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Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

-Eoin Colfer

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Artemis: I Am Not

Eoin Colfer

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Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

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Artemis Fowl Grinned Right Back At Him And Pointed His Index Finger To The Sky... From The Tip Of This Finger Sprang A Small Blue Spark That Exploded Like A Tiny Firework. “i Know Magic Can Be Stolen,” Said Artemis. “because I Stole Some Myself.

Don't Hate Me Forever, Arty," Whispered Holly. "i Couldn't Bear That.

The Theory Of Evolution Has More Holes In It Than A Dam Made Out Of Swiss Cheese.

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'insanity... I Like It."

Sig Sauer. Nine Millimetres. Thirteen In The Magazine. Big Bullets. One Of These Hits You And It Could Blow Your Head Off; Something Even The Magic Can't Fix. Other Than That You Should Be All Right, Presuming You Remembered To Wear The Regulation Above-ground Micro-fibre Jumpsuit Recently Patented By Me. Then Again, Being A Recon Jock, You Probably Didn't.

I Am Older And Have More Control Over My Empathy,' Said Qwan. 'that's Why I Didn't Throw Up.' And Having Said That, He Threw Up.

Who Or What Inspires You?" "i Must Admit That I Often Read My Own Articles In Scientific Journals And Inspire Myself.

As A Child, Zaphod Had Been Diagnosed With Adhddaaadhd (ntm) Abt Which Stood For Always Dreaming His Dopey Days Away, Also Attention Deficit Hyperflactulance Disorder (not To Mention) A Bit Thick.

Commander: What's That? Foaly: It's A Finger, What Does Look Like?

Why No Aggressive Action?" Foaly Squirmed In A Harness Built For Two-legged Creatures. "oh Yes, Why No Aggressive Action? How I Long For Aggressive Action." "i Live For Aggressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn 'round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wandered Foaly "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

Artemis Looked At Holly And Felt A Tremendous Affection For Her... He Could Properly Appreciate How Fierce And Beautiful His Best Friend Was... She Is Truly Magical, Thought Artemis. Perhaps Her Qualities Are More Obvious To Me Now That I Have Decided To Sacrifice Myself.

Me," Artemis Blurted. "i'm The Nut." Artemis Could Have Sworn The Squid Winked At Him Before Bringing The Five-ton Chunk Of Spacecraft Swinging Down Toward The Morsel Of Meat In Its Blue Shell. "i'm The Nut!" Artemis Shouted Again, A Little Hysterically, It Must Be Said.

Nobody's Death Is Impending." ..."well Technically Everyone's Death Is Impending.

I Am So Sick Of You Smart Kids. Why Can't You Just Boost Cars Or Steal Stuff Like Normal Kids?' 'we Do Steal Stuff. Just Bigger Stuff.

I Did What All Good Iriah Dads Do When Faced With A Worthy Adversary..i Said Ask Your Mother!!

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I Do Like To Read In Bed, But Because I Have Two Kids I'm Often Forced To Read In The Bathroom.

He Threw His Head Back And Sang, "'i Am A Centaur, Yes, A Centaur Is What I Am.' It's Not Like You To Wax, Artemis" "foaly Is Singing," Said Holly. "surely That's Illegal?

(about Dr. Po) Just Another Quack Spouting Psychobabble.

Artemis: "right, Brothers. Onward. Imagine Yourself Seated At A Cafe In Montmartre." Myles: "in Paris." Artemis: "yes, Paris. And Try As You Will, You Cannot Attract The Waiter's Attention. What Do You Do?" Beckett: "umm...tell Butler To Jump-jump-jump On His Head?" Myles: "i Agree With Simple-toon." Artemis: "no! You Simply Raise One Finger And Say Clearly 'ici, Garcon.'" Beckett: "itchy What?

That’s What I Thought. When I Looked That Human In The Face. I Figured He Was Either A Genius Or Crazy.” Artemis’s Cool Eyes Glared At Them From The Screen. “so Which Is It?” Asked Foaly. “a Genius Or Crazy?” Root Grabbed His Tri-barreled Blaster From The Gun Rack. “what’s The Difference?

Onscreen, Foaly Rubbed His Eyelids With His Index Fingers. "yeah, Yeah. Here We Go. Captain Short Goes Rogue Once More. Hands Up Who's Surprised. Anyone?

