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I Would Love For Someone To Offer Me A Serious Part In Something. I Don't Know If I Could Even Pull It Off, But I Would Like To Be The Cowboy That Rides Off And Someone Shoots Him Off The Horse In The Middle Of Town. Just A Serious Role. It Wouldn't Have To Be A Big One.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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I Would Love For

Jeff Foxworthy

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I Would Love For Someone To Offer Me A Serious Part In Something. I Don't Know If I Could Even Pull It Off, But I Would Like To Be The Cowboy That Rides Off And Someone Shoots Him Off The Horse In The Middle Of Town. Just A Serious Role. It Wouldn't Have To Be A Big One.

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Country Music Is About New Love And It's About Old Love.

People Are Like, Hey, Jeff, Lemme Tell You... I'm Like, Hold On, Let Me Get A Pen And A Piece Of Paper.

I Actually Had A Chance To Be In Delta Farce, But I Couldn't Do It Because I Read The Script.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Calls You Over To Help, Cause She Has A Flat Tire On Her House.

I'm An Outdoor Nut. If I'm Not Working, I'm On A Tractor On My Farm, Hunting, Fishing Or Climbing A Mountain.

You Break Into My House, I Will Shoot You. My Wife Will Shoot You And Then Spend Thirty Minutes Telling You Why She Shot You.

I Wish I Could Relate To The People I'm Related To.

I Talked To Larry The Cable Guy The Other Day. Larry's Made More Money Than 10 People Should Ever Make In A Lifetime. He Was Excited Because He'd Gone Over To The Livestock Auction And Bought 20 New Feeder Pigs.

If You're A Redneck, You Have That Blood Flowing Through Your Veins. That's Almost On The Bucket List, To Hear "freebird" Live.

You Know You're A Redneck If Your Home Has Wheels And Your Car Doesn't.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Hauled A Can Of Paint To The Top Of A Water Tower To Defend Your Sister's Honor.

You May Be A Redneck If... You Have Spent More On Your Pickup Truck Than On Your Education.

If Your Wife's Hairdo Has Ever Been Ruined By A Ceiling Fan, You Might Be A Redneck.

I Always Wore Cowboy Boots And Drove A Truck, And Talked Like This. So Everywhere I Would Go In Comedy People Would Say, "foxworthy, You Ain't Nothing But A Redneck From Georgia!" It Kind Of Became A Formula Joke.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Dog Can't Watch You Eat Without Gagging.

You Might Be A Redneck If Every Electrical Outlet In Your House Is A Fire Hazard.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Color Coordinating Rope That Ties Down Your Car Hood.

If You Own A Home With Wheels On It And Several Cars Without, You Just Might Be A Redneck.

How Is A Redneck Divorce Similar To A Tornado? You Know That Somewhere, Somehow, Someone Is Gonna Lose A Trailer.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think People That Send Out Graduation Announcements Are Show-offs.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Local Ambulance Has A Trailer Hitch.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Parakeet Knows The Phrase Open Up, Police!

If You Have Ever Spray-painted Your Girlfriends Name On An Overpass, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have To Check In The Bottom Of Your Shoe For Change So You Can Get Grandma A New Plug Of Tobacco.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Six-pack And A Bug-zapper High-quality Entertainment.

Louisiana Has The Best Food On The Planet If You Don't Really Ask Too Much About What You're Eating.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Your License Plate Personalized Because Your Dad Made It In Prison.

If You Have More Fish On Your Wall Than Pictures, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Pork And Beans To Be A Gourmet Food.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stared At A Can Of Orange Juice Because It Said Concentrate.

Kids Aren't Suppose To Have Cancer, They're Suppose To Have A Future.

As A Comic, You Learn To Use Your Voice Because You Don't Have The Benefit Of Visual Things.

