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Now, Richard Pryor Was Unique. Many Misunderstood His Humor. He Lit Up The Hallway, But They Didn't Understand His Use Of Profanity. He Didn't Use It Just To Be Using It; He Used It In The Context Of His Satire.

-Bill Cosby

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Now, Richard Pryor Was

Bill Cosby

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Now, Richard Pryor Was Unique. Many Misunderstood His Humor. He Lit Up The Hallway, But They Didn't Understand His Use Of Profanity. He Didn't Use It Just To Be Using It; He Used It In The Context Of His Satire.

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Why Do I Have To Feed The Kids? They Just Ate Twelve Hours Ago!

A Word To The Wise Ain't Necessary - It's The Stupid Ones That Need The Advice.

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You Are More Important To Yourself Than You Think You Are.

You People Are Not Prepared. You Are Well Educated And You Look Cute, But That's Not Going To Cut It.

In Spite Of What Thomas Jefferson Wrote, All Men May Be Created Equal, But Not To All Women.

Never Forget That The Devil Is There 24/7 Too. He's Very, Very Busy.

A White Person Listens To My Act And He Laughs And He Thinks, 'yeah, That's The Way I See It Too.' Okay. He's White. I'm Negro. And We Both See Things The Same Way. That Must Mean That We Are Alike..... So I Figure I'm Doing As Much For Good Race Relations As The Next Guy.

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If You Want To Be Seen, Stand Up. If You Want To Be Heard, Speak Up. If You Want To Be Appreciated, Shut Up.

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Civilization Had Too Many Rules For Me, So I Did My Best To Rewrite Them.

I Think The Part Of Media That Romanticizes Criminal Behavior, Things That A Person Will Say Against Women, Profanity, Being Gangster, Having Multiple Children With Multiple Men And Women And Not Wanting To Is Prevalent. When You Look At The Majority Of Shows On Television They Placate That Kind Of Behavior. If You Go Through A Weekly Monday Through Friday, It's All There. It's In How People On The Sitcoms And Cop Shows Talk To Each Other.

...it Was The Arts, Those Noble Expressions Of The Human Spirit That Are Communicated Through Literature, Dance, Song, Film, Drama, Painting And Sculpture, Among The Many Other Such Creative Means, That Helped Articulate The Sufferings Of [these] People That Were Heard Around The Globe.

Ours Is A Youth Culture, And Like A Golf Tournament, We Honor Only Low Scores.

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There Are Some People Who Have Trouble Recognizing A Mess.

I Recently Turned Fifty, Which Is Young For A Tree, Mid-life For An Elephant, And Ancient For A Quarter-miler, Whose Son Now Says, "dad, I Just Can't Run The Quarter With You Anymore, Unless I Bring Something To Read."

People Will Frighten You About A Graduation....they Use Words You Don't Hear Often.

Dentists Tell You Not To Pick Your Teeth With Any Sharp Metal Object. Then You Sit In Their Chair And The First Thing They Grab Is An Iron Hook.

All Parents Experience The Same Problems.

People Will Frighten You About A Graduation.... They Use Words You Don't Hear Often: And We Wish You Godspeed." It Is A Warning, Godspeed. It Means You Are No Longer Welcome Here At These Prices."

I Didn't Know How Serious It Is To A Female That You Lift The Lid.

Public Education Is A Good Foundation On Which To Build A Better Life For Each Of Us. And If We Want To Prove To These Children Who Never Made The Mess In The First Place That Education Is Worth The Trouble, Our Schools Have To Inspire Them So They Can Do What They Ought To Do.

I Often Try To Tell Kids To Think About All The People Who Love You, Don't Cry Over The One Person Who Doesn't.

Whenever Your Kids Are Out Of Control, You Can Take Comfort From The Thought That Even God's Omnipotence Did Not Extend To His Kids.

With My Wife Camille's Help, I Took To Social Networking. I'm Working With The Computers.

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Everything Happens For A Reason

Because For Me It Is Almost Analgesic To Talk About What The White Man Is Doing Against Us. And It Keeps A Person Frozen In Their Seat, It Keeps You Frozen In Your Hole You’re Sitting In.

I Think The Part Of Media That Romanticizes Criminal Behavior, Things That A Person Will Say Against Women, Profanity, Being Gangster, Having Multiple Children With Multiple Men And Women And Not Wanting To Is Prevalent. When You Look At The Majority Of Shows On Television They Placate That Kind Of Behavior.

