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The Only Place Al Gore Conserves Energy These Days Is On The Treadmill. I Don't Want To Suggest That Al's Getting Big, But The Last Time I Saw Him On Tv I Thought, "that Reminds Me - We Have To Do Something About Saving The Polar Bears." Never Mind His Carbon Footprint - Have You Seen The Size Of Al Gore's Regular Footprint Lately? It's Almost As Deep As Janet Reno's.

-Ann Coulter

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The Only Place Al

Ann Coulter

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The Only Place Al Gore Conserves Energy These Days Is On The Treadmill. I Don't Want To Suggest That Al's Getting Big, But The Last Time I Saw Him On Tv I Thought, "that Reminds Me - We Have To Do Something About Saving The Polar Bears." Never Mind His Carbon Footprint - Have You Seen The Size Of Al Gore's Regular Footprint Lately? It's Almost As Deep As Janet Reno's.

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Carbon Footprint

More From Ann Coulter

I'm A Christian First, And A Mean-spirited, Bigoted Conservative Second, And Don't You Ever Forget It.

That Is The Theme Of The Million Mom March: 'i Don't Need A Brain - I've Got A Womb'.

The Only Place Al Gore Conserves Energy These Days Is On The Treadmill. I Don't Want To Suggest That Al's Getting Big, But The Last Time I Saw Him On Tv I Thought, "that Reminds Me - We Have To Do Something About Saving The Polar Bears." Never Mind His Carbon Footprint - Have You Seen The Size Of Al Gore's Regular Footprint Lately? It's Almost As Deep As Janet Reno's.

Carbon Footprint

Either We're Removing A Dictator Who Currently Has Plans To Fund Terrorism Against American Citizens Or -- If Bush Is Completely Wrong And Eleanor Clift Is Completely Right -- We're Just Removing A Dictator Who Plans To Terrorize A Lot Of People In The Region, But Not Americans Specifically. Even For Someone Like Me, Who Doesn't Want America To Be The World's Policeman, The Risk Of Precipitous Action Against Saddam Hussein Doesn't Keep Me Up At Night.

Scott Brown's Victory In Massachusetts Has Got To Have Ted Kennedy Rolling Over In His Grave, Spilling His Drink.

We've Finally Given Liberals A War Against Fundamentalism, And They Don't Want To Fight It. They Would, Except It Would Put Them On The Same Side As The United States.

We Should Invade Their Countries, Kill Their Leaders And Convert Them To Christianity. We Weren't Punctilious About Locating And Punishing Only Hitler And His Top Officers. We Carpet-bombed German Cities; We Killed Civilians. That's War. And This Is War.

A Married Woman, The Safest Place For Any Woman To Be Is At Home With Her Husband.

No Matter What Argument You Make Against Evolution, The Response Is Well, You Know, It's Possible To Believe In Evolution And Believe In God. Yes, And It's Possible To Believe In Spiderman And Believe In God, But That Doesn't Prove Spiderman Is True.

It Would Be A Much Better Country If Women Did Not Vote. That Is Simply A Fact. In Fact, In Every Presidential Election Since 1950 - Except Goldwater In '64 - The Republican Would Have Won, If Only The Men Had Voted.

Anyplace Market Forces Have Been Artificially Removed By The Government There Is A Total Absence Of Incentives, Competition, Effective Oversight, Cost Controls And So On.

...the Definition Of Swiftboating Is: Producing Irrefutable Evidence That A Democrat Is Lying.

If You Don't Hate Clinton And The People Who Labored To Keep Him In Office, You Don't Love Your Country.

Even If Evolution Were True, It Wouldn't Disprove God. God Has Performed More Spectacular Feats Than Evolution. It's Not Even A Daunting Challenge To A Belief In God. If You Want Something That Complicates A Belief In God, Try Coming To Terms With Michael Moore Being One Of God's Special Creatures.

There Are Some Honorable Politicians; And God Bless Them, There Aren't Many Of Them - But They're Narcissistic. They Need People To Love Them.

If Liberals Were Prevented From Ever Again Calling Republicans Dumb, They Would Be Robbed Of Half Their Arguments. To Be Sure, They Would Still Have Racist, Fascist, Homophobe, Ugly, And A Few Other Highly Nuanced Arguments In The Quiver. But The Loss Of Dumb Would Nearly Cripple Them.

We Just Want Jews To Be Perfected, As They Say.

Now Liberals Compare Their Every Riot, Every Traffic Blockage, Every Starbucks-window-smashing Street Protest To The Civil Rights Movement -- Which Was Only Necessary Because Of Them.

There Is A Growing Body Of Evidence That Radiation In Excess Of What The Government Says Are The Minimum Amounts We Should Be Exposed To Are Actually Good For You And Reduce Cases Of Cancer.

If John Kerry Had A Dollar For Every Time He Bragged About Serving In Vietnam - Oh Wait, He Does.

In A Comprehensive Study Of All Public Multiple Shooting Incidents In America Between 1977 And 1999, Economists John Lott And Bill Landes Found That The Only Public Policy That Reduced Both The Incidence And Casualties Of Such Shootings Were Concealed-carry Laws. Not Only Are There 60 Percent Fewer Gun Massacres After States Adopt Concealed-carry Laws, But The Death And Injury Rate Of Such Rampages Are Reduced By 80 Percent.

We Didn't Raise This Issue, The Courts Raised It. The Courts Jammed It Down Our Throats, At The Risk Of Insulting Any Of My Gay Male Fans.

