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Only A War That Serves No Conceivable National Interest Gets The New York Time's Endorsement. Liberals Warm To The Idea Of American Mothers Weeping For Their Sons, But Only If Their Deaths Will Not Make America Any Safer.

-Ann Coulter

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Only A War That

Ann Coulter

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Only A War That Serves No Conceivable National Interest Gets The New York Time's Endorsement. Liberals Warm To The Idea Of American Mothers Weeping For Their Sons, But Only If Their Deaths Will Not Make America Any Safer.

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At Least When Right-wingers Rant There's A Point.

Liberals Could Live Their Whole Lives Never Having To Hear An Actual Conservative Opinion Other Than The Idiotic Arguments Written For Conservative Characters On Aaron Sorkin's Little Teleplays.

Liberals Compare Jerry Falwell To The Taliban, But Then Are Furious With George Bush For Not Being Jesus Christ. Evidently, What A President Is Supposed To Do When The Girls Are Scared Is Develop Complete Omniscience And Omnipotence. Thus, The Media Repeatedly Expound Upon The Proposition That What Bush Should Have Done In Response To The Anthrax Mailings Is: Instantly Produce The Culprits And Put An End To This Madness!

My Hobby (politics) Has Become My Life. I Have The Greatest Life Imaginable. I Think I Have A Greater Life Than Anyone In The Universe, In Fact.

If A University Official's Letter Accusing A Speaker Of Having A Proclivity To Commit Speech Crimes Before She's Given The Speech - Which Then Leads To Facebook Postings Demanding That Ann Coulter Be Hurt, A Massive Riot And A Police-ordered Cancellation Of The Speech - Is Not Hate Speech, Then There Is No Such Thing As Hate Speech.

Here's A Foolproof Method For Keeping America Safe. Always Do The Exact 180-degree Opposite Of Whatever [jimmy] Carter Says, As Quickly As Possible.

The Most Crazed Religious Fanatic Argues In More Calm And Reasoned Tones Than Liberals Responding To Statistics On Concealed-carry Permits.

This Is What Christianity Is. We Believe The Old Testament, But Ours Is More Like Federal Express. You Have To Obey Laws.

The Democrats Have No Actual Policy Proposals Of Their Own Unless Constant Carping Counts As A Policy.

Democrats Always Assure Us That Deterrence Will Work, But When The Time Comes To Deter, They're Against It.

Blacks Have A Special History, Since They Were Enslaved And Were Here As Early As The First Americans. I Hate To Sound Like A Liberal But These Are Facts. That Makes Blacks A Special Group.

In California, The Fabulously Rich Support The Poor With Government Jobs, Paid For By The Middle Class Which Is Now Living In Arizona.

Since Vice President Al Gore Is Constantly Making Things Up, It Should Come As No Surprise That He Wants Supreme Court Justices Who Will Do The Same. As Gore Put It, He Will Appoint Judges Who View The Constitution As A 'document That Grows'.

Obama Said, 'now Let Me Be Clear, Issues Of Women's Equality Are By No Means Simply An Issue For Islam.' No, He Said, 'the Struggle For Women's Equality Continues In Many Aspects Of American Life.' So On One Hand, 12-year-old Girls Are Stoned To Death For The Crime Of Being Raped In Muslim Countries. But On The Other Hand, We Still Don't Have Enough Female Firefighters Here In America.

The Presumption Of Innocence Only Means You Don't Go Right To Jail.

Presumption Of Innocence

We Didn't Raise This Issue, The Courts Raised It. The Courts Jammed It Down Our Throats, At The Risk Of Insulting Any Of My Gay Male Fans.

I Think There Are More Transgendered In America Than There Are People Who Worry About The Comfort And Security Who Broke In Our Country Illegally, Who Are Living Here Illegally, Are Taking Jobs Illegally, How Quickly It Moves Doesn't Really Matter.

Historically, The Best Way To Convert Liberals Is To Have Them Move Out Of Their Parents' Home, Get A Job, And Start Paying Taxes.

A Word To Those Of You Out There Who Have Yet To Be Offended By Something I Have Said: Please Be Patient. I Am Working As Fast As I Can.

The Question Isn't Whether We 'need' Guns. It's Wether The Government Should Have A Monopoly On Force

They Spent The Night In Jail, Where Their Progressive Views On Gay Marriage Served Them Well.

It's Just Like A Liberal, They Import Slaves, They Hold Slaves, They Fight For Slavery, They Go To War In A Civil War To Defend Slavery. They Then Install Legal Discrimination Against Blacks For A Hundred Years.

But All Liberals Only Have Empathy For The Exact Same Victims - Always The Ones That Are Represented By Powerful Liberal Interest Groups.

For Decades Now, [fuller] Torrey Has Been Warning America What Would Happen If The Dangerously Mentally Ill Were Deinstitutionalized, And It's All Come True. Today, The Only Place We Can Put Mental Patients Is On Msnbc.

The Spirit Of The First Amendment Has Been Effectively Repealed For Conservative Speech By A Censorious, Accusatory Mob.

