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About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

-Will Rogers

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About All I Can

Will Rogers

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About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

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Pain Is Such An Uncomfortable Feeling That Even A Tiny Amount Of It Is Enough To Ruin Every Enjoyment.

Uncomfortable Feeling

One Of These Days They Are Going To Remove So Much Of The 'hooey' And The Thousands Of Things The Schools Have Become Clogged Up With, And We Will Find That We Can Educate Our Broods For About One-tenth Of The Price And Learn 'em Something That They Might Accidentally Use After They Escape.

Here Is My Farm Relief Bill: Every Time A Southerner Plants Nothing On His Farm But Cotton Year After Year, And The Northerner Nothing But Wheat Or Corn, Why, Take A Hammer And Hit Him Twice Right Between The Eyes. You May Dent Your Hammer, But It Will Do More Real Good Than All The Bills You Can Pass In A Year.

Millions And Millions Of People Don't Pay An Income Tax, Because They Don't Earn Enough To Pay On One, But You Pay A Land Tax Whether It Ever Did Or Ever Will Earn You A Penny. You Should Pay On Things That You Buy Outside Of Bare Necessities. I Think This Sales Tax Is The Best Tax We Have Had In Years.

There Is No Argument In The World That Carries The Hatred That A Relioious Belief Does. The More Learned A Man Is, The Less Consideration He Has For Another Man's Belief.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

The Whole Financial Structure Of Wall Street Seems To Rise Or Fall On The Mere Fact That The Federal Reserve Bank Raises Or Lowers The Amount Of Interest. Any Business That Can't Survive A One Percent Change Must Be Skating On Thin Ice. Why Even The Poor Farmer Took A Raise Of Another Ten Percent Just To Get A Loan From The Bank, And Nobody From The Government Paid Any Attention. But You Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help To Get Them Back Into Bed Again.

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

Those Tax-exempt Bonds Were Put In So That A Town Or A State Or A Government Could Sell More Bonds Than It Ought To.

We Are Here For Just A Spell, So Get A Few Laughs.

More Words Ain't Good For Anything In The World Only To Bring On More Argument.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait. Find Out Where The People Are Going And Buy The Land Before They Get There.

And If You Call One A Real Estate Agent And He Won't Sell You Anything. He Is A Realator. It's The Same As What The Old Fashioned Real Estate Agent Used To Be Only The Commission Is Different.

Texas Is A Great State. It's The 'old Man River' Of States. No Matter Who Runs It Or What Happens To It Politically, It Just Keeps Rolling Along!

In Hollywood The Woods Are Full Of People That Learned To Write But Evidently Can't Read. If They Could Read Their Stuff, They'd Stop Writing.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

The Democrats Are Going To Change The Name Of The Hoover Dam. That Is The Silliest Thing I Ever Heard Of In Politics . . . Lord If They Feel That Way About It, I Don't See Why They Don't Just Reverse The Two Words.

Every Time Somebody Has Thought Of Relief For The Farmer It Has Been To Make It So He Could Borrow More Money. What He Needs Is Some Way To Pay Back. Not Some Way To Borrow More.

The President Says, 'there Is Lots Of People Worse Off Than The Farmers.' I Don't Know Who It Could Be Unless It Is The Fellow Who Holds The Mortgages On The Farms.

If Any Of Us Had A Child That We Thought Was As Bad As We Know We Are, We Would Have Cause To Start To Worry.

They Call It The Latin Quarter Because Nobody There Is Latin And Nobody Has A Quarter.

I Never Met A Man I Didn't Get A Kind Of Strange And Exciting Tingling Sensation From.

If The Other Fellow Sells Cheaper Than You, It Is Called Dumping. 'course, If You Sell Cheaper Than Him, That's Mass Production.

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

Our Public Men Are Speaking Every Day On Something, But They Ain't Saying Anything.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Nothing Makes A Man, Or A Body Of Men, As Mad As The Truth. If There Is No Truth In It, They Laugh It Off.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

Money, Horse Racing And Women: Three Things The Boys Just Can't Figure Out.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages. There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste. Every Time We See A Bridegroom We Wonder Why She Ever Picked Him, And It's The Same With Public Officials.

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

One Thing I Will Say About The Germans, They Are Always Perfectly Willing To Give Somebody's Land To Somebody Else

Hundreds And Hundreds Of Beautiful Horses In The Parade And A Man Without A Silver Saddle Is A Vagrant.

Course, That's The Trouble With Politics, It Breeds Politics! So That Makes It Pretty Hard To Stamp Out.