Judging By Their Positions At The Time, Rather Than Their Post Hoc Allegations, Democrats Adored The Soviet Union. Congressional Democrats Repeatedly Opposed Funding Anti-communist Rebels, They Opposed Reagan's Military Build-up, They Opposed Building A Shield To Protect America From Incoming Missiles, They Opposed Putting Missiles In Europe. As A Rule, Democrats Opposed Anything Opposed By Their Cherished Soviet Union.

Liberals Want The Family Destroyed, They Want Religion Destroned, Because Then You Have Loyalty Directly To The State.

Political Debate With Liberals Is Basically Impossible In America Today Because Liberals Are Calling Names While Conservatives Are Trying To Make Arguments.

This Is What Christians Consider Themselves: Perfected Jews.

When Obama Boasts That It Will Be A Huge Boon To The Economy To Give Amnesty To Millions Of Low-wage Workers, Who Won't Pay Income Taxes But Will Need A Lot Of Government Services, Remember: Obamacare Was Supposed To Save Money, Too.

If Liberals Think They Are Losing Elections Because Of The Conservative Bias In The Media, They May As Well Give Up Right Now.

Diversity" Is A Difficulty To Be Overcome, Not An Advantage To Be Sought. True, America Does A Better Job Than Most At Accommodating A Diverse Population. We Also Do A Better Job At Curing Cancer And Containing Pollution. But No One Goes Around Mindlessly Exclaiming: "cancer Is A Strength!" "pollution Is Our Greatest Asset!

According To The California Hospital Association, Health Care For Illegal Aliens Is Costing State Taxpayers Well Over $1 Billion A Year. Eighty-four Hospitals Across California Have Already Been Forced To Close Because Of Unpaid Bills By Illegal Aliens.

If You Can Somehow Force A Liberal Into A Point-counterpoint Argument, His Retorts Will Bear No Relation To What You’ve Said - Unless You Were In Fact Talking About Your Looks, Your Age, Your Weight, Your Personal Obsessions, Or Whether You Are A Fascist. In The Famous Liberal Two-step, They Leap From One Idiotic Point To The Next, So You Can Never Nail Them. It’s Like Arguing With Someone With Attention Deficit Disorder.

The Media Will Spend Weeks Going Through Pay Stubs For Bush's National Guard Service In Alabama In The Waning Days Of War, But If Kerry Tells Them Exotic Tales Of Covert Missions Into Cambodia Directed By Richard Nixon, They Don't Even Bother To Fact-check Who Was President In December 1968.

Ironically, Since Obama Was Elected, For The First Time In My Life I'm Sometimes Not Proud Of My Country.

A False Argument Should Be Refuted, Not Named. That's The Basic Idea Behind Freedom Of Speech. Arguments By Name-calling, Rather Than Truth And Light, Can Generally Be Presumed Fraudulent.

Even If Corners Were Cut, (iran-contra) Was A Brilliant Scheme. There Is No Possibility That Anyone In Any Democratic Administration Would Have Gone To Such Lengths To Fund Anti-communist Forces. When Democrats Scheme From The White House, It's To Cover Up The President's Affair With An Intern. When Republicans Scheme, It's To Support Embattled Anti-communist Freedom Fighters Sold Out By The Democrats.

We Need To Execute People Like (john Walker Lindh) In Order To Physically Intimidate Liberals.

Cbs Is Planning A Tribute To Dan Rather... The Memo Went Out A Month Ago But Everyone Assumed It Was A Fake.

Four Years Of Jimmy Carter Gave Us Two Titanic Reagan Landslides, Peace And Prosperity For Eight Blessed Years - And Even A Third Term For His Feckless Vice President, George H.w. Bush.

My Only Regret With Timothy Mcveigh Is He Did Not Go To The New York Times Building.

Married Women Vote Republican; Single Women Vote Democratic. That's Why Liberals Promote Policies To Break Up Families. Every Social Malady Is A Victory For The Left. A Couple Gets Divorced And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!" A Child Is Born Out Of Wedlock And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!" A Person Gets Addicted To Drugs And Liberals Say, "yay! Another Democratic Voter!"

I Cut Through The Nonsense With The Blinding Light Of Truth.

No Torture Has Yet Been Devised That Could Get A Liberal To Mention The Poor, Beleaguered Kurds Dancing In The Streets Because Saddam Is Gone.

When Conservative Judges Strike Down Laws, It's Because Of What's In The Constitution. When Liberal Judges Strike Down Laws (or Impose New Laws), It's Because Of What's In The New York Times

If Americans Loved Judicial Activism, Liberals Wouldn't Be Lying About What It Is. Judicial Activism Means Making Up Constitutional Rights In Order To Strike Down Laws The Justices Don't Like Based On Their Personal Preferences. It's Not Judicial Activism To Strike Down Laws Because They Violate The Constitution.

When We Were At Peace, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now There's A War, So Democrats Want To Raise Taxes. When There Was A Surplus, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now That There Is A Mild Recession, Democrats Want To Raise Taxes.

Yet, When Republicans Were Finally Able To Push Through Tough Policies On Crime And Welfare Which They'd Supported For Decades, They Were Magnificent Successes For The Entire Country, But Especially For Black People. Release Us, And Great Things Will Happen!

Liberals Could Live Their Whole Lives Never Having To Hear An Actual Conservative Opinion Other Than The Idiotic Arguments Written For Conservative Characters On Aaron Sorkin's Little Teleplays.

