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I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

-Denis Leary

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I Remember 9/11; We

Denis Leary

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I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

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Heavy Metal Fans Are Buying Heavy Metal Records, Taking The Records Home, Listening To The Records And Then Blowing Their Heads Off With Shotguns? Where's The Problem? That's An Unemployment Solution Right There, Folks! It's Called Natural Selection.

I Have A Lot Of Conservative Views On A Lot Of Things.

There Are Some Guys I Know For A Fact, Like Louis C.k., Who Always Talk About How Not-great Of An Actor He Is, And He's Terrific On His Show. But I Know Louis Would Play A Fantastic Dramatic Role In Something, Too. He Just Needs Somebody To Grab Him And Say, "come In Here And Do This."

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I Studied Acting In School And Then Of Course Couldn't Get An Acting Job.

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I Went To School With Steven Wright Who Was The Shyest Guy I Knew, And One Day Someone Suddenly Told Me That He Was In A Club Doing Standup Comedy. I Went Down To His Club And He Was Great. Another Friend Of Mine, Who Was Pretty Much A Thief By Trade, Was Hosting The Show. So I Thought If These Guys Can Do It Then So Can I.

I'm Sick And Tired Of Our Generation Being Called The Tv Generation. What Do You Expect? We Watched Lee Harvey Oswald Get His Brains Blown Out All Over. How Could We Change The Channel After That?

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

I Didn't Raise My Kids With The Fear Of God.

My Dad Was Very Much A John Wayne Kind Of Guy, But He Was Also A Great Guy, Great Sense Of Humor, A Real Dedicated Dad. I Don't Think He Ever Missed A Hockey Game I Was In.

My Goal Is To Leave This Planet With The Biggest Carbon Footprint I Can Possibly Leave.

Carbon Footprint

I Needed Someone Really Intense, But Also Somebody With A Lot Of Theatrical Credibility.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

Kathy Bates Is Sexy. It's Partly Because Of Her Talent, But She's Got A Great Face, And A Great Laugh.

I Fell Asleep During 'year One' Twice. And My Son, Who Never Falls Asleep During A Jack Black Movie, Also Nodded Off. That's How Bad It Was. I Was Incredibly Disappointed.

I Just Think It's Difficult For Them To See The Forest For The Trees Right Now, Which I Can't Blame Them For, Given The Circumstances They Found Themselves In.

When I Go To Batman Movies, I Always Think, 'man, I Would Like To Be A Bad Guy In A Batman Movie.' Especially As They Got Darker When They Go To The Christian Bale Era.

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It. So I Don't Think I Could Successfully Pull Off Being On A Project Like That Without Really Losing My Mind.

Let Me Tell You Something: I Love The Yankees. And Let Me Tell You Why: Because Without The Yankees, There Is Nobody To Hate.

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

I Was Reading An Interview With Keith Richards In A Magazine And In The Interview Keith Richards Intimated That Kids Should Not Do Drugs. Keith Richards! Says That Kids Should Not Do Drugs! Keith, We Can't Do Any More Drugs Because You Already F-king Did Them All, Alright? There's None Left! We Have To Wait 'til You Die And Smoke Your Ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk About The Pot And The F-kin' Kettle.

Elvis And I Call Up Cadillac Dealerships All Night Long, Suckin' Down Ny Quil Stingers And Cheese. He Says, What The Hell's Lisa Marie Thinking With That Michael Jackson Crap?

Ann Romney Talking About Middle Class Moms Is Like Chris Christie Talking About A Salad

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

He [ Campbell Scott ] Is Also A Really Funny Guy Which Not A Lot Of People Know.

I Try And Shoot As Often As I Can, I Cross Shoot. I Have At Least Two Cameras Rolling At The Same Time. So I'll Have Two Actors Or Two Sets Of Actors At A Time So Everybody's Basically On Camera. So When They Improvise We Have Everybody's Coverage. And You Can Then Go In The Editing Room And Find The Energy Still Stays There.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

Once You Have A Firefighter In Your Family, Your Family And The Families From His Crew Become One Big Extended Family.

We Drink And We Die And Continue To Drink.

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

I'm The Lord Of The Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, It's Me!

