We Cannot Afford To Settle For Being Just Average; We Must Learn As Much As We Can To Be The Best That We Can. The Key Word Is Education - Education With Maximum Effort. Without It, We Cannot Be In Charge Of Ourselves Or Anyone Else.

-Bill Cosby

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We Cannot Afford To

Bill Cosby

Topic

Education

Teaching

Keys

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Parents Are People Who Yell And They Yell And They Yell And They Yell. And You Already Have The Point... And They're Still Yelling.

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If You Know What You Want, You Will Recognize It When You See It.

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I Wasn't Always Black... There Was This Freckle, And It Got Bigger And Bigger.

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When You're A Father You Censor Yourself. You Get Just As Angry With A Child But You Don't Want To Say, "what The Filth And Foul And I'll Filth And Foul, Filth And Foul And, Yeah, Ya Filth And Foul Face, And I'll Filth And Foul, Foul, Filth!" You Don't Want To Say That To A Child So You Censor Yourself And You Sound Like An Idiot: "what The... Get Your... I'll Put A... Get Out Of My Face!"

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Children Today Know More About Sex Than I Or My Father Did.

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Brown Versus The Board Of Education Is No Longer The White Person's Problem.

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Never Say [to Younger People] "that Was Before Your Time," Because The Last Full Moon Was Before Their Time!

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You Can't Compete With Walmart. But You Can Have Smaller Businesses That Are Successful.

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I Can't Even Talk The Way These People Talk. 'why You Ain't?' 'where You Is?' Everybody Knows It's Important To Speak English Except These Knuckleheads. You Can't Be A Doctor With That Kind Of Crap Coming Out Of Your Mouth.

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People Should Fact Check. People Shouldn’t Have To Go Through That And Shouldn’t Answer To Innuendos.

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I’m Supposed To Figure Out If The Glass Is Half Full Or Half Empty,” I Told Her. Without A Moment’s Hesitation, In A Split Second, My Grandmother Shrugged And Said: “it Depends On If You’re Drinking Or Pouring.

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I'm Not The Boss Of My House. I Don't Know How I Lost It, I Don't Know When I Lost It, I Don't Really Think I Ever Had It. But I've Seen The Boss's Job...and I Don't Want It!

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Grandparents Are God's Gifts To Children.

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You Can Never Give Complete Authority And Overall Power To Anyone Until Trust Can Be Proven.

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The Main Goal Of The Future Is To Stop Violence. The World Is Addicted To It.

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Through Humor, You Can Soften Some Of The Worst Blows That Life Delivers.

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If The Audience Knows You Can Be Funny When You Want To Be, They Will Be Willing To Wait For That Payoff.

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The Most Important Educational Vehicle In All Life Is A Parent Figure.

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My Father Established Our Relationship When I Was Seven Years Old. He Looked At Me And Said, “you Know, I Brought You In This World, And I Can Take You Out. And It Don't Make No Difference To Me, I'll Make Another One Look Just Like You.

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Meadowlark And I Share A Common Vision Of Bringing Joy And Laughter To Others.

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When I Say, 'i Don't Care What White People Think,' I Mean That.

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Most Fathers And... Mothers. Only Your Grandmother And Ghengis Khan Know How To Do It.

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Human Beings Are The Only Creatures On Earth That Allow Their Children To Come Back Home.

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Don't Let Your Victories Go To Your Head, Or Your Failures Go To Your Heart.

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On Many Young Actors That Don't Give Their Parents Proper Credit: I'm Still Waiting For Some Actor To Win, Say, An Oscar... And Deliver The Following Acceptance Speech: I Would Like To Thank My Parents, First Of All, For Letting Me Live.

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Parenting Needs To Come To The Forefront.

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When I Decided That I Wanted To Go To College, I Wanted To Be A School Teacher For 7th And 8th Grade Boys Because I Felt That Was An Important Time For Them. I Had Gone Astray At That Point In My Life And Really Wanted To Help Keep Them From Making The Same Mistake I Had Made.

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Fatherhood Is Asking Your Son To Make Up A Name Rather Than Tell Anybody Who He Is.

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My Father Wanted Me To Play Pro Football, And He Didn't Like The Fact That I'd Left School. And He Said, "it Takes A Man To Play Football. And Any Fool Can Go Up On The Stage And Make An Ass Of Himself.

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Did You Ever See The Customers In Health - Food Stores? They Are Pale, Skinny People Who Look Half - Dead. In A Steak House, You See Robust, Ruddy People. They're Dying, Of Course, But They Look Terrific.

