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What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

-Denis Leary

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What Firefighters, And People

Denis Leary

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What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

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I Basically - I Don't Like Tattoos, Unless You're A Firefighter Who Has A Tattoo That Has To Do With That Or A Military Guy. That's - Those Are People Who Should Have Tattoos.

It Says On The Back Of The Nyquil Box, 'may Cause Drowsiness.' It Should Say, 'don't Make Any Plans, Ok? Kiss Your Family And Friends Good-bye.'

Family And Friends

I Certainly Know Guys In Comedy, I Know Some Actors, And I Definitely Know Some Musicians, Who Have Survived To A Certain Age And Make A Good Living Doing What They Do, But Nobody Knows Who They Are. They Wake Up Every Day And They Have The Ability To Get Paid Practicing Their Art, But Underneath It All, If You Scratched The Surface, You Still Get, "if I Only Had My Own Show . . .," Or "if I Only Had My Own Band . . ." It's What People Always Do When They Want To Be Their Own Star.

It's Important To Have Your Own Space. I've Never Trusted People Who Do Everything Together. I Call Them "kool-aid Couples," Because It's Like They Drank The Same Kool-aid And It's Drugged Them Into Constantly Gazing Into Each Other's Eyes.

When I Was A Teenager, You Couldn't Get Straight Pants. Then In '76, When Punk Started To Hit, It Was A Revelation That You Could Find Straight Pants Again.

I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

The Second Season Is Generally Easier Do Because You Know The Actors Better And They Know The Characters Better And If Everybody Likes Each Other You Can Really Go All Types Of Places.

What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

My Career Plan At This Point Is 'ice Age 5' Through '10,' And Even '12,' And 'spider Man' - You Know, Basically I'd Be Emma Stone's Dad For The Rest Of My Career. I Really Don't Have Any Problem Doing That.

I'm No Prophet And I'm No Genius, But I Can Only Tell You What I Seem To Know. As A Fan Of Television And The Movies, I Think It's All For The Better.

The Only Difference Between Kids And Jungle Animals Is Pants. Kids Wear Them. Jungle Animals Don't.

I'm Pretty Much A Chocolate Guy. I'm Up For Any Type Of Chocolate. Any Chocolate.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Bigger And Better

Everything You Look At Now, The Scripts That Come In That You Look At, The Television Scripts Are Way Better Than The Movie Script. The Talent Is Going To Television.

Certain Movies Like 'wag The Dog,' We Used Improv On Every Scene That We Did. Pretty Much, We Would Shoot From The Script And Then Some Stuff That We Came Up With In Rehearsal, And Then We'd Have At Least One Or Two Takes Where We Completely Went Off The Script And Just Flew By The Seat Of Our Pants.

I'm Praying For 'ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 And 10. Because I Really Think We Can Run Those Characters Into The '60s, And I'm Talking The 1960s, You Know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's What I'm Praying For, Because Then I Wouldn't Have To Do Anything Else.

I Wanted To Be A Hockey Player. Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used. I Was Terrible In School And Actually Said, 'i'm Going To Be A Hockey Player.'

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

I Take Music Pretty Seriously. You See That Scar On My Wrist? You See That? You Know Where That's From? I Heard The Bee Gees Were Getting Back Together Again. I Couldn't Take It, Ok!

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

When You Write About Real Life, There's Always A Chance That Somebody Involved Is Going To See It And Get Upset.

Jerry Lewis Has Been Married Twenty Times. He Gets Married On A Tuesday, They Find His Wife Dead In A Swimming Pool On Thursday. Maybe If You Married Someone Who's Old Enough To Swim Next Time, Ok Jerry?

In My Experience In Series Tv If You Have A Good Crew And A Great Cast It's Going To Be A Great Group - Similar To The Theater Where It's A Bunch Of People Who Are Really Talented And Go To Work Each Day And Challenge Each Other And If You Are Lucky Enough To Get A Hit Then It's Five Or Six Or Seven Years Of This Kind Of Work.

I Love To Smoke. I Smoke Seven Thousand Packs A Day!