A Father Has To Do Everything In His Power To Keep A Tight Ship, Even Though He Knows The Crew Would Like To Send Him Away In A Dinghy.

When I Say, 'i Don't Care What White People Think,' I Mean That.

When You're A Father You Censor Yourself. You Get Just As Angry With A Child But You Don't Want To Say, "what The Filth And Foul And I'll Filth And Foul, Filth And Foul And, Yeah, Ya Filth And Foul Face, And I'll Filth And Foul, Foul, Filth!" You Don't Want To Say That To A Child So You Censor Yourself And You Sound Like An Idiot: "what The... Get Your... I'll Put A... Get Out Of My Face!"

The Only Thing That You Can Get Into Without A Lot Of Trouble Is A Lot Of Trouble.

A Hoyo De Monterrey Double Corona Is My Favourite Cuban Since Desi Arnaz.

As A Comedian, I Can Walk Out In Front Of 5000 People And Not Worry About A Thing. Not A Thing, Believe Me. But To Stand Up A Face A Camera And Crew Of Maybe 15 Guys And Get Up Tight About It - To Me That's Weird.

My Latest Blood Test Said My Cholesterol Was Very High And My Doctor Recommended Some Medicine For It. I Said "no" To His Recommendation And He Said "what Are You Going To Do?" I Said I Ate My Way Into This And I'm Going To Eat My Way Out Of It.

Every Closed Eye Is Not Sleeping, And Every Open Eye Is Not Seeing.

You Are A Genius!... And I Am A Genius Because I Married You.

Education Happens To Be Something That All People, All Cultures, Need To Embrace. Math, Science, The Words Of The World. To Be Able To Speak And Be Able To Have Clarity And To Be Able To Think. Those Are The Greatest Of Gifts.

Our Children Are Trying To Tell Us Something. And We Are Not Listening.

Parents Are People Who Yell And They Yell And They Yell And They Yell. And You Already Have The Point... And They're Still Yelling.

When We Look At The Settling Of America We See A Bible In Hand And God. Every Thanksgiving Has God And The Peacefulness Of Gratitude. It Was Important When The Twin Towers Were Hit And The Sorrow With Them That The First Thing Congress Did Was Sing "god Bless America."

When I Decided That I Wanted To Go To College, I Wanted To Be A School Teacher For 7th And 8th Grade Boys Because I Felt That Was An Important Time For Them. I Had Gone Astray At That Point In My Life And Really Wanted To Help Keep Them From Making The Same Mistake I Had Made.

Now, This Is The Fun Part About Getting Stoned. They Get Stoned, Then They Become Paranoid. Now, When They Started Out, They Said, "let's Get High And Have Fun." So They're High; Now They're Paranoid. "am I Falling Out Of This Chair?"

I've Got A Ferrari. Vroom! I Do 104 From The Garage To The Front Door.

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Funny Graduation

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Listen To John Coltrane Enough And After Two Bars, Just Two Bars At Any Place, And You Know That's Him. We All Have Signature Things That Happen To Be Similar That You Can Predict And You Try To Stay Away From That Except The Rhythms: Those Pauses, They're Part Of My Signature, The Part Where I Know When I Say Nothing, I Already Painted Enough, Led Enough And I Don't Even Have To Say Anything. But Those Pauses Don't Belong To Me. Jack Benny Was One Of The First Guys In Comedy To Make The Anticipation So Great That During The Pause People Start To Laugh Before The Execution.

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Let Us Now Set Forth One Of The Fundamental Truths About Marriage: The Wife Is In Charge.

There Is Hope For The Future Because God Has A Sense Of Humor And We Are Funny To God.

My Father Wanted Me To Play Pro Football, And He Didn't Like The Fact That I'd Left School. And He Said, "it Takes A Man To Play Football. And Any Fool Can Go Up On The Stage And Make An Ass Of Himself.

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Board Of Education

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After Creating The Heaven, The Earth, The Ocean, And The Entire Animal Kingdom, God Created Adam And Eve. And The First Thing He Said To Them Was "don't."

When You Graduate From College, They Tell You To Follow Your Dreams. Does Anyone Say You Have To Wake Up First?

Nobody Ever Says, "can I Have Your Beets?

My Children Love My Mother, And I Tell My Children, That Is Not The Same Woman I Grew Up With...that Is An Old Woman Trying To Get Into Heaven Now.

I Think You Need To Make Responsibility Something That's Not Just A Word.

A Sail Boat That Sails Backwards Can Never See The Sun Rise.

