Background Image

...

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

-Denis Leary

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

My Nieces And My

Denis Leary

...

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

Views: 6

Topic

More From Denis Leary

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

White Men Have Screwed This Country Up! I Would Like A Black, Female…. Everything All Rolled Into One.i Want Something Different. I Want A Real Change. People, I Want A President Who Speaks Well, Who Has A Sense Of Humor. This Guy Is Such A Moron! It's Beyond The Point Where It's A Joke. He's An Idiot.

When I Clicked Into This Idea Of Doing A Band And Examining A Band As A Dysfunctional Family, I Wanted To Reverse That Rescue Me Formula.

Dysfunctional Family

Loud, Stupid And Overeating Will Suffice As Long As We Also Have The Funny, The Fierce And The Intellectual

At Some Level, You've Got To Have The Ability To - Especially In Film And In Front Of The Camera, You Got To Have The Ability To Drop Into Character And Close Off The Entire Crew And The Camera And Everything Else.

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

The Things That Make Me Angry Still Make Me Angry. George Carlin Is 67, And He's Still As Funny As He's Ever Been, And He's Still Angry. And That Makes Me Feel Good, Because I Feel Like If I Stick Around Long Enough, I'll Still Be Able To Work.

Julieanne Smolinksi Has A History In Rock Journalism And She's A Huge Rock 'n' Roll Fan, And She Was A Huge Fan Of Ava (elaine Hendrix) And Gigi (elizabeth Gillies) And Of The Actresses. I Was Really Lucky To Get Her, In Between Seasons On Grace And Frankie.

We Live In A Country Where John Lennon Takes Eight Bullets, Yoko Ono Is Walking Right Beside Him And Not One Hits Her. Explain That To Me!

For Us As Writers, It's Really Important To Have Songs We Believe In - Even Before Sometimes We Shoot A Scene. If We Have A Song That's So Perfectly Designed For A Scene On 'rescue Me,' We'll Play It On Loud Speakers During The Shooting. It Helps The Cameraman And It Helps The Director, And It Helps The Actors Know What The Feel Is.

"yeah, Well, If You Eat Red Meat, It Stays In Your Colon For Fifteen Years!" Good! I Paid For It; I Want It In My Ass, Okay? I Want Them To Find A Meat Sweater From My Esophagus To My Asshole When They Open Me Up In The End! "this Guy's Covered In Meat! He's Meat-man! He's Meat-tracheotomy-man!"

I'd Love To Do Another Television Series. I Really Love The Writing Process, And As An Actor I Really Like How Much You Get To Examine In Television.

I Love Santa Monica And Venice Because I Like The Beach. I Have A Lot Of Friends In That Area.

Lots Of Friends

I Actually Like Talking.

I Eat Meat Because Meat Tastes Like Murder, And Murder Tastes Pretty Dam Good!

I'm A Lapsed Catholic In The Best Sense Of The Word.

When I'm On Stage, That's Me. It's Blown Up, But That's Me.

There's Not Going To Be A 'rescue Me' Movie. Not A Chance.

Having Dealt With A Lot Of Real Firefighters, I Know There Are A Lot Of Guys Who, For Lack Of A Better Term, Become Addicted To The Grief Because It Has Kept Them Connected To These Guys That They Felt Responsible For Having Lost.

There's No Male Oprah.

I Want You To Take Away The Hope Because That's The Thing That's Killing Me.

I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

I Don't Really Have A Lot Of Fun Playing Just Straight Good Guys. It's Not My Thing. It's Like Tom Hanks Territory.

I Really Like 'batman.' Not The Tv Show, But The Dark 'batman.'

I'm Not Really A Spider-man Fan. I'm More Of A Batman Guy.

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It.

Science Fiction

I'm The Enemy. Because I Like To Think, I Like To Read. I'm Into Freedom Of Speech, The Freedom Of Choice. I'm The Kind Of Guy Who Likes To Sit In A Greasy Spoon And Wonder - "gee, Should I Have The T-bone Steak Or The Jumbo Rack Of Bbq Ribs With The Side Order Of Gravy Fries?" I Want High Cholesterol. I Wanna Eat Bacon And Butter And Buskets Of Cheese, Okay? I Wanna Smoke A Cuban Cigar The Size Of Cincinnati In The Non-smoking Section. I Wanna Run Through The Streets Naked With Green Jell-o All Over My Body Reading Playboy Magazine. Why? Because I Suddenly Might Feel The Need To, Okay, Pal?

