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I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

-Will Rogers

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I Would Love To

Will Rogers

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I Would Love To See Mr. (henry) Ford In There, Really. I Don't Know Who Started The Idea That A President Must Be A Politician Instead Of A Business Man. A Politician Can't Run Any Other Kind Of Business. So There Is No Reason Why He Can Run The U.s. That's The Biggest Single Business In The World.

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A Foreigner Coming Here And Reading The Congressional Record Would Say That The President Of The United States Was Elected Solely For The Purpose Of Giving Senators Somebody To Call A Horse Thief.

Liberty Doesn't Work As Well In Practice As It Does In Speeches.

People Learn More From Observation That They Do From Conversation.

It Wasn't What We Needed Then That Was Hurting Us, It Was What We Was Paying For That We Had Already Used Up. The Country Was Just Buying Gasoline For A Leaky Tank. Everything Was Going Into A Gopher Hole And You Couldent See Where You Was Going To Get Any Of It Back.

I Bet You, If I Had Met Trotsky, And Had Had A Chat With Him, I Would Have Found Him A Very Interesting And Human Fellow, For I Have Never Yet Met A Man I Didn't Like.

I Was Born Because It Was A Habit In Those Days, People Didn't Know Anything Else ... I Was Not A Child Prodigy, Because A Child Prodigy Is A Child Who Knows As Much When It Is A Child As It Does When It Grows Up.

I Don't Care How Little Your Country Is, You Got A Right To Run It Like You Want To. When The Big Nations Quit Meddling Then The World Will Have Peace.

You Know Horses Are Smarter Than People. You Never Heard Of A Horse Going Broke Betting On People.

Do The Best You Can, And Don't Take Life Too Serious.

Wine Had Such Ill Effects On Noah's Health That It Was All He Could Do To Live 950 Years. Show Me A Total Abstainer That Ever Lived That Long.

When A Fellow Ain't Got Much Mind, It Don't Take Him Long To Make It Up.

The Only Thing That Can Stop Hair From Falling ... Is The Floor.

A President Just Can't Make Much Showing Against Congress. They Lay Awake Nights, Thinking Up Things To Be Against The President On.

It Ain't So Much What A Man Doesn't Know That Causes Him So Many Problems, But What He Knows That Ain't So.

The Difference Between A Republican And A Democrat Is That The Democrat Is A Cannibal, They Live Off Each Other, While The Republicans Live Off The Democrats.

It's Great To Be Great, But Its Greater To Be Human.

The Stock Market Has Spoiled More Appetites Than Bad Cooking.

If A Bank Fails In China, They Behead The Men At The Top Of It That Was Responsible... If We Beheaded All Of Ours That Were Responsible For Bank Failures, We Wouldn't Have Enough People Left To Bury The Heads.

Never Slap A Man Who Is Chewing Tobacco.

People Are Marvelous In Their Generosity, If They Just Know The Cause Is There.

Live In Such A Way That You Would Not Be Ashamed To Sell Your Parrot To The Town Gossip.

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.

People Are Getting Smarter Nowadays; They Are Letting Lawyers, Instead Of Their Conscience, Be Their Guide.

You Shouldn't Say Anything Mean About People Who Can't Read. You Should Write It Instead.

The Road To Success Is Dotted With Many Tempting Parking Spaces.

There Is One Thing About Englishmen, They Won't Fix Anything Till It's Just About Totally Ruined. You Couldn't Get The English To Fix Anything At The Start. No! They Like To Sit And Watch It Grow Worse. Then, When It Just Looks Like The Whole Thing Has Gone Up Salt Creek, Why, The English Jump In And Rescue It.

Rail-splitting Produced An Immortal President In Lincoln, But Golf Hasn't Produced Even A Good Congressman.

Lobbyists Have More Offices In Washington Than The President. You See, The President Only Tells Congress What They Should Do. Lobbyists Tell'em What They Will Do.

Money And Women Are The Most Sought After And The Least Known About Of Any Two Things We Have.

You Can't Legislate Intelligence And Common Sense Into People.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.

You Could Be The World's Greatest Orator And If You Don't Say Anything While Orating, They Are Going To Walk Out On You After A While.

