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A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

-Will Rogers

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A Lot Of Guys

Will Rogers

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A Lot Of Guys Have Had A Lot Of Fun Joking About Henry Ford Because He Admitted One Time That He Didn't Know History. He Don't Know It, But History Will Know Him. He Has Made More History Than His Critics Ever Read.

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When I Make A Joke, Nobody Gets Injured... When Congress Makes A Joke, It's The Law.

That's The Trouble With Our Charities; We Are Always Saving Somebody Away Off, When The Fellow Next To Us Ain't Eating.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

Wall Street Is Being Investigated, But They Are Not Asleep While It's Being Done. You See Where The Senate Took That Tax Off The Sales Of Stocks, Didn't You? Saved 'em $48,000,000. Now, Why Don't Somebody Investigate The Senate And See Who Got To Them To Get That Tax Removed? That Would Be A Real Investigation.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

Labor Leaders Don't Do Much Laboring After They Are Able To Lead.

I Wonder If It Isn't Just Cowardice Instead Of Generosity That Makes Us Give Tips.

I'm Not A Member Of An Organized Party. I'm A Democrat.

I Traveled A Good Deal All Over The World, And I Got Along Pretty Good In All These Foreign Countries, For I Have A Theory That It's Their Country And They Got A Right To Run It Like They Want To.

I Read About Eight Newspapers In A Day. When I'm In A Town With Only One Newspaper, I Read It Eight Times.

We Are Always Yapping About The 'good Old Days' And How We Look Back And Enjoy It, But I Tell You There Is A Lot Of Hooey To It. There Is A Whole Lot Of All Our Past Lives That Wasn't So Hot.

I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage.

Funny Relationship

The Man Who Never Makes A Mistake Must Get Tired Of Doing Nothing.

The Best Way To Make A Fire With Two Sticks Is To Make Sure One Of Them Is A Match.

Lettin' The Cat Outta The Bag Is A Whole Lot Easier 'n Puttin' It Back In.

With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke It's A Law, And Every Time They Make A Law It's A Joke.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

There Wasn't Any Republicans In Washington's Day. No Republicans, No Boll Weevil, No Income Tax, No Cover Charge, No Disarmament Conference, No Luncheon Clubs, No Stop Lights, No Static, No Head Winds. My Lord, Living In Those Days, Who Wouldn't Be Great?

Your Mothers Get Mighty Shocked At You Girls Nowadays, But In Her Day, Her Mother Was Just On The Verge Of Sending Her To Reform School.

If You Get To Thinking You're A Person Of Some Influence, Try Ordering Somebody Else's Dog Around.

You Have A Wonderful Organization. I Understand You Have Ten Thousand Here. And If You Count The Ones In The Various Federal Prisons, It Brings Your Total Membership Up To Around Thirty Thousand.

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

More Words Ain't Good For Anything In The World Only To Bring On More Argument.

There Is One Guaranteed Formula For Failure, And That Is To Try To Please Everyone.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

If You Ever Injected Truth Into Politics You Would Have No Politics.

If We Got One-tenth Of What Was Promised To Us In These Acceptance Speeches There Wouldn't Be Any Inducement To Go To Heaven.

Keeping Promises

People Are Marvelous In Their Generosity, If They Just Know The Cause Is There.

Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

There Is No More Interesting Place In The World To Meet Characters Than A Movie Set.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

The Minute You Read Something That You Can't Understand, You Can Almost Be Sure That It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer.

You Know You Are Getting Old When Everything Either Dries Up Or Leaks.

The Only Time People Dislike Gossip Is When You Gossip About Them.

There Is One Thing About Englishmen, They Won't Fix Anything Till It's Just About Totally Ruined. You Couldn't Get The English To Fix Anything At The Start. No! They Like To Sit And Watch It Grow Worse. Then, When It Just Looks Like The Whole Thing Has Gone Up Salt Creek, Why, The English Jump In And Rescue It.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

A Stranger Is Just A Friend I Haven't Met Yet.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

Real Estate Is The Best Investment In The World Because It Is The Only Thing They're Not Making Any More.

They Call It The Latin Quarter Because Nobody There Is Latin And Nobody Has A Quarter.

Broad-minded Is Just Another Way Of Saying A Fellow Is Too Lazy To Form An Opinion.

You Know You've Got To Exercise Your Brain Just Like Your Muscles.