I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

I Don't Watch 'american Idol.' I Don't Watch Any Of That Stuff.

I'm In My Truck Talking To Jesus. And You Can See A World Series Ring On My Right Pinkie Finger. But When I Take My Sunglasses Off A Second Later, It's Gone. It's The Whole Divine Intervention Thing. You Know Jesus Had Something To Do With Them Winning.

We Drink And We Die And Continue To Drink.

I Wanted To Be A Hockey Player. Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used. I Was Terrible In School And Actually Said, 'i'm Going To Be A Hockey Player.'

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

I'm Pretty Much A Chocolate Guy. I'm Up For Any Type Of Chocolate. Any Chocolate.

Campbell [scott] Also Directed Me In A Film With Hope Davis Called Final. That Was The First Thing We Did Together, But I've Known Him For Years.

Here's The Problem With Easter. The Catholic Church Needs To Pick A Date Because It Keeps Moving. And I Think The Reason They Always Have Easter Moving To Different Dates Is To Catch Us.

Life Sucks,get A Helmet

There We Were In The Middle Of A Sexual Revolution Wearing Clothes That Guaranteed We Wouldn't Get Laid.

My Only Worry About Tweeting And Modern Technology Is How It Has Crept Into Even The Darkest Corners Of The Absolute Global Village We Live In.

All Men Hear Is Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Sex, Blah, Blah, Blah, Food, Blah, Blah, Blah, Beer.

Coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup. That's All It Needs! Maybe A Saucer Underneath The Cup — That's It.

Ann Romney Talking About Middle Class Moms Is Like Chris Christie Talking About A Salad

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

I Love To Smoke. I Love To Eat Red Meat. I'll Only Eat Red Meat That Comes From Cows Who Smoke, Ok!? Special Cows They Grow In Virginia With Voice Boxes In Their Necks. "moo"

There's A Method Aspect To Campbell Scott Character And He Really Wants To Get Into His Character And He Wants To Cast To Go On A Fast So That By The Time The Play Opens Nobody's Eaten In Three Days Because He Wants The Audience To Feel The Pain From The Stage.

When I First Got Famous, Greg Dulli Was Also Just Starting To Cook With The Afghan Whigs, And Because Of The Mtv Awards I Met Dave Grohl And Nirvana And All These Rock And Roll Bands. So I Had Experience With What It Was Like When People Were Taking Off At That Time.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Bigger And Better

I Was Reading An Interview With Keith Richards In A Magazine And In The Interview Keith Richards Intimated That Kids Should Not Do Drugs. Keith Richards! Says That Kids Should Not Do Drugs! Keith, We Can't Do Any More Drugs Because You Already F-king Did Them All, Alright? There's None Left! We Have To Wait 'til You Die And Smoke Your Ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk About The Pot And The F-kin' Kettle.

I Did 12 Years With Nuns, You Know. So I Came Out Of It Going, Like, 'i Think Jesus Is All Right.' The Rest Of It I Think Stinks To The High Heavens.

Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet, And I've Got A Million In Mine, Believe Me. I Tested The Envelope; I Pushed It. Whenever Somebody In Authority Told Me Not To Do Something, I Did It Just To Find Out Why They Said Not To Do It.

The Thing With Movies Is, Because You Have So Little Time, I Always Feel Like There Are More Things We Could've Done With The Character. If We'd Done A Sequel To 'the Thomas Crown Affair,' What Would That Have Been Like? But For The Most Part, You Try Not To Think Of That, Because It's Just Going To Break Your Heart.

