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Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

-Denis Leary

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Not Eating Meat Is

Denis Leary

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Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

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Sin Is In, And So We Begin.

You Know Why The French Hate Us So Much? Thay Gave Us The Croissant. And You Know What We Did With It? We Turned It Into Our Croissandwich, Thank You Very Much.

I Don't Really Have A Lot Of Fun Playing Just Straight Good Guys. It's Not My Thing. It's Like Tom Hanks Territory.

There Is A Huge Boom In Autism Right Now Because Inattentive Mothers And Competitive Dads Want An Explanation For Why Their Dumb-ass Kids Can't Compete Academically, So They Throw Money Into The Happy Laps Of Shrinks . . . To Get Back Diagnoses That Help Explain Away The Deficiencies Of Their Junior Morons. I Don't Give A [bleep] What These Crackerjack Whack Jobs Tell You - Yer Kid Is Not Autistic. He's Just Stupid. Or Lazy. Or Both.

Life Sucks,get A Helmet

We've Always Talked About Doing Something Else And Campbell Scott Is Always Busy And I'm Always Busy. But When We Came Up With The Idea Of Doing The Potato Famine As A Hip Hop Musical, I Wanted Somebody Who Was Going To Bring Gravity.

It Became Sort Of A Snowball Effect, With Guys Trying To Deal In Their Own Way With 9/11, Whether It Was Drinking Or Whatever.

We Drink And We Die And Continue To Drink.

First Of All, I Have To Have Trucks Because I Live Most Of My Time On A Horse Farm, So I've Gotta Have Trucks. It's In The Northeast; I've Got To Have Pickup Trucks To Move Snow, Number One. Number Two, Just If I'm Driving, I Don't Have To Have An Suv, But I Want A Big Car.

I Love French Stuff. Mmmm, French Fries.

My Biggest Regret In Life Is That I Didn't Hit John Denver In The Mouth While I Has The Chance.

I Just Think It's Difficult For Them To See The Forest For The Trees Right Now, Which I Can't Blame Them For, Given The Circumstances They Found Themselves In.

Everything You Look At Now, The Scripts That Come In That You Look At, The Television Scripts Are Way Better Than The Movie Script. The Talent Is Going To Television.

I Basically - I Don't Like Tattoos, Unless You're A Firefighter Who Has A Tattoo That Has To Do With That Or A Military Guy. That's - Those Are People Who Should Have Tattoos.

The Filter's The Best Part. That's Where They Put The Heroin.

I've Been Nominated For Emmys And Golden Globes, But I've Never Won One And I Probably Never Will.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

Certain Movies Like 'wag The Dog,' We Used Improv On Every Scene That We Did. Pretty Much, We Would Shoot From The Script And Then Some Stuff That We Came Up With In Rehearsal, And Then We'd Have At Least One Or Two Takes Where We Completely Went Off The Script And Just Flew By The Seat Of Our Pants.

When I Go To Batman Movies, I Always Think, 'man, I Would Like To Be A Bad Guy In A Batman Movie.' Especially As They Got Darker When They Go To The Christian Bale Era.

Yeah, I Love Living In New York, Man, And People Who Live In New York, We Wear That Fact Like A Badge Right On Our Sleeve Because We Know That Fact Impresses Everybody! I Was In Vietnam. So What? I Live In New York!

Racism Isn't Born, Folks, It's Taught. I Have A Two-year-old Son. You Know What He Hates? Naps! End Of List.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

I Will Not Bond. I Will Not Share. I Refuse To Nurture.

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

I'm The Lord Of The Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, It's Me!

Marriage Is Like A Dull Meal With The Dessert At The Beginning.

We Live In A Country Where John Lennon Takes Eight Bullets, Yoko Ono Is Walking Right Beside Him And Not One Hits Her. Explain That To Me!

There Are Some Guys I Know For A Fact, Like Louis C.k., Who Always Talk About How Not-great Of An Actor He Is, And He's Terrific On His Show. But I Know Louis Would Play A Fantastic Dramatic Role In Something, Too. He Just Needs Somebody To Grab Him And Say, "come In Here And Do This."

