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Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

-Denis Leary

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Most People Think, "life

Denis Leary

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Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

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I Try And Shoot As Often As I Can, I Cross Shoot. I Have At Least Two Cameras Rolling At The Same Time. So I'll Have Two Actors Or Two Sets Of Actors At A Time So Everybody's Basically On Camera. So When They Improvise We Have Everybody's Coverage. And You Can Then Go In The Editing Room And Find The Energy Still Stays There.

It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

Guarantees That

I Wanted A More Female Point Of View.

When I Go To Batman Movies, I Always Think, 'man, I Would Like To Be A Bad Guy In A Batman Movie.' Especially As They Got Darker When They Go To The Christian Bale Era.

Worrying About Tomorrow Is The Best Way To Screw Up Today.

Don't Buy The Toys That Make The Noise!

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

Jerry Lewis Has Been Married Twenty Times. He Gets Married On A Tuesday, They Find His Wife Dead In A Swimming Pool On Thursday. Maybe If You Married Someone Who's Old Enough To Swim Next Time, Ok Jerry?

One Of The Things I Always Believed In Was My Dad Came To America And He Was A Very Talented Musician, But He Couldn't Make A Living That Way So He Had To Support His Family As An Auto Mechanic Which He Also Loved Doing. He Was Also Such A Great Dad Because When I First Told Him I Thought I Wanted To Go Into Show Business, His Response Was Okay, That's Interesting.

I Have A Lot Of Conservative Views On A Lot Of Things.

I'm Praying For 'ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 And 10. Because I Really Think We Can Run Those Characters Into The '60s, And I'm Talking The 1960s, You Know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's What I'm Praying For, Because Then I Wouldn't Have To Do Anything Else.

The Best Thing About Series Tv Is That Everyone You Work With Is Hand-picked, As Compared To Working On A Film.

Once You Have A Firefighter In Your Family, Your Family And The Families From His Crew Become One Big Extended Family.

Stand-up Comedy And Comedy In General Is The Ultimate Form Of Free Speech, Because You Get To Poke Holes In All The Pretentious Bubbles Politicians And Pundits And Popes And Pretenders Try To Float Over Our Heads.

I Really, Really Like 'eastbound & Down.' It's One Of The Few Things That Makes Me Laugh.

I Had A Relationship With An Italian Chick That Was Built On Just Fighting And Sex. As Much As All Women Won't Let Go Of Stuff, Italian Girls Won't Let Go Of Anything. And She Punched Really Hard. I Got Tired Of The Arguing It Took To Get To The Sex.

I Needed Someone Really Intense, But Also Somebody With A Lot Of Theatrical Credibility.

On A Movie, You Have A Great Time, And You're Really Enjoying The Work, And Then Everybody Is Done And Goes Their Separate Ways, And You Maybe Never Get To Work With Those People Again.

I've Been Nominated For Emmys And Golden Globes, But I've Never Won One And I Probably Never Will.

I'm A Lapsed Catholic In The Best Sense Of The Word.

The Thing With Movies Is, Because You Have So Little Time, I Always Feel Like There Are More Things We Could've Done With The Character. If We'd Done A Sequel To 'the Thomas Crown Affair,' What Would That Have Been Like? But For The Most Part, You Try Not To Think Of That, Because It's Just Going To Break Your Heart.

Most Movies Suck, Even The Independent Ones. Hollywood Is Like Baseball: Hit Three Good Ones Out Of 10 And You're A Hall Of Famer.

I've Only Done Two Other Tv Shows [instead Of Sex&drugs&rock&roll], One Was Rescue Me And The Other Was A Show Called The Job, Which Was At Abc And Only On For Two Seasons.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

I'm No Prophet And I'm No Genius, But I Can Only Tell You What I Seem To Know. As A Fan Of Television And The Movies, I Think It's All For The Better.

