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A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

-Will Rogers

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A Senator Got Up

Will Rogers

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A Senator Got Up Today In Congress And Called His Fellow Senators Sons Of Wild Jackasses. Now, If You Think The Senators Were Hot, Imagine How The Jackasses Must Feel.

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You Must Never Tell A Thing. You Must Illustrate It. We Learn Through The Eye And Not The Noggin.

Through The Eyes

You Shake A Slogan At An American And It's Just Like Showing A Hungry Dog A Bone.

Many A Politician Wishes There Was A Law To Burn Old Records.

With Old Inflation Riding The Headlines, I Have Read Till I Am Bleary-eyed, And I Can't Get Head From Tails Of The Whole Thing. ... Now We Are Living In An Age Of Explanations-and Plenty Of 'em, Too-but No Two Things That's Been Done To Us Have Been Explained Twice The Same Way, By Even The Same Man. It's And Age Of In One Ear And Out The Other.

You Know, A Communist's Whole Life Work Is Based On Complaint Of How Everything Is Done.... So If They Ever Get Their Country Running Good They Will Defeat Their Own Cause.

It Costs Ten Times More To Govern Us Than It Used To, And We Are Not Governed One-tenth As Good.

We Are The Only Nation In The World That Waits Till We Get Into A War Before We Start Getting Ready For It.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

I Argue With Wife Over What Little Pieces Of Real Estate Investments We Should Try To Pay On And Hold, And Which To Let Go Back. We Always Said, "put It In Land, And You Can Always Walk On It." We Did, But No Buyers Would Walk On It With Us.

I'll Bet You The Time Ain't Far Off When A Woman Won't Know Any More Than A Man.

Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want Me.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

There Is Two Things That Can Disrupt Business In This Country. One Is War, And The Other Is A Meeting Of The Federal Reserve Bank.

I Never Met A Man I Didn't Get A Kind Of Strange And Exciting Tingling Sensation From.

And Kid Congress And The Senate, Dont Scold Em. They Are Just Children Thats Never Grown Up. They Dont Like To Be Corrected In Company. Dont Send Messages To Em, Send Candy.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

Congress Is Deadlocked And Can’t Act.

Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

The Minute You Read Something And You Can't Understand It, You Can Be Sure It Was Written By A Lawyer. Then, If You Give It To Another Lawyer To Read And He Don't Know Just What It Means, Then You Can Be Sure It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer. If It's In A Few Words And Is Plain, And Understandable Only One Way, It Was Written By A Non-lawyer.

Mothers Are The Only Race Of People That Speak The Same Tongue. A Mother In Manchuria Could Converse With A Mother In Nebraska And Never Miss A Word.

I Have Often Said In Answer To Inquiries As To How I Got Away With Kidding Some Of Our Public Men, That It Was Because I Liked All Of Them Personally, And That If There Was No Malice In Your Heart There Could Be None In Your "gags", And I Have Always Said I Never Met A Man I Dident Like.

America Is A Land Of Opportunity And Don't Ever Forget It.

Worrying Is Like Paying On A Debt That May Never Come Due.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

It Ain't So Much What A Man Doesn't Know That Causes Him So Many Problems, But What He Knows That Ain't So.

I Never Expected To See The Day When Girls Would Get Sunburned In The Places They Now Do.

If You Want To Be Successful, Love What You Are Doing.

The Man That Found The 726-carat Diamond In Africa, Received $350,000 For It And Wants To Buy A Farm And Silk Hat. Well, I Can Understand A Man Perhaps Being Eccentric Enough To Want To Own A Silk Hat.

Civilization Has Taught Us To Eat With A Fork, But Even Now If Nobody Is Around We Use Our Fingers.

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

The Way To Make Money In The Stock Market Is To Buy A Stock. Then, When It Goes Up, Sell It. If It's Not Going To Go Up, Don't Buy It!

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

The United States Never Lost A War Or Won A Conference.

Ability Is All Right But If It Is Not Backed Up By Honesty And Public Confidence You Will Never Be A Successful Person. The Best A Man Can Do Is To Arrive At The Top In His Chosen Profession. I Have Always Maintained That One Profession Is Deserving Of As Much Honor As Another Provided It Is Honorable.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

If We Could Just Go Back The Last Two Or Three Years And Do Our Buying A Little More Carefully, Why... We Would Be O.k.

We Americans Think We Are Pretty Good! We Want To Build A House, We Cut Down Some Trees. We Want To Build A Fire, We Dig A Little Coal. But When We Run Out Of All These Things, Then We Will Find Out Just How Good We Really Are.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

Lord, Let Me Live Until I Die.