Yes, Chix, It's Between Us. Everyone Has A Right To Be Temporarily Unstable. - Foaly

Shut Up, Julius! I Mean, Quiet A Moment, Commander.

Don't Try To Understand Me, Just Be Grateful That You Felt The Warmth Of Zaphod Beeblebrox's Aura On Your Wonderstruck Face.

Artemis Felt Like He Was Six Again And Caught Hacking The School Computers Trying To Make The Test Questions Harder

Quickly, Holly," Said Artemis Urgently. "follow Those Bubbles." Holly Opened The Throttle. "now There's An Order I Never Thought I'd Hear From You.

No Alcohol, Riley." She Nodded At The Screen. "how Are You Liking The Twenty-first Century?" Riley Burped. "the Take That Are Most Melodic. And God Bless Harry Potter Is All I Can Say. If Not For Him, All Of London Would Have Been Consumed By The Dark Arts.

Orion Nodded, Then Asked, “dwarf Cheese?” “cheese Made By Dwarfs.” “oh,” Said Orion, Relieved. “they Make It. It’s Not Actually . . .” “no. What A Horrible Thought.” “exactly.

Excuse Me, Captain. Are You Two Going To Weep Salty Tears Of Admiration Over A Helmet All Night, Or Do We Have Matters To Discuss?

Tea? At The Beach? No Time For Luxuries, Holly. There Is Important Work To Be Done.” He Winked At Butler. “are You Sure You’re At The Library? I Thought I Heard Water.” Artemis Smiled, Enjoying The Exchange. “water? Surely Not. The Only Thing Flowing Here Is Information.” “are You Grinning, Artemis? For Some Reason I Get The Feeling That You’re Wearing That Smug Smile Of Yours.

I Don't Suppose You Would Consider Peaceful Surrender?

When I Went To School, I Was Already Reading And Writing. In Fact, I Was Offended That The Other Kids Couldn't.

No, I Don't Think You Understand Just How Stupid Goblins Are. Let Me Give You An Example. One Of The B'wa Kell Generals, And This Is Their Top Fairy, Was Caught Caught Trying To Pass Off Forged Credit Slips By Signing His Own Name.

They Have Gone. And The Tunnel Is About To Close. So, Boys, I Am Looking For Someone To Blame.

I Bet," Said Mulch, "that You Would Set The World On Fire Just To Watch It Burn." Opal Tapped The Suggestion Into A Small Electronic Notepad On Her Pocket Computer. Thanks For That. Now, Tell Me Everything.

Holly Clambered After Him, Struggling Up The Human-size Steps. "wait! Just Wait," She Called, Overtaking Artemis And Looking Him In The Eye From One Step Up. "i Know You, Artemis. You Like To Play Your Genius Card Close To Your Chest Until The Big Reveal. And That's Worked Out For Us So Far. But This Time You Need To Let Me In. I Can Help. So, Tell Me The Truth, Do You Have A Plan?" Artemis Met His Friend's Gaze And Lied To Her Face. "no," He Said. "no Plan.

This Was A Nightmare Scenario For Any Bodyguard: Stuck In The Middle Of A Transparent Tube, Several Miles Underwater, With A Murdering Band Of Fugitives At One End And An Enthralled But Still Highly Skilled Police Officer At The Other.

There’s Always Time For Babbling.

If Koboi Defeats And Presumably Murders Us Both Then You Can Consider The Debt Null And Void.

Boo-hoo. Help Me, I'm A Girl. What Kind Of Modern Woman Are You? A Smart One.

It's Like Learning To Ride A Unicorn. You Never Forget.

Connor Broekhart Was Born To Fly, Or More Accurately He Was Born Flying.

We Lost The Crickets," She Said. "even You Can't Make That Sound Tough." ..."i Am Butler," He Said With A Straight-face. "everything I Say Sounds Tough. Now, Get Out Of The Lake, Fairy.

Play Along, The Wink Said. I'll Get You Out Of This. At Least Artemis Hoped This Was What His Wink Communicated And Not Something Like 'any Chance Of Another Kiss Later?