I'm Not Saying Being A Comedian Is Brain Surgery, But It Is Definitely - It's Like Being A Carpenter. You Learn How To Make Tables And Chairs. You Have To Have The Right Tools, And You Have To Know How To Put The Thing Together, Right?

Tables And Chairs

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It.

Science Fiction

When I Go To Batman Movies, I Always Think, 'man, I Would Like To Be A Bad Guy In A Batman Movie.' Especially As They Got Darker When They Go To The Christian Bale Era.

I Would Never Do Crack... I Would Never Do A Drug Named After A Part Of My Own Ass, Okay?

If The World Somehow Actually Ends Tomorrow, Let All Forget About The Mayans And Just Agree It`s The Nhl`s Fault

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid. But, Yeah, It's Not Identifying, I Think It's More A Part Of My Natural Dna That I Question Anybody Who Has A Plan. Everybody's Got To Have An Angle; That's The Way I Grew Up.

I Bought My Daughter A Chihuahua And I Fell In Love With It. So Now I Carry Coco Around With Me All The Time.

I've Been Nominated For Emmys And Golden Globes, But I've Never Won One And I Probably Never Will.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

I'm Sick And Tired Of Our Generation Being Called The Tv Generation. What Do You Expect? We Watched Lee Harvey Oswald Get His Brains Blown Out All Over. How Could We Change The Channel After That?

I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

Yeah, I Love Living In New York, Man, And People Who Live In New York, We Wear That Fact Like A Badge Right On Our Sleeve Because We Know That Fact Impresses Everybody! I Was In Vietnam. So What? I Live In New York!

My Wife And I Were Poor When I Started But We Struggled Along Until Things Happened For Me In My Thirties. I Knew I Was Doing What I Loved Even If I Wasn't Getting Paid For It, So I Think I'd Still Be Doing It.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

I Try And Shoot As Often As I Can, I Cross Shoot. I Have At Least Two Cameras Rolling At The Same Time. So I'll Have Two Actors Or Two Sets Of Actors At A Time So Everybody's Basically On Camera. So When They Improvise We Have Everybody's Coverage. And You Can Then Go In The Editing Room And Find The Energy Still Stays There.

Julieanne Smolinksi Has A History In Rock Journalism And She's A Huge Rock 'n' Roll Fan, And She Was A Huge Fan Of Ava (elaine Hendrix) And Gigi (elizabeth Gillies) And Of The Actresses. I Was Really Lucky To Get Her, In Between Seasons On Grace And Frankie.

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

Racism Isn't Born, Folks, It's Taught. I Have A Two-year-old Son. You Know What He Hates? Naps! End Of List.

I'm Really Good At Laundry, And I Have No Problem Cleaning The Kitchen.

My Biggest Regret In Life Is That I Didn't Hit John Denver In The Mouth While I Has The Chance.

The Best Pitch I Ever Heard About Cocaine Was Back In The Early Eighties When A Street Dealer Followed Me Down The Sidewalk Going: I Got Some Great Blow Man. I Got The Stuff That Killed Belushi.

First Of All, I Have To Have Trucks Because I Live Most Of My Time On A Horse Farm, So I've Gotta Have Trucks. It's In The Northeast; I've Got To Have Pickup Trucks To Move Snow, Number One. Number Two, Just If I'm Driving, I Don't Have To Have An Suv, But I Want A Big Car.

Liz [gillies] Doesn't Really Listen To Anything New, Besides Adele, Ariana Grande, And Stuff Like That. She Loves '70s Music And Old '60s Songs. She Loves Songwriters From The '70s That I Hate, Like Jim Croce And James Taylor, And She Loves Stevie Nicks And Old Jazz Classics.

Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

Ann Romney Talking About Middle Class Moms Is Like Chris Christie Talking About A Salad

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid.

Most Movies Suck, Even The Independent Ones. Hollywood Is Like Baseball: Hit Three Good Ones Out Of 10 And You're A Hall Of Famer.

All Knowledge Is Ultimately Rooted In Metaphorical (or Analogical) Modes Of Perception And Thought.

