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That’s Why Our Tvs Are Brimming With So Much Hot Man-on-pan Action. You Can’t Channel Surf For Long Without Seeing Turkey Getting Stuffed Over And Over Until They Finally Cut To The Gravy Shot.

-Stephen Colbert

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That’s Why Our Tvs

Stephen Colbert

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That’s Why Our Tvs Are Brimming With So Much Hot Man-on-pan Action. You Can’t Channel Surf For Long Without Seeing Turkey Getting Stuffed Over And Over Until They Finally Cut To The Gravy Shot.

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What Does Karl Marx Put On His Pasta? Communist Manipesto!

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Contraception Leads To More Babies Being Born Out Of Wedlock, Like Fire Extinguishers Lead To More Fires.

The Worst Thing About Affirmative Action Is That It Encourages Reverse Discrimination, So-called Because It Goes In The Opposite Way Of How We Naturally Discriminate.

And Of Course I Don't Go Anywhere Without My Pet Goldfish, Anthrax. I Always Tell Security I'm Carrying Anthrax. Yeah, Sure I Get A Lot Of Guff About It, But It's A Family Name; I'm Not Changing It.

The Interesting Thing About Grief, I Think, Is That It Is Its Own Size. It Is Not The Size Of You. It Is Its Own Size. And Grief Comes To You. You Know What I Mean? I’ve Always Liked That Phrase “he Was Visited By Grief,” Because That’s Really What It Is. Grief Is Its Own Thing. It’s Not Like It’s In Me And I’m Going To Deal With It. It’s A Thing, And You Have To Be Okay With Its Presence. If You Try To Ignore It, It Will Be Like A Wolf At Your Door.

Take Away The Big Bang And What Has God Done? Burned A Bush And Got A Girl Pregnant. Great, He's A High School Junior.

I Have A Generally Liberal Audience, But They Will Applaud When I Nail A Liberal Lion.

If We Don't Cut Expensive Things Like Head Start, Child Nutrition Programs, And Teachers, What Sort Of Future Are We Leaving For Our Children?

We Have This Idea In Our Mind That There's A Separation Of Church And State In America, Which I Think Is A Good Thing. And We Extend That To Our Politics. Like It's Not Just Church And State, But It's Also There's A Separation Of Religion And Politics. But Of Course, There - There Isn't.

There's Nothing More I Love Than Mcdonald's Dollar Menu. With Just The Change I Find Between My Couch Cushions, I Can Eat Something With The Nutritional Value Of A Couch Cushion.

Warning, I May Contain More Than A Trace Amount Of Nut.

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Michael K. Powell

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