Hundreds And Hundreds Of Beautiful Horses In The Parade And A Man Without A Silver Saddle Is A Vagrant.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

I Have Always Noticed That People Will Never Laugh At Anything That Is Not Based On Truth.

Labor Day, I Suppose Set By An Act Of Congress. Everything We Do Nowadays Is Either By, Or Against, Acts Of Congress. How Congress Knew Anything About Labor Is Beyond Us.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

Conferences Are Just Like The Poor And The Democrats, They Will Always Be With Us.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

A Democrat Is Just Like A Baby. If It's Hollering And Making A Lot Of Noise, There Is Nothing Serious The Matter With It. When It's Quiet And Doesn't Pay Much Attention To Anything, That's When It's Really Dangerous.

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

I See Where We Are Starting To Pay Some Attention To Our Neighbors To The South. We Could Never Understand Why Mexico Wasn't Just Crazy About Us, For We Have Always Had Their Good Will, And Oil And Minerals, At Heart

If We Could Just Go Back The Last Two Or Three Years And Do Our Buying A Little More Carefully, Why... We Would Be O.k.

Harvard Students Have Completed More English Courses And Less Forward Passes Than Any School In This Generation.

This Generation

Even If You're On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

America Already Holds The Record For Freak Movements. Now We Have A New One. It's Called "restoring Confidence." Rich Men Who Never Had A Mission In Life Outside Of Watching A Stock Ticker Are Working Day And Night "restoring Confidence." Writers Are Working Night Shifts, Speakers' Tables Are Littered Up, Ministers Are Preaching Statistics, All On "restoring Confidence."

Ohio Claims They Are Due A President As They Haven't Had One Since Taft. Look At The United States, They Have Not Had One Since Lincoln.

Will Somebody Please Tell Me What They Do With All The Vice-presidents A Bank Has? Why The United States Is The Biggest Business Institution In The World, And They Got Only One Vice-president And Nobody Has Ever Found Anything For Him To Do.

I Guess Truth Can Hurt You Worse In An Election Than About Anything That Can Happen To You.

If You Live Right, Death Is A Joke To You As Far As Fear Is Concerned.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

If You Don't Like The Weather In Oklahoma, Wait A Minute And It'll Change.

Things Will Get Better - Despite Our Efforts To Improve Them.

Things Will Get Better

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

I Am Not A Member Of Any Organized Political Party. I Am A Democrat.

It Rained In The Middle West. Farmers Are Learning That The Relief They Get From The Sky Beats What They Get From Washington.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

There Is Not A Man In The Country That Can't Make A Living For Himself And Family. But He Can't Make A Living For Them And His Government, Too, The Way His Government Is Living. What The Government Has Got To Do Is Live As Cheap As The People

Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

Everything Worthwhile Is A Good Idea, But Did You Ever Notice There Is More Bad Ideas That Will Work Than There Is Good Ones?

I Bet After Seeing Us, George Washington Would Sue Us For Calling Him 'father.'

You Can't Fool All Of The People All Of The Time. But It Isn't Necessary.

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

When Ignorance Gets Started It Knows No Bounds.

Strangers Are Just Friends I Haven't Met Yet.

Strangers And Friends

If You Want To Know How A Man Stands, Go Among The People Who Are In His Same Business.

One-third Of The People In The United States Promote, While The Other Two-thirds Provide.

Invest In Inflation. It Is The Only Thing Going Up.

Politics Is Not Worrying This Country One-tenth As Much As Where To Find A Parking Space.

Wine Had Such Ill Effects On Noah's Health That It Was All He Could Do To Live 950 Years. Show Me A Total Abstainer That Ever Lived That Long.

There Is Nothing So Stupid As The Educated Man If You Get Him Off The Thing He Was Educated In.

The Good People Of Dakota Offered To Give Calvin Coolidge A Farm If He Would Live On It. I Wouldn't Advise You To Give Those People Too Much Credit For Generosity. There Is Not A Farmer In Any State In The West That Wouldn't Be Glad To Give Him A Farm If He Will Paint It, Fix Up The Fences And Keep Up The Series Of Mortgages That Are On It. And If You Think Coolidge Ain't Smart, You Just Watch Him Not Take It.

Whoever Said A Horse Was Dumb, Was Dumb

A Man That Don’t Love A Horse, There Is Something The Matter With Him.

