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Whatever Cleaning Goes On On The Planet, Women Do 99% Of It. But See, Women Are Not As Proud Of Their 99% As Men Are Of Our One! We Clean Something Up, We're Gonna Talk About It All Year Long. It Might Be On The News, You Don't Know. A Woman Could Be Out Re-paving The Driveway. Men Actually Have Enough Gall To Run Out On The Porch And Go "hey Baby? Man, It's Hot As Hell Out Here, Ain't It! Look, Don't Worry About Emptyin' That Ashtray In The Den, I Done Got It, All Right? Did It For You, Sweet Pea. I'm Gonna Go Take A Nap Now, All Right?"

-Jeff Foxworthy

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Whatever Cleaning Goes On

Jeff Foxworthy

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Whatever Cleaning Goes On On The Planet, Women Do 99% Of It. But See, Women Are Not As Proud Of Their 99% As Men Are Of Our One! We Clean Something Up, We're Gonna Talk About It All Year Long. It Might Be On The News, You Don't Know. A Woman Could Be Out Re-paving The Driveway. Men Actually Have Enough Gall To Run Out On The Porch And Go "hey Baby? Man, It's Hot As Hell Out Here, Ain't It! Look, Don't Worry About Emptyin' That Ashtray In The Den, I Done Got It, All Right? Did It For You, Sweet Pea. I'm Gonna Go Take A Nap Now, All Right?"

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You Might Be A Redneck If Your Dog Can't Watch You Eat Without Gagging.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Biggest Fashion Risk You Take Is Which Plaid You'll Wear To The 4-h Fair.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Wish Your Outhouse Was As Nice As Those At The State Park.

You Take A Normal Guy, Give Him A Wife, Give Them Time, And You've Got An Idiot!

You Might Be A Redneck If... Your High School Basketball Game Got Rained Out.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Go To A Tupperware Party For A Haircut.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Calls You Over To Help, Cause She Has A Flat Tire On Her House.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Kids Are Going Hungry Tonight Because You Just Had To Have Those Yosemite Sam Mud Flaps.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Local Ambulance Has A Trailer Hitch.

You Might Be A Redneck If It's Easier To Spray Weed Killer On Your Lawn Than Mow It.

People Are Like, Hey, Jeff, Lemme Tell You... I'm Like, Hold On, Let Me Get A Pen And A Piece Of Paper.

I Don't Know Why My Brain Has Kept All The Words To The Gilligan's Island Theme Song And Has Deleted Everything About Triangles.

You Might Be A Redneck If...your Only Condiment On The Dining Room Table Is The Economy Size Bottle Of Ketchup.

Because Criminals Know That When They See A House With 2 Foot Tall Grass, A Dog On A Chain, And An Engine Hanging From A Tree, A Gun Lives In That House. And If You Want To Know What Kind, Just Break In At 2 In The Morning.

People Should See Your Faith. If All You Do Is Talk About Your Faith And People Don't See It, But They Ought To See It In The Way You Treat Your Family, You Treat Your Friends, You Treat Your Community.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Stand Under The Mistletoe At Christmas And Wait For Granny And Cousin Sue-ellen To Walk By.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Primary Source Of Income Is The Pawn Shop.

You Find Out That All This Stuff You've Accumulated, You Could Care Less About It. It's Just The Relationships That Matter.

Comics Don't Usually Have Very Long Careers, And I'm 22 Years Into This.

You Might Be A Redneck If On Your First Date You Had To Ask Your Dad To Borrow The Keys To The Tractor.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have To Go Outside To Get Something Out Of The Fridge.

If You're A Man And You've Ever Been Antique Shopping During A Big Football Game, You're Either Gay Or Married.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Very Special Baseball Cap, Just For Formal Occasions.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Own At Least 20 Baseball Hats.

I Just Love People. I Love This Country. I Am The American Dream. I Grew Up By The Airport With A Dirt Yard. Never In My Life Should I Have Been A Success. So That's What I Love About This Country [usa], Is You Get Out There And You Have The Opportunity And You Work Hard At It, And You Can Be A Success.

