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The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

I Love Words But I Don't Like Strange Ones. You Don't Understand Them And They Don't Understand You. Old Words Is Like Old Friends, You Know 'em The Minute You See 'em.

The Government Says They Have Loaned Over One Billion Dollars To The Farmers. In Other Words, We Can't Help You Make Any Money, But We Will Show You Where You Can Owe Some More.

You Know Horses Are Smarter Than People. You Never Heard Of A Horse Going Broke Betting On People.

Everything Is Changing. People Are Taking Their Comedians Seriously And The Politicians As A Joke.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. My Folks Were Indian. Both My Mother And Father Had Cherokee Blood In Them. I Was Born And Raised In Indian Territory. 'course We're Not The Americans Whose Ancestors Came Over On The Mayflower, But We Met Them At The Boat When They Landed.

There Is Not A Man In The Country That Can't Make A Living For Himself And Family. But He Can't Make A Living For Them And His Government, Too, The Way His Government Is Living. What The Government Has Got To Do Is Live As Cheap As The People

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

Show Me A Healthy Community With A Healthy Economy And I Will Show You A Community That Has Its Green Infrastructure In Order And Understands The Relationship Between The Built And The Unbuilt Environment.

We Elect Our Presidents, Be They Republican Or Democrat, Then Start Daring 'em To Make Good.

The Self Persists Like A Dying Star, In Sleep, Afraid.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

Asking Europe To Disarm Is Like Asking A Man In Chicago To Give Up His Life Insurance.

Never Blame A Legislative Body For Not Doing Something. When They Do Nothing, That Don't Hurt Anybody. When They Do Something Is When They Become Dangerous.

I Don't Know What Humor Is.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help Them Back To Bed Again.

One Of These Days They Are Going To Remove So Much Of The 'hooey' And The Thousands Of Things The Schools Have Become Clogged Up With, And We Will Find That We Can Educate Our Broods For About One-tenth Of The Price And Learn 'em Something That They Might Accidentally Use After They Escape.

Farmers Have More Associations, And Bureaus, And Clubs, Than They Have Pitchforks.

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

You Got To Do More Than Just Live In The Country To Be A Farmer.

If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

In Europe Public Men Do Resign. But Here It's A Lost Art. You Have To Impeach 'em.

I'm Not A Real Movie Star. I've Still Got The Same Wife I Started Out With Twenty-eight Years Ago.

Strangers Are Just Friends I Haven't Met Yet.

Strangers And Friends

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

Plans Get You Into Things, But You Got To Work Your Way Out.

What Would We Say If The Chinese Sent A Gunboat With Their Marines Up The Mississippi River Claiming They Were Protecting Their Laundries In Memphis?

I Do Honestly Believe The Republicans Have Reformed And Want To Do Better. But Whether They Have Done It In Time To Win The Election Is Another Thing. The Old Voter Is Getting So He Wants To Be Saved Before October Every Election Year.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

You've Got To Go Out On A Limb Sometimes Because That's Where The Fruit Is.

This Thing About Getting Rid Of A Man In The Cabinet Is All Right, But There Is One Bad Feature To It That Few People Realize. That Is, That Unfortunately Every One Of Them Is Replaced By Someone Else. If It Wasn't For That, This Resignation Business Would Be Great.

A Company Is Known By The People It Keeps.

Wise Man Once Said

The Bankers Just Got A Good Cussing By Everybody For Loaning Too Much Money. Well, They Got Some Awful Nice Buildings. So When A Banker Fails, He Fails In Splendor.

Politicians Can Do More Funny Things Naturally Than I Can Think Of To Do Purposely

The Minute You Read Something And You Can't Understand It, You Can Be Sure It Was Written By A Lawyer. Then, If You Give It To Another Lawyer To Read And He Don't Know Just What It Means, Then You Can Be Sure It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer. If It's In A Few Words And Is Plain, And Understandable Only One Way, It Was Written By A Non-lawyer.

Successful Colleges Will Start Laying Plans For A New Stadium; Unsuccessful Ones Will Start Hunting A New Coach

A Country Can Get More Real Joy Out Of Just Hollering For Their Freedom Than They Can If They Get It.

It Ain't So Much What A Man Doesn't Know That Causes Him So Many Problems, But What He Knows That Ain't So.

Funny To Watch These Senators Switching Back And Forth On Prohibition. Politics Is A Great Character Builder. You Have To Take A Referendum To See What Your Convictions Are For That Day.

Politics Pretty Quiet Over The Week-end. Democrats Are Attacking And The Republicans Are Defending. All The Democrats Have To Do Is Promise "what They Would Do If They Got In." But The Republicans Have To Promise "what They Would Do" And Then Explain Why They Haven't Already "done It".

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

Politics Is Not Worrying This Country One-tenth As Much As Where To Find A Parking Space.

