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A Harvard Medical School Study Has Determined That Rectal Thermometers Are Still The Best Way To Tell A Baby's Temperature. Plus, It Really Teaches The Baby Who's Boss.

-Tina Fey

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A Harvard Medical School

Tina Fey

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A Harvard Medical School Study Has Determined That Rectal Thermometers Are Still The Best Way To Tell A Baby's Temperature. Plus, It Really Teaches The Baby Who's Boss.

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If You're An Actor And You Don't Get Cast In Stuff A Lot, Then Put Together A Show Or Hold Play-reading Nights At Your Apartment. Make Your Own Opportunities.

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Do Your Thing And Don't Care If They Like It.

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Funny Motivational

When I Started On 'saturday Night Live,' I Had The Choice Of Wearing Contact Lenses, Which I Had Never Worn Before, Or Glasses, In Order To Be Able To Read The Cue Cards.

I Went To The University Of Virginia And I Came From, I Grew Up In Suburban Philadelphia.

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[...] Things Most People Do Naturally Are Often Inexplicably Difficult For Me.

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Whenever You See Me, I'm On Antique Quaaludes.

If You Are Capable People Are Happy To Play With You.

Instead Of Trying To Fit An Impossible Ideal, I Took A Personal Inventory Of All My Healthy Body Parts For Which I Am Grateful: Straight Greek Eyebrows. They Start At The Hairline At My Temple And, Left Unchecked, Will Grow Straight Across My Face And Onto Yours.

If You Are A Woman And You Bought This Book For Practical Tips On How To Make It In A Male-dominated Workplace, Here They Are. No Pigtails, No Tube Tops. Cry Sparingly. (some People Say “never Let Them See You Cry.” I Say, If You’re So Mad You Could Just Cry, Then Cry. It Terrifies Everyone.)

I Feel Like There Is A Lot Of Inherent Humor In The Stress And Insanity Surrounding That Process. People Lose Their Minds, Trying To Prove Their Parental Worth By Getting Their Children Into One Of Five Colleges; When There Are Thousands Of Good Colleges Across The United States - And Elsewhere.

The Same Ten Minutes That Magazines Urge Me To Use For Sit-ups And Triceps Dips, I Used For Sobbing.

Either Way, Everything Will Be Fine. But If You Have An Opinion, Please Feel Free To Offer It To Me Through The Gap In The Door Of A Public Restroom. Everyone Else Does.

A Wise Friend Once Told Me, 'don't Wear What Fashion Designers Tell You To Wear. Wear What They Wear.'

Gravity”: “it’s The Story Of How George Clooney Would Rather Float Away Into Space And Die Then Spend One More Minute With A Woman His Own Age.

Lesson Learned? When People Say, "you Really, Really Must" Do Something, It Means You Don't Really Have To. No One Ever Says, "you Really, Really Must Deliver The Baby During Labor." When It's True, It Doesn't Need To Be Said.

Politics And Prostitution Have To Be The Only Jobs Where Inexperience Is Considered A Virtue. In What Other Profession Would You Brag About Not Knowing Stuff? “i’m Not One Of Those Fancy Harvard Heart Surgeons. I’m Just An Unlicensed Plumber With A Dream And I’d Like To Cut Your Chest Open.” The Crowd Cheers.

It Was Reported That Guy Ritchie Has Cast His Wife Madonna In A Small Walk-on Role In His New Movie, Revolver. Madonna Will Play The Part Of The Woman Who Ruins The Film.

It Was Scary To Be In That World Of Politics. I Felt Uncomfortable To Be In That Discussion. The Weird Thing Is, When Darrell Hammond Or Will Ferrell Or Dana Carvey Did An Impersonation Of A President, No One Assumed It Was Personal, But Because Sarah Palin And I Are Both Women And People Think Women Are Meaner To Each Other, Everyone Assumed It Was Personal.

I Think My Level Of Fame Will Drop Back Down. I Think It’ll Recede. In Fact, I Know It Will. That’s Life On Planet Earth. And I’m Okay With That. Besides Getting Tables At Restaurants And Special Treatment At The Airport, What Else Is There?

Don't Be Too Precious Or Attached To Anything You Write. Let Things Be Malleable.

My Favorite Day At 30 Rock Is Thursday, When The Show Airs. At Lunch We Screen The Episodes. For Everyone To Watch Together, To See The Stuff We All Worked On, To Hear The Crew Laugh - It’s Great Fun.

Whatever The Problem, Be Part Of The Solution. Don’t Just Sit Around Raising Questions And Pointing Out Obstacles.

North Korea Threatened To Attack If Sony Pictures Released The Interview, Forcing Us All To Pretend That We Wanted To See It.

Am I Just Chasing It Because It's The Hardest Thing For Me To Get And I Want To Prove I Can Do It?

It Was Reported That The New York Knicks Have Won All 12 Of The Home Games Attended By Magician David Blaine. A Spokesman For The Knicks Said, 'if This Is What It Takes To Win, It's Not Worth It.'

When I First Set Out To Ruin Snl, I Didn't Think Anyone Would Notice, But I Persevered Because - Like You Trying To Do A Nine-piece Jigsaw Puzzle - It Was A Labour Of Love.

So, My Unsolicited Advice To Women In The Workplace Is This. When Faced With Sexism, Or Ageism, Or Lookism, Or Even Really Aggressive Buddhism, Ask Yourself The Following Question: “is This Person In Between Me And What I Want To Do?” If The Answer Is No, Ignore It And Move On. Your Energy Is Better Used Doing Your Work And Outpacing People That Way. Then, When You’re In Charge, Don’t Hire The People Who Were Jerky To You.

Funny Motivational

I Have No Affinity For Animals. I Don’t Hate Animals And I Would Never Hurt An Animal; I Just Don’t Actively Care About Them. When A Coworker Shows Me Cute Pictures Of Her Dog, I Struggle To Respond Correctly, Like An Autistic Person Who Has Been Taught To Recognize Human Emotions From Flash Cards. In Short, I Am The Worst.

...i Can't Possibly Take Time Off For A Second Baby, Unless I Do, In Which Case That Is Nobody's Business And I'll Never Regret It For A Moment Unless It Ruins My Life.

(my Proudest Moment As A Child Was The Time I Beat My Uncle Pierre At Scrabble With The Seven-letter Word Farting.)

Sometimes, You Can Feel Or See How A Movie Can... How You Can Do It. Sometimes It's Just Like Seeing, "can That Work? Will People Buy That? Can We Do That?" And All Those Checkmarks.

A Combustion Engine Of Ambition And Disappointment.

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Jessica Hagedorn

Saint Francis De Sales

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