The Humans Were Protecting Their Heritage, Or So They Thought. Strange That Mud Men Seem More Concerned About The Past Than The Present.

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Hit That Back-stabber Where It Hurts, Right In The Ambition.

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Just What We Need," Moaned Holly. "artemis Fowl With Magical Powers.

Certainly, Doctor. Let's Talk About Your Chair. Victorian?

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Chaos Reigned, And The Survivalists Eagerly Unwrapped The Kidskin From Their Crossbows. Phase One Of Opal's Plan Was Complete.

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I Have A Lovely Office At The Back Of My House; It's An Old Stable And You Can See Right Out To The Countryside On One Side And Into The House On The Other Side.

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Who Are You?" He Asked. I Am The Future Queen Of This World, At The Very Least. You May Refer To Me As Mistress Koboi For The Next Five Minutes. After That You May Refer To Me As Aaaaarrrrgh, Hold Your Throat, Die Screaming, And So On.

Scientists Are The Enemies Of Tradition , And Tradition Own All The Prisons. - Victor Vigny

Orion Sniffed. "good. Then, Worthy Centaur, Perhaps You Could Give Me A Ride To The Village On Your Way Back. Then I Can Make A Few Pennies Wth My Verses While You Build Us A Shack And Perform Circus Tricks For Passersby." This Was Such A Surprising Statement That Foaly Briefly Considered Jumping Into The Hole To Get Away.

The Only Other Scenario That Could Explain Everything, Up To And Including Your Own Bizarre Apperance, Is A Convoluted Conspiracy Theory Involving The Russian Mafia And A Crack Team Of Plastic Surgeons.

(about His Terrible Attempt At Making A Sandwich) It's More Difficult Than It Looks. (artemis Fowl)

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We Get An Apartment Together, And After A Whirlwind Courtship You Marry My Sister And Honeymoon In Vegas.

Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

Are You Saying That You People Knew About These Amorophobots All The Time?" "of Course We Did. They Attacked Us In Iceland. Remember?" "no. I Was Unconscious.

Artemis: How Long Will It Take You To Prepare The Time Spell? N1 Chewed His Knuckle: About As Long As It Takes You To Take Your Clothes Off. "aaarrk," Artemis Half Choked.

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The Two Of Them Went Down In A Heap, With Not Even A Turkey To Break Their Fall.

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She Can't Afford To Commit More Troops,' Holly Whispered. 'the Gate Is Her Priority, And She Needs To Have As Many Berserkers Watching Her Back As Possible. We Are Secondary At This Point.' 'that Will Be Her Undoing,' Artemis Gasped, Already Suffering Under The Weight Of The Flak Jacket. 'artemis Fowl Will Never Be Secondary.' 'i Thought You Were Artemis Fowl The Second?' Said Holly.

You Display Inordinate Pride For Someone Who Has Completed A Task Which Could Have Been Performed By A Lesser Primate In A Shorter Time.

Thankfully The Rest Of The World Assumed That The Irish Were Crazy, A Theory That The Irish Themselves Did Nothing To Debunk. They Had Somehow Got It Into Their Heads That Each Fairy Lugged Around A Pot Of Gold With Him Wherever He Went. While It Was True That Lep Had A Ransom Fund, Because Of Its Officers' High-risk Occupation, No Human Had Ever Taken A Chunk Of It Yet. This Didn't Stop The Irish Population In General From Skulking Around Rainbows, Hoping To Win The Supernatural Lottery.

I Waved My Hand In Front Of My Face, Obi-wan Style. "i Am Not Here." Niall's Mucas Glands Kicked Into Overdrive. "eoin's Dead! And His Ghost Is Standing Right There On The Grass!" Donal Let Out A Long Suffering Sigh. "eoin Is Being A Writer." Niall Calmed Down, Becuase Everyone Knows Writers Are Weird And Are Always Doing Stupid Thingss.

I Am Unarmed. But Butler Here, My ...ah...butler, Has A Sig Saucer In His Shoulder Holster, Two Shrike-throwing Knives In His Boots, Aderringer Two-shot Up His Sleeve, Garrotte Wire In His Watch, And Three Stun Greanades Concealed In Variouse Pockets. Anything Else, Butler?

Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers

The Sarcasm Made A Slight Whistling Noise As It Flew Over Loafers' Head.

Can We Please Focus? We Are Supposed To Be Professionals." Holly Said. "not Me!" Said Orion Cheerily, "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild And May I Say, Young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction.

And One More Thing. About My Name — Artemis — You Were Right. In London, It Is Generally A Female Name, After The Greek Goddess Of Archery. But Every Now And Then A Male Comes Along With Such A Talent For Hunting That He Earns The Right To Use The Name. I Am That Male. Artemis The Hunter. I Hunted You.

A Cd. How Quaint. We Have These In Museums.

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This Is A Sensitive Area. For All You Know I Could Be Suffering From Depression. Doctor Po: I Suppose You Could. Is That The Case? Artemis: (head In Hands) It's My Mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My Mother, She... Doctor Po: Your Mother, Yes? Artemis: She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy When The School's So-called Counsellors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees.

He Took A Deep, Shuddering Breath. "okay. I Said It, It's Out There. And I Am Fine Now. So Let's Move On, Shall We? What's The Plan?

"i Live For Agressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily, Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn Round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wondered Foaly. "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

Artemis Turned And Stared At His Friend With The Blue Eyes. Holly Was Staring Back, And She Was Smiling. “i Remember,” She Said Aloud. “you Saved Me.” Artemis Smiled Back. “it Never Happened,” He Said.

Artemis Fowl Will Never Be Secondary." "i Thought You Were Artemis Fowl The Second?" Said Holly.

Humm Humm Haaa. Rahmumm Humm Haaaa," Intoned Opal, Finishing Her Chant. "peace Be Inside Me, Tolerance All Around Me, Forgiveness In My Path. Now, Mervall, Show Me Where The Filthy Human Is So That I May Feed Him His Organs.

Control Puberty?" Snorted The Bodyguard."if You Manage That, You'll Be The First.

Anything Else, Butler?" "the Cosh, Sir.

The Miracle Of Modern Science. The Lep Pours Millions Into Your Department, Foaly, And All You Can Do Is Send Mud Boys To The Toilet.

No Matter What Dimension You're In, There's A Big-headed Male Trying To Take Over The World.

Wait," Said Butler. "just Wait, Holly. Artemis Has A Plan." He Squinted Through The Green Dome. "what Is Your Plan, Artemis?" All Artemis Could Do Was Smile And Shrug.

Holly Is Alive,' Thought Foaly 'my Princess Lives,'exulted Orion. 'and We're Chasing A Dragon

You Need To Stop Thinking With Your Head, Mud Boy, And Start Thinking With Your Heart.” Artemis Sighed. The Heart Was An Organ For Pumping Oxygen-rich Blood To The Cells. It Could No More Think Than An Apple Could Tap-dance.

No, Mademoiselle, I Would Not Like To See The Children's Menu. I Have No Doubt That The Children's Menu Itself Tastes Better Than The Meals On It. I Would Like To Order à La Carte. Or Don't You Serve Fish To Minors?

When You've Come Face-to-face With The Dark Side Of The School Yard, Life Doesn't Hold Many Surprises.

So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

...hardly. A Ragged Apron Does Not A Waiter Make.

I Can Grow Cameras!" She Had Shrieked At The Brill Brothers During One Briefing. "who's To Say That Despicable Centaur Foaly Hasn't Succeded In Splicing Surveillance Equiptment To Plants? So Get Rid Of All The Flowers. Rocks, Too. I Don't Trust Them. Sullen Little Blebers.

Most Craft Give A Nod, However Brief And Unfriendly, Towards Beauty. Vogon Ships Did Not Nod Towards Beauty. They Pulled On Ski Masks And Mugged Beauty In A Dark Alley They Spat In The Eye Of Beauty And Bludgeoned Their Wait Through The Notions Of Aesthetics And Aerodynamics. Vogon Cruisers Did Not So Much Travel Through Space As Defile It And Toss It Aside.

Artemis Ducked. Cudgeon Didn't. Guess What? Artemis Was Smarter.

Vinyaya Was Being Openly Antagonistic, And That Was An Emotion That Could Be Trusted, Unless Of Course It Was A Bluff And The Commander Was A Secret Fan Of His, Unless It Was A Double Bluff And She Really Did Feel Antagonistic.