I'm Against Reparations. At This Point, Blacks Should Just Be Handing Money To Themselves.

That Is Obama's Signature Move: Invent People Who Are Saying Ridiculous Things And Then Encourage The Audience To Laugh At These Made-up Buffoons.

The Infernal Flag-waving After 9/11 Nearly Drove Liberals Out Of Their Gourds. For The Left, 'flag-waving' Is An Epithet.

I Support Guns And I Support The Death Penalty. Half Of My Interviews Are Convincing Liberals They're Not Liberal.

The Tolerant Liberal Suddenly Becomes Very Intolerant When Their Official Religion Is Challenged.

Words Mean Nothing To Liberals. They Say Whatever Will Help Advance Their Cause At The Moment, Switch Talking Points In A Heartbeat, And Then Act Indignant If Anyone Uses The Exact Same Argument They Were Using Five Minutes Ago.

I Am The Illegal Alien Of Commentary. I Will Do The Jokes That No One Else Will Do.

Republicans Are Afraid To Act In Accordance With The Election Results. Republicans Seem To Be In Denial About Election Results. It's One Thing For Democrats To Be In Denial About The Republican Electoral Juggernaut, But It's Strange That Republicans Are In Denial About It Too.

Election Results

Listening To Liberals Invoke The Sanctity Of "science" To Promote Their Crackpot Ideas Creates The Same Uneasy Feeling As Listening To Bill Clinton Cite Scripture.

Democrats Always Assure Us That Deterrence Will Work, But When The Time Comes To Deter, They're Against It.

...liberals Said The War Was A Failure Because We Hadn't Captured Abu Musab Al-zarqawi. Then We Killed Al-zarqawi And A Half-dozen Of His Aides In An Air Raid. Then They Said The War Was A Failure Because ... You Get The Picture.

The Episcopalians Don't Demand Much In The Way Of Actual Religious Belief. They Have Girl Priests, Gay Priests, Gay Bishops, Gay Marriages? It's Much Like The New York Times Editorial Board. They Acknowledge The Ten Commandments? Or "moses' Talking Points"? But Hasten To Add That They're Not Exactly "carved In Stone."

If We're So Cruel To Minorities, Why Do They Keep Coming Here? Why Aren't They Sneaking Across The Mexican Border To Make Their Way To The Taliban?

I Think Being Called A She-devil By A Trial Lawyer Is Meant As A Compliment.

Everything That Liberals Want They Call A Civil Right. This Avoids Them Having To Argue About It And Puts The Halo Around The Issue.

So I Think All Gays Who Are Born Gay Are Overwhelming Conservative, Maybe Apolitical, And All Those Angry Gays, Causing Trouble For Everybody, I Don't Think They Were Born Gay. I Think They Are Just Angry At Their Fathers.

There's Been Another Mass Shooting By A Crazy Person, And Liberals Still Refuse To Consider Institutionalizing The Dangerously Mentally Ill.

Moderation In The Defense Of Liberty Is No Virtue.

Gore Said Foreigners Are Not Worried About 'what The Terrorist Networks Are Going To Do, But About What We're Going To Do.' Good. They Should Be Worried. They Hate Us? We Hate Them. Americans Don't Want To Make Islamic Fanatics Love Us. We Want To Make Them Die. There's Nothing Like Horrendous Physical Pain To Quell Anger. Japanese Kamikazes Pilots Hated Us Once, Too. A Couple Of Well-aimed Nuclear Weapons Got Their Attention. Now They Are Gentle Little Lambs.

I Never Wanted To Be Famous And The Only Part I Like Is That It Means People Are Reading My Books And Listening To Me On Tv And Radio.

As The Saying Goes: God Made Man And Woman; Colonel Colt Made Them Equal.

With The Terrible Earthquake And Resulting Tsunami That Have Devastated Japan, The Only Good News Is That Anyone Exposed To Excess Radiation From The Nuclear Power Plants Is Now Probably Much Less Likely To Get Cancer.

Once Man's Connection To The Divine Is Denied, You Can Reason Yourself From Here To Anywhere.

If Colleges Wanted To Admit Only Legacies, Or Only Tuba Players, Or Only People Who Got Astonishingly Low Sat Scores ' To Ensure Some Of Their Graduates Would Be U.s. Senators One Day ' The Constitution Wouldn't Stop Them. What The States, Including State Colleges, Cannot Do Under The Constitution Is Discriminate On The Basis Of Race.

This Is What Christianity Is. We Believe The Old Testament, But Ours Is More Like Federal Express. You Have To Obey Laws.

That Is [liberalism's] Goal - To Destroy The Family... [liberals] Just Made Up This Gay Marriage Thing Gays Are Natural Conservatives.

But Ultimately, The Purpose Of Marriage Is To Transmit Civilization To The Next Generation. There Has Never Been An Institution That Does It As Well As Marriage, And That Is Marriage Between A Man And A Woman.

...sean Penn Claimed To Be 'serv[ing] The Country' By Giving Aid And Comfort To An Enemy About To Be Attacked By The Us. He Said It Made Him Feel More Patriotic To Dissent From The War Aims Of His Nation. It Is At Least A Counterintuitive Position. Most People Would Not Instantly Grasp How It Is More Patriotic To Always Root Against America. White Supremacists Should Try Claiming That Burning Crosses Is More Supportive Of Civil Rights Than Not Burning Them.