I Wanted To Be A Hockey Player. Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used. I Was Terrible In School And Actually Said, 'i'm Going To Be A Hockey Player.'

I Wasn't The Best Student. I Wasn't Stupid, But I Wasn't Paying A Lot Of Attention.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

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I Like To Give The Actors Freedom To Take What We Have On The Page And Improve On It. And They Do That Quite A Bit.

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

Is It Possible To Get A Cup Of Coffee-flavored Coffee Anymore In This Country? What Happened With Coffee? Did I Miss A Meeting? They Have Every Other Flavor But Coffee-flavored Coffee. They Have Mochaccino, Frappaccino, Cappuccino, Al Pacino...coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup.

My Wife And I Were Poor When I Started But We Struggled Along Until Things Happened For Me In My Thirties. I Knew I Was Doing What I Loved Even If I Wasn't Getting Paid For It, So I Think I'd Still Be Doing It.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

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This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

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There's No Male Oprah.

Good Actors, Especially When They Know Their Character, Will Come In And Either Tell You In Advance That They Have An Idea, Or In The Middle Of The Rehearsal Or The Scene They'll Let It Loose And You Go, "ah That's Great."

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Why Hate Someone For The Color Of Their Skin When There Are Much Better Reasons To Hate Them?

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The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

I Basically - I Don't Like Tattoos, Unless You're A Firefighter Who Has A Tattoo That Has To Do With That Or A Military Guy. That's - Those Are People Who Should Have Tattoos.

I Just Think It's Difficult For Them To See The Forest For The Trees Right Now, Which I Can't Blame Them For, Given The Circumstances They Found Themselves In.

The Best Pitch I Ever Heard About Cocaine Was Back In The Early Eighties When A Street Dealer Followed Me Down The Sidewalk Going: I Got Some Great Blow Man. I Got The Stuff That Killed Belushi.

If The World Somehow Actually Ends Tomorrow, Let All Forget About The Mayans And Just Agree It`s The Nhl`s Fault

Anthony Mackie In 'the Hurt Locker' Is Everything An Actor Can Hope To Be. So Rock Steady In His Portrayal That You Immediately Forget Every Performance He May Have Previously Given, And Focus Only On The Character In Front Of You.

I Think We're Going To Carry The 'ice Age's Up To 'ice Age 15,' Which Means Basically They'll Be In The Present Decade.

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Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

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I Spent A Long Time Working In The Movies To Figure Out That Kind Of Acting And Also How To Write And Produce For The Screen.

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Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

Kathy Bates Is Sexy. It's Partly Because Of Her Talent, But She's Got A Great Face, And A Great Laugh.

Most People Don't Know How Underpaid And Often Ill-equipped Urban Fire Departments Are Across North America.

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Doing The Same Character Over And Over, It Gets Boring.

Let Me Tell You Something: I Love The Yankees. And Let Me Tell You Why: Because Without The Yankees, There Is Nobody To Hate.

The Only Difference Between Kids And Jungle Animals Is Pants. Kids Wear Them. Jungle Animals Don't.

Usually When You Watch A Film, You're Just Sort Of Biting Your Nails About Things You Could Have Done Differently.

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At Some Level, You've Got To Have The Ability To - Especially In Film And In Front Of The Camera, You Got To Have The Ability To Drop Into Character And Close Off The Entire Crew And The Camera And Everything Else.

I'm Gonna Get One Of Those Tracheotomies, So I Can Smoke Two Cigarettes At The Same Time! I'm Gonna Get Nine Tracheotomies, All Around My Neck, I'll Be Tracheotomy Man! He Can Smoke A Pack At A Time, He's Tracheotomy Man!

I Really Want To Do A Western Film. It's One Of My Favorite Movie Genres Of All Time.

You Try To - You Want To Fly On Both Sides Of The Political Fence Because That's Where The - Where The Comedy Is.

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

If You See Me Doing A New Stand-up Special, It Probably Means I've Been Out Of Work For A While.

