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Yesterday The Supreme Court Lifted The Ban On Same-sex Marriage In Kansas. They Didn't Give A Reason For The Ruling, But Then Again When A State Is Famous For A Judy Garland Musical About A Rainbow And A Wizard Who Comes Out Of A Closet, Do You Really Need An Excuse?

-Jimmy Fallon

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Yesterday The Supreme Court

Jimmy Fallon

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Yesterday The Supreme Court Lifted The Ban On Same-sex Marriage In Kansas. They Didn't Give A Reason For The Ruling, But Then Again When A State Is Famous For A Judy Garland Musical About A Rainbow And A Wizard Who Comes Out Of A Closet, Do You Really Need An Excuse?

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London Olympics

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Listening Is More Important Than Talking. Just Hit Your Mark And Believe What You Say. Just Listen To People And React To What They Are Saying.

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I Like Doing Energetic Things.

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When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or People Who Makes Ballon Animals, I Think Of Their Relatives And How Disappointed They Must Be.

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A New Report Claims That William Shakespeare Was A Marijuana User And May Have Been High When He Wrote Some Of His Plays. Which Explains That One Line: 'to Be, Or Not To Be . . . Wait, What Was The Question?'

Got Bin Laden And Interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win For Obama All Around.

A New Poll Also Shows That A Majority Of People In Colorado Think Hillary Clinton Is Not Trustworthy. Although, That's Not Saying Much Coming From The Most Paranoid State In America. 'hillary Clinton? She's A Cop?'

Live Your Life By Doing Activities That Are Beneficial

It's Being Reported That Google Spent Over $5 Million On Lobbying Just During The First Quarter Of This Year. You'd Think Google Wouldn't Really Need To Lobby Politicians. All They Have To Say Is, 'we Have Your Search History. Do What We Tell You.'

Trump Is Running For President And He's Wasting No Time Getting Down To Business. In Fact, Just After His Announcement He Demanded To See Jeb Bush's Birth Certificate.

The Illinois Senate Passed A Bill On Wednesday To Legalize Medical Marijuana. The Bill Was Passed After The State Senator Said, 'come On, Dude, Pass It. Come On.'

A Major Iowa Newspaper Published An Op-ed Against Trump Calling Him A 'self-absorbed, Wholly Unqualified Feckless Blowhard.' Or As Trump Put It, 'you Forgot Very Rich ... I'm A Very Rich, Self-absorbed, Wholly Unqualified Feckless Blowhard. Very, Very Rich.'

In New York, There Are So Many Potholes, They're Like Craters On The Moon. That's Another Traffic Thing.

If You're Going To Do A Chris Christie Joke, Just Say, 'christie Spent $82,000 At A Concession Stand At Metlife Stadium. Then He Turned To His Friends And Said, 'you Guys Want Anything?'' That's A Joke. I Can't Believe It. I Caved In. I Feel Awful.

A New Poll Found That 43 Percent Of Americans Think President Obama Is Doing A Good Job At Handling The Bp Oil Spill. Of Course, The Same Poll Found That 43 Percent Of Americans Hate Pelicans.

Hillary Clinton Is Receiving Criticism After Telling A Crowd To 'unlock Their Full Potential,' Because That Line Is Commonly Used By Another Possible Candidate, Carly Fiorina. People Said, 'you Can't Just Steal Someone's Slogan Like That!' And Hillary Said, 'yes We Can!'

Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Announced That He's Endorsing Mitt Romney For President. It's Good News For Romney. I Mean, You Always Want Chris Christie On Your Side. Unless You're In A Canoe.

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Democrats Have Been Doing Everything They Can To Get Young People And College Students To Vote In The Midterms. Though If You Want Students To Participate In Something, Maybe You Shouldn't Call Them Midterms.

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Shepard Fairey, The Street Artist Responsible For President Obama's 'hope' Poster, Is Now Facing Vandalism Charges In Detroit. It's Pretty Serious. Detroit Officials Say The Artist's Spray Paint Caused Over $9,000 Worth Of Improvements.