Today's Parents Grew Up With The Silly Notion That Music Was Meant To Be Heard.

Nothing Separates The Generations More Than Music. By The Time A Child Is Eight Or Nine, He Has Developed A Passion For His Own Music That Is Even Stronger Than His Passions For Procrastination And Weird Clothes.

All Men Should Freely Use Those Seven Words Which Have The Power To Make Any Marriage Run Smoothly: You Know Dear, You May Be Right

I Brought You In This World, And I Can Take You Out!

When A Person Has A Gun, Sometimes Their Mind Clicks That This Thing ... Will Win Arguments And Straighten People Out.

People Should Fact Check. People Shouldn’t Have To Go Through That And Shouldn’t Answer To Innuendos.

The First Time I Came Across The Birds And The Bees In Actual Flight, I Couldn't Identify The Formation.

People Say "god Will Find A Way." God Can't Find A Way If You're In The Way.

I Love It When Mothers Get So Mad They Can't Remember Your Name. "come Here, Roy, Er, Rupert, Er, Rutabaga... What Is Your Name, Boy? And Don't Lie To Me, Because You Live Here, And I'll Find Out Who You Are."

Social Networking Helps Reach People Easier And Quicker.

Calculus Is One Course You Can Come With To Your Parents And Say, I Am Dropping It. And They'll Understand.

The Problem Is That Your Daughter Has Given Her Heart To A 15-year-old Boy, And A 15-year-old Boy Does Not Yet Qualify As A Human Being.

My Feeling Is, Personally, I Want To Die First... Because I Believe That When You Die, Your Soul Goes Immediately Up For Judgment - And I Don't Want My Wife Up There First. No, The Judgment Will Be Horrendous.

If The New American Father Feels Bewildered And Even Defeated, Let Him Take Comfort From The Fact That Whatever He Does In Any Fathering Situation Has A Fifty Percent Chance Of Being Right.

If You Have A Question About Anything, The Answer Can Be Found In A Book Somewhere In The Library.

The Worst Thing To Do Is To Die While Reading Life Magazine.

The Three Ingredients Of A Successful Union Between Two ... Humor, Commitment & Undying Love.

Fatherhood Is Pretending The Present You Love Most Is Soap-on-a-rope.

If You Took Your Child To The Dentist And Check For Cavities, The Child Likely Won't Get Them. If You Take Them Just For Emergency, That's All They're Gonna Get.

Well, I Really Don't Know What The Secret Of Success Is But I Can Tell You That The Secret Of Failure Is To Try To Please Everyone.

I'm Not The Healthiest, But I Am Healthy. I'm Healthy To The Point Where There Are Things That I Have To Eat That I Don't Want To Eat, But I Eat It Because I'm Enjoying Staying Alive.

Never Say [to Younger People] "that Was Before Your Time," Because The Last Full Moon Was Before Their Time!

A Father... Knows Exactly What Those Boys At The Mall Have In Their Depraved Little Minds Because He Once Owned Such A Depraved Little Mind Himself. In Fact, If He Thinks Enough About The Plans That He Used To Have For Young Girls, The Father Not Only Will Support His Wife In Keeping Their Daughter Home But He Might Even Run Over To The Mall And Have A Few Of Those Boys Arrested.

All Around The United States Of America - In The Cities And The Counties - Our Public Education Is Suffering And Has Been Suffering. Cuts, Cuts, Cuts.

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George Carlin Is Brilliant With Words, And Johnny Winters Is Very Creative. It's Taking Something Common And Drawing Out The Humor, Being Clever With Words.

It's More Blessed To Give Than To Receive - Especially Kittens.

Racial Humor Was About 35% Of My Act When I First Started. But I Realized That It Was A Crutch. What Brought It Home Was When Another Comedian Said To Me, 'if You Changed Color Tomorrow, You Wouldn't Have Any Material.' He Meant It As A Put-down, But I Took It As A Challenge.

Raising Children Is An Incredibly Hard And Risky Business In Which No Cumulative Wisdom Is Gained: Each Generation Repeats The Mistakes The Previous One Made.

The Serve Was Invented So That The Net Could Play.

Violence Won't Solve A Thing. It Makes It More Challenging To Solve, Though.

Fatherhood Is Helping Your Children Learn English As A Foreign Language.

Your Parents Put A Curse On You - Someday Your Kids Are Going To Act Just Like You.

Decide That You Want It More Than You Are Afraid Of It.

The Weatherman Is Always Right. It's Just His Timing That's Off.