If You Know All 4 Seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter And Road Construction, You May Live In Canada

You Might Be A Redneck If... The Blue Book Value Of Your Truck Goes Up And Down Depending On How Much Gas It Has In It.

I Think For One Thing, Kids Are A Lot Smarter Now Then We Ever Were.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Need An Estimate From Your Barber Before You Get A Haircut.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Biggest Ambition In Life Is To Git That Big Ole Coon. The One What Hangs 'round Over Yonder, Back'ah Bubba's Barn.

You Might Be A Redneck If Someone Tells You You Have Something In Your Teeth, And You Take Them Out To See What It Is.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Mother Has Been Involved In A Fist Fight At A High School Sports Event.

There's A Whole Segment Of The Population With A Mentality That Bases Good Times On Where They Can Go And What They Can Buy.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Watch Cartoons Long After Your Kids Get Bored.

You Might Be A Redneck If Three Quarters Of The Clothes You Own Have Logos On Them.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're A Lite Beer Drinker, Because You Start Drinking When It Gets Light.

Look At Where Jesus Went To Pick People. He Didn't Go To The Colleges; He Got Guys Off The Fishing Docks.

You Know, I Remember Career Day In High School. I Remember Plumbers And Lawyers... I Don't Remember A Booth Where You Could Sign Up To Learn How To Shoot Chickens Out Of A Cannon At The Windshield Of An Airplane, 'cause There Would Have Been A Line At My School To Do That!

Please Don't Get Me Wrong Here. I'm Not Making Fun Of Old People. In Fact I Think That's The Goal Of Everybody Here Tonite. We All Want To Be An Old Person Someday.

You Might Be A Redneck If People Hear Your Car Long Before They See It.

When You Get To Your Third Millionth Frequent Flyer Mile, I Think Something Snaps In Your Brain.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Antenna On Your Truck Is A Danger To Low Flying Airplanes.

You Might Be A Redneck If Somebody Hollers Ho-down And Your Girlfriend Hits The Floor.

I Used To Say That Whenever People Heard My Southern Accent, They Always Wanted To Deduct 100 Iq Points.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Satellite Dish Payment Delays Buying School Clothes For The Kids.

As An Actor, There Was That Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Lights Or Marks Or Other People. It Was Just Going Out There And Having Fun With The Character.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Wants To Stop At The Gas Station To See If They've Got The New Darrell Waltrip Budweiser Wall Clock.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Worn A Dress That Is Strapless With A Bra That Isn't.

A Lot Of People Up North, They Think Everybody From The South Is Married To Their Sister And Has Seen A Ufo. I Told Them, 'i'm Just Dating My Sister And Couldn't Swear That It Wasn't A Weather Balloon.'

I Got My Wife A Mood Ring. It Works Real Good! When Shes In A Good Mood It Turns Blue, But When Shes In A Bad Mood Theres A Red Mark Across My Forehead

Country Music Is About New Love And It's About Old Love.

If You Have A Complete Set Of Salad Bowls And They All Say Kool Whip On The Side, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If Getting A Package From Your Post Office Requires A Full Tank Of Gas In The Truck.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Receptionist Checks The Rat Traps At Your Place Of Business.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Richest Member Of Your Family Bought A House And You Have To Help Take The Wheels Off Of It.

Louisiana Has The Best Food On The Planet If You Don't Really Ask Too Much About What You're Eating.

If Your Biggest Tax Deduction Was Bail Money, You Might Be A Redneck.

I Really Don't Require A Whole Lot In Life.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Pork And Beans To Be A Gourmet Food.

Little Girls Love Dolls. They Just Don't Love Dolls Clothes

I've Gotten To The Point I Won't Even Watch The 11 O'clock News. You Just Walk Away From It Thinking How Bad Everything Is.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Were Shooting Pool When Your Kids Were Born.