There Were Only Two Men On The Planet Better Educated In The Various Martial Arts Than Butler, And He Was Related To One Of Them. The Other Lived On An Island In The South China Sea, And Spent His Days Meditating And Beating Up Palm Trees. You Had To Feel Sorry For The B'wa Kell.

And It's Amazing How Much Noise People Ignoring Each Other Can Make.

Butler,” He Called, His Voice Thin And Childlike In The Wind. “yes, Artemis, What?” “if Something Goes Wrong, Wait For Me. No Matter How It Looks, I Will Return. I Will Bring Them All Back.

Remember This? You Gave It To Me For Ensuring Your Trigger Finger Got Reattached To Your Hand. You Said It Would Remind Me Of That Spark Of Decency Inside Me. I'm Trying To Do Something Decent Now, Captain.

I Don't Like Lollipops.

My Bugs Don't Have Bugs.

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Really, I'm Trying To Care, Artemis, Really. But I Thought It Was All Supposed To Be Over When The Fat Lady Sings. Well, She's Singing, But It Doesn't Appear To Be Over

Confidence Is Ignorance. If You're Feeling Cocky, It's Because There's Something You Don't Know.

Foaly: Anyone See You Come In Here? Holly: The Fbi, Cia, Nsa, Dea, Mi6. Oh, And The Eib. Foaly: The Eib? Holly: (smirking) Everyone In The Building.

Anything Can Be Real. Every Imaginable Thing Is Happening Somewhere Along The Dimensional Axis. These Things Happen A Billion Times Over With Exactly The Same Outcome And No One Learns Anything. Whatever A Person Can Think, Imagine, Wish For, Or Believe Has Already Come To Pass. Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers.

Ah, My Princess. Noble Steed. How Does The Morning Find You Both?

Mulch's Tongue Lolled Out, Resting On The Centaur's Neck. "mmm," He Mumbled Around His Tongue. "horse. Tasty" "let's Go," Said Foaly Nervously. "let's Go Right Now.

Hilarious, Dude. You Should, Like, Have Your Own Show.

Caballine Likes Me To Be Masterful. She Calls Me Her Stallion.

Butler Was Seeing The World As It Was, Complete With L.e.p Retrival Team

If You Were Me, Then I'd Be You, And If I Were You, Then I'd Hide Somewhere Far Away.

"that Was Horrible. Horrible. That Poor Little Guy." Pex Was Unrepentant. "yeah, Well, He Asked For It. Calling Us... All Those Things." But Buried Alive?! That's Like In That Horror Movie. Y'know The One With All The Horror." "i Think I Saw That One. With All The Words Going Up On The Screen At The End?" "yeah, That Was It. Tell You The Truth, Those Words Kinda Ruined It For Me."

Not Me," Said Orion Cheerily. "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild. And May I Say ,young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction." Holly Lifted Her Visor And Looked The Hormonal Teenager In The Eye. "this Had Better Not Be A Game, Artemis. If You Do Not Have Some Serious Psychosis, You Will Be Sorry." "oh, I'm Crazy, Alright. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses," Said Orion Cheerily. "multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

You Guys Looking For My Dad? People Are Always, Like, Looking For Him, And He's Never Around. Daddy Is So Not Here. And I Mean That Literally And Spiritually.

...this Is The Only Way. I Will Not Allow Humans Or Fairies To Die When I Might Have Prevented It.” Butler Would Not Give Up. “listen To Yourself. You Sound Like A... Like A Good Guy! There’s Nothing In This For You.

Have You Ever Heard Of The Theory Of Relativity?" Artemis Blinked. "is This A Joke? I Have Traveled Through Time, Doctor. I Think I Know A Little Something About Relativity.

Mulch Was Not Impressed. 'i'm Not Impressed,' He Said.

Holly Walked Rapidly Into The Cockpit, Strapping Herself Into The Pilot's Chair. "seven And A Half Hours To Save The World. Isn’t There Some Law That Says We Get At Least Twenty-four?" Artemis Strapped Himself Into The Co-pilot's Chair. "i Don't Think Opal Bothers With Laws.

Benny Was Awake Again. Happened Every Morning.