It's The Fellow Who Knows When To Quit That The Audience Wants More Of.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

I Argue With Wife Over What Little Pieces Of Real Estate Investments We Should Try To Pay On And Hold, And Which To Let Go Back. We Always Said, "put It In Land, And You Can Always Walk On It." We Did, But No Buyers Would Walk On It With Us.

Foreign Relations Is An Open Book-- Generally A Checkbook.

In Hollywood The Woods Are Full Of People That Learned To Write But Evidently Can't Read. If They Could Read Their Stuff, They'd Stop Writing.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

The Farmer Has To Be An Optimist Or He Wouldn't Still Be A Farmer.

Prohibition Is Better Than No Liquor At All.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

No Party Is As Bad As Its Leaders.

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

One Wants Recovery To Start From The Bottom, And The Other Wants It To Start From The Top. I Don't Know Which Is Right. I've Never Heard Of Anybody Suggesting That They Might Start It In The Middle, So I Hereby Make That Suggestion. To Start Recovery Halfway Between The Two, Because It's The Middle Class That Does Everything Anyhow. But I Don't Know Anything About It.

Coolidge Has The Best Idea On This Farm Relief. He Said, 'farmers, You Are In A Hole. I Can't Help You, But I Will Get In With You.' He Did. That Made It Fine So The Farmers Were Satisfied As Long As Coolidge Was Going To Get In With Them.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

When You Are Dissatisfied And Would Like To Go Back To Youth, Think Of Algebra.

Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

A Politician Is Just Like A Pickpocket; It's Almost Impossible To Get Him To Reform.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

Work To Make A Living; Serve To Make A Life.

Say Did You Read In The Papers About A Bunch Of Women Up In British Columbia As A Protest Against High Taxes, Sit Out In The Open Naked, And They Wouldent Put Their Clothes On? The Authorities Finally Turned A Sprayer That You Use On Trees, On 'em. That May Lead Into Quite A Thing. Woman Comes Into The Tax Office Nude, Saying I Won't Pay. Well They Can't Search Her And Get Anything. It Sounds Great. How Far Is It To British Columbia?

Real Estate Is The Best Investment In The World Because It Is The Only Thing They're Not Making Any More.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

This Session Of Congress Is Also To Relieve The Farmer Again, Relieve Him Of Any Encouragement That He Might Have Received During The Last One.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

You Know The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, You Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other. The One That's Out Always Looks The Best. My Only Solution Would Be To Keep Em Both Out One Term And Hire My Good Friend Henry Ford To Run The Whole Thing, And Give Him A Commission On What He Saves Us.

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

The Democrats Are Going To Change The Name Of The Hoover Dam. That Is The Silliest Thing I Ever Heard Of In Politics . . . Lord If They Feel That Way About It, I Don't See Why They Don't Just Reverse The Two Words.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

So Let's Be Honest With Ourselves And Not Take Ourselves Too Serious, And Never Condemn The Other Fellow For Doing What We Are Doing Every Day, Only In A Different Way.

Being Different

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. Opportunity Rarely Knocks On Your Door. Knock Rather On Opportunity's Door If You Ardently Wish To Enter.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

If We Could Just Go Back The Last Two Or Three Years And Do Our Buying A Little More Carefully, Why... We Would Be O.k.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

A Man Only Learns By Two Things; One Is Reading And The Other Is Association With Smarter People.

We Do More Talking Progress Than We Do Progressing.

Don't Just Grab At The First Thing That Comes Along. Know When To Refuse Something That Won't Get You Anywhere

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

If You Are Trying To Get Out Of The Hole, Stop Digging.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

This Country Has Gotten Where It Is In Spite Of Politics, Not By The Aid Of It. That We Have Carried As Much Political Bunk As We Have And Still Survived Shows We Are A Super Nation.

Don't Raise Anything, Except What Fits Your Appetite. Then The Price Don't Worry You. Just Raise All You Can Eat And Let The Low Prices Go By.

Get A Sales Tax, Small On Necessities And Large On Luxuries; Then A Stiff Inheritance Tax On The Fellow That Saves And Don't Spend. That Will Get Him Either Way. A Tax Paid On The Day You Buy Is Not As Tough As Asking You For It The Next Year When You Are Broke.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

Our Constitution Protects Aliens, Drunks And U.s. Senators.

The Problem Ain't What People Know. It's What People Know That Ain't So That's The Problem.

There Is Nothing Fairer Than Workmen Having Unions Of Their Mutual Benefit.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

Be A Politician; No Training Necessary.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

If You Don't Like The Weather In Oklahoma, Wait A Minute And It'll Change.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts.

There Is A Horse Here-the Furthest North Of Any Horse, And He Eats Fish And Travels On Snowshoes.

Being A Hero Is About The Shortest-lived Profession On Earth.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

The More Ignorant You Are, The Quicker You Fight.

Banking And After-dinner Speaking Are Two Of The Most Nonessential Industries We Have In This Country. I Am Ready To Reform, If They Are.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

It Is A Good Thing That We Do Not Get As Much Government As We Pay For.

