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Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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Women In Bed Are

Jeff Foxworthy

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Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

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More From Jeff Foxworthy

You Might Be A Redneck If You Can Tell Your Age By The Number Of Rings In The Bathtub.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Father Encourages You To Quit School Because Larry Has An Opening On The Lube Rack.

You Know, I Remember Career Day In High School. I Remember Plumbers And Lawyers... I Don't Remember A Booth Where You Could Sign Up To Learn How To Shoot Chickens Out Of A Cannon At The Windshield Of An Airplane, 'cause There Would Have Been A Line At My School To Do That!

Country Music Is About New Love And It's About Old Love. It's About Gettin' Drunk And Gettin' Sober. It's About Leavin' And It's About Comin' Home. It's Real Music Sung By Real People For Real People, The People That Make Up The Backbone Of This Country. You Can Call Us Rednecks If You Want. We're Not Offended, 'cause We Know What We're All About. We Get Up And Go To Work, We Get Up And Go To Church, And We Get Up And Go To War When Necessary.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stood In Line To Get Your Picture Taken With A Freak Of Nature.

You Have To Change Those Diapers Every Day. When Those Directions On The Side Of The Pampers Box Say, 'holds 6-12 Pounds' They're Not Kidding!

If You Ahve Ever Unloaded Your Pickup By Backing Up Really Fast And Slamming On The Brakes, You Might Be A Redneck.

I'm Two Decisions Away From Putting Up Drywall For A Living. I Am, And There's Nothing Wrong With That, But Whatever I Got, It's Through The Grace Of God, And I've Got To Use It Right.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Sophisticated Show-biz Cousin Is A Rodeo Clown.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Gives You Tips On How To Sneak Booze Into Sporting Events.

You May Be A Redneck If . . . You Think You Are An Entrepreneur Because Of The "dirt For Sale" Sign In The Front Yard.

You Might Be A Redneck If Every Electrical Outlet In Your House Is A Fire Hazard.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Has Ever Been Asked To Leave A Bingo Game Because Of Her Language.

When I Did The Sitcom I Was Too Naive. I Thought, Well, They Know What They're Talking About, Let's Do That.

You Might Be A Redneck If During Your Senior Year You And Your Mother Had Homeroom Together.

People Should See Your Faith. If All You Do Is Talk About Your Faith And People Don't See It, But They Ought To See It In The Way You Treat Your Family, You Treat Your Friends, You Treat Your Community.

I Had To Perform At The White House For The President, That's Always Kind Of A Weird Set To Try To Put Together.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Hood And One Door Are A Different Color From The Rest Of Your Car.

You Might Be A Redneck If It's Easier To Spray Weed Killer On Your Lawn Than Mow It.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your House Doesn't Have Curtains, But Your Truck Does.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Birth Announcement Included The Word Rug Rat.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Good Tan To Be The Back Of Your Neck And The Left Arm Below The Shirt Sleeve.

It's Like Cuddling With A Butterball Turkey.

If Men Have A Smell It's Usually An Accident.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Prominently Display A Gift You Bought At Graceland.

It Seems Like Movies That Have Heart To Them Always Do Well, And They Find Their Audience.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Mother Has Been Involved In A Fist Fight At A High School Sports Event.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Go To A Tupperware Party For A Haircut.

I Think With A Comedian, When You Get To The Point Of A Greatest Hits, It's Kind Of An Acknowledgment That You've Been Doing Stand-up A Long Time, Which Not Very Many People Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Dated Your Daddy's Current Wife In High School.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Would Rather Go The Racetrack Than The Kennedy Center.

I've Got Keys To Crap I've Never Owned. You Put All My Keys Together I Could Be A High School Janitor Tonight.

It's Sad When You See Somebody That Talented That Passes Away And Doesn't Have To.

By The Time We Get To Church, I Need Church Cuz I've Been Yelled At By Everyone In The Family.

Sophisticated People Invest Their Money In Stock Portfolios. Rednecks Invest Their Money In Commemorative Plates.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Watch Little House On The Prairie For Decorating Tips.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think A Chain Saw Is A Musical Instrument.

I've Got Nothing Against Tattoos. I Don't Have One Myself. If I Did, It Would Be Right There Next To My Watch. It Would Say "your Wife's Birthday Is August 2nd, Your Anniversary Is September 18th, Don't Let Ron White Drive Your Car Again."

You Might Be A Redneck If... Your High School Basketball Game Got Rained Out.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you Bought A Vcr So You Could Tape Wrestling While You Are At Work.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Saved Lots Of Money On Your Honeymoon By Going Deer Hunting.

