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We Cannot Afford To Settle For Being Just Average; We Must Learn As Much As We Can To Be The Best That We Can. The Key Word Is Education - Education With Maximum Effort. Without It, We Cannot Be In Charge Of Ourselves Or Anyone Else.

-Bill Cosby

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We Cannot Afford To

Bill Cosby

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We Cannot Afford To Settle For Being Just Average; We Must Learn As Much As We Can To Be The Best That We Can. The Key Word Is Education - Education With Maximum Effort. Without It, We Cannot Be In Charge Of Ourselves Or Anyone Else.

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When I Was A Boy If A Girl Got Pregnant The Shame Was Placed On Her And The Boy Could Get Away.

It's Painful, But We Can't Heal Ourselves Unless We Cleanse The Wounds.

My Wife And I Have Five Children And The Reason Why We Have Five Children Is Because We Do Not Want Six.

A Father Has To Do Everything In His Power To Keep A Tight Ship, Even Though He Knows The Crew Would Like To Send Him Away In A Dinghy.

No Matter What You Think-life Goes On And The World Still Turns And The Universe Has Its Own Story. The Most We Can Do Is Plan Anyway, But Understand, Be Humbled By Things Greater Than Ourselves.

It Doesn't Make Any Difference How Much Money A Father Earns, His Name Is Always Dad-can-i.... Like All Other Children, My Five Have One Great Talent: They Are Gifted Beggars. Not One Of Them Ever Ran Into The Room, Looked Up At Me, And Said, "i'm Really Happy That You're My Father, And As A Tangible Token Of My Appreciation, Here's A Dollar.

Nothing Separates The Generations More Than Music. By The Time A Child Is Eight Or Nine, He Has Developed A Passion For His Own Music That Is Even Stronger Than His Passions For Procrastination And Weird Clothes.

The Childless Experts On Child Raising Also Bring Tears Of Laughter To My Eyes When They Say, I Love Children Because They're So Honest. There Is Not An Agent In The Cia Or The Kgb Who Knows How To Conceal The Theft Of Food, How To Fake Being Asleep, Or How To Forge A Parent's Signature Like A Child.

In My Old Neighborhood, A Boy Stopped Playing When He Began To Lose His Pulse. And Then He Became The Referee.

Old Neighborhood

All Children Have Brain Damage!

As A Comedian, I Can Walk Out In Front Of 5000 People And Not Worry About A Thing. Not A Thing, Believe Me. But To Stand Up A Face A Camera And Crew Of Maybe 15 Guys And Get Up Tight About It - To Me That's Weird.

Every Closed Eye Is Not Sleeping, And Every Open Eye Is Not Seeing.

Why Do I Have To Feed The Kids? They Just Ate Twelve Hours Ago!

Fathers Are The Geniuses Of The House Because Only A Person As Intelligent As We Could Fake Such Stupidity.

My Father Walked To School 4 O'clock Every Morning With No Shoes On, Uphill, Both Ways, In 5 Feet Of Snow And He Was Thankful.

Fatherhood Is Asking Your Son To Make Up A Name Rather Than Tell Anybody Who He Is.

Gray Hair Is God's Graffiti.

I've Got A Ferrari. Vroom! I Do 104 From The Garage To The Front Door.

I Don't Think You Can Bring The Races Together By Joking About The Differences Between Them. I'd Rather Talk About The Similarities, About What's Universal In Their Experiences.

Now, Richard Pryor Was Unique. Many Misunderstood His Humor. He Lit Up The Hallway, But They Didn't Understand His Use Of Profanity. He Didn't Use It Just To Be Using It; He Used It In The Context Of His Satire.

There Is Hope For The Future Because God Has A Sense Of Humor And We Are Funny To God.

That Married Couples Can Live Together Day After Day Is A Miracle That The Vatican Has Overlooked.

Cute Relationship

It Isn't A Matter Of Black Is Beautiful As Much As It Is White Is Not All That's Beautiful.

Fatherhood Is Helping Your Children Learn English As A Foreign Language.

Why Do Kids Always Say Peace Out, I Though Peace Was In.

Education Happens To Be Something That All People, All Cultures, Need To Embrace. Math, Science, The Words Of The World. To Be Able To Speak And Be Able To Have Clarity And To Be Able To Think. Those Are The Greatest Of Gifts.