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

What I've Learned Is That Life Is Too Short And Movies Are Too Long.

Life Is Too Short

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

I Take Music Pretty Seriously. You See That Scar On My Wrist? You See That? You Know Where That's From? I Heard The Bee Gees Were Getting Back Together Again. I Couldn't Take It, Ok!

I Like To Give The Actors Freedom To Take What We Have On The Page And Improve On It. And They Do That Quite A Bit.

I Eat Meat Because Meat Tastes Like Murder, And Murder Tastes Pretty Dam Good!

I'm A Pretty Boring Guy. Compared To Ashton Kutcher, I Live A Really Boring Existence.

Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

I Spent A Long Time Working In The Movies To Figure Out That Kind Of Acting And Also How To Write And Produce For The Screen.

I Want You To Take Away The Hope Because That's The Thing That's Killing Me.

I Can't Text. My Fingers Are Too Big.

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

Having Dealt With A Lot Of Real Firefighters, I Know There Are A Lot Of Guys Who, For Lack Of A Better Term, Become Addicted To The Grief Because It Has Kept Them Connected To These Guys That They Felt Responsible For Having Lost.

Worrying About Tomorrow Is The Best Way To Screw Up Today.

My Primary Reason For Bringing My Son On Was To Have A Voice On The Show [sex&drugs&rock&roll] That Would Bring A 25 Or 26 Year Old Point Of View To It, And My Son Is Very Capable Of Writing That Stuff.

I Wanted A More Female Point Of View.

I Bought My Daughter A Chihuahua And I Fell In Love With It. So Now I Carry Coco Around With Me All The Time.

You Can Have Good Writing, But A Great Actor Will Make It Feel And Sound Like Great Writing. You Can Have Great Writing, And Mediocre Actors Will Make It Feel Mediocre. Without The Actors, You Have Nothing.

My Wife And I Were Poor When I Started But We Struggled Along Until Things Happened For Me In My Thirties. I Knew I Was Doing What I Loved Even If I Wasn't Getting Paid For It, So I Think I'd Still Be Doing It.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

We Live In A Country Where John Lennon Takes Eight Bullets, Yoko Ono Is Walking Right Beside Him And Not One Hits Her. Explain That To Me!

With Any Actor, If You Know Your Character Well Enough, You'll Know Pretty Much What He Would Say Under Any Circumstance, Or Whatever Situation Might Rear Its Head.

You Just Can't Win. Men Have Very Recent Land Mines In Their Heads. Women Have Recorded Conversations And Photographs In Their Heads From 15 Years Ago.

If The World Somehow Actually Ends Tomorrow, Let All Forget About The Mayans And Just Agree It`s The Nhl`s Fault

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I'm Praying For 'ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 And 10. Because I Really Think We Can Run Those Characters Into The '60s, And I'm Talking The 1960s, You Know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's What I'm Praying For, Because Then I Wouldn't Have To Do Anything Else.

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I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

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It's Human Nature For People To Expect People To Be What They See On The Screen.

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I Like Jesus, I Mean, I Think He Was A Good Guy.

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

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I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

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Most Movies Suck, Even The Independent Ones. Hollywood Is Like Baseball: Hit Three Good Ones Out Of 10 And You're A Hall Of Famer.

The Thing With Movies Is, Because You Have So Little Time, I Always Feel Like There Are More Things We Could've Done With The Character. If We'd Done A Sequel To 'the Thomas Crown Affair,' What Would That Have Been Like? But For The Most Part, You Try Not To Think Of That, Because It's Just Going To Break Your Heart.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Bigger And Better

Happy Easter Everyone! Jesus Dies, Comes Back From The Dead - And We Get Chocolate Eggs. It's Like Turn-down Service From God.

Loud, Stupid And Overeating Will Suffice As Long As We Also Have The Funny, The Fierce And The Intellectual

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You Can't Teach Somebody How To Be Funny. You're Either Funny, Or You Ain't.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

The Second Season Is Generally Easier Do Because You Know The Actors Better And They Know The Characters Better And If Everybody Likes Each Other You Can Really Go All Types Of Places.