Did You Know Babies Are Nauseated By The Smell Of A Clean Shirt? You Put On Something From The Cleaners, They're Gonna Spit Up Just Like That. My Wardrobe Looks Like We Have Condors Living In Our Yard.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Dogs Name Is Miller Light

You Might Be A Redneck If...you've Been On Tv More Than Times Describing The Sound Of A Tornado.

The Stuff That Made Me Mad 20 Years Ago Doesn't Really Make Me Mad Any More.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Refused To Watch The Academy Awards Since Smokey And The Bandit Was Snubbed For Best Picture.

You Might Be A Redneck If In An Effort To Watch Your Cholesterol, You Eat Spam Lite.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Boat Has Not Left The Driveway In 15 Years.

I Would Love For Someone To Offer Me A Serious Part In Something. I Don't Know If I Could Even Pull It Off, But I Would Like To Be The Cowboy That Rides Off And Someone Shoots Him Off The Horse In The Middle Of Town. Just A Serious Role. It Wouldn't Have To Be A Big One.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Own All The Components Of Soap On A Rope Except The Soap.

I Talked To Larry The Cable Guy The Other Day. Larry's Made More Money Than 10 People Should Ever Make In A Lifetime. He Was Excited Because He'd Gone Over To The Livestock Auction And Bought 20 New Feeder Pigs.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Use A Radiator Hose To Fix Your Kitchen Sink.

As An Individual, As A Household, You Can't Spend More Money Than You're Bringing In. You Can Do It For A Little While, But You End Up Going Broke And You End Up Losing Everything You Have. That Is The Path That We're On As A Country, And It Scares Me To Death.

Losing Everything

If Someone At Fleet Farm Offers You Assistance And They Don't Work There You Might Live In Wisconsin.

You Might Be A Redneck If Going To The Bathroom Involves Shoes And A Flashlight.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Picture Of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Or Elvis Over Your Fireplace.

If You've Ever Made Change In The Offering Plate, You Might Be A Redneck.

If You Have A Complete Set Of Salad Bowls And They All Say Kool Whip On The Side, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Every Episode Of Hee Haw On Tape.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Were Shooting Pool When Your Kids Were Born.

The Designated Driver Program, It's Not A Desirable Job. But If You Ever Get Sucked Into Doing It, Drop Them Off At The Wrong House.

Hell, When I Was In High School, A "drive-by Shooting" Meant Somebody Had Their Rear End Hanging Out A Car Window!

I Love Comedy. God Has Given Me This Platform.

I'm Very Lucky In That I've Gotten To Do A Lot Of Things. But If You Ever Put A Gun To My Head And Said, "you Can Only Do One," I'd Think It Would Be Stand-up. I Think It's The Coolest Job In The World.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Favorite Hunting Dog Has A Bigger Tombstone Than Your Grandfather.

My Grandma's The Most Careful, Safe Driver In The World. You Put Her In A Rental Car, And She's Doing Doughnuts In The K-mart Parking Lot!

I Was Talking To Alan Jackson. He Had His Second Greatest Hits Album. He Said, You Don't Ever Get Into This Really Thinking You're Gonna Make It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Won't Stop At A Rest Area If You Have An Empty Beer Can In The Car.

If You Don't Have Anything Good To Say About Someone, You Must Be Talking About Hillary Clinton.

I've Been To All 50 States, And Traveled This Whole Country, And 90 Percent Of The People Are Good Folks. The Rest Of Them Take After The Other Side Of The Family.

You Know That You Are A Teacher When You Spend More Money On School Stuff Than You Do On Your Own Children.

That's The Great Thing About A Tractor. You Can't Really Hear The Phone Ring.

My Wife Is So Analytical With Raising Kids, And I Am Not. My Feeling Is If They Turn Out Good, Then That Means I Was A Good Daddy And Put A Lot Of Effort Into It. If They Turn Out Bad, It Means They Took After Her Side Of The Family.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Hammer Bottle Caps Into The Frame Of Your Front Door To Make It Look Nice.

The Only Negative About Doing Stand-up Is That You're On The Road By Yourself. When You're On The Road With Comics We Just Crack Each Other Up Every Night Going, "can You Believe They're Paying Us To Do This? They're Crazy.

You Might Be A Redneck If You See A Sign That Says Say No To Crack And It Reminds You To Pull Your Jeans Up.

