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So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

-Eoin Colfer

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So If You're Not

Eoin Colfer

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So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

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A Pity To Survive Night Flights Over St. Georges Channel Only To Crack My Skull Falling From A Ladder.

Genius Inspires Resentment. A Sad Fact Of Life.

Confidence Is Ignorance. If You're Feeling Cocky, It's Because There's Something You Don't Know.

Foaly Twitched His Tail Contentedly. Genius. No Point In Being Humble About It.

I'm On My Feet, Pacing Around The Room, Punching A Fist Into My Palm, Which I Stop Doing When I Realise How Drama Queen It Feels.

You Know, Miss Holly, You Look Very Dramatic Like That, Backlit By The Fire. Very Attractive, If I May Say So. I Know You Shared A Moment Passionne With Artemis Which He Subsequently Fouled Up With His Typical Boorish Behavior. Let Me Just Throw Something Out There For You To Consider While We're Chasing The Probe: I Share Artemis's Passion But Not His Boorishness. No Pressure; Just Think About It. This Was Enough To Elicit A Deafening Moment Of Silence Even In The Middle Of A Crisis, Which Orion Seemed To Be Blissfully Unaffected By.

Very Well. I Understand. Just ... Shut Up!

And I Will Not Be Beaten By That Jackass." "jackass?" Said Foaly, Wounded. "my Favorite Uncle Is A Jackass.

Who Are You?" He Asked. I Am The Future Queen Of This World, At The Very Least. You May Refer To Me As Mistress Koboi For The Next Five Minutes. After That You May Refer To Me As Aaaaarrrrgh, Hold Your Throat, Die Screaming, And So On.

Stay Back, Human. You Don't Know What You're Dealing With.

Meg And Belch Only Had Eyes For Each Other. Not In The Usual Romantic Sense.

Of Course I Saved You," She Said. "i Couldn't Do Without You." And Because She Was Happy And Flushed With Magic Holly Leaned Down And Kissed Artemis, Magic Sparking Around The Contact Like Tiny Fireworks.

Artemis: How Long Will It Take You To Prepare The Time Spell? N1 Chewed His Knuckle: About As Long As It Takes You To Take Your Clothes Off. "aaarrk," Artemis Half Choked.

I Can Grow Cameras!" She Had Shrieked At The Brill Brothers During One Briefing. "who's To Say That Despicable Centaur Foaly Hasn't Succeded In Splicing Surveillance Equiptment To Plants? So Get Rid Of All The Flowers. Rocks, Too. I Don't Trust Them. Sullen Little Blebers.

(about Dr. Po) Just Another Quack Spouting Psychobabble.

Ma Was Using Her For-company Voice. Sweet On The Outside But With An Underlying Death Threat.

Benny Was Awake Again. Happened Every Morning.

Most Craft Give A Nod, However Brief And Unfriendly, Towards Beauty. Vogon Ships Did Not Nod Towards Beauty. They Pulled On Ski Masks And Mugged Beauty In A Dark Alley They Spat In The Eye Of Beauty And Bludgeoned Their Wait Through The Notions Of Aesthetics And Aerodynamics. Vogon Cruisers Did Not So Much Travel Through Space As Defile It And Toss It Aside.

Oh, I'm Crazy All Right. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses. Multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

Connor Broekhart Was Born To Fly, Or More Accurately He Was Born Flying.

Holly: Are You Suggesting I Occasionally Stray From The Rule Book? Foaly: No. I'm Suggesting You Do Not Own A Copy Of The Rule Book, And If You Do, You Have Certainly Never Opened It.

Really, I'm Trying To Care, Artemis, Really. But I Thought It Was All Supposed To Be Over When The Fat Lady Sings. Well, She's Singing, But It Doesn't Appear To Be Over

Together We Will Be Unstoppable.

We Get An Apartment Together, And After A Whirlwind Courtship You Marry My Sister And Honeymoon In Vegas.

Orion Nodded, Then Asked, “dwarf Cheese?” “cheese Made By Dwarfs.” “oh,” Said Orion, Relieved. “they Make It. It’s Not Actually . . .” “no. What A Horrible Thought.” “exactly.

I Don't Suppose You Would Consider Peaceful Surrender?

Evolution Is A Theory With More Holes Than A Dutch Dam Of Swiss Cheese.