When I'm On Stage, That's Me. It's Blown Up, But That's Me.

Everyone's Got Skeletons In Their Closet, And I've Got A Million In Mine, Believe Me. I Tested The Envelope; I Pushed It. Whenever Somebody In Authority Told Me Not To Do Something, I Did It Just To Find Out Why They Said Not To Do It.

I Take Music Pretty Seriously. You See That Scar On My Wrist? You See That? You Know Where That's From? I Heard The Bee Gees Were Getting Back Together Again. I Couldn't Take It, Ok!

I Think Daycare Is Great For People Who Have To Work Two Jobs. My Problem Is With People Who Are Dropping Kids Off At Daycare Because They Want To Go Out And Spend The Day Golfing Or Getting Their Nails Done. You Know What I Mean? That's Not Why They Invented Daycare.

I Think We're Going To Carry The 'ice Age's Up To 'ice Age 15,' Which Means Basically They'll Be In The Present Decade.

I Have Good Kids, I Love My Kids. I Try To Bring Them Up The Right Way, Not Spanking Them. I Find That I Don't Have To Spank Them. I Find That Waving The Gun Around Pretty Much Gets The Same Job Done!

Having Dealt With A Lot Of Real Firefighters, I Know There Are A Lot Of Guys Who, For Lack Of A Better Term, Become Addicted To The Grief Because It Has Kept Them Connected To These Guys That They Felt Responsible For Having Lost.

I Like Jesus, I Mean, I Think He Was A Good Guy.

There's Nothing Wrong With An Actor That Can't Improvise, But If You're Going To Improvise, You Gotta Make Sure You Got People That Can Play The Game.

People Saying, 'life Didn't Turn Out The Way I Wanted It To.' Welcome To The Club. I Wanted To Be The Starting Center-fielder For The Boston Red Sox, For Chrissakes!

I Can't Text. My Fingers Are Too Big.

Dustin Hoffman Said This One Time, That If He Hadn't Made It As A Film Star, He Would Still Be Happy As A Character Actor Because He Was A Character Actor Because Of His Face From Day One, So He Would Always Work In The Theater.

Most People Don't Know How Underpaid And Often Ill-equipped Urban Fire Departments Are Across North America.

Coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup. That's All It Needs! Maybe A Saucer Underneath The Cup — That's It.

The Only Difference Between Kids And Jungle Animals Is Pants. Kids Wear Them. Jungle Animals Don't.

When I Clicked Into This Idea Of Doing A Band And Examining A Band As A Dysfunctional Family, I Wanted To Reverse That Rescue Me Formula.

Dysfunctional Family

I'm A Pretty Boring Guy. Compared To Ashton Kutcher, I Live A Really Boring Existence.

I Wanted A More Female Point Of View.

I'm Sick And Tired Of Our Generation Being Called The Tv Generation. What Do You Expect? We Watched Lee Harvey Oswald Get His Brains Blown Out All Over. How Could We Change The Channel After That?

Vacuuming Is Great. I Do The Laundry. I Love Washing Machines. I'm The Maid In My House.

You Can't Teach Somebody How To Be Funny. You're Either Funny, Or You Ain't.

I Wanted To Be A Hockey Player. Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used. I Was Terrible In School And Actually Said, 'i'm Going To Be A Hockey Player.'

Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used.

Wolfhounds Helped Kill Off The Wolves In Ireland.

Every Actor Thinks He Can Do Comedy, And It's Not True.

Once People Start To Think They've Wasted Parts Of Their Life, Or They're Wasting Their Life As They Speak, That Means There's Going To Be Great Dramatic And Comedic Tension.

No Matter What Anybody Says, Relationships Are Based On Physical Attraction. The First Time I Saw My Wife, It Was Pure Animal Whatever.

I Studied Acting In School And Then Of Course Couldn't Get An Acting Job.

Firefighters Don't Go On Strike.

When I Was A Teenager, You Couldn't Get Straight Pants. Then In '76, When Punk Started To Hit, It Was A Revelation That You Could Find Straight Pants Again.

