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The High Income Tax Come Pretty Near Passing In The Senate. Only Lacked About Six Votes. So It Won't Be Long Now. Well, There Is Millions And Millions That Are Not Making It, That Would Be Glad To Give Up 99 Per Cent If You Would Let 'em Earn A Hundred Thousand Or More.

-Will Rogers

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The High Income Tax

Will Rogers

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The High Income Tax Come Pretty Near Passing In The Senate. Only Lacked About Six Votes. So It Won't Be Long Now. Well, There Is Millions And Millions That Are Not Making It, That Would Be Glad To Give Up 99 Per Cent If You Would Let 'em Earn A Hundred Thousand Or More.

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Nobody Wants To Be Called Common People, Especially Common People.

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.

Good Judgment Comes From Experience, And A Lot Of That Comes From Bad Judgment.

A Company Is Known By The People It Keeps.

Wise Man Once Said

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

In Politics Practically Everything You Hear Is Scandal, And Besides, The Funny Thing Is That The Things They Are Whispering Ain't Half Has Bad As The Things They Have Been Saying Right Out Loud.

But We Can't Alibi All Our Ills By Just Knocking The Old Banker. First He Loaned The Money, Then The People All At Once Wanted It Back, And He Didn't Have It. Now He's Got It Again, And Is Afraid To Loan It, So The Poor Devil Don't Know What To Do.

The Republicans Have A Habit Of Having Three Bad Years And One Good One, And The Good One Always Happens To Be Election Years.

Common Sense Is Not An Issue In Politics--it's An Affliction.

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

Texas Is A Great State. It's The 'old Man River' Of States. No Matter Who Runs It Or What Happens To It Politically, It Just Keeps Rolling Along!

You Can't Legitimately Kick On Income Tax, For It's On What You Have Made. You Have Already Made It. But, Look At Land, Farms, Homes, Stores, Vacant Lots. You Pay Year After Year On Them Whether You Make It Or Not.

America Is A Great Country, But You Can't Live In It For Nothing.

Congress Is Deadlocked And Can’t Act.

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

Our Constitution Protects Aliens, Drunks And U.s. Senators.

I Make A Living Off (politicians), So I Can't Knock 'em. Every Time We Elect Some Fellow We Think He's Terrible And Then When We Get Another One In He's Worse. So, I Am Always In Favor Of Keeping The One We've Got And Let The Other Go.

Harvard Students Have Completed More English Courses And Less Forward Passes Than Any School In This Generation.

This Generation

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

A Republican Moves Slowly. They Are What We Call Conservatives. A Conservative Is A Man Who Has Plenty Of Money And Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Always Have Plenty Of Money. A Democrat Is A Fellow Who Never Had Any, But Doesn't See Any Reason Why He Shouldn't Have Some.

I Tell You Folks, All Politics Is Applesauce.

I Love Words But I Don't Like Strange Ones. You Don't Understand Them And They Don't Understand You. Old Words Is Like Old Friends, You Know 'em The Minute You See 'em.

There Is Two Things That Can Disrupt Business In This Country. One Is War, And The Other Is A Meeting Of The Federal Reserve Bank.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

Be Thankful We're Not Getting All The Government We're Paying For.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Congressional Record. They Have Had Some Awful Funny Articles In There Lately. As Our Government Deteriorates, Our Humor Increases.

Democrats Never Agree On Anything, That's Why They're Democrats. If They Agreed With Each Other, They Would Be Republicans.

There Is Two Types Of Larceny, Petty And Grand. They Are Supposed To Be The Same In The Eyes Of The Law, But Judges Always Put A Little Extra On You For Petty, Which Is Kind Of A Fine For Stupidness.

A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

When You Are Dissatisfied And Would Like To Go Back To Youth, Think Of Algebra.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

The Supreme Court Is Divided Almost In Half On The Decisions. Talk About An International Court. How Would We Ever Agree With A Lot Of Foreigners When We Can't Even Agree Among Our Own Judges?

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

That's One Thing About Republican Presidents. They Never Went In Much For Plans. They Only Had One Plan. It Says "boys, My Head Is Turned. Just Get It While You Can.