Sometimes I Park In Handicap Spaces While Handicapped People Make Handicapped Faces.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

I Was Reading An Interview With Keith Richards In A Magazine And In The Interview Keith Richards Intimated That Kids Should Not Do Drugs. Keith Richards! Says That Kids Should Not Do Drugs! Keith, We Can't Do Any More Drugs Because You Already F-king Did Them All, Alright? There's None Left! We Have To Wait 'til You Die And Smoke Your Ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk About The Pot And The F-kin' Kettle.

Sometimes 'great Acting' Is Just Showing Off - Chewing Up Scenery And Dialogue And Other Actors - The Equivalent Of A Theatrical Sugar Rush.

You Get To A Certain Point, Especially If You're A Comedian, Where People Think Certain Things. It's Like, I Don't Take The Time To Explain It To People, It's Just Part Of What I Do.

For Us As Writers, It's Really Important To Have Songs We Believe In - Even Before Sometimes We Shoot A Scene. If We Have A Song That's So Perfectly Designed For A Scene On 'rescue Me,' We'll Play It On Loud Speakers During The Shooting. It Helps The Cameraman And It Helps The Director, And It Helps The Actors Know What The Feel Is.

I Studied Acting In School And Then Of Course Couldn't Get An Acting Job.

When I'm On Stage, That's Me. It's Blown Up, But That's Me.

It Became Sort Of A Snowball Effect, With Guys Trying To Deal In Their Own Way With 9/11, Whether It Was Drinking Or Whatever.

I'm The Lord Of The Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, It's Me!

I Didn't Raise My Kids With The Fear Of God.

The Key Thing Is To Get That One Splash - That One Song Or That One Video For A Song - That Catches People's Eyes. Because It's All Digital Content Now.

With Any Actor, If You Know Your Character Well Enough, You'll Know Pretty Much What He Would Say Under Any Circumstance, Or Whatever Situation Might Rear Its Head.

If You Do Good Work, It Tends To Stick Around. People Still Come Up To Me And Say, "'the Ref' Is My Favorite Christmas Movie."

Anthony Mackie In 'the Hurt Locker' Is Everything An Actor Can Hope To Be. So Rock Steady In His Portrayal That You Immediately Forget Every Performance He May Have Previously Given, And Focus Only On The Character In Front Of You.

At Some Level, You've Got To Have The Ability To - Especially In Film And In Front Of The Camera, You Got To Have The Ability To Drop Into Character And Close Off The Entire Crew And The Camera And Everything Else.

Worrying About Tomorrow Is The Best Way To Screw Up Today.

There's A Method Aspect To Campbell Scott Character And He Really Wants To Get Into His Character And He Wants To Cast To Go On A Fast So That By The Time The Play Opens Nobody's Eaten In Three Days Because He Wants The Audience To Feel The Pain From The Stage.

My Primary Reason For Bringing My Son On Was To Have A Voice On The Show [sex&drugs&rock&roll] That Would Bring A 25 Or 26 Year Old Point Of View To It, And My Son Is Very Capable Of Writing That Stuff.

You Can Have Good Writing, But A Great Actor Will Make It Feel And Sound Like Great Writing. You Can Have Great Writing, And Mediocre Actors Will Make It Feel Mediocre. Without The Actors, You Have Nothing.

No Matter What Anybody Says, Relationships Are Based On Physical Attraction. The First Time I Saw My Wife, It Was Pure Animal Whatever.

I Wanted A More Female Point Of View.

"yeah, Well, If You Eat Red Meat, It Stays In Your Colon For Fifteen Years!" Good! I Paid For It; I Want It In My Ass, Okay? I Want Them To Find A Meat Sweater From My Esophagus To My Asshole When They Open Me Up In The End! "this Guy's Covered In Meat! He's Meat-man! He's Meat-tracheotomy-man!"

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

There's No Male Oprah.

It's Human Nature For People To Expect People To Be What They See On The Screen.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

Firefighters Are Some Of The Most Selfless Public Servants You Will Ever Encounter.