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

My Charity Is In The Business Of Helping Firefighters In Any Way That We Can. For Instance, After 9/11 We Were The Second-fastest Charity To Raise And Distribute Money To The Widows And Surviving Family Members Of The 343 Firefighters Who Died That Day.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

My Biggest Regret In Life Is That I Didn't Hit John Denver In The Mouth While I Has The Chance.

Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

It Became Sort Of A Snowball Effect, With Guys Trying To Deal In Their Own Way With 9/11, Whether It Was Drinking Or Whatever.

Campbell [scott] Also Directed Me In A Film With Hope Davis Called Final. That Was The First Thing We Did Together, But I've Known Him For Years.

You Get To A Certain Point, Especially If You're A Comedian, Where People Think Certain Things. It's Like, I Don't Take The Time To Explain It To People, It's Just Part Of What I Do.

My Brother And I Tortured My Mother Growing Up.

If You See Me Doing A New Stand-up Special, It Probably Means I've Been Out Of Work For A While.

Why Hate Someone For The Color Of Their Skin When There Are Much Better Reasons To Hate Them?

Jon Stewart Is Exactly The Same Guy He's Always Been, Only With Money. He Knows That The Moment He Really Believes He's Important, The Funny Goes Away And He Becomes Bill O'reilly, Except Shorter And Jewish.

In Addition To My Cousin, There Were 30 Or 40 Guys I Grew Up With Who Became Firefighters As Well. So, I've Been Around Firefighters All My Life.

Dustin Hoffman Said This One Time, That If He Hadn't Made It As A Film Star, He Would Still Be Happy As A Character Actor Because He Was A Character Actor Because Of His Face From Day One, So He Would Always Work In The Theater.

I'm Not Really A Spider-man Fan. I'm More Of A Batman Guy.

One Of The Things I Always Believed In Was My Dad Came To America And He Was A Very Talented Musician, But He Couldn't Make A Living That Way So He Had To Support His Family As An Auto Mechanic Which He Also Loved Doing. He Was Also Such A Great Dad Because When I First Told Him I Thought I Wanted To Go Into Show Business, His Response Was Okay, That's Interesting.

Usually When You Watch A Film, You're Just Sort Of Biting Your Nails About Things You Could Have Done Differently.

When I Become President, All You Assholes That Ride Bikes In The City? Lock And Load! You're Going Down!

Everyone Should Have An Evil Secret Plan.

I Love Santa Monica And Venice Because I Like The Beach. I Have A Lot Of Friends In That Area.

Lots Of Friends

First Of All, I Have To Have Trucks Because I Live Most Of My Time On A Horse Farm, So I've Gotta Have Trucks. It's In The Northeast; I've Got To Have Pickup Trucks To Move Snow, Number One. Number Two, Just If I'm Driving, I Don't Have To Have An Suv, But I Want A Big Car.

My Kids Watch Everything Downloaded; They Have No Idea What The Numbers Or The Names Of The Channels Mean, Except "fx Makes The Show That I See On My Computer." So It's Harder To Get A Show On The Air, But At The Same Time, There Are A Lot Of Terrific Shows.

The Best Pitch I Ever Heard About Cocaine Was Back In The Early Eighties When A Street Dealer Followed Me Down The Sidewalk Going: I Got Some Great Blow Man. I Got The Stuff That Killed Belushi.

Stand-up Comedy And Comedy In General Is The Ultimate Form Of Free Speech, Because You Get To Poke Holes In All The Pretentious Bubbles Politicians And Pundits And Popes And Pretenders Try To Float Over Our Heads.

It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

Guarantees That

I'm Still Pretty Self-centered, Greedy And Angry.

I Learned A Long Time Ago, If You Want To Keep Your Friends In Show Business, Don't Get Famous. Because As Soon As You Get Famous, A Lot Of The People You Used To Know, Who Didn't, Become Incredibly Bitter And Jealous. It's Part Of The Territory.

Firefighters Are Some Of The Most Selfless Public Servants You Will Ever Encounter.

The Best Comedy Audiences In The Country And This Is Tried And True, I'm Not Just Saying It, In My Opinion Are Boston, Atlanta, And Chicago.

At Some Level, You've Got To Have The Ability To - Especially In Film And In Front Of The Camera, You Got To Have The Ability To Drop Into Character And Close Off The Entire Crew And The Camera And Everything Else.