Hearing Politicians Tell Us We Can't Afford A Tax Cut Is Like Listening To A Glutton Tell You He Can't Afford A Diet. In No Other Context Do People Talk About Paying For Money They Don't Have. I Can't Pay For Your Refusal To Give Me Money Because I Need A Yacht.

I Give Speeches At Megachurches Across America, And The One Thing That's Really Striking About It Is How Utterly, Completely Diverse They Are, And Completely Unself-consciously. At These Huge Megachurches The Idea That The More Christian You Are, The Less Tolerant You Would Be Is Preposterous.

Well, Before The New Deal...[the Emancipation Proclamation] Would Be A Good Start.

Emancipation Proclamation

I'm A Problem-solver, And You're Welcome.

Problem Solvers

Cbs Is Planning A Tribute To Dan Rather... The Memo Went Out A Month Ago But Everyone Assumed It Was A Fake.

Only A War That Serves No Conceivable National Interest Gets The New York Time's Endorsement. Liberals Warm To The Idea Of American Mothers Weeping For Their Sons, But Only If Their Deaths Will Not Make America Any Safer.

Already Liberals Are Trying To Rewrite The History Of The Cold War To Remove Reagan From Its Core, To Make Him A Doddering B-movie Actor Who Happened To Be Standing There When The Soviet Union Imploded. They Have The Media, The Universities, The Textbooks. We Have Ourselves. We Are The Witnesses.

If Those Kids Had Been Carrying Guns They Would Have Gunned Down This One Gunman... Don't Pray. Learn To Use Guns.

Bush Won The Largest Popular Vote In History With A 3.5 Million Margin. Indeed, Simply By Getting A Majority Of The Country To Vote For Him - The Left's Most Hated Politician Since Richard Nixon - Bush Did Something Rock Star Bill Clinton Never Did. Bush Maintained Or Increased His Vote In Every State But Vermont.

When We Were At Peace, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now There's A War, So Democrats Want To Raise Taxes. When There Was A Surplus, Democrats Wanted To Raise Taxes. Now That There Is A Mild Recession, Democrats Want To Raise Taxes.

The New York Times Editorial Page Is Like A Ouija Board That Has Only Three Answers, No Matter What The Question. The Answers Are: Higher Taxes, More Restrictions On Political Speech And Stricter Gun Control.

Not Exactly Smashing Stereotypes Of Liberals As Mincing Pantywaists, The Left's Entire Contribution To The War Effort Thus Far Has Been To Whine.

Everything That Liberals Want They Call A Civil Right. This Avoids Them Having To Argue About It And Puts The Halo Around The Issue.

There Were Precisely Two Groups Of People Who Desperately Wanted Airport Security To Be Browbeaten Into Giving Suspicious Passengers A Pass: Terrorists And Democrats.

The Infernal Flag-waving After 9/11 Nearly Drove Liberals Out Of Their Gourds. For The Left, 'flag-waving' Is An Epithet.

Liberal Soccer Moms Are Precisely As Likely To Receive Anthrax In The Mail As To Develop A Capacity For Linear Thinking.

We Need Somebody To Put Rat Poisoning In Justice Stevens' Creme Brulee. That's Just A Joke, For You In The Media.

A Cruise Missile Is More Important Than Head Start.

...the Definition Of Swiftboating Is: Producing Irrefutable Evidence That A Democrat Is Lying.

You Never Run Into A Fundamentalist Christian As Intolerant Of - Take Anything, You Know, Homosexuality As A Liberal Who Has Just Found A Lit Cigarette In A Nonsmoking Section.

Taxes Are Like Abortion, And Not Just Because Both Are Grotesque Procedures Supported By Democrats. You're For Them Or Against Them. Taxes Go Up Or Down; Government Raises Taxes Or Lowers Them. But Democrats Will Not Let The Words "abortion" Or "tax Hikes" Pass Their Lips.

If Liberals Think Iraqis Are Genetically Incapable Of Pulling Off Even The Most Rudimentary Form Of Democracy, Why Do They Believe 50 Million Mexicans Will Magically Become Good Americans, Imbued In The Nation's History And Culture, Upon Crossing The Rio Grande? Maybe We Should Dunk Iraqis In The Rio And See What Happens.

If John Kerry Had A Dollar For Every Time He Bragged About Serving In Vietnam - Oh Wait, He Does.

Until You Can Intelligently Articulate The Other Side's Position, You Are Not An Adult. You Are A Liberal.

When A Feminist As Strident As Garofalo Is Defending The Hussein Regime, You Have To Wonder If Her Newfound Sobriety Has Hit A Rough Patch.

From The People Who Brought You "zero Tolerance," I Present The Gun-free Zone! Yippee! Problem Solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody Down! Hey, How Did That Deranged Loner Get A Gun Into This Gun-free Zone?

I Think The Government Should Be Spying On All Arabs, Engaging In Torture As A Televised Spectator Sport, Dropping Daisy Cutters Wantonly Throughout The Middle East And Sending Liberals To Guantanamo.