Whatever Cleaning Goes On On The Planet, Women Do 99% Of It. But See, Women Are Not As Proud Of Their 99% As Men Are Of Our One! We Clean Something Up, We're Gonna Talk About It All Year Long. It Might Be On The News, You Don't Know. A Woman Could Be Out Re-paving The Driveway. Men Actually Have Enough Gall To Run Out On The Porch And Go "hey Baby? Man, It's Hot As Hell Out Here, Ain't It! Look, Don't Worry About Emptyin' That Ashtray In The Den, I Done Got It, All Right? Did It For You, Sweet Pea. I'm Gonna Go Take A Nap Now, All Right?"

You Might Be A Redneck If There Are More Than Ten Lawsuits Currently Pending Against Your Dog.

Every Generation Thinks They Invented Sex, Which Is The Stupidest Assumption In The World Because If That Was The Case, You Wouldn't Even Be Here.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Celebrate Groundhog Day Because You Believe In It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Won't Stop At A Rest Area If You Have An Empty Beer Can In The Car.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Dog Catcher Calls For A Backup Unit When He Visits Your House.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Very Special Baseball Cap, Just For Formal Occasions.

You Have To Change Those Diapers Every Day. When Those Directions On The Side Of The Pampers Box Say, 'holds 6-12 Pounds' They're Not Kidding!

You Might Be A Redneck If You Can't Get Married To Your Sweetheart Because There Is A Law Against It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Wish Your Outhouse Was As Nice As Those At The State Park.

I Refuse To This Day To Do E-mail Because Everybody I Know That Does It, It Takes Another Two Or Three Hours A Day. I Don't Want To Give Two Or Three More Hours Away.

You Might Be A Redneck If There Are Four Or More Cars Up On Blocks In The Front Yard.

Sacrificing Myself To Kill Hilary Clinton Was The Best Thing I Could Possibly Do For Humanity

My Wife Is So Analytical With Raising Kids, And I Am Not. My Feeling Is If They Turn Out Good, Then That Means I Was A Good Daddy And Put A Lot Of Effort Into It. If They Turn Out Bad, It Means They Took After Her Side Of The Family.

I'll Just Have Itchy, Watery Eyes!

I Really Don't Require A Whole Lot In Life.

You Might Be A Redneck If Directions To Your House Include Turn Off The Paved Road.

We're A Heart Attack Away From Losing The Right To Bear Arms.

You Might Be A Redneck If You See A Sign That Says Say No To Crack And It Reminds You To Pull Your Jeans Up.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Dogs Name Is Miller Light

I Notice My Wife When She's On The Phone With Her Friends, Man They Will Share Every Animate Details Of Their Lives With Each Other. See Men Once We Become Friends With Another Man We May Never Say Another Word To Him, Unless There's Valuable Information That Needs To Be Exchanged. Things Like "hey Jim, Your Shirt's On Fire."

You Might Be A Redneck If You Watch Little House On The Prairie For Decorating Tips.

You Might Be A Redneck If Motel 6 Turns Off The Lights When They See You Coming.

That's The Great Thing About A Tractor. You Can't Really Hear The Phone Ring.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Kids Are Going Hungry Tonight Because You Just Had To Have Those Yosemite Sam Mud Flaps.

If The Gas Pedal On Your Car Is Shaped Like A Bare Foot, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're Turned On By A Woman Who Can Field Dress A Deer.

You Take A Normal Guy, Give Him A Wife, Give Them Time, And You've Got An Idiot!

You Might Be A Redneck If When You Run Out Of Gas, You Put Gin In The Gas Tank.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Can Correctly Execute The Sleeper Hold.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Use A Radiator Hose To Fix Your Kitchen Sink.

[about Sex And Being Married] It's Like Being The National Guard, We May Not Be Seeing As Much Action As The Front Line, But We Are Living To Fight Another Day.

If You're A Man And You've Ever Been Antique Shopping During A Big Football Game, You're Either Gay Or Married.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Move Your Refrigerator And The Grass Underneath It Has Turned Yellow.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Work With A Shirt Off... And So Does Your Husband.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Pocketknife Has Ever Been Referred To As Exhibit A.