I Am Not Afraid Of Crashing, My Secret Is . . . Just Before We Hit The Ground, I Jump As High As I Can.

If You Have No Faith, You've Lost Your Battle.

Any Husband Who Says, "my Wife And I Are Completely Equal Partners," Is Talking About Either A Law Firm Or A Hand Of Bridge.

Civilization Had Too Many Rules For Me, So I Did My Best To Rewrite Them.

Never Say [to Younger People] "that Was Before Your Time," Because The Last Full Moon Was Before Their Time!

I Want To Get Violence - I Want Schools To Start From K Through 12 To Just Every Day Have Teachers Understand That They Don't Want To Talk About Anything That Is Violent, And They Want To Explain To The Children How Bad Violence Is And How Behavior - Violent Behavior, Is Something That They Really Should Not Practice And Think About.

If You Took Your Child To The Dentist And Check For Cavities, The Child Likely Won't Get Them. If You Take Them Just For Emergency, That's All They're Gonna Get.

Is The Glass Half Full, Or Half Empty? It Depends On Whether You're Pouring, Or Drinking.

I Didn't Know How Serious It Is To A Female That You Lift The Lid.

In Spite Of The Seven Thousand Books Of Expert Advice, The Right Way To Disciplne A Child Is Still A Mystery To Most Fathers And...mothers Only Your Grandmother And Genghis Khan Know How To Do It.

Sex Education May Be A Good Idea In The Schools, But I Don't Believe The Kids Should Be Given Homework.

"and Tired" Always Followed Sick. Worst Beating I Ever Got In My Life, My Mother Said, "i Am Just Sick..." And I Said, "and Tired." I Don't Remember Anything After That.

It's More Blessed To Give Than To Receive - Especially Kittens.

When I Decided That I Wanted To Go To College, I Wanted To Be A School Teacher For 7th And 8th Grade Boys Because I Felt That Was An Important Time For Them. I Had Gone Astray At That Point In My Life And Really Wanted To Help Keep Them From Making The Same Mistake I Had Made.

Parents Are People Who Yell And They Yell And They Yell And They Yell. And You Already Have The Point... And They're Still Yelling.

A Sail Boat That Sails Backwards Can Never See The Sun Rise.

If You Know Two Languages, The Level Of Your Intelligence Is Multiplied A Hundredfold In Other People's Eyes.

And So The Dentist Says 'rinse.' So You Lean Over, And You're Lookin' At This Miniature Toilet Bowl.

My Father Would Pass Gas And Then Blame It On Imaginary Animals.

I’m Supposed To Figure Out If The Glass Is Half Full Or Half Empty,” I Told Her. Without A Moment’s Hesitation, In A Split Second, My Grandmother Shrugged And Said: “it Depends On If You’re Drinking Or Pouring.

Listen To John Coltrane Enough And After Two Bars, Just Two Bars At Any Place, And You Know That's Him. We All Have Signature Things That Happen To Be Similar That You Can Predict And You Try To Stay Away From That Except The Rhythms: Those Pauses, They're Part Of My Signature, The Part Where I Know When I Say Nothing, I Already Painted Enough, Led Enough And I Don't Even Have To Say Anything. But Those Pauses Don't Belong To Me. Jack Benny Was One Of The First Guys In Comedy To Make The Anticipation So Great That During The Pause People Start To Laugh Before The Execution.

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I Am Certainly Not An Authority On Love Because There Are No Authorities On Love, Just Those Who've Had Luck With It And Those Who Haven't.

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Whenever Your Kids Are Out Of Control, You Can Take Comfort From The Thought That Even God's Omnipotence Did Not Extend To His Kids.

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But If That's What You Want To Be, That's What You Will Be - As Long As You Study.

People Should Fact Check. People Shouldn’t Have To Go Through That And Shouldn’t Answer To Innuendos.

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That's Why Ears Have Cartilage, To Keep Them From Flapping.

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You People Are Not Prepared. You Are Well Educated And You Look Cute, But That's Not Going To Cut It.

You Know The Only People Who Are Always Sure About The Proper Way To Raise Children? Those Who've Never Had Any.