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In My Old Neighborhood, A Boy Stopped Playing When He Began To Lose His Pulse. And Then He Became The Referee.

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You Know My Father's Favorite Game? Come Here And Pull My Finger.

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I Feel That In-person Contact With People Is The Most Important Thing In Comedy. While I'm Up On Stage, I Can Actually Put Myself Into The Audience And Adjust My Pace And Tuning To Them. I Can Get Into Their Heads Through Their Ears And Through Their Eyes. Only Through This Total Communication Can I Really Achieve What I'm Trying To Do.

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Raising Children Is An Incredibly Hard And Risky Business In Which No Cumulative Wisdom Is Gained: Each Generation Repeats The Mistakes The Previous One Made.

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There Are No Absolutes In Raising Children. In Any Stressful Situation, Fathering Is Always A Roll Of The Dice. The Game May Be Messy, But I Have Never Found One With More Joys And Rewards.

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I Once Asked My Father For A Dollar For The School Picnic. He Told Me How He Once Killed A Grizzly Bear With His Loose-leaf Notebook.

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I Don't Think You Can Bring The Races Together By Joking About The Differences Between Them. I'd Rather Talk About The Similarities, About What's Universal In Their Experiences.

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Our Children Are Angry. The Profanity Is Out In The Street. It's On The Buses And In The Subway. Our Children Are Trying To Tell Us Something, And We Are Not Listening.

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Civilization Had Too Many Rules For Me, So I Did My Best To Rewrite Them.

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Let Me Say This: I Only Expect The Black Media To Uphold The Standards Of Excellence In Journalism And When You Do That, You Have To Go In With A Neutral Mind.

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You Can Not Make Everybody Happy.

Nutella

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Because For Me It Is Almost Analgesic To Talk About What The White Man Is Doing Against Us. And It Keeps A Person Frozen In Their Seat, It Keeps You Frozen In Your Hole You’re Sitting In.

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It Is Not A Matter Of Who Is Rejecting Me, As Much As It Is Somebody May Get It, And I Am Going To Keep Plowing Through It Because In This World Of Education, There Is A Harvest.

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Whenever Your Kids Are Out Of Control, You Can Take Comfort From The Thought That Even God's Omnipotence Did Not Extend To His Kids.

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Any Man Today Who Returns From Work, Sinks Into A Chair, And Calls For His Pipe Is A Man With An Appetite For Danger.

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The Weatherman Is Always Right. It's Just His Timing That's Off.

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As A Comedian, I Can Walk Out In Front Of 5000 People And Not Worry About A Thing. Not A Thing, Believe Me. But To Stand Up A Face A Camera And Crew Of Maybe 15 Guys And Get Up Tight About It - To Me That's Weird.

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All Children Have Brain Damage!

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'don't Worry About Senility', My Grandfather Used To Say.

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Ours Is A Youth Culture, And Like A Golf Tournament, We Honor Only Low Scores.

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Today's Parents Grew Up With The Silly Notion That Music Was Meant To Be Heard.

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I Don't Have A Clue About The Way To Achievement, However The Way To Disappointment Is Attempting To Please Everyone.

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Anyone Who Has Brought Up Children Knows That Consistency Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With Discipline.

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College Was A Wonderful Time - Except, Of Course, When It Was Trying To Teach You Things.

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The Heart Of Marriage Is Memories; And If The Two Of You Happen To Have The Same Ones And Can Savor Your Reruns, Then Your Marriage Is A Gift From The Gods.

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Public Education Is A Good Foundation On Which To Build A Better Life For Each Of Us. And If We Want To Prove To These Children Who Never Made The Mess In The First Place That Education Is Worth The Trouble, Our Schools Have To Inspire Them So They Can Do What They Ought To Do.

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In Your 50s, Time Becomes Precious And Must Not Be Wasted. Every Minute Is An Excellent Opportunity For A Good Nap. Happy 50th Birthday!

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If You're A Parent, The Five Worst Words You Can Say To Your Children Are, "when I Was Your Age ..." You Were Never Their Age. You Were Older In The Womb.

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I Think You Need To Make Responsibility Something That's Not Just A Word.

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Decide That You Want It More Than You Are Afraid Of It.

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In Spite Of What Thomas Jefferson Wrote, All Men May Be Created Equal, But Not To All Women.

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People Can Be More Forgiving Than You Can Imagine. But You Have To Forgive Yourself. Let Go Of What's Bitter And Move On.

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What Is It About Grandparents That Is So Lovely? I'd Like To Say That Grandparents Are God's Gifts To Children.

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You People Are Not Prepared. You Are Well Educated And You Look Cute, But That's Not Going To Cut It.