I'd Love To Play In A Red Sox Game. It Would Be So Awesome To Actually Walk Out On The Field And Play, Just For One Inning. I'd Also Steal Everything I Could Get My Hands On In The Clubhouse, Which Is Why They Won't Let Me Do It.

Campbell [scott] Also Directed Me In A Film With Hope Davis Called Final. That Was The First Thing We Did Together, But I've Known Him For Years.

I Fell Asleep During 'year One' Twice. And My Son, Who Never Falls Asleep During A Jack Black Movie, Also Nodded Off. That's How Bad It Was. I Was Incredibly Disappointed.

I Think We're Going To Carry The 'ice Age's Up To 'ice Age 15,' Which Means Basically They'll Be In The Present Decade.

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

My Dad Was Very Much A John Wayne Kind Of Guy, But He Was Also A Great Guy, Great Sense Of Humor, A Real Dedicated Dad. I Don't Think He Ever Missed A Hockey Game I Was In.

Bill Murray Doesn't Do Anything. He Barely Shows Up At The Movies He Says He's Going To Do.

If You See Me Doing A New Stand-up Special, It Probably Means I've Been Out Of Work For A While.

It's Hard To Have A Film And Television Career And Do Music Work At The Same Time.

Film And Television

I Don't Watch 'american Idol.' I Don't Watch Any Of That Stuff.

There Are About A Thousand Different Variations On A Horse Neigh. Some Of Them Sound Like A Horse Having Sex, Some Of Them Like A Horse Having Sad Sex.

There Are Some Guys I Know For A Fact, Like Louis C.k., Who Always Talk About How Not-great Of An Actor He Is, And He's Terrific On His Show. But I Know Louis Would Play A Fantastic Dramatic Role In Something, Too. He Just Needs Somebody To Grab Him And Say, "come In Here And Do This."

I Don't Want A President Like Me! I Suck, Okay. I Want An Elitist, Smart Guy.

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

Having Dealt With A Lot Of Real Firefighters, I Know There Are A Lot Of Guys Who, For Lack Of A Better Term, Become Addicted To The Grief Because It Has Kept Them Connected To These Guys That They Felt Responsible For Having Lost.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

People Saying, 'life Didn't Turn Out The Way I Wanted It To.' Welcome To The Club. I Wanted To Be The Starting Center-fielder For The Boston Red Sox, For Chrissakes!

Life Sucks,get A Helmet

My Cousin Jerry Lucey And Five Other Firefighters Died In A Warehouse Fire In Worcester, Mass. - My Hometown - Right In The Middle Of Our Old Neighborhood Downtown When A Homeless Couple Started A Fire To Keep Warm And The Entire Building Went Up. My Cousin Died Trying To Save Homeless People Who Had Already Left The Building.

That's Why I'm Glad Jesus Died When He Did. Because If He Lived To Be 40, He Would Have Ended Up Like Elvis. He Was Famous Already At That Point. If He Lived To Be 40, He'd Be Walking Around Jerusalem With A Big Fat Beer Gut And Black Side Burns Going, Damn, I'm The Son Of God. Give Me A Cheeseburger And French Fries Right Now.

I Like To Give The Actors Freedom To Take What We Have On The Page And Improve On It. And They Do That Quite A Bit.

I'm A Lapsed Catholic In The Best Sense Of The Word.

I Really Like 'batman.' Not The Tv Show, But The Dark 'batman.'

I Had A Relationship With An Italian Chick That Was Built On Just Fighting And Sex. As Much As All Women Won't Let Go Of Stuff, Italian Girls Won't Let Go Of Anything. And She Punched Really Hard. I Got Tired Of The Arguing It Took To Get To The Sex.

I've Only Done Two Other Tv Shows [instead Of Sex&drugs&rock&roll], One Was Rescue Me And The Other Was A Show Called The Job, Which Was At Abc And Only On For Two Seasons.

I'm Not Really A Spider-man Fan. I'm More Of A Batman Guy.

Rosemary Rodriguez Directed On Rescue Me For Us, And I Love Her. She's Fantastic With Actresses And She's Got A Great Sense Of Humor. That Was A Huge Thing For Me.