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I'm Going Out... Because I Deserve To Go Out! And I'm Going To Get Drunk... Because I Deserve To Get Drunk! And Get Out Of My Way!

If The Audience Knows You Can Be Funny When You Want To Be, They Will Be Willing To Wait For That Payoff.

People Say "god Will Find A Way." God Can't Find A Way If You're In The Way.

I Know People Are Tired Of Me Not Saying Anything, But A Guy Doesn't Have To Answer To Innuendos.

It Is A Warning, Godspeed. It Means You Are No Longer Welcome Here At These Prices.

My Dad Came Over To The House... Went Into His Pocket And Pulled Out A Handful Of Money, And Began To Pass It Out To The Children... This Was The Same Man Who, When I Was His Child, I Would Ask Him For 50 Cents, This Man Would Tell Me His Life's Story.

...it Was The Arts, Those Noble Expressions Of The Human Spirit That Are Communicated Through Literature, Dance, Song, Film, Drama, Painting And Sculpture, Among The Many Other Such Creative Means, That Helped Articulate The Sufferings Of [these] People That Were Heard Around The Globe.

My Wife Was A Beautiful Woman Before We Had Children.

Today's Parents Grew Up With The Silly Notion That Music Was Meant To Be Heard.

A White Person Listens To My Act And He Laughs And He Thinks, 'yeah, That's The Way I See It Too.' Okay. He's White. I'm Negro. And We Both See Things The Same Way. That Must Mean That We Are Alike..... So I Figure I'm Doing As Much For Good Race Relations As The Next Guy.

In Order To Succeed, Your Desire For Success Should Be Greater Than Your Fear Of Failure.

There Should Be Marches In Every Neighborhood Every Day Telling The People About The Negativity Of Drugs And How The Drugs Help Us To Behave Negatively.

Fatherhood Is Telling Your Daughter That Michael Jackson Loves All His Fans, But Has Special Feelings For The Ones Who Eat Broccoli.

And To Those People With No Children But Who Think They'd Like To Have Them Some Day To Fulfill Their Lives. Remember: With Fulfillment Comes Responsibility.

It Is Not A Matter Of Who Is Rejecting Me, As Much As It Is Somebody May Get It, And I Am Going To Keep Plowing Through It Because In This World Of Education, There Is A Harvest.

Man Can Not Live By Bread Alone ... He Must Have Peanut Butter.

Every Romance Does Not Lead To Sex.

This Happened To The People. The Constitution Says Of The People, By The People, For The People... But The People Who Got The Office, Got Into Office And Forgot About The People.

You Are A Genius!... And I Am A Genius Because I Married You.

I Was A Physical Education Major With A Child Psychology Minor At Temple, Which Means If You Ask Me A Question About A Child's Behavior, I Will Advise You To Tell The Child To Take A Lap.

The Summit, Which Is Set Up To Educate People About Managing Their Money And Protecting Their Income, Leads To Empowerment Of Self, For Which This Summit Needs To Be Applauded.

If You Speak Your Mind And If It Is True What You're Saying, Then I Think The Integrity Of What You're Saying Carries Through.

Speak Your Mind

I Think You Need To Make Responsibility Something That's Not Just A Word.

My Eleven Year Old Daughter Mopes Around The House All Day Waiting For Her Breasts To Grow.

I'm A Christian. But Muslims Are Misunderstood. Intentionally Misunderstood. We Should All Be More Like Them.

When My Son Was Murdered People Asked Me How I Felt About God And What Had Happened To My Son. I Said "no, You Can't Go There. You Have To Understand That There Is A Devil And He Works 24/7. Whoever Murdered Our Son Was With The Devil."

You Can Turn Painful Situations Around Through Laughter. If You Can Find Humor In Anything, Even Poverty, You Can Survive It.

You Also Notice That The Right Side Of Your Face Feels Like It's Sliding Off Of Your Skull. And Your Bottom Lip Is In Your Lap!

The Only Thing That You Can Get Into Without A Lot Of Trouble Is A Lot Of Trouble.