All One Has To Do To Get One's Stuff In The Congressional Record Is To Find A Stenographer That Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Take It Down. Then You Mark In The 'applause' And 'laughter' Parts Yourself.

America Has The Best Politicians Money Can Buy.

I Know Things Are Going To Get Better In Spite Of Both Sides. Then When Things Do Get Better, Then You'll Hear The Yell That Will Go Up. The Democrats Will Swear That Recovery Was Due To Them. Now The Republicans, They'll Say It Was Due To Them. Nobody Wanted To Claim The Credit For The Country Blowing Up, But Wait Until It Starts Picking Up And They'll Both Be On It Then. See?

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

The High Income Tax Come Pretty Near Passing In The Senate. Only Lacked About Six Votes. So It Won't Be Long Now. Well, There Is Millions And Millions That Are Not Making It, That Would Be Glad To Give Up 99 Per Cent If You Would Let 'em Earn A Hundred Thousand Or More.

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

My Father Was One-eighth Cherokee Indian And My Mother Was Quarter-blood Cherokee. I Never Got Far Enough In Arithmetic To Figure Out How Much Injun That Made Me, But There's Nothing Of Which I Am More Proud Than My Cherokee Blood.

Well, Another Senator Rose And Said {as They Always Do} 'does The Gentleman Yield?' They Always Say That - Least They Call Each Other 'gentleman' In There. But The Tone They Put On The Word, It Would Sound More Appropriate If They Came Right Out And Said 'would The Coyote From Maine Yield?' 'cause That's About The Way It Sounds. Well, Then, The Other Senator Says 'i Yield' (for If He Don't The Other Guy'll Keep On Talking Anyhow). So The Coyote From Maine Says 'i Yield To...the Polecat From Oregon!'

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

She Was So Ugly She Could Make A Mule Back Away From An Oat Bin.

One Way To Solve The Traffic Problem Is To Keep All The Cars That Are Not Paid For Off The Streets.

There Is One Thing About Englishmen, They Won't Fix Anything Till It's Just About Totally Ruined. You Couldn't Get The English To Fix Anything At The Start. No! They Like To Sit And Watch It Grow Worse. Then, When It Just Looks Like The Whole Thing Has Gone Up Salt Creek, Why, The English Jump In And Rescue It.

You Never Know How Much A Man Can't Remember Until He Is Called As A Witness.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

The Sales Tax Is The Best And Most Equitable Tax. The Gasoline Tax, Which Is Nothing But A Sales Tax, Has Proven Painless, Productive And Punitive. Everything We Buy Should Have Its Equal Proportion Of Tax, Outside Of Cheap Food And Cheap Clothes.

Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

The Small Town Is Passing. It Was The Incubator That Hatched All Our Big Men, And That's Why We Haven't Got As Many Big Men Today As We Used To Have. Take Every Small-town-raised Leader Out Of Business And You Would Have Nobody Left Running It But Vice-presidents.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

People Love High Ideals, But They Got To Be About 33-percent Plausible

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

Sure Must Be A Great Consolation To The Poor People Who Lost Their Stock In The Late Crash To Know That It Has Fallen In The Hands Of Mr. Rockefeller, Who Will Take Care Of It And See That It Has A Good Home And Never Be Allowed To Wander Around Unprotected Again. There Is One Rule That Works In Every Calamity. Be It Pestilence, War Or Famine, The Rich Get Richer And The Poor Get Poorer. The Poor Even Help Arrange It.

Everyone Wants To Vote For The Best And Most Qualified Man, But He Never Runs For Office.

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

You Must Judge A Man's Greatness By How Much He Will Be Missed.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

It Would Drive A Person Crazy To Dope Out Really What Does Divide The Two Parties. Prosperity Don't Divide The Two Parties, For Under Either Administration The Poor Get Poorer And The Rich Get Richer.

The Problem In America Isn't So Much What People Don't Know; The Problem Is What People Think They Know That Just Ain't So.

In The Early Days Of The Indian Territory, There Were No Such Things As Birth Certificates. You Being There Was Certificate Enough.

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. My Folks Were Indian. Both My Mother And Father Had Cherokee Blood In Them. I Was Born And Raised In Indian Territory. 'course We're Not The Americans Whose Ancestors Came Over On The Mayflower, But We Met Them At The Boat When They Landed.

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

When The Okies Left Oklahoma And Moved To California, They Raised The Average Intelligence Level In Both States.

A Difference Of Opinion Is What Makes Horse Racing And Missionaries.

It's A Good Thing We Don't Get All The Government We Pay For.

I Never Took A Human Life, I Only Sold The Fellow The Gun To Take It With.

The Best Way Out Of A Difficulty Is Through It.