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No Matter What You Think-life Goes On And The World Still Turns And The Universe Has Its Own Story. The Most We Can Do Is Plan Anyway, But Understand, Be Humbled By Things Greater Than Ourselves.

World

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Anecdote: In A Controversial Way, Comedian And Actor Bill Cosby Sought To Teach His Son The Pain Of Being Lied To. Convinced His Son Had Been Dishonest Regarding An Issue, Cosby Promised That If He Told Him The Truth, He Would Not Hit Him. When His Son Did Confess, Cosby Did Hit Him. Seeing His Son's Shock And Hurt, Cosby Said He Hoped This Lesson Had Deepened His Understanding Of The Anguish Generated By A Sense Betrayal.

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Pain

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A Person With No Children Says, "well I Just Love Children," And You Say "why?" And They Say, "because A Child Is So Truthful, That's What I Love About 'em - They Tell The Truth." That's A Lie, I've Got Five Of 'em. The Only Time They Tell The Truth Is If They're Having Pain.

Funny

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The Beautiful Thing About Older People Is Their Ability To Cut The Fat Off Of Conversation. When They Talk, They Don't Go On Forever And Ever. They Say What They Have To Say, And That's It. That Was My Grand Dad. Some Of The Things He Said Stunned Me, But His Words Were Logical. I'll Never Forget Them.

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Cutting

Those Who Criticize Our Generation Forget Who Raised It.

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I Am Not Afraid Of Crashing, My Secret Is . . . Just Before We Hit The Ground, I Jump As High As I Can.

Funny

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Nobody Ever Says, "can I Have Your Beets?

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Humor

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We Are The Only Animals That Let Our Kids Come Back Home.

Home

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You Are More Important To Yourself Than You Think You Are.

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A Hoyo De Monterrey Double Corona Is My Favourite Cuban Since Desi Arnaz.

Cuban Cigars

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These People Marched And Were Hit In The Face With Rocks To Get An Education And Now We've Got These Knuckleheads Walking Round.

Rocks

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When My Son Was Murdered People Asked Me How I Felt About God And What Had Happened To My Son. I Said "no, You Can't Go There. You Have To Understand That There Is A Devil And He Works 24/7. Whoever Murdered Our Son Was With The Devil."

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Now, Richard Pryor Was Unique. Many Misunderstood His Humor. He Lit Up The Hallway, But They Didn't Understand His Use Of Profanity. He Didn't Use It Just To Be Using It; He Used It In The Context Of His Satire.

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The Worst Thing To Do Is To Die While Reading Life Magazine.

Funny

Reading

Humor

"and Tired" Always Followed Sick. Worst Beating I Ever Got In My Life, My Mother Said, "i Am Just Sick..." And I Said, "and Tired." I Don't Remember Anything After That.

Funny

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Tired

When You Graduate From College, They Tell You To Follow Your Dreams. Does Anyone Say You Have To Wake Up First?

Graduation

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If The New American Father Feels Bewildered And Even Defeated, Let Him Take Comfort From The Fact That Whatever He Does In Any Fathering Situation Has A Fifty Percent Chance Of Being Right.

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That Married Couples Can Live Together Day After Day Is A Miracle That The Vatican Has Overlooked.

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Valentines Day

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If You Want To Be Seen, Stand Up. If You Want To Be Heard, Speak Up. If You Want To Be Appreciated, Shut Up.

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The Essence Of Childhood, Of Course, Is Play, Which My Friends And I Did Endlessly On Streets That We Reluctantly Shared With Traffic.

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Immortality Is A Long Shot, I Admit. But Somebody Has To Be First.

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I'm Not Going Out And Hitting A 95-mph Fastball Where I Can't See The Stitches. I'm Not On A Professional Football Team Looking To Tackle A Fullback Who Is Built Like Solid Wood. I'm A Thinking Person, And I've Been Blessed With The Ability To See Some Things And Talk About Them In A Way That Registers In A Humorous And Funny Way.

Thanksgiving

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Team

My Mother Was An Authority On Pig Sties. This Is The Worst Looking Pigsty I Have Ever Seen In My Life, And I Want It Cleaned Up Right Now.

Mother

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Pigs

My Father Walked To School 4 O'clock Every Morning With No Shoes On, Uphill, Both Ways, In 5 Feet Of Snow And He Was Thankful.

Funny

Morning

Father

Even Though Your Kids Will Consistently Do The Exact Opposite Of What You're Telling Them To Do, You Have To Keep Loving Them Just As Much.

Funny

Children

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Every Closed Eye Is Not Sleeping, And Every Open Eye Is Not Seeing.