There Wasn't Any More Truth In Over Half Of What Any So-called Orator Said. If It Wasn't A Deliberate Lie, Why It Was An Exaggerated Falsehood.

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

Americans Will Feed Anyone That's Not Close To Them.

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

When Everybody Has Got Money They Cut Taxes, And When They're Broke They Raise Them. That's Statesmanship Of The Highest Order.

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

Say, Did You Read What This Writer Just Dug Up In George Washington's Diary? I Was So Ashamed I Sat Up All Night Reading It.

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

He [calvin Coolidge] Is The First President To Discover That What The American People Want Is To Be Left Alone.

In The Middle West Now You Got To Put A Brand On Your Soil, Then In The Spring Go On A Round-up Looking For It.

Under Capitalism Man Exploits Man; Under Socialism The Reverse Is True.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

I Don't Know How A Lot Of These Nations Existed As Long As They Have Till We Could Get Some Of Our People Around And Show 'em How To Be Good And Pure Like Us.

Lord, The Money We Do Spend On Government And It's Not One Bit Better Than The Government We Got For One-third The Money Twenty Years Ago.

Fanatical Religion Driven To A Certain Point Is Almost As Bad As None At All, But Not Quite.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want Me.

The Lord So Constituted Everybody That No Matter What Color You Are You Require The Same Amount Of Nourishment.

Conferences Are Just Like The Poor And The Democrats, They Will Always Be With Us.

A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

We May Elevate Ourselves But We Should Never Reach So High That We Would Every Forget Those Who Helped Us Get There.

Wish All The Farmers Would Move To Town One Year, That's The Only Way I Know To Clear The Thing Up.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

Ten Men In Our Country Could Buy The Whole World And Ten Million Can't Buy Enough To Eat.

I Originated A Remark Many Years Ago That I Think Has Been Copied More Than Any Little Thing That I've Ever Said, And I Used It In The Follies Of 1922. I Said America Has A Unique Record. We Never Lost A War And We Never Won A Conference In Our Lives. I Believe That We Could Without Any Degree Of Egotism, Single-handed Lick Any Nation In The World. But We Can't Confer With Costa Rica And Come Home With Our Shirts On.

The Us Is Safest When Congress Is In Recess.

A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

You've Got To Go Out On A Limb Sometimes Because That's Where The Fruit Is.

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

Every Time We Have An Election, We Get In Worse Men And The Country Keeps Right On Going. Times Have Proven Only One Thing And That Is You Can't Ruin This Country Even With Politics.

You Politicians Have Got To Look Further Ahead; You Always Got A Putter In Your Hands, When You Ought To Have A Driver.

Everybody Is Ignorant, Only On Different Subjects.

If Wall Street Paid A Tax On Every “game” They Run, We Would Get Enough Revenue To Run The Government On.

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

Believe In Something For Another World, But Don't Be Too Set On What It Is, And Then You Won't Start Out That Life With A Disappontment. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose You Are Ahead.

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

America Is Becoming So Educated That Ignorance Will Be A Novelty. I Will Belong To A Select Few.

Never Miss A Chance To Shut Up

A Vision, Without A Plan, Is Just A Hallucination.

You Know, A Communist's Whole Life Work Is Based On Complaint Of How Everything Is Done.... So If They Ever Get Their Country Running Good They Will Defeat Their Own Cause.

Samuel Gompers Has Spent His Life Trying To Keep Labor From Working Too Hard And Has Succeeded Beyond His Wildest Dreams.

The Time To Save Is Now. When A Dog Gets A Bone, He Doesn't Go Out And Make A Down Payment On A Bigger Bone. He Buries The One He's Got.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

I Never Met A Man That I Didn't Like.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

Americans Are Getting Like A Ford Car, They All Have The Same Exact Parts, The Same Upholstering And Make Exactly The Same Noises.

A Difference Of Opinion Is What Makes Horse Racing And Missionaries.

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

If We Could Just Go Back The Last Two Or Three Years And Do Our Buying A Little More Carefully, Why... We Would Be O.k.

America Is A Nation That Conceives Many Odd Inventions For Getting Somewhere But It Can Think Of Nothing To Do Once It Gets There.

Democrats Always Were A Cheap Lot. They Never Had Much Money To Operate On.... They Would Rather Make A Speech Than A Dollar. They Cultivate Their Voice Instead Of Their Finances.

It Is Awful Hard To Get People Interested In Corruption Unless They Can Get Some Of It.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

A Successful Outcome Shows What Hard Work, Perseverance And Taking Advantage Of Your Opportunities Will Do For You.