Things In Our Country Run In Spite Of Government, Not By Aid Of It.

The Reason Political Party Platforms Are So Long Is That When You Straddle Anything It Takes A Long Time To Explain It.

If A Thousand Shares Of Stocks Or Bonds Make Nothing, You Pay Nothing. But On A Thousand Acres Of Land You Pay Enough To Support Half The Community Who Own No Land And Pay No Taxes.

Steak On The Plate Went Up. Steak On The Hoof Went Down.

The Man With The Best Job In The Country Is The Vice-president. All He Has To Do Is Get Up Every Morning And Say, 'how Is The President?'

A Conference Is Just An Admission That You Want Somebody To Join You In Your Troubles.

The "ways & Means Committee" Is A Committee That's Supposed To Find The Ways To Divide Up The Means.

If I Could Kick The Person In The Tail That Causes Me The Most Problems I Could Not Sit Down For A Week

Ancient Rome Declined Because It Had A Senate, Now What's Going To Happen To Us With Both A House And A Senate?

A Man Who Dies Without Adequate Life Insurance Should Have To Come Back And See The Mess He Created.

The Senate Just Sits And Waits Till They Find Out What The President Wants, So They Know How To Vote Against Him.

Government Investigations Have Always Contributed More To Our Amusement Than They Have To Our Knowledge.

The Way To Make Money In The Stock Market Is To Buy A Stock. Then, When It Goes Up, Sell It. If It's Not Going To Go Up, Don't Buy It!

Farmers Have About Given Up Hope Of Getting Farm Relief And Have Decided To Fertilize Instead.

The Lord So Constituted Everybody That No Matter What Color You Are You Require The Same Amount Of Nourishment.

See What Will Happen If You Don't Stop Biting Your Fingernails

If A Man Ain't Nothin' Else, Then He's An Artist. It's The Only Thing He Can Claim To Be That Nobody Can Prove He Ain't.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like." I Am So Proud Of That I Can Hardly Wait To Die So It Can Be Carved. And When You Come To My Grave You Will Find Me Sitting There, Proudly Reading It.

It Takes A Lifetime To Build A Good Reputation, But You Can Lose It In A Minute.

We Never Will Have Any Prosperity That Is Free From Speculation Till We Pass A Law That Every Time A Broker Or Person Sells Something, He Has Got To Have It Sitting There In A Bucket, Or A Bag, Or A Jug, Or A Cage, Or A Rat Trap, Or Something, Depending On What It Is He Is Selling. We Are Continually Buying Something That We Never Get From A Man That Never Had It.

Eventually You Will Reach A Point When You Stop Lying About Your Age And Start Bragging About It.

I Hope We Never Live To See The Day When A Thing Is As Bad As Some Of Our Newspapers Make It.

Newspapers Journalism

Believe In Something For Another World, But Don't Be Too Set On What It Is, And Then You Won't Start Out That Life With A Disappontment. Live Your Life So That Whenever You Lose You Are Ahead.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging.

Finding Yourself

Digging Ditches

There Is Only One Redeeming Thing About This Whole Election. It Will Be Over At Sundown, And Let Everybody Pray That It's Not A Tie, For We Couldn't Go Through With This Thing Again.

Pain Is Such An Uncomfortable Feeling That Even A Tiny Amount Of It Is Enough To Ruin Every Enjoyment.

Uncomfortable Feeling

I Bet After Seeing Us, George Washington Would Sue Us For Calling Him 'father.'

We Are The First Nation In The History Of The World To Go To The Poorhouse In An Automobile.

Now I Am Not Unpatriotic, And I Want To Do My Bit, So I Hereby Offer My Services To My President, My Country And My Friends To Do Anything, Outside Of Serving On A Commission, That I Can In This Great Movement. But You Will Have To Give Me Some Idea Of Where "confidence" Is. And Just Who You Want It Restored To.

It Looks To Me Like Any Man That Wants To Be President In Times Like These Lacks Something.

Times Like These

Coolidge Made Less Speeches And Got More Votes Than Any Man That Ever Run. (william Jennings) Bryan Was Listened To And Cheered By More People Than Any Single Human In Politics, And He Lost. So There Is A Doubt Just Whether Talking Does You Good Or Harm.