Why Hate Someone For The Color Of Their Skin When There Are Much Better Reasons To Hate Them?

What I've Learned Is That Life Is Too Short And Movies Are Too Long.

Life Is Too Short

Sometimes I Park In Handicap Spaces While Handicapped People Make Handicapped Faces.

I Guess You Get Pigeon-holed In Hollywood, But I'm Ok With That Because I've Been Able To Do A Lot. I Started In The Theater, Then I Went To Stand-up Comedy, And Then When I Went Into The Movies To Do Comedy And Drama And Big Movies And Small Movies.

My Kids Watch Everything Downloaded; They Have No Idea What The Numbers Or The Names Of The Channels Mean, Except "fx Makes The Show That I See On My Computer." So It's Harder To Get A Show On The Air, But At The Same Time, There Are A Lot Of Terrific Shows.

The Things That Make Me Angry Still Make Me Angry. George Carlin Is 67, And He's Still As Funny As He's Ever Been, And He's Still Angry. And That Makes Me Feel Good, Because I Feel Like If I Stick Around Long Enough, I'll Still Be Able To Work.

My Father Left Ireland Because He Did Not Want To Muck Horse Manure For The Rest Of His Life, And He Wanted To Come To New York.

Worrying About Tomorrow Is The Best Way To Screw Up Today.

At Some Level, You've Got To Have The Ability To - Especially In Film And In Front Of The Camera, You Got To Have The Ability To Drop Into Character And Close Off The Entire Crew And The Camera And Everything Else.

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

One Of Those Things That I Like About Tv Is That If You Get A Group Of People You Like, You Can Work With These People For Months At A Time, And You Can Discover Their Strengths And Weaknesses, And You Can Use Those In The Direction Where You Take The Characters.

I'm Pretty Much A Chocolate Guy. I'm Up For Any Type Of Chocolate. Any Chocolate.

Most Of The Women Placed In The Fire Department Here In New York Never Passed The Physical Test. And A Fat Guy Or A Short Guy, Or Anybody Not Passing The Test In A Life-or-death Job, Leads To Friction.

What's Politically Correct A Lot Of Times Is Not Funny.

Politically Correct

Hockey's My Favorite Sport.

If The World Somehow Actually Ends Tomorrow, Let All Forget About The Mayans And Just Agree It`s The Nhl`s Fault

I Don't Want To See A 'sopranos' Movie. This Is Just Me. I Like To Think The End Is Where It Was On Tv As Opposed To Becoming A Movie.

I Want You To Take Away The Hope Because That's The Thing That's Killing Me.

Heavy Metal Fans Are Buying Heavy Metal Records, Taking The Records Home, Listening To The Records And Then Blowing Their Heads Off With Shotguns? Where's The Problem? That's An Unemployment Solution Right There, Folks! It's Called Natural Selection.

I'd Love To Do Another Television Series. I Really Love The Writing Process, And As An Actor I Really Like How Much You Get To Examine In Television.

I Certainly Know Guys In Comedy, I Know Some Actors, And I Definitely Know Some Musicians, Who Have Survived To A Certain Age And Make A Good Living Doing What They Do, But Nobody Knows Who They Are. They Wake Up Every Day And They Have The Ability To Get Paid Practicing Their Art, But Underneath It All, If You Scratched The Surface, You Still Get, "if I Only Had My Own Show . . .," Or "if I Only Had My Own Band . . ." It's What People Always Do When They Want To Be Their Own Star.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

I Did 12 Years With Nuns, You Know. So I Came Out Of It Going, Like, 'i Think Jesus Is All Right.' The Rest Of It I Think Stinks To The High Heavens.

You Try To - You Want To Fly On Both Sides Of The Political Fence Because That's Where The - Where The Comedy Is.

If You Do Good Work, It Tends To Stick Around. People Still Come Up To Me And Say, "'the Ref' Is My Favorite Christmas Movie."

I Spent A Long Time Working In The Movies To Figure Out That Kind Of Acting And Also How To Write And Produce For The Screen.