I Love To Smoke. I Smoke Seven Thousand Packs A Day!

I'm A Lapsed Catholic In The Best Sense Of The Word.

The Best Thing About Series Tv Is That Everyone You Work With Is Hand-picked, As Compared To Working On A Film.

I'm Born And Raised In The Northeast. My Parents Are Irish Immigrants. So Our Tendency Is To Shy Away From The Big Yellow Ball That Comes Up In The Sky Every Once In A While.

Good Actors, Especially When They Know Their Character, Will Come In And Either Tell You In Advance That They Have An Idea, Or In The Middle Of The Rehearsal Or The Scene They'll Let It Loose And You Go, "ah That's Great."

I've Always Had A Thing For Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer Or Halle Berry In Tight Leather Pants, With The Boots - I'm Pretty Good With Either One.

I Think All Priests Should Be Married.

One Of Those Things That I Like About Tv Is That If You Get A Group Of People You Like, You Can Work With These People For Months At A Time, And You Can Discover Their Strengths And Weaknesses, And You Can Use Those In The Direction Where You Take The Characters.

Sometimes I Park In Handicap Spaces While Handicapped People Make Handicapped Faces.

I've Been Nominated For Emmys And Golden Globes, But I've Never Won One And I Probably Never Will.

The Social Wishlist On Facebook Is A Great Example Of Everything Right About Social Media.

I Think We're Going To Carry The 'ice Age's Up To 'ice Age 15,' Which Means Basically They'll Be In The Present Decade.

When You Write About Real Life, There's Always A Chance That Somebody Involved Is Going To See It And Get Upset.

Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

That's Why I'm Glad Jesus Died When He Did. Because If He Lived To Be 40, He Would Have Ended Up Like Elvis. He Was Famous Already At That Point. If He Lived To Be 40, He'd Be Walking Around Jerusalem With A Big Fat Beer Gut And Black Side Burns Going, Damn, I'm The Son Of God. Give Me A Cheeseburger And French Fries Right Now.

All Men Hear Is Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Sex, Blah, Blah, Blah, Food, Blah, Blah, Blah, Beer.

On A Movie, You Have A Great Time, And You're Really Enjoying The Work, And Then Everybody Is Done And Goes Their Separate Ways, And You Maybe Never Get To Work With Those People Again.

I Did 12 Years With Nuns, You Know. So I Came Out Of It Going, Like, 'i Think Jesus Is All Right.' The Rest Of It I Think Stinks To The High Heavens.

I'd Love To Play In A Red Sox Game. It Would Be So Awesome To Actually Walk Out On The Field And Play, Just For One Inning. I'd Also Steal Everything I Could Get My Hands On In The Clubhouse, Which Is Why They Won't Let Me Do It.

White Men Have Screwed This Country Up! I Would Like A Black, Female…. Everything All Rolled Into One.i Want Something Different. I Want A Real Change. People, I Want A President Who Speaks Well, Who Has A Sense Of Humor. This Guy Is Such A Moron! It's Beyond The Point Where It's A Joke. He's An Idiot.

You Try To - You Want To Fly On Both Sides Of The Political Fence Because That's Where The - Where The Comedy Is.

If I'm President, There Are Going To Be Government Vans That Drive Around And Pick Up People Who Shouldn't Be Wearing Certain Clothing. Talk About Lack Of Civil Rights - I'm Sorry, I'm Pulling You Right Off The Street, And We're Giving You Clothes That You're Going To Be O.k. In.

Rosemary Rodriguez Directed On Rescue Me For Us, And I Love Her. She's Fantastic With Actresses And She's Got A Great Sense Of Humor. That Was A Huge Thing For Me.

I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

Coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup. That's All It Needs! Maybe A Saucer Underneath The Cup — That's It.

My Father Left Ireland Because He Did Not Want To Muck Horse Manure For The Rest Of His Life, And He Wanted To Come To New York.

I Have Good Kids, I Love My Kids. I Try To Bring Them Up The Right Way, Not Spanking Them. I Find That I Don't Have To Spank Them. I Find That Waving The Gun Around Pretty Much Gets The Same Job Done!