That's Just Something Instinctual Within Men. We Always Feel Like We've Got To Protect Our Stuff. Even If It's Not Worth Protecting, We Want To Protect It. You Ever Seen People Who Have Like A Piece Of Crap Pinto With A Club On The Steering Wheel. Somebody Breaks The Window, Steals The Club, Leaves The Pinto In A Pile Of Glass.

Kids Aren't Suppose To Have Cancer, They're Suppose To Have A Future.

As A Comedian I Appreciate Every Kind Of Comedy. You Decide For Yourself What You're Going To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Tobacco Chewers In Your Family Aren't Just Men.

If You Think A Quaterhorse Is That Ride In Front Of Kmart.. You Might Be A Rednneck

I Know If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy.

If Your Neighbors Think You're A Detective Because A Cop Always Brings You Home, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If On Your First Date You Had To Ask Your Dad To Borrow The Keys To The Tractor.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Your License Plate Personalized Because Your Dad Made It In Prison.

We Sing About God Because We Believe In Him. We Are Not Trying To Offend Anybody, But The Evidence That We Have Seen Of Him In Our Small Little Lives Trumps Your Opinion About Whether Or Not He Exists.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Parakeet Knows The Phrase Open Up, Police!

If You Can't Remember The Last Time You Had Sex With A Woman, You're Either Gay, Or Married.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Go Christmas Shopping For Your Mom, Sister, And Girlfriend, And You Only Need To Buy One Gift.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Wish Your Outhouse Was As Nice As Those At The State Park.

You Might Be A Redneck If The First Words Out Of Your Mouth Every Time You See Friends Are Howdy!, Hey! Or How Y'all Doin'?

You Might Be A Redneck If The Receptionist Checks The Rat Traps At Your Place Of Business.

You Might Be A Redneck If You're A Lite Beer Drinker, Because You Start Drinking When It Gets Light.

You Take A Normal Guy, Give Him A Wife, Give Them Time, And You've Got An Idiot!

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think That The Styrofoam Cooler Is The Greatest Invention Of All Time.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

You Might Be A Redneck If Motel 6 Turns Off The Lights When They See You Coming.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Bumper Sticker Says, My Other Car Is A Combine.

You Might Be A Redneck If Taking A Dip Has Nothing To Do With Water.

Thank God I'm At That Point In My Career Where I Don't Have To Take Stuff That I Don't Really Want To Do.

You Might Be A Redneck If When You Run Out Of Gas, You Put Gin In The Gas Tank.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Highlight Of Your Parties Is When You Flip Out Your False Teeth.

I Actually Had A Chance To Be In Delta Farce, But I Couldn't Do It Because I Read The Script.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Worn A Dress That Is Strapless With A Bra That Isn't.

You Might Be A Redneck If Taking Your Wife On A Cruise Means Circling The Dairy Queen.

I'll Just Have Itchy, Watery Eyes!

Ladies Have Come Up With All These Expressions To Reassure Men. "oh, Honey, It's Not The Size Of The Ship, It's The Motion Of The Ocean." That May Be True, But It Takes A Long Time To Get To England In A Rowboat.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Home Shopping Channel Operator Recognizes Your Voice.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Momma Calls You Over To Help, Cause She Has A Flat Tire On Her House.

If Your Mother Doesn't Remove The Marlboro From Her Lips Before Telling The State Trooper To Kiss Her Ass, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think People That Send Out Graduation Announcements Are Show-offs.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Stared At A Can Of Orange Juice Because It Said Concentrate.

Talking With Gary Busey Is Kinda Like Sex. You Want To Do It, You Just Don't Want To Be Alone When You Do It.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Most Expensive Shoes Have Numbers On The Heels.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Stand Under The Mistletoe At Christmas And Wait For Granny And Cousin Sue-ellen To Walk By.

If You Think Fast Food Is Hittin A Deer Att 65 Miles Per Hr.. You Might Be A Redneck

We Probably Stagnate Our Children's Emotional Growth By Not Letting Them Have Some Separation From Us.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your 'huntin Dog' Cost More Than The Truck You Drive Him Around In.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Anniversary Present Was Getting The Septic Tank Pumped.

Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

You Might Be A Redneck If When You Leave Your House, You Are Followed By Federal Agents Of The Bureau Of Alcohol Tobacco And Firearms, And The Only Thing You Worry About Is If You Can Lose Them Or Not.

I Got My Wife A Mood Ring. It Works Real Good! When Shes In A Good Mood It Turns Blue, But When Shes In A Bad Mood Theres A Red Mark Across My Forehead

The More Excited The Rooster Gets, The Higher His Voice Goes. He's Got A Little Bit Of A Barney Fife Quality To Him.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Coffee Table Used To Be A Telephone Cable Spool.