I Once Asked My Father For A Dollar For The School Picnic. He Told Me How He Once Killed A Grizzly Bear With His Loose-leaf Notebook.

There Are No Absolutes In Raising Children. In Any Stressful Situation, Fathering Is Always A Roll Of The Dice. The Game May Be Messy, But I Have Never Found One With More Joys And Rewards.

Stressful Situations

While Fathers Are Pleasant Figureheads, There Is A Special Bond Between Children And Their Mothers. 'do You Help Your Mother Clean Up The House?' I Asked One Girl Of Seven. 'no,' She Sweetly Replied, 'i Help Make The Mess.' It's A Dirty Job But Somebody's Got To Do It.

I Don't Know The Key To Success, But The Key To Failure Is Trying To Please Everybody.

Anecdote: In A Controversial Way, Comedian And Actor Bill Cosby Sought To Teach His Son The Pain Of Being Lied To. Convinced His Son Had Been Dishonest Regarding An Issue, Cosby Promised That If He Told Him The Truth, He Would Not Hit Him. When His Son Did Confess, Cosby Did Hit Him. Seeing His Son's Shock And Hurt, Cosby Said He Hoped This Lesson Had Deepened His Understanding Of The Anguish Generated By A Sense Betrayal.

If You Can Find Humour In Anything, You Can Survive It

It Doesn't Make Any Difference How Much Money A Father Earns, His Name Is Always Dad-can-i.... Like All Other Children, My Five Have One Great Talent: They Are Gifted Beggars. Not One Of Them Ever Ran Into The Room, Looked Up At Me, And Said, "i'm Really Happy That You're My Father, And As A Tangible Token Of My Appreciation, Here's A Dollar.

I Know People Are Tired Of Me Not Saying Anything, But A Guy Doesn't Have To Answer To Innuendos.

It Is Not A Matter Of Who Is Rejecting Me, As Much As It Is Somebody May Get It, And I Am Going To Keep Plowing Through It Because In This World Of Education, There Is A Harvest.

These People Marched And Were Hit In The Face With Rocks To Get An Education And Now We've Got These Knuckleheads Walking Round.

Those Who Criticize Our Generation Forget Who Raised It.

I’m Supposed To Figure Out If The Glass Is Half Full Or Half Empty,” I Told Her. Without A Moment’s Hesitation, In A Split Second, My Grandmother Shrugged And Said: “it Depends On If You’re Drinking Or Pouring.

I'm Not Sure If My Parents Had Me Because They Loved Me, Or Because They Wanted Someone To Watch Their Other Children.

In My Old Neighborhood, A Boy Stopped Playing When He Began To Lose His Pulse. And Then He Became The Referee.

Old Neighborhood

Is The Glass Half Full, Or Half Empty? It Depends On Whether You're Pouring, Or Drinking.

I Want All This Loud Profanity In The Street Stopped. I Want People To Think About Choices.

What's Your Name Again? That's Right. I'm So Glad You Know Your Name.

Family Is Conflict And It's Something That We All Relate To.

Family Conflict

You Know My Father's Favorite Game? Come Here And Pull My Finger.

Men And Women Belong To Different Species And Communications Between Them Is Still In Its Infancy.

When I Was A Boy If A Girl Got Pregnant The Shame Was Placed On Her And The Boy Could Get Away.

College Was A Wonderful Time - Except, Of Course, When It Was Trying To Teach You Things.

As I Have Discovered By Examining My Past, I Started Out As A Child. Coincidentally, So Did My Brother. My Mother Did Not Put All Her Eggs In One Basket, So To Speak: She Gave Me A Younger Brother Named Russell, Who Taught Me What Was Meant By 'survival Of The Fittest.'

What Is It About Grandparents That Is So Lovely? I'd Like To Say That Grandparents Are God's Gifts To Children.

If You're A Parent, The Five Worst Words You Can Say To Your Children Are, "when I Was Your Age ..." You Were Never Their Age. You Were Older In The Womb.

I Am Proud To Be An American. Because An American Can Eat Anything On The Face Of This Earth As Long As He Has Two Pieces Of Bread.

The Essence Of Childhood, Of Course, Is Play, Which My Friends And I Did Endlessly On Streets That We Reluctantly Shared With Traffic.

I Was A Physical Education Major With A Child Psychology Minor At Temple, Which Means If You Ask Me A Question About A Child's Behavior, I Will Advise You To Tell The Child To Take A Lap.