I Promise You: No American Whose Great-grandfather Was Born Here Is Watching Soccer. One Can Only Hope That, In Addition To Learning English, These New Americans Will Drop Their Soccer Fetish With Time.

When A Feminist As Strident As Garofalo Is Defending The Hussein Regime, You Have To Wonder If Her Newfound Sobriety Has Hit A Rough Patch.

I Am Not The First To Note The Vast Differences Between The Wall Street Protesters And The Tea Partiers. To Name Three: The Tea Partiers Have Jobs, Showers And A Point.

[liberals] Are Always Accusing Us Of Repressing Their Speech. I Say Let's Do It. Let's Repress Them. ... Frankly, I'm Not A Big Fan Of The First Amendment.

When Contemplating College Liberals, You Really Regret Once Again That John Walker Is Not Getting The Death Penalty.we Need To Execute People Like John Walker In Order To Physically Intimidate Liberals, By Making Them Realize That They Can Be Killed Too. Otherwise They Will Turn Out To Be Outright Traitors.

Moore's Only Concession To The Democrats' Role-playing Is To Deny That He Is A Democrat, Hoping Enough Americans Were Taught By Public School Teachers That No One Will Know How To Look Up Moore's Voter Registration Card. Democrat.

It's Impossible To Talk Without Labels. "dog" Is A Label, But That Doesn't Mean It's Meaningless, Nor Does It Mean There's No Difference In A Shih Tzu And A Doberman.

Our Gays Are More Macho Than Their Straights.

At Every Other Workplace In The Nation - Even Mal-mart! - Workers Are Being Laid Off. But No One At Any Of The Bloated Government Bureaucracies Ever Need Fear Receiving A Pink Slip. All 64,750 Employees At The Department Of Health And Human Services Are Apparently Absolutely Crucial To The Smooth Functioning Of The Department.

Fundamentalist Muslim Terrorists Kill Three Thousand Americans, But America Isn't Supposed To Respond, Because If We Respond, They'll Respond. We Always Hear About 'karmic Retributions' And The 'cycle Of Violence' Only After We've Been Hit.

Gay Marriage Is A Tricky Issue For The Democrats Due To The Fact That - Like Taxes, Defense And Education - They Are Forced To Lie About Their Position When Running For Office. In Other Words, Democrats Are Gay Marriage Supporters Trapped In The Bodies Of Candidates Who Oppose Gay Marriage. And No Issue-reassignment Surgery Can Help Them.

There Is No More A 'political Middle' Than There Is A Family In America With 2.3 Children. People With Opinions Take Sides. Contrary To What You've Heard, It's Actually More Important To Stand For Something Than It Is For Everybody To 'just Get Along'.

The Presumption Of Innocence Only Means You Don't Go Right To Jail.

Presumption Of Innocence

We Have Way Too Many Lawyers, The Price For Them Has Plummeted And You Will Have A Miserable And Unsatisfying Life. Unless You Get Into Harvard Law. You Could Be In A Yurt On The Mongolian Plateau And They'll Say, "oh You Must Be Smart. You Went To Harvard Law."

Women Like Pamela Harriman And Patricia Duff Are Basically Anna Nicole Smith From The Waist Down. Let's Just Call It For What It Is. They're Whores.

The New York Times And The Rest Of The Mainstream Media Will Only Refer To Partial Birth Abortion As 'what Its Opponents Refer To As Partial Birth Abortions.' What Do Its Supporters Call It? Casual Fridays? Bean-with-bacon Potato Chip Dip? Uh . . . Steve?

Liberal Moms Like Soccer Because It's A Sport In Which Athletic Talent Finds So Little Expression That Girls Can Play With Boys. No Serious Sport Is Co-ed, Even At The Kindergarten Level.

Do You Know What Christianity Is? We Believe Your Religion [judaism], But You [jews] Have To Obey.

Americans Cannot Comprehend How Their Fellow Countrymen Could Not Love Their Country. But The Left's Anti-americanism Is Intrinsic To Their Entire Worldview. Liberals Promote The Right Of Islamic Fanatics For The Same Reason They Promote The Rights Of Adulterers, Pornographers, Abortionists, Criminals, And Communists. They Instinctively Root For Anarchy Against Civilization. The Inevitable Logic Of The Liberal Position Is To Be For Treason.

This Is The Difference Between Conservatives And Liberals. Liberals Want Justices To Vote A Certain Way. We, Conservatives, Want A Particular Legal Philosophy, A Philosophy For How To Interpret The Constitution.

Enjoy Most: The Prospect Of Having An Impact On The Public Debate. Irritating Liberals Is A Close Second.

I Think The Government Should Be Spying On All Arabs, Engaging In Torture As A Televised Spectator Sport, Dropping Daisy Cutters Wantonly Throughout The Middle East And Sending Liberals To Guantanamo.

[senator]torricelli [d-nj] Will Leave Public Office With Just The Clothes On His Back, A Rolex Watch And Other Assorted Jewelry, A Tv Set, A Couple Of Racks Of Italian Suits, Some Jets Tickets, A Grandfather Clock And Three Paper Sacks Filled With Small, Unmarked Bills.

When You Try To Figure Out What The Religious Right Is, It Ultimately Comes Down Either To One Man, Pat Robertson, Or Anyone Who Believes In A Higher Being And Wants Their Taxes Cut.