I've Only Done Two Other Tv Shows [instead Of Sex&drugs&rock&roll], One Was Rescue Me And The Other Was A Show Called The Job, Which Was At Abc And Only On For Two Seasons.

I Don't Watch 'american Idol.' I Don't Watch Any Of That Stuff.

Yeah, I Love Living In New York, Man, And People Who Live In New York, We Wear That Fact Like A Badge Right On Our Sleeve Because We Know That Fact Impresses Everybody! I Was In Vietnam. So What? I Live In New York!

There's No Way Around It, Drama Is Very Difficult To Shoot. It's Very Heavy And Something That You Carry With You For The Course Of The Day.

I'm In My Truck Talking To Jesus. And You Can See A World Series Ring On My Right Pinkie Finger. But When I Take My Sunglasses Off A Second Later, It's Gone. It's The Whole Divine Intervention Thing. You Know Jesus Had Something To Do With Them Winning.

Is It Possible To Get A Cup Of Coffee-flavored Coffee Anymore In This Country? What Happened With Coffee? Did I Miss A Meeting? They Have Every Other Flavor But Coffee-flavored Coffee. They Have Mochaccino, Frappaccino, Cappuccino, Al Pacino...coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup.

I Really Want To Do A Western Film. It's One Of My Favorite Movie Genres Of All Time.

If You Want A Long-term Relationship That Doesn't Require A Lot Of Work, I Say, Get A Dog. They Love You No Matter What. But When It Comes To Humans, There's No Secret; You Really Have To Appreciate The Person Every Single Day.

Here's The Problem With Easter. The Catholic Church Needs To Pick A Date Because It Keeps Moving. And I Think The Reason They Always Have Easter Moving To Different Dates Is To Catch Us.

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid.

All Knowledge Is Ultimately Rooted In Metaphorical (or Analogical) Modes Of Perception And Thought.

Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet, And I've Got A Million In Mine, Believe Me. I Tested The Envelope; I Pushed It. Whenever Somebody In Authority Told Me Not To Do Something, I Did It Just To Find Out Why They Said Not To Do It.

Crisis Doesn't Create Character; It Reveals It.

Most People Don't Know How Underpaid And Often Ill-equipped Urban Fire Departments Are Across North America.

I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

I'd Love To Do Another Television Series. I Really Love The Writing Process, And As An Actor I Really Like How Much You Get To Examine In Television.

I Was Working With Peter Tolan, Who Was My Writing Partner On Those Two [rescue Me And The Job], And He Did The Larry Sanders Show With Garry Shandling, And He Always Said That The Second Season Is Better Because You Know The Actors.

Anybody Who's Done Standup Will Tell You That There's Nothing Like It. The Show Starts At 8:00, The Curtain Goes Up And There's Nobody Else Except You And The Audience, And You Just Perform For Them For Two Hours. Nobody Yells, 'cut!' There Are No Retakes. That Is Still The Most Exciting Medium For Me, And I Love It.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

People Are Disappointed That You Aren't Exactly Who They Thought You Were, As Opposed To Somebody Who's Just Walking Around Trying To Get Some Laundry Done.

I Tried Eating Vegetarian. I Felt Like A Wimp Going Into A Restaurant. "what Do You Want To Eat Sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's A Side Dish, Folks. Always Was, Always Will Be, Ok! When They Ask Me What I Want, I Say: What Do You Think I Want? This Is America. I Want A Bowl Of Raw Red Meat Right Now.

Once People Start To Think They've Wasted Parts Of Their Life, Or They're Wasting Their Life As They Speak, That Means There's Going To Be Great Dramatic And Comedic Tension.

Wolfhounds Helped Kill Off The Wolves In Ireland.

I Certainly Know Guys In Comedy, I Know Some Actors, And I Definitely Know Some Musicians, Who Have Survived To A Certain Age And Make A Good Living Doing What They Do, But Nobody Knows Who They Are. They Wake Up Every Day And They Have The Ability To Get Paid Practicing Their Art, But Underneath It All, If You Scratched The Surface, You Still Get, "if I Only Had My Own Show . . .," Or "if I Only Had My Own Band . . ." It's What People Always Do When They Want To Be Their Own Star.