I Think The Part Of Media That Romanticizes Criminal Behavior, Things That A Person Will Say Against Women, Profanity, Being Gangster, Having Multiple Children With Multiple Men And Women And Not Wanting To Is Prevalent. When You Look At The Majority Of Shows On Television They Placate That Kind Of Behavior. If You Go Through A Weekly Monday Through Friday, It's All There. It's In How People On The Sitcoms And Cop Shows Talk To Each Other.

These People Marched And Were Hit In The Face With Rocks To Get An Education And Now We've Got These Knuckleheads Walking Round.

'don't Worry About Senility', My Grandfather Used To Say.

In Spite Of The Six Thousand Manuals On Child Raising In The Bookstores, Child Raising Is Still A Dark Continent And No One Really Knows Anything. You Just Need A Lot Of Love And Luck - And, Of Course, Courage.

There Should Be More On Television That Uplifts People And Shows Them How To Better Prepare Themselves For Earning A Living. There Still Aren't Enough People That Say "this Should Not Be." We Just Let It Go. We Need To Raise A Loud Voice About Our Fellow Human Beings.

Nobody Ever Says, "can I Have Your Beets?

I Feel That In-person Contact With People Is The Most Important Thing In Comedy. While I'm Up On Stage, I Can Actually Put Myself Into The Audience And Adjust My Pace And Tuning To Them. I Can Get Into Their Heads Through Their Ears And Through Their Eyes. Only Through This Total Communication Can I Really Achieve What I'm Trying To Do.

A Baseball Manager Has Learned A Lot About His Job From Having Played The Game, But A Parent Has Not Learned A Thing From Having Once Been A Child.

Emotionally, A Person Can Become So Negatively Driven That They Don't Respect The Privilege Of Being On This Earth Without Their Mother And Their Father. They May Say It Doesn't Bother Them, But There Is Something In Us About Those Who Are A Biological Part Of Us And Don't Care. People In That Situation Stop Hearing The Other Voices That Love Them, Hold Them, Trust Them And Tells Them How Great They Are. They're Focused On That One Person Who Isn't Answering Them.

Public Education Is A Good Foundation On Which To Build A Better Life For Each Of Us. And If We Want To Prove To These Children Who Never Made The Mess In The First Place That Education Is Worth The Trouble, Our Schools Have To Inspire Them So They Can Do What They Ought To Do.

Guys Standing Around And Talking About Spanish Fly: 'you Know Anything About Spanish Fly?' 'no, Tell Me About It.' Well There's This Girl Crazy Mary, You Put Some In Her Drink Man, She, 'haaaaaaaaaaaaah.' Oh Yeah, That's Really Groovy Man, Spanish Fly Is Groovy, Yeah. From Then On, Any Time You See A Girl: 'wish I Had Some Spanish Fly.' Go To A Party See Five Girls Standing Alone: 'boy If I Had A Whole Jug Of Spanish Fly, I'd Light That Corner Up Over There. Haaaaaah.'

You Can't Be Everything To Everyone

Everything Happens For A Reason

A New Father Quickly Learns That His Child Invariably Comes To The Bathroom At Precisely The Times When He's In There, As If He Needed Company. The Only Way For This Father To Be Certain Of Bathroom Privacy Is To Shave At The Gas Station.

I Can't Even Talk The Way These People Talk. 'why You Ain't?' 'where You Is?' Everybody Knows It's Important To Speak English Except These Knuckleheads. You Can't Be A Doctor With That Kind Of Crap Coming Out Of Your Mouth.

The First Time I Came Across The Birds And The Bees In Actual Flight, I Couldn't Identify The Formation.

Fatherhood Is Pretending The Present You Love Most Is Soap-on-a-rope.

I Once Asked My Father For A Dollar For The School Picnic. He Told Me How He Once Killed A Grizzly Bear With His Loose-leaf Notebook.

The Wisest Married Men Give In Early. They Get In Touch With The Wife Side Of Themselves, And That's When They Stop Arguing.

There Is No Labor A Person Does That Is Undignified; If They Do It Right.

Intellectuals Are People Who Go To Study Things Other People Do Naturally.

Repeat After Me. I Promise Not To Run Outside Of The House. I Promise Not To Run Inside Of The House. I Promise Not To Touch, Pick Up, Step On, Anything That Looks Interesting.

I Don't Have A Clue About The Way To Achievement, However The Way To Disappointment Is Attempting To Please Everyone.