The Things That Make Me Angry Still Make Me Angry. George Carlin Is 67, And He's Still As Funny As He's Ever Been, And He's Still Angry. And That Makes Me Feel Good, Because I Feel Like If I Stick Around Long Enough, I'll Still Be Able To Work.

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Here's The Problem With Easter. The Catholic Church Needs To Pick A Date Because It Keeps Moving. And I Think The Reason They Always Have Easter Moving To Different Dates Is To Catch Us.

I Have Good Kids, I Love My Kids. I Try To Bring Them Up The Right Way, Not Spanking Them. I Find That I Don't Have To Spank Them. I Find That Waving The Gun Around Pretty Much Gets The Same Job Done!

It's Hard To Have A Film And Television Career And Do Music Work At The Same Time.

Film And Television

I Take Music Pretty Seriously. You See That Scar On My Wrist? You See That? You Know Where That's From? I Heard The Bee Gees Were Getting Back Together Again. I Couldn't Take It, Ok!

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When I'm On Stage, That's Me. It's Blown Up, But That's Me.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

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Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

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George Carlin Was Great Right Up To The End Of His Life. But Richard Pryor Was Probably The Best, Most Gifted Stand-up Comedian Who Will Ever Live.

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

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What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

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I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

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I Would Never Do Crack... I Would Never Do A Drug Named After A Part Of My Own Ass, Okay?

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

"yeah, Well, If You Eat Red Meat, It Stays In Your Colon For Fifteen Years!" Good! I Paid For It; I Want It In My Ass, Okay? I Want Them To Find A Meat Sweater From My Esophagus To My Asshole When They Open Me Up In The End! "this Guy's Covered In Meat! He's Meat-man! He's Meat-tracheotomy-man!"

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

The Social Wishlist On Facebook Is A Great Example Of Everything Right About Social Media.

I Can't Text. My Fingers Are Too Big.

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I Love To Smoke. I Smoke Seven Thousand Packs A Day!

My Goal Is To Leave This Planet With The Biggest Carbon Footprint I Can Possibly Leave.

Carbon Footprint

What's Politically Correct A Lot Of Times Is Not Funny.

Politically Correct

I Guess You Get Pigeon-holed In Hollywood, But I'm Ok With That Because I've Been Able To Do A Lot. I Started In The Theater, Then I Went To Stand-up Comedy, And Then When I Went Into The Movies To Do Comedy And Drama And Big Movies And Small Movies.

Bill Murray Doesn't Do Anything. He Barely Shows Up At The Movies He Says He's Going To Do.

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

You Just Can't Win. Men Have Very Recent Land Mines In Their Heads. Women Have Recorded Conversations And Photographs In Their Heads From 15 Years Ago.

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It.

Science Fiction

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Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

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When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

I'm One Of The People That When I Wake Up I Have To Do What I Do. It's Not Like I Want To Do It. I Kind Of Have To Do It.

I Like Jesus, I Mean, I Think He Was A Good Guy.

My Charity Is In The Business Of Helping Firefighters In Any Way That We Can. For Instance, After 9/11 We Were The Second-fastest Charity To Raise And Distribute Money To The Widows And Surviving Family Members Of The 343 Firefighters Who Died That Day.

Sometimes 'great Acting' Is Just Showing Off - Chewing Up Scenery And Dialogue And Other Actors - The Equivalent Of A Theatrical Sugar Rush.

I'm Really Happy I Went To A Catholic School Because A Lot Of The Repressive Tactics They Use Make For Great Senses Of Humor.

