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Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

-Eoin Colfer

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Now I Can Do

Eoin Colfer

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Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

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I Bet," Said Mulch, "that You Would Set The World On Fire Just To Watch It Burn." Opal Tapped The Suggestion Into A Small Electronic Notepad On Her Pocket Computer. Thanks For That. Now, Tell Me Everything.

Victor Vigny: It Is Like The Old Fairy Tale. The Boy Saves The Princess; They Fall In Love. He Invents A Flying Machine - Along With His Dashing Teacher, Of Course. They Get Married And Name Thier Firstborn After The Aforementioned Dashing Teacher. Conor: I Don't Recall That Fairy Tale From The Nursery. Victor Vigny: Trust Me, It's A Classic.

Falling In Love

Why No Aggressive Action?" Foaly Squirmed In A Harness Built For Two-legged Creatures. "oh Yes, Why No Aggressive Action? How I Long For Aggressive Action." "i Live For Aggressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn 'round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wandered Foaly "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

No Matter What Dimension You're In, There's A Big-headed Male Trying To Take Over The World.

Of Course. Opal Is Toying With Our Emotions For Her Own Gratification. Nothing More. She Wishes To Place Herself In A Position Of Power, Emotionally.

Position Of Power

Artemis: "right, Brothers. Onward. Imagine Yourself Seated At A Cafe In Montmartre." Myles: "in Paris." Artemis: "yes, Paris. And Try As You Will, You Cannot Attract The Waiter's Attention. What Do You Do?" Beckett: "umm...tell Butler To Jump-jump-jump On His Head?" Myles: "i Agree With Simple-toon." Artemis: "no! You Simply Raise One Finger And Say Clearly 'ici, Garcon.'" Beckett: "itchy What?

I Can Grow Cameras!" She Had Shrieked At The Brill Brothers During One Briefing. "who's To Say That Despicable Centaur Foaly Hasn't Succeded In Splicing Surveillance Equiptment To Plants? So Get Rid Of All The Flowers. Rocks, Too. I Don't Trust Them. Sullen Little Blebers.

The Next Minute Or So Was Spent Howling On The Ceiling . Imp No.1 Joined In, But He Wasn't Really Feeling It. It Shouldn't Be "who Do We Hate?", He Thought, It Really Should Be "whom", But This Probably Wasn't A Good Time To Bring That Up.

Holly Winked. 'do I Look Like A Fly Boy To You, Fowl?' Artemis Had To Admit That She Didn't. Captain Short Was Extremely Pretty In A Dangerous Sort Of Way. Black-widow Pretty. Artemis Was Expecting Puberty To Hit In Approximately Eight Months, And He Suspected That At That Point He Would Look At Holly In A Different Light. It Was Probably Just As Well That She Was Eighty Years Old.

Miss Me? Bet You Did ... So Would I.

Can We Please Focus? We Are Supposed To Be Professionals." Holly Said. "not Me!" Said Orion Cheerily, "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild And May I Say, Young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction.

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This Is A Sensitive Area. For All You Know I Could Be Suffering From Depression. Doctor Po: I Suppose You Could. Is That The Case? Artemis: (head In Hands) It's My Mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My Mother, She... Doctor Po: Your Mother, Yes? Artemis: She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy When The School's So-called Counsellors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees.

I Am So Sick Of You Smart Kids. Why Can't You Just Boost Cars Or Steal Stuff Like Normal Kids?' 'we Do Steal Stuff. Just Bigger Stuff.

Good. Illegal Is Always Faster.

How Does She Know It's The Right Room?' Wondered Descant. Oh, I Don't Know; Mabye It's The Magical Red Glow Coming From The Doorway, Or Perhaps It's The Deafening Howl Of The Temporal Winds.' Said Mervall. Descant Nodded.'you Could Be Right, Brother. And Don't Think I Don't Know Sarcasm When I Hear It.

I Waved My Hand In Front Of My Face, Obi-wan Style. "i Am Not Here." Niall's Mucas Glands Kicked Into Overdrive. "eoin's Dead! And His Ghost Is Standing Right There On The Grass!" Donal Let Out A Long Suffering Sigh. "eoin Is Being A Writer." Niall Calmed Down, Becuase Everyone Knows Writers Are Weird And Are Always Doing Stupid Thingss.