Everyone Is Skeptical. Only The Media Are Not Skeptical, But, Then, They Were Also Not Skeptical When The Administration Put Out The Line That Coordinated Embassy Attacks Around The Globe On The Anniversary Of 9/11 Were Just Rowdy Movie Reviews. Numbers On A Tv Screen Won't Prevent Millions Of Americans From Noticing That They're Unemployed.

Four Years Of Jimmy Carter Gave Us Two Titanic Reagan Landslides, Peace And Prosperity For Eight Blessed Years - And Even A Third Term For His Feckless Vice President, George H.w. Bush.

Women Like Pamela Harriman And Patricia Duff Are Basically Anna Nicole Smith From The Waist Down. Let's Just Call It For What It Is. They're Whores.

You Don't Want The Republicans In Power, Does That Mean You Want A Dictatorship, Gay Boy?

In The Spirit Of Reaching Across The Aisle, We Owe It To The Democrats To Show Their President The Exact Same Kind Of Respect And Loyalty That They Have Shown Our Recent Republican President.

The "european Union" Happens To Be Composed Of People Who Hate Our Guts. It Is The Continent Where Moveon.org-style Lunatics Are The Friendly, Pro-american Types And The Rest Are Crazy Muslims.

We Should Invade Their Countries, Kill Their Leaders And Convert Them To Christianity.

The Really Amazing Part, To Me, Was When Florida Made It Into The Final Four, The Democrats Didn't Demand A Recount.

Once Man's Connection To The Divine Is Denied, You Can Reason Yourself From Here To Anywhere.

So For Those Of You Who Haven't Read Any Of My Five Best-selling Books: Liberals Are Driven By Satan And Lie Constantly.

The Religion That Has Transformed Western Civilization For Two Millennia Is A Blank Slate For Liberals. Their Closest Reference Point Is Conservative Christians, Meaning People You're Not Supposed To Hire. And These Are The People Who Carp About George Bush's Alleged Lack Of Intellectual Curiosity.

Enjoy Most: The Prospect Of Having An Impact On The Public Debate. Irritating Liberals Is A Close Second.

But Ultimately, The Purpose Of Marriage Is To Transmit Civilization To The Next Generation. There Has Never Been An Institution That Does It As Well As Marriage, And That Is Marriage Between A Man And A Woman.

Yes, Of Course, Black Americans Are A Special Group, And I'm Disappointed That They're Not Republicans, Given Our Traditions. We're Not Getting Much Love In Return, Despite Our Efforts.

Clinton's Attempt To Socialize Healthcare Was The Second Most Disgusting Thing He Did In The Oval Office. I Can't Remember Was The First Thing Was.

In Other Words, Under Attorney General John Ashcroft, The Fbi, The Ins And The Department Of Justice Are So Out Of Control That They Have Actually Begun To Enforce U.s. Immigration Laws.

If Liberals Were Prevented From Ever Again Calling Republicans Dumb, They Would Be Robbed Of Half Their Arguments. To Be Sure, They Would Still Have Racist, Fascist, Homophobe, Ugly, And A Few Other Highly Nuanced Arguments In The Quiver. But The Loss Of Dumb Would Nearly Cripple Them.

I'd Pretty Much Debate Anybody. I Prefer To Debate Smart Liberals. I'm Not Saying This About Stephen Colbert But, Unfortunately, The Most Famous Liberals Generally Aren't The Smartest Ones. I Have A List Of The Smarter Liberals I Recommend.

The Tolerant Liberal Suddenly Becomes Very Intolerant When Their Official Religion Is Challenged.

Talking To Liberals Is Much More Fun Now That We Have Lexis-nexis.

Before The New York Times Starts Running "portraits In Grief" Of Former Enron Employees, It's Worth Remembering That Even After The Collapse, Enron Stock Is Still Worth More Than The Entire Social Security "trust Fund."

In The Druidical Religion Of Liberalism, Not Separating Your Recyclables Is A Sin, But Abortion Is Just A Medical Procedure.

The Reason Any Conservative's Failing Is Always Major News Is That It Allows Liberals To Engage In Their Very Favorite Taunt: Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy Is The Only Sin That Really Inflames Them. Inasmuch As Liberals Have No Morals, They Can Sit Back And Criticize Other People For Failing To Meet The Standards That Liberals Simply Renounce. It's An Intriguing Strategy. By Openly Admitting To Being Philanderers, Draft Dodgers, Liars, Weasels And Cowards, Liberals Avoid Ever Being Hypocrites.

Liberals Hate America, They Hate "flag-wavers", They Hate Abortion Opponents, They Hate All Religions Except Islam (post 9/11). Even Islamic Terrorists Don't Hate America Like Liberals Do. They Don't Have The Energy. If They Had That Much Energy, They'd Have Indoor Plumbing By Now.

Fittingly, In The Final Analysis, Clinton Will Not Be Remembered For What He Did As President, But For Who He Did.

So Now It Turns Out That Thomas Jefferson Was Having Sex With Sally Hemings While Serving In The 101st Airborne During The Vietnam War.

Liberals Have A Preternatural Gift For Striking A Position On The Side Of Treason...whenever The Nation Is Under Attack, From Within Or Without, Liberals Side With The Enemy.