This Stuff They Are Talking Here In Congress Costs The People Of The United States $44 A Page. That's Beside What It Costs To Ship It To The Asylums Where It's Read.

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

I Never Took A Human Life, I Only Sold The Fellow The Gun To Take It With.

If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

And, When The Votes Are Counted, Let Everybody, Including The Candidates, Get Into A Good Humor As Quick As They Got Into A Bad One.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

Local Conservation Programs Can Help Our Communities Shape Thoughtful Growth.

No Party Is As Bad As Its Leaders.

I See A Good Deal Of Talk From Washington About Lowering Taxes-i Hope They Do Get 'em Lowered Enough So People Can Afford To Pay 'em

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

Now I Am Not Unpatriotic, And I Want To Do My Bit, So I Hereby Offer My Services To My President, My Country And My Friends To Do Anything, Outside Of Serving On A Commission, That I Can In This Great Movement. But You Will Have To Give Me Some Idea Of Where "confidence" Is. And Just Who You Want It Restored To.

When You Straddle A Thing It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

We Know Lots Of Things We Didn't Use To Know But We Don't Know Any Way To Prevent 'em From Happening.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

If This Depression Stays With Us, The Loser Tuesday Is Going To Be The Winner.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

The Old Horse Is Coming Back In A High Lope. Thousands Of People Are Riding A Horse Today That Five Years Ago Couldn't Sit In A Ford With All The Doors Locked.

The Good People Of Dakota Offered To Give Calvin Coolidge A Farm If He Would Live On It. I Wouldn't Advise You To Give Those People Too Much Credit For Generosity. There Is Not A Farmer In Any State In The West That Wouldn't Be Glad To Give Him A Farm If He Will Paint It, Fix Up The Fences And Keep Up The Series Of Mortgages That Are On It. And If You Think Coolidge Ain't Smart, You Just Watch Him Not Take It.

Polo, Racing And Horse Shows All Are Doing Great Work To Help The Farmer And Rancher To Raise Better Horses.

Farmers And Ranchers

I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch The Government And Report The Facts. I'm Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party, I'm A Democrat! If We Ever Pass Out As A Great Nation We Ought To Put On Our Tombstone 'america Died From A Delusion That She Had Moral Leadership.'

The Only Real Diplomacy Ever Performed By A Diplomat Is In Deceiving Their Own People After Their Dumbness Has Got Them Into A War.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

Cities Are Like Gentlemen, They Are Born, Not Made. You Are Either A City, Or You Are Not, Size Has Nothing To Do With It. I Bet San Francisco Was A City From The Very First Time It Had A Dozen Settlers. New York Is "yokel", But San Francisco Is "city At Heart".

George Bernard Shaw Of England Stopped Over Just Long Enough To Make One Speech In Bombay, India, Started A War And 100 Indians Killed Each Other. That's What I Call Good Speech-making. The Only Enthusiasm Any Of Our Speakers Can Rouse Is A Demand To Kill The Speaker.

When You Have Helped To Raise The Standard Of Cooking, You Have Helped To Raise The Only Thing In The World That Really Matters. We Only Have One Or Two Wars In A Lifetime, But We Have Three Meals A Day -- There's Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating.

We Have The Best Congress That Money Can Buy.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

With All Our Crime And All Our Immorality ... And About As Much Contentment And Respose As A Fresh-caged Hyena, We Go To Tell The Whole World: We Are The Only One With The Right Idea!

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

America Is Becoming So Educated That Ignorance Will Be A Novelty. I Will Belong To A Select Few.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

Ten Men In Our Country Could Buy The Whole World And Ten Million Can't Buy Enough To Eat.

You Should Never Try And Teach A Pig To Read For Two Reasons. First, It's Impossible; And Secondly, It Annoys The Hell Out Of The Pig!.

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

I Guess There Is No Two Races Of People In Worse Repute With Everybody Than The International Bankers, And The Folks That Put All Those Pins In New Shirts.

I Know Worrying Works, Because None Of The Stuff I Worried About Ever Happened.