Meg And Belch Only Had Eyes For Each Other. Not In The Usual Romantic Sense.

Will You Miss Him Holly?” He Asked Suddenly. [...] “no,” She Said. “i Will Not Miss Him.” But Her Eyes Told The Real Story.

I Have No Time For Babbling Foolishness.” “don’t Be So Hasty,” Said Victor. “there’s Always Time For Babbling.

Mulch Was Not Impressed. 'i'm Not Impressed,' He Said.

But Even Though There Were Plenty Of Teeth In The Grin, There Was No Heart.

(to Foaly) Captain Short's Life Is In Danger, So Push The Button Before I Climb That Tower And Push It With Your Face!

Boo-hoo. Help Me, I'm A Girl. What Kind Of Modern Woman Are You? A Smart One.

Doobie Always Wanted To See The Badge. It Was Shiny, And He Was Eight.

And I Will Not Be Beaten By That Jackass." "jackass?" Said Foaly, Wounded. "my Favorite Uncle Is A Jackass.

Everyone Says That I Have No Sense Of Humor, Then I Construct A Perfectly Sound Pun Around A Well-known Psychological Condition, And It Is Ignored.

Ah, My Princess. Noble Steed. How Does The Morning Find You Both?

The Miracle Of Modern Science. The Lep Pours Millions Into Your Department, Foaly, And All You Can Do Is Send Mud Boys To The Toilet.

Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

Who Are You?" He Asked. I Am The Future Queen Of This World, At The Very Least. You May Refer To Me As Mistress Koboi For The Next Five Minutes. After That You May Refer To Me As Aaaaarrrrgh, Hold Your Throat, Die Screaming, And So On.

If It Looks Like A Dwarf, And It Smells Like A Dwarf, Then It's Probably A Dwarf Or A Latrine Wearing Dungerees.

A Metaphorical Weight Lifted From His Allegorical Chest And Artemis Fowl Felt Himself Again.

If I Win, I'm A Prodigy. If I Lose, Then I'm Crazy. That's The Way History Is Written.

I Can't Imagine What They're Planning. But I Can Tell You Two Things. We Won't Like It, And It Won't Be Legal.

Orion Sniffed. "good. Then, Worthy Centaur, Perhaps You Could Give Me A Ride To The Village On Your Way Back. Then I Can Make A Few Pennies Wth My Verses While You Build Us A Shack And Perform Circus Tricks For Passersby." This Was Such A Surprising Statement That Foaly Briefly Considered Jumping Into The Hole To Get Away.

Maybe I’ll Keep You.” Abbot Chuckled And Prodded Artemis’s Back With His Sword. “it’d Be Nice To Have A Pet Human Around. I Could Teach You Tricks.” “i Have A Trick For You,” Said Artemis, And He Fired A Single Blast From The Gun.

He Took A Deep, Shuddering Breath. "okay. I Said It, It's Out There. And I Am Fine Now. So Let's Move On, Shall We? What's The Plan?

No Alcohol, Riley." She Nodded At The Screen. "how Are You Liking The Twenty-first Century?" Riley Burped. "the Take That Are Most Melodic. And God Bless Harry Potter Is All I Can Say. If Not For Him, All Of London Would Have Been Consumed By The Dark Arts.

Being In Command Means Making Tough Decisions. Not Being In Command Means Shutting Up And Doing What You're Told. --artemis Fowl

When You've Come Face-to-face With The Dark Side Of The School Yard, Life Doesn't Hold Many Surprises.

We Get An Apartment Together, And After A Whirlwind Courtship You Marry My Sister And Honeymoon In Vegas.

Remember This? You Gave It To Me For Ensuring Your Trigger Finger Got Reattached To Your Hand. You Said It Would Remind Me Of That Spark Of Decency Inside Me. I'm Trying To Do Something Decent Now, Captain.

A Cd. How Quaint. We Have These In Museums.

Caballine Likes Me To Be Masterful. She Calls Me Her Stallion.

Artemis Fowl Grinned Right Back At Him And Pointed His Index Finger To The Sky... From The Tip Of This Finger Sprang A Small Blue Spark That Exploded Like A Tiny Firework. “i Know Magic Can Be Stolen,” Said Artemis. “because I Stole Some Myself.