I Wasn't The Best Student. I Wasn't Stupid, But I Wasn't Paying A Lot Of Attention.

Bill Murray Doesn't Do Anything. He Barely Shows Up At The Movies He Says He's Going To Do.

Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used.

"yeah, Well, If You Eat Red Meat, It Stays In Your Colon For Fifteen Years!" Good! I Paid For It; I Want It In My Ass, Okay? I Want Them To Find A Meat Sweater From My Esophagus To My Asshole When They Open Me Up In The End! "this Guy's Covered In Meat! He's Meat-man! He's Meat-tracheotomy-man!"

If You're Over 52 Years Old And You're On Facebook, Do Us All A Favor And Log Off Now.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

Anthony Mackie In 'the Hurt Locker' Is Everything An Actor Can Hope To Be. So Rock Steady In His Portrayal That You Immediately Forget Every Performance He May Have Previously Given, And Focus Only On The Character In Front Of You.

When I Clicked Into This Idea Of Doing A Band And Examining A Band As A Dysfunctional Family, I Wanted To Reverse That Rescue Me Formula.

Dysfunctional Family

The First Movie I Saw Where It Convinced Me I Could Be An Actor Was 'mean Streets,' So Whenever I See Robert De Niro And He Says, 'hi, Denis,' It's Still A Really Big Deal.

I'm Not Saying Being A Comedian Is Brain Surgery, But It Is Definitely - It's Like Being A Carpenter. You Learn How To Make Tables And Chairs. You Have To Have The Right Tools, And You Have To Know How To Put The Thing Together, Right?

Tables And Chairs

Doing The Same Character Over And Over, It Gets Boring.

There's No Male Oprah.

It's Important To Have Your Own Space. I've Never Trusted People Who Do Everything Together. I Call Them "kool-aid Couples," Because It's Like They Drank The Same Kool-aid And It's Drugged Them Into Constantly Gazing Into Each Other's Eyes.

There We Were In The Middle Of A Sexual Revolution Wearing Clothes That Guaranteed We Wouldn't Get Laid.

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

There's Nothing Wrong With An Actor That Can't Improvise, But If You're Going To Improvise, You Gotta Make Sure You Got People That Can Play The Game.

I Wanted To Get More Serialized. I Had This Idea For An Event That Would Click Onto Everybody's Mortality. I Said, "i Want Somebody To Die." Fortunately For Me, When I Was Toying With That Idea, John Landgraf, Who's The Head Of Fx But Also A Very Smart Executive, Came Up With The Idea Of The Ashes In The Maracas. He Called Me Up And Said, "listen, What About This, They Get The Ashes In A Box And When They Get Them, They Shake Them And They Sound Like Maracas." And I Was Like, "okay, Now I've Got My Throughline."

When I First Got Famous, Greg Dulli Was Also Just Starting To Cook With The Afghan Whigs, And Because Of The Mtv Awards I Met Dave Grohl And Nirvana And All These Rock And Roll Bands. So I Had Experience With What It Was Like When People Were Taking Off At That Time.

I Actually Like Talking.

I Basically - I Don't Like Tattoos, Unless You're A Firefighter Who Has A Tattoo That Has To Do With That Or A Military Guy. That's - Those Are People Who Should Have Tattoos.

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

Sometimes 'great Acting' Is Just Showing Off - Chewing Up Scenery And Dialogue And Other Actors - The Equivalent Of A Theatrical Sugar Rush.

Vacuuming Is Great. I Do The Laundry. I Love Washing Machines. I'm The Maid In My House.

Charlotte Rampling, When She Was Younger, Looked Exactly Like My Wife. That's One Of The Reasons That When I First Saw My Wife, My Knees Buckled. Based On Her Looks Alone, She Was Already In My Kitchen Making Eggs.

I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This Much.

There Are About A Thousand Different Variations On A Horse Neigh. Some Of Them Sound Like A Horse Having Sex, Some Of Them Like A Horse Having Sad Sex.

What's Politically Correct A Lot Of Times Is Not Funny.

Politically Correct

I'm Really Good At Laundry, And I Have No Problem Cleaning The Kitchen.

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