All These Years I've Sat In Airports And Kind Of Drawn People And Put Like Far Side Captions On Them.

You Might Be A Redneck If Three Quarters Of The Clothes You Own Have Logos On Them.

You Might Be A Redneck If There Is A Sheet Hanging In Your Closet And A Gun Rack Hanging In Your Truck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're Moved To Tears Every Time You Hear Dolly Parton Singing I Will Always Love You.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Saved Lots Of Money On Your Honeymoon By Going Deer Hunting.

Look At Where Jesus Went To Pick People. He Didn't Go To The Colleges; He Got Guys Off The Fishing Docks.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Dated Your Daddy's Current Wife In High School.

You Moon The Wrong Person At An Office Party And Suddenly You're Not 'professional' Any More.

You Might Be A Redneck If Exxon And Conoco Have Offered You Royalties For Your Hair.

You Know, I Remember Career Day In High School. I Remember Plumbers And Lawyers... I Don't Remember A Booth Where You Could Sign Up To Learn How To Shoot Chickens Out Of A Cannon At The Windshield Of An Airplane, 'cause There Would Have Been A Line At My School To Do That!

You Just May Be A Redneck If Your Lawn Furniture Used To Be Your Living Room Furniture.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Vehicle Has A Two-tone Paint Job - Primer Red And Primer Gray.

You Might Be A Redneck If...the Most Serious Loss From The Earthquake Was Your Conway Twitty Record Collection.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stood In Line To Get Your Picture Taken With A Freak Of Nature.

I Would Love For Someone To Offer Me A Serious Part In Something. I Don't Know If I Could Even Pull It Off, But I Would Like To Be The Cowboy That Rides Off And Someone Shoots Him Off The Horse In The Middle Of Town. Just A Serious Role. It Wouldn't Have To Be A Big One.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Bumper Sticker Says, My Other Car Is A Combine.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Handkerchief Doubles As Your Shirt Sleeve.

My Father-in-law Gets Up At 5 O'clock In The Morning And Watches The Discovery Channel. I Don't Know Why There's This Big Rush To Do This.

Did You Know Babies Are Nauseated By The Smell Of A Clean Shirt?

As An Actor, There Was That Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Lights Or Marks Or Other People. It Was Just Going Out There And Having Fun With The Character.

Some People Like To Keep Their Grass Cut Really Short, So They Can See The Intruders Coming. Keep Those Kill Zones Open. I Say Let The Grass Grow Tall So They Don't Know There's A House Behind It. Some Call It Lazy, I Say It's Thinking.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Been Fired From A Construction Job Because Of Your Appearance.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Every Episode Of Hee Haw On Tape.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Good Tan To Be The Back Of Your Neck And The Left Arm Below The Shirt Sleeve.

Do You Know Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder? 'cause There's No Dental Records And All The Dna Is The Same.

I Was Talking To Alan Jackson. He Had His Second Greatest Hits Album. He Said, You Don't Ever Get Into This Really Thinking You're Gonna Make It.

Between New York And La, There's 200 Million People That Aren't Hip, And They Don't Want To Be Hip.

Nowadays You Can't Even Spank Your Kids. No, Gotta Give 'em A Time Out. My Dad Would Take Time Out Of His Busy Day... To Whip Our Ass.

Find Something In Life That You Love Doing. If You Make A Lot Of Money, That's A Bonus, And If You Don't, You Still Won't Hate Going To Work.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

It's A Weird Sensation To Be Mad And Learning At The Same Time.

I Turned Down A Movie This Summer Because It Was Nine Weeks In Vancouver And My Oldest Daughter Is 14. I've Got Four More Summers With Her. I'm Not Giving Away Nine Weeks Of Her Summer To Go Do A Silly Movie.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Father Encourages You To Quit School Because Larry Has An Opening On The Lube Rack.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Started A Petition To Change The National Anthem To Georgia On My Mind.