Every Romance Does Not Lead To Sex.

Don't Let Your Victories Go To Your Head, Or Your Failures Go To Your Heart.

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This Happened To The People. The Constitution Says Of The People, By The People, For The People... But The People Who Got The Office, Got Into Office And Forgot About The People.

If You Know Two Languages, The Level Of Your Intelligence Is Multiplied A Hundredfold In Other People's Eyes.

The Very First Law In Advertising Is To Avoid The Concrete Promise And Cultivate The Delightfully Vague.

I'm Going Out... Because I Deserve To Go Out! And I'm Going To Get Drunk... Because I Deserve To Get Drunk! And Get Out Of My Way!

Parents Are Not Interested In Justice, They're Interested In Peace And Quiet.

We Spoke To God About The Children, And We Were Afraid To Ask God For Specific Things. We Thought That It Might Be Too Much. So We Said To God 'please Give Us A Healthy Child' And Left It At That, Not Knowing That God Is A Generous God, But Also Has A Sense Of Humor. And If You Leave That Much Open For God, Some Wonderful Jokes Are Going To Come About.

I Said To A Guy, "tell Me, What Is It About Cocaine That Makes It So Wonderful," And He Said, "because It Intensifies Your Personality." I Said, "yes, But What If You're An Asshole?"

You Know The Only People Who Are Always Sure About The Proper Way To Raise Children? Those Who've Never Had Any.

In Spite Of The Seven Thousand Books Of Expert Advice, The Right Way To Disciplne A Child Is Still A Mystery To Most Fathers And...mothers Only Your Grandmother And Genghis Khan Know How To Do It.

My Childhood Should Have Taught Me Lessons For My Own Fatherhood, But It Didn't Because Parenting Can Only Be Learned By People Who Have No Children.

You Can Not Make Everybody Happy.

My Father Established Our Relationship When I Was Seven Years Old. He Looked At Me And Said, “you Know, I Brought You In This World, And I Can Take You Out. And It Don't Make No Difference To Me, I'll Make Another One Look Just Like You.

Kids Need To Remember That When You Put Something On Twitter, It's Not Like Whispering To Your Friend, You've Put It On A Billboard That The Whole World, Including Your Own Kids Someday, Can See.

My Mother Was An Authority On Pig Sties. This Is The Worst Looking Pigsty I Have Ever Seen In My Life, And I Want It Cleaned Up Right Now.

Laughter Brings Out The Child In All Of Us.

When You Introduce Competition Into The Public School System, Most Studies Show That Schools Start To Do Better When They Are Competing For Students.

Poets Have Said That The Reason To Have Children Is To Give Yourself Immortality. Immortality? Now That I Have Five Children, My Only Hope Is That They Are All Out Of The House Before I Die.

My Mother Comes In My Room And Says, "just Look At This Mess! This Is A Pig Sty!" Now, I've Already Been In The Room Five Hours, And She Wants Me To Look At It.

My Grandpa Didn't Believe In Hugging And Kissing, Or Saying I Love You. His Love Had To Do With The Way He Treated You. When He Said, We're Going Here, We're Going There, He Was Telling Me About Life. That Was His Love For Me. My Love For Him Was Listening To What He Said, Keeping Out Of Trouble, Doing Right, Being Fair.

Even Though Your Kids Will Consistently Do The Exact Opposite Of What You're Telling Them To Do, You Have To Keep Loving Them Just As Much.

And Of Course, When You See Your Brother In The Toilet Bowl...there's A Little Voice That Say, 'i Wonder Where He Would Go...'...if It Hadn't Been For His Head.

I Am Not Afraid Of Crashing, My Secret Is . . . Just Before We Hit The Ground, I Jump As High As I Can.

I Don't Wear No Condom And I Don't Plan For No Kids.

The First-born In Every Family Is Always Dreaming For An Imaginary Older Brother Or Sister Who Will Look Out For Them.

I Use The Exercise Room Early, Because I Don't Want To Get On The Treadmill And Everyone's Going 'oh, Bill Cosby,' And Then They Come Around To See How Fast I'm Walking, And It Becomes Very Competitive.

Among The Guitarists, Wes Montgomery Is Fantastic. He's Always Good To Let You Know What The Art Form Is All About. It's The Same Still Life That Everybody Is Painting, But In Comes Wes Montgomery, And It's Right There!

You'll Have Many, Many Friends, But If Your Relationship With Your Mate Is One Hundred Per Cent Of Your Heart, You'll Never Need A Friend.

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