Elvis And I Call Up Cadillac Dealerships All Night Long, Suckin' Down Ny Quil Stingers And Cheese. He Says, What The Hell's Lisa Marie Thinking With That Michael Jackson Crap?

There We Were In The Middle Of A Sexual Revolution Wearing Clothes That Guaranteed We Wouldn't Get Laid.

The Filter's The Best Part. That's Where They Put The Heroin.

I'm A Pretty Boring Guy. Compared To Ashton Kutcher, I Live A Really Boring Existence.

If A Character Dies, You Get To Do A Big, Juicy Death Scene. But The Flip Side Is You're Out Of The Sequel, Which Is Where The Real Money Is.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

When I Become President, All You Assholes That Ride Bikes In The City? Lock And Load! You're Going Down!

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It. So I Don't Think I Could Successfully Pull Off Being On A Project Like That Without Really Losing My Mind.

One Of The Things I Always Believed In Was My Dad Came To America And He Was A Very Talented Musician, But He Couldn't Make A Living That Way So He Had To Support His Family As An Auto Mechanic Which He Also Loved Doing. He Was Also Such A Great Dad Because When I First Told Him I Thought I Wanted To Go Into Show Business, His Response Was Okay, That's Interesting.

I Tried Eating Vegetarian. I Felt Like A Wimp Going Into A Restaurant. "what Do You Want To Eat Sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's A Side Dish, Folks. Always Was, Always Will Be, Ok! When They Ask Me What I Want, I Say: What Do You Think I Want? This Is America. I Want A Bowl Of Raw Red Meat Right Now.

I Love To Smoke. I Love To Eat Red Meat. I'll Only Eat Red Meat That Comes From Cows Who Smoke, Ok!? Special Cows They Grow In Virginia With Voice Boxes In Their Necks. "moo"

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

Most People Don't Know How Underpaid And Often Ill-equipped Urban Fire Departments Are Across North America.

I Don't Want To See A 'sopranos' Movie. This Is Just Me. I Like To Think The End Is Where It Was On Tv As Opposed To Becoming A Movie.

I Really, Really Like 'eastbound & Down.' It's One Of The Few Things That Makes Me Laugh.

George Carlin Was Great Right Up To The End Of His Life. But Richard Pryor Was Probably The Best, Most Gifted Stand-up Comedian Who Will Ever Live.

The First Movie I Saw Where It Convinced Me I Could Be An Actor Was 'mean Streets,' So Whenever I See Robert De Niro And He Says, 'hi, Denis,' It's Still A Really Big Deal.

There Is A Huge Boom In Autism Right Now Because Inattentive Mothers And Competitive Dads Want An Explanation For Why Their Dumb-ass Kids Can't Compete Academically, So They Throw Money Into The Happy Laps Of Shrinks . . . To Get Back Diagnoses That Help Explain Away The Deficiencies Of Their Junior Morons. I Don't Give A [bleep] What These Crackerjack Whack Jobs Tell You - Yer Kid Is Not Autistic. He's Just Stupid. Or Lazy. Or Both.

Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet, And I've Got A Million In Mine, Believe Me. I Tested The Envelope; I Pushed It. Whenever Somebody In Authority Told Me Not To Do Something, I Did It Just To Find Out Why They Said Not To Do It.

Coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup. That's All It Needs! Maybe A Saucer Underneath The Cup — That's It.

My Kids Watch Everything Downloaded; They Have No Idea What The Numbers Or The Names Of The Channels Mean, Except "fx Makes The Show That I See On My Computer." So It's Harder To Get A Show On The Air, But At The Same Time, There Are A Lot Of Terrific Shows.

I Can't Text. My Fingers Are Too Big.

There's Nothing Wrong With An Actor That Can't Improvise, But If You're Going To Improvise, You Gotta Make Sure You Got People That Can Play The Game.

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

There's No Way Around It, Drama Is Very Difficult To Shoot. It's Very Heavy And Something That You Carry With You For The Course Of The Day.