There Is A Huge Boom In Autism Right Now Because Inattentive Mothers And Competitive Dads Want An Explanation For Why Their Dumb-ass Kids Can't Compete Academically, So They Throw Money Into The Happy Laps Of Shrinks . . . To Get Back Diagnoses That Help Explain Away The Deficiencies Of Their Junior Morons. I Don't Give A [bleep] What These Crackerjack Whack Jobs Tell You - Yer Kid Is Not Autistic. He's Just Stupid. Or Lazy. Or Both.

Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This Much.

Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used.

There's No Way Around It, Drama Is Very Difficult To Shoot. It's Very Heavy And Something That You Carry With You For The Course Of The Day.

If You Want A Long-term Relationship That Doesn't Require A Lot Of Work, I Say, Get A Dog. They Love You No Matter What. But When It Comes To Humans, There's No Secret; You Really Have To Appreciate The Person Every Single Day.

I Fell Asleep During 'year One' Twice. And My Son, Who Never Falls Asleep During A Jack Black Movie, Also Nodded Off. That's How Bad It Was. I Was Incredibly Disappointed.

I Spent A Long Time Working In The Movies To Figure Out That Kind Of Acting And Also How To Write And Produce For The Screen.

There Are About A Thousand Different Variations On A Horse Neigh. Some Of Them Sound Like A Horse Having Sex, Some Of Them Like A Horse Having Sad Sex.

Sometimes I Park In Handicap Spaces While Handicapped People Make Handicapped Faces.

Most Movies Suck, Even The Independent Ones. Hollywood Is Like Baseball: Hit Three Good Ones Out Of 10 And You're A Hall Of Famer.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

Vacuuming Is Great. I Do The Laundry. I Love Washing Machines. I'm The Maid In My House.

The Key Thing Is To Get That One Splash - That One Song Or That One Video For A Song - That Catches People's Eyes. Because It's All Digital Content Now.

Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

What's Politically Correct A Lot Of Times Is Not Funny.

Politically Correct

The Second Season Is Generally Easier Do Because You Know The Actors Better And They Know The Characters Better And If Everybody Likes Each Other You Can Really Go All Types Of Places.

Anthony Mackie In 'the Hurt Locker' Is Everything An Actor Can Hope To Be. So Rock Steady In His Portrayal That You Immediately Forget Every Performance He May Have Previously Given, And Focus Only On The Character In Front Of You.

Everything You Look At Now, The Scripts That Come In That You Look At, The Television Scripts Are Way Better Than The Movie Script. The Talent Is Going To Television.

You Can Have Good Writing, But A Great Actor Will Make It Feel And Sound Like Great Writing. You Can Have Great Writing, And Mediocre Actors Will Make It Feel Mediocre. Without The Actors, You Have Nothing.

I Really Want To Do A Western Film. It's One Of My Favorite Movie Genres Of All Time.

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid. But, Yeah, It's Not Identifying, I Think It's More A Part Of My Natural Dna That I Question Anybody Who Has A Plan. Everybody's Got To Have An Angle; That's The Way I Grew Up.

I Like Jesus, I Mean, I Think He Was A Good Guy.

The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

If You're Over 52 Years Old And You're On Facebook, Do Us All A Favor And Log Off Now.

I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

Kathy Bates Is Sexy. It's Partly Because Of Her Talent, But She's Got A Great Face, And A Great Laugh.

I Do Have To Say That I Think That President Obama Is The Greatest President In The History Of All Of Our Presidents, And That He Can Do No Wrong In My Book. So How's That For Prejudice On The Democratic Side?

You Just Can't Win. Men Have Very Recent Land Mines In Their Heads. Women Have Recorded Conversations And Photographs In Their Heads From 15 Years Ago.

I'm No Prophet And I'm No Genius, But I Can Only Tell You What I Seem To Know. As A Fan Of Television And The Movies, I Think It's All For The Better.

We Didn't Have Rehab Back In The Seventies. Back In The Seventies, Rehab Meant You Stopped Doing Coke, But You Kept Smoking Pot And Drinking For A Couple More Weeks.

When I Was A Teenager, You Couldn't Get Straight Pants. Then In '76, When Punk Started To Hit, It Was A Revelation That You Could Find Straight Pants Again.