The Reason Any Conservative's Failing Is Always Major News Is That It Allows Liberals To Engage In Their Very Favorite Taunt: Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy Is The Only Sin That Really Inflames Them. Inasmuch As Liberals Have No Morals, They Can Sit Back And Criticize Other People For Failing To Meet The Standards That Liberals Simply Renounce. It's An Intriguing Strategy. By Openly Admitting To Being Philanderers, Draft Dodgers, Liars, Weasels And Cowards, Liberals Avoid Ever Being Hypocrites.

Obama Said, 'now Let Me Be Clear, Issues Of Women's Equality Are By No Means Simply An Issue For Islam.' No, He Said, 'the Struggle For Women's Equality Continues In Many Aspects Of American Life.' So On One Hand, 12-year-old Girls Are Stoned To Death For The Crime Of Being Raped In Muslim Countries. But On The Other Hand, We Still Don't Have Enough Female Firefighters Here In America.

As President, Clinton Sold Burial Plots In Arlington Cemetery And Liberals Shrugged It Off. What Really Gets Their Goat Is The Autopen. Evidently, The Important Thing Was That Every One Of Those Pardons Clinton Sold For Cash On His Last Day In Office Was Signed By Bill Clinton Personally.

Usually The Nonsense Liberals Spout Is Kind Of Cute, But In Wartime Their Instinctive Idiocy Is Life-threatening.

Liberals Have Managed To Eliminate The Idea Of Manly Honor. Instead, All They Have Is Womanly Indignation.

The Fact That A Republican Is In The Late Senator Kennedy's Old Seat Probably Must Have Him Rolling In His Grave, Probably Spilling His Drink.

Ed "the Truth Is Illegal" Markey Responded To Teamster Support For Anwr By Dismissively Sniffing, It Was Only "one Issue." Luckily, The Democrats Have All Those Other Issues Dear To The Heart Of The Average Blue-collar Worker: Abortion On Demand, Gay Marriage And Taxpayer-funded Crucifixes Submerged In Urine.

All Democrats For The Last 30 Years Have Tried To Stimulate The Economy By Giving 'tax Cuts' To People Who Don't Pay Taxes.

Much Of The Left's Hate Speech Bears Greater Similarity To A Psychological Disorder Than To Standard Political Discourse. The Hatred Is Blinding, Producing Logical Contradictions That Would Be Impossible To Sustain Were It Not For The Central Element Faith Plays In The Left's New Religion. The Basic Tenet Of Their Faith Is This: Maybe They Were Wrong About Their Facts And Policies, But They Are Good And Conservatives Are Evil. You Almost Want To Give It To Them. It's All They Have Left.

Psychological Disorders

If I'm Going To Say Anything About John Edwards In The Future, I'll Just Wish He Had Been Killed In A Terrorist Assassination Plot.

Liberals Hate America, They Hate "flag-wavers", They Hate Abortion Opponents, They Hate All Religions Except Islam (post 9/11). Even Islamic Terrorists Don't Hate America Like Liberals Do. They Don't Have The Energy. If They Had That Much Energy, They'd Have Indoor Plumbing By Now.

In June 2002, Airport Security Searched Al Gore. There's A Lot Not To Like About Gore, But He's Not A Terrorist. Gore Said He Was Glad He Was Searched. Why? To Spare A Terrorist The Trouble? This Is A Serious National Issue; Why Must Liberals Lie? Searching Al Gore Is Purely A Religious Act. It Is The Purposeless Fetishistic Performance Of Ritual In Accordance With The Civic Religion Of Liberalism.

By 1973, John Kerry Had Already Accused American Soldiers Of Committing War Crimes In Vietnam, Thrown Someone Else's Medals To The Ground In An Anti-war Demonstration, And Married His First Heiress.

Liberals Hate Religion Because Politics Is A Religion Substitute For Liberals And They Can't Stand The Competition.

Contempt Is The Emotion We Feel For An Opponent Whose Arguments Are Too Formidable To Refute.

The Afghan "negotiation Phase" Immediately Precedes The Traditional Afghan "surrender Phase." This Entails The Following: The Defeated Party Surrenders And Then Comes Out Shooting. This Is Repeated Several Times. Finally, The Vanquished Party Runs Out Of Ammunition And Is Forced To Surrender ' But Seriously This Time ' At Which Point The Victors Kill The Foreigners And Hug Their Fellow Afghans Like Long-lost Brothers.

These Days, Even A Moderate Democrat Is Someone Who Thinks You Shouldn't Be Taught Fisting Until You're At Least 12 Years Old.

Hearing Politicians Tell Us We Can't Afford A Tax Cut Is Like Listening To A Glutton Tell You He Can't Afford A Diet. In No Other Context Do People Talk About Paying For Money They Don't Have. I Can't Pay For Your Refusal To Give Me Money Because I Need A Yacht.

I Was Morose That The Era Of Barack Obama Has Returned Us To A Period Where Everything Is Racist, Everyone Is Walking On Eggshells, And You Get The Moral Preening From White Liberals Who Don't Actually Even Know Any Black People. But, Oh, Do They Love To Get On Their High Horses And Accuse Republicans Of Being Racist For Opposing Very Liberal Government Policies And A Very Liberal Democratic President. It's An Extension Of The Civil Rights Label Being Slapped On Gay Marriage And Abortion. Allow Me To Be Bi-partisan For A Moment, And Love This Moment Because It Won't Last Long.

I Am Emboldened By My Looks To Say Things Republican Men Wouldn't.

If Those Kids Had Been Carrying Guns They Would Have Gunned Down This One Gunman... Don't Pray. Learn To Use Guns.