Moore's Only Concession To The Democrats' Role-playing Is To Deny That He Is A Democrat, Hoping Enough Americans Were Taught By Public School Teachers That No One Will Know How To Look Up Moore's Voter Registration Card. Democrat.

When You Try To Figure Out What The Religious Right Is, It Ultimately Comes Down Either To One Man, Pat Robertson, Or Anyone Who Believes In A Higher Being And Wants Their Taxes Cut.

This Is The Difference Between Conservatives And Liberals. Liberals Want Justices To Vote A Certain Way. We, Conservatives, Want A Particular Legal Philosophy, A Philosophy For How To Interpret The Constitution.

The Democrats Are Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy For No Purpose Other Than Giving Aid And Comfort To The Enemy. There Is No Plausible Explanation For The Democrats' Behavior Other Than That They Long To See U.s. Troops Shot, Humiliated, And Driven From The Field Of Battle.

Gays (homosexuals) Usually Bring Up The Argument About All The Straight Couples Living In 'sham' Marriages, But I See No Point In Dragging The Clintons Into This

The Portrayal Of Senator Joe Mccarthy As A Wild-eyed Demagogue Destroying Innocent Lives Is Sheer Liberal Hobgoblinism. Liberals Weren't Cowering In Fear During The Mccarthy Era. They Were Systematically Undermining The Nation's Ability To Defend Itself While Waging A Bellicose Campaign Of Lies To Blacken Mccarthy's Name. Everything You Think You Know About Mccarthy Is A Hegemonic Lie. Liberals Denounced Mccarthy Because They Were Afraid Of Getting Caught, So They Fought Back Like Animals To Hide Their Own Collaboration With A Regime As Evil As The Nazis.

Long Before There Was Discrimination Against Blacks, There Was Discrimination Against White Southerners. When Large Numbers Of These Country People Moved North During World War Ii, They Were Aggressively Excluded From Neighborhoods, Jobs, And Homes - Not Because Of Their Skin Color, But Their Accents.

I've Decided To Cut Out The Part Of The Speech Where I Say Anything Nice About Democrats.

Whenever You Come Across A Screw-up This Big, You Know The Government Is Behind It.

By 1973, John Kerry Had Already Accused American Soldiers Of Committing War Crimes In Vietnam, Thrown Someone Else's Medals To The Ground In An Anti-war Demonstration, And Married His First Heiress.

My Track Record Is Pretty Good On Predictions.

I Never Sought To Be A Pundit, Or On Tv, Or A Writer-it Just Kind Of Came To Me. If You Just Keep Doing What You Want To Do, You Wind Up Doing Precisely What You Want To Be Doing. Don't Resist How Life Bats You Around.

Doing What You Want

No Wonder You Guys Lost.

If I'm Going To Say Anything About John Edwards In The Future, I'll Just Wish He Had Been Killed In A Terrorist Assassination Plot.

If You Don't Hate Clinton And The People Who Labored To Keep Him In Office, You Don't Love Your Country.

I'm Getting A Little Fed Up With Hearing About, Oh, Civilian Casualties. I Think We Ought To Nuke North Korea Right Now Just To Give The Rest Of The World A Warning.

If You Attack The Clintons Publicly, Make Sure All Your Friends Know That You Are Not Planning Suicide, That You're Not Careless When You Drive A Car.

If You Attack Ann Coulter, You Don't End Up With Your Cat Killed Or Your Tires Slashed.

There Is No More A 'political Middle' Than There Is A Family In America With 2.3 Children. People With Opinions Take Sides. Contrary To What You've Heard, It's Actually More Important To Stand For Something Than It Is For Everybody To 'just Get Along'.

Right Before The Civil War, Only 8% Of White People Owned Slaves. Some Plantations Would Have Hundreds And Hundreds Of Slaves, But The Vast Majority Of Whites Didn't Have Any.

I Highly Approve Of Romney's Decision To Be Kind And Gentle To The Retard.

...liberals Said The War Was A Failure Because We Hadn't Captured Abu Musab Al-zarqawi. Then We Killed Al-zarqawi And A Half-dozen Of His Aides In An Air Raid. Then They Said The War Was A Failure Because ... You Get The Picture.

In Another Show Of America's Force To The World, When The Soviets Invaded Afghanistan, Carter Responded By Boycotting The Olympics. And Thus Was A Fearsome Blow Struck At Little Fourteen-year-old American Girls Who Had Spent Their Lives Training For The Olympics.

All We Can Do Is Politely Ask Aliens From Suspect Nations To Leave ... While We Sort The Peace-loving Immigrants From The Murderous Fanatics.... Muslim Immigrants Who Agree To Spy On The Millions Of Muslim Citizens Unaffected By The Deportation Order Can Stay.

Secretary Of Defense Donald Rumsfeld Said Any Assumption That The Us Would Not Use Force Against North Korea Would Be A Mistake. Such Bellicosity Frightens Liberals. The Left's Reaction To Nutty Despots Is: He Might Hit Me, So I'll Be Nice. Rumsfeld's Idea Is: He'll Hit Me? Maybe I'll Hit Him. The Beauty Of That Approach Cannot Be Denied.