We Have Plenty Of Confidence In This Country, But We Are A Little Short Of Good Men To Place Our Confidence In.

You Can Be Killed Just As Dead In An Unjustified War As You Can In One Protecting Your Own Home.

The Only Way To Solve The Traffic Problems Of The Country Is To Pass A Law That Only Paid-for Cars Are Allowed To Use The Highways. That Would Make Traffic So Scarce, We Could Use Our Boulevards For Children's Playgrounds.

America Already Holds The Record For Freak Movements. Now We Have A New One. It's Called "restoring Confidence." Rich Men Who Never Had A Mission In Life Outside Of Watching A Stock Ticker Are Working Day And Night "restoring Confidence." Writers Are Working Night Shifts, Speakers' Tables Are Littered Up, Ministers Are Preaching Statistics, All On "restoring Confidence."

If You Make Any Money, The Government Shoves You In The Creek Once A Year With It In Your Pockets, And All That Don't Get Wet You Can Keep.

There Are Three Types Of Men In The World. One Type Learns From Books. One Type Learns From Observations. And One Type Just Has To Urinate On The Electric Fence Himself.

I Am Telling Folks That The Country As A Whole Is "sound," And That All Those Who's Heads Are Solid Are Bound To Get Back Into The Market Again. I Tell 'em That This Country Is Bigger Than Wall Street, And If They Don't Believe It, I Show 'em The Map.

We Do More Talking Progress Than We Do Progressing.

Does College Pay? They Do If You Are A Good Open-field Runner.

Take Me Ham Away, Take Away My Eggs, Even My Chili, But Leave Me My Newspaper.

Politicians Are Dumb, But They Can Count To 50% Plus One.

Ignorance Lies Not In The Things You Don't Know, But In The Things You Know That Ain't So.

There Are Two Things I Don't Care How Smart You Are, You Will Never Understand. One Is An Alienist's Testimony, And The Other Is A Railroad Timetable.

I See By The Papers That They Are Going To Do Away With All The Nuisance Taxes. That Means That A Man Can Get A Marriage License For Nothing.

America Is The First Country Where People Go To The Poor House In Their Car.

Too Many People Spend Money They Haven't Earned To Buy Things They Don't Want To Impress People They Don't Like.

The Public Perceives There Are Problems With The Water System, And With The Efficiency Of The System. We Need Some Leadership And To Provide Expertise In The Area Of Efficiency.

The More You Read And Observe About This Politics Thing, The More You've Got To Admit That Each Party Is Worse Than The Other.

We Don't Know What We Want, But We Are Ready To Bite Somebody To Get It

Personally, I Have Always Felt That The Best Doctor In The World Is The Veterinarian. He Can't Ask His Patients What Is The Matter...he's Just Got To Know.

Well, The Disarmament Conference Is Off To A Flying Start. There Is Nothing To Prevent Their Succeeding Now But Human Nature.

Alexander Hamilton Originated The Put And Take System In Our National Treasury: The Taxpayers Put It In, And The Politicians Take It Out

I Read Where They Are Going To Limit Debate In The Senate. It Used To Be That A Man Could Talk All Day, But Now, As Soon As He Tells All He Knows, He Has To Sit Down. Most Of These Birds Will Just Be Getting Up And Nodding Now. Why, Some Of Them Won't Be Able To Answer Roll Call.

There Ain't Nothing That Breaks Up Homes, Country And Nations Like Somebody Publishing Their Memoirs

Don't Gamble; Take All Your Savings And Buy Some Good Stock And Hold It Till It Goes Up, Then Sell It. If It Don't Go Up, Don't Buy It.

The Only Difference Between Death And Taxes Is That Death Doesn't Get Worse Every Time Congress Meets.

Instead Of Giving Money To Found Colleges To Promote Learning, Why Don't They Pass A Constitutional Amendment Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything? If It Works As Good As The Prohibition One Did, Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

They Are Voting Whether To Keep A Governor Two Years Or Four. I Think A Good, Honest Governor Should Get Four Years, And The Others Life.