As A Comedian I Appreciate Every Kind Of Comedy. You Decide For Yourself What You're Going To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Favorite Hunting Dog Has A Bigger Tombstone Than Your Grandfather.

My Whole Career Can Be Summed Up With 'ignorance Is Bliss.' When You Do Not Know Better, You Do Not Really Worry About Failing.

It's Hard To Think Of Yourself As A Loser At 2 Years Old.

My Wife Is Like, You Finally Get Your Own Tv Show, You Can Have Any Kind Of Car You Want And You Get A Darned Truck. But My Brother And I Have The Same Kind Of Truck Now.

You Have To Change Those Diapers Every Day. When Those Directions On The Side Of The Pampers Box Say, 'holds 6-12 Pounds' They're Not Kidding!

I Turned Down A Movie This Summer Because It Was Nine Weeks In Vancouver And My Oldest Daughter Is 14. I've Got Four More Summers With Her. I'm Not Giving Away Nine Weeks Of Her Summer To Go Do A Silly Movie.

I'm Very Lucky In That I've Gotten To Do A Lot Of Things. But If You Ever Put A Gun To My Head And Said, "you Can Only Do One," I'd Think It Would Be Stand-up. I Think It's The Coolest Job In The World.

The Designated Driver Program, It's Not A Desirable Job. But If You Ever Get Sucked Into Doing It, Drop Them Off At The Wrong House.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandfather Completely Executes The Pull My Finger Trick At The Family Reunion.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Ufo Hotline Limits You To One Call A Day.

I Had To Perform At The White House For The President, That's Always Kind Of A Weird Set To Try To Put Together.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Dogs Name Is Miller Light

My Grandma's The Most Careful, Safe Driver In The World. You Put Her In A Rental Car, And She's Doing Doughnuts In The K-mart Parking Lot!

My Father-in-law Gets Up At 5 O'clock In The Morning And Watches The Discovery Channel. I Don't Know Why There's This Big Rush To Do This.

Redneck Is: The Glorious Absence Of Sophistication

If You Have Ever Spray-painted Your Girlfriends Name On An Overpass, You Might Be A Redneck.

This Happened To Me Last Week. We're In The Process Of Remodeling Our House; We've Been Doing It For A While Now. And We Have The Painters In, Putting Sheets Up Around The Furniture, You Know? And We Have A Piano, Just A Regular, Up Against The Wall Piano. One Of The Painters Said To Me, "is That Y'all's Piano?" I Said, "nah, That's Our Coffee Table, It Just Has Buckteeth! Here's Your Sign!

My Wife Is So Analytical With Raising Kids, And I Am Not. My Feeling Is If They Turn Out Good, Then That Means I Was A Good Daddy And Put A Lot Of Effort Into It. If They Turn Out Bad, It Means They Took After Her Side Of The Family.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you Think That John Deere Green, Ford Blue, And Primer Gray Are The Three Of The Primary Colors.

You Might Be A Redneck If There Are More Than Ten Lawsuits Currently Pending Against Your Dog.

You Might Be A Redneck If The First Words Out Of Your Mouth Every Time You See Friends Are Howdy!, Hey! Or How Y'all Doin'?

Every Generation Thinks They Invented Sex, Which Is The Stupidest Assumption In The World Because If That Was The Case, You Wouldn't Even Be Here.

Thank God I'm At That Point In My Career Where I Don't Have To Take Stuff That I Don't Really Want To Do.

Have You Ever Seen People So Ugly That You Have To Get Someone Else To Verify It?

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Refused To Watch The Academy Awards Since Smokey And The Bandit Was Snubbed For Best Picture.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Need One More Hole Punched In Your Card To Get A Freebie At The House Of Tattoos.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Handkerchief Doubles As Your Shirt Sleeve.

You Might Be A Redneck If Motel 6 Turns Off The Lights When They See You Coming.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Has A Beer Belly And You Find It Attractive.

If You've Ever Made Change In The Offering Plate, You Might Be A Redneck.