The Really Amazing Part, To Me, Was When Florida Made It Into The Final Four, The Democrats Didn't Demand A Recount.

Canada Has Become Trouble Recently ... It's Always The Worst Americans Who Go There ... We Could Have Taken Them Over So Easy. But I Only Want The Western Part, With The Ski Areas, The Cowboys, And The Right Wingers. They're The Only Good Parts Of Canada.

Liberals Say This Over And Over And Over Again To Hide The Actual History, Which Is Why I Go Through The Specifics On The Big Segregationists In The United States Senate, The Ones Who Signed The Southern Manifesto And The Ones Who Voted Against The 1964 Civil Rights Act. There's A Panoply Of Issues To Consider. The First Time They Objected To The Federal Government Doing Something Was When It Came To Civil Rights Legislation. This Is In Stark Contrast To The Very Few Republicans Who Voted Against The '64 Civil Rights Act.

Clinton's Attempt To Socialize Healthcare Was The Second Most Disgusting Thing He Did In The Oval Office. I Can't Remember Was The First Thing Was.

Right Before The Civil War, Only 8% Of White People Owned Slaves. Some Plantations Would Have Hundreds And Hundreds Of Slaves, But The Vast Majority Of Whites Didn't Have Any.

The Not-visibly-insane Democrats All Claim They'll Get Rough With The Terrorists, But They Can't Even Face Brit Hume. In Case You Missed This Profile In Democrat Machismo, The Democratic Presidential Candidates Are Refusing To Participate In A Debate Hosted By Fox News Channel Because The Hosts Are "biased." But They'll Face Down Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! At This, Even Hillary Clinton Was Thinking, "come On, Guys - Let's Grow A Pair."

In The Druidical Religion Of Liberalism, Not Separating Your Recyclables Is A Sin, But Abortion Is Just A Medical Procedure.

The Nonsense About President Obama Being A Muslim Has Got To Stop. I Rise To Defend Him From This Absurd Accusation By Pointing Out That He Is Obviously An Atheist.

The Democrats Are Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy For No Purpose Other Than Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy. There Is No Plausible Explanation For The Democrats' Behavior Other Than That They Long To See U.s. Troops Shot, Humiliated, And Driven From The Field Of Battle.

Guns Are Our Friends Because In A Country Without Guns, I'm What's Known As "prey." All Females Are.

Liberals Are More Upset When A Tree Is Chopped Down Than When A Child Is Aborted. Even If One Rates An Unborn Child Less Than A Full-blown Person, Doesn't The Unborn Child Rate Slightly Higher Than Vegetation?

I'm More Of A Man Than Any Liberal.

The Idea Of A Bowed And Terrified Liberal Minority During Mccarthy's 'reign Of Terror' Is Poppycock. Then As Now, All Elite Opinion Was Against Mccarthy.

There's Never A Recession If You Work For The Government.

Bush Won The Largest Popular Vote In History With A 3.5 Million Margin. Indeed, Simply By Getting A Majority Of The Country To Vote For Him - The Left's Most Hated Politician Since Richard Nixon - Bush Did Something Rock Star Bill Clinton Never Did. Bush Maintained Or Increased His Vote In Every State But Vermont.

To Be Sure, Conservative Radio Talk Show Hosts Have A Built-in Audience Unavailable To Liberals: People Driving Cars To Some Sort Of Job.

Liberals Never, Ever Drop A Heinous Idea; They Just Change The Name. Abortion Becomes Choice, Communist Becomes Progressive, Communist Dictatorship Becomes People's Democratic Republic And Nikita Khrushchev Becomes Barack Obama.

Vietnam Is The Liberals' Favorite Was Because America Lost

Liberals Despise The Rule Of Law Because It Interferes With Their Ability To Rule By Mob. They Love To Portray Themselves As The Weak Taking On The Powerful. But It Is The Least Powerful Who Suffer The Most Once The Rule Of Law Is Gone.

I Don't Think I Have An Unkind Word For Any.except Muslims. I've Been Cross With Them Since 9/11 2001. I Can't Remember Why But It Was Something Bad.

It Confirms My Idea That You Also Need More Liberal Gun Laws. Guns Lead To A Polite Society, As We Like To Say In The United States. And I Think That All Of Western Canada Would Agree With Me.

Who's Gonna Give Me A Tv Show? I Didn't Work For An Impeached, Disbarred President Who Was Held In Contempt By A Federal Judge. That's What They Look For In Objective Reporters.

There Is No Surer Proof Of Christ's Divinity Than That He Is Still So Hated Some Two Thousand Years After His Death.

Harriet Miers Isn't Qualified To Play A Supreme Court Justice On The West Wing , Let Alone To Be A Real One.

Liberals Love America Like O.j. Loved Nicole

Taxes Are Like Abortion, And Not Just Because Both Are Grotesque Procedures Supported By Democrats. You're For Them Or Against Them. Taxes Go Up Or Down; Government Raises Taxes Or Lowers Them. But Democrats Will Not Let The Words "abortion" Or "tax Hikes" Pass Their Lips.

While The Form Of Treachery Varies Slightly From Case To Case, Liberals Always Manage To Take The Position That Most Undermines American Security.

...while A Sane World Would Not Employ 5-foot-tall Grandmothers As Law Enforcement Officers, A Sane World Would Also Not Give Full Body-cavity Searches To 5-foot-tall Grandmothers At Airports.