In My Experience, Boys Are Predictable. As Soon As They Think Of Something, They Do It. Girls Are Smarter—they Plan Ahead. They Think About Not Getting Caught.

You Wouldn't Know A Clue If It Danced In Front Of You With A T-shirt That Read 'i'm A Clue

Argh? Pathetic And Inarticulate. Nice Combination. Your Mothers Must Be So Proud.

Either That Boy Is The Sanest Creature On Earth, He Thought, Or He Is So Disturbed That Our Tests Cannot Even Begin To Scratch The Surface.

A Fifeteen-year Old, Of To Save The World, With Faries. - Angeline Fowl

What Many People Don't Know About 'peter Pan' Is That It's A Very Violent Book And Hook Is One Of The Most Finely Observed Villains Ever.

If Things Go Badly For Me Tonight, I Want You To Stay With Mr. Wynter; He Will Pay You A Decent Wage.” “will He Make Me Bathe?” “no, He Will Debate The Matter With You Until You Decide To Wash.” “ah. One Of Those.

Her Glare Was So Intense That You Completely Forgot She Was Wearing Pink.

Why Can't We For Once Have A Meeting In Starbucks?

I Want You To Know, My Dear Friend, That Without You, I Would Not Be The Person I Am Today." He Leaned In Close And Whispered, "i Was A Broken Boy, And You Fixed Me. Thank You.

Together We Will Be Unstoppable.

Oh, I'm Crazy All Right. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses. Multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

Satan Was Crouched In The Corner Of His Office, Playing A Gameboy, 'die Alien Scum' He Was Saying Feverishly.

How Did That Go?’ He Asked. ‘your First Lengthy Conversation With A Girl Your Own Age?’ ‘fabulous,’ Said Artemis, Voice Dripping With Sarcasm. ‘we’re Planning A June Wedding.

Butler Could Kill You A Hundred Different Ways Without Use Of His Armoury. Though I'm Sure One Would Be Quite Sufficient.

A Metaphorical Weight Lifted From His Allegorical Chest And Artemis Fowl Felt Himself Again.

Foaly Twitched His Tail Contentedly. Genius. No Point In Being Humble About It.

I'm On My Feet, Pacing Around The Room, Punching A Fist Into My Palm, Which I Stop Doing When I Realise How Drama Queen It Feels.

Sounded Like Girls. Mixed Feelings On That Score. He Didn't Despise Them With The Same Passion He Used To. In Fact, Benny Suspected That There Would Come A Time In The Not-too-distant Future When He Might Develop A Mysterious Interest In Them.

She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy, When The So-called Counselors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees. -artemis Fowl

It Would Take Less Than A Second For You To Die. But That's Quite Long Enough To Be In Mortal Agony, Don't You Think?

I Am Butler. Anything I Say Sounds Scary.

The Thing About Reading Is That If You Are Hooked, You're Not Going To Stop Just Because One Series Is Over; You're Going To Go And Find Something Else.

Hey, If You Can't Remember, Don't Worry About It. I'm Having A Few Memory Problems Myself In This Place. Little Things Like How Long I've Been Here, What My Purpose In Life Is, Which Feet To Put My Shoes On. Stuff Like That.

There Is No Such Thing As A Happy Ending. Every Culture Has A Maxim That Makes This Point, While Nowhere In The Universe Is There A Single Gravestone That Reads 'he Loved Everything About His Life, Especially The Dying Bit At The End'.

The Craft's Occupants Clutched Their Armrests, And More Than One Of Them Closed Their Eyes. But Not Artemis. He Couldn't. There Was Something Morbidly Fascinating About Flying Into An Uncharted Tunnel At A Reckless Speed With Only A Kleptomaniac Dwarf's Word For What Lay At The Other End.

Inside The Mirrored Elevator, Mulch Used A Telescopic Pointer To Push P For The Penthouse. For The First Few Months He Had Jumped To Reach The Button, But That Was Undignified Behavior For A Millionaire. And Besides, He Was Certain That Art Could Hear The Thumping From The Security Desk.

You Know You're In Trouble When Your Own Imagination Starts Punishing You.