As An Individual, As A Household, You Can't Spend More Money Than You're Bringing In. You Can Do It For A Little While, But You End Up Going Broke And You End Up Losing Everything You Have. That Is The Path That We're On As A Country, And It Scares Me To Death.

Losing Everything

Buying A Used Rental Car Is Kind Of Like Going To A House Of Ill Repute Looking For A Wife. Anything That's Been Driven That Hard By That Many People, You Really Don't Want To Put Your Key In It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Grow Vidalia Onions, Rather Than Considering Them A Gourmet Item.

We Probably Stagnate Our Children's Emotional Growth By Not Letting Them Have Some Separation From Us.

Talking With Gary Busey Is Kinda Like Sex. You Want To Do It, You Just Don't Want To Be Alone When You Do It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Can Amuse Yourself For More Than An Hour With A Fly Swatter.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Tobacco Chewers In Your Family Aren't Just Men.

Kids Aren't Suppose To Have Cancer, They're Suppose To Have A Future.

You Might Be A Redneck If Taking Your Wife On A Cruise Means Circling The Dairy Queen.

I Know If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy.

If Your Working Television Sits On Top Of Your Non-working Television, You Might Be A Redneck.

I Notice My Wife When She's On The Phone With Her Friends, Man They Will Share Every Animate Details Of Their Lives With Each Other. See Men Once We Become Friends With Another Man We May Never Say Another Word To Him, Unless There's Valuable Information That Needs To Be Exchanged. Things Like "hey Jim, Your Shirt's On Fire."

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Good Tan To Be The Back Of Your Neck And The Left Arm Below The Shirt Sleeve.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Had To Remove A Toothpick For Wedding Pictures.

You Might Be A Redneck If Going To The Bathroom Involves Shoes And A Flashlight.

Ladies Have Come Up With All These Expressions To Reassure Men. "oh, Honey, It's Not The Size Of The Ship, It's The Motion Of The Ocean." That May Be True, But It Takes A Long Time To Get To England In A Rowboat.

The More Excited The Rooster Gets, The Higher His Voice Goes. He's Got A Little Bit Of A Barney Fife Quality To Him.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Picture Of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Or Elvis Over Your Fireplace.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Anniversary Present Was Getting The Septic Tank Pumped.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Use A Radiator Hose To Fix Your Kitchen Sink.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Beer Can Collection Is Considered A Tourist Attraction In Your Home Town.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Has Ever Been Asked To Leave A Bingo Game Because Of Her Language.

I Wish I Could Relate To The People I'm Related To.

You Might Be A Redneck If There Is A Sheet Hanging In Your Closet And A Gun Rack Hanging In Your Truck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Won't Stop At A Rest Area If You Have An Empty Beer Can In The Car.

If You Ahve Ever Unloaded Your Pickup By Backing Up Really Fast And Slamming On The Brakes, You Might Be A Redneck.

To Me, The Media In New York And La Have Always Missed The Essence Of This Country.

I Always Wore Cowboy Boots And Drove A Truck, And Talked Like This. So Everywhere I Would Go In Comedy People Would Say, "foxworthy, You Ain't Nothing But A Redneck From Georgia!" It Kind Of Became A Formula Joke.

Any Job That Posts A Price List For Your Body Parts Is A Bad Job.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Missed 5th Grade Graduation Because You Had Jury Duty.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Give Your Dad A Gallon Of Pepto-bismol For His Birthday.

That's Just Something Instinctual Within Men. We Always Feel Like We've Got To Protect Our Stuff. Even If It's Not Worth Protecting, We Want To Protect It. You Ever Seen People Who Have Like A Piece Of Crap Pinto With A Club On The Steering Wheel. Somebody Breaks The Window, Steals The Club, Leaves The Pinto In A Pile Of Glass.

People Would Say, Can We Develop A Sitcom Around You? And I Would Say, Not Interested. I'm Very Happy Doing Standup And Writing And Taking My Kids To School.