Cities Are Like Gentlemen, They Are Born, Not Made. You Are Either A City, Or You Are Not, Size Has Nothing To Do With It. I Bet San Francisco Was A City From The Very First Time It Had A Dozen Settlers. New York Is "yokel", But San Francisco Is "city At Heart".

Don't Wait To Buy Land, Buy Land And Wait.

The Old Horse Is Coming Back In A High Lope. Thousands Of People Are Riding A Horse Today That Five Years Ago Couldn't Sit In A Ford With All The Doors Locked.

We Are The Only Nation In The World That Waits Till We Get Into A War Before We Start Getting Ready For It.

We Are Always Yapping About The 'good Old Days' And How We Look Back And Enjoy It, But I Tell You There Is A Lot Of Hooey To It. There Is A Whole Lot Of All Our Past Lives That Wasn't So Hot.

The Trouble With Our Praying Is, We Just Do It As A Means Of Last Resort.

I Remember When Being Liberal Meant Being Generous With Your Own Money.

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

Democrats Are The Only Reason To Vote For Republicans

They Call It The Latin Quarter Because Nobody There Is Latin And Nobody Has A Quarter.

So Let's Be Honest With Ourselves And Not Take Ourselves Too Serious, And Never Condemn The Other Fellow For Doing What We Are Doing Every Day, Only In A Different Way.

Being Different

Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages. There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste. Every Time We See A Bridegroom We Wonder Why She Ever Picked Him, And It's The Same With Public Officials.

You Got To Do More Than Just Live In The Country To Be A Farmer.

The Worst Thing That Happens To You May Be The Best Thing For You If You Don't Let It Get The Best Of You.

The Farmers Can Be Thankful. Didn't The Farm Board Decide In Washington Last Week That They Could Have Cheaper Interest? All The Farmers Have To Do Now Is To Find Something New To Put Up As Security.

Don't Just Grab At The First Thing That Comes Along. Know When To Refuse Something That Won't Get You Anywhere

And Kid Congress And The Senate, Dont Scold Em. They Are Just Children Thats Never Grown Up. They Dont Like To Be Corrected In Company. Dont Send Messages To Em, Send Candy.

Candidates Have Been Telling You That If Elected They Would 'pull You From This Bog Hole Of Financial Misery.' Now Is A Good Chance To Get Even With 'em, By Electing 'em, Just To Prove What A Liar They Are.

I Am A Great Believer In High-priced People. If A Thing Cost A Lot It May Not Be Any Better, But It Adds A Certain Amount Of Class That The Cheap Thing Can Never Approach; In The Long Run It's The Higher-priced Things That Are The Cheapest.

Hurray! Congress Is To Adjourn! Only Four More Days Of Congressional Burglary On The Treasury!

All I Know Is Just What I Read In The Papers, And That's An Alibi For My Ignorance.

I Don't Know How I Got Over The Hill Without Getting To The Top.

If We Took Congress Seriously, We Would Be Worrying All The Time.

Outside Of Traffic, There Is Nothing That Has Held This Country Back As Much As Committees.

I Know Things Are Going To Get Better In Spite Of Both Sides. Then When Things Do Get Better, Then You'll Hear The Yell That Will Go Up. The Democrats Will Swear That Recovery Was Due To Them. Now The Republicans, They'll Say It Was Due To Them. Nobody Wanted To Claim The Credit For The Country Blowing Up, But Wait Until It Starts Picking Up And They'll Both Be On It Then. See?

Our President Delivered His State Of The Union Message To Congress. That Is One Of The Things His Contract Calls For -- To Tell Congress The Condition Of The Country. This Message, As I Say, Is To Congress. The Rest Of The People Know The Condition Of The Country, For They Live In It, But Congress Has No Idea What Is Going On In America, So The President Has To Tell 'em.

My Father Was One-eighth Cherokee Indian And My Mother Was Quarter-blood Cherokee. I Never Got Far Enough In Arithmetic To Figure Out How Much Injun That Made Me, But There's Nothing Of Which I Am More Proud Than My Cherokee Blood.