One Wants Recovery To Start From The Bottom, And The Other Wants It To Start From The Top. I Don't Know Which Is Right. I've Never Heard Of Anybody Suggesting That They Might Start It In The Middle, So I Hereby Make That Suggestion. To Start Recovery Halfway Between The Two, Because It's The Middle Class That Does Everything Anyhow. But I Don't Know Anything About It.

Farmers Spend More Time At Conventions Than They Do Plowing.

When You Figure It Right Down, None Of Us Are In A Really Essential Business But The Farmer, And He Raises So Much That Even His Business Is Partly Non-essential.

We Do More Talking Progress Than We Do Progressing.

There Is Nothing In The World That We Do As Much As We Do Eating

Government Spending? I Don't Know What It's All About. I Don't Know Any More About This Thing Than An Economist Does, And, God Knows, He Doesn't Know Much.

The Trouble With Land Is That They're Not Making It Anymore.

The Us Is Safest When Congress Is In Recess.

The South Is Dry And Will Vote Dry. That Is, Everybody That Is Sober Enough To Stagger To The Polls Will.

The Supreme Court Is Divided Almost In Half On The Decisions. Talk About An International Court. How Would We Ever Agree With A Lot Of Foreigners When We Can't Even Agree Among Our Own Judges?

We Will Never Have True Civilization Until We Have Learned To Recognize The Rights Of Others.

The Government Sent The Indians To Oklahoma. They Had A Treaty That Said, 'you Shall Have This Land As Long As Grass Grows And Water Flows.' It Was Not Only A Good Rhyme But Looked Like A Good Treaty, And It Was Till They Struck Oil. Then The Government Took It Away From Us Again. They Said The Treaty Only Refers To 'water And Grass; It Don't Say Anything About Oil.'

Half Our Life Is Spent Trying To Find Something To Do With The Time We Have Rushed Through Life Trying To Save.

If Any Of Us Had A Child That We Thought Was As Bad As We Know We Are, We Would Have Cause To Start To Worry.

There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

There Are Three Types Of Men In The World. One Type Learns From Books. One Type Learns From Observations. And One Type Just Has To Urinate On The Electric Fence Himself.

I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

The Bankers Just Got A Good Cussing By Everybody For Loaning Too Much Money. Well, They Got Some Awful Nice Buildings. So When A Banker Fails, He Fails In Splendor.

There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

And If You Call One A Real Estate Agent And He Won't Sell You Anything. He Is A Realator. It's The Same As What The Old Fashioned Real Estate Agent Used To Be Only The Commission Is Different.

Americans Are Getting Like A Ford Car, They All Have The Same Exact Parts, The Same Upholstering And Make Exactly The Same Noises.

It Isn't What We Don't Know That Gives Us Trouble, It's What We Know That Ain't So.

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

Originality Will Be Rewarded In Any Line.

Women Are Not The Weak, Frail Little Flowers That They Are Advertised. There Has Never Been Anything Invented Yet, Including War, That A Man Would Enter Into, That A Woman Wouldn't, Too.

And The Thing About My Jokes Is, They Don't Hurt Anybody. You Can Take 'em Or Leave 'em - You Can Say They're Funny Or They're Terrible Or They're Good, Or Whatever, But You Can Just Pass 'em By. But With Congress, Every Time They Make A Joke, It's A Law! And Every Time They Make A Law, It's A Joke!

Congress Is Going To Start Tinkering With The Ten Commandments Just As Soon As They Find Someone In Washington Who Has Read Them.

Ten Commandments

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

Everything Is Changing. People Are Taking Their Comedians Seriously And The Politicians As A Joke.

If You Want To Be Successful, It's Just This Simple. Know What You Are Doing. Love What You Are Doing. And Believe In What You Are Doing.

I Would Rather Be The Man Who Bought The Brooklyn Bridge Than The Man Who Sold It.

Brooklyn Bridge

You Must Judge A Man's Greatness By How Much He Will Be Missed.

You Could Be The World's Greatest Orator And If You Don't Say Anything While Orating, They Are Going To Walk Out On You After A While.

The Income Tax Has Made Liars Out Of More Americans Than Golf.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

We Are All Ignorant. We Are Just Ignorant About Different Things.

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

My Own Mother Died When I Was 10 Years Old. My Folks Have Told Me That What Little Humor I Have Comes From Her. I Can't Remember Her Humor, But I Can Remember Her Love And Understanding Of Me.