We're A Heart Attack Away From Losing The Right To Bear Arms.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Vehicle Has A Two-tone Paint Job - Primer Red And Primer Gray.

Nothing In Life Prepares You To Be Famous.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

The Thing About That Singles Apartment Is You Never Had To Clean It Up... Until The Day You Got The Security Deposit Back. You're Arguing With The Landlord... 'no Sir, The Back Door Was Missing When We Moved In Here! The Pizzas Were Always On The Ceiling!'

You Might Be A Redneck If You Prominently Display A Gift You Bought At Graceland.

If Your Neighbors Think You're A Detective Because A Cop Always Brings You Home, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Dated Your Daddy's Current Wife In High School.

Did You Know Babies Are Nauseated By The Smell Of A Clean Shirt?

If Your Thighs Look Like The Hood Of A White Toyota Minivan After A Hailstorm, You Aren't Juicy.

Being A Comedian, People Tell Me Stuff They Shouldn't Tell Their Therapist.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Can't Get Married To Your Sweetheart Because There Is A Law Against It.

As A Comic, You Learn To Use Your Voice Because You Don't Have The Benefit Of Visual Things.

You Can Call Us Rednecks If You Want. We're Not Offended, 'cause We Know What We're All About. We Get Up And Go To Work, We Get Up And Go To Church, And We Get Up And Go To War When Necessary.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Work With A Shirt Off... And So Does Your Husband.

I Would Love For Someone To Offer Me A Serious Part In Something. I Don't Know If I Could Even Pull It Off, But I Would Like To Be The Cowboy That Rides Off And Someone Shoots Him Off The Horse In The Middle Of Town. Just A Serious Role. It Wouldn't Have To Be A Big One.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Coffee Table Used To Be A Telephone Cable Spool.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Saved Lots Of Money On Your Honeymoon By Going Deer Hunting.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Color Coordinating Rope That Ties Down Your Car Hood.

Watching A Baby Being Born Is A Little Like Watching A Wet St. Bernard Coming In Through The Cat Door.

[about Sex And Being Married] It's Like Being The National Guard, We May Not Be Seeing As Much Action As The Front Line, But We Are Living To Fight Another Day.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Your License Plate Personalized Because Your Dad Made It In Prison.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Birth Announcement Included The Word Rug Rat.

If Most People Wanted To Be Incognito, They Put On A Fake Beard Or Mustache. If I Wanted To I'd Just Shave Mine Off.

I Talked To Larry The Cable Guy The Other Day. Larry's Made More Money Than 10 People Should Ever Make In A Lifetime. He Was Excited Because He'd Gone Over To The Livestock Auction And Bought 20 New Feeder Pigs.

I Think With A Comedian, When You Get To The Point Of A Greatest Hits, It's Kind Of An Acknowledgment That You've Been Doing Stand-up A Long Time, Which Not Very Many People Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Classes At School Were Cancelled Because The Path To The Restroom Was Flooded.

You Might Be A Redneck If Every Electrical Outlet In Your House Is A Fire Hazard.

If You Can't Remember The Last Time You Had Sex With A Woman, You're Either Gay, Or Married.

You Might Be A Redneck If More Than One Living Relative Is Named After A Southern Civil War General.

If Your Stomach Blocks Your View Of Your Feet, Cover It Up! The Only People Who Should Be Wearing Belly Shirts Are People Who Don't Have Bellies. Now Those Little Baby Spare Tires Are Kinda Cute; Tractor Tires Aren't! Especially If They've Got Hair On Them!

In My Life, I Have Driven Some Crappy Vehicles. But I Have Never Been So Desperate For A Vehicle That I Wanted A Used Rental Car.

I Have Never Been Jealous. Not Even When My Dad Finished Fifth Grade A Year Before I Did.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're Still Scalping Tickets After The Concert Is Over.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Parakeet Knows The Phrase Open Up, Police!