What I Hated Was Doing What Somebody In La Thought Jeff Foxworthy Ought To Do.

The Only Negative About Doing Stand-up Is That You're On The Road By Yourself. When You're On The Road With Comics We Just Crack Each Other Up Every Night Going, "can You Believe They're Paying Us To Do This? They're Crazy.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Prominently Display A Gift You Bought At Graceland.

The Designated Driver Program, It's Not A Desirable Job. But If You Ever Get Sucked Into Doing It, Drop Them Off At The Wrong House.

You Might Be A Redneck If It's Easier To Spray Weed Killer On Your Lawn Than Mow It.

I Used To Say That Whenever People Heard My Southern Accent, They Always Wanted To Deduct 100 Iq Points.

The Thing About That Singles Apartment Is You Never Had To Clean It Up... Until The Day You Got The Security Deposit Back. You're Arguing With The Landlord... 'no Sir, The Back Door Was Missing When We Moved In Here! The Pizzas Were Always On The Ceiling!'

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Would Rather Go The Racetrack Than The Kennedy Center.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Coffee Table Used To Be A Telephone Cable Spool.

We Probably Stagnate Our Children's Emotional Growth By Not Letting Them Have Some Separation From Us.

You Might Be A Redneck If Someone Tells You You Have Something In Your Teeth, And You Take Them Out To See What It Is.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Best Way To Keep Things Cold Is To Leave'em In The Shade.

I Don't Know Why My Brain Has Kept All The Words To The Gilligan's Island Theme Song And Has Deleted Everything About Triangles.

Pride Is The First Step In People Unraveling And Companies Unraveling And Relationships Unraveling.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Gives You Tips On How To Sneak Booze Into Sporting Events.

You Know That You Are A Teacher When You Spend More Money On School Stuff Than You Do On Your Own Children.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your 'huntin Dog' Cost More Than The Truck You Drive Him Around In.

You Might Be A Redneck If... Your High School Basketball Game Got Rained Out.

If You Know All 4 Seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter And Road Construction, You May Live In Canada

You Might Be A Redneck If You Missed 5th Grade Graduation Because You Had Jury Duty.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Flowers Planted In A Bathroom Appliance In Your Front Yard.

In My Life, I Have Driven Some Crappy Vehicles. But I Have Never Been So Desperate For A Vehicle That I Wanted A Used Rental Car.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Mother Has Been Involved In A Fist Fight At A High School Sports Event.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Classes At School Were Cancelled Because The Path To The Restroom Was Flooded.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you Bought A Vcr So You Could Tape Wrestling While You Are At Work.

Have You Ever Seen People So Ugly That You Have To Get Someone Else To Verify It?

You Might Be A Redneck If Getting A Package From Your Post Office Requires A Full Tank Of Gas In The Truck.

I Think For One Thing, Kids Are A Lot Smarter Now Then We Ever Were.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Anniversary Present Was Getting The Septic Tank Pumped.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Wants To Stop At The Gas Station To See If They've Got The New Darrell Waltrip Budweiser Wall Clock.

Any Job That Posts A Price List For Your Body Parts Is A Bad Job.

You Might Be A Redneck If During Your Senior Year You And Your Mother Had Homeroom Together.

You Might Be A Redneck If An Episode Of Walker, Texas Ranger Changed Your Life.

I Hope Someday We Can Stamp Out Illiteracy In America. Of Course You'll Have To Kill Alot Of My Relatives To Do It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think Silence Of The Lambs Is What Happens When Larry Walks Out To The Barn.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Need One More Hole Punched In Your Card To Get A Freebie At The House Of Tattoos.

If Your Thighs Look Like The Hood Of A White Toyota Minivan After A Hailstorm, You Aren't Juicy.

My Whole Career Can Be Summed Up With 'ignorance Is Bliss.' When You Do Not Know Better, You Do Not Really Worry About Failing.

