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Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.

-Stephen Colbert

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Thanksgiving Is A Magical

Stephen Colbert

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Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.

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Hatemongers Like Media Matters Take Innocent Statements Like Mine, Rush Limbaugh's, John Gibson's, And Bill O'reilly's And Make Them Offensive By Posting Them On The Internet, Allowing The General Public To Hear Words That Were Meant For People Who Already Agree With Us. Hey, Media Matters, You Want To End Offensive Speech? Then Stop Recording It For People Who Would Be Offended.

Remember, You Cannot Be Both Young And Wise. Young People Who Pretend To Be Wise To The Ways Of The World Are Mostly Just Cynics. Cynicism Masquerades As Wisdom, But It Is The Farthest Thing From It. Because Cynics Don’t Learn Anything. Because Cynicism Is A Self-imposed Blindness, A Rejection Of The World Because We Are Afraid It Will Hurt Us Or Disappoint Us. Cynics Always Say No. But Saying “yes” Begins Things. Saying “yes” Is How Things Grow. Saying “yes” Leads To Knowledge. “yes” Is For Young People. So For As Long As You Have The Strength To, Say “yes'.

My Grandfather Did Not Travel Across 4,000 Miles Of The Atlantic Ocean To See This Country Overrun By Immigrants. He Did It Because He Killed A Man Back In Ireland.

If You Like Battlestar Galactica...you're Probably A Huge Nerd.

Atheism: The Religion Devoted To The Worship Of One's Own Smug Sense Of Superiority.

If A Poor Family Falls On Hard Times In The Woods, And No One Is Around To Care, Did It Really Happen?

It Is A Well Known Fact That Reality Has Liberal Bias.

Can Accidentally Eating Halal Food Make You Muslim? Yes, The Same Way Drinking A Cosmo Can Make You Gay.

As Shakespeare Said, There's Nothin' Cooler Than Droppin' The 'g's Off Of Gerunds!

Internet Users, That Blue Screen Of Death You Were Looking At This Morning? That's The Sky. If You're Still Confused, Look It Up On Wikipedia Tomorrow.

Republicans Will Need To Work Hard To Capture The Latino Vote Instead Of Their Current Strategy Of Capturing Latinos.

Wikipedia Is The First Place I Go When I'm Looking For Knowledge... Or When I Want To Create Some.

And If You Love Only Yourself, You Will Serve Only Yourself. And You Will Have Only Yourself.

Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.

I Actually Do Not Think That's How What's Happening To Our Government Is Going To Be Stopped. I Think People Who Are Willing To Be Civically Engaged And Believe In The Promises And The Progress Of The Last Fifty Years That Will Save This Country.

I Have Always Been A Fan Of Reality By Majority Vote.

Will Herman Cain Become The First Black President That I Acknowledge? I Call Him A Dark Horse Because He's An Unlikely Candidate Who Surged Forward, And Not Because He's A Horse.

Divorce Is Marital Welfare.it’s Just Couples Asking Society To Bail Them Out Because They Didn’t Do Enough Research Before They Got Married.

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk-- Get Angry And Punch A Cow.

A Father Has To Be A Provider, A Teacher, A Role Model, But Most Importantly, A Distant Authority Figure Who Can Never Be Pleased. Otherwise, How Will Children Ever Understand The Concept Of God?

An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away, If You Throw It Hard Enough.

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