I Didn't Like What Was On Tv In Terms Of Sitcomsit Had Nothing To Do With The Color Of Themi Just Didn't Like Any Of Them. I Saw Little Kids, Let's Say 6 Or 7 Years Old, White Kids, Black Kids. And The Way They Were Addressing The Father Or The Mother, The Writers Had Turned Things Around, So The Little Children Were Smarter Than The Parent Or The Caregiver. They Were Just Not Funny To Me. I Felt That It Was Manipulative And The Audience Was Looking At Something That Had No Responsibility To The Family.

In Spite Of What Thomas Jefferson Wrote, All Men May Be Created Equal, But Not To All Women.

When You're A Father You Censor Yourself. You Get Just As Angry With A Child But You Don't Want To Say, "what The Filth And Foul And I'll Filth And Foul, Filth And Foul And, Yeah, Ya Filth And Foul Face, And I'll Filth And Foul, Foul, Filth!" You Don't Want To Say That To A Child So You Censor Yourself And You Sound Like An Idiot: "what The... Get Your... I'll Put A... Get Out Of My Face!"

Let Me Say This: I Only Expect The Black Media To Uphold The Standards Of Excellence In Journalism And When You Do That, You Have To Go In With A Neutral Mind.

My Feeling Is, Personally, I Want To Die First... Because I Believe That When You Die, Your Soul Goes Immediately Up For Judgment - And I Don't Want My Wife Up There First. No, The Judgment Will Be Horrendous.

I Said To A Guy, "tell Me, What Is It About Cocaine That Makes It So Wonderful," And He Said, "because It Intensifies Your Personality." I Said, "yes, But What If You're An Asshole?"

Now, This Is The Fun Part About Getting Stoned. They Get Stoned, Then They Become Paranoid. Now, When They Started Out, They Said, "let's Get High And Have Fun." So They're High; Now They're Paranoid. "am I Falling Out Of This Chair?"

A Father... Knows Exactly What Those Boys At The Mall Have In Their Depraved Little Minds Because He Once Owned Such A Depraved Little Mind Himself. In Fact, If He Thinks Enough About The Plans That He Used To Have For Young Girls, The Father Not Only Will Support His Wife In Keeping Their Daughter Home But He Might Even Run Over To The Mall And Have A Few Of Those Boys Arrested.

The Essence Of Childhood, Of Course, Is Play, Which My Friends And I Did Endlessly On Streets That We Reluctantly Shared With Traffic.

I Don't Have A Problem Believing In God And Jesus. But In Genesis One Has To Wonder About These Sentences That Just Go On And End Without Finishing. The Thought Is Unfinished. Where Did Adam Go? What Is He Doing? Hello? There Has To Be Some Pages Missing.

For College Seniors There Should Be A Week Of Being Allowed To Cry. Just Break Down And Cry Because You Are Scared And Don't Know What's Next.

When We Look At The Settling Of America We See A Bible In Hand And God. Every Thanksgiving Has God And The Peacefulness Of Gratitude. It Was Important When The Twin Towers Were Hit And The Sorrow With Them That The First Thing Congress Did Was Sing "god Bless America."

Take Your Bottom Lip And Pull It Over Your Head.

We're Not Raising Children With The Love That We Need To.

Most Fathers And... Mothers. Only Your Grandmother And Ghengis Khan Know How To Do It.

Pay Off Your Student Loan. Even If You Don't Have A Job...because When You Finally Get A Job You're Going To Be One Of Us.

Funny Graduation

Meadowlark And I Share A Common Vision Of Bringing Joy And Laughter To Others.

Among The Guitarists, Wes Montgomery Is Fantastic. He's Always Good To Let You Know What The Art Form Is All About. It's The Same Still Life That Everybody Is Painting, But In Comes Wes Montgomery, And It's Right There!

I Love It When Mothers Get So Mad They Can't Remember Your Name. "come Here, Roy, Er, Rupert, Er, Rutabaga... What Is Your Name, Boy? And Don't Lie To Me, Because You Live Here, And I'll Find Out Who You Are."

The Game Of Chess. Supposedly Men Made It Up, And It's About War And Men And The Ravages And The Bravery And The Genius Of Commanding And Moving Pieces And ... No. It's Marriage. The Queen Moves Anywhere She Wants.