I'm The Crazy Girly Captain, Remember?

Yes, Chix, It's Between Us. Everyone Has A Right To Be Temporarily Unstable. - Foaly

Inside The Mirrored Elevator, Mulch Used A Telescopic Pointer To Push P For The Penthouse. For The First Few Months He Had Jumped To Reach The Button, But That Was Undignified Behavior For A Millionaire. And Besides, He Was Certain That Art Could Hear The Thumping From The Security Desk.

If Elmore Leonard Met Jim Thompson Down A Dark Alley At Midnight They Might Emerge A Week Later With Thick Beards, Bloodshot Eyes And The Manuscript For The Big O.

(text Message) Cmdr Root. Trble Below. Havn Ovrrn By Goblins. Plce Plaza Srrounded. Cudgeon + Opl Kboi Bhnd Plot. No Wpons Or Cmmunications. Dna Cnons Cntrlled By Kboi. I M Trpped In Op Bth. Cncl Thnks Im 2 Blm. If Alive Plse Hlp. If Not, Wrng Nmbr.

I Wear A Name Tag To Help People Find Me. It Saves Time When You're Dealing With Idiots.

Have You Ever Heard Of The Theory Of Relativity?" Artemis Blinked. "is This A Joke? I Have Traveled Through Time, Doctor. I Think I Know A Little Something About Relativity.

Wait," Said Butler. "just Wait, Holly. Artemis Has A Plan." He Squinted Through The Green Dome. "what Is Your Plan, Artemis?" All Artemis Could Do Was Smile And Shrug.

Quickly, Holly," Said Artemis Urgently. "follow Those Bubbles." Holly Opened The Throttle. "now There's An Order I Never Thought I'd Hear From You.

"i Live For Agressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily, Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn Round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wondered Foaly. "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

There Were Only Two Men On The Planet Better Educated In The Various Martial Arts Than Butler, And He Was Related To One Of Them. The Other Lived On An Island In The South China Sea, And Spent His Days Meditating And Beating Up Palm Trees. You Had To Feel Sorry For The B'wa Kell.

So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

Sig Sauer. Nine Millimetres. Thirteen In The Magazine. Big Bullets. One Of These Hits You And It Could Blow Your Head Off; Something Even The Magic Can't Fix. Other Than That You Should Be All Right, Presuming You Remembered To Wear The Regulation Above-ground Micro-fibre Jumpsuit Recently Patented By Me. Then Again, Being A Recon Jock, You Probably Didn't.

Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers

The Craft's Occupants Clutched Their Armrests, And More Than One Of Them Closed Their Eyes. But Not Artemis. He Couldn't. There Was Something Morbidly Fascinating About Flying Into An Uncharted Tunnel At A Reckless Speed With Only A Kleptomaniac Dwarf's Word For What Lay At The Other End.

It Took Teams Of Lep Warlocks To Slow Down Time For A Few Hours; The Magic Required To Open A Door To The Tunnel Was Stupendous. It Would Be Easier To Shoot Down The Moon. Opal Tapped This Into Her Notepad. Reminder. Shoot Down The Moon? Viable?

How Does She Know It's The Right Room?' Wondered Descant. Oh, I Don't Know; Mabye It's The Magical Red Glow Coming From The Doorway, Or Perhaps It's The Deafening Howl Of The Temporal Winds.' Said Mervall. Descant Nodded.'you Could Be Right, Brother. And Don't Think I Don't Know Sarcasm When I Hear It.

But Even Though There Were Plenty Of Teeth In The Grin, There Was No Heart.

I Am So Sick Of You Smart Kids. Why Can't You Just Boost Cars Or Steal Stuff Like Normal Kids?' 'we Do Steal Stuff. Just Bigger Stuff.

What Many People Don't Know About 'peter Pan' Is That It's A Very Violent Book And Hook Is One Of The Most Finely Observed Villains Ever.

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This Is A Sensitive Area. For All You Know I Could Be Suffering From Depression. Doctor Po: I Suppose You Could. Is That The Case? Artemis: (head In Hands) It's My Mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My Mother, She... Doctor Po: Your Mother, Yes? Artemis: She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy When The School's So-called Counsellors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees.

Hit That Back-stabber Where It Hurts, Right In The Ambition.