If Americans Loved Judicial Activism, Liberals Wouldn't Be Lying About What It Is. Judicial Activism Means Making Up Constitutional Rights In Order To Strike Down Laws The Justices Don't Like Based On Their Personal Preferences. It's Not Judicial Activism To Strike Down Laws Because They Violate The Constitution.

I Have To Say I'm All For Public Flogging. One Type Of Criminal That A Public Humiliation Might Work Particularly Well With Are The Juvenile Delinquents, A Lot Of Whom Consider It A Badge Of Honor To Be Sent To Juvenile Detention. And It Might Not Be Such A Cool Thing In The 'hood To Be Flogged Publicly.

Britain Makes It Absolutely, Blindingly Clear That It Is Liberal Social Welfare Policies. And They Have Turned A Good Chunk Of Their Native Population Into Animals. They Are Absolute Animals. They Are Not Humans With Free Will. They Eat, They Screw, They Drink.

These Days, Even A Moderate Democrat Is Someone Who Thinks You Shouldn't Be Taught Fisting Until You're At Least 12 Years Old.

I Cut Through The Nonsense With The Blinding Light Of Truth.

Hollywood Liberals Could Not Be Reached For Comment On The Cost Of The Inauguration Because They Were Being Fitted For Gowns And Jewelry Worth Millions Of Dollars In Anticipation Of Oscar Night.

Whenever A Liberal Begins A Peevish Complaint With A Throat-clearing Equivocation Like, "of Course, We All Agree," Your Antennae Should Go Up. This Is How Liberals Couch Statements They Assume All Americans Would Demand They Make, But Which They Secretly Chafe At.

The Idea Of A Bowed And Terrified Liberal Minority During Mccarthy's 'reign Of Terror' Is Poppycock. Then As Now, All Elite Opinion Was Against Mccarthy.

If Liberals Think They Are Losing Elections Because Of The Conservative Bias In The Media, They May As Well Give Up Right Now.

When Minutemen Leader Jim Gilchrist And His Black Colleague Marvin Stewart Were Invited By The College Republicans To Speak At Columbia Last Year, The Tolerant, Free-speech-loving Columbia Students Violently Attacked Them, Shutting Down The Speech.

You Will Find Liberals Always Rooting For Savages Against Civilization.

No Matter What Argument You Make Against Evolution, The Response Is Well, You Know, It's Possible To Believe In Evolution And Believe In God. Yes, And It's Possible To Believe In Spiderman And Believe In God, But That Doesn't Prove Spiderman Is True.

It Would Be A Much Better Country If Women Did Not Vote. That Is Simply A Fact. In Fact, In Every Presidential Election Since 1950 - Except Goldwater In '64 - The Republican Would Have Won, If Only The Men Had Voted.

Liberals Claim To Love Gays When It Allows Them To Vent Their Spleen At Republicans. But Disagree With Liberals And Their First Response Is To Call You Gay. Liberals Are Gays' Biggest Champions On Issues Most Gays Couldn't Care Less About, Like Gay Marriage Or Taxpayer Funding Of Photos Of Men With Bullwhips Up Their Derrieres. But Who Has Done More To Out, Embarrass, And Destroy The Lives Of Gay Men Who Prefer To Keep Their Orientation Private Than Democrats? Who Is More Intolerant Of Gays In The Republican Party Than Gays In The Democratic Party?

You Want To Be Careful Not To Become Just A Blowhard.

The Media Will Spend Weeks Going Through Pay Stubs For Bush's National Guard Service In Alabama In The Waning Days Of War, But If Kerry Tells Them Exotic Tales Of Covert Missions Into Cambodia Directed By Richard Nixon, They Don't Even Bother To Fact-check Who Was President In December 1968.

Ed "the Truth Is Illegal" Markey Responded To Teamster Support For Anwr By Dismissively Sniffing, It Was Only "one Issue." Luckily, The Democrats Have All Those Other Issues Dear To The Heart Of The Average Blue-collar Worker: Abortion On Demand, Gay Marriage And Taxpayer-funded Crucifixes Submerged In Urine.

Don't Make The Mistake, America, Of Voting For Barack Obama Who, By The Way, Does Not Come Out Of The American Black Experience And Everything White Americans Feel Guilty About. He's A Hawaiian Born In 1961.

Democrats Are Not Angry About 9/11. Sad, Maybe - Sad That It Didn't Happen On Clinton's Watch So His Legacy Would Be More Than A Semen Stain. But They're Not Angry.

I Am Emboldened By My Looks To Say Things Republican Men Wouldn't.

I Might Be In Favor Of National Healthcare If It Required All Democrats To Get Their Heads Examined.

According To The California Hospital Association, Health Care For Illegal Aliens Is Costing State Taxpayers Well Over $1 Billion A Year. Eighty-four Hospitals Across California Have Already Been Forced To Close Because Of Unpaid Bills By Illegal Aliens.