There Will Be Consequences For This, He Thought. You Can't Alter Time And Not Be Affected. But Whatever The Consequences Are, I Will Bear Them, Because The Alternative Is Too Terrible. -artemis Fowl, The Lost Colony

Holly Walked Rapidly Into The Cockpit, Strapping Herself Into The Pilot's Chair. "seven And A Half Hours To Save The World. Isn’t There Some Law That Says We Get At Least Twenty-four?" Artemis Strapped Himself Into The Co-pilot's Chair. "i Don't Think Opal Bothers With Laws.

Anything Else, Butler?" "the Cosh, Sir.

(about His Terrible Attempt At Making A Sandwich) It's More Difficult Than It Looks. (artemis Fowl)

Excuse Me, Captain. Are You Two Going To Weep Salty Tears Of Admiration Over A Helmet All Night, Or Do We Have Matters To Discuss?

I Feel Like Alice Falling Into Wonderland. A Line Came To Him: It Would Be So Nice If Something Made Sense For A Change.

Don't Try To Understand Me, Just Be Grateful That You Felt The Warmth Of Zaphod Beeblebrox's Aura On Your Wonderstruck Face.

Butler Could Kill You A Hundred Different Ways Without Use Of His Armoury. Though I'm Sure One Would Be Quite Sufficient.

Is That How You're Going To Take Me? Scare Me Into Voluntarily Coming Aboard, Then Steal My Ice Cube?" "it's Always Cubes With You," Noted Foaly, Somewhat Randomly. "what's Wrong With A Nice Sphere?

You Wouldn't Know A Clue If It Danced In Front Of You With A T-shirt That Read 'i'm A Clue

Artemis Turned And Stared At His Friend With The Blue Eyes. Holly Was Staring Back, And She Was Smiling. “i Remember,” She Said Aloud. “you Saved Me.” Artemis Smiled Back. “it Never Happened,” He Said.

I'm The Crazy Girly Captain, Remember?

I Don't Suppose You Would Consider Peaceful Surrender?

I Am Butler. Anything I Say Sounds Scary.

And One More Thing. About My Name — Artemis — You Were Right. In London, It Is Generally A Female Name, After The Greek Goddess Of Archery. But Every Now And Then A Male Comes Along With Such A Talent For Hunting That He Earns The Right To Use The Name. I Am That Male. Artemis The Hunter. I Hunted You.

No, I Don't Think You Understand Just How Stupid Goblins Are. Let Me Give You An Example. One Of The B'wa Kell Generals, And This Is Their Top Fairy, Was Caught Caught Trying To Pass Off Forged Credit Slips By Signing His Own Name.

Genius Inspires Resentment. A Sad Fact Of Life.

Wait," Said Butler. "just Wait, Holly. Artemis Has A Plan." He Squinted Through The Green Dome. "what Is Your Plan, Artemis?" All Artemis Could Do Was Smile And Shrug.

I Have A Lovely Office At The Back Of My House; It's An Old Stable And You Can See Right Out To The Countryside On One Side And Into The House On The Other Side.

A Monkey Glances Up And Sees A Banana, And That's As Far As He Looks. A Visionary Looks Up And Sees The Moon.

If Things Go Badly For Me Tonight, I Want You To Stay With Mr. Wynter; He Will Pay You A Decent Wage.” “will He Make Me Bathe?” “no, He Will Debate The Matter With You Until You Decide To Wash.” “ah. One Of Those.

Argh? Pathetic And Inarticulate. Nice Combination. Your Mothers Must Be So Proud.

The Craft's Occupants Clutched Their Armrests, And More Than One Of Them Closed Their Eyes. But Not Artemis. He Couldn't. There Was Something Morbidly Fascinating About Flying Into An Uncharted Tunnel At A Reckless Speed With Only A Kleptomaniac Dwarf's Word For What Lay At The Other End.

I Often Meet Frustrated Young Writers Who Say They've Only Got So Far And Just Can't Finish A Book. Even If You Don't Happen To Use What You've Worked On That Day, It Has Taught You Something And You'll Be Amazed When You Might Come Back To It And Use It Again.

We're Being Lead By An Idiot With A Crayon.