Let Us Proceed Under The Assumption That The Fairy Folk Do Exist, And That I Am Not A Gibbering Moron.

She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy, When The So-called Counselors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees. -artemis Fowl

Tea? At The Beach? No Time For Luxuries, Holly. There Is Important Work To Be Done.” He Winked At Butler. “are You Sure You’re At The Library? I Thought I Heard Water.” Artemis Smiled, Enjoying The Exchange. “water? Surely Not. The Only Thing Flowing Here Is Information.” “are You Grinning, Artemis? For Some Reason I Get The Feeling That You’re Wearing That Smug Smile Of Yours.

Holly Winked. 'do I Look Like A Fly Boy To You, Fowl?' Artemis Had To Admit That She Didn't. Captain Short Was Extremely Pretty In A Dangerous Sort Of Way. Black-widow Pretty. Artemis Was Expecting Puberty To Hit In Approximately Eight Months, And He Suspected That At That Point He Would Look At Holly In A Different Light. It Was Probably Just As Well That She Was Eighty Years Old.

Victor Vigny: It Is Like The Old Fairy Tale. The Boy Saves The Princess; They Fall In Love. He Invents A Flying Machine - Along With His Dashing Teacher, Of Course. They Get Married And Name Thier Firstborn After The Aforementioned Dashing Teacher. Conor: I Don't Recall That Fairy Tale From The Nursery. Victor Vigny: Trust Me, It's A Classic.

Falling In Love

Control Puberty?" Snorted The Bodyguard."if You Manage That, You'll Be The First.

Holly Is Alive,' Thought Foaly 'my Princess Lives,'exulted Orion. 'and We're Chasing A Dragon

You Display Inordinate Pride For Someone Who Has Completed A Task Which Could Have Been Performed By A Lesser Primate In A Shorter Time.

Of Course. Opal Is Toying With Our Emotions For Her Own Gratification. Nothing More. She Wishes To Place Herself In A Position Of Power, Emotionally.

Position Of Power

Holly, Do You Trust Me?” Holly Groaned. “artemis, Don’t Ask Me That. I Just Know One Of Your Outrageous Plans Is Coming.” “do You Trust Me?” “yes,” Holly Sighed. “i Do. More Than Anyone.

That Was All He Said, Except For "aaaeerrgghhh." Which Is Not Really A Word. But The Reason That He Screamed "aaaeerrgghhh" Was That Franco Had Bitten Him Savegly On The Wrist.

I Can't Imagine What They're Planning. But I Can Tell You Two Things. We Won't Like It, And It Won't Be Legal.

Mulch's Tongue Lolled Out, Resting On The Centaur's Neck. "mmm," He Mumbled Around His Tongue. "horse. Tasty" "let's Go," Said Foaly Nervously. "let's Go Right Now.

Certainly, Doctor. Let's Talk About Your Chair. Victorian?

So, What Did You Get For Me?" Angeline Paused For A Beat. "jeans." "what?" Croaked Artemis. "and A T-shirt.

Why Can't I Solve This Problem By Killing Someone? She Though Petulantly, Then Comforted Herself With The Mantra That Had Kept Her Going In Prison: "soon All The Humans Will Be Dead," She Said, Droning In The Time-honored Fashion Of Gurus Everywhere. "and Then Opal Will Be Loved." And Even If I'm Not Loved, She Thought, At Least All The Humans Will Be Dead.

Killing Someone

Artemis: "right, Brothers. Onward. Imagine Yourself Seated At A Cafe In Montmartre." Myles: "in Paris." Artemis: "yes, Paris. And Try As You Will, You Cannot Attract The Waiter's Attention. What Do You Do?" Beckett: "umm...tell Butler To Jump-jump-jump On His Head?" Myles: "i Agree With Simple-toon." Artemis: "no! You Simply Raise One Finger And Say Clearly 'ici, Garcon.'" Beckett: "itchy What?

Good. Illegal Is Always Faster.

A Fifeteen-year Old, Of To Save The World, With Faries. - Angeline Fowl

Artemis Fowl Grinned Right Back At Him And Pointed His Index Finger To The Sky... From The Tip Of This Finger Sprang A Small Blue Spark That Exploded Like A Tiny Firework. “i Know Magic Can Be Stolen,” Said Artemis. “because I Stole Some Myself.