Either We're Removing A Dictator Who Currently Has Plans To Fund Terrorism Against American Citizens Or -- If Bush Is Completely Wrong And Eleanor Clift Is Completely Right -- We're Just Removing A Dictator Who Plans To Terrorize A Lot Of People In The Region, But Not Americans Specifically. Even For Someone Like Me, Who Doesn't Want America To Be The World's Policeman, The Risk Of Precipitous Action Against Saddam Hussein Doesn't Keep Me Up At Night.

This Week's Winner For Best Comedy Line About The War Is New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer. Referring To - Well, It Doesn't Really Matter What He Was Referring To.

The Episcopalians Don't Demand Much In The Way Of Actual Religious Belief. They Have Girl Priests, Gay Priests, Gay Bishops, Gay Marriages? It's Much Like The New York Times Editorial Board. They Acknowledge The Ten Commandments? Or "moses' Talking Points"? But Hasten To Add That They're Not Exactly "carved In Stone."

I Am The Illegal Alien Of Commentary. I Will Do The Jokes That No One Else Will Do.

The Thing I Like About Bush Is I Think He Hates Liberals.

A Married Woman, The Safest Place For Any Woman To Be Is At Home With Her Husband.

The Man Responsible For Keeping Americans Safe From Another Terrorist Attack On American Soil For Nearly Seven Years Now Will Go Down In History As One Of America's Greatest Presidents.

Since Liberals Never Print Retractions, They Can Say Anything. What They Said In The Past Is Always Deemed Inadmissible And Unfair To Quote.

[the Media's] Fantasy Of An America Bristling With Racists Allows Them To Portray Any Criticism Of Our Massively Incompetent And Dangerous President As Just Another Sad Episode Of Oh-so-typical White Racism.

It Is An Article Of Faith With The Democrats That They Must Fool Americans By Simulating Agreement With Normal People. The Winner Of The Democratic Primary Is Always The Candidate Who Does The Best Impersonation Of An American.

Democrats Couldn't Care Less If People In Indiana Hate Them. But If Europeans Curl Their Lips, Liberals Can't Look At Themselves In The Mirror.

Who's Gonna Give Me A Tv Show? I Didn't Work For An Impeached, Disbarred President Who Was Held In Contempt By A Federal Judge. That's What They Look For In Objective Reporters.

Republicans Are Afraid To Act In Accordance With The Election Results. Republicans Seem To Be In Denial About Election Results. It's One Thing For Democrats To Be In Denial About The Republican Electoral Juggernaut, But It's Strange That Republicans Are In Denial About It Too.

Election Results

Isn't Food Important? Why Not "universal Food Coverage"? If Politicians And Employers Had Guaranteed Us "free" Food 50 Years Ago, Today Democrats Would Be Wailing About The "food Crisis" In America, And You'd Be On The Phone With Your Food Care Provider Arguing About Whether Or Not A Reuben Sandwich With Fries Was Covered Under Your Plan.

David Axelrod Says We Need To Inspire More Young People To Be Journalists? How About Inspiring Journalists To Be Journalists?

Canada Used To Be...one Of Our Most...most Loyal Friends, And Vice Versa. I Mean, Canada Sent Troops To Vietnam. Was Vietnam Less Containable And More Of A Threat Than Saddam Hussein?

All Democrats For The Last 30 Years Have Tried To Stimulate The Economy By Giving 'tax Cuts' To People Who Don't Pay Taxes.

[senator]torricelli [d-nj] Will Leave Public Office With Just The Clothes On His Back, A Rolex Watch And Other Assorted Jewelry, A Tv Set, A Couple Of Racks Of Italian Suits, Some Jets Tickets, A Grandfather Clock And Three Paper Sacks Filled With Small, Unmarked Bills.

It's Interesting How Obama's Adorers In The Press Keep Comparing Him To Lincoln And Reagan. Apparently They Can't Think Of A Democrat President Worthy Of Being Compared To.

If The Press Really Thinks Obama Is Lincoln, They Ought To Treat Him Like They Treated Bush, 'cause That's How They Treated Lincoln. His Critics Compared Lincoln To An Ape; They Called Him An Illiterate Baboon.

If You Want To Find The Cool, Anti-establishment Rebels Who Don't Answer To The Man On College Campuses Today, You Have To Go To A Meeting Of The College Republicans. They Are Rebelling Against At Least 99 Percent Of Their Professors.

Liberals Love To Strike Generous, Humanitarian Poses With Other People's Lives.

How Can Rogue Terrorists In Iraq Detonate Bombs? They're All Too Busy Flying Kites With Their Children! Hasn't [katrina Vanden Heuvel (queen Of The May At The Fun-loving Nation Magazine)] Seen Fahrenheit 9/11?

At Every Other Workplace In The Nation - Even Mal-mart! - Workers Are Being Laid Off. But No One At Any Of The Bloated Government Bureaucracies Ever Need Fear Receiving A Pink Slip. All 64,750 Employees At The Department Of Health And Human Services Are Apparently Absolutely Crucial To The Smooth Functioning Of The Department.