Fake People

Sleep

Eye

Kids Need To Remember That When You Put Something On Twitter, It's Not Like Whispering To Your Friend, You've Put It On A Billboard That The Whole World, Including Your Own Kids Someday, Can See.

Kids

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Whispering

If You Took Your Child To The Dentist And Check For Cavities, The Child Likely Won't Get Them. If You Take Them Just For Emergency, That's All They're Gonna Get.

Children

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I Want To Get Violence - I Want Schools To Start From K Through 12 To Just Every Day Have Teachers Understand That They Don't Want To Talk About Anything That Is Violent, And They Want To Explain To The Children How Bad Violence Is And How Behavior - Violent Behavior, Is Something That They Really Should Not Practice And Think About.

Teacher

Children

School

The Past Is A Ghost, The Future A Dream, And All We Ever Have Is Now.

Love

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Life

Criticizing Is Easy, Art Is Difficult.

Wise

Art

Easy

Dentists Tell You Not To Pick Your Teeth With Any Sharp Metal Object. Then You Sit In Their Chair And The First Thing They Grab Is An Iron Hook.

Funny

Humor

Iron

Gray Hair Is God's Graffiti.

Funny

God

Humor

Sometimes You Try To Help People, And It Backfires On You, And Then They Try To Take Advantage Of You.

People

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Helping

When You Introduce Competition Into The Public School System, Most Studies Show That Schools Start To Do Better When They Are Competing For Students.

School

Competition

Students

People Say "god Will Find A Way." God Can't Find A Way If You're In The Way.

Faith

People

Way

Never Forget That The Devil Is There 24/7 Too. He's Very, Very Busy.

Devil

Never Forget

Busy

If You Have A Question About Anything, The Answer Can Be Found In A Book Somewhere In The Library.

One Of The Great Mistakes That Can Be Made By A Man Of My Age Is To Get Involved In Athletic Competition With Children-unless, Of Course, They Are Under Six. And Even Then, Stay Away From Hide-and-seek.

Children

Mistake

Men

I Know People Are Tired Of Me Not Saying Anything, But A Guy Doesn't Have To Answer To Innuendos.

Tired

People

Guy

My Wife Was A Beautiful Woman Before We Had Children.

Funny

Beautiful

Children

The Summit, Which Is Set Up To Educate People About Managing Their Money And Protecting Their Income, Leads To Empowerment Of Self, For Which This Summit Needs To Be Applauded.

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People

Empowerment

Through Humor, You Can Soften Some Of The Worst Blows That Life Delivers. And Once You Find Laughter, No Matter How Painful Your Situation Might Be, You Can Survive It.

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Beware Of People Who Fall At Your Feet. They May Be Reaching For The Corner Of The Rug.

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People

It's Painful, But We Can't Heal Ourselves Unless We Cleanse The Wounds.

Painful

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Wounds

The Very First Law In Advertising Is To Avoid The Concrete Promise And Cultivate The Delightfully Vague.

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Law

My Children Love My Mother, And I Tell My Children, That Is Not The Same Woman I Grew Up With...that Is An Old Woman Trying To Get Into Heaven Now.

Family

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Children

It Doesn't Make Any Difference How Much Money A Father Earns, His Name Is Always Dad-can-i.... Like All Other Children, My Five Have One Great Talent: They Are Gifted Beggars. Not One Of Them Ever Ran Into The Room, Looked Up At Me, And Said, "i'm Really Happy That You're My Father, And As A Tangible Token Of My Appreciation, Here's A Dollar.

Appreciation

Children

Dad

I Don't Wear No Condom And I Don't Plan For No Kids.

Kids

Condom

Plans

I Want All This Loud Profanity In The Street Stopped. I Want People To Think About Choices.

Thinking

People

Choices

When I Was A Child, I Was Living In The Housing Projects Of Philadelphia. I Didn't Even Have A Christmas Tree.

Children

Philadelphia

Tree

Old Is Always Fifteen Years From Now.

Funny

Birthday

Humor

There Are Some People Who Have Trouble Recognizing A Mess.

People

Trouble

Mess

We Spoke To God About The Children, And We Were Afraid To Ask God For Specific Things. We Thought That It Might Be Too Much. So We Said To God 'please Give Us A Healthy Child' And Left It At That, Not Knowing That God Is A Generous God, But Also Has A Sense Of Humor. And If You Leave That Much Open For God, Some Wonderful Jokes Are Going To Come About.