Everything Rests On The Poisoned Wine. If It Were Just The Queen, I Could Force It Down Her Gullet, But Declan Broekhart Would Run Me Through With That Damned Ceremonial Sword, And If His Wife's Stares Were Daggers, He'd Be Dead Already.

Yes. Because Every Family Needs A Laser For Thier Family Jet.

Maybe I’ll Keep You.” Abbot Chuckled And Prodded Artemis’s Back With His Sword. “it’d Be Nice To Have A Pet Human Around. I Could Teach You Tricks.” “i Have A Trick For You,” Said Artemis, And He Fired A Single Blast From The Gun.

The Thing About Reading Is That If You Are Hooked, You're Not Going To Stop Just Because One Series Is Over; You're Going To Go And Find Something Else.

There’s Always Time For Babbling.

Will You Miss Him Holly?” He Asked Suddenly. [...] “no,” She Said. “i Will Not Miss Him.” But Her Eyes Told The Real Story.

Friendship Isn't A Science Mudboy. Just Do What You Think Is Right.

I Have To Tell You, Arty, A Screw Up This Early In The Proceedings Doesn't Exactly Fill Me With Confidence. I Hope You're As Clever As You Keep Telling Everyone You Are." "i Never Tell Anybody Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

The Next Minute Or So Was Spent Howling On The Ceiling . Imp No.1 Joined In, But He Wasn't Really Feeling It. It Shouldn't Be "who Do We Hate?", He Thought, It Really Should Be "whom", But This Probably Wasn't A Good Time To Bring That Up.

I Am Charging You With The Protection Of My Mother And Friends, Not To Mention Keeping My Younger Self Off The Internet. He Is As Dangerous As Opal.

Scientists Are The Enemies Of Tradition , And Tradition Own All The Prisons. - Victor Vigny

If It Looks Like A Dwarf, And It Smells Like A Dwarf, Then It's Probably A Dwarf Or A Latrine Wearing Dungerees.

We're Being Lead By An Idiot With A Crayon.

Artemis Ducked. Cudgeon Didn't. Guess What? Artemis Was Smarter.

Who Or What Inspires You?" "i Must Admit That I Often Read My Own Articles In Scientific Journals And Inspire Myself.

I Feel Like Alice Falling Into Wonderland. A Line Came To Him: It Would Be So Nice If Something Made Sense For A Change.

A Monkey Glances Up And Sees A Banana, And That's As Far As He Looks. A Visionary Looks Up And Sees The Moon.

I Bet," Said Mulch, "that You Would Set The World On Fire Just To Watch It Burn." Opal Tapped The Suggestion Into A Small Electronic Notepad On Her Pocket Computer. Thanks For That. Now, Tell Me Everything.

Remember This? You Gave It To Me For Ensuring Your Trigger Finger Got Reattached To Your Hand. You Said It Would Remind Me Of That Spark Of Decency Inside Me. I'm Trying To Do Something Decent Now, Captain.

You Wouldn't Know A Clue If It Danced In Front Of You With A T-shirt That Read 'i'm A Clue

Too Much Damned Tv. Thinks He's Sherlock Holmes." "that's Professor Moriarty," Corrected Foaly. "holmes, Moriarty, They Both Look The Same With The Flesh Scorched Off Their Skulls.

Is That How You're Going To Take Me? Scare Me Into Voluntarily Coming Aboard, Then Steal My Ice Cube?" "it's Always Cubes With You," Noted Foaly, Somewhat Randomly. "what's Wrong With A Nice Sphere?

In Spite Of What Youngsters Think, Parents Do Not Get A Sneaky Thrill Out Of Punishing Their Children.

No, I Don't Think You Understand Just How Stupid Goblins Are. Let Me Give You An Example. One Of The B'wa Kell Generals, And This Is Their Top Fairy, Was Caught Caught Trying To Pass Off Forged Credit Slips By Signing His Own Name.

A Cloak Of Invisibility? This Is A Highly Sensitive Piece Of Field Equipment. What Does He Think? Some Warlock Pulled It Out Of His Armpit?

Knock Yourself Out... Or Rather, Don't.