There Were Only Two Men On The Planet Better Educated In The Various Martial Arts Than Butler, And He Was Related To One Of Them. The Other Lived On An Island In The South China Sea, And Spent His Days Meditating And Beating Up Palm Trees. You Had To Feel Sorry For The B'wa Kell.

Look!" Said Foaly, Pointing With Some Urgency Into The Vast Steel-gray Gloom, "someone Who Cares!

So, What Did You Get For Me?" Angeline Paused For A Beat. "jeans." "what?" Croaked Artemis. "and A T-shirt.

'insanity... I Like It."

Sometimes Plans Don't Translate Smoothly From Paper To Real Life.

So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

You Know, Miss Holly, You Look Very Dramatic Like That, Backlit By The Fire. Very Attractive, If I May Say So. I Know You Shared A Moment Passionne With Artemis Which He Subsequently Fouled Up With His Typical Boorish Behavior. Let Me Just Throw Something Out There For You To Consider While We're Chasing The Probe: I Share Artemis's Passion But Not His Boorishness. No Pressure; Just Think About It. This Was Enough To Elicit A Deafening Moment Of Silence Even In The Middle Of A Crisis, Which Orion Seemed To Be Blissfully Unaffected By.

Yes, Chix, It's Between Us. Everyone Has A Right To Be Temporarily Unstable. - Foaly

Don't You Worry About That, Mr. Adamsson. Why Don't You Head Back To Reykjavik And Spend Some Of That Extortionate Fee You Charged Me For A Couple Of Hours' Usage Of Your Frankly Third-rate Restaurant And Perhaps Find A Friendless Tree Stump To Listen To Your Woes?

A Genius. A Criminal Mastermind. A Millionaire. And He Is Only Twelve Years Old.

In Spite Of What Youngsters Think, Parents Do Not Get A Sneaky Thrill Out Of Punishing Their Children.

Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

It Was Calling Me, That Button," He Offered As His Excuse. "i Couldn't Resist." -mulch Diggums On A Highly Press-able Button-

People Like Me, Lb, The Truly Great Ones ... We Are Always Alone.

And It's Amazing How Much Noise People Ignoring Each Other Can Make.

...i Just Pulled A Pretty Big Job And Needed To Hide Out For Awhile." "...where's All The Loot?" "that, As My Cousin Nord Would Say, Is Where My Improvised Lie Falls Apart." Artemis Put Two And Two Together And Arrived At A Very Unpleasant Four. "you Were Here To Rob Me!" "no, I Wasn't. How Dare You?!

Let's Save Some Time Here. I Grow Weary Of Your Clumsy Bluffs. In The Case Of An Abduction, The Lep Will Send A Crack Retrieval Team To Get Back What Has Been Lost.. You Have Done So. Excuse Me While I Titter. Crack Team? Honestly. A Cub-scout Patrol Armed With Water Pistols Could Have Defeated Them.

Artemis: How Long Will It Take You To Prepare The Time Spell? N1 Chewed His Knuckle: About As Long As It Takes You To Take Your Clothes Off. "aaarrk," Artemis Half Choked.

...hardly. A Ragged Apron Does Not A Waiter Make.

Play Along, The Wink Said. I'll Get You Out Of This. At Least Artemis Hoped This Was What His Wink Communicated And Not Something Like 'any Chance Of Another Kiss Later?

Well, I Don't Like The First Bit And I Don't Know The Last Bit. So I'm Really Hoping The Middle Bit Is Exceptional.

Tea? At The Beach? No Time For Luxuries, Holly. There Is Important Work To Be Done.” He Winked At Butler. “are You Sure You’re At The Library? I Thought I Heard Water.” Artemis Smiled, Enjoying The Exchange. “water? Surely Not. The Only Thing Flowing Here Is Information.” “are You Grinning, Artemis? For Some Reason I Get The Feeling That You’re Wearing That Smug Smile Of Yours.

If Elmore Leonard Met Jim Thompson Down A Dark Alley At Midnight They Might Emerge A Week Later With Thick Beards, Bloodshot Eyes And The Manuscript For The Big O.

What's That Supposed To Mean? A Wolf's Head On A Stick. Big Wolf Barbecue Tonight? Bring Your Own Wolf?