Have You Ever Had A Cookie? Then You Won't Get Any Here Either.

One Of The Great Mistakes That Can Be Made By A Man Of My Age Is To Get Involved In Athletic Competition With Children-unless, Of Course, They Are Under Six. And Even Then, Stay Away From Hide-and-seek.

Did You Ever See The Customers In Health - Food Stores? They Are Pale, Skinny People Who Look Half - Dead. In A Steak House, You See Robust, Ruddy People. They're Dying, Of Course, But They Look Terrific.

I'm Not The Boss Of My House. I Don't Know How I Lost It, I Don't Know When I Lost It, I Don't Really Think I Ever Had It. But I've Seen The Boss's Job...and I Don't Want It!

Even Though Your Kids Will Consistently Do The Exact Opposite Of What You're Telling Them To Do, You Have To Keep Loving Them Just As Much.

Your Parents Put A Curse On You - Someday Your Kids Are Going To Act Just Like You.

A Word To The Wise Ain't Necessary - It's The Stupid Ones That Need The Advice.

All Parents Experience The Same Problems.

Social Networking Helps Reach People Easier And Quicker.

Every Father Says The Same Thing: “where's Your Mother?”

I Think The Part Of Media That Romanticizes Criminal Behavior, Things That A Person Will Say Against Women, Profanity, Being Gangster, Having Multiple Children With Multiple Men And Women And Not Wanting To Is Prevalent. When You Look At The Majority Of Shows On Television They Placate That Kind Of Behavior.

God Has A Sense Of Humor Though And He Must See Funny Things In Us. He Must Also Have Some Love. We're Still Here And There Are Still Great Things That Go On. There Are Great Doctors Who Discover How To Separate Twins And How To Put Together A Human Being To Walk Again After It's Said He Won't. Those Are All There As Signs.

All Men Should Freely Use Those Seven Words Which Have The Power To Make Any Marriage Run Smoothly: You Know Dear, You May Be Right

It Is A Point Of Pride For The American Male To Keep The Same Size Jockey Shorts For His Entire Life.

Raising Children Is An Incredibly Hard And Risky Business In Which No Cumulative Wisdom Is Gained: Each Generation Repeats The Mistakes The Previous One Made.

I'm Not Saying Looting Is Good, ... But I'm Saying Surely At A Time When Your Child Needs Diapers And You Need Food, When Does Looting Stop.

Children Today Know More About Sex Than I Or My Father Did.

Poets Have Said That The Reason To Have Children Is To Give Yourself Immortality. Immortality? Now That I Have Five Children, My Only Hope Is That They Are All Out Of The House Before I Die.

There Are Some People Who Have Trouble Recognizing A Mess.

There Are No Absolutes In Raising Children. In Any Stressful Situation, Fathering Is Always A Roll Of The Dice. The Game May Be Messy, But I Have Never Found One With More Joys And Rewards.

Stressful Situations

The Dentist Drills Some More And You Hear Him Make A Mistake. And To Cover It Up, They All Say The Same Thing: "okay, Rinse."

I Don't Wear No Condom And I Don't Plan For No Kids.

I Brought You In This World, And I Can Take You Out!

My Mother Comes In My Room And Says, "just Look At This Mess! This Is A Pig Sty!" Now, I've Already Been In The Room Five Hours, And She Wants Me To Look At It.

If You Can Find Humour In Anything, You Can Survive It

You Can't Compete With Walmart. But You Can Have Smaller Businesses That Are Successful.

You Are Not Going To 'go Forth.' You Are Going To Take That Damn Hat Off And You're Going To Get A Job.

The Very First Law In Advertising Is To Avoid The Concrete Promise And Cultivate The Delightfully Vague.

Parenting Needs To Come To The Forefront.

Well, I Really Don't Know What The Secret Of Success Is But I Can Tell You That The Secret Of Failure Is To Try To Please Everyone.

The Secret Of Success Is To Be Like A Duck, Smooth And Unruffled On Top, But Paddling Furiously Underneath.