If Things Go Badly For Me Tonight, I Want You To Stay With Mr. Wynter; He Will Pay You A Decent Wage.” “will He Make Me Bathe?” “no, He Will Debate The Matter With You Until You Decide To Wash.” “ah. One Of Those.

Waitress: "and To Drink?" Artemis: "spring Water. Irish, If You Have It. And No Ice, Please. As Your Ice Is No Doubt Made From Tap Water, Which Rather Defeats The Purpose Of Spring Water.

This Was A Nightmare Scenario For Any Bodyguard: Stuck In The Middle Of A Transparent Tube, Several Miles Underwater, With A Murdering Band Of Fugitives At One End And An Enthralled But Still Highly Skilled Police Officer At The Other.

Caballine Likes Me To Be Masterful. She Calls Me Her Stallion.

Argh? Pathetic And Inarticulate. Nice Combination. Your Mothers Must Be So Proud.

I Have No Time For Babbling Foolishness.” “don’t Be So Hasty,” Said Victor. “there’s Always Time For Babbling.

Excuse Me, Captain. Are You Two Going To Weep Salty Tears Of Admiration Over A Helmet All Night, Or Do We Have Matters To Discuss?

A Cd. How Quaint. We Have These In Museums.

I Don't Like Lollipops.

Are You Saying That You People Knew About These Amorophobots All The Time?" "of Course We Did. They Attacked Us In Iceland. Remember?" "no. I Was Unconscious.

Ignorance, As They Say, Is Usually Fatal, But Sometimes It Can Be Bliss.

It Would Take Less Than A Second For You To Die. But That's Quite Long Enough To Be In Mortal Agony, Don't You Think?

Nobody's Death Is Impending." ..."well Technically Everyone's Death Is Impending.

Thankfully The Rest Of The World Assumed That The Irish Were Crazy, A Theory That The Irish Themselves Did Nothing To Debunk. They Had Somehow Got It Into Their Heads That Each Fairy Lugged Around A Pot Of Gold With Him Wherever He Went. While It Was True That Lep Had A Ransom Fund, Because Of Its Officers' High-risk Occupation, No Human Had Ever Taken A Chunk Of It Yet. This Didn't Stop The Irish Population In General From Skulking Around Rainbows, Hoping To Win The Supernatural Lottery.

So, Let's Make A Deal: If You Do Not Voice All The Withering Comments About The Weight Or Uselessness Of This Jacket That Are No Doubt Swirling In That Big Brain Of Yours, Then I Will Not Mention The Super-laser Episode Again. Agreed?" This Jacket Is Really Cutting Into My Shoulders, Thought Artemis. And It's So Heavy That I Could Not Outrun A Slug. But He Said, "agreed.

Boo-hoo. Help Me, I'm A Girl. What Kind Of Modern Woman Are You? A Smart One.

Don’t Feel Bad; I Regularly Reduce People To Unintelligible Stammers.

Play Along, The Wink Said. I'll Get You Out Of This. At Least Artemis Hoped This Was What His Wink Communicated And Not Something Like 'any Chance Of Another Kiss Later?

Well, I Don't Like The First Bit And I Don't Know The Last Bit. So I'm Really Hoping The Middle Bit Is Exceptional.

Holly Walked Rapidly Into The Cockpit, Strapping Herself Into The Pilot's Chair. "seven And A Half Hours To Save The World. Isn’t There Some Law That Says We Get At Least Twenty-four?" Artemis Strapped Himself Into The Co-pilot's Chair. "i Don't Think Opal Bothers With Laws.

As A Child, Zaphod Had Been Diagnosed With Adhddaaadhd (ntm) Abt Which Stood For Always Dreaming His Dopey Days Away, Also Attention Deficit Hyperflactulance Disorder (not To Mention) A Bit Thick.

...hardly. A Ragged Apron Does Not A Waiter Make.

I Did What All Good Iriah Dads Do When Faced With A Worthy Adversary..i Said Ask Your Mother!!

No Alcohol, Riley." She Nodded At The Screen. "how Are You Liking The Twenty-first Century?" Riley Burped. "the Take That Are Most Melodic. And God Bless Harry Potter Is All I Can Say. If Not For Him, All Of London Would Have Been Consumed By The Dark Arts.

Red Was Smiling Back At Me. "ok. I'm Not In Trouble. But Tell Me Your Heart Didn't Start Beating For The First Time In A Month." I Couldn't Deny It. So I Didn't.

