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I Think You Just Look For The Person You Have The Most Fun With. And That's Enough. You Realize, "wait, I Can Just Keep Having Fun With Her Forever?" Yes, You Can Do That. That Is The Key.

-Jimmy Fallon

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I Think You Just

Jimmy Fallon

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I Think You Just Look For The Person You Have The Most Fun With. And That's Enough. You Realize, "wait, I Can Just Keep Having Fun With Her Forever?" Yes, You Can Do That. That Is The Key.

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Center Of Attention

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Live Your Life By Doing Activities That Are Beneficial

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Construction Workers

I'd Be Nothing Without My Wife. She's The Coolest. She's The Greatest. She Is The Smartest. She's The Funniest. I Love Her So Much. She's Like The - It's Like Your Best Friend For The Rest Of Your Life.

Rest Of Your Life

Your Best Friend

Congrats To Prince William And Kate Middleton, Who Welcomed A Baby Girl On Saturday. The Royal Baby Weighed Eight Pounds - Or Around 12 American Dollars.

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I Like Doing Energetic Things.

No-one Gets Beaten To Death Quite Like Hilary Swank

The Key To Happiness. Hm.... There Are Just So Many Factors. I Think It's Just A Way Of Being. It's About.... Every Little Thing In Moderation. Whether It Be Stress, Anger, Joy, Depression.

When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or People Who Makes Ballon Animals, I Think Of Their Relatives And How Disappointed They Must Be.

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Is Going To Israel. He's Going To Be Pretty Disappointed When He Finds Out The Gaza Strip Isn't A Steak.

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Apple Is Apparently Building A Large Solar Energy Farm In North Carolina. And If There's Any Justice, The Minute They're Done Building It, God Will Introduce A Newer, Smaller Sun That's Not Compatible With Their Machinery.

Officials From The Soccer Organization Fifa, Which Decides Which Cities Get To Host The World Cup, Are Accused Of Accepting Bribes When Making Their Decision. Of Course The Toughest Part For The Soccer Officials Was Taking Bribes Without Using Their Hands.

There's Always Going To Be Someone Out There... Who Doesn't Believe In You Or Who Thinks Your Head Is Too Big Or You're Not Smart Enough. But Those Are The People You Need To Ignore, And Those Are The Times You Need To Just Keep Doing What You Love Doing.

I Never Sing In The Shower. It's Very Dangerous.

The White House Is Worried About Joe Biden's Potential Run For President, And A Source Says They Fear That It Wouldn't Have The Right Outcome. That's Right, They Think He Might Win.

Researchers In The U.k. Have Developed A Vegetable Called "super Broccoli" Designed To Fight Heart Disease. Not To Be Outdone, Researchers In America Have Developed A Way To Stuff An Oreo Inside Another Oreo.

In A Recent Interview, Hillary Clinton Said That One Of The Jobs That Prepared Her To Be President Was Sliming Fish In Alaska. As Opposed To Bill, Who Learned By Catching Crabs In Cancun.

Sources Say The Obama Administration Is In The 'final Stages' Of Planning The Closing Of Guantanamo Bay. The Way It's Gonna Work Is, They're Going To Put A Radio Shack Sign Out Front And Let Nature Take Its Course.

I Got My Shot At The Movies. I Love Doing Standup Live. I Didn't Know What I Wanted To Do. I Wanted To Try Movies, So I Gave It A Shot. I Had Two Shots And I Didn't Really Do It. That Wasn't Really Happening For Me. On The Second Movie I Got To Meet The Girl That Would Be My Wife. So I Got To Hang Out With Her And Get Engaged, And Get The Whole Wedding Thing. It Was Really Great.

Officials At The London Olympics Will Be Conducting 5,000 Tests For Steroids. Or As Lance Armstrong Calls That, 'a Monday.'

London Olympics

The Senate Has Passed A New Bill That Requires Tv Stations To Lower The Volume Level On Commercials. This Is Great, A Hundred Of The Most Powerful People In The Nation Have Managed To Do The Same Thing My Remote Does.

Yesterday President Obama Traveled To Jamaica, Where He Will Meet With Students And Caribbean Leaders. Jamaica's Such A Beautiful Place, Obama Says He Can't Wait To Just Take It All In, Hold It For Several Seconds, And Then Exhale.