Gore Said Foreigners Are Not Worried About 'what The Terrorist Networks Are Going To Do, But About What We're Going To Do.' Good. They Should Be Worried. They Hate Us? We Hate Them. Americans Don't Want To Make Islamic Fanatics Love Us. We Want To Make Them Die. There's Nothing Like Horrendous Physical Pain To Quell Anger. Japanese Kamikazes Pilots Hated Us Once, Too. A Couple Of Well-aimed Nuclear Weapons Got Their Attention. Now They Are Gentle Little Lambs.

There Are Always Going To Be Muslim Atrocities! Whenever The Media Starts Obsessing With Isis, I Think You're Hiding Something.

Hiding Something

Liberals Have Managed To Eliminate The Idea Of Manly Honor. Instead, All They Have Is Womanly Indignation.

Yet, When Republicans Were Finally Able To Push Through Tough Policies On Crime And Welfare Which They'd Supported For Decades, They Were Magnificent Successes For The Entire Country, But Especially For Black People. Release Us, And Great Things Will Happen!

Conservatives Have A Problem With Women. For That Matter, All Men Do.

I Sort Of Feel Sorry For Gays Being The Last Ones At The Sexual Revolution Window. We've Had Liberalizing Rules On Divorce. We've Had The Sexual Revolution. We've Had, You Know, The Pill, And Burning Bras And Rampant Premarital Sex And Polymorphous Perversity.

In June 2002, Airport Security Searched Al Gore. There's A Lot Not To Like About Gore, But He's Not A Terrorist. Gore Said He Was Glad He Was Searched. Why? To Spare A Terrorist The Trouble? This Is A Serious National Issue; Why Must Liberals Lie? Searching Al Gore Is Purely A Religious Act. It Is The Purposeless Fetishistic Performance Of Ritual In Accordance With The Civic Religion Of Liberalism.

One More Item For The Delusional Miss Grundys Still Obtusely Citing Reagan As Their Model Of “niceness”: As Governor Of California, Reagan Gave Student Protesters At Berkeley The Finger. Remember That Next Time You Ask Yourself: “what Would Reagan Do?” People Who Are Afraid Of Ideas Whitewash Reagan Like They Whitewash Jesus. Sorry To Break It To You, But The Reagan Era Did Not Consist Of Eight Years Of Reagan Joking About His Naps.

Liberals Are More Upset When A Tree Is Chopped Down Than When A Child Is Aborted.

That Is [liberalism's] Goal - To Destroy The Family... [liberals] Just Made Up This Gay Marriage Thing Gays Are Natural Conservatives.

When Liberals Start Acting Like They're Opposed To Pre-marital Sex And Mothers Having Careers, You Know Mccain's Vice Presidential Choice Has Knocked Them Back On Their Heels.

While The Form Of Treachery Varies Slightly From Case To Case, Liberals Always Manage To Take The Position That Most Undermines American Security.

I Love To Engage In Repartee With People Who Are Stupider Than I Am.

They've Hit Us And We've Got To Hit Back Hard, And I'm Not Just Talking About The Terrorists.

There Is No Surer Proof Of Christ's Divinity Than That He Is Still So Hated Some Two Thousand Years After His Death.

In A Comprehensive Study Of All Public Multiple Shooting Incidents In America Between 1977 And 1999, Economists John Lott And Bill Landes Found That The Only Public Policy That Reduced Both The Incidence And Casualties Of Such Shootings Were Concealed-carry Laws. Not Only Are There 60 Percent Fewer Gun Massacres After States Adopt Concealed-carry Laws, But The Death And Injury Rate Of Such Rampages Are Reduced By 80 Percent.

The Democrats Appear To Be The Only People Who Still Believe There Is Any Efficacy To The Un.

Democrats All Claim They'll Get Rough With The Terrorists, But They Can't Even Face Brit Hume.

The Truth Cannot Be Delivered With Novocaine.

Liberals Want The Family Destroyed, They Want Religion Destroned, Because Then You Have Loyalty Directly To The State.

Liberals Don't Have To Emerge From The Hot Tub And Start Attending Nascar Races Or - God Forbid - Church, But It Would Be Nice If They'd Stop Lying All The Time.

I've Never Seen People Enjoying Their Husbands' Deaths So Much

Where There's Smoke Around A Conservative, There Are Journalists Furiously Rubbing Two Sticks Together.

Do You Know What Christianity Is? We Believe Your Religion [judaism], But You [jews] Have To Obey.

College Campuses Have Become Fascist Colonies Of Anti-american Hate Speech, Hypersensitivity, Speech Codes, Banded Words And Prohibited Scientific Inquiry.

The Afghan "negotiation Phase" Immediately Precedes The Traditional Afghan "surrender Phase." This Entails The Following: The Defeated Party Surrenders And Then Comes Out Shooting. This Is Repeated Several Times. Finally, The Vanquished Party Runs Out Of Ammunition And Is Forced To Surrender ' But Seriously This Time ' At Which Point The Victors Kill The Foreigners And Hug Their Fellow Afghans Like Long-lost Brothers.

