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There Is A Residual Sense For Me, Having Grown Up In The Early '70s, That I Did Not Know I Had, Which Was A Sense That The Military Are Different Than I. Because There Was Such A Divide Between The Military World - And There Still Is, Because There's No Draft - And The Civilian World Is One Of The Rotten Harvests Of The Vietnam War, Was This Sort Of Bifurcation Of America In That Way.

-Stephen Colbert

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There Is A Residual

Stephen Colbert

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There Is A Residual Sense For Me, Having Grown Up In The Early '70s, That I Did Not Know I Had, Which Was A Sense That The Military Are Different Than I. Because There Was Such A Divide Between The Military World - And There Still Is, Because There's No Draft - And The Civilian World Is One Of The Rotten Harvests Of The Vietnam War, Was This Sort Of Bifurcation Of America In That Way.

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Getting Back Together

Made No Mistake: America Is A Christian Nation. The Bedrock Of Our Theo-democracy Is Our Judeo-christian Values. That Term, By The Way, Is A Bit Of A Misnomer. It Implies That Christianity And Judaism Are Equal.

I Would Say Laughter Is The Best Medicine. But It's More Than That. It's An Entire Regime Of Antibiotics And Steroids.

Tv's Tony Snow Becomes The White House Press Secretary. How Will He Make The Difficult Transition From Fox News Reporter To Republican Apologist? ... Mr. President, It Is Time To Hire The Folks Who've Never Let You Down. Limbaugh At Health And Human Services. Hannity At State. Then Give Rummy The Medal Of Freedom And Install Bill O'reilly As Secretary Of Defense. Only Problem, You Might Find Yourself Invading Vermont. And I'll Replace Chertoff At Homeland Security. The Man's Done Nothing To Control The Bear Population.

Usually When Donald Trump Wants To Keep Someone Out Of Military Service, He Just Fakes A Doctor's Note Saying He Has A Foot Injury. It Worked Fine For Him During Vietnam.

The Yankees' Facebook Page Was Hacked. The Hacker Was Immediately Purchased And Signed To A 5 Year Contract With The Yankees.

Sir, Pay No Attention To The People Who Say The Glass Is Half Empty, Because 32% Means It's 2/3 Empty. There's Still Some Liquid In That Glass Is My Point, But I Wouldn't Drink It. The Last Third Is Usually Backwash. (said To President Bush At The White House Correspondents Dinner)

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk-- Get Angry And Punch A Cow.

If You Are A Hermaphrodite, It Is Physically Impossible To Be Gay.

Women Don't Want All That. Women Just Want A Partner Who Is Considerate And Attentive, Who Will Spoon With Them While Reciting Keats, And Feed Them Organic Yogurt By Candlelight On A Seaside Cliff At Sunset.

In 1986, Our Commencement Speaker Was George Schultz, Secretary Of State, Fourth In Line To The President. You Get Me-basic Cable's Second Most Popular Fake Newsman. At This Rate, The Class Of 2021 Will Be Addressed By A Zoo Parrot In A Mortar-board That Has Been Trained To Say "congratulations.

Congratulations

I Don't Know A Lot About Politics. I Like Talking About Human Behavior. Politicians Are Funny To Me Because They Often Say One Thing And Behave A Different Way.

The Only Thing That Keeps Us Going Back To One Another Is That We're All Filled With Such Enormous Self-doubt. We Have Doubts About Our Ability To Be Alone, To Self-actualize.

Isn't An Agnostic Just An Atheist Without Balls?

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John Gresham Machen

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