In The History Of The Nation, There Has Never Been A Political Party So Ridiculous As Today's Democrats. It's As If All The Brain-damaged People In America Got Together And Formed A Voting Bloc.

Liberals Claim To Love Gays When It Allows Them To Vent Their Spleen At Republicans. But Disagree With Liberals And Their First Response Is To Call You Gay. Liberals Are Gays' Biggest Champions On Issues Most Gays Couldn't Care Less About, Like Gay Marriage Or Taxpayer Funding Of Photos Of Men With Bullwhips Up Their Derrieres. But Who Has Done More To Out, Embarrass, And Destroy The Lives Of Gay Men Who Prefer To Keep Their Orientation Private Than Democrats? Who Is More Intolerant Of Gays In The Republican Party Than Gays In The Democratic Party?

To Expiate The Pain Of Losing Her Firstborn Son In The Iraq War, Cindy Sheehan Decided To Cheer Herself Up By Engaging In Stalinist Agitprop Outside President Bush's Crawford Ranch, ... It's The Strangest Method Of Grieving I've Seen Since Paul Wellstone's Funeral. Someone Needs To Teach These Liberals How To Mourn.

On One Hand, Liberals Are Enraged At The Heinousness Of Mark Sanford - Whom They Didn't Vote For - For Not Resigning And, On The Other, They're Enraged At Palin - Whom They Also Didn't Vote For - For Resigning.

You Want To Be Careful Not To Become Just A Blowhard.

It's Just Like A Liberal, They Import Slaves, They Hold Slaves, They Fight For Slavery, They Go To War In A Civil War To Defend Slavery. They Then Install Legal Discrimination Against Blacks For A Hundred Years.

[liberals] Think They Can Pass A Law Eliminating Guns And Nuclear Weapons, But Teenagers Having Sex Is Completely Beyond Our Control.

Democrats Should Run Mahmoud Ahmadinejad For President. He's More Coherent Than Dennis Kucinich, He Dresses Like Their Base, He's More Macho Than John Edwards, And He's Willing To Show Up At A Forum Where He Might Get One Hostile Question - Unlike The Current Democratic Candidates For President Who Won't Debate On Fox News Channel. He's Not Married To An Impeached President, And The Name Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Is Surely No More Frightening Than B. Hussein Obama.

But All Liberals Only Have Empathy For The Exact Same Victims - Always The Ones That Are Represented By Powerful Liberal Interest Groups.

Since Vice President Al Gore Is Constantly Making Things Up, It Should Come As No Surprise That He Wants Supreme Court Justices Who Will Do The Same. As Gore Put It, He Will Appoint Judges Who View The Constitution As A 'document That Grows'.

The Only Important Lesson From The Vietnam War Is This: Democrats Lose Wars.

When Contemplating A Shield That Would Protect America For Incoming Missiles, Democrats Suddenly Became Hardheaded Fiscal Conservatives. For The First Time In Recorded History, Liberals Were Concerned About The Cost And Usefulness Of A Government Program. These People Believe Federally Funded Art Therapy For The Homeless Will Pay For Itself. That You Can Take To The Bank. But A Shield To Repel Incoming Nuclear Missiles From American Soil They Said, Was Too Expensive And Wouldn't Work.

I've Decided To Cut Out The Part Of The Speech Where I Say Anything Nice About Democrats.

A Cruise Missile Is More Important Than Head Start.

In The Corporeal World, International Law Is Whatever The United States And Great Britain Say It Is.

I Would Like Evolution To Join The Roster Of Other Discredited Religions...

The Man Responsible For Keeping Americans Safe From Another Terrorist Attack On American Soil For Nearly Seven Years Now Will Go Down In History As One Of America's Greatest Presidents.

I Highly Approve Of Romney's Decision To Be Kind And Gentle To The Retard.

Only A War That Serves No Conceivable National Interest Gets The New York Time's Endorsement. Liberals Warm To The Idea Of American Mothers Weeping For Their Sons, But Only If Their Deaths Will Not Make America Any Safer.

I Think Obama Has Redefined The Democratic Party. It Used To Be The Party Of Acid, Amnesty, And Abortion, And Now It's Surrender, Socialism, And Subprime Mortgages.

Liberals Love To Strike Generous, Humanitarian Poses With Other People's Lives.

No Science Is Ever Frightening To Christians. Religious People Don't Need The Science To Come Out Any Particular Way On Iq Or Aids Or Sex Differences Any More Than They Need The Science To Come Out Any Particular Way On Evolution...if Evolution Is True, Then God Created Evolution.

In The Very Next Election, The American People Elected 63 New Republicans To The House Of Representatives - The Largest Sweep Of Congress For Any Party Since 1948. Even Liberal Massachusetts Elected A Republican Senator Solely Because Of His Vow To Vote Against Obamacare.

I Think [whitewater]'s Going To Prevent The First Lady From Running For Senate.

Liberals Believe In Burning The American Flag, Urinating On Crucifixes, And Passing Out Birth Control Pills To 11-year-olds Without Telling Their Parents -- But God Forbid An Infidel Touch A Quran At Guantanamo.

Lawyers Tend To Be Bright People. They Tend To Be-much More Than Many Journalists I've Encountered-sticklers For Detail And Accuracy, And They Have A Logical Way Of Arguing.

Liberals Don't Have To Emerge From The Hot Tub And Start Attending Nascar Races Or - God Forbid - Church, But It Would Be Nice If They'd Stop Lying All The Time.