If Any Of Us Had A Child That We Thought Was As Bad As We Know We Are, We Would Have Cause To Start To Worry.

Give Her A Day, And Then In Return Momma Gives You The Other 364.

I Arrived At My Hut In Beverly Hills Just In Time To Keep Real Estate Men From Plotting Off And Selling My Front Yard. They Will Sell You Anything Or Anybody's In The World As Long As They Can Get A First Payment... It Used To Be Only Iowa That Was Out Here But Now They Have Three Or Four Adjoining States Interested And They Are Here, Too. Real Estate Agents - You Never Saw As Many In Your Life; They Are As Thick As Bootleggers.

Old Hollywood Is Just Like A Desert Water In Africa. Hang Around Long Enough And Every Kind Of Animal In The World Will Drift In For Refreshments.

I Am Proud Of The Fact There Is Not A Human Being That I Have Got It In For. I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like.

You've Never In Your Life Seen A Picture, I Bet Any One Of You, Never Seen A Picture Of One Of These Old Pilgrims Praying When They Didn't Have A Gun Right By The Side Of Them. That Was To See That He Got What He Was Praying For.

Say, Did You Read What This Writer Just Dug Up In George Washington's Diary? I Was So Ashamed I Sat Up All Night Reading It.

Everytime A Lawyer Writes Something, He Is Not Writing For Posterity, He Is Writing Something So That Endless Others Of His Craft Can Make A Living Out Of Trying To Figure Out What He Said. Course Perhaps He Really Haden't Said Anything, That's What Makes It So Hard To Explain.

I'm Not A Real Movie Star. I've Still Got The Same Wife I Started Out With Twenty-eight Years Ago.

Everything Worthwhile Is A Good Idea, But Did You Ever Notice There Is More Bad Ideas That Will Work Than There Is Good Ones?

If You Live Right, Death Is A Joke To You As Far As Fear Is Concerned.

Many A Politician Wishes There Was A Law To Burn Old Records.

When You Are Satisfied, You Are Successful. For That's All There Is To Success Is Satisfaction.

If You Got A Dollar, Soak It Away, Put It In A Savings Bank, Bury It, Do Anything But Spend It. Spending When We Didn't Have It Put Us Where We Are Today. Saving When We've Got It Will Get Us Back To Where We Was Before We Went Cuckoo.

A Remark Generally Hurts In Proportion To Its Truth.

They Used To Take Your Horse And If They Were Caught They Got Hung For It. Now They Take Your Car, And If They Are Caught It's A Miracle.

It Sure Did Kick Up Some Excitement In The Senate When One Senator Called The Other Senators 'sons Of Wild Jackasses.' Well, If You Thought It Made The Senators Hot, You Wait Till You See What Happens When The Jackasses Hear How They Have Been Slandered.

Farmers Have More Associations, And Bureaus, And Clubs, Than They Have Pitchforks.

The Man Who Never Makes A Mistake Must Get Tired Of Doing Nothing.

There Is Some Talk Of Lowering (the Income Tax), And They Will Have To. People Are Not Making Enough To Pay It.

Everything Is Funny, As Long As It's Happening To Somebody Else.

Civilization Has Taught Us To Eat With A Fork, But Even Now If Nobody Is Around We Use Our Fingers.

Texas Is A Great State. It's The 'old Man River' Of States. No Matter Who Runs It Or What Happens To It Politically, It Just Keeps Rolling Along!

In Washington, One Man Could Do What Ten Of Them Do. There Could Be Only A Quarter Or A Third As Many Congressmen Or Senators, And We Would Pick Better Ones Then. But It's The System That We Have Always Used, And There Is No Use Getting All Overcome With Perspiration Over It. Things Kinder Run Themselves, Anyhow.

There Isn't Any Finer Folks Living Than A Republican That Votes The Democratic Ticket.

Politics Has Become So Expensive That It Takes A Lot Of Money Even To Be Defeated.

Lord, The Money We Do Spend On Government And It's Not One Bit Better Than The Government We Got For One-third The Money Twenty Years Ago.

What The Country Needs Is Dirtier Fingernails And Cleaner Minds.