If The Veins In The Back Of Your Legs Look Like The Street Map Of Greater Pittsburgh, You Ain't Nobody's Babydoll.

I Have Never Been Jealous. Not Even When My Dad Finished Fifth Grade A Year Before I Did.

How Is A Redneck Divorce Similar To A Tornado? You Know That Somewhere, Somehow, Someone Is Gonna Lose A Trailer.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Think Silence Of The Lambs Is What Happens When Larry Walks Out To The Barn.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Watch Cartoons Long After Your Kids Get Bored.

I'm An Outdoor Nut. If I'm Not Working, I'm On A Tractor On My Farm, Hunting, Fishing Or Climbing A Mountain.

There's A Whole Segment Of The Population With A Mentality That Bases Good Times On Where They Can Go And What They Can Buy.

You Might Be A Redneck If People Hear Your Car Long Before They See It.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Grow Vidalia Onions, Rather Than Considering Them A Gourmet Item.

I Always Wore Cowboy Boots And Drove A Truck, And Talked Like This. So Everywhere I Would Go In Comedy People Would Say, "foxworthy, You Ain't Nothing But A Redneck From Georgia!" It Kind Of Became A Formula Joke.

To Me, The Media In New York And La Have Always Missed The Essence Of This Country.

You Might Be A Redneck If... The Blue Book Value Of Your Truck Goes Up And Down Depending On How Much Gas It Has In It.

Look At Where Jesus Went To Pick People. He Didn't Go To The Colleges; He Got Guys Off The Fishing Docks.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Classes At School Were Cancelled Because The Path To The Restroom Was Flooded.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandfather Completely Executes The Pull My Finger Trick At The Family Reunion.

If Your Biggest Tax Deduction Was Bail Money, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider A Six-pack And A Bug-zapper High-quality Entertainment.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Refer To The Time You Won A Free Case Of Oil As The Day My Ship Came In.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Consider Pork And Beans To Be A Gourmet Food.

If Your Stomach Blocks Your View Of Your Feet, Cover It Up! The Only People Who Should Be Wearing Belly Shirts Are People Who Don't Have Bellies. Now Those Little Baby Spare Tires Are Kinda Cute; Tractor Tires Aren't! Especially If They've Got Hair On Them!

A Lot Of People Up North, They Think Everybody From The South Is Married To Their Sister And Has Seen A Ufo. I Told Them, 'i'm Just Dating My Sister And Couldn't Swear That It Wasn't A Weather Balloon.'

I Think For One Thing, Kids Are A Lot Smarter Now Then We Ever Were.

I Say, If Everybody In This House Lives Where It's God First, Friends And Family Second And You Third, We Won't Ever Have An Argument.

Have You Ever Seen People So Ugly That You Have To Get Someone Else To Verify It?

Do You Know Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder? 'cause There's No Dental Records And All The Dna Is The Same.

Louisiana Has The Best Food On The Planet If You Don't Really Ask Too Much About What You're Eating.

Every Generation Thinks They Invented Sex, Which Is The Stupidest Assumption In The World Because If That Was The Case, You Wouldn't Even Be Here.

If Your Thighs Look Like The Hood Of A White Toyota Minivan After A Hailstorm, You Aren't Juicy.

If Your Working Television Sits On Top Of Your Non-working Television, You Might Be A Redneck.

When You Get To Your Third Millionth Frequent Flyer Mile, I Think Something Snaps In Your Brain.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have Flowers Planted In A Bathroom Appliance In Your Front Yard.

I Just Love People. I Love This Country. I Am The American Dream. I Grew Up By The Airport With A Dirt Yard. Never In My Life Should I Have Been A Success. So That's What I Love About This Country [usa], Is You Get Out There And You Have The Opportunity And You Work Hard At It, And You Can Be A Success.

Did You Know Babies Are Nauseated By The Smell Of A Clean Shirt?

You Might Be A Redneck If You Move Your Refrigerator And The Grass Underneath It Has Turned Yellow.

You Might Be A Redneck If You've Ever Hauled A Can Of Paint To The Top Of A Water Tower To Defend Your Sister's Honor.

The Things That I'm Talking About Not Knowing, They're Not Mysteries Of The Universe; It's Just Stuff I Thought I Would Know By The Time I Was Thirty-nine.

It's Not My Dreams That Get Me In Trouble, It's What My Wife Dreams I Did. My Wife Punched Me In The Middle Of The Night; I Woke Up And Went Oww! What Was That For?, And She Goes I Dreamt You Were Making Out With Faith Hill. I Said I Wasn't Dreaming Anything! Send Her Over To My Dreams, And We'll Both Be Happy.