Children

Knowing

Giving

The Childless Experts On Child Raising Also Bring Tears Of Laughter To My Eyes When They Say, I Love Children Because They're So Honest. There Is Not An Agent In The Cia Or The Kgb Who Knows How To Conceal The Theft Of Food, How To Fake Being Asleep, Or How To Forge A Parent's Signature Like A Child.

Laughter

Children

Eye

The First-born In Every Family Is Always Dreaming For An Imaginary Older Brother Or Sister Who Will Look Out For Them.

Family

Sister

Dream

Men And Women Belong To Different Species And Communications Between Them Is Still In Its Infancy.

Communication

Sisterhood

Men

If You Know Two Languages, The Level Of Your Intelligence Is Multiplied A Hundredfold In Other People's Eyes.

Eye

Two

People

I Often Try To Tell Kids To Think About All The People Who Love You, Don't Cry Over The One Person Who Doesn't.

Love

Kids

Thinking

...it Was The Arts, Those Noble Expressions Of The Human Spirit That Are Communicated Through Literature, Dance, Song, Film, Drama, Painting And Sculpture, Among The Many Other Such Creative Means, That Helped Articulate The Sufferings Of [these] People That Were Heard Around The Globe.

Song

Art

Drama

I Think The Part Of Media That Romanticizes Criminal Behavior, Things That A Person Will Say Against Women, Profanity, Being Gangster, Having Multiple Children With Multiple Men And Women And Not Wanting To Is Prevalent. When You Look At The Majority Of Shows On Television They Placate That Kind Of Behavior. If You Go Through A Weekly Monday Through Friday, It's All There. It's In How People On The Sitcoms And Cop Shows Talk To Each Other.

Friday

Monday

Children

The Heart Of Marriage Is Memories.

Love

Anniversary

Marriage

You Also Notice That The Right Side Of Your Face Feels Like It's Sliding Off Of Your Skull. And Your Bottom Lip Is In Your Lap!

Skulls

Lap

Faces

If I Use The Word Romance, Whether It's My Wife Or Not, It Does Not Mean Sex. We Can Use The Word Sex When Sex Is There.

Sex

Mean

Wife

George Carlin Is Brilliant With Words, And Johnny Winters Is Very Creative. It's Taking Something Common And Drawing Out The Humor, Being Clever With Words.

Clever

Winter

Drawing

Calculus Is One Course You Can Come With To Your Parents And Say, I Am Dropping It. And They'll Understand.

Parent

Statistics

Dropping

When We Look At The Settling Of America We See A Bible In Hand And God. Every Thanksgiving Has God And The Peacefulness Of Gratitude. It Was Important When The Twin Towers Were Hit And The Sorrow With Them That The First Thing Congress Did Was Sing "god Bless America."

Gratitude

Hands

America

I Cannot Understand How The Education Of This United States Of America Has Been Fooled Time And Time Again. Either Make It Separate But Equal Or Integrate, Therefore It Will Be Equal. And It Has Been Separate And Unequal.

Education

America

United States

My Childhood Should Have Taught Me Lessons For My Own Fatherhood, But It Didn't Because Parenting Can Only Be Learned By People Who Have No Children.

Family

Children

Parenting

Don't Talk Yourself Into Not Being You.

No Matter How Calmly You Try To Referee, Parenting Will Eventually Produce Bizarre Behavior, And I'm Not Talking About The Kids. Their Behavior Is Always Normal.

Family

Kids

Parenting

We're Not Raising Children With The Love That We Need To.

Love

Children

Needs

My Grandpa Didn't Believe In Hugging And Kissing, Or Saying I Love You. His Love Had To Do With The Way He Treated You. When He Said, We're Going Here, We're Going There, He Was Telling Me About Life. That Was His Love For Me. My Love For Him Was Listening To What He Said, Keeping Out Of Trouble, Doing Right, Being Fair.

Believe

Love You

Kissing

While Fathers Are Pleasant Figureheads, There Is A Special Bond Between Children And Their Mothers. 'do You Help Your Mother Clean Up The House?' I Asked One Girl Of Seven. 'no,' She Sweetly Replied, 'i Help Make The Mess.' It's A Dirty Job But Somebody's Got To Do It.

Girl

Mother

Jobs

When I Was A Boy If A Girl Got Pregnant The Shame Was Placed On Her And The Boy Could Get Away.

Girl

Boys

Shame

Suddenly, This Romantic Agony Was Enriched By A Less Romantic One: I Had To Go To The Bathroom. Needless To Say, I Couldn't Let Her Know About This Urge, For Great Lovers Never Did Such Things. The Answer To "romeo Romeo, Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?" Was Not "in The Men's Room, Julie.