Political Elections Are A Good Deal Like Marriages, There's No Accounting For Anyone's Taste.

I Was Born On Nov. 4, Which Is Election Day ... My Birthday Has Made More Men And Sent More Back To Honest Work Than Any Other Days In The Year.

When A Party Can't Think Of Anything Else They Always Fall Back On Lower Taxes. It Has A Magic Sound To A Voter, Just Like Fairyland Is Spoken Of And Dreamed Of By All Children. But No Child Has Ever Seen It; Neither Has Any Voter Ever Lived To See The Day When His Taxes Were Lowered. Presidents Have Been Promising Lower Taxes Since Washington Crossed The Delaware By Hand In A Row Boat. But Our Taxes Have Gotten Bigger And Their Boats Have Gotten Larger Until Now The President Crosses The Delaware In His Private Yacht.

How Is The Government Going To Get The Extra Taxes? Out Of The Rich, Or Just Out Of The Poor, As Usual?

On Prohibiting Anybody From Learning Anything: Why, In Five Years We Would Have The Smartest Race Of People On Earth.

When You're Through Learning, You're Through.

Now If There Is One Thing That We Do Worse Than Any Other Nation, It Is Try And Manage Somebody Else's Affairs.

The Whole Financial Structure Of Wall Street Seems To Rise Or Fall On The Mere Fact That The Federal Reserve Bank Raises Or Lowers The Amount Of Interest. Any Business That Can't Survive A One Percent Change Must Be Skating On Thin Ice. Why Even The Poor Farmer Took A Raise Of Another Ten Percent Just To Get A Loan From The Bank, And Nobody From The Government Paid Any Attention. But You Let Wall Street Have A Nightmare And The Whole Country Has To Help To Get Them Back Into Bed Again.

I Have Always Said That A Conference Was Held For One Reason Only, To Give Everybody A Chance To Get Sore At Everybody Else. Sometimes It Takes Two Or Three Conferences To Scare Up A War, But Generally One Will Do It.

The High Income Tax Come Pretty Near Passing In The Senate. Only Lacked About Six Votes. So It Won't Be Long Now. Well, There Is Millions And Millions That Are Not Making It, That Would Be Glad To Give Up 99 Per Cent If You Would Let 'em Earn A Hundred Thousand Or More.

Now They Got Such A High Inheritance Tax On 'em That You Won't Catch These Old Rich Boys Dying Promiscuously Like They Did. This Bill Makes Patriots Out Of Everybody. You Sure Do Die For Your Country If You Die From Now On.

Some Guy Invented Vitamin A Out Of A Carrot. I'll Bet He Can't Invent A Good Meal Out Of One.

Get Someone Else To Blow Your Horn And The Sound Will Carry Twice As Far.

My Forefathers Didn't Come Over On The Mayflower, But They Met The Boat.

Native American

We Are All Here For A Spell, Get All The Good Laughs You Can.

Our Country Has Plenty Of Five-cent Cigars, But The Trouble Is They Charge Fifteen Cents For Them.

We're All Ignorant, Just About Different Stuff.

The Good Old Horse-and-buggy Days: Then You Lived Until You Died And Not Until You Were Run Over.

There Is A Hundred Things To Single You Out For Promotion In Party Politics Besides Ability.

Show Me A Healthy Community With A Healthy Economy And I Will Show You A Community That Has Its Green Infrastructure In Order And Understands The Relationship Between The Built And The Unbuilt Environment.

We All Joke About Congress But We Can't Improve On Them. Have You Noticed That No Matter Who We Elect, He Is Just As Bad As The One He Replaces?

It's Easy Being A Humorist When You've Got The Whole Government Working For You.

A Politician Is Not As Narrow-minded As He Forces Himself To Be.

The United States Never Lost A War Or Won A Conference.

If You Want To Know When A War Might Be Coming, You Just Watch The U.s. And See When It Starts Cutting Down On Its Defenses. It's The Surest Barometer In The World.

Politics Is The Best Show In America. I Love Animals And I Love Politicians, And I Like To Watch Both Of 'em At Play, Either Back Home In Their Native State, Or After They've Been Captured And Sent To A Zoo, Or To Washington.