Holly Died Without A Friend To Hold Her Hand. Artemis Felt Her Go, Another Gift Of The Magic. He Kept On Counting, Brushing Away The Tears On His Cheeks.

Radomosity, Thought Artemis. And He Felt Like Weeping.

No, Mademoiselle, I Would Not Like To See The Children's Menu. I Have No Doubt That The Children's Menu Itself Tastes Better Than The Meals On It. I Would Like To Order à La Carte. Or Don't You Serve Fish To Minors?

Grab Some Caviar From The Kitchen. You Wouldn't Believe The Muck They Feed Us In Bartleby's For Ten Thousand A Term.

Chief Of Security : They Have A Tank! How Did They Get A Tank Up Here?

Don't Hate Me Forever, Arty," Whispered Holly. "i Couldn't Bear That.

Hilarious, Dude. You Should, Like, Have Your Own Show.

I Do Like To Read In Bed, But Because I Have Two Kids I'm Often Forced To Read In The Bathroom.

Careful, Mr. Spiro, Guns Are Dangerous. Especially The End With The Hole.

Ah, My Princess. Noble Steed. How Does The Morning Find You Both?

Trust Me. I'm A Genius.

Everyone Says That I Have No Sense Of Humor, Then I Construct A Perfectly Sound Pun Around A Well-known Psychological Condition, And It Is Ignored.

The Name's Bond. James Omar Bond.

I Am Butler. Anything I Say Sounds Scary.

Other Men Look Up And Down, Left And Right; But Men Like Us Are Different. We Are Visionaries.

How Was Your... Eh... Trip?" Artemis Felt The Sting Of Tears In His Own Eyes. "um, Eventful.

Hey, Look Your Girlfriend Is Saying Something. Artemis Had A Vast Mental Reserve Of Scathing Comebacks At His Disposal, But None Of Them Covered Girlfriend Insults. He Wasn't Even Sure If It Was An Insult. And If It Was, Who Was Being Insulted? Him Or The Girl?

Let's Save Some Time Here. I Grow Weary Of Your Clumsy Bluffs. In The Case Of An Abduction, The Lep Will Send A Crack Retrieval Team To Get Back What Has Been Lost.. You Have Done So. Excuse Me While I Titter. Crack Team? Honestly. A Cub-scout Patrol Armed With Water Pistols Could Have Defeated Them.

There Is Always A Use For Everything, Victor Had Told Him. Even Pain.

Butler,” He Called, His Voice Thin And Childlike In The Wind. “yes, Artemis, What?” “if Something Goes Wrong, Wait For Me. No Matter How It Looks, I Will Return. I Will Bring Them All Back.

It's Like Learning To Ride A Unicorn. You Never Forget.

The Humans Were Protecting Their Heritage, Or So They Thought. Strange That Mud Men Seem More Concerned About The Past Than The Present.

We Lost The Crickets.

The Sarcasm Made A Slight Whistling Noise As It Flew Over Loafers' Head.

Look!" Said Foaly, Pointing With Some Urgency Into The Vast Steel-gray Gloom, "someone Who Cares!

Her Glare Was So Intense That You Completely Forgot She Was Wearing Pink.

Sounded Like Girls. Mixed Feelings On That Score. He Didn't Despise Them With The Same Passion He Used To. In Fact, Benny Suspected That There Would Come A Time In The Not-too-distant Future When He Might Develop A Mysterious Interest In Them.

Holly Clambered After Him, Struggling Up The Human-size Steps. "wait! Just Wait," She Called, Overtaking Artemis And Looking Him In The Eye From One Step Up. "i Know You, Artemis. You Like To Play Your Genius Card Close To Your Chest Until The Big Reveal. And That's Worked Out For Us So Far. But This Time You Need To Let Me In. I Can Help. So, Tell Me The Truth, Do You Have A Plan?" Artemis Met His Friend's Gaze And Lied To Her Face. "no," He Said. "no Plan.

Sometimes Plans Don't Translate Smoothly From Paper To Real Life.

Artemis Turned And Stared At His Friend With The Blue Eyes. Holly Was Staring Back, And She Was Smiling. “i Remember,” She Said Aloud. “you Saved Me.” Artemis Smiled Back. “it Never Happened,” He Said.