Anybody Who's Done Standup Will Tell You That There's Nothing Like It. The Show Starts At 8:00, The Curtain Goes Up And There's Nobody Else Except You And The Audience, And You Just Perform For Them For Two Hours. Nobody Yells, 'cut!' There Are No Retakes. That Is Still The Most Exciting Medium For Me, And I Love It.

I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

Vacuuming Is Great. I Do The Laundry. I Love Washing Machines. I'm The Maid In My House.

The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

Good Actors, Especially When They Know Their Character, Will Come In And Either Tell You In Advance That They Have An Idea, Or In The Middle Of The Rehearsal Or The Scene They'll Let It Loose And You Go, "ah That's Great."

Here's The Problem With Easter. The Catholic Church Needs To Pick A Date Because It Keeps Moving. And I Think The Reason They Always Have Easter Moving To Different Dates Is To Catch Us.

The Best Comedy Audiences In The Country And This Is Tried And True, I'm Not Just Saying It, In My Opinion Are Boston, Atlanta, And Chicago.

I Did 12 Years With Nuns, You Know. So I Came Out Of It Going, Like, 'i Think Jesus Is All Right.' The Rest Of It I Think Stinks To The High Heavens.

Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

I'm Still Pretty Self-centered, Greedy And Angry.

Happy Easter Everyone! Jesus Dies, Comes Back From The Dead - And We Get Chocolate Eggs. It's Like Turn-down Service From God.

I'm In My Truck Talking To Jesus. And You Can See A World Series Ring On My Right Pinkie Finger. But When I Take My Sunglasses Off A Second Later, It's Gone. It's The Whole Divine Intervention Thing. You Know Jesus Had Something To Do With Them Winning.

Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used.

I Have Good Kids, I Love My Kids. I Try To Bring Them Up The Right Way, Not Spanking Them. I Find That I Don't Have To Spank Them. I Find That Waving The Gun Around Pretty Much Gets The Same Job Done!

I Don't Really Have A Lot Of Fun Playing Just Straight Good Guys. It's Not My Thing. It's Like Tom Hanks Territory.

How Many Whales Do We Really Need? I Figure Five. One For Each Ocean.

Wolfhounds Helped Kill Off The Wolves In Ireland.

Usually When You Watch A Film, You're Just Sort Of Biting Your Nails About Things You Could Have Done Differently.

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

Crisis Doesn't Create Character; It Reveals It.

My Goal Is To Leave This Planet With The Biggest Carbon Footprint I Can Possibly Leave.

Carbon Footprint

Why Hate Someone For The Color Of Their Skin When There Are Much Better Reasons To Hate Them?

No Woman Can Be Completely Happy At Any One Moment In Time. They're Always Anticipating The Next Thing To Argue Or Complain About.

I'm No Day At The Beach. And If It Is A Beach, It's Hampton Beach. Ever Been There? It's Not Nice.

The Best Thing About Series Tv Is That Everyone You Work With Is Hand-picked, As Compared To Working On A Film.

I'm One Of The People That When I Wake Up I Have To Do What I Do. It's Not Like I Want To Do It. I Kind Of Have To Do It.

I'm Gonna Get One Of Those Tracheotomies, So I Can Smoke Two Cigarettes At The Same Time! I'm Gonna Get Nine Tracheotomies, All Around My Neck, I'll Be Tracheotomy Man! He Can Smoke A Pack At A Time, He's Tracheotomy Man!

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

I Think All Priests Should Be Married.

I Was Working With Peter Tolan, Who Was My Writing Partner On Those Two [rescue Me And The Job], And He Did The Larry Sanders Show With Garry Shandling, And He Always Said That The Second Season Is Better Because You Know The Actors.

I Love Santa Monica And Venice Because I Like The Beach. I Have A Lot Of Friends In That Area.

Lots Of Friends

Loud, Stupid And Overeating Will Suffice As Long As We Also Have The Funny, The Fierce And The Intellectual

My Only Worry About Tweeting And Modern Technology Is How It Has Crept Into Even The Darkest Corners Of The Absolute Global Village We Live In.

I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

I Just Think It's Difficult For Them To See The Forest For The Trees Right Now, Which I Can't Blame Them For, Given The Circumstances They Found Themselves In.