I Am Charging You With The Protection Of My Mother And Friends, Not To Mention Keeping My Younger Self Off The Internet. He Is As Dangerous As Opal.

When The Moment Comes, Will You Take Your Chance To Be A Hero?

Scientists Are The Enemies Of Tradition , And Tradition Own All The Prisons. - Victor Vigny

Listen To Me, Goblin. You're Stupid, Let's Accept That And Move On.

Everything Rests On The Poisoned Wine. If It Were Just The Queen, I Could Force It Down Her Gullet, But Declan Broekhart Would Run Me Through With That Damned Ceremonial Sword, And If His Wife's Stares Were Daggers, He'd Be Dead Already.

Her Glare Was So Intense That You Completely Forgot She Was Wearing Pink.

I Want You To Know, My Dear Friend, That Without You, I Would Not Be The Person I Am Today." He Leaned In Close And Whispered, "i Was A Broken Boy, And You Fixed Me. Thank You.

She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy, When The So-called Counselors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees. -artemis Fowl

I Am Older And Have More Control Over My Empathy,' Said Qwan. 'that's Why I Didn't Throw Up.' And Having Said That, He Threw Up.

We Lost The Crickets," She Said. "even You Can't Make That Sound Tough." ..."i Am Butler," He Said With A Straight-face. "everything I Say Sounds Tough. Now, Get Out Of The Lake, Fairy.

Hilarious, Dude. You Should, Like, Have Your Own Show.

Artemis Fowl Will Never Be Secondary." "i Thought You Were Artemis Fowl The Second?" Said Holly.

Confidence Is Ignorance. If You're Feeling Cocky, It's Because There's Something You Don't Know.

Artemis Felt Like He Was Six Again And Caught Hacking The School Computers Trying To Make The Test Questions Harder

Careful, Mr. Spiro, Guns Are Dangerous. Especially The End With The Hole.

Red Was Smiling Back At Me. "ok. I'm Not In Trouble. But Tell Me Your Heart Didn't Start Beating For The First Time In A Month." I Couldn't Deny It. So I Didn't.

Chaos Reigned, And The Survivalists Eagerly Unwrapped The Kidskin From Their Crossbows. Phase One Of Opal's Plan Was Complete.

Either That Boy Is The Sanest Creature On Earth, He Thought, Or He Is So Disturbed That Our Tests Cannot Even Begin To Scratch The Surface.

So, Let's Make A Deal: If You Do Not Voice All The Withering Comments About The Weight Or Uselessness Of This Jacket That Are No Doubt Swirling In That Big Brain Of Yours, Then I Will Not Mention The Super-laser Episode Again. Agreed?" This Jacket Is Really Cutting Into My Shoulders, Thought Artemis. And It's So Heavy That I Could Not Outrun A Slug. But He Said, "agreed.

I Have To Tell You, Arty, A Screw Up This Early In The Proceedings Doesn't Exactly Fill Me With Confidence. I Hope You're As Clever As You Keep Telling Everyone You Are." "i Never Tell Anybody Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

Artemis: Holly, How Did You Find Me? Holly: Oh, I Saw A Huge Explosion And Wondered: Now, Who Could That Be?

The Problem Is That I Know The Textbook Answers To Any Question You Care To Ask.

Very Well. I Understand. Just ... Shut Up!

Holly, Do You Trust Me?” Holly Groaned. “artemis, Don’t Ask Me That. I Just Know One Of Your Outrageous Plans Is Coming.” “do You Trust Me?” “yes,” Holly Sighed. “i Do. More Than Anyone.

Nobody's Death Is Impending." ..."well Technically Everyone's Death Is Impending.

Chief Of Security : They Have A Tank! How Did They Get A Tank Up Here?

Trust Me. I Haven't Been Wrong Yet.

Look At Those Two. Wasting Time. You Wouldn't Catch Me Doing That.

Who Or What Inspires You?" "i Must Admit That I Often Read My Own Articles In Scientific Journals And Inspire Myself.

...this Is The Only Way. I Will Not Allow Humans Or Fairies To Die When I Might Have Prevented It.” Butler Would Not Give Up. “listen To Yourself. You Sound Like A... Like A Good Guy! There’s Nothing In This For You.