I Was Working With Peter Tolan, Who Was My Writing Partner On Those Two [rescue Me And The Job], And He Did The Larry Sanders Show With Garry Shandling, And He Always Said That The Second Season Is Better Because You Know The Actors.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

My Wife And I Were Poor When I Started But We Struggled Along Until Things Happened For Me In My Thirties. I Knew I Was Doing What I Loved Even If I Wasn't Getting Paid For It, So I Think I'd Still Be Doing It.

I Have A Lot Of Conservative Views On A Lot Of Things.

My Goal Is To Leave This Planet With The Biggest Carbon Footprint I Can Possibly Leave.

Carbon Footprint

There's Nothing Wrong With An Actor That Can't Improvise, But If You're Going To Improvise, You Gotta Make Sure You Got People That Can Play The Game.

If You See Me Doing A New Stand-up Special, It Probably Means I've Been Out Of Work For A While.

You Get To A Certain Point, Especially If You're A Comedian, Where People Think Certain Things. It's Like, I Don't Take The Time To Explain It To People, It's Just Part Of What I Do.

What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid.

Liz [gillies] Doesn't Really Listen To Anything New, Besides Adele, Ariana Grande, And Stuff Like That. She Loves '70s Music And Old '60s Songs. She Loves Songwriters From The '70s That I Hate, Like Jim Croce And James Taylor, And She Loves Stevie Nicks And Old Jazz Classics.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

I'm Still Pretty Self-centered, Greedy And Angry.

I Wasn't The Best Student. I Wasn't Stupid, But I Wasn't Paying A Lot Of Attention.

Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

I'm Not Saying Being A Comedian Is Brain Surgery, But It Is Definitely - It's Like Being A Carpenter. You Learn How To Make Tables And Chairs. You Have To Have The Right Tools, And You Have To Know How To Put The Thing Together, Right?

Tables And Chairs

I've Always Had A Thing For Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer Or Halle Berry In Tight Leather Pants, With The Boots - I'm Pretty Good With Either One.

I'm Born And Raised In The Northeast. My Parents Are Irish Immigrants. So Our Tendency Is To Shy Away From The Big Yellow Ball That Comes Up In The Sky Every Once In A While.

Racism Isn't Born, Folks, It's Taught. I Have A Two-year-old Son. You Know What He Hates? Naps! End Of List.

If The World Somehow Actually Ends Tomorrow, Let All Forget About The Mayans And Just Agree It`s The Nhl`s Fault

It's Hard To Have A Film And Television Career And Do Music Work At The Same Time.

Film And Television

I Think We're Going To Carry The 'ice Age's Up To 'ice Age 15,' Which Means Basically They'll Be In The Present Decade.

There Are Some Guys I Know For A Fact, Like Louis C.k., Who Always Talk About How Not-great Of An Actor He Is, And He's Terrific On His Show. But I Know Louis Would Play A Fantastic Dramatic Role In Something, Too. He Just Needs Somebody To Grab Him And Say, "come In Here And Do This."

One Of Those Things That I Like About Tv Is That If You Get A Group Of People You Like, You Can Work With These People For Months At A Time, And You Can Discover Their Strengths And Weaknesses, And You Can Use Those In The Direction Where You Take The Characters.

I Take Music Pretty Seriously. You See That Scar On My Wrist? You See That? You Know Where That's From? I Heard The Bee Gees Were Getting Back Together Again. I Couldn't Take It, Ok!

It Became Sort Of A Snowball Effect, With Guys Trying To Deal In Their Own Way With 9/11, Whether It Was Drinking Or Whatever.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

The Filter's The Best Part. That's Where They Put The Heroin.

I'm One Of The People That When I Wake Up I Have To Do What I Do. It's Not Like I Want To Do It. I Kind Of Have To Do It.

My Cousin Jerry Lucey And Five Other Firefighters Died In A Warehouse Fire In Worcester, Mass. - My Hometown - Right In The Middle Of Our Old Neighborhood Downtown When A Homeless Couple Started A Fire To Keep Warm And The Entire Building Went Up. My Cousin Died Trying To Save Homeless People Who Had Already Left The Building.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

Let Me Tell You Something: I Love The Yankees. And Let Me Tell You Why: Because Without The Yankees, There Is Nobody To Hate.