Democrats Always Were A Cheap Lot. They Never Had Much Money To Operate On.... They Would Rather Make A Speech Than A Dollar. They Cultivate Their Voice Instead Of Their Finances.

The Theater Is A Great Equalizer: It Is The Only Place Where The Poor Can Look Down On The Rich.

This Thing About Getting Rid Of A Man In The Cabinet Is All Right, But There Is One Bad Feature To It That Few People Realize. That Is, That Unfortunately Every One Of Them Is Replaced By Someone Else. If It Wasn't For That, This Resignation Business Would Be Great.

There Is A Tremendous Movement On To Get Lower Taxes On Earned Incomes. Then Will Come The Real Problem, 'who Among Us On Salary Are Earning Our Income?'

This Thing Of Being A Hero, About The Main Thing To It Is To Know When To Die.

I Have Always Claimed Americans Didn't Want A Drink As Bad As They Wanted The Right To Take A Drink If They Did Happen To Want One.

A Woman Can Make A Man Feel Older Or Younger Than His Years If She So Chooses. Being A Woman Is A Terribly Difficult Task Since It Consists Principally In Dealing With Men. Women Were Made With A Sense Of Humor So They Could Love Men Instead Of Laughing At Them.

I Don't Care How Poor And Inefficient A Little Country Is - They Like To Run Their Own Business. I Know Men That Would -make My Wife A Better Husband Than I Am But, Darn It, I'm Not Going To Give Her To 'em.

Don't Invite Me If You Don't Want Me.

We Are Here For Just A Spell, So Get A Few Laughs.

The Trouble With Practical Jokes Is That Very Often They Get Elected.

Make Crime Pay. Become A Lawyer.

After Seeing Kids Play Polo Against Big Guys, It Only Shows That Horses Are The Greatest Equalizer In The World. No Matter What You Weigh, The Little Fellow Is Your Equal On A Horse.

Both Gangs Have Been Bad Sports, So See If At Least One Can't Redeem Themselves By Offering No Alibis, But Cooperate With The Winner, For No Matter Which One It Is The Poor Fellow Is Going To Need It.

Advertising Is The Art Of Convincing People To Spend Money They Don't Have For Something They Don't Need.

So Here We Are In A Country With More Wheat And Corn And More Money In The Bank, More Cotton, More Everything In The World-there's Not A Product That You Can Name That We Haven't Got More Of Than Any Other Country Ever Had On The Face Of The Earth-and Yet We've Got People Starving. We'll Hold The Distinction Of Being The Only Nation In The History Of The World That Ever Went To The Poor House In An Automobile.

People Love High Ideals, But They Got To Be About 33-percent Plausible

Just Because It's Common Sense, Doesn't Mean It's Common Practice.

There Are Three Kinds Of Men. The One That Learns By Reading. The Few Who Learn By Observation. The Rest Of Them Have To Pee On The Electric Fence For Themselves.

You Can't Tell What A Man Is Like Or What He Is Thinking When You Are Looking At Him. You Must Get Around Behind Him And See What He Has Been Looking At.

The Movies Are The Only Business Where You Can Go Out Front And Applaud Yourself.

It Is Awful Hard To Get People Interested In Corruption Unless They Can Get Some Of It.

People Should Be More Concerned With The Return Of Their Principal Than The Return On Their Principal.

A Realtor Is An Old Fashioned Real Estate Man With A Neck Tie. A Real Estate Man Sold You What You Wanted, A Realtor Sells You What You Don't Need. A Real Estate Man Showed You What You Could Raise On The Land, A Realtor Tells You What You Can Build On It.

We Will Never Get Anywhere With Our Finances Till We Pass A Law Saying...every Time We Appropriate Something, We...pass Another Bill...stating Where The Money Is Coming From.

The Deer Season Just Opened. A Deer Hunter In Ventura Country Brought In His First Man Yesterday.

President Coolidge Said, 'i Don't Want The Government To Go Into Business.' Well, If I Was Mr. Coolidge I Wouldn't Worry Over That. The Government Never Has Been Accused Of Being A Business Man.

The More Ignorant You Are, The Quicker You Fight.

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