Everyone Should Have An Evil Secret Plan.

I Don't Want A President Like Me! I Suck, Okay. I Want An Elitist, Smart Guy.

I Was Reading An Interview With Keith Richards In A Magazine And In The Interview Keith Richards Intimated That Kids Should Not Do Drugs. Keith Richards! Says That Kids Should Not Do Drugs! Keith, We Can't Do Any More Drugs Because You Already F-king Did Them All, Alright? There's None Left! We Have To Wait 'til You Die And Smoke Your Ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk About The Pot And The F-kin' Kettle.

Ann Romney Talking About Middle Class Moms Is Like Chris Christie Talking About A Salad

How Many Whales Do We Really Need? I Figure Five. One For Each Ocean.

In My Experience In Series Tv If You Have A Good Crew And A Great Cast It's Going To Be A Great Group - Similar To The Theater Where It's A Bunch Of People Who Are Really Talented And Go To Work Each Day And Challenge Each Other And If You Are Lucky Enough To Get A Hit Then It's Five Or Six Or Seven Years Of This Kind Of Work.

Loud, Stupid And Overeating Will Suffice As Long As We Also Have The Funny, The Fierce And The Intellectual

I Believe In Prescription Drugs. I Believe In Feeling Better.

There Are About A Thousand Different Variations On A Horse Neigh. Some Of Them Sound Like A Horse Having Sex, Some Of Them Like A Horse Having Sad Sex.

I Really Like 'batman.' Not The Tv Show, But The Dark 'batman.'

You Really Want To Have A Back-up Plan, So When You Don't Feel Like Acting, Or You're Getting Older And Settling Down, You Can Produce Your Own Stuff. So That's When I Set About Forming My Own Company And Getting Creative Control.

Rosemary Rodriguez Directed On Rescue Me For Us, And I Love Her. She's Fantastic With Actresses And She's Got A Great Sense Of Humor. That Was A Huge Thing For Me.

Crisis Doesn't Create Character; It Reveals It.

One Thing That's Great About Firefighters: If They Don't Have The Equipment They Desperately Need, They Don't Have The Help, They Don't Care. They'll Do It On Their Own.

I'm A Huge Kevin Youkilis Fan.

There's No Way Around It, Drama Is Very Difficult To Shoot. It's Very Heavy And Something That You Carry With You For The Course Of The Day.

I Love To Smoke. I Love To Eat Red Meat. I'll Only Eat Red Meat That Comes From Cows Who Smoke, Ok!? Special Cows They Grow In Virginia With Voice Boxes In Their Necks. "moo"

When I Become President, All You Assholes That Ride Bikes In The City? Lock And Load! You're Going Down!

Jon Stewart Is Exactly The Same Guy He's Always Been, Only With Money. He Knows That The Moment He Really Believes He's Important, The Funny Goes Away And He Becomes Bill O'reilly, Except Shorter And Jewish.

I Think It's A Shame When You Come Across Young Actors And Musicians Who Haven't Had The Time To Learn Their Craft. It Doesn't Matter If It's Acting Or Music, You Really Have To Learn How To Do It From The Bottom Up Because Unless You Have A Great Work Ethic... Fame Is A Terrible Thing To Have.

If I'm President, There Are Going To Be Government Vans That Drive Around And Pick Up People Who Shouldn't Be Wearing Certain Clothing. Talk About Lack Of Civil Rights - I'm Sorry, I'm Pulling You Right Off The Street, And We're Giving You Clothes That You're Going To Be O.k. In.

Most Movies Suck, Even The Independent Ones. Hollywood Is Like Baseball: Hit Three Good Ones Out Of 10 And You're A Hall Of Famer.

I Actually Like Talking.

I've Always Had A Thing For Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer Or Halle Berry In Tight Leather Pants, With The Boots - I'm Pretty Good With Either One.

On A Movie, You Have A Great Time, And You're Really Enjoying The Work, And Then Everybody Is Done And Goes Their Separate Ways, And You Maybe Never Get To Work With Those People Again.