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

If You Live Right, Death Is A Joke To You As Far As Fear Is Concerned.

The More That Learn To Read The Less Learn How To Make A Living. That's One Thing About A Little Education. It Spoils You For Actual Work. The More You Know The More You Think Somebody Owes You A Living.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

Politics Has Become So Expensive That It Takes A Lot Of Money Even To Be Defeated.

There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

It Rained In The Middle West. Farmers Are Learning That The Relief They Get From The Sky Beats What They Get From Washington.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

You Never Know How Much A Man Can't Remember Until He Is Called As A Witness.

About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

The Small Town Is Passing. It Was The Incubator That Hatched All Our Big Men, And That's Why We Haven't Got As Many Big Men Today As We Used To Have. Take Every Small-town-raised Leader Out Of Business And You Would Have Nobody Left Running It But Vice-presidents.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

Mothers Are The Only Race Of People That Speak The Same Tongue. A Mother In Manchuria Could Converse With A Mother In Nebraska And Never Miss A Word.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

You Should Never Try And Teach A Pig To Read For Two Reasons. First, It's Impossible; And Secondly, It Annoys The Hell Out Of The Pig!.

It's No Laughing Matter Being A Republican In These Perilous Times. Anyone Can Be A Republican When The Stock Market Is Up, But When Stocks Are Selling For No More Than They're Worth, I Tell You, Being A Republican - It's A Sacrifice.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

We Will Never Have True Civilization Until We Have Learned To Recognize The Rights Of Others.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

Bankers Are Likeable Rascals. Now That We Are All Wise To 'em, It's Been Shown That They Don't Know Any More About Finances Than The Rest Of Us Know About Our Businesses... Which Has Proved To Be Nothing.

Statistics Have Proven That The Surest Way To Get Anything Out Of The Public Mind And Never Hear Of It Again Is To Have A Senate Committee Appointed To Look Into It.

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

Ability Is All Right But If It Is Not Backed Up By Honesty And Public Confidence You Will Never Be A Successful Person. The Best A Man Can Do Is To Arrive At The Top In His Chosen Profession. I Have Always Maintained That One Profession Is Deserving Of As Much Honor As Another Provided It Is Honorable.

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

The Man Who Never Makes A Mistake Must Get Tired Of Doing Nothing.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

The Trouble With Democrats Is That They All Want To Run For President

Last Year We Said, 'things Can't Go On Like This', And They Didn't, They Got Worse.

Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages. There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste. Every Time We See A Bridegroom We Wonder Why She Ever Picked Him, And It's The Same With Public Officials.

I Don't Think Either One Of Them Knows What It's All About, To Be Honest With You. Both Sides Are Doing Nothing But Just Looking Towards The Next Election.

Let Advertisers Spend The Same Amount Of Money Improving Their Product That They Do On Advertising And They Wouldn't Have To Advertise It.

Advertisement Negative

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

Every Man Gets An Opportunity Once In A Lifetime.

When Everybody Has Got Money They Cut Taxes, And When They're Broke They Raise Them. That's Statesmanship Of The Highest Order.

Politicians Are Just A Bunch Of Local Bandits, Sent By Their Local Voters To Raid The Public Treasury.

Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages, There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

I Hope We Never Live To See The Day When A Thing Is As Bad As Some Of Our Newspapers Make It.

Newspapers Journalism

Here Is My Farm Relief Bill: Every Time A Southerner Plants Nothing On His Farm But Cotton Year After Year, And The Northerner Nothing But Wheat Or Corn, Why, Take A Hammer And Hit Him Twice Right Between The Eyes. You May Dent Your Hammer, But It Will Do More Real Good Than All The Bills You Can Pass In A Year.

Don't Squat With Your Spurs On.

There's A Simple Solution To Our Traffic Problems. We'll Have Business Build The Roads, And Government Build The Cars.

Senators Are A Never-ending Source Of Amusement, Amazement, And Discouragement.

Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose, You Are Ahead.

I Haven't Seen A Tractor Working All Day. The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses. Farmers All Look Worse, But They Feel Better.

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

More Words Ain't Good For Anything In The World Only To Bring On More Argument.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

No Man Can Be Condemned For Owning A Dog. As Long As He Has A Dog, He Has A Friend; And The Poorer He Gets, The Better Friend He Has.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

The Minute A Thing Is Long And Complicated, It Confuses. Whoever Wrote The Ten Commandments Made 'em Short. They May Not Always Be Kept, But They Are Understood.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

I See Where They Are Going To Be More Strict With These Robbers; When They Catch 'em From Now On, They're Going To Publish Their Names.

Why One Ad Is Worth More To A Paper Than 40 Editorials.

I Am Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party. I Am A Democrat.

The English Should Give Ireland Home Rule - And Reserve The Motion Picture Rights.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

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