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

I'm The Enemy. Because I Like To Think, I Like To Read. I'm Into Freedom Of Speech, The Freedom Of Choice. I'm The Kind Of Guy Who Likes To Sit In A Greasy Spoon And Wonder - "gee, Should I Have The T-bone Steak Or The Jumbo Rack Of Bbq Ribs With The Side Order Of Gravy Fries?" I Want High Cholesterol. I Wanna Eat Bacon And Butter And Buskets Of Cheese, Okay? I Wanna Smoke A Cuban Cigar The Size Of Cincinnati In The Non-smoking Section. I Wanna Run Through The Streets Naked With Green Jell-o All Over My Body Reading Playboy Magazine. Why? Because I Suddenly Might Feel The Need To, Okay, Pal?

I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

In My Experience In Series Tv If You Have A Good Crew And A Great Cast It's Going To Be A Great Group - Similar To The Theater Where It's A Bunch Of People Who Are Really Talented And Go To Work Each Day And Challenge Each Other And If You Are Lucky Enough To Get A Hit Then It's Five Or Six Or Seven Years Of This Kind Of Work.

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

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I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

I Really Like 'batman.' Not The Tv Show, But The Dark 'batman.'

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I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Bigger And Better

Charlotte Rampling, When She Was Younger, Looked Exactly Like My Wife. That's One Of The Reasons That When I First Saw My Wife, My Knees Buckled. Based On Her Looks Alone, She Was Already In My Kitchen Making Eggs.

There's No Way Around It, Drama Is Very Difficult To Shoot. It's Very Heavy And Something That You Carry With You For The Course Of The Day.

I Love To Smoke. I Love To Eat Red Meat. I'll Only Eat Red Meat That Comes From Cows Who Smoke, Ok!? Special Cows They Grow In Virginia With Voice Boxes In Their Necks. "moo"

When I Was A Teenager, You Couldn't Get Straight Pants. Then In '76, When Punk Started To Hit, It Was A Revelation That You Could Find Straight Pants Again.

My Father Left Ireland Because He Did Not Want To Muck Horse Manure For The Rest Of His Life, And He Wanted To Come To New York.

Ann Romney Talking About Middle Class Moms Is Like Chris Christie Talking About A Salad

I'm Pretty Much A Chocolate Guy. I'm Up For Any Type Of Chocolate. Any Chocolate.

It's Human Nature For People To Expect People To Be What They See On The Screen.

I Bought My Daughter A Chihuahua And I Fell In Love With It. So Now I Carry Coco Around With Me All The Time.

I Was Reading An Interview With Keith Richards In A Magazine And In The Interview Keith Richards Intimated That Kids Should Not Do Drugs. Keith Richards! Says That Kids Should Not Do Drugs! Keith, We Can't Do Any More Drugs Because You Already F-king Did Them All, Alright? There's None Left! We Have To Wait 'til You Die And Smoke Your Ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk About The Pot And The F-kin' Kettle.

For Us As Writers, It's Really Important To Have Songs We Believe In - Even Before Sometimes We Shoot A Scene. If We Have A Song That's So Perfectly Designed For A Scene On 'rescue Me,' We'll Play It On Loud Speakers During The Shooting. It Helps The Cameraman And It Helps The Director, And It Helps The Actors Know What The Feel Is.

Certain Movies Like 'wag The Dog,' We Used Improv On Every Scene That We Did. Pretty Much, We Would Shoot From The Script And Then Some Stuff That We Came Up With In Rehearsal, And Then We'd Have At Least One Or Two Takes Where We Completely Went Off The Script And Just Flew By The Seat Of Our Pants.

That's Why I'm Glad Jesus Died When He Did. Because If He Lived To Be 40, He Would Have Ended Up Like Elvis. He Was Famous Already At That Point. If He Lived To Be 40, He'd Be Walking Around Jerusalem With A Big Fat Beer Gut And Black Side Burns Going, Damn, I'm The Son Of God. Give Me A Cheeseburger And French Fries Right Now.

My Dad Was Very Much A John Wayne Kind Of Guy, But He Was Also A Great Guy, Great Sense Of Humor, A Real Dedicated Dad. I Don't Think He Ever Missed A Hockey Game I Was In.

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

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