I Learned A Long Time Ago, If You Want To Keep Your Friends In Show Business, Don't Get Famous. Because As Soon As You Get Famous, A Lot Of The People You Used To Know, Who Didn't, Become Incredibly Bitter And Jealous. It's Part Of The Territory.

I'm Really Good At Laundry, And I Have No Problem Cleaning The Kitchen.

I Think We Should Take Iraq And Iran And Combine Them Into One Country And Call It Irate. All The Pissed Off People Live In One Place And Get It Over With.

My Cousin Jerry Lucey And Five Other Firefighters Died In A Warehouse Fire In Worcester, Mass. - My Hometown - Right In The Middle Of Our Old Neighborhood Downtown When A Homeless Couple Started A Fire To Keep Warm And The Entire Building Went Up. My Cousin Died Trying To Save Homeless People Who Had Already Left The Building.

I Was Working With Peter Tolan, Who Was My Writing Partner On Those Two [rescue Me And The Job], And He Did The Larry Sanders Show With Garry Shandling, And He Always Said That The Second Season Is Better Because You Know The Actors.

I Tried Eating Vegetarian. I Felt Like A Wimp Going Into A Restaurant. "what Do You Want To Eat Sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's A Side Dish, Folks. Always Was, Always Will Be, Ok! When They Ask Me What I Want, I Say: What Do You Think I Want? This Is America. I Want A Bowl Of Raw Red Meat Right Now.

I Do Have To Say That I Think That President Obama Is The Greatest President In The History Of All Of Our Presidents, And That He Can Do No Wrong In My Book. So How's That For Prejudice On The Democratic Side?

For Us As Writers, It's Really Important To Have Songs We Believe In - Even Before Sometimes We Shoot A Scene. If We Have A Song That's So Perfectly Designed For A Scene On 'rescue Me,' We'll Play It On Loud Speakers During The Shooting. It Helps The Cameraman And It Helps The Director, And It Helps The Actors Know What The Feel Is.

I'm Gonna Get One Of Those Tracheotomies, So I Can Smoke Two Cigarettes At The Same Time! I'm Gonna Get Nine Tracheotomies, All Around My Neck, I'll Be Tracheotomy Man! He Can Smoke A Pack At A Time, He's Tracheotomy Man!

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It. So I Don't Think I Could Successfully Pull Off Being On A Project Like That Without Really Losing My Mind.

I'm Still Pretty Self-centered, Greedy And Angry.

Sometimes 'great Acting' Is Just Showing Off - Chewing Up Scenery And Dialogue And Other Actors - The Equivalent Of A Theatrical Sugar Rush.

Is It Possible To Get A Cup Of Coffee-flavored Coffee Anymore In This Country? What Happened With Coffee? Did I Miss A Meeting? They Have Every Other Flavor But Coffee-flavored Coffee. They Have Mochaccino, Frappaccino, Cappuccino, Al Pacino...coffee Doesn't Need A Menu, It Needs A Cup.

If A Character Dies, You Get To Do A Big, Juicy Death Scene. But The Flip Side Is You're Out Of The Sequel, Which Is Where The Real Money Is.

I Bought My Daughter A Chihuahua And I Fell In Love With It. So Now I Carry Coco Around With Me All The Time.

The Biggest Battle For A Lot Of People Who Come Out Of The Theater, Which Is Where I Was Trained, Is That They Can Never Forget That A Camera Is Pointed At Them.

I Went To See The 'spider-man' Movies Because My Wife Is A Fan, And So Are My Kids.

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

The Key Thing Is To Get That One Splash - That One Song Or That One Video For A Song - That Catches People's Eyes. Because It's All Digital Content Now.

I Don't Watch 'american Idol.' I Don't Watch Any Of That Stuff.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Bigger And Better

White Men Have Screwed This Country Up! I Would Like A Black, Female…. Everything All Rolled Into One.i Want Something Different. I Want A Real Change. People, I Want A President Who Speaks Well, Who Has A Sense Of Humor. This Guy Is Such A Moron! It's Beyond The Point Where It's A Joke. He's An Idiot.