Funny

Art

Humor

My Father Would Pass Gas And Then Blame It On Imaginary Animals.

Funny

Father

Humor

Violence Won't Solve A Thing. It Makes It More Challenging To Solve, Though.

Wise

Challenges

Violence

The Three Ingredients Of A Successful Union Between Two ... Humor, Commitment & Undying Love.

Funny

Relationship

Marriage

This Happened To The People. The Constitution Says Of The People, By The People, For The People... But The People Who Got The Office, Got Into Office And Forgot About The People.

People

Office

Constitution

I Don't Have A Problem Believing In God And Jesus. But In Genesis One Has To Wonder About These Sentences That Just Go On And End Without Finishing. The Thought Is Unfinished. Where Did Adam Go? What Is He Doing? Hello? There Has To Be Some Pages Missing.

Jesus

Believe

Missing

Man Can Not Live By Bread Alone ... He Must Have Peanut Butter.

Funny

Wisdom

Witty

The Game Of Chess. Supposedly Men Made It Up, And It's About War And Men And The Ravages And The Bravery And The Genius Of Commanding And Moving Pieces And ... No. It's Marriage. The Queen Moves Anywhere She Wants.

Marriage

Queens

War

A Word To The Wise Ain't Necessary - It's The Stupid Ones That Need The Advice.

Funny

Life

Wise

Nothing I've Ever Done Has Given Me More Joys And Rewards Than Being A Father To My Children.

Family

Fathers Day

Children

I'm Not Saying Looting Is Good, ... But I'm Saying Surely At A Time When Your Child Needs Diapers And You Need Food, When Does Looting Stop.

Children

Doe

Needs

A Sail Boat That Sails Backwards Can Never See The Sun Rise.

Funny

Humor

Sun

You Can't Be Everything To Everyone

Everything Happens For A Reason

I Didn't Like What Was On Tv In Terms Of Sitcomsit Had Nothing To Do With The Color Of Themi Just Didn't Like Any Of Them. I Saw Little Kids, Let's Say 6 Or 7 Years Old, White Kids, Black Kids. And The Way They Were Addressing The Father Or The Mother, The Writers Had Turned Things Around, So The Little Children Were Smarter Than The Parent Or The Caregiver. They Were Just Not Funny To Me. I Felt That It Was Manipulative And The Audience Was Looking At Something That Had No Responsibility To The Family.

Mother

Children

Father

The Secret Of Success Is To Be Like A Duck, Smooth And Unruffled On Top, But Paddling Furiously Underneath.

Ducks

Secret

Paddling

You Are A Genius!... And I Am A Genius Because I Married You.

Genius

Married

I Didn't Know How Serious It Is To A Female That You Lift The Lid.

Female

Serious

Know How

The Mother May Be Doing Ninety Percent Of The Disciplining, But The Father Still Must Have A Full-time Acceptance Of All The Children. He Never Must Say, "get These Kids Out Of Here; I'm Trying To Watch Tv." If He Ever Does Start Saying This, He Is Liable To See One Of His Kids On The Six O'clock News.

Mother

Children

Father

Having A Child Is Surely The Most Beautifully Irrational Act That Two People In Love Can Commit.

Motivational

Baby

Children

People Will Frighten You About A Graduation....they Use Words You Don't Hear Often.

Graduation

People

Use

I Am Certainly Not An Authority On Love Because There Are No Authorities On Love, Just Those Who've Had Luck With It And Those Who Haven't.

Love

Luck

Authority

Take Your Bottom Lip And Pull It Over Your Head.

Pregnancy

Over You

Lips

A Grandchild Is God's Reward For Raising A Child.

Funny

Children

Humor

If A White Man Falls Off A Chair Drunk, It's Just A Drunk. If A Negro Does, It's The Whole Damn Negro Race.

Fall

Men

Race

How Long Can You Tread Water?

Long

Water

You'll Have Many, Many Friends, But If Your Relationship With Your Mate Is One Hundred Per Cent Of Your Heart, You'll Never Need A Friend.

Friends

Heart

Needs

Guys Standing Around And Talking About Spanish Fly: 'you Know Anything About Spanish Fly?' 'no, Tell Me About It.' Well There's This Girl Crazy Mary, You Put Some In Her Drink Man, She, 'haaaaaaaaaaaaah.' Oh Yeah, That's Really Groovy Man, Spanish Fly Is Groovy, Yeah. From Then On, Any Time You See A Girl: 'wish I Had Some Spanish Fly.' Go To A Party See Five Girls Standing Alone: 'boy If I Had A Whole Jug Of Spanish Fly, I'd Light That Corner Up Over There. Haaaaaah.'