As President, Clinton Sold Burial Plots In Arlington Cemetery And Liberals Shrugged It Off. What Really Gets Their Goat Is The Autopen. Evidently, The Important Thing Was That Every One Of Those Pardons Clinton Sold For Cash On His Last Day In Office Was Signed By Bill Clinton Personally.

If We Had Complete Knowledge, You Wouldn't Need Any Intelligence Gathering Whatsoever. The President Isn't God. We Do Have Intelligence Gathering.

Intelligence Gathering

My Libertarian Friends Are Probably Getting A Little Upset Now But I Think That's Because They Never Appreciate The Benefits Of Local Fascism.

The Only Place Al Gore Conserves Energy These Days Is On The Treadmill. I Don't Want To Suggest That Al's Getting Big, But The Last Time I Saw Him On Tv I Thought, "that Reminds Me - We Have To Do Something About Saving The Polar Bears." Never Mind His Carbon Footprint - Have You Seen The Size Of Al Gore's Regular Footprint Lately? It's Almost As Deep As Janet Reno's.

Carbon Footprint

The New York Times And The Rest Of The Mainstream Media Will Only Refer To Partial Birth Abortion As 'what Its Opponents Refer To As Partial Birth Abortions.' What Do Its Supporters Call It? Casual Fridays? Bean-with-bacon Potato Chip Dip? Uh . . . Steve?

Liberals Love America Like O.j. Loved Nicole

Liberal Moms Like Soccer Because It's A Sport In Which Athletic Talent Finds So Little Expression That Girls Can Play With Boys. No Serious Sport Is Co-ed, Even At The Kindergarten Level.

Americans Cannot Comprehend How Their Fellow Countrymen Could Not Love Their Country. But The Left's Anti-americanism Is Intrinsic To Their Entire Worldview. Liberals Promote The Right Of Islamic Fanatics For The Same Reason They Promote The Rights Of Adulterers, Pornographers, Abortionists, Criminals, And Communists. They Instinctively Root For Anarchy Against Civilization. The Inevitable Logic Of The Liberal Position Is To Be For Treason.

As Bush Said, After Detailing Some Of Saddam Hussein's Charming Practices: “if This Is Not Evil, Then Evil Has No Meaning.” It's Not As If Anyone Is Worried That We're Making A Horrible Miscalculation And Could Be Removing The Iraqi Abraham Lincoln By Mistake.

I'm More Of A Man Than Any Liberal.

It Is Puzzling Why Anyone Would Want To (become Governor Of California). It's Like Vying To Become Roseanne Barr's Next Husband. Sure You'd Get Your Name In The Paper, But Look At The Mess You'd Be Getting Yourself Into.

Clinton Masturbates In The Sinks.

There Are A Lot Of Bad Republicans; There Are No Good Democrats.

Liberals Become Indignant When You Question Their Patriotism, But Simultaneously Work Overtime To Give Terrorists A Cushion For The Next Attack And Laugh At Dumb Americans Who Love Their Country And Hate The Enemy.

Much Of The Left's Hate Speech Bears Greater Similarity To A Psychological Disorder Than To Standard Political Discourse. The Hatred Is Blinding, Producing Logical Contradictions That Would Be Impossible To Sustain Were It Not For The Central Element Faith Plays In The Left's New Religion. The Basic Tenet Of Their Faith Is This: Maybe They Were Wrong About Their Facts And Policies, But They Are Good And Conservatives Are Evil. You Almost Want To Give It To Them. It's All They Have Left.

Psychological Disorders

Democrats Are Channeling Their Frustration With America's Imminent Military Victory In Afghanistan Into Hysterical Opposition To Reasonable National Security Measures At Home. (incidentally, This Ought To Prove Once And For All What A Bunch Of Paper Tigers The Russians Are. What Were They Doing Over There For 10 Years? It Hasn't Taken Us 10 Weeks.)

The Only Question I'd Be Interested In Is What Books Other Celebrities Have Read Recently, Which Is Part Of My Campaign To Promote Reading.

We Have Way Too Many Lawyers, The Price For Them Has Plummeted And You Will Have A Miserable And Unsatisfying Life. Unless You Get Into Harvard Law. You Could Be In A Yurt On The Mongolian Plateau And They'll Say, "oh You Must Be Smart. You Went To Harvard Law."

Although God Believers Don't Need Evolution To Be False, Atheists Need Evolution To Be True.

If Hitler Hadn't Turned Against Their Beloved Stalin, Liberals Would Have Stuck By Him, Too.

Liberals Tell Amazing Lies About Guns And Everything Else.

'moderate Republican' Is Simply How The Blabocracy Flatters Republicans Who Vote With The Democrats. If It Weren't So Conspicuous, The 'new York Times' Would Start Referring To 'nice Republicans' And 'mean Republicans'

Whether They Are Defending The Soviet Union Or Bleating For Saddam Hussein, Liberals Are Always Against America. They Are Either Traitors Or Idiots, And On The Matter Of America's Self-preservation, The Difference Is Irrelevant.

His Pomposity Is Overshadowed Only By His Rank Stupidity

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