I'm Not Going Out And Hitting A 95-mph Fastball Where I Can't See The Stitches. I'm Not On A Professional Football Team Looking To Tackle A Fullback Who Is Built Like Solid Wood. I'm A Thinking Person, And I've Been Blessed With The Ability To See Some Things And Talk About Them In A Way That Registers In A Humorous And Funny Way.

Zip Zop Wop Boopity Bop.

Criticizing Is Easy, Art Is Difficult.

People Will Frighten You About A Graduation.... They Use Words You Don't Hear Often: And We Wish You Godspeed." It Is A Warning, Godspeed. It Means You Are No Longer Welcome Here At These Prices."

College Was A Wonderful Time - Except, Of Course, When It Was Trying To Teach You Things.

Anyone Who Has Brought Up Children Knows That Consistency Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With Discipline.

And Of Course, When You See Your Brother In The Toilet Bowl...there's A Little Voice That Say, 'i Wonder Where He Would Go...'...if It Hadn't Been For His Head.

With My Wife Camille's Help, I Took To Social Networking. I'm Working With The Computers.

If You Know What You Want, You Will Recognize It When You See It.

On Many Young Actors That Don't Give Their Parents Proper Credit: I'm Still Waiting For Some Actor To Win, Say, An Oscar... And Deliver The Following Acceptance Speech: I Would Like To Thank My Parents, First Of All, For Letting Me Live.

A Grandchild Is God's Reward For Raising A Child.

Having A Child Is Surely The Most Beautifully Irrational Act That Two People In Love Can Commit.

Never Forget That The Devil Is There 24/7 Too. He's Very, Very Busy.

Don't Talk Yourself Into Not Being You.

You Go And You Buy A Lottery Ticket. You've Got Just As Much Chance Of Getting Struck By Lightning As You Do Of Winning The Lottery.

When I Was A Child, I Was Living In The Housing Projects Of Philadelphia. I Didn't Even Have A Christmas Tree.

I'm Not The Healthiest, But I Am Healthy. I'm Healthy To The Point Where There Are Things That I Have To Eat That I Don't Want To Eat, But I Eat It Because I'm Enjoying Staying Alive.

You Can Never Give Complete Authority And Overall Power To Anyone Until Trust Can Be Proven.

Ours Is A Youth Culture, And Like A Golf Tournament, We Honor Only Low Scores.

The Measure Ov Overexposure Is Not How Many Times People See You On Tv Or In The Bookstores. It's Whether You Can Maintain The Quality Of Your Entertainment. If You Can, People Will Always Be Glad To See You.

When The Child Is Twelve, Your Wife Buys Her A Splendidly Silly Article Of Clothing Called A Training Bra. To Train What? I Never Had A Training Jock. And Believe Me, When I Played Football, I Could Have Used A Training Jock More Than Any Twelve-year-old Needs A Training Bra.

I Recently Turned Fifty, Which Is Young For A Tree, Mid-life For An Elephant, And Ancient For A Quarter-miler, Whose Son Now Says, "dad, I Just Can't Run The Quarter With You Anymore, Unless I Bring Something To Read."

Dentists Tell You Not To Pick Your Teeth With Any Sharp Metal Object. Then You Sit In Their Chair And The First Thing They Grab Is An Iron Hook.

We Cannot Afford To Settle For Being Just Average; We Must Learn As Much As We Can To Be The Best That We Can. The Key Word Is Education - Education With Maximum Effort. Without It, We Cannot Be In Charge Of Ourselves Or Anyone Else.

Our Children Are Angry. The Profanity Is Out In The Street. It's On The Buses And In The Subway. Our Children Are Trying To Tell Us Something, And We Are Not Listening.

I'm Not Sure If My Parents Had Me Because They Loved Me, Or Because They Wanted Someone To Watch Their Other Children.

My Grandpa Didn't Believe In Hugging And Kissing, Or Saying I Love You. His Love Had To Do With The Way He Treated You. When He Said, We're Going Here, We're Going There, He Was Telling Me About Life. That Was His Love For Me. My Love For Him Was Listening To What He Said, Keeping Out Of Trouble, Doing Right, Being Fair.

There Are Certain Times Of The Day When You Need A Balance - That Is, Your Protein And Your Carbs. I'm A Barry Sears Man. I Believe That Anything Green Is A Carb, And I Need 2:1. Two Of The Carbs To One Of The Protein.

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