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

Why Don't Somebody Print The Truth About Our Present Economic Situation? We Spent Six Years Of Wild Buying On Credit - Everything Under The Sun, Whether We Needed It Or Not - And Now We Are Having To Pay For 'em, And We Are Howling Like A Pet Coon.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

I Am Proud Of The Fact There Is Not A Human Being That I Have Got It In For. I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like.

When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Elected.

Diplomacy Is The Art Of Saying 'nice Doggie' Until You Can Find A Rock.

Golf Is Good For The Soul. You Get So Mad At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

About All I Can Say For The United States Senate Is That It Opens With A Prayer And Closes With An Investigation.

Noah Must Have Taken Into The Ark Two Taxes, One Male And One Female. And Did They Multiply Bountifully! Next To Guinea Pigs, Taxes Must Have Been The Most Prolific Animals

Ancient Rome Declined Because It Had A Senate, Now What's Going To Happen To Us With Both A House And A Senate?

Don't Gamble; Take All Your Savings And Buy Some Good Stock And Hold It Till It Goes Up, Then Sell It. If It Don't Go Up, Don't Buy It.

Worrying Is Like Paying On A Debt That May Never Come Due.

Golf Is A Wonderful Exercise. You Can Stand On Your Feet For Hours, Watching Somebody Else Putt.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

Mothers Are The Only Race Of People That Speak The Same Tongue. A Mother In Manchuria Could Converse With A Mother In Nebraska And Never Miss A Word.

We Live In An Age Of 'urge'. We Do Nothing Till Somebody Shoves Us.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Too Much Of Today.

A Debt Is Just As Hard For A Government To Pay As It Is For An Individual. No Debt Ever Comes Due At A Good Time. Borrowing Is The Only Thing That Seems Handy All The Time.

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There. Opportunity Rarely Knocks On Your Door. Knock Rather On Opportunity's Door If You Ardently Wish To Enter.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

Strangers Are Just Friends I Haven't Met Yet.

Strangers And Friends

Out Here I Had Been Putting What Little Money I Had In Ocean Frontage, For The Sole Reason That There Was Only So Much Of It And No More, And That They Wasent Making Any More.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

Baseball Is A Skilled Game. It's America's Game - It, And High Taxes.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

If There Are No Dogs In Heaven, Then When I Die I Want To Go Where They Went.

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

Politics Are Receiving A Lot Of Attention Because We Have Nothing Else To Interest Us. No Nation In The History Of The World Was Ever Sitting As Pretty. If We Want Anything, All We Have To Do Is Go And Buy It On Credit. So That Leaves Us Without Any Economic Problem Whatever, Except Perhaps Some Day To Have To Pay For Them. But We Are Certainly Not Thinking About That This Early.

It Isn't What We Don't Know That Gives Us Trouble, It's What We Know That Ain't So.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

Wall Street Is Being Investigated, But They Are Not Asleep While It's Being Done. You See Where The Senate Took That Tax Off The Sales Of Stocks, Didn't You? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, Why Don't Somebody Investigate The Senate And See Who Got To Them To Get That Tax Removed? That Would Be A Real Investigation.

No Nation Ever Had Two Better Friends That We Have. You Know Who They Are? The Atlantic And Pacific Oceans.

It Looks To Me Like The Candidates Are Trying To Relieve The Farmer Of His Vote, Instead Of His Debts.

There Is Nothing Fairer Than Workmen Having Unions Of Their Mutual Benefit.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

I Read About Eight Newspapers In A Day. When I'm In A Town With Only One Newspaper, I Read It Eight Times.

The Business Of Government Is To Keep The Government Out Of Business - That Is, Unless Business Needs Government Aid.

Nothing Makes A Man Broad-minded Like Adversity.

Just Read The Farm Relief Bill. It's Just A Political Version Of Einstein's Last Theory. If A Farmer Could Understand It, He Certainly Would Know More Than To Farm. He Would Be A Professor At Harvard.

A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

Invest In Inflation. It Is The Only Thing Going Up.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

There Have Been Three Great Inventions Since The Beginning Of Time: Fire, The Wheel, And Central Banking.