I Have Good Kids, I Love My Kids. I Try To Bring Them Up The Right Way, Not Spanking Them. I Find That I Don't Have To Spank Them. I Find That Waving The Gun Around Pretty Much Gets The Same Job Done!

I'm Sick And Tired Of Our Generation Being Called The Tv Generation. What Do You Expect? We Watched Lee Harvey Oswald Get His Brains Blown Out All Over. How Could We Change The Channel After That?

Why Hate Someone For The Color Of Their Skin When There Are Much Better Reasons To Hate Them?

The Social Wishlist On Facebook Is A Great Example Of Everything Right About Social Media.

Anybody Who's Done Standup Will Tell You That There's Nothing Like It. The Show Starts At 8:00, The Curtain Goes Up And There's Nobody Else Except You And The Audience, And You Just Perform For Them For Two Hours. Nobody Yells, 'cut!' There Are No Retakes. That Is Still The Most Exciting Medium For Me, And I Love It.

I Can't Text. My Fingers Are Too Big.

I Basically - I Don't Like Tattoos, Unless You're A Firefighter Who Has A Tattoo That Has To Do With That Or A Military Guy. That's - Those Are People Who Should Have Tattoos.

My Primary Reason For Bringing My Son On Was To Have A Voice On The Show [sex&drugs&rock&roll] That Would Bring A 25 Or 26 Year Old Point Of View To It, And My Son Is Very Capable Of Writing That Stuff.

What I've Learned Is That Life Is Too Short And Movies Are Too Long.

Life Is Too Short

Yeah, I Love Living In New York, Man, And People Who Live In New York, We Wear That Fact Like A Badge Right On Our Sleeve Because We Know That Fact Impresses Everybody! I Was In Vietnam. So What? I Live In New York!

I Really, Really Like 'eastbound & Down.' It's One Of The Few Things That Makes Me Laugh.

Marriage Is Like A Dull Meal With The Dessert At The Beginning.

One Of The Things I Always Believed In Was My Dad Came To America And He Was A Very Talented Musician, But He Couldn't Make A Living That Way So He Had To Support His Family As An Auto Mechanic Which He Also Loved Doing. He Was Also Such A Great Dad Because When I First Told Him I Thought I Wanted To Go Into Show Business, His Response Was Okay, That's Interesting.

When You Write About Real Life, There's Always A Chance That Somebody Involved Is Going To See It And Get Upset.

Every Actor Thinks He Can Do Comedy, And It's Not True.

I'm No Day At The Beach. And If It Is A Beach, It's Hampton Beach. Ever Been There? It's Not Nice.

The Best Comedy Audiences In The Country And This Is Tried And True, I'm Not Just Saying It, In My Opinion Are Boston, Atlanta, And Chicago.

When I Go To Batman Movies, I Always Think, 'man, I Would Like To Be A Bad Guy In A Batman Movie.' Especially As They Got Darker When They Go To The Christian Bale Era.

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

Charlotte Rampling, When She Was Younger, Looked Exactly Like My Wife. That's One Of The Reasons That When I First Saw My Wife, My Knees Buckled. Based On Her Looks Alone, She Was Already In My Kitchen Making Eggs.

Jerry Lewis Has Been Married Twenty Times. He Gets Married On A Tuesday, They Find His Wife Dead In A Swimming Pool On Thursday. Maybe If You Married Someone Who's Old Enough To Swim Next Time, Ok Jerry?

You Can't Teach Somebody How To Be Funny. You're Either Funny, Or You Ain't.

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

Happy Easter Everyone! Jesus Dies, Comes Back From The Dead - And We Get Chocolate Eggs. It's Like Turn-down Service From God.

The Best Thing About Series Tv Is That Everyone You Work With Is Hand-picked, As Compared To Working On A Film.

Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

My Father Left Ireland Because He Did Not Want To Muck Horse Manure For The Rest Of His Life, And He Wanted To Come To New York.