Firefighters Are Some Of The Most Selfless Public Servants You Will Ever Encounter.

My Dad Was Very Much A John Wayne Kind Of Guy, But He Was Also A Great Guy, Great Sense Of Humor, A Real Dedicated Dad. I Don't Think He Ever Missed A Hockey Game I Was In.

I Went To School With Steven Wright Who Was The Shyest Guy I Knew, And One Day Someone Suddenly Told Me That He Was In A Club Doing Standup Comedy. I Went Down To His Club And He Was Great. Another Friend Of Mine, Who Was Pretty Much A Thief By Trade, Was Hosting The Show. So I Thought If These Guys Can Do It Then So Can I.

With Any Actor, If You Know Your Character Well Enough, You'll Know Pretty Much What He Would Say Under Any Circumstance, Or Whatever Situation Might Rear Its Head.

When I First Got Famous, Greg Dulli Was Also Just Starting To Cook With The Afghan Whigs, And Because Of The Mtv Awards I Met Dave Grohl And Nirvana And All These Rock And Roll Bands. So I Had Experience With What It Was Like When People Were Taking Off At That Time.

I'm No Day At The Beach. And If It Is A Beach, It's Hampton Beach. Ever Been There? It's Not Nice.

All Knowledge Is Ultimately Rooted In Metaphorical (or Analogical) Modes Of Perception And Thought.

My Charity Is In The Business Of Helping Firefighters In Any Way That We Can. For Instance, After 9/11 We Were The Second-fastest Charity To Raise And Distribute Money To The Widows And Surviving Family Members Of The 343 Firefighters Who Died That Day.

I Think All Priests Should Be Married.

Bill Murray Doesn't Do Anything. He Barely Shows Up At The Movies He Says He's Going To Do.

The Thing With Movies Is, Because You Have So Little Time, I Always Feel Like There Are More Things We Could've Done With The Character. If We'd Done A Sequel To 'the Thomas Crown Affair,' What Would That Have Been Like? But For The Most Part, You Try Not To Think Of That, Because It's Just Going To Break Your Heart.

I'm No Prophet And I'm No Genius, But I Can Only Tell You What I Seem To Know. As A Fan Of Television And The Movies, I Think It's All For The Better.

Anthony Mackie In 'the Hurt Locker' Is Everything An Actor Can Hope To Be. So Rock Steady In His Portrayal That You Immediately Forget Every Performance He May Have Previously Given, And Focus Only On The Character In Front Of You.

My Father Could Swear In Gaelic And English, By The Way, Ladies And Gentlemen.

Science Fiction Was Never My Thing. I Have No Interest In It.

Science Fiction

When You Write About Real Life, There's Always A Chance That Somebody Involved Is Going To See It And Get Upset.

No Woman Can Be Completely Happy At Any One Moment In Time. They're Always Anticipating The Next Thing To Argue Or Complain About.

I've Eaten Things That Didn't Complain This Much.

I'm One Of The People That When I Wake Up I Have To Do What I Do. It's Not Like I Want To Do It. I Kind Of Have To Do It.

I Always Hated The Grateful Dead. Never Even Bought A Led Zeppelin Album.

My Nieces And My Nephews Think The Only Thing That I Do Is 'ice Age.' That's Fine With Me Because Pretty Soon They'll Grow Up Enough To Realize That I Suck Or That My Time Has Passed, Whichever It Might Be.

It's Important To Have Your Own Space. I've Never Trusted People Who Do Everything Together. I Call Them "kool-aid Couples," Because It's Like They Drank The Same Kool-aid And It's Drugged Them Into Constantly Gazing Into Each Other's Eyes.

We Didn't Have Rehab Back In The Seventies. Back In The Seventies, Rehab Meant You Stopped Doing Coke, But You Kept Smoking Pot And Drinking For A Couple More Weeks.

Doing The Same Character Over And Over, It Gets Boring.

My Only Worry About Tweeting And Modern Technology Is How It Has Crept Into Even The Darkest Corners Of The Absolute Global Village We Live In.