I Want You To Know, My Dear Friend, That Without You, I Would Not Be The Person I Am Today." He Leaned In Close And Whispered, "i Was A Broken Boy, And You Fixed Me. Thank You.

Artemis Looked At Holly And Felt A Tremendous Affection For Her... He Could Properly Appreciate How Fierce And Beautiful His Best Friend Was... She Is Truly Magical, Thought Artemis. Perhaps Her Qualities Are More Obvious To Me Now That I Have Decided To Sacrifice Myself.

No Matter What Dimension You're In, There's A Big-headed Male Trying To Take Over The World.

That’s What I Thought. When I Looked That Human In The Face. I Figured He Was Either A Genius Or Crazy.” Artemis’s Cool Eyes Glared At Them From The Screen. “so Which Is It?” Asked Foaly. “a Genius Or Crazy?” Root Grabbed His Tri-barreled Blaster From The Gun Rack. “what’s The Difference?

There Will Be Consequences For This, He Thought. You Can't Alter Time And Not Be Affected. But Whatever The Consequences Are, I Will Bear Them, Because The Alternative Is Too Terrible. -artemis Fowl, The Lost Colony

(to Foaly) Captain Short's Life Is In Danger, So Push The Button Before I Climb That Tower And Push It With Your Face!

They Have Gone. And The Tunnel Is About To Close. So, Boys, I Am Looking For Someone To Blame.

Remember The Pain?' Thought Artemis. I Hate Myself. I Really Do.

I'm Lep. A Captain. No Rent-a-cop Gnome Is Going To Stand In The Way Of My Orders.

...to Be Injured On This Tundra Would Lead To A Quick And Painful Death—or At The Very Least Abject Humiliation Before The Popping Flashes Of The Tourist Season's Tail End, Which Was Slightly Less Painful Than A Painful Death, But Lasted Longer.

Artemis Felt Like He Was Six Again And Caught Hacking The School Computers Trying To Make The Test Questions Harder

My Truffles? You Took Them? That's Just Mean!

Trust Me. I Haven't Been Wrong Yet.

Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

People Like Me, Lb, The Truly Great Ones ... We Are Always Alone.

I Waved My Hand In Front Of My Face, Obi-wan Style. "i Am Not Here." Niall's Mucas Glands Kicked Into Overdrive. "eoin's Dead! And His Ghost Is Standing Right There On The Grass!" Donal Let Out A Long Suffering Sigh. "eoin Is Being A Writer." Niall Calmed Down, Becuase Everyone Knows Writers Are Weird And Are Always Doing Stupid Thingss.

The Miracle Of Modern Science. The Lep Pours Millions Into Your Department, Foaly, And All You Can Do Is Send Mud Boys To The Toilet.

Just What We Need," Moaned Holly. "artemis Fowl With Magical Powers.

Humans Have A Saying That "beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder", Which Basically Means That If You Think It's Beautiful, Then It Is Beautiful. The Elfin Version Of This Saying Was Composed By The Great Poet B.o Selecta, Who Said "even The Plainest Of The Plain Shall Deign To Reign", Which Critics Have Always Thought Was A Bit Rhymey. The Dwarf Version Of This Maxim Is "if It Don't Stink, Marry It", Which Is Slightly Less Romantic, But The General Gist Is The Same.

The Theory Of Evolution Has More Holes In It Than A Dam Made Out Of Swiss Cheese.

Theory Of Evolution

Can We Please Focus? We Are Supposed To Be Professionals." Holly Said. "not Me!" Said Orion Cheerily, "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild And May I Say, Young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction.

(about His Terrible Attempt At Making A Sandwich) It's More Difficult Than It Looks. (artemis Fowl)

How Did That Go?’ He Asked. ‘your First Lengthy Conversation With A Girl Your Own Age?’ ‘fabulous,’ Said Artemis, Voice Dripping With Sarcasm. ‘we’re Planning A June Wedding.

Don't You Worry About That, Mr. Adamsson. Why Don't You Head Back To Reykjavik And Spend Some Of That Extortionate Fee You Charged Me For A Couple Of Hours' Usage Of Your Frankly Third-rate Restaurant And Perhaps Find A Friendless Tree Stump To Listen To Your Woes?