He Threw His Head Back And Sang, "'i Am A Centaur, Yes, A Centaur Is What I Am.' It's Not Like You To Wax, Artemis" "foaly Is Singing," Said Holly. "surely That's Illegal?

(about Dr. Po) Just Another Quack Spouting Psychobabble.

How Was Your... Eh... Trip?" Artemis Felt The Sting Of Tears In His Own Eyes. "um, Eventful.

I Don't Like Lollipops.

The Two Of Them Went Down In A Heap, With Not Even A Turkey To Break Their Fall.

Foaly Twitched His Tail Contentedly. Genius. No Point In Being Humble About It.

I Have Always Loved 'stig Of The Dump.' I Think Reading That Book Made Me Officially Realise That I Was A Reader.

Now Before We Get Into Anything, Ladies, No Scratching, No Spitting And No Tattling To Mummy.

They Have Gone. And The Tunnel Is About To Close. So, Boys, I Am Looking For Someone To Blame.

That Was All He Said, Except For "aaaeerrgghhh." Which Is Not Really A Word. But The Reason That He Screamed "aaaeerrgghhh" Was That Franco Had Bitten Him Savegly On The Wrist.

Sounded Like Girls. Mixed Feelings On That Score. He Didn't Despise Them With The Same Passion He Used To. In Fact, Benny Suspected That There Would Come A Time In The Not-too-distant Future When He Might Develop A Mysterious Interest In Them.

Orion Nodded, Then Asked, “dwarf Cheese?” “cheese Made By Dwarfs.” “oh,” Said Orion, Relieved. “they Make It. It’s Not Actually . . .” “no. What A Horrible Thought.” “exactly.

Friendship Isn't A Science Mudboy. Just Do What You Think Is Right.

Not Me," Said Orion Cheerily. "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild. And May I Say ,young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction." Holly Lifted Her Visor And Looked The Hormonal Teenager In The Eye. "this Had Better Not Be A Game, Artemis. If You Do Not Have Some Serious Psychosis, You Will Be Sorry." "oh, I'm Crazy, Alright. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses," Said Orion Cheerily. "multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

The Sarcasm Made A Slight Whistling Noise As It Flew Over Loafers' Head.

Satan Was Crouched In The Corner Of His Office, Playing A Gameboy, 'die Alien Scum' He Was Saying Feverishly.

Artemis Ducked. Cudgeon Didn't. Guess What? Artemis Was Smarter.

People Are Afraid Of You, Arty. Girls Are Terrified Of You. You’re A Fifteen-year-old In A Bespoke Suit, And Nobody Died.

No, Mademoiselle, I Would Not Like To See The Children's Menu. I Have No Doubt That The Children's Menu Itself Tastes Better Than The Meals On It. I Would Like To Order à La Carte. Or Don't You Serve Fish To Minors?

Thankfully The Rest Of The World Assumed That The Irish Were Crazy, A Theory That The Irish Themselves Did Nothing To Debunk. They Had Somehow Got It Into Their Heads That Each Fairy Lugged Around A Pot Of Gold With Him Wherever He Went. While It Was True That Lep Had A Ransom Fund, Because Of Its Officers' High-risk Occupation, No Human Had Ever Taken A Chunk Of It Yet. This Didn't Stop The Irish Population In General From Skulking Around Rainbows, Hoping To Win The Supernatural Lottery.

Most Craft Give A Nod, However Brief And Unfriendly, Towards Beauty. Vogon Ships Did Not Nod Towards Beauty. They Pulled On Ski Masks And Mugged Beauty In A Dark Alley They Spat In The Eye Of Beauty And Bludgeoned Their Wait Through The Notions Of Aesthetics And Aerodynamics. Vogon Cruisers Did Not So Much Travel Through Space As Defile It And Toss It Aside.

Commander: What's That? Foaly: It's A Finger, What Does Look Like?

Holly Is Alive,' Thought Foaly 'my Princess Lives,'exulted Orion. 'and We're Chasing A Dragon

Sig Sauer. Nine Millimetres. Thirteen In The Magazine. Big Bullets. One Of These Hits You And It Could Blow Your Head Off; Something Even The Magic Can't Fix. Other Than That You Should Be All Right, Presuming You Remembered To Wear The Regulation Above-ground Micro-fibre Jumpsuit Recently Patented By Me. Then Again, Being A Recon Jock, You Probably Didn't.

