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The Nazi Signs Have Got To Stop. If You're In A Peace March And The Guy Next To You Has A Sign Saying That 'bush Is Hitler,' Forget The Peace Thing For A Second And Beat His Ass, Because He Is Not Hitler.

-Dennis Miller

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The Nazi Signs Have

Dennis Miller

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The Nazi Signs Have Got To Stop. If You're In A Peace March And The Guy Next To You Has A Sign Saying That 'bush Is Hitler,' Forget The Peace Thing For A Second And Beat His Ass, Because He Is Not Hitler.

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The Nazi Signs Have Got To Stop. If You're In A Peace March And The Guy Next To You Has A Sign Saying That 'bush Is Hitler,' Forget The Peace Thing For A Second And Beat His Ass, Because He Is Not Hitler.

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American Education System

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If I Had Wanted To Ice The Little Toad, I Would Have Done It A Long Time Ago.

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Any Time Your Parent Says They Party With You, That Is Its Own Form Of Child Abuse.

Two Wrongs May Not Make A Right, But A Thousand Wrongs Make A Writer.

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Here In Hollywood You Can Actually Get A Marriage License Printed On An Etch-a-sketch.

If I Want Low-impact Aerobics, I'll Masturbate. If I Want High-impact Aerobics, I'll Masturbate Again.

There's No More Delicious Irony On The Face Of The Earth Than Environmental Protesters Being Led Away In Plastic Handcuffs That Have A Biodegradability Horizon Line Of, Like, 40,000 Years.

Childbirth Is A Wonderful Thing, But The Reality Is That It Can Dramatically Change A Woman's Body. Sui Occurs When The Vaginal Wall Weakens And Cannot Provide Adequate Support To The Urethra, Thus Causing Leaking. The Good News Is That Women With Sui Have Many Different Treatment Options Available To Them.

What Do You Expect From A Culture And A Nation That Exerted More Of Its National Will Fighting Against Disney World And Big Macs Than The Nazis?

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I Love This Country For Several Reasons, Not The Least Of Which Is That I Know I'm Allowed To Hate It If I Want To.

The Democrats Continue To Snipe At Bush. They'll Never Give It Up To Him. You Know Teddy Kennedy And Tom Daschle Pick More Nits Than A Father And Son Spider Monkey Team Who Know They're Being Followed By A National Geographic Film Crew.

Forbes Magazine Has Named Mel Gibson This Year's Most Powerful Celebrity. ... Forbes' Least Powerful Celebrity? [miller Displayed The Widely Circulated Image From The Lynndie England Photographs Of A Hooded Iraqi Prisoner With Wires Attached To His Outstretched Arms] You're Looking At Him. Screw This Guy. ... [he's A] Bad Guy.

The American Auto Industry Is Blowing Up Like A 1976 Ford Pinto.

Of *course* He Needs To Renegotiate His Salary - The Guy Buys More Snow Than Seward Did When He Bought Alaska From The Russians.

That Kid's Got An Arm Like Uncle Fester At An Exhibition Of Pre-colombian... Um, Christ, I Lost It. I Was Going For Something Thick. So What's With The Beard, Grizzly Fouts?

I Am Proof That Einstein's "e Equals M C Squared" Is Wrong. My Mass Has Increased, But My Energy Has Dropped.

Then People Ask Me If I'm Worried About The Effects Of Global Warming On My Kids. Well, Obviously I Love My Kids And I Want Them To Live To Be A 100. So That's Another 1.8. My Kids' Kids? Three Point Six. I'll Just Tell Them We Moved To Phoenix.

The Radical Right Is So Homophobic That They're Blaming Global Warming On The Aids Quilt.

Most Americans Will Let Liberals And Conservatives Play Their Games Because Most Americans Don't Pay Attention.

Pat Buchanan Is So Homo-phobic, He Blames Global Warming On The Aids Quilt.

America Was Founded By Puritans And Like It Or Not The Anti-pleasure Dogma Of Those Buckled-shoed Killjoys Still Pervades Our Collective Unconscious Like An I-max Shot Of Dennis Franz's Naked Hairy Cop Ass. Hence, Anything Enjoyable Is Automatically Forbidden And Bad And In Our Panic To Avoid It At All Cost We Become Obsessed With It... Like Dressing Up In A Pink Teddy And A Pair Of Ugboots And Repeatedly Screaming The Word 'verboten!' Into A Conk Shell Balanced On The Back On A Miniature Pony... Oh, I See.. That Would Just Be Me.

Collective Unconscious

The French Are Always Reticent To Surrender To The Wishes Of Their Friends And Always More Than Willing To Surrender To The Wishes Of Their Enemies.

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