Onscreen, Foaly Rubbed His Eyelids With His Index Fingers. "yeah, Yeah. Here We Go. Captain Short Goes Rogue Once More. Hands Up Who's Surprised. Anyone?

Not Me," Said Orion Cheerily. "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild. And May I Say ,young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction." Holly Lifted Her Visor And Looked The Hormonal Teenager In The Eye. "this Had Better Not Be A Game, Artemis. If You Do Not Have Some Serious Psychosis, You Will Be Sorry." "oh, I'm Crazy, Alright. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses," Said Orion Cheerily. "multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

I'm Not Threatening You. I'm Just Informing You Of Police Procedure. If You Continue To Obstruct Me, I Remove The Obstruction, In This Case You, And Proceed To The Next Command.

I Have A Lovely Office At The Back Of My House; It's An Old Stable And You Can See Right Out To The Countryside On One Side And Into The House On The Other Side.

Vinyaya Was Being Openly Antagonistic, And That Was An Emotion That Could Be Trusted, Unless Of Course It Was A Bluff And The Commander Was A Secret Fan Of His, Unless It Was A Double Bluff And She Really Did Feel Antagonistic.

...this Is The Only Way. I Will Not Allow Humans Or Fairies To Die When I Might Have Prevented It.” Butler Would Not Give Up. “listen To Yourself. You Sound Like A... Like A Good Guy! There’s Nothing In This For You.

Me," Artemis Blurted. "i'm The Nut." Artemis Could Have Sworn The Squid Winked At Him Before Bringing The Five-ton Chunk Of Spacecraft Swinging Down Toward The Morsel Of Meat In Its Blue Shell. "i'm The Nut!" Artemis Shouted Again, A Little Hysterically, It Must Be Said.

If You're Going To Read Five Books, Three Should Be Issues And Two For Fun.

He Knew That Dr. Argon Would Advise Him Against Bottling Up His Emotions As It Would Lead To Psychological Scarring In The Long Term.

Either That Boy Is The Sanest Creature On Earth, He Thought, Or He Is So Disturbed That Our Tests Cannot Even Begin To Scratch The Surface.

"that Was Horrible. Horrible. That Poor Little Guy." Pex Was Unrepentant. "yeah, Well, He Asked For It. Calling Us... All Those Things." But Buried Alive?! That's Like In That Horror Movie. Y'know The One With All The Horror." "i Think I Saw That One. With All The Words Going Up On The Screen At The End?" "yeah, That Was It. Tell You The Truth, Those Words Kinda Ruined It For Me."

When The Moment Comes, Will You Take Your Chance To Be A Hero?

Miss Me? Bet You Did ... So Would I.

Butler Could Kill You A Hundred Different Ways Without Use Of His Armoury. Though I'm Sure One Would Be Quite Sufficient.

A Metaphorical Weight Lifted From His Allegorical Chest And Artemis Fowl Felt Himself Again.

A Genius. A Criminal Mastermind. A Millionaire. And He Is Only Twelve Years Old.

Humm Humm Haaa. Rahmumm Humm Haaaa," Intoned Opal, Finishing Her Chant. "peace Be Inside Me, Tolerance All Around Me, Forgiveness In My Path. Now, Mervall, Show Me Where The Filthy Human Is So That I May Feed Him His Organs.

And It's Amazing How Much Noise People Ignoring Each Other Can Make.

Butler Was Seeing The World As It Was, Complete With L.e.p Retrival Team

Shut Up, Julius! I Mean, Quiet A Moment, Commander.

Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

Don't Try To Understand Me, Just Be Grateful That You Felt The Warmth Of Zaphod Beeblebrox's Aura On Your Wonderstruck Face.

Gold Is Power-artemis Fowl I Liked The Artemis Fowl Series Because Its About A Boy Genius

I Have Always Loved 'stig Of The Dump.' I Think Reading That Book Made Me Officially Realise That I Was A Reader.

Listen To Me, Convict. I Have Not Traveled All This Way To Listen To Your War Stories. So Shut Your Trap Before I Shut It For You. Commander Julius Root

There Is No Such Thing As A Happy Ending. Every Culture Has A Maxim That Makes This Point, While Nowhere In The Universe Is There A Single Gravestone That Reads 'he Loved Everything About His Life, Especially The Dying Bit At The End'.

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