"i Live For Agressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily, Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn Round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wondered Foaly. "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

Hit That Back-stabber Where It Hurts, Right In The Ambition.

Anything Can Be Real. Every Imaginable Thing Is Happening Somewhere Along The Dimensional Axis. These Things Happen A Billion Times Over With Exactly The Same Outcome And No One Learns Anything. Whatever A Person Can Think, Imagine, Wish For, Or Believe Has Already Come To Pass. Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers.

When I Went To School, I Was Already Reading And Writing. In Fact, I Was Offended That The Other Kids Couldn't.

It Would Take Less Than A Second For You To Die. But That's Quite Long Enough To Be In Mortal Agony, Don't You Think?

Oh, I'm Crazy All Right. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses. Multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

Why Can't We For Once Have A Meeting In Starbucks?

A Pity To Survive Night Flights Over St. Georges Channel Only To Crack My Skull Falling From A Ladder.

Butler,” He Called, His Voice Thin And Childlike In The Wind. “yes, Artemis, What?” “if Something Goes Wrong, Wait For Me. No Matter How It Looks, I Will Return. I Will Bring Them All Back.

If You Were Me, Then I'd Be You, And If I Were You, Then I'd Hide Somewhere Far Away.

Why Can't I Solve This Problem By Killing Someone? She Though Petulantly, Then Comforted Herself With The Mantra That Had Kept Her Going In Prison: "soon All The Humans Will Be Dead," She Said, Droning In The Time-honored Fashion Of Gurus Everywhere. "and Then Opal Will Be Loved." And Even If I'm Not Loved, She Thought, At Least All The Humans Will Be Dead.

Killing Someone

My Bugs Don't Have Bugs.

It's Like Learning To Ride A Unicorn. You Never Forget.

A Cloak Of Invisibility? This Is A Highly Sensitive Piece Of Field Equipment. What Does He Think? Some Warlock Pulled It Out Of His Armpit?

Shut Up, Julius! I Mean, Quiet A Moment, Commander.

You Know You're In Trouble When Your Own Imagination Starts Punishing You.

Other Men Look Up And Down, Left And Right; But Men Like Us Are Different. We Are Visionaries.

I'm Right There With You, Darlin'. Unless You Step On A Landmine, In Which Case I'm Way Back In The Operations Room.

Inside The Mirrored Elevator, Mulch Used A Telescopic Pointer To Push P For The Penthouse. For The First Few Months He Had Jumped To Reach The Button, But That Was Undignified Behavior For A Millionaire. And Besides, He Was Certain That Art Could Hear The Thumping From The Security Desk.

Artemis Looked At Holly And Felt A Tremendous Affection For Her... He Could Properly Appreciate How Fierce And Beautiful His Best Friend Was... She Is Truly Magical, Thought Artemis. Perhaps Her Qualities Are More Obvious To Me Now That I Have Decided To Sacrifice Myself.

I Did What All Good Iriah Dads Do When Faced With A Worthy Adversary..i Said Ask Your Mother!!

A Fifeteen-year Old, Of To Save The World, With Faries. - Angeline Fowl

Humans Have A Saying That "beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder", Which Basically Means That If You Think It's Beautiful, Then It Is Beautiful. The Elfin Version Of This Saying Was Composed By The Great Poet B.o Selecta, Who Said "even The Plainest Of The Plain Shall Deign To Reign", Which Critics Have Always Thought Was A Bit Rhymey. The Dwarf Version Of This Maxim Is "if It Don't Stink, Marry It", Which Is Slightly Less Romantic, But The General Gist Is The Same.

Really, I'm Trying To Care, Artemis, Really. But I Thought It Was All Supposed To Be Over When The Fat Lady Sings. Well, She's Singing, But It Doesn't Appear To Be Over

Certainly, Doctor. Let's Talk About Your Chair. Victorian?

There Is Always A Use For Everything, Victor Had Told Him. Even Pain.

My Truffles? You Took Them? That's Just Mean!

The Theory Of Evolution Has More Holes In It Than A Dam Made Out Of Swiss Cheese.