I Have A Lot Of Conservative Views On A Lot Of Things.

I Do Have To Say That I Think That President Obama Is The Greatest President In The History Of All Of Our Presidents, And That He Can Do No Wrong In My Book. So How's That For Prejudice On The Democratic Side?

Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

If You're Over 52 Years Old And You're On Facebook, Do Us All A Favor And Log Off Now.

Everyone Should Have An Evil Secret Plan.

Marriage Is Like A Dull Meal With The Dessert At The Beginning.

I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

My Brother And I Tortured My Mother Growing Up.

My Father Left Ireland Because He Did Not Want To Muck Horse Manure For The Rest Of His Life, And He Wanted To Come To New York.

I Eat Meat Because Meat Tastes Like Murder, And Murder Tastes Pretty Dam Good!

You Try To - You Want To Fly On Both Sides Of The Political Fence Because That's Where The - Where The Comedy Is.

If You Want A Long-term Relationship That Doesn't Require A Lot Of Work, I Say, Get A Dog. They Love You No Matter What. But When It Comes To Humans, There's No Secret; You Really Have To Appreciate The Person Every Single Day.

I've Always Had A Thing For Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer Or Halle Berry In Tight Leather Pants, With The Boots - I'm Pretty Good With Either One.

You Just Can't Win. Men Have Very Recent Land Mines In Their Heads. Women Have Recorded Conversations And Photographs In Their Heads From 15 Years Ago.

Once People Start To Think They've Wasted Parts Of Their Life, Or They're Wasting Their Life As They Speak, That Means There's Going To Be Great Dramatic And Comedic Tension.

People Are Disappointed That You Aren't Exactly Who They Thought You Were, As Opposed To Somebody Who's Just Walking Around Trying To Get Some Laundry Done.

We Drink And We Die And Continue To Drink.

Dustin Hoffman Said This One Time, That If He Hadn't Made It As A Film Star, He Would Still Be Happy As A Character Actor Because He Was A Character Actor Because Of His Face From Day One, So He Would Always Work In The Theater.

I'm Born And Raised In The Northeast. My Parents Are Irish Immigrants. So Our Tendency Is To Shy Away From The Big Yellow Ball That Comes Up In The Sky Every Once In A While.

Doing The Same Character Over And Over, It Gets Boring.

I Needed Someone Really Intense, But Also Somebody With A Lot Of Theatrical Credibility.

Every Actor Thinks He Can Do Comedy, And It's Not True.

I Wanted To Get More Serialized. I Had This Idea For An Event That Would Click Onto Everybody's Mortality. I Said, "i Want Somebody To Die." Fortunately For Me, When I Was Toying With That Idea, John Landgraf, Who's The Head Of Fx But Also A Very Smart Executive, Came Up With The Idea Of The Ashes In The Maracas. He Called Me Up And Said, "listen, What About This, They Get The Ashes In A Box And When They Get Them, They Shake Them And They Sound Like Maracas." And I Was Like, "okay, Now I've Got My Throughline."

On A Movie, You Have A Great Time, And You're Really Enjoying The Work, And Then Everybody Is Done And Goes Their Separate Ways, And You Maybe Never Get To Work With Those People Again.

I'm The Enemy. Because I Like To Think, I Like To Read. I'm Into Freedom Of Speech, The Freedom Of Choice. I'm The Kind Of Guy Who Likes To Sit In A Greasy Spoon And Wonder - "gee, Should I Have The T-bone Steak Or The Jumbo Rack Of Bbq Ribs With The Side Order Of Gravy Fries?" I Want High Cholesterol. I Wanna Eat Bacon And Butter And Buskets Of Cheese, Okay? I Wanna Smoke A Cuban Cigar The Size Of Cincinnati In The Non-smoking Section. I Wanna Run Through The Streets Naked With Green Jell-o All Over My Body Reading Playboy Magazine. Why? Because I Suddenly Might Feel The Need To, Okay, Pal?

I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This Much.

He [ Campbell Scott ] Is Also A Really Funny Guy Which Not A Lot Of People Know.

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