You Might Be A Redneck If On Your First Date You Had To Ask Your Dad To Borrow The Keys To The Tractor.

People Would Say, Can We Develop A Sitcom Around You? And I Would Say, Not Interested. I'm Very Happy Doing Standup And Writing And Taking My Kids To School.

A Lot Of People Up North, They Think Everybody From The South Is Married To Their Sister And Has Seen A Ufo. I Told Them, 'i'm Just Dating My Sister And Couldn't Swear That It Wasn't A Weather Balloon.'

You May Be A Redneck If... Your Lifetime Goal Is To Own A Fireworks Stand.

You Might Be A Redneck If When You Leave Your House, You Are Followed By Federal Agents Of The Bureau Of Alcohol Tobacco And Firearms, And The Only Thing You Worry About Is If You Can Lose Them Or Not.

It's Sad When You See Somebody That Talented That Passes Away And Doesn't Have To.

We Really Didn't Have The Option Of Being Couch Potatoes When I Was Growing Up. There Were Only Three Television Channels And The Only Kid's Programming Was On Saturday Morning. We Always Played Outside Until We Could Hear Mom Calling Us (not By Cell Phone But With Her Hands Cupped Around Her Mouth) That It Was Dinner Time.

You Can Call Us Rednecks If You Want. We're Not Offended, 'cause We Know What We're All About. We Get Up And Go To Work, We Get Up And Go To Church, And We Get Up And Go To War When Necessary.

For The First Time Ever I Was Taking The Family On The Road. We Stayed With My In-laws, Which On Life's List Of Experiences Ranks Right Below Sitting In A Tub Full Of Scissors.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have To Go Outside To Get Something Out Of The Fridge.

Watching A Baby Being Born Is A Little Like Watching A Wet St. Bernard Coming In Through The Cat Door.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Tobacco Chewers In Your Family Aren't Just Men.

I've Been To All 50 States, And Traveled This Whole Country, And 90 Percent Of The People Are Good Folks. The Rest Of Them Take After The Other Side Of The Family.

You Might Be A Redneck If More Than One Living Relative Is Named After A Southern Civil War General.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Sophisticated Show-biz Cousin Is A Rodeo Clown.

You May Be A Redneck If . . . You Think You Are An Entrepreneur Because Of The "dirt For Sale" Sign In The Front Yard.

It's Not My Dreams That Get Me In Trouble, It's What My Wife Dreams I Did. My Wife Punched Me In The Middle Of The Night; I Woke Up And Went Oww! What Was That For?, And She Goes I Dreamt You Were Making Out With Faith Hill. I Said I Wasn't Dreaming Anything! Send Her Over To My Dreams, And We'll Both Be Happy.

If Your Stomach Blocks Your View Of Your Feet, Cover It Up! The Only People Who Should Be Wearing Belly Shirts Are People Who Don't Have Bellies. Now Those Little Baby Spare Tires Are Kinda Cute; Tractor Tires Aren't! Especially If They've Got Hair On Them!

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Had A 900-pound Television On Top Of A Tv Tray. My Dad's Theory Was, 'let Him Pull It Over His Head A Few Times, He'll Learn.'

Thank God I'm At That Point In My Career Where I Don't Have To Take Stuff That I Don't Really Want To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Satellite Dish Payment Delays Buying School Clothes For The Kids.

I Don't Necessarily Think Of It As Southern Comedy. I Just Think I'm A Comedian And I Have A Southern Accent.

Being A Comedian, People Tell Me Stuff They Shouldn't Tell Their Therapist.

You Might Be A Redneck If The First Words Out Of Your Mouth Every Time You See Friends Are Howdy!, Hey! Or How Y'all Doin'?

If You Have A Complete Set Of Salad Bowls And They All Say Kool Whip On The Side, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If...your Only Condiment On The Dining Room Table Is The Economy Size Bottle Of Ketchup.

If Your Biggest Tax Deduction Was Bail Money, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think That The Styrofoam Cooler Is The Greatest Invention Of All Time.

