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Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

-Will Rogers

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Now These Fellows In

Will Rogers

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Now These Fellows In Washington Wouldn't Be So Serious And Particular If They Only Had To Vote On What They Thought Was Good For The Majority Of The People In The U.s. That Would Be A Cinch. But What Makes It Hard For Them Is Every Time A Bill Comes Up They Have Things To Decide That Have Nothing To Do With The Merit Of The Bill. The Principal Thing Is Of Course: What Will This Do For Me Personally Back Home?

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When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

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Our Financial Ills Will Never Be Settled Till You Fix It So Every Man Will Pay An Income Tax On What He Earns, Be It A Farm, Grocery Store Or Municipal Or Government Bonds.

I Love Horses And I Only Ask-don't Let Me Know Which One We Are Eating Today.

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Golf Is Good For The Soul. You Get So Mad At Yourself You Forget To Hate Your Enemies.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

The Senate Just Sits And Waits Till They Find Out What The President Wants, So They Know How To Vote Against Him.

Harvard Students Have Completed More English Courses And Less Forward Passes Than Any School In This Generation.

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Democrats Never Agree On Anything, That's Why They're Democrats. If They Agreed With Each Other, They Would Be Republicans.

An Economist Is A Man That Can Tell You...what Can Happen Under Any Given Condition, And His Guess Is Liable To Be As Good As Anybody Else's Too.

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The Greatest Loss Of Time Is Delay And Expectation. I Never Yet Talked To The Man Who Wanted To Save Time Who Could Tell Me What He Was Going To Do With The Time He Saved.

Anything Important Is Never Left To The Vote Of The People. We Only Get To Vote On Some Man; We Never Get To Vote On What He Is To Do.

Common Sense Ain't Common.

If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

The United States Investigates Everything - Usually After It's Dead.

The United States Never Lost A War Or Won A Conference.

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Legalize Racing In Every State. Sure People Will Bet, But They Get To See The Horses Run And You Certain Can't See General Motors And General Electric And General Utility Run When You Bet On Them.

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

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There Is Nothing That Sets A Nation Back As Far In Civilization As Prosperity.

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We Have Been Just Going Like A House Afire, And We Couldent See Any Reason Why We Shouldent Keep Right On Burning. Our Tastes Were Acquired On Credit, And We Wanted To Keep On Enjoying 'em On Credit.

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

Politicians Are Dumb, But They Can Count To 50% Plus One.

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

I Guess The Only Way To Stop Divorce Is To Stop Marriage.

Funny Relationship

When Everybody Has Got Money They Cut Taxes, And When They're Broke They Raise Them. That's Statesmanship Of The Highest Order.

I Bet Any Sunday Could Be Made As Popular At Church As Easter Is If You Made 'em Fashion Shows Too. The Audience Is So Busy Looking At Each Other That The Preacher Just As Well Recite Gunga Din.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

You Can Be Killed Just As Dead In An Unjustified War As You Can In One Protecting Your Own Home.

Congress Is Deadlocked And Can’t Act.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

Take The Diplomacy Out Of War And The Thing Would Fall Flat In A Week.

The Whole Financial Structure Of Wall Street Seems To Rise Or Fall On The Mere Fact That The Federal Reserve Bank Raises Or Lowers The Amount Of Interest. Any Business That Can't Survive A One Percent Change Must Be Skating On Thin Ice. Why Even The Poor Farmer Took A Raise Of Another Ten Percent Just To Get A Loan From The Bank, And Nobody From The Government Paid Any Attention. But You Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help To Get Them Back Into Bed Again.

Asking Europe To Disarm Is Like Asking A Man In Chicago To Give Up His Life Insurance.

I Can Remember Way Back When A Liberal Was One Who Was Generous With His Money.

People Are Marvelous In Their Generosity, If They Just Know The Cause Is There.

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

I Go Too Fast To See Much, Only The Tops Of Everything. I've Got To Prowl Slow Some Time Through This Country.

If Everybody (traded His Car For A Horse) They Would Be Out Of Debt In A Couple Of Years. Just Think, No Gas, No Tires, No Roads To Pay For.

The Only Real Diplomacy Ever Performed By A Diplomat Is In Deceiving Their Own People After Their Dumbness Has Got Them Into A War.