I've Only Done Two Other Tv Shows [instead Of Sex&drugs&rock&roll], One Was Rescue Me And The Other Was A Show Called The Job, Which Was At Abc And Only On For Two Seasons.

On A Movie, You Have A Great Time, And You're Really Enjoying The Work, And Then Everybody Is Done And Goes Their Separate Ways, And You Maybe Never Get To Work With Those People Again.

My Career Plan At This Point Is 'ice Age 5' Through '10,' And Even '12,' And 'spider Man' - You Know, Basically I'd Be Emma Stone's Dad For The Rest Of My Career. I Really Don't Have Any Problem Doing That.

All Knowledge Is Ultimately Rooted In Metaphorical (or Analogical) Modes Of Perception And Thought.

I Studied Acting In School And Then Of Course Couldn't Get An Acting Job.

Everyone Should Have An Evil Secret Plan.

Once You Have A Firefighter In Your Family, Your Family And The Families From His Crew Become One Big Extended Family.

I'm Gonna Get One Of Those Tracheotomies, So I Can Smoke Two Cigarettes At The Same Time! I'm Gonna Get Nine Tracheotomies, All Around My Neck, I'll Be Tracheotomy Man! He Can Smoke A Pack At A Time, He's Tracheotomy Man!

Jon Stewart Is Exactly The Same Guy He's Always Been, Only With Money. He Knows That The Moment He Really Believes He's Important, The Funny Goes Away And He Becomes Bill O'reilly, Except Shorter And Jewish.

Don't Buy The Toys That Make The Noise!

It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

Guarantees That

The Only Difference Between Kids And Jungle Animals Is Pants. Kids Wear Them. Jungle Animals Don't.

I Learned A Long Time Ago, If You Want To Keep Your Friends In Show Business, Don't Get Famous. Because As Soon As You Get Famous, A Lot Of The People You Used To Know, Who Didn't, Become Incredibly Bitter And Jealous. It's Part Of The Territory.

I'm The Lord Of The Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, It's Me!

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

No Matter What Anybody Says, Relationships Are Based On Physical Attraction. The First Time I Saw My Wife, It Was Pure Animal Whatever.

I Bought My Daughter A Chihuahua And I Fell In Love With It. So Now I Carry Coco Around With Me All The Time.

Dustin Hoffman Said This One Time, That If He Hadn't Made It As A Film Star, He Would Still Be Happy As A Character Actor Because He Was A Character Actor Because Of His Face From Day One, So He Would Always Work In The Theater.

If You Do Good Work, It Tends To Stick Around. People Still Come Up To Me And Say, "'the Ref' Is My Favorite Christmas Movie."

Certain Movies Like 'wag The Dog,' We Used Improv On Every Scene That We Did. Pretty Much, We Would Shoot From The Script And Then Some Stuff That We Came Up With In Rehearsal, And Then We'd Have At Least One Or Two Takes Where We Completely Went Off The Script And Just Flew By The Seat Of Our Pants.

In My Experience In Series Tv If You Have A Good Crew And A Great Cast It's Going To Be A Great Group - Similar To The Theater Where It's A Bunch Of People Who Are Really Talented And Go To Work Each Day And Challenge Each Other And If You Are Lucky Enough To Get A Hit Then It's Five Or Six Or Seven Years Of This Kind Of Work.

Once People Start To Think They've Wasted Parts Of Their Life, Or They're Wasting Their Life As They Speak, That Means There's Going To Be Great Dramatic And Comedic Tension.

Worrying About Tomorrow Is The Best Way To Screw Up Today.

I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

In Addition To My Cousin, There Were 30 Or 40 Guys I Grew Up With Who Became Firefighters As Well. So, I've Been Around Firefighters All My Life.

I Tried Eating Vegetarian. I Felt Like A Wimp Going Into A Restaurant. "what Do You Want To Eat Sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's A Side Dish, Folks. Always Was, Always Will Be, Ok! When They Ask Me What I Want, I Say: What Do You Think I Want? This Is America. I Want A Bowl Of Raw Red Meat Right Now.