You Just Can't Win. Men Have Very Recent Land Mines In Their Heads. Women Have Recorded Conversations And Photographs In Their Heads From 15 Years Ago.

I'm Born And Raised In The Northeast. My Parents Are Irish Immigrants. So Our Tendency Is To Shy Away From The Big Yellow Ball That Comes Up In The Sky Every Once In A While.

I Really Want To Do A Western Film. It's One Of My Favorite Movie Genres Of All Time.

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid.

I Eat Meat Because Meat Tastes Like Murder, And Murder Tastes Pretty Dam Good!

The Best Pitch I Ever Heard About Cocaine Was Back In The Early Eighties When A Street Dealer Followed Me Down The Sidewalk Going: I Got Some Great Blow Man. I Got The Stuff That Killed Belushi.

If You Want A Long-term Relationship That Doesn't Require A Lot Of Work, I Say, Get A Dog. They Love You No Matter What. But When It Comes To Humans, There's No Secret; You Really Have To Appreciate The Person Every Single Day.

Elvis And I Call Up Cadillac Dealerships All Night Long, Suckin' Down Ny Quil Stingers And Cheese. He Says, What The Hell's Lisa Marie Thinking With That Michael Jackson Crap?

Don't Buy The Toys That Make The Noise!

Not Eating Meat Is A Decision, Eating Meat Is An Instinct.

Campbell [scott] Also Directed Me In A Film With Hope Davis Called Final. That Was The First Thing We Did Together, But I've Known Him For Years.

I Like To Give The Actors Freedom To Take What We Have On The Page And Improve On It. And They Do That Quite A Bit.

In Addition To My Cousin, There Were 30 Or 40 Guys I Grew Up With Who Became Firefighters As Well. So, I've Been Around Firefighters All My Life.

I'm Praying For 'ice Age' 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 And 10. Because I Really Think We Can Run Those Characters Into The '60s, And I'm Talking The 1960s, You Know? The Civil Rights Movement. That's What I'm Praying For, Because Then I Wouldn't Have To Do Anything Else.

It's Hard To Have A Film And Television Career And Do Music Work At The Same Time.

Film And Television

It Says On The Back Of The Nyquil Box, 'may Cause Drowsiness.' It Should Say, 'don't Make Any Plans, Ok? Kiss Your Family And Friends Good-bye.'

Family And Friends

I Fell Asleep During 'year One' Twice. And My Son, Who Never Falls Asleep During A Jack Black Movie, Also Nodded Off. That's How Bad It Was. I Was Incredibly Disappointed.

I Didn't Raise My Kids With The Fear Of God.

All Men Hear Is Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Sex, Blah, Blah, Blah, Food, Blah, Blah, Blah, Beer.

I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure. I've Pretty Much Always Had Problems With Authority, Ever Since I Was A Kid. But, Yeah, It's Not Identifying, I Think It's More A Part Of My Natural Dna That I Question Anybody Who Has A Plan. Everybody's Got To Have An Angle; That's The Way I Grew Up.

The Best Thing About Series Tv Is That Everyone You Work With Is Hand-picked, As Compared To Working On A Film.

I Wanted To Get More Serialized. I Had This Idea For An Event That Would Click Onto Everybody's Mortality. I Said, "i Want Somebody To Die." Fortunately For Me, When I Was Toying With That Idea, John Landgraf, Who's The Head Of Fx But Also A Very Smart Executive, Came Up With The Idea Of The Ashes In The Maracas. He Called Me Up And Said, "listen, What About This, They Get The Ashes In A Box And When They Get Them, They Shake Them And They Sound Like Maracas." And I Was Like, "okay, Now I've Got My Throughline."

I Love To Smoke. I Smoke Seven Thousand Packs A Day!

I'm Not Saying Being A Comedian Is Brain Surgery, But It Is Definitely - It's Like Being A Carpenter. You Learn How To Make Tables And Chairs. You Have To Have The Right Tools, And You Have To Know How To Put The Thing Together, Right?