What's The Matter With The World? Why, There Ain't Nothing But One Word Wrong With Everyone Of Us, And That's Selfishness.

America Is Becoming So Educated That Ignorance Will Be A Novelty. I Will Belong To A Select Few.

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Every Time Somebody Has Thought Of Relief For The Farmer It Has Been To Make It So He Could Borrow More Money. What He Needs Is Some Way To Pay Back. Not Some Way To Borrow More.

Politicians Can Do More Funny Things Naturally Than I Can Think Of To Do Purposely

The French Couldn't Hate Us Any More Unless We Helped 'em Out In Another War.

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A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

We Are Here Just For A Spell And Then Pass On. So Get A Few Laughs And Do The Best You Can. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose It, You Are Ahead.

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

The Only Time People Dislike Gossip Is When You Gossip About Them.

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Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

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The Nation Is Prosperous On The Whole, But How Much Prosperity Is There In A Hole?

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

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Technocracy Wants To Do Everything By Machinery. Machinery Is Doing Just Fine. If It Can't Kill You, It Will Put You Out Of Work.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

Every Guy Looks In His Pocket And Then Votes.

If You're Ridin' Ahead Of The Herd, Take A Look Back Every Now And Then To Make Sure It's Still There

That's The Trouble With A Politician's Life-somebody Is Always Interrupting It With An Election.

Every Gag I Tell Must Be Based On Truth. No Matter How Much I May Exaggerate It, It Must Have A Certain Amount Of Truth.... Now Rumor Travels Faster, But It Don't Stay Put As Long As Truth.

In Hollywood You Can See Things At Night That Are Fast Enough To Be In The Olympics In The Day Time.

Politics Are Receiving A Lot Of Attention Because We Have Nothing Else To Interest Us. No Nation In The History Of The World Was Ever Sitting As Pretty. If We Want Anything, All We Have To Do Is Go And Buy It On Credit. So That Leaves Us Without Any Economic Problem Whatever, Except Perhaps Some Day To Have To Pay For Them. But We Are Certainly Not Thinking About That This Early.

With All Our Crime And All Our Immorality ... And About As Much Contentment And Respose As A Fresh-caged Hyena, We Go To Tell The Whole World: We Are The Only One With The Right Idea!

There Is No Income Tax In Russia. But There's No Income.

The Supreme Court Is Divided Almost In Half On The Decisions. Talk About An International Court. How Would We Ever Agree With A Lot Of Foreigners When We Can't Even Agree Among Our Own Judges?

I Doubt If A Charging Elephant, Or A Rhino, Is As Determined Or Hard To Check As A Socially Ambitious Mother.

Long Ago When Men Cursed And Beat The Ground With Sticks, It Was Called Witchcraft. Today It's Called Golf.

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

People's Minds Are Changed Through Observation And Not Through Argument.

What The Secretary Of Agriculture Is Trying To Do Is To Teach The Farmer Corn Acreage Control, And The Hogs Birth Control, And One Is Just As Hard To Make Understand It As The Other.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

There Is Not A Better Day In The World To Be Spent Than With A Lot Of Wise Old Cowmen Around Barbecued Beef, Black Coffee And Good "free Holy" Beans.

Every Harvard Class Should Have One Democrat To Rescue It From Oblivion.

The Budget Is Like A Mythical Bean Bag. Congress Votes Mythical Beans Into It, Then Reaches In And Tries To Pull Real Ones Out.

There Wasn't Any Republicans In Washington's Day. No Republicans, No Boll Weevil, No Income Tax, No Cover Charge, No Disarmament Conference, No Luncheon Clubs, No Stop Lights, No Static, No Head Winds. My Lord, Living In Those Days, Who Wouldn't Be Great?

We Don't Seem To Be Able To Check Crime, So Why Not Legalize It And Then Tax It Out Of Business?

We Are The Only Nation In The World That Waits Till We Get Into A War Before We Start Getting Ready For It.

This Would Be A Great World To Dance In If We Didn’t Have To Pay The Fiddler.

There Isn't Any Finer Folks Living Than A Republican That Votes The Democratic Ticket.

An Ignorant Person Is One Who Doesn't Know What You Have Just Found Out.

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