Little Girls Love Dolls. They Just Don't Love Doll Clothes. We've Got Four Thousand Dolls And Ain't One Of Them Got A Stitch Of Clothes On.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Started A Petition To Change The National Anthem To Georgia On My Mind.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you've Been On Tv More Than Times Describing The Sound Of A Tornado.

You Know That You Are A Teacher When You Spend More Money On School Stuff Than You Do On Your Own Children.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stared At A Can Of Orange Juice Because It Said Concentrate.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your House Doesn't Have Curtains, But Your Truck Does.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think The O.j. Trial Was The Big Sunkist And Minutemaid Taste Test.

It's Sad When You See Somebody That Talented That Passes Away And Doesn't Have To.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Celebrate Groundhog Day Because You Believe In It.

The Only Negative About Doing Stand-up Is That You're On The Road By Yourself. When You're On The Road With Comics We Just Crack Each Other Up Every Night Going, "can You Believe They're Paying Us To Do This? They're Crazy.

You Might Be A Redneck If During Your Senior Year You And Your Mother Had Homeroom Together.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think The Mountain Men In Deliverance Were Just Misunderstood.

We Sing About God Because We Believe In Him. We Are Not Trying To Offend Anybody, But The Evidence That We Have Seen Of Him In Our Small Little Lives Trumps Your Opinion About Whether Or Not He Exists.

You Know You're A Redneck If Your Home Has Wheels And Your Car Doesn't.

I'm An Outdoor Nut. If I'm Not Working, I'm On A Tractor On My Farm, Hunting, Fishing Or Climbing A Mountain.

When I Did The Sitcom I Was Too Naive. I Thought, Well, They Know What They're Talking About, Let's Do That.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Would Rather Go The Racetrack Than The Kennedy Center.

It's Like Cuddling With A Butterball Turkey.

If Your Idea Of A 7 Course Meal Is A Bucket Of Kfc And A Sixpack, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Are Still Holding On To Confederate Money Because You Think The South Will Rise Again.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Pocketknife Has Ever Been Referred To As Exhibit A.

You Might Be A Redneck If When You Leave Your House, You Are Followed By Federal Agents Of The Bureau Of Alcohol Tobacco And Firearms, And The Only Thing You Worry About Is If You Can Lose Them Or Not.

For The First Time Ever I Was Taking The Family On The Road. We Stayed With My In-laws, Which On Life's List Of Experiences Ranks Right Below Sitting In A Tub Full Of Scissors.

It's A Weird Sensation To Be Mad And Learning At The Same Time.

Pride Is The First Step In People Unraveling And Companies Unraveling And Relationships Unraveling.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Can Correctly Execute The Sleeper Hold.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Six-pack And A Bug-zapper High-quality Entertainment.

If Your Wife's Hairdo Has Ever Been Ruined By A Ceiling Fan, You Might Be A Redneck.

Sacrificing Myself To Kill Hilary Clinton Was The Best Thing I Could Possibly Do For Humanity

Do You Know Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder? 'cause There's No Dental Records And All The Dna Is The Same.

You Might Be A Redneck If...the Most Serious Loss From The Earthquake Was Your Conway Twitty Record Collection.

If You Think Fast Food Is Hittin A Deer Att 65 Miles Per Hr.. You Might Be A Redneck

You Break Into My House, I Will Shoot You. My Wife Will Shoot You And Then Spend Thirty Minutes Telling You Why She Shot You.

What I Hated Was Doing What Somebody In La Thought Jeff Foxworthy Ought To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Keep A Fly Swatter In The Front Seat Of The Car So You Can Reach Your Kids In The Back Seat Of The Car.

I Was Talking To Alan Jackson. He Had His Second Greatest Hits Album. He Said, You Don't Ever Get Into This Really Thinking You're Gonna Make It.

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Had A 900-pound Television On Top Of A Tv Tray. My Dad's Theory Was, 'let Him Pull It Over His Head A Few Times, He'll Learn.'

You Might Be A Redneck If Taking A Dip Has Nothing To Do With Water.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Best Way To Keep Things Cold Is To Leave'em In The Shade.

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