The Business Of Government Is To Keep The Government Out Of Business - That Is, Unless Business Needs Government Aid.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

It's One Of The Most Progressive Cities In The World. Shooting Is Only A Sideline.

The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

Believe In Something For Another World, But Don't Be Too Set On What It Is, And Then You Won't Start Out That Life With A Disappontment. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose You Are Ahead.

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

Farmers Have More Associations, And Bureaus, And Clubs, Than They Have Pitchforks.

No Man Is Great If He Thinks He Is.

Common Sense Is Not An Issue In Politics--it's An Affliction.

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

There Is Not A Man In The Country That Can't Make A Living For Himself And Family. But He Can't Make A Living For Them And His Government, Too, The Way His Government Is Living. What The Government Has Got To Do Is Live As Cheap As The People

You Know The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, You Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other. The One That's Out Always Looks The Best. My Only Solution Would Be To Keep Em Both Out One Term And Hire My Good Friend Henry Ford To Run The Whole Thing, And Give Him A Commission On What He Saves Us.

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

It's Getting So If A Man Wants To Stand Well Socially, He Can't Afford To Be Seen With Either The Democrats Or The Republicans.

Politics Pretty Quiet Over The Week-end. Democrats Are Attacking And The Republicans Are Defending. All The Democrats Have To Do Is Promise "what They Would Do If They Got In." But The Republicans Have To Promise "what They Would Do" And Then Explain Why They Haven't Already "done It".

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

If We Have Senators And Congressmen There That Can't Protect Themselves Against The Evil Temptations Of Lobbyists, We Don't Need To Change Our Lobbies, We Need To Change Our Representatives.

I Will Never Joke About Old Soldiers Who Try To Get To Reunions To Talk Over The War Again. To Talk Of Old Times With Old Friends Is The Greatest Thing In The World.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

Now I Am Not Unpatriotic, And I Want To Do My Bit, So I Hereby Offer My Services To My President, My Country And My Friends To Do Anything, Outside Of Serving On A Commission, That I Can In This Great Movement. But You Will Have To Give Me Some Idea Of Where "confidence" Is. And Just Who You Want It Restored To.

I Do Honestly Believe The Republicans Have Reformed And Want To Do Better. But Whether They Have Done It In Time To Win The Election Is Another Thing. The Old Voter Is Getting So He Wants To Be Saved Before October Every Election Year.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

The Problem Ain't What People Know. It's What People Know That Ain't So That's The Problem.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

Some Guy Invented Vitamin A Out Of A Carrot. I'll Bet He Can't Invent A Good Meal Out Of One.

Things Will Get Better - Despite Our Efforts To Improve Them.

Things Will Get Better

When Ignorance Gets Started It Knows No Bounds.

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

Spinnin' A Rope Is Fun If Your Neck Ain't In It

If You Have A Radio, The Next Three Months Is A Good Time To Have It Quit Working. All You Will Hear From Now Until The 4th Of November Will Be: 'we Must Get Our Government Out Of The Hands Of Predatory Wealth.' 'the Good People Of This Great Country Are Burdened To Death With Taxes. Now What I Intend To Do Is ...' What He Intends To Do Is Try And Get Elected. That's All Any Of Them Intend To Do. Another One That Will Hum Over The Old Static Every Night Will Be: 'this Country Has Reached A Crisis In Its National Existence.'

The American People Are A Very Generous People And Will Forgive Almost Any Weakness, With The Possible, Exception Of Stupidity.

I Bet After Seeing Us, George Washington Would Sue Us For Calling Him 'father.'

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

I Don't Think You Can Make A Lawyer Honest By An Act Of Legislature. You've Got To Work On His Conscience. And His Lack Of Conscience Is What Makes Him A Lawyer.

I Am Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party. I Am A Democrat.

Parades Should Be Classed As A Nuisance And Participants Should Be Subject To A Term In Prison. They Stop More Work, Inconvenience More People, Stop More Traffic, Cause More Accidents, Entail More Expense, And Commit And Cause I Don't Remember The Other Hundred Misdemeanors.

The Government Says They Have Loaned Over One Billion Dollars To The Farmers. In Other Words, We Can't Help You Make Any Money, But We Will Show You Where You Can Owe Some More.

I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

I Can Remember Way Back When A Liberal Was One Who Was Generous With His Money.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

I Have A Scheme For Stopping War. It's This - No Nation Is Allowed To Enter A War Till They Have Paid For The Last One.

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Too Much Of Today.

I Don't Think Either One Of Them Knows What It's All About, To Be Honest With You. Both Sides Are Doing Nothing But Just Looking Towards The Next Election.