Tables And Chairs

Most People Think, "life Sucks, And Then You Die." I Disagree. I Think Life Sucks. Then You Get Cancer. Then You Go Into Chemotherapy. You Lose All Your Hair, You Feel Bad About Yourself. Then All Of The Sudden The Cancer Goes Into Remission, And Then All Of The Sudden You Have A Stroke. You Can't Move Your Right Side. And Then, Maybe, You Die.

Nobody Can Make More Fun Of Me Than I Already Make Of Myself.

I'm A Lapsed Catholic In The Best Sense Of The Word.

I Really, Really Like 'eastbound & Down.' It's One Of The Few Things That Makes Me Laugh.

What Firefighters, And People In Our Military And Cops Do Is Separate From What The Rest Of Us Do, Basically These People Say "i'm Going To Protect All These Strangers."

When I Was Doing Standup, I Always Wanted To Get Out Of The Standup World And Take It Back Into The Theatrical World, Like With "no Cure For Cancer."

My Career Plan At This Point Is 'ice Age 5' Through '10,' And Even '12,' And 'spider Man' - You Know, Basically I'd Be Emma Stone's Dad For The Rest Of My Career. I Really Don't Have Any Problem Doing That.

The Second Season Is Generally Easier Do Because You Know The Actors Better And They Know The Characters Better And If Everybody Likes Each Other You Can Really Go All Types Of Places.

There's A Method Aspect To Campbell Scott Character And He Really Wants To Get Into His Character And He Wants To Cast To Go On A Fast So That By The Time The Play Opens Nobody's Eaten In Three Days Because He Wants The Audience To Feel The Pain From The Stage.

I'm Not Really A Spider-man Fan. I'm More Of A Batman Guy.

Usually When You Watch A Film, You're Just Sort Of Biting Your Nails About Things You Could Have Done Differently.

My Wife And I Were Poor When I Started But We Struggled Along Until Things Happened For Me In My Thirties. I Knew I Was Doing What I Loved Even If I Wasn't Getting Paid For It, So I Think I'd Still Be Doing It.

I'd Love To Play In A Red Sox Game. It Would Be So Awesome To Actually Walk Out On The Field And Play, Just For One Inning. I'd Also Steal Everything I Could Get My Hands On In The Clubhouse, Which Is Why They Won't Let Me Do It.

I Had A Relationship With An Italian Chick That Was Built On Just Fighting And Sex. As Much As All Women Won't Let Go Of Stuff, Italian Girls Won't Let Go Of Anything. And She Punched Really Hard. I Got Tired Of The Arguing It Took To Get To The Sex.

I Remember 9/11; We Had 'comics Come Home' About A Month After Those Events. That Night, Even The Comedians Were Concerned. Would The Audience Be Ready To Laugh? It Was A Release For Everyone.

You Get To A Certain Point, Especially If You're A Comedian, Where People Think Certain Things. It's Like, I Don't Take The Time To Explain It To People, It's Just Part Of What I Do.

I'm The Enemy. Because I Like To Think, I Like To Read. I'm Into Freedom Of Speech, The Freedom Of Choice. I'm The Kind Of Guy Who Likes To Sit In A Greasy Spoon And Wonder - "gee, Should I Have The T-bone Steak Or The Jumbo Rack Of Bbq Ribs With The Side Order Of Gravy Fries?" I Want High Cholesterol. I Wanna Eat Bacon And Butter And Buskets Of Cheese, Okay? I Wanna Smoke A Cuban Cigar The Size Of Cincinnati In The Non-smoking Section. I Wanna Run Through The Streets Naked With Green Jell-o All Over My Body Reading Playboy Magazine. Why? Because I Suddenly Might Feel The Need To, Okay, Pal?

It Would Be Great If Firefighters Across The Country Had The Guarantee That They Would Be Making Enough Money To Support Their Family Right From The Get-go, But That's Not The Case.

Guarantees That

Stand-up Comedy And Comedy In General Is The Ultimate Form Of Free Speech, Because You Get To Poke Holes In All The Pretentious Bubbles Politicians And Pundits And Popes And Pretenders Try To Float Over Our Heads.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

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Isaac Bashevis Singer

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