Anorexics Never Have Boyfriends. ... That's One Way To Know You Don't Have Anorexia, If You Have A Boyfriend.

Democrats Don't Resent The Rich On Behalf Of The Poor. They Resent The Rich On Behalf Of The Government.

Because Of All Our Presidents, Barack Obama Is The One Most Likely To Be Descended From A Slave Trader, Since Kenya Had A Major Slave-trading Port, And The Muslims Were Heavily Involved In The Slave Trade.

In Response To Skyrocketing Gas Prices, Liberals Say, Practically In Unison, 'we Can't Drill Our Way Out Of This Crisis.' What Does That Mean? This Is Like Telling A Starving Man, 'you Can't Eat Your Way Out Of Being Hungry!' 'you Can't Water Your Way Out Of Drought!' 'you Can't Sleep Your Way Out Of Tiredness!' 'you Can't Drink Yourself Out Of Dehydration!' Seriously, What Does It Mean? Finding More Oil Isn't Going To Increase The Supply Of Oil? It Is The Typical Democratic Strategy To Babble Meaningless Slogans, As If They Have A Plan. Their Plan Is: The Permanent Twilight Of The Human Race.

Obamacare Would Never Have Passed Without Decades Of Massive Immigration From The Third World. Liberals Didn't Change Any Minds - They Changed The Voters.

Already Liberals Are Trying To Rewrite The History Of The Cold War To Remove Reagan From Its Core, To Make Him A Doddering B-movie Actor Who Happened To Be Standing There When The Soviet Union Imploded. They Have The Media, The Universities, The Textbooks. We Have Ourselves. We Are The Witnesses.

It’s Often Said That Those Who Are Unduly Bothered By Gays Are Latent Homosexuals. Isn’t It Possible That People Obsessed With Racism Are Themselves Racist.

With Albright At The Helm Of The State Department, Osama Bin Laden Ran Wild Throughout The Middle East, The North Koreans Began Feverishly Building Nukes Under Her Nose, And We Staged A Pre-emptive Attack Solely For Purposes Of Regime Change Based On False Information Presented To The American People By Albright About A World Leader Who Was Not An Imminent Threat To The United States. Slobodan Milosevic Wasn't Even A Latent, Long-term, Hypothetical Threat.

I Might Be In Favor Of National Healthcare If It Required All Democrats To Get Their Heads Examined.

Instead Of 'counterrevolutionaries,' Liberals' Opponents Are Called 'haters,' 'those Who Seek To Divide Us,' 'tea Baggers,' And 'right-wing Hate Groups.' Meanwhile, Conservatives Call Liberals 'liberals'-and That Makes Them Testy.

Do Not Allow Democrats Anywhere Near Foreign Policy. Not Even To Keep Them Away From Domestic Policy. It's A Mistake To Ask Those Who Don't Even Like Democracy To Defend It.

If You Attack The Clintons Publicly, Make Sure All Your Friends Know That You Are Not Planning Suicide, That You're Not Careless When You Drive A Car.

Since Liberals Never Print Retractions, They Can Say Anything. What They Said In The Past Is Always Deemed Inadmissible And Unfair To Quote.

David Axelrod Says We Need To Inspire More Young People To Be Journalists? How About Inspiring Journalists To Be Journalists?

The Only Question I'd Be Interested In Is What Books Other Celebrities Have Read Recently, Which Is Part Of My Campaign To Promote Reading.

I Give Speeches At Megachurches Across America, And The One Thing That's Really Striking About It Is How Utterly, Completely Diverse They Are, And Completely Unself-consciously. At These Huge Megachurches The Idea That The More Christian You Are, The Less Tolerant You Would Be Is Preposterous.

Liberals Are Hopping Mad Because Rush Limbaugh Referred To Phony Soldiers As "phony Soldiers." They Claim He Was Accusing All Democrats In The Military Of Being "phony." True, All Democrats In The Military Are Not Phony Soldiers, But All Phony Soldiers Seem To Be Democrats.

Hollywood Liberals Could Not Be Reached For Comment On The Cost Of The Inauguration Because They Were Being Fitted For Gowns And Jewelry Worth Millions Of Dollars In Anticipation Of Oscar Night.

The Most Crazed Religious Fanatic Argues In More Calm And Reasoned Tones Than Liberals Responding To Statistics On Concealed-carry Permits.

In The Spirit Of Reaching Across The Aisle, We Owe It To The Democrats To Show Their President The Exact Same Kind Of Respect And Loyalty That They Have Shown Our Recent Republican President.

The Democrats Have No Actual Policy Proposals Of Their Own Unless Constant Carping Counts As A Policy.

It Is An Article Of Faith With The Democrats That They Must Fool Americans By Simulating Agreement With Normal People. The Winner Of The Democratic Primary Is Always The Candidate Who Does The Best Impersonation Of An American.

You Know, Ok, I Made A Few Jokes - And They Killed 3000 Americans. Fair Trade.

The Counties With The Highest Per Capita Income Aren't Near New York City Or Los Angeles - They're In The Washington, D.c. Area - A One-company Town Where The Company Is The Government. The Three Counties With The Highest Incomes In The Entire Country Are All Suburbs Of Washington. Eleven Of The 25 Counties With The Highest Incomes Are Near Washington.

You Can Describe Christianity And You Can Also Describe Liberalism. Christianity Has Certain Beliefs, Tenets, Doctrines. Not All Christians Are Always Living Up To Them. Similarly, Not All Liberals Are Living Up To The Tenets Of Liberalism.

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