I Never Tell Anyone Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

Maybe I’ll Keep You.” Abbot Chuckled And Prodded Artemis’s Back With His Sword. “it’d Be Nice To Have A Pet Human Around. I Could Teach You Tricks.” “i Have A Trick For You,” Said Artemis, And He Fired A Single Blast From The Gun.

Trust Me. I'm A Genius.

Everything Rests On The Poisoned Wine. If It Were Just The Queen, I Could Force It Down Her Gullet, But Declan Broekhart Would Run Me Through With That Damned Ceremonial Sword, And If His Wife's Stares Were Daggers, He'd Be Dead Already.

Stay Back, Human. You Don't Know What You're Dealing With.

And I Will Not Be Beaten By That Jackass." "jackass?" Said Foaly, Wounded. "my Favorite Uncle Is A Jackass.

I Have No Time For Babbling Foolishness.” “don’t Be So Hasty,” Said Victor. “there’s Always Time For Babbling.

I Have Always Loved 'stig Of The Dump.' I Think Reading That Book Made Me Officially Realise That I Was A Reader.

Oh,it's Going To Be So Easy To Kill You",scoffed Opal.

Radomosity, Thought Artemis. And He Felt Like Weeping.

Very Well. I Understand. Just ... Shut Up!

Evolution Is A Theory With More Holes Than A Dutch Dam Of Swiss Cheese.

How Does She Know It's The Right Room?' Wondered Descant. Oh, I Don't Know; Mabye It's The Magical Red Glow Coming From The Doorway, Or Perhaps It's The Deafening Howl Of The Temporal Winds.' Said Mervall. Descant Nodded.'you Could Be Right, Brother. And Don't Think I Don't Know Sarcasm When I Hear It.

Ma Was Using Her For-company Voice. Sweet On The Outside But With An Underlying Death Threat.

Chief Of Security : They Have A Tank! How Did They Get A Tank Up Here?

Trust Me. I Haven't Been Wrong Yet.

I Have To Tell You, Arty, A Screw Up This Early In The Proceedings Doesn't Exactly Fill Me With Confidence. I Hope You're As Clever As You Keep Telling Everyone You Are." "i Never Tell Anybody Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

If I Win, I'm A Prodigy. If I Lose, Then I'm Crazy. That's The Way History Is Written.

Remember The Pain?' Thought Artemis. I Hate Myself. I Really Do.

When The Moment Comes, Will You Take Your Chance To Be A Hero?

Why Can't I Solve This Problem By Killing Someone? She Though Petulantly, Then Comforted Herself With The Mantra That Had Kept Her Going In Prison: "soon All The Humans Will Be Dead," She Said, Droning In The Time-honored Fashion Of Gurus Everywhere. "and Then Opal Will Be Loved." And Even If I'm Not Loved, She Thought, At Least All The Humans Will Be Dead.

Killing Someone

It'll Be Messy, But After A Day You'll Be Zipping Around As Though You Were A Thousand Years Old Again.

Of Course. Opal Is Toying With Our Emotions For Her Own Gratification. Nothing More. She Wishes To Place Herself In A Position Of Power, Emotionally.

Position Of Power

Miss Me? Bet You Did ... So Would I.

Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

Well, I Don't Like The First Bit And I Don't Know The Last Bit. So I'm Really Hoping The Middle Bit Is Exceptional.

I Can't Imagine What They're Planning. But I Can Tell You Two Things. We Won't Like It, And It Won't Be Legal.

A Cloak Of Invisibility? This Is A Highly Sensitive Piece Of Field Equipment. What Does He Think? Some Warlock Pulled It Out Of His Armpit?

My Truffles? You Took Them? That's Just Mean!

I Often Meet Frustrated Young Writers Who Say They've Only Got So Far And Just Can't Finish A Book. Even If You Don't Happen To Use What You've Worked On That Day, It Has Taught You Something And You'll Be Amazed When You Might Come Back To It And Use It Again.

Holly: Are You Suggesting I Occasionally Stray From The Rule Book? Foaly: No. I'm Suggesting You Do Not Own A Copy Of The Rule Book, And If You Do, You Have Certainly Never Opened It.

Everyone Says That I Have No Sense Of Humor, Then I Construct A Perfectly Sound Pun Around A Well-known Psychological Condition, And It Is Ignored.

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