The Thing About That Singles Apartment Is You Never Had To Clean It Up... Until The Day You Got The Security Deposit Back. You're Arguing With The Landlord... 'no Sir, The Back Door Was Missing When We Moved In Here! The Pizzas Were Always On The Ceiling!'

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Grandmother Can Correctly Execute The Sleeper Hold.

If You're A Redneck, You Have That Blood Flowing Through Your Veins. That's Almost On The Bucket List, To Hear "freebird" Live.

You Might Be A Redneck If Someone Tells You You Have Something In Your Teeth, And You Take Them Out To See What It Is.

As An Actor, There Was That Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Lights Or Marks Or Other People. It Was Just Going Out There And Having Fun With The Character.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Kids Are Going Hungry Tonight Because You Just Had To Have Those Yosemite Sam Mud Flaps.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have To Go Outside To Get Something Out Of The Fridge.

You Might Be A Redneck If...you Think That John Deere Green, Ford Blue, And Primer Gray Are The Three Of The Primary Colors.

As A Comic, You Learn To Use Your Voice Because You Don't Have The Benefit Of Visual Things.

Now, It's True I Married My Wife For Her Looks... But Not The Ones She's Been Givin' Me Lately.

Sacrificing Myself To Kill Hilary Clinton Was The Best Thing I Could Possibly Do For Humanity

You Might Be A Redneck If You're Turned On By A Woman Who Can Field Dress A Deer.

Please Don't Get Me Wrong Here. I'm Not Making Fun Of Old People. In Fact I Think That's The Goal Of Everybody Here Tonite. We All Want To Be An Old Person Someday.

You Might Be A Redneck If Exxon And Conoco Have Offered You Royalties For Your Hair.

Some People Like To Keep Their Grass Cut Really Short, So They Can See The Intruders Coming. Keep Those Kill Zones Open. I Say Let The Grass Grow Tall So They Don't Know There's A House Behind It. Some Call It Lazy, I Say It's Thinking.

If You Know All 4 Seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter And Road Construction, You May Live In Canada

You Might Be A Redneck If The Antenna On Your Truck Is A Danger To Low Flying Airplanes.

You Might Be A Redneck If Santa Claus Refuses To Let Your Kids Sit In His Lap.

You May Be A Redneck If... You Have Spent More On Your Pickup Truck Than On Your Education.

Because Criminals Know That When They See A House With 2 Foot Tall Grass, A Dog On A Chain, And An Engine Hanging From A Tree, A Gun Lives In That House. And If You Want To Know What Kind, Just Break In At 2 In The Morning.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Pocketknife Has Ever Been Referred To As Exhibit A.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Own At Least 20 Baseball Hats.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Work With A Shirt Off... And So Does Your Husband.

People Would Say, Can We Develop A Sitcom Around You? And I Would Say, Not Interested. I'm Very Happy Doing Standup And Writing And Taking My Kids To School.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Salvation Army Declines Your Mattress.

We're A Heart Attack Away From Losing The Right To Bear Arms.

If Most People Wanted To Be Incognito, They Put On A Fake Beard Or Mustache. If I Wanted To I'd Just Shave Mine Off.

You Break Into My House, I Will Shoot You. My Wife Will Shoot You And Then Spend Thirty Minutes Telling You Why She Shot You.

If You Have More Fish On Your Wall Than Pictures, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If The Biggest Fashion Risk You Take Is Which Plaid You'll Wear To The 4-h Fair.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Color Coordinating Rope That Ties Down Your Car Hood.

You Can Call Us Rednecks If You Want. We're Not Offended, 'cause We Know What We're All About. We Get Up And Go To Work, We Get Up And Go To Church, And We Get Up And Go To War When Necessary.

I Tried Real Hard To Play Golf, And I Was So Bad At It They Would Have To Check Me For Ticks At The End Of The Round Because I'd Spent About Half The Day In The Woods.

If You Think The Last Four Words To The National Anthem Are " Gentleman, Start Your Engines", You Might Be A Redneck.

You Find Out That All This Stuff You've Accumulated, You Could Care Less About It. It's Just The Relationships That Matter.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Favorite Christmas Present Was A Painting On Black Velvet.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Beer Can Collection Is Considered A Tourist Attraction In Your Home Town.

You Might Be A Redneck If There Is A Sheet Hanging In Your Closet And A Gun Rack Hanging In Your Truck.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Has A Beer Belly And You Find It Attractive.

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