There's Only One Thing That Can Kill The Movies, And That's Education.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

Americans Will Feed Anyone That's Not Close To Them.

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

An Onion Can Make People Cry But There's Never Been A Vegetable That Can Make People Laugh.

I Haven't Seen A Tractor Working All Day. The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses. Farmers All Look Worse, But They Feel Better.

Statistics Have Proven That The Surest Way To Get Anything Out Of The Public Mind And Never Hear Of It Again Is To Have A Senate Committee Appointed To Look Into It.

Many A Politician Wishes There Was A Law To Burn Old Records.

The More That Learn To Read The Less Learn How To Make A Living. That's One Thing About A Little Education. It Spoils You For Actual Work. The More You Know The More You Think Somebody Owes You A Living.

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

Now If There Is One Thing That We Do Worse Than Any Other Nation, It Is Try And Manage Somebody Else's Affairs.

They Are Each Good When They Are Out, And Each Bad When They Are In.

How Is The Government Going To Get The Extra Taxes? Out Of The Rich, Or Just Out Of The Poor, As Usual?

A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

If All Politicians Fished Instead Of Spoke Publicly, We Would Be At Peace With The World.

We Are Sure Living In A Peculiar Time. You Get Morefor Not Working Than You Will For Working, And Morefor Not Raising A Hog Than For Raising It.

The Whole Trouble With The Republicans Is Their Fear Of An Increase In Income Tax, Especially On Higher Incomes. They Speak Of It Almost Like A National Calamity. I Really Believe If It Come To A Vote Whether To Go To War With England, France And Germany Combined, Or Raise The Rate On Incomes Of Over $100,000, They Would Vote War.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

You Could Transfer Congress Over To Run Standard Oil Or General Motors, And They Would Have Both Things Bankrupt In Two Years.

My Father Was One-eighth Cherokee Indian And My Mother Was Quarter-blood Cherokee. I Never Got Far Enough In Arithmetic To Figure Out How Much Injun That Made Me, But There's Nothing Of Which I Am More Proud Than My Cherokee Blood.

Nothing You Can't Spell Will Ever Work.

The 1928 Republican Convention Opened With A Prayer. If The Lord Can See His Way Clear To Bless The Republican Party The Way It's Been Carrying On, Then The Rest Of Us Ought To Get It Without Even Asking.

It's A Good Thing We Don't Get All The Government We Pay For.

If I Studied All My Life, I Couldn't Think Up Half The Number Of Funny Things Passed In One Session Of Congress.

There Is A Terrible Lot Of Us Who Don't Think That We Come From A Monkey, But If There Are Some People Who Think That They Do, Why, It's Not Our Business To Rob Them Of What Little Pleasure They Might Get Out Of Imagining It.

Just Been Talking Today Out Here To All The Senators Investigating These Stock Swindles And Overcapitalizations. There Has Been Hundreds Of Millions Lost. There Ought To Be Some Form Of Guardianship For People That Buy All This Junk. Education Won't Do It. The Buyers Are The Ones We Have Educated Up Till They Are Just Smart Enough To Fall For Everything That Comes Along.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

The Difference Between A Republican And A Democrat Is That The Democrat Is A Cannibal, They Live Off Each Other, While The Republicans Live Off The Democrats.

The Republicans Have Their Splits Right After Election And Democrats Have Theirs Just Before An Election.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

Borrowing Money On What's Called 'easy Terms,' Is A One-way Ticket To The Poor House. If You Think It Ain't A Sucker Game, Why Is Your Banker The Richest Man In Your Town? Why Is Your Bank The Biggest And Finest Building In Your Town? Instead Of Passing Bills To Make Borrowing Easy, If Congress Had Passed A Bill That No Person Could Borrow A Cent Of Money From Any Other Person, They Would Have Gone Down In History As Committing The Greatest Bit Of Legislation In The World.

When Should A College Athlete Turn Pro? Not Until He Has Earned All He Can In College As An Amateur.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

I'm Not Against (bull Fighting). Some Nations Like To See Blood, And Some Like To See Their Victims Suffer From Speculation... They Kill The Bull Very Quick. Wall Street Lets You Live And Suffer.