People Should See Your Faith. If All You Do Is Talk About Your Faith And People Don't See It, But They Ought To See It In The Way You Treat Your Family, You Treat Your Friends, You Treat Your Community.

You Might Be A Redneck If In An Effort To Watch Your Cholesterol, You Eat Spam Lite.

I Say, If Everybody In This House Lives Where It's God First, Friends And Family Second And You Third, We Won't Ever Have An Argument.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think The Mountain Men In Deliverance Were Just Misunderstood.

As An Individual, As A Household, You Can't Spend More Money Than You're Bringing In. You Can Do It For A Little While, But You End Up Going Broke And You End Up Losing Everything You Have. That Is The Path That We're On As A Country, And It Scares Me To Death.

Losing Everything

I'm Very Lucky In That I've Gotten To Do A Lot Of Things. But If You Ever Put A Gun To My Head And Said, "you Can Only Do One," I'd Think It Would Be Stand-up. I Think It's The Coolest Job In The World.

The Stuff That Made Me Mad 20 Years Ago Doesn't Really Make Me Mad Any More.

By The Time We Get To Church, I Need Church Cuz I've Been Yelled At By Everyone In The Family.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you've Been On Tv More Than Times Describing The Sound Of A Tornado.

You Might Be A Redneck If Taking Your Wife On A Cruise Means Circling The Dairy Queen.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Beer Can Collection Is Considered A Tourist Attraction In Your Home Town.

I Got My Wife A Mood Ring. It Works Real Good! When Shes In A Good Mood It Turns Blue, But When Shes In A Bad Mood Theres A Red Mark Across My Forehead

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think The O.j. Trial Was The Big Sunkist And Minutemaid Taste Test.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Salvation Army Declines Your Mattress.

I Just Love People. I Love This Country. I Am The American Dream. I Grew Up By The Airport With A Dirt Yard. Never In My Life Should I Have Been A Success. So That's What I Love About This Country [usa], Is You Get Out There And You Have The Opportunity And You Work Hard At It, And You Can Be A Success.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Has Ever Been Asked To Leave A Bingo Game Because Of Her Language.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Keep A Fly Swatter In The Front Seat Of The Car So You Can Reach Your Kids In The Back Seat Of The Car.

If Your Mother Doesn't Remove The Marlboro From Her Lips Before Telling The State Trooper To Kiss Her Ass, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If... The Blue Book Value Of Your Truck Goes Up And Down Depending On How Much Gas It Has In It.

Little Girls Love Dolls. They Just Don't Love Doll Clothes. We've Got Four Thousand Dolls And Ain't One Of Them Got A Stitch Of Clothes On.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're A Lite Beer Drinker, Because You Start Drinking When It Gets Light.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Hood And One Door Are A Different Color From The Rest Of Your Car.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandfather Completely Executes The Pull My Finger Trick At The Family Reunion.

If You Think A Quaterhorse Is That Ride In Front Of Kmart.. You Might Be A Rednneck

The More Excited The Rooster Gets, The Higher His Voice Goes. He's Got A Little Bit Of A Barney Fife Quality To Him.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stolen Toilet Paper From A Public Restroom.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Stand Under The Mistletoe At Christmas And Wait For Granny And Cousin Sue-ellen To Walk By.

If Your Idea Of A 7 Course Meal Is A Bucket Of Kfc And A Sixpack, You Might Be A Redneck.

There's No Down Time Any More.

That's Just Something Instinctual Within Men. We Always Feel Like We've Got To Protect Our Stuff. Even If It's Not Worth Protecting, We Want To Protect It. You Ever Seen People Who Have Like A Piece Of Crap Pinto With A Club On The Steering Wheel. Somebody Breaks The Window, Steals The Club, Leaves The Pinto In A Pile Of Glass.

Little Girls Love Dolls. They Just Don't Love Dolls Clothes

It's Like Cuddling With A Butterball Turkey.

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