Girl

Crazy

Party

I Use The Exercise Room Early, Because I Don't Want To Get On The Treadmill And Everyone's Going 'oh, Bill Cosby,' And Then They Come Around To See How Fast I'm Walking, And It Becomes Very Competitive.

Exercise

Use

Want

If You Can Find Humour In Anything, You Can Survive It

Humour

Ifs

I Did Not Want To Turn To Playing Golf Because Golf Is About As Much Exercise As Shuffling Cards.

Funny

Exercise

Golf

Family Is Conflict And It's Something That We All Relate To.

Family

Conflict

Family Conflict

But If That's What You Want To Be, That's What You Will Be - As Long As You Study.

Long

Want

Study

My Latest Blood Test Said My Cholesterol Was Very High And My Doctor Recommended Some Medicine For It. I Said "no" To His Recommendation And He Said "what Are You Going To Do?" I Said I Ate My Way Into This And I'm Going To Eat My Way Out Of It.

Doctors

Blood

Medicine

In Genesis, It Is Stated God Walked On Earth. He Was There On The Level. After Watching Human Behavior, He Ascended Having Had Enough Of Us And Decided To Watch Over Us Instead.

Watches

Levels

Earth

Why Do Kids Always Say Peace Out, I Though Peace Was In.

Kids

Intellectuals Are People Who Go To Study Things Other People Do Naturally.

People

Study

For College Seniors There Should Be A Week Of Being Allowed To Cry. Just Break Down And Cry Because You Are Scared And Don't Know What's Next.

Senior

College

Down And

Your Parents Put A Curse On You - Someday Your Kids Are Going To Act Just Like You.

Children

Kids

Justice

Our Children Are Trying To Tell Us Something. And We Are Not Listening.

Children

Listening

Trying

What Best Defines A Child Is The Total Inability To Receive Information From Anything Not Plugged In.

Children

Inability

Information

I Don't Know The Key To Success, But The Key To Failure Is Trying To Please Everybody.

Inspirational

Motivational

Success

Romance Is A Different Word Than Sexual Contact.

Romance

Different

Contact

I Was A Physical Education Major With A Child Psychology Minor At Temple, Which Means If You Ask Me A Question About A Child's Behavior, I Will Advise You To Tell The Child To Take A Lap.

Children

Mean

Psychology

Every Romance Does Not Lead To Sex.

Sex

Romance

Doe

Zip Zop Wop Boopity Bop.

Zips

Bops

Racial Humor Was About 35% Of My Act When I First Started. But I Realized That It Was A Crutch. What Brought It Home Was When Another Comedian Said To Me, 'if You Changed Color Tomorrow, You Wouldn't Have Any Material.' He Meant It As A Put-down, But I Took It As A Challenge.

Home

Color

Challenges

It Is A Point Of Pride For The American Male To Keep The Same Size Jockey Shorts For His Entire Life.

Pride

Males

Jockeys

Nothing Separates The Generations More Than Music. By The Time A Child Is Eight Or Nine, He Has Developed A Passion For His Own Music That Is Even Stronger Than His Passions For Procrastination And Weird Clothes.

Family

Music

Children

A New Father Quickly Learns That His Child Invariably Comes To The Bathroom At Precisely The Times When He's In There, As If He Needed Company. The Only Way For This Father To Be Certain Of Bathroom Privacy Is To Shave At The Gas Station.

Funny

Fathers Day

Children

I Was'nt Always Black. There Was This Freckel That Just Grew And Grew.

Black

Grew

My Dad Came Over To The House... Went Into His Pocket And Pulled Out A Handful Of Money, And Began To Pass It Out To The Children... This Was The Same Man Who, When I Was His Child, I Would Ask Him For 50 Cents, This Man Would Tell Me His Life's Story.

Children

Dad

Men

I'm A Christian. But Muslims Are Misunderstood. Intentionally Misunderstood. We Should All Be More Like Them.

Christian

Misunderstood

Should

A Father Has To Do Everything In His Power To Keep A Tight Ship, Even Though He Knows The Crew Would Like To Send Him Away In A Dinghy.

Father

Ships

Dinghies

Give Me 200 Active 2-year-olds And I Could Conquer The World.

Years

Conquer The World

Giving

I Am Proud To Be An American. Because An American Can Eat Anything On The Face Of This Earth As Long As He Has Two Pieces Of Bread.

Funny

Uplifting

Memorial Day

Social Networking Helps Reach People Easier And Quicker.

People

Networking

Helping

You Know The Only People Who Are Always Sure About The Proper Way To Raise Children? Those Who've Never Had Any.