I Wanted To Get More Serialized. I Had This Idea For An Event That Would Click Onto Everybody's Mortality. I Said, "i Want Somebody To Die." Fortunately For Me, When I Was Toying With That Idea, John Landgraf, Who's The Head Of Fx But Also A Very Smart Executive, Came Up With The Idea Of The Ashes In The Maracas. He Called Me Up And Said, "listen, What About This, They Get The Ashes In A Box And When They Get Them, They Shake Them And They Sound Like Maracas." And I Was Like, "okay, Now I've Got My Throughline."

I Went To See The 'spider-man' Movies Because My Wife Is A Fan, And So Are My Kids.

I Would Never Do Crack... I Would Never Do A Drug Named After A Part Of My Own Ass, Okay?

First Of All, I Have To Have Trucks Because I Live Most Of My Time On A Horse Farm, So I've Gotta Have Trucks. It's In The Northeast; I've Got To Have Pickup Trucks To Move Snow, Number One. Number Two, Just If I'm Driving, I Don't Have To Have An Suv, But I Want A Big Car.

It's Human Nature For People To Expect People To Be What They See On The Screen.

When I Become President, All You Assholes That Ride Bikes In The City? Lock And Load! You're Going Down!

I Think All Priests Should Be Married.

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

I Don't Want To See A 'sopranos' Movie. This Is Just Me. I Like To Think The End Is Where It Was On Tv As Opposed To Becoming A Movie.

That's Why I'm Glad Jesus Died When He Did. Because If He Lived To Be 40, He Would Have Ended Up Like Elvis. He Was Famous Already At That Point. If He Lived To Be 40, He'd Be Walking Around Jerusalem With A Big Fat Beer Gut And Black Side Burns Going, Damn, I'm The Son Of God. Give Me A Cheeseburger And French Fries Right Now.

Most People Don't Know How Underpaid And Often Ill-equipped Urban Fire Departments Are Across North America.

People Saying, 'life Didn't Turn Out The Way I Wanted It To.' Welcome To The Club. I Wanted To Be The Starting Center-fielder For The Boston Red Sox, For Chrissakes!

When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

I Don't Want A President Like Me! I Suck, Okay. I Want An Elitist, Smart Guy.

I've Been Nominated For Emmys And Golden Globes, But I've Never Won One And I Probably Never Will.

People Are Disappointed That You Aren't Exactly Who They Thought You Were, As Opposed To Somebody Who's Just Walking Around Trying To Get Some Laundry Done.

I Had A Relationship With An Italian Chick That Was Built On Just Fighting And Sex. As Much As All Women Won't Let Go Of Stuff, Italian Girls Won't Let Go Of Anything. And She Punched Really Hard. I Got Tired Of The Arguing It Took To Get To The Sex.

I'm Really Good At Laundry, And I Have No Problem Cleaning The Kitchen.

How Many Whales Do We Really Need? I Figure Five. One For Each Ocean.

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

I Certainly Know Guys In Comedy, I Know Some Actors, And I Definitely Know Some Musicians, Who Have Survived To A Certain Age And Make A Good Living Doing What They Do, But Nobody Knows Who They Are. They Wake Up Every Day And They Have The Ability To Get Paid Practicing Their Art, But Underneath It All, If You Scratched The Surface, You Still Get, "if I Only Had My Own Show . . .," Or "if I Only Had My Own Band . . ." It's What People Always Do When They Want To Be Their Own Star.

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

I Went To School With Steven Wright Who Was The Shyest Guy I Knew, And One Day Someone Suddenly Told Me That He Was In A Club Doing Standup Comedy. I Went Down To His Club And He Was Great. Another Friend Of Mine, Who Was Pretty Much A Thief By Trade, Was Hosting The Show. So I Thought If These Guys Can Do It Then So Can I.

My Biggest Regret In Life Is That I Didn't Hit John Denver In The Mouth While I Has The Chance.

Firefighters Are Some Of The Most Selfless Public Servants You Will Ever Encounter.

I Just Think It's Difficult For Them To See The Forest For The Trees Right Now, Which I Can't Blame Them For, Given The Circumstances They Found Themselves In.

Crisis Doesn't Create Character; It Reveals It.

Trending Author

Alberto Giacometti

Category