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There Are Reports That Leaders From Isis And Al-qaida Met At A Farm House In Syria Last Week, And Agreed To Work Together Against Their Common Enemies. That Story Again: Two Radical Terrorist Groups Managed To Do What Two American Political Parties Cannot.

John Mccain Responded To Critics Who Say He's Too Old For A Sixth Term By Saying That His Mother Is 103 Years Old And Doing Well. The Crazy Thing Is That Even She Is Somehow Younger Than John Mccain.

My Parents Were Kind Of Over Protective People. Me And My Sister Had To Play In The Backyard All The Time. They Bought Us Bikes For Christmas But Wouldn't Let Us Ride In The Street, We Had To Ride In The Backyard. Another Christmas, My Dad Got Me A Basketball Hoop And Put It In The Middle Of The Lawn! You Can't Dribble On Grass.

One Of The Candidates At The Early Gop Debate, George Pataki, Said His Routine Before Every Debate Is To Drink A Diet Lemon Snapple Iced Tea And Pray. Which Is Also The Advice Chris Christie Gets From His Doctor.

Tomorrow President Obama Will Host Nascar Racing Champion Kevin Harvick At The White House. They Both Said They Look Forward To Spending An Hour Or Two Not Having The Slightest Interest In What The Other Is Saying.

President Obama Has Reduced The Sentences Of 22 Federal Prisoners Who Were Arrested For Drug-related Crimes - Eight Of Whom Were Serving Life Sentences. It Marks The First Time Someone Has Said 'thanks Obama' But Actually Meant It.

You Gotta Risk It To Get The Biscuit.

According To A New Poll, Republicans Are More Likely To Have A Doughnut For Breakfast, While Democrats Prefer To Eat Bagels And Croissants. While Independents Are That Annoying Friend Who's Still Looking At The Menu After 15 Minutes.

Sources Say The Obama Administration Is In The 'final Stages' Of Planning The Closing Of Guantanamo Bay. The Way It's Gonna Work Is, They're Going To Put A Radio Shack Sign Out Front And Let Nature Take Its Course.

During An Interview, Former President George W. Bush Discussed His Painting Hobby And Said, 'never Paint Your Wife Or Your Mother.' Then He Added, 'because It's Almost Impossible To Get The Paint Out Of Their Hair.'

The One Thing You Shouldn't Do Is Try To Tell A Cab Driver How To Get Somewhere.

Vladimir Putin Bribed A Soccer Official With A Picasso Painting So He Would Support Russia's Bid To Host The 2018 World Cup. Putin Was Like, 'it Wasn't Picasso, Just Picture Of What His Face Would Look Like If He Said No.' (nose Over Here, Eye Up Here, Ear In Forehead.)

In A New Campaign Ad, Jeb Bush Referenced 'the Godfather' And Said His Nickname Used To Be 'veto Corleone' Because He Vetoed So Many Bills In Florida. When You're The Third Person In Your Family To Run For President, Maybe You Shouldn't Bring Up A Movie Trilogy Where The Third One Was Clearly The Worst.

I Wanted To Be The Next Dana Carvey. This Was My Ultimate Goal. If I Ever Cut Into A Birthday Cake And Made A Wish, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.' If I Threw A Coin Into A Fountain, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.' If I Saw A Shooting Star, I Would Wish To Be On 'saturday Night Live.'

Starbucks Is Planning To Close Down All The Restrooms In Its New York Locations. Which Explains The Most Popular New Starbucks Order: An Empty Cup.

Lincoln Chafee, Former Governor Of Rhode Island, Announced He's Running For President. Before He Announced He's Running, His Wife Went On Facebook And Asked His Staff If They Remembered His Password. Because If A Facebook Password Is Too Hard To Remember, The Launch Codes For The Nukes Should Be A Piece Of Cake.