It's One Of The Most Progressive Cities In The World. Shooting Is Only A Sideline.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

Of Course Nothing Is Ever Done About A [presidential] Commission Report, Except, They Say, Once A Man At The State Prison For The Criminally Insane Actually Read One Once Clear Through. Then He Did Something About It. He Made A Bonfire That Lasted A Week.

A Debt Is Just As Hard For A Government To Pay As It Is For An Individual. No Debt Ever Comes Due At A Good Time. Borrowing Is The Only Thing That Seems Handy All The Time.

In Time Of Crisis People Want To Know That You Care, More Than They Care What You Know

Times Of Crisis

If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

Heroing Is One Of The Shortest-lived Professions There Is.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

The Trip Across Arizona Is Just One Oasis After Another. You Can Just Throw Anything Out And It Will Grow There, I Like Arizona.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

Does College Pay? They Do If You Are A Good Open-field Runner.

Technocracy Wants To Do Everything By Machinery. Machinery Is Doing Just Fine. If It Can't Kill You, It Will Put You Out Of Work.

If You Feel The Urge, Don't Be Afraid To Go On A Wild Goose Chase. What Do You Think Wild Geese Are For Anyway?

We Fed 'em Xmas And New Years; Now All The Poor Have To Do Is Just Fill The Few Meals Until Next Xmas

Eventually You Will Reach A Point When You Stop Lying About Your Age And Start Bragging About It.

The Farmers Can Be Thankful. Didn't The Farm Board Decide In Washington Last Week That They Could Have Cheaper Interest? All The Farmers Have To Do Now Is To Find Something New To Put Up As Security.

A President Just Can't Make Much Showing Against Congress. They Lay Awake Nights, Thinking Up Things To Be Against The President On.

It Looks To Me Like Any Man That Wants To Be President In Times Like These Lacks Something.

Times Like These

It Is Not The Return On My Investment That I Am Concerned About; It's The Return Of My Investment

The Problem Ain't What People Know. It's What People Know That Ain't So That's The Problem.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

Some Say, What Is The Salvation Of The Movies? I Say, Run 'em Backwards. It Can't Hurt 'em And It's Worth A Trial.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

Every Day You Meet A Delegation Going To Some Convention To Try And Change The Way Of Somebody Else's Life.

If We Have Senators And Congressmen There That Can't Protect Themselves Against The Evil Temptations Of Lobbyists, We Don't Need To Change Our Lobbies, We Need To Change Our Representatives.

George Washington Was Quite A Farmer. He Was A Farmer, Civil Engineer And Gentleman. He Made Enough At Civil Engineering To Indulge In Both The Other Luxuries.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

There's Only One Thing That Can Kill The Movies, And That's Education.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

I Will Never Joke About Old Soldiers Who Try To Get To Reunions To Talk Over The War Again. To Talk Of Old Times With Old Friends Is The Greatest Thing In The World.

It's The Greatest Game I Ever Saw. You Can't Lose. Everybody Buys To Sell And Nobody Buys To Keep. What's Worrying Me Is Who Is Going To Be The Last Owner. It's Just Like An Auction; The Only One Stuck Is The Last One.

That's The Trouble With Our Charities; We Are Always Saving Somebody Away Off, When The Fellow Next To Us Ain't Eating.

Everything Is Funny As Long As It Is Happening To Somebody Else, But When It Happens To You, Why It Seems To Lose Some Of Its Humor, And If It Keeps On Happening, Why The Entire Laughter Kinder Fades Out Of It.

Say, This New Home Building Idea Of President Hoover's Sounds Good. They Are Working Out A Lot Of Beneficial Things. The Only Thing Is It Took 'em So Long To Think Of Any Of 'em. We Ought To Have Plans In Case Of Depression, Just Like We Do In Case Of Fire, 'walk, Don't Run, To The Nearest Exit.'

Don't Gamble; Take All Your Savings And Buy Some Good Stock And Hold It Till It Goes Up, Then Sell It. If It Don't Go Up, Don't Buy It.

Andrew Jackson Was The First One To Think Up The Idea To Promise Everybody That If They Will Vote For You, You Will Give Them An Office When You Get It, And The More Times They Vote For You, The Bigger The Office.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

Sometimes People Deserve A High Five, In The Face, With A Chair.

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

Prosperity This Winter Is Going To Be Enjoyed By Everybody That Is Fortunate Enough To Get Into The Poor Farm.