I Belong To No Organized Political Body. I Am A Democrat.

Do The Best You Can, And Don't Take Life Too Serious.

This Would Be A Great World To Dance In If We Didn’t Have To Pay The Fiddler.

They Have Passed The Big Inheritance Tax, And That Gets You When You Are Gone. You Used To Could Die And Be Able To Beat Taxes, But Not Now. The Undertaker Don't Go Over Your Body As Carefully As The Assessor Does Your Accumilated Assets, And He Gets His Before The Undertaker. They Have It On These Big Fortunes Now Where They Pay As High As 60 To 70 Percent Of What They Leave. That's Mighty Expensive Dying When It Runs Into Money Like That, And You Won't See 'em Dropping Off As Casually As They Have Been.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

In A Real Estate Man's Eye, The Most Expensive Part Of The City Is Where He Has A House To Sell

You Know, Women Always Could Endure More Than Men. Not Only Physically, But Mentally - Did You Ever Get A Peek At Some Of The Husbands?

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

If Your Time Is Worth Anything, Travel By Air. If Not, You Might Just As Well Walk.

Ignorance Lies Not In The Things You Don't Know, But In The Things You Know That Ain't So.

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

Conferences Are Just Like The Poor And The Democrats, They Will Always Be With Us.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

Does College Pay? They Do If You Are A Good Open-field Runner.

A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

Everyone Is A Self-made Man. Only The Successful Admit It.

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

I Bet Any Sunday Could Be Made As Popular At Church As Easter Is If You Made 'em Fashion Shows Too. The Audience Is So Busy Looking At Each Other That The Preacher Just As Well Recite Gunga Din.

Don't Raise Anything, Except What Fits Your Appetite. Then The Price Don't Worry You. Just Raise All You Can Eat And Let The Low Prices Go By.

I Represent What Is Left Of A Vanishing Race, And That Is The Pedestrian. That I Am Still Able To Be Here, I Owe To A Keen Eye And A Nimble Pair Of Legs. But I Know They'll Get Me Someday.

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

Don't Gamble; Take All Your Savings And Buy Some Good Stock And Hold It Till It Goes Up, Then Sell It. If It Don't Go Up, Don't Buy It.

If Any Of Us Had A Child That We Thought Was As Bad As We Know We Are, We Would Have Cause To Start To Worry.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

Farmers Spend More Time At Conventions Than They Do Plowing.

If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Then Why Can't It Get Us Out?

A Holding Company Is The People You Give Your Money To While You're Being Searched.

Don't Be Misled By History, Or Any Other Unreliable Source.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

You Could Be The World's Greatest Orator And If You Don't Say Anything While Orating, They Are Going To Walk Out On You After A While.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

Every Man Is Ignorant - Just On Different Subjects.

It Looks To Me Like Any Man That Wants To Be President In Times Like These Lacks Something.

Times Like These

You've Got To Go Out On A Limb Sometimes Because That's Where The Fruit Is.

Land Taxes Is The Thing. They Got So High That There Is No Chance To Make Anything. Not Only Land But All Property Tax. You See In The Old Days, Why The Only Thing They Knew How To Tax Was Land, Or A House. Well, That Condition Went Along For Quite Awhile, So Even Today The Whole Country Tries To Run Its Revenue On Taxes On Land. They Never Ask If The Land Makes Anything. "it's Land Ain't It? Well Tax It Then."

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

Never Slap A Man Who's Chewing Tobacco.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

A Debt Is Just As Hard For A Government To Pay As It Is For An Individual. No Debt Ever Comes Due At A Good Time. Borrowing Is The Only Thing That Seems Handy All The Time.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

The Trip Across Arizona Is Just One Oasis After Another. You Can Just Throw Anything Out And It Will Grow There, I Like Arizona.

The Best Thing About This Group Of Candidates Is That Only One Of Them Can Win.

A Successful Outcome Shows What Hard Work, Perseverance And Taking Advantage Of Your Opportunities Will Do For You.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

There Is Something About Riding Down The Street On A Prancing Horse That Makes You Feel Like Something, Even When You Ain't A Thing.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

George Washington Was Quite A Farmer. He Was A Farmer, Civil Engineer And Gentleman. He Made Enough At Civil Engineering To Indulge In Both The Other Luxuries.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

It Is Not The Return On My Investment That I Am Concerned About; It's The Return Of My Investment

The 1928 Republican Convention Opened With A Prayer. If The Lord Can See His Way Clear To Bless The Republican Party The Way It's Been Carrying On, Then The Rest Of Us Ought To Get It Without Even Asking.

What's Considered Enough Money? Just A Little Bit More.

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