Lincoln Chafee, Former Governor Of Rhode Island, Announced He's Running For President. Before He Announced He's Running, His Wife Went On Facebook And Asked His Staff If They Remembered His Password. Because If A Facebook Password Is Too Hard To Remember, The Launch Codes For The Nukes Should Be A Piece Of Cake.

My Dream Was To Grow Up And Get A Job At Ibm, Like My Dad. That Seemed Like A Logical Dream.

Thank You, Horseradish, For Being Neither A Radish Nor A Horse. What You Are Is A Liar Food.

A Top Aide To Donald Trump Says He Quit The Campaign This Weekend Because Of Trump's Public Feuds, But Trump Said He Was Fired. When Asked What He Was Fired For, Trump Said, 'quitting!'

Thinking About All That - What It Means To Be Happy - I Think It Overloaded Your Brain.

Happy Birthday To Arnold Palmer, Who Turned 82. That's 41 Years Iced Tea And 41 Years Lemonade.

John Mccain Addressed Critics Who Believe He Will Be Too Old To Run For A Sixth Term In The Senate, Saying That He's Still Healthy And Ready To Go. Then People Around Mccain Said, 'why Is He Talking To That Mannequin?'

Donald Trump Announced That He's Running For President. During His Speech He Told The Crowd That If Elected He Would Be 'the Greatest Jobs President That God Ever Created.' Then God Said, 'hey, Don't Drag Me Into This Publicity Stunt.'

North Korea Has Declared Its Own Time Zone That They Are Calling 'pyongyang Time,' And Set Their Clocks Back Half An Hour. So If It's Say, 11:40 Here Now In New York, In North Korea It's Still 1925.

According To A New Report, Since He's Been Governor, Chris Christie Has Spent $82,000 At A Concession Stand At Metlife Stadium. Now, I Know It Seems Like The Perfect Story For A Chris Christie Joke But I'm Actually On A Chris Christie Joke Diet. So Nothing For Me, Thanks.

The Federal Government Is Starting To Plan For Climate Change By Making Extended Forecasts That Can Help People Plan For Extreme Weather - Because What Can Go Wrong When You Combine The Efficiency Of Government With The Accuracy Of Weathermen?

A Girl In New York Whose Parents Were On Wife Swap Is Suing The Show For 100-million Dollars For Making Her Look Like A Spoiled Brat. Note To Girl: Guess What Else Makes You Look Like A Spoiled Brat? Being 15 And Suing For A Hundred Million Dollars.

According To A New Survey, Almost Half Of The Voters In Ohio, Florida, And Pennsylvania Say That They Do Not Trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans Immediately Got Together And Said, 'ok, This Is A Huge Opportunity For Us. How Are We Going To Screw It Up?'

Japan And South Korea Are On High Alert After North Korea Successfully Launched A Long-range Rocket. Both Countries Are Surprised By North Korea's Successful Launch, But Definitely Not As Surprised As North Korea.

We Have A Really, Really Great Dog. It Doesn't Bark. My Dog Almost Smiles, Which Is Weird. He's Just A Very Happy Dog.

There Are Reports That President Obama And His Family May Move To New York City After His Term Is Over. Unfortunately, The City Is So Expensive, He's Looking For Another Ex-president To Be Roommates With.

I Like To See People Laugh Who Are Normally Serious.

Today President Obama Gave A Major Speech Where He Defended His Handling Of The Economy. And There Were Tons Of People In The Audience, You Know, Since Nobody Had To Be At Work.

Senator Rand Paul Reflected On Mitt Romney's Potential 2016 Campaign And Said, 'it's Sort Of What Einstein Said, That The Definition Of Insanity Is To Do The Same Thing Over And Over Again And Expect A Different Result.' When Someone Told Him Einstein Didn't Actually Say That, He Said, 'in The Words Of Gandhi, 'my Bad.''

During A Speech On Sunday, President Obama Said To The Crowd, 'we've Got To Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.' This Went On For An Hour Until Someone Finally Fixed His Teleprompter.

A New Study Found That Students Who Are Taught Abstinence End Up With Better Math Scores. Of Course, If You Join The Math Team, The Abstinence Takes Care Of Itself.

I Read One Chapter Of A Book And Put It Down. Thank God For Kindle.

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