Mitt Romney Will Travel To London Where He Will Attend The Olympics Opening Ceremony. Of Course It's Going Ot Be Weird When They're Announcing All The Countries, And He's Like 'got A Bank Account There, Got One There, Two Bank Accounts There.'

London Olympics

Politics Is Pop. Our Job As Comedians - Especially Me, As A Late-night Talk Show, Which Is A Broader Audience - Is To Amplify What We Think America Is Thinking.

Many Believe That Hillary Clinton Was Channeling President Obama During Her Recent Speech In New York City. She Focused On Equality, Justice, And How Hard It Was For Her Growing Up As A Young Black Man In Hawaii.

Yesterday President Obama Traveled To Jamaica, Where He Will Meet With Students And Caribbean Leaders. Jamaica's Such A Beautiful Place, Obama Says He Can't Wait To Just Take It All In, Hold It For Several Seconds, And Then Exhale.

I, Of Course, Wanted To Do Something With Drew Barrymore. Please. So We Were Reading Scripts Back And Forth And Then We Found This Script, Fever Pitch...

Jeb Bush Gave A Speech Yesterday. He Had A Pretty Rough Time. He Accidentally Said That Isis Has 200,000 Men Instead Of 20,000, And Then He Mispronounced The Name Of The Terrorist Group Boko Haram. So If History Has Taught Us Anything, Jeb Is Well On His Way To Winning The White House.

It Seems Like Everybody's Weighing In On Trumps Campaign - Even Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban. He Said That Trump Is 'probably The Best Thing To Happen To Politics In A Long, Long Time.' Then Trump Was Like, 'well, At Least One Cuban Loves Me.'

Thinking About All That - What It Means To Be Happy - I Think It Overloaded Your Brain.

A Recent Study Found That People Lie More When They Are Texting. Yeah, Especially That One Lie: "sorry, Just Got Your Text!

Department Store Santas Are Apparently Being Trained To Lower Children's Expectations About Toys Because Of The Recession. Yeah, It's Weird When You Ask Santa For A Train Set And He's Like, 'yeah, How 'bout A Bus Token?

I Saw That Donald Trump Is Selling His Penthouse Suite At The Trump Park Avenue Building Here In New York City For $21 Million. When Asked Why He's Selling It Now, Trump Said 'hey, Americans Seem To Be Buying Everything Else I'm Selling, So Why Not Strike While The Iron's Hot.'

Hurricane Irene ... The Storm Was Huge News. In Fact, The Weather Channel Reported Something They Haven't Seen In Years. Viewers.

According To A New Study, The Marijuana In Colorado Is Almost Twice As Strong As It Was 20 Years Ago. Of Course, People Had Some Questions For The Scientists, Like 'how Can I Get Your Job?'

This Morning My Dad Called Me Up And Said, 'so, Tonight's Your Last Show, Huh.' And I Said, 'no, Dad, That's Someone Else.'

Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg Apparently Called President Obama Directly To Complain About Nsa And How It Spies On Ordinary Americans. That's Right, The Guy Who Runs Facebook Got Mad At The Nsa For Spying On People. Talk About The Pot Unfriending The Kettle!

In Pakistan Anti-american Protesters Set A Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant On Fire. The Protesters Mistakenly Thought They Were Attacking High-ranking U.s. Military Official Colonel Sanders.

We Have A Really, Really Great Dog. It Doesn't Bark. My Dog Almost Smiles, Which Is Weird. He's Just A Very Happy Dog.

No-one Gets Beaten To Death Quite Like Hilary Swank

The White House Is Worried About Joe Biden's Potential Run For President, And A Source Says They Fear That It Wouldn't Have The Right Outcome. That's Right, They Think He Might Win.

John Walker Lindh, A Twenty-year-old American Studying In Pakistan, Was Captured In Northern Afghanistan Fighting For The Taliban. Experts Call It The Worst Semester Abroad Program Ever.

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