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Joe Biden Went To Brazil In An Effort To Try And Repair America's Relationship With Their Government. Biden Said, 'it's Great To Be Here In The Amazon. I've Always Wanted To See Where All The Books Come From.'

-Jimmy Fallon

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Joe Biden Went To

Jimmy Fallon

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Joe Biden Went To Brazil In An Effort To Try And Repair America's Relationship With Their Government. Biden Said, 'it's Great To Be Here In The Amazon. I've Always Wanted To See Where All The Books Come From.'

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Joe Biden Will Speak To The Nation's Largest Gay Rights Group During A Human Rights Convention On Friday. Then On Saturday, He Is Scheduled To Speak To Them Again To Apologize For Whatever He Said In Friday's Speech.

It's Friday. That's One Reason To Celebrate. Also, It's The First Day In A Long Time When No One Declared They're Running For President.

I'm Going To North Pole To Help Out Santa This Year.

The White House Is Apparently Pushing To Create More Latino-themed Landmarks. Now That's In Addition To Our Current Latino-themed Landmark, California.

Today Is The Midterm Elections. The Washington Post Is Predicting That There's A 98 Percent Chance Of The Republicans Taking The Senate And The New York Times Says There's A 75 Percent Chance. And Cnn Said, 'wait, That's Today?'

I Didn't Think It Was Going To Be This Fun. But Everything Just Gets Heightened When You Have A Baby. The Volume Gets Turned Up On Life. I Never Knew I Could Be This Happy, And That's The Truth.

I'd Be Nothing Without My Wife. She's The Coolest. She's The Greatest. She Is The Smartest. She's The Funniest. I Love Her So Much. She's Like The - It's Like Your Best Friend For The Rest Of Your Life.

Rest Of Your Life

Your Best Friend

The 'tonight Show' Didn't Seem Like An Actual Job That You Could Have. All You Remember Is You Watched Johnny Carson, And You Never Thought He Would Retire.

I Became A Yankees Fan For A Few Years. But Now, I Gotta Say, I'm Really Rooting For The Red Sox.

President Obama Is In China Now For An Economic Summit In Beijing. The President Wore A Traditional Purple Silk Shirt Along With Chinese President Xi Jinping And Vladimir Putin. That's After They Taught Putin How To Put A Shirt On.

When You Were A Kid, It [work In Ibm] Seemed Like An Awesome Job. I'd Get To Go To Work And Have A Briefcase. I Loved How Dad Wore A Tie And Got A Car. I Didn't Know If All Those Things Came Together. I'd See My Dad Go Off To Work And We'd Wait For Him To Come Home, And We'd All Be Excited To See Him.

In Celebration Of Mother's Day Yesterday, President Obama Called Three Moms Who Had Written Him Letters. Then Kids Who Made Their Mom A Macaroni Necklace Said, 'thanks, Obama.'

Apparently, The Obamas Chose New York City Because They've Gotten So Used To People Trying To Break Into Their House.

It Was Announced Today That Iran Has Reached A Deal With The U.s. To Limit Its Nuclear Program And Send Most Of Its Uranium To Russia. Then Americans Said, 'that's Great! Wait, What?'

The Key To Happiness. Hm.... There Are Just So Many Factors. I Think It's Just A Way Of Being. It's About.... Every Little Thing In Moderation. Whether It Be Stress, Anger, Joy, Depression.

Department Store Santas Are Apparently Being Trained To Lower Children's Expectations About Toys Because Of The Recession. Yeah, It's Weird When You Ask Santa For A Train Set And He's Like, 'yeah, How 'bout A Bus Token?

Regis Philbin's Back In Primetime, Hosting 11 New Episodes Of 'who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' But Because Of Obama's Tax Plan, It's Been Re-titled 'who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.'

Ohio Governor John Kasich Became The 16th Republican To Announce That He Is Running For President. During His Speech He Referred To Jesus Christ, Which Is Ironic Because So Did Americans When They Heard Another Republican Was Running For President.

Time Magazine Interviewed Bill Clinton About The Current Presidential Campaign, And He Claimed He Had To Ask Hillary To Marry Him Three Times Before She Said Yes. Then Hillary Was Like, 'yeah. That Wasn't Me.'

In An Interview, President Obama Said He Recently Deejayed A Small Dance Party At The White House. Obama Has A Lot In Common With Deejays. He Takes Requests And Then Completely Ignores Them.

I'd Do Entire Music Videos In My Bedroom, Where I Used To Stand In Front Of My Television Memorizing The Moves To Michael Jackson's 'beat It.'

L.a. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling Was Recorded On Tape Making Racist Comments. He Now Has Been Banned From The League For Life. Great, Just Where Sterling Wanted To End Up - The Blacklist.

During A Speech On Sunday, President Obama Said To The Crowd, 'we've Got To Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.' This Went On For An Hour Until Someone Finally Fixed His Teleprompter.

When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or People Who Makes Ballon Animals, I Think Of Their Relatives And How Disappointed They Must Be.

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders Is Expected To Announce Tomorrow That He Is Running For President, Making Him Hillary Clinton's Only Democratic Challenger So Far. Or As Hillary Put It, 'oooo, Appetizers!'

A New Study Found That Women Think Men Holding A Guitar Are More Attractive, Even If They Are Not Playing It. In A Related Story, Guys With An Accordion Will Die Alone.

Ben Carson Actually Lost A Tooth. Which Explains Why He Said That Under His Leadership, Americans Would Be Entitled To 'life, Liberty, And The Purthuit Of Happineth.'

In A New Interview, Herman Cain Said That If Rick Perry Were An Ice Cream Flavor, He'd Be 'rocky Road.' I Don't Know, Perry's Not Really Any Flavor Of Ice Cream. He's Just The Brain Freeze Part.

President Obama Said That If He Could Have Any Superpower, He'd Want The Ability To Speak Any Language. That's So Everyone In The World Could Tell Him He Picked One Of The Lamest Possible Superpowers.

Thank You... Fat Dude With Giant Headphones On The Subway, For Looking Like What Would've Happened If Jabba The Hutt Mated With Princess Leia.

The Heroic New York Doctor Who Caught Ebola Has Been Declared Ebola Free. President Obama Called The Doctor To Thank Him For His Selflessness And Compassion. Then To Be Safe, Obama Threw His Phone In A Trash Can And Lit It On Fire.

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