Theory Of Evolution

Foaly: Anyone See You Come In Here? Holly: The Fbi, Cia, Nsa, Dea, Mi6. Oh, And The Eib. Foaly: The Eib? Holly: (smirking) Everyone In The Building.

Orion Brightened. "i Have An Idea." "yes?" Said Foaly, Daring To Hope That A Spark Of Artemis Remained. "why Don't We Look For Some Magic Stones That Can Grant Wishes? Or, If That Doesn't Work, You Could Search My Naked Body For Some Mysterious Birthmark That Means I Am Actually The Prince Of Somewhere Or Other.

...to Be Injured On This Tundra Would Lead To A Quick And Painful Death—or At The Very Least Abject Humiliation Before The Popping Flashes Of The Tourist Season's Tail End, Which Was Slightly Less Painful Than A Painful Death, But Lasted Longer.

Of Course I Saved You," She Said. "i Couldn't Do Without You." And Because She Was Happy And Flushed With Magic Holly Leaned Down And Kissed Artemis, Magic Sparking Around The Contact Like Tiny Fireworks.

Benny Was Awake Again. Happened Every Morning.

The Only Other Scenario That Could Explain Everything, Up To And Including Your Own Bizarre Apperance, Is A Convoluted Conspiracy Theory Involving The Russian Mafia And A Crack Team Of Plastic Surgeons.

How Did That Go?’ He Asked. ‘your First Lengthy Conversation With A Girl Your Own Age?’ ‘fabulous,’ Said Artemis, Voice Dripping With Sarcasm. ‘we’re Planning A June Wedding.

You Display Inordinate Pride For Someone Who Has Completed A Task Which Could Have Been Performed By A Lesser Primate In A Shorter Time.

It Took Teams Of Lep Warlocks To Slow Down Time For A Few Hours; The Magic Required To Open A Door To The Tunnel Was Stupendous. It Would Be Easier To Shoot Down The Moon. Opal Tapped This Into Her Notepad. Reminder. Shoot Down The Moon? Viable?

If You're Going To Read Five Books, Three Should Be Issues And Two For Fun.

The Name's Bond. James Omar Bond.

This Was A Nightmare Scenario For Any Bodyguard: Stuck In The Middle Of A Transparent Tube, Several Miles Underwater, With A Murdering Band Of Fugitives At One End And An Enthralled But Still Highly Skilled Police Officer At The Other.

I Never Tell Anyone Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

There’s Always Time For Babbling.

Too Much Damned Tv. Thinks He's Sherlock Holmes." "that's Professor Moriarty," Corrected Foaly. "holmes, Moriarty, They Both Look The Same With The Flesh Scorched Off Their Skulls.

Have You Ever Heard Of The Theory Of Relativity?" Artemis Blinked. "is This A Joke? I Have Traveled Through Time, Doctor. I Think I Know A Little Something About Relativity.

It'll Be Messy, But After A Day You'll Be Zipping Around As Though You Were A Thousand Years Old Again.

Are You Saying That You People Knew About These Amorophobots All The Time?" "of Course We Did. They Attacked Us In Iceland. Remember?" "no. I Was Unconscious.

Waitress: "and To Drink?" Artemis: "spring Water. Irish, If You Have It. And No Ice, Please. As Your Ice Is No Doubt Made From Tap Water, Which Rather Defeats The Purpose Of Spring Water.

Onscreen, Foaly Rubbed His Eyelids With His Index Fingers. "yeah, Yeah. Here We Go. Captain Short Goes Rogue Once More. Hands Up Who's Surprised. Anyone?

She Can't Afford To Commit More Troops,' Holly Whispered. 'the Gate Is Her Priority, And She Needs To Have As Many Berserkers Watching Her Back As Possible. We Are Secondary At This Point.' 'that Will Be Her Undoing,' Artemis Gasped, Already Suffering Under The Weight Of The Flak Jacket. 'artemis Fowl Will Never Be Secondary.' 'i Thought You Were Artemis Fowl The Second?' Said Holly.

Butler Was Seeing The World As It Was, Complete With L.e.p Retrival Team

He Knew That Dr. Argon Would Advise Him Against Bottling Up His Emotions As It Would Lead To Psychological Scarring In The Long Term.

Radomosity, Thought Artemis. And He Felt Like Weeping.

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