You Could Transfer Congress Over To Run Standard Oil Or General Motors, And They Would Have Both Things Bankrupt In Two Years.

Never Miss A Chance To Shut Up

You Have To Have A Serious Streak In You, Or You Can't See The Funny Side Of The Other Fellow.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

So The Question Rises: How Much Liberty Can You Get Away With? Well, You Get No More Liberty Than You Give!

Does College Pay? They Do If You Are A Good Open-field Runner.

We Always Want The Best Man To Win An Election. Unfortunately, He Never Runs.

There Ought To Be One Day - Just One - When There Is Open Season On Senators.

It's Almost Worth The Great Depression To Learn How Little Our Big Men Know.

Great Depression

If All The Time Consumed In Attending Dinners And Luncheons Was Consumed In Some Work, The Production Of This Country Would Be Doubled

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

Prohibition Is Better Than No Liquor At All.

A President Just Can't Make Much Showing Against Congress. They Lay Awake Nights, Thinking Up Things To Be Against The President On.

Know What You're Doing, Love What You're Doing, And Believe In What You're Doing.

The Taxpayers Are Sending Congressmen On Expensive Trips Abroad. It Might Be Worth It Except They Keep Coming Back

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Things In Our Country Run In Spite Of Government, Not By Aid Of It.

If You Have A Radio, The Next Three Months Is A Good Time To Have It Quit Working. All You Will Hear From Now Until The 4th Of November Will Be: 'we Must Get Our Government Out Of The Hands Of Predatory Wealth.' 'the Good People Of This Great Country Are Burdened To Death With Taxes. Now What I Intend To Do Is ...' What He Intends To Do Is Try And Get Elected. That's All Any Of Them Intend To Do. Another One That Will Hum Over The Old Static Every Night Will Be: 'this Country Has Reached A Crisis In Its National Existence.'

Every Land Or Property Owner In America Would Be Tickled To Death To Pay 45 Per Cent Of His Profits, If He Didn't Have To Pay Anything If He Didn't Make It.

We Have Killed More People Celebrating Our Independence Day Than We Lost Fighting For It.

When You Get Into Trouble 5,000 Miles From Home, You've Got To Have Been Looking For It.

Instead Of Giving Money To Found Colleges To Promote Learning, Why Don't They Pass A Constitutional Amendment Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything? If It Works As Good As The Prohibition One Did, Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

The Sales Tax Is The Best And Most Equitable Tax. The Gasoline Tax, Which Is Nothing But A Sales Tax, Has Proven Painless, Productive And Punitive. Everything We Buy Should Have Its Equal Proportion Of Tax, Outside Of Cheap Food And Cheap Clothes.

I Am Always Going To Do My Best, No Matter Where I Am.

I Bet Any Sunday Could Be Made As Popular At Church As Easter Is If You Made 'em Fashion Shows Too. The Audience Is So Busy Looking At Each Other That The Preacher Just As Well Recite Gunga Din.

A Fanatic Is Always The Fellow That Is On The Opposite Side.

I Can Remember Way Back When A Liberal Was One Who Was Generous With His Money.

There Is No Argument In The World That Carries The Hatred That A Relioious Belief Does. The More Learned A Man Is, The Less Consideration He Has For Another Man's Belief.

A Country Can Get More Real Joy Out Of Just Hollering For Their Freedom Than They Can If They Get It.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

Congress Knew Coolidge Would Veto The Farm Bill. There Was More Politics Than Relief In That Bill.

With Old Inflation Riding The Headlines, I Have Read Till I Am Bleary-eyed, And I Can't Get Head From Tails Of The Whole Thing. ... Now We Are Living In An Age Of Explanations-and Plenty Of 'em, Too-but No Two Things That's Been Done To Us Have Been Explained Twice The Same Way, By Even The Same Man. It's And Age Of In One Ear And Out The Other.

George Washington Was Quite A Farmer. He Was A Farmer, Civil Engineer And Gentleman. He Made Enough At Civil Engineering To Indulge In Both The Other Luxuries.

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

In Hollywood The Woods Are Full Of People That Learned To Write But Evidently Can't Read. If They Could Read Their Stuff, They'd Stop Writing.

There Is No Credit To Being A Comedian, When You Have The Whole Government Working For You. All You Have To Do Is Report The Facts. I Dont Even Have To Exaggerate.

