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It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

-Denis Leary

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It Would Be Great

Denis Leary

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It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

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Guarantees That

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I Want You To Take Away The Hope Because That's The Thing That's Killing Me.

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Bigger And Better

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Lots Of Friends

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I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

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Life Sucks,get A Helmet

Stand-up Comedy And Comedy In General Is The Ultimate Form Of Free Speech, Because You Get To Poke Holes In All The Pretentious Bubbles Politicians And Pundits And Popes And Pretenders Try To Float Over Our Heads.

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Family And Friends

Wolfhounds Helped Kill Off The Wolves In Ireland.

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I Think All Priests Should Be Married.

I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This Much.

I Would Never Do Crack... I Would Never Do A Drug Named After A Part Of My Own Ass, Okay?

Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

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I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

I Love To Smoke. I Love To Eat Red Meat. I'll Only Eat Red Meat That Comes From Cows Who Smoke, Ok!? Special Cows They Grow In Virginia With Voice Boxes In Their Necks. "moo"

My Charity Is In The Business Of Helping Firefighters In Any Way That We Can. For Instance, After 9/11 We Were The Second-fastest Charity To Raise And Distribute Money To The Widows And Surviving Family Members Of The 343 Firefighters Who Died That Day.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

I Studied Acting In School And Then Of Course Couldn't Get An Acting Job.

Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

I Really Want To Do A Western Film. It's One Of My Favorite Movie Genres Of All Time.

You Try To - You Want To Fly On Both Sides Of The Political Fence Because That's Where The - Where The Comedy Is.

Don't Buy The Toys That Make The Noise!

Campbell [scott] Also Directed Me In A Film With Hope Davis Called Final. That Was The First Thing We Did Together, But I've Known Him For Years.

You Can't Teach Somebody How To Be Funny. You're Either Funny, Or You Ain't.

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

I'm Gonna Get One Of Those Tracheotomies, So I Can Smoke Two Cigarettes At The Same Time! I'm Gonna Get Nine Tracheotomies, All Around My Neck, I'll Be Tracheotomy Man! He Can Smoke A Pack At A Time, He's Tracheotomy Man!

It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

Guarantees That

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

Here's The Problem With Easter. The Catholic Church Needs To Pick A Date Because It Keeps Moving. And I Think The Reason They Always Have Easter Moving To Different Dates Is To Catch Us.

I'm Born And Raised In The Northeast. My Parents Are Irish Immigrants. So Our Tendency Is To Shy Away From The Big Yellow Ball That Comes Up In The Sky Every Once In A While.

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

For Us As Writers, It's Really Important To Have Songs We Believe In - Even Before Sometimes We Shoot A Scene. If We Have A Song That's So Perfectly Designed For A Scene On 'rescue Me,' We'll Play It On Loud Speakers During The Shooting. It Helps The Cameraman And It Helps The Director, And It Helps The Actors Know What The Feel Is.

I Learned A Long Time Ago, If You Want To Keep Your Friends In Show Business, Don't Get Famous. Because As Soon As You Get Famous, A Lot Of The People You Used To Know, Who Didn't, Become Incredibly Bitter And Jealous. It's Part Of The Territory.

What I've Learned Is That Life Is Too Short And Movies Are Too Long.

Life Is Too Short

Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

I Really Like 'batman.' Not The Tv Show, But The Dark 'batman.'

If A Character Dies, You Get To Do A Big, Juicy Death Scene. But The Flip Side Is You're Out Of The Sequel, Which Is Where The Real Money Is.

The Social Wishlist On Facebook Is A Great Example Of Everything Right About Social Media.

There Are About A Thousand Different Variations On A Horse Neigh. Some Of Them Sound Like A Horse Having Sex, Some Of Them Like A Horse Having Sad Sex.

I Wanted To Get More Serialized. I Had This Idea For An Event That Would Click Onto Everybody's Mortality. I Said, "i Want Somebody To Die." Fortunately For Me, When I Was Toying With That Idea, John Landgraf, Who's The Head Of Fx But Also A Very Smart Executive, Came Up With The Idea Of The Ashes In The Maracas. He Called Me Up And Said, "listen, What About This, They Get The Ashes In A Box And When They Get Them, They Shake Them And They Sound Like Maracas." And I Was Like, "okay, Now I've Got My Throughline."

I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

I'm In My Truck Talking To Jesus. And You Can See A World Series Ring On My Right Pinkie Finger. But When I Take My Sunglasses Off A Second Later, It's Gone. It's The Whole Divine Intervention Thing. You Know Jesus Had Something To Do With Them Winning.

George Carlin Was Great Right Up To The End Of His Life. But Richard Pryor Was Probably The Best, Most Gifted Stand-up Comedian Who Will Ever Live.

It's Human Nature For People To Expect People To Be What They See On The Screen.

Firefighters Are Some Of The Most Selfless Public Servants You Will Ever Encounter.

One Of Those Things That I Like About Tv Is That If You Get A Group Of People You Like, You Can Work With These People For Months At A Time, And You Can Discover Their Strengths And Weaknesses, And You Can Use Those In The Direction Where You Take The Characters.

Everything You Look At Now, The Scripts That Come In That You Look At, The Television Scripts Are Way Better Than The Movie Script. The Talent Is Going To Television.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

Jon Stewart Is Exactly The Same Guy He's Always Been, Only With Money. He Knows That The Moment He Really Believes He's Important, The Funny Goes Away And He Becomes Bill O'reilly, Except Shorter And Jewish.

When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

I Actually Like Talking.

The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

When I Become President, All You Assholes That Ride Bikes In The City? Lock And Load! You're Going Down!

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