If Your Time Is Worth Anything, Travel By Air. If Not, You Might Just As Well Walk.

There Are Men Running Governments Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play With Matches.

Lord, Let Me Live Until I Die.

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

A Man Only Learns By Two Things; One Is Reading And The Other Is Association With Smarter People.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

The Way To Make Money In The Stock Market Is To Buy A Stock. Then, When It Goes Up, Sell It. If It's Not Going To Go Up, Don't Buy It!

We Are Sure Living In A Peculiar Time. You Get Morefor Not Working Than You Will For Working, And Morefor Not Raising A Hog Than For Raising It.

Nobody Wants His Cause Near As Bad As He Wants To Talk About His Cause.

If You Want To Know How A Man Stands, Go Among The People Who Are In His Same Business.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

When You Figure It Right Down, None Of Us Are In A Really Essential Business But The Farmer, And He Raises So Much That Even His Business Is Partly Non-essential.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke It's A Law, And Every Time They Make A Law It's A Joke.

The More That Learn To Read The Less Learn How To Make A Living. That's One Thing About A Little Education. It Spoils You For Actual Work. The More You Know The More You Think Somebody Owes You A Living.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. Opportunity Rarely Knocks On Your Door. Knock Rather On Opportunity's Door If You Ardently Wish To Enter.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

You Can Take Any Line Of Business And Skill And The Ones Who Do It The Best Are The Ones Who Get The Most Money For It.

A Country Can Get More Real Joy Out Of Just Hollering For Their Freedom Than They Can If They Get It.

The American People Are A Very Generous People And Will Forgive Almost Any Weakness, With The Possible, Exception Of Stupidity.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

Syntax Must Be Bad, Having Sin And Tax In It.

I Don't Know What Humor Is.

Banking And After-dinner Speaking Are Two Of The Most Nonessential Industries We Have In This Country. I Am Ready To Reform, If They Are.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Congressional Record. They Have Had Some Awful Funny Articles In There Lately. As Our Government Deteriorates, Our Humor Increases.

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

The Only Difference Between Death And Taxes Is That Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Local Conservation Programs Can Help Our Communities Shape Thoughtful Growth.

Successful Colleges Will Start Laying Plans For A New Stadium; Unsuccessful Ones Will Start Hunting A New Coach

The Money Was All Appropriated For The Top In The Hopes That It Would Trickle Down To The Needy. Mr. Hoover Didn’t Know That Money Trickled Up. Give It To The People At The Bottom And The People At The Top Will Have It Before Night, Anyhow. But It Will At Least Have Passed Through The Poor Fellow’s Hands.

It Ain't So Much What A Man Doesn't Know That Causes Him So Many Problems, But What He Knows That Ain't So.

Take The Diplomacy Out Of War And The Thing Would Fall Flat In A Week.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

There's No Way In The World You're Going To Make A Political Party Respectable Unless You Keep It Out Of Office.

The English Should Give Ireland Home Rule - And Reserve The Motion Picture Rights.

If You Let Women Have Their Way, You Will Generally Get Even With Them In The End.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

Statistics Have Proven That The Surest Way To Get Anything Out Of The Public Mind And Never Hear Of It Again Is To Have A Senate Committee Appointed To Look Into It.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging.

Finding Yourself

Digging Ditches

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

Wine Had Such Ill Effects On Noah's Health That It Was All He Could Do To Live 950 Years. Show Me A Total Abstainer That Ever Lived That Long.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

What The Country Needs Is Dirtier Fingernails And Cleaner Minds.

I Make A Living Off (politicians), So I Can't Knock 'em. Every Time We Elect Some Fellow We Think He's Terrible And Then When We Get Another One In He's Worse. So, I Am Always In Favor Of Keeping The One We've Got And Let The Other Go.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

The Whole Trouble With The Republicans Is Their Fear Of An Increase In Income Tax, Especially On Higher Incomes. They Speak Of It Almost Like A National Calamity. I Really Believe If It Come To A Vote Whether To Go To War With England, France And Germany Combined, Or Raise The Rate On Incomes Of Over $100,000, They Would Vote War.

We Are All Ignorant. We Are Just Ignorant About Different Things.

These Dust Storms.... Poor Farmer Spent A Lifetime Fixin' His Farm And Everything, Goes Out And Looks Down At It, And It's Up Above Him.

You've Never In Your Life Seen A Picture, I Bet Any One Of You, Never Seen A Picture Of One Of These Old Pilgrims Praying When They Didn't Have A Gun Right By The Side Of Them. That Was To See That He Got What He Was Praying For.

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