I Guess There Is Nothing That Will Get Your Mind Off Everything Like Golf. I Have Never Been Depressed Enough To Take Up The Game, But They Say You Get So Sore At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

Let Advertisers Spend The Same Amount Of Money Improving Their Product That They Do On Advertising And They Wouldn't Have To Advertise It.

Advertisement Negative

We Don't Give Our Criminals Much Punishment, But We Sure Give 'em Plenty Of Publicity.

The Country Has Gone Sane And Got Back To Horses.

In All Your Life, You Will Never Find A Method More Effective In Getting Through To Another Person Than To Make That Person Feel Important.

This Country Has Come To Feel The Same When Congress Is In Session As When The Baby Gets Hold Of A Hammer.

Samuel Gompers Has Spent His Life Trying To Keep Labor From Working Too Hard And Has Succeeded Beyond His Wildest Dreams.

There Will Never Be A Time When The Old Horse Is Not Superior To Any Auto Ever Made.

There Is Two Things That Can Disrupt Business In This Country. One Is War, And The Other Is A Meeting Of The Federal Reserve Bank.

Our Whole Depression Was Brought On By Gambling, Not In The Stock Market Alone But In Expanding And Borrowing And Going In Debt... All Just To Make Some Easy Money Quick.

Great Depression

One Of These Days They Are Going To Remove So Much Of The 'hooey' And The Thousands Of Things The Schools Have Become Clogged Up With, And We Will Find That We Can Educate Our Broods For About One-tenth Of The Price And Learn 'em Something That They Might Accidentally Use After They Escape.

Common Sense Ain't Common.

Politicians Are Just A Bunch Of Local Bandits, Sent By Their Local Voters To Raid The Public Treasury.

America Is Becoming So Educated That Ignorance Will Be A Novelty. I Will Belong To A Select Few.

If You Are Trying To Get Out Of The Hole, Stop Digging.

A Holding Company Is A Thing Where You Hand An Accomplice The Goods While The Policeman Searches You.

Even When You Make A Tax Form Out On The Level, You Don't Know When It's Through If You Are A Crook Or A Martyr.

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

Everything Is Funny As Long As It Is Happening To Somebody Else, But When It Happens To You, Why It Seems To Lose Some Of Its Humor, And If It Keeps On Happening, Why The Entire Laughter Kinder Fades Out Of It.

We Are Always Saying: Let The Law Take Its Course But What We Really Mean Is: Let The Law Take Our Course.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

Shrewdness In Public Life All Over The World Is Always Honored, While Honesty In Public Men Is Generally Attributed To Dumbness And Is Seldom Rewarded.

... While The Republicans Are Smart Enough To Make Money, The Democrats Are Smart Enough To Get In Office Every Two Or Three Times A Century And Take It Away From 'em.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

The Problem Ain't What People Know. It's What People Know That Ain't So That's The Problem.

They Are Having Quite An Argument Over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon Wants To Cut The Surtax On The Rich, And Leave It As Is On The Poor, As There Is More Poor Than Rich. I Suppose The Majority Will Win.

Rotation Of Crops And Less Automobiles Will Relieve The Farmers Whenever They Decide To Try It.

A Politician Is Just Like A Pickpocket; It's Almost Impossible To Get Him To Reform.

The Minute You Read Something And You Can't Understand It, You Can Be Sure It Was Written By A Lawyer. Then, If You Give It To Another Lawyer To Read And He Don't Know Just What It Means, Then You Can Be Sure It Was Drawn Up By A Lawyer. If It's In A Few Words And Is Plain, And Understandable Only One Way, It Was Written By A Non-lawyer.

Some People Try To Turn Back Their Odometers. Not Me, I Want People To Know “why” I Look This Way. I’ve Traveled A Long Way And Some Of The Roads Weren’t Paved.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

We Americans Think We Are Pretty Good! We Want To Build A House, We Cut Down Some Trees. We Want To Build A Fire, We Dig A Little Coal. But When We Run Out Of All These Things, Then We Will Find Out Just How Good We Really Are.

We Owe More Money Than Any Nation In The World, And We Are Lowering Taxes. When Is The Time To Pay Off A Debt If It Is Not When You Are Doing Well? You Let A Politician Return Home From Washington And Announce, 'boys We Lowered Your Taxes. We Had To Borrow The Money To Do It, But We Did It.' Say, They Would Elect Him For Life.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

Nothing You Can't Spell Will Ever Work.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

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