Bankers Are Likeable Rascals. Now That We Are All Wise To 'em, It's Been Shown That They Don't Know Any More About Finances Than The Rest Of Us Know About Our Businesses... Which Has Proved To Be Nothing.

I Know Things Are Going To Get Better In Spite Of Both Sides. Then When Things Do Get Better, Then You'll Hear The Yell That Will Go Up. The Democrats Will Swear That Recovery Was Due To Them. Now The Republicans, They'll Say It Was Due To Them. Nobody Wanted To Claim The Credit For The Country Blowing Up, But Wait Until It Starts Picking Up And They'll Both Be On It Then. See?

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

Banking And After-dinner Speaking Are Two Of The Most Nonessential Industries We Have In This Country. I Am Ready To Reform, If They Are.

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

It Costs Ten Times More To Govern Us Than It Used To, And We Are Not Governed One-tenth As Good.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

It's The Greatest Game I Ever Saw. You Can't Lose. Everybody Buys To Sell And Nobody Buys To Keep. What's Worrying Me Is Who Is Going To Be The Last Owner. It's Just Like An Auction; The Only One Stuck Is The Last One.

There Ain't Nothing That Breaks Up Homes, Country And Nations Like Somebody Publishing Their Memoirs

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

Horses Raise What The Farmer Eats And Eats What The Farmer Raises. You Can't Plow The Ground And Get Gasoline.

I Would Never Make A Good Economist. You Know, An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You Anything About — Well, He Will Tell You What Can Happen Under Any Given Condition — And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's, Too.

Know What You're Doing, Love What You're Doing, And Believe In What You're Doing.

There's No Way In The World You're Going To Make A Political Party Respectable Unless You Keep It Out Of Office.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

There Are Men Running Governments Who Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play With Matches.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

A Man That Don’t Love A Horse, There Is Something The Matter With Him.

Fanatical Religion Driven To A Certain Point Is Almost As Bad As None At All, But Not Quite.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

Sometimes People Deserve A High Five, In The Face, With A Chair.

You've Got To Be (an) Optimist To Be A Democrat, And You've Got To Be A Humorist To Stay One

I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

There Is Something About A Republican That You Can Only Stand Him Just So Long; And On The Other Hand, There Is Something About A Democrat That You Can't Stand Him Quite That Long.

You Politicians Have Got To Look Further Ahead; You Always Got A Putter In Your Hands, When You Ought To Have A Driver.

The Short Memories Of The American Voters Is What Keeps Our Politicians In Office.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

A Woman Can Make A Man Feel Older Or Younger Than His Years If She So Chooses. Being A Woman Is A Terribly Difficult Task Since It Consists Principally In Dealing With Men. Women Were Made With A Sense Of Humor So They Could Love Men Instead Of Laughing At Them.

A Holding Company Is A Thing Where You Hand An Accomplice The Goods While The Policeman Searches You.

Everybody Is Ignorant, Only On Different Subjects.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. There Could Be Only A Quarter Or A Third As Many Congressmen Or Senators, And We Would Pick Better Ones Then. But It's The System That We Have Always Used, And There Is No Use Getting All Overcome With Perspiration Over It. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

A Man Who Dies Without Adequate Life Insurance Should Have To Come Back And See The Mess He Created.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

There Wasn't Any More Truth In Over Half Of What Any So-called Orator Said. If It Wasn't A Deliberate Lie, Why It Was An Exaggerated Falsehood.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

If You Have A Radio, The Next Three Months Is A Good Time To Have It Quit Working. All You Will Hear From Now Until The 4th Of November Will Be: 'we Must Get Our Government Out Of The Hands Of Predatory Wealth.' 'the Good People Of This Great Country Are Burdened To Death With Taxes. Now What I Intend To Do Is ...' What He Intends To Do Is Try And Get Elected. That's All Any Of Them Intend To Do. Another One That Will Hum Over The Old Static Every Night Will Be: 'this Country Has Reached A Crisis In Its National Existence.'

Farmers Spend More Time At Conventions Than They Do Plowing.

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