Family

Children

Parenting

If You Have No Faith, You've Lost Your Battle. You Can't Let Things Just Happen. If You Know Right From Wrong, And You Know Proof That Certain Things Are True And People Are Telling You Information To Guide You And It's Good Solid Information, Than You Should Have It.

Should Have

People

Battle

I Guess The Real Reason That My Wife And I Had Children Is The Same Reason That Napoleon Had For Invading Russia: It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time.

Baby

Children

Real

We Go Out Of Our Way To Make People So Different,... To Punish Them Because Of Color, Because Of Sex, Because Of Size, And The Game Starts.

Sex

Color

Games

Understanding Quotes: Their Essence and Application

Quotes, or quotations, are powerful tools in communication, encapsulating ideas, emotions, and wisdom in concise expressions. They serve various purposes across different contexts, from academic writing to everyday conversation.

1. Defining Quotes

A quote is a repetition of someone else's statement or thoughts. It can be a direct replication of words spoken or written by another individual, often used to support arguments, provide evidence, or convey profound insights.

2. The Importance of Quotes

2.1. Enhancing Credibility

Incorporating quotes from authoritative sources can bolster the credibility of your work. By referencing experts or primary sources, you demonstrate thorough research and a solid foundation for your arguments.

2.2. Providing Evidence

Quotes serve as concrete evidence to support claims. In academic and professional writing, they validate points made, offering readers a basis to trust the information presented.

2.3. Conveying Emotions and Perspectives

Quotes can encapsulate emotions and perspectives succinctly. They allow writers to express complex feelings or viewpoints through the words of others, often more eloquently than paraphrasing.

3. Types of Quotes

3.1. Direct Quotes

Direct quotes involve copying the exact words from a source, enclosed in quotation marks. They are used when the original wording is significant or particularly well-expressed.

3.2. Indirect Quotes (Paraphrasing)

Indirect quotes restate the original message in your own words. While not enclosed in quotation marks, they still require proper attribution to the original source.

3.3. Block Quotes

Block quotes are lengthy direct quotations, formatted as a separate block of text. They are typically used for quotes exceeding a certain length, varying by citation style. For instance, in APA style, quotes longer than 40 words are formatted as block quotes.

4. Proper Usage of Quotes

4.1. Contextual Relevance

Ensure that the quote you choose is relevant to the topic and adds value to your content. Avoid inserting quotes solely for decorative purposes.

4.2. Integration into Your Writing

Seamlessly integrate quotes into your writing. Introduce them appropriately and follow up with analysis or commentary to connect them to your main points.

4.3. Attribution and Citation

Always attribute quotes to their original authors and provide proper citations according to the required style guide (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.).

5. Common Mistakes to Avoid

5.1. Overusing Quotes

Relying too heavily on quotes can overshadow your voice. Use them sparingly to support your arguments, not replace them.

5.2. Lack of Analysis

Presenting a quote without analysis or explanation can leave readers questioning its relevance. Always follow up with your interpretation or discussion.

5.3. Misquoting or Taking Out of Context

Ensure that quotes are accurate and not taken out of context, as this can mislead readers and undermine your credibility.

6. Quotes in Different Contexts

6.1. Academic Writing

In academic writing, quotes are used to support arguments, provide evidence, and engage with existing literature. Proper citation is crucial to avoid plagiarism.

6.2. Journalism

Journalists use quotes to provide firsthand accounts, add authenticity, and present multiple perspectives within a story.

6.3. Literature and Creative Writing

In literature, quotes can be used to convey character voices, themes, and stylistic elements. They enrich narratives and provide depth to storytelling.

7. Punctuation and Formatting

Understanding the correct punctuation and formatting of quotes is essential:

Quotation Marks: Always enclose direct quotes within quotation marks.

Punctuation Placement: In American English, periods and commas are placed inside quotation marks, while colons and semicolons are placed outside.

Block Quotes: For longer quotes, format them as block quotes without quotation marks, and indent the entire block.

8. Ethical Considerations

Ethical use of quotes involves accurate representation, proper attribution, and respect for intellectual property. Misuse can lead to plagiarism, which carries serious academic and professional consequences.

9. Tools for Managing Quotes

Utilize tools like citation generators and plagiarism checkers to manage quotes effectively. These tools help ensure proper formatting and originality in your writing.

Conclusion

Quotes are invaluable in enriching content, providing evidence, and conveying complex ideas succinctly. When used appropriately, they enhance the quality and credibility of your writing. Always ensure relevance, proper integration, and ethical usage to maximize their impact.

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