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Former Vice President Al Gore Starring In A New Documentary About Global Warming. I Believe It's Called [leno Snores]. ... The Film Actually Features Al Gore And Explores His Journey On How He First Got Interested In Temperature Change. It Started Back When He Was Vice President. He Noticed How The Temperature Would Change, Like Whenever Bill Would Walk Into The Room, It Would Get Warm And Whenever Hillary Walked Into The Room, It Got Cold.

-Jay Leno

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Former Vice President Al

Jay Leno

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Former Vice President Al Gore Starring In A New Documentary About Global Warming. I Believe It's Called [leno Snores]. ... The Film Actually Features Al Gore And Explores His Journey On How He First Got Interested In Temperature Change. It Started Back When He Was Vice President. He Noticed How The Temperature Would Change, Like Whenever Bill Would Walk Into The Room, It Would Get Warm And Whenever Hillary Walked Into The Room, It Got Cold.

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African American

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President Obama Was In Disney World Today Where He Unveiled His New Plan To Create Jobs. He Was Joined By Mickey Mouse And Minnie Mouse But Not Goofy. He Had To Stay Behind To Tend To His Vice Presidential Duties.

I Don't Know Why People Are Surprised The French Don't Want To Help Us Get Saddam Out Of Iraq. After All, France Wouldn't Help Us Get The Germans Out Of France.

It Is Said That Life Begins When The Fetus Can Exist Apart From Its Mother. By This Definition, Many People In Hollywood Are Legally Dead.

Facebook Has Revealed Their Estimated Net Worth - $96 Billion. That's Almost As Much Money As Businesses Lose Every Year From Their Employees Wasting Time Looking At Facebook.

Jesse Jackson's In Trouble. They're Going After This Tax Thing. Jesse Said He Will Amend His Taxes To Show The Money That He Paid To His Mistress. See, He Has Just One Mistress. Jesse Uses The Standard Mistress Deduction. As Opposed To Clinton, Who Had To Itemize.

Republicans Are Calling The Bush-cheney Ticket The 'wizard Of Oz' Ticket. One Needs A Heart And The Other Needs A Brain.

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

According To Cnn, Donald Rumsfeld Said The War In Iraq Did Not Go According To Plan. And President Bush Said, 'what? We Had A Plan?'

106 [degrees] In The Valley... I Was Sweating Like Dan Rather Checking For Forged Documents.

The Circus Doesn't Stop. A Federal Appeals Court Has Postponed The Recall Election. How Stupid Are We? Even Our Recalls Get Recalled.

I'm Trying To Sum Up President Obama's First 11 Months In Office. He Gave Billions To Wall Street, Cracked Down On Illegal Immigrants Getting Health Care, And He's Sending 30,000 More Troops To Afghanistan. You Know Something, He May Go Down In History As Our Greatest Republican President Ever.

As If This Whole Thing Isn't Confusing Enough, Election Officials Announced This Week That The Alphabet On The Ballot Will Begin With The Letter R, Then W, Then Q. You Know, Even Sesame Street Is Laughing At California Now.

The Fbi Announced Today That They Are Now Looking For Osama Bin Laden's Financial Adviser. You Think This Guy Is In Demand. How Good Can He Be? His Top Client Is Living In A Cave And Driving A Donkey. It Doesn't Sound Like He Is Getting The Best Return On His Investments To Me.

If Jay Spent As Much Time Studying As He Does Trying To Be A Comedian, He'd Be A Big Star.

The Economy Is So Bad That Bedbugs Are Now Infesting Sleeping Bags And Tents, Because They Can't Afford To Stay In Hotels Anymore.

Today Is April 1, April Fools' Day, A Day That People Try To Fool Their Friends And Relatives. Don't Confuse That With April 15, When People Try To Fool The Irs.

President Obama Wants Congress To Increase The Minimum Wage. Believe Me, When It Comes To Doing The Minimum For Their Wage, Congress Knows What It's Talking About.

People Don't Mind If You Have A Lot Of Money If They Know You're Working For It.

According To A British Poll, You've Only Got A One In Five Chance Of Achieving Your Childhood Career Ambition. Which Probably Explains Why You Don't Run Into That Many Cowboys, Princesses, Or Space Rangers.

I Wanted To Have A Career In Sports When I Was Young, But I Had To Give Up The Idea. I'm Only Six Feet Tall, So I Couldn't Play Basketball. I'm Only 190 Pounds, So I Couldn't Play Football, And I Have 20/20 Vision, So I Couldn't Be A Referee.

The Difference Between Men And Women Is That Men Love The 3 Stooges, And Women Think They're Assholes.

You Know, Something Like 90 People Who Have Now Filed To Run For Governor In This Recall Election. They Say There Could Be As Many As 200 People On The Ballot. You Know, It's Really Easy To Run Here In California. All You Need Is Like A Couple Of Signatures, Not Many, Thirty-five Hundred Bucks, You're On The Ballot, Like That. I Mean, What Does It Say About California? We Have Stricter Requirements To Get On 'american Idol' Than We Do To Run For Governor.

The Bush Administration Said Today There Is A Lot Of Support For Us To Attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, They're All Lining Up.

Thanksgiving Began In 1621 When Native Americans Sat Down With A Bunch Of Undocumented Pilgrims. They Had Dinner And The Pilgrims Never Left.

Native American

Know What The Taliban Leaders Like To Do For Fun? Just Sit Around And Get Bombed.

One Of The Taliban Spokesmen Said They Have Thousands Of Men Who Look Forward To Death Like Americans Look Forward To Living, Which Is Great Because We Can Arrange That. We'll Set Them Up With Death, We'll Continue Living.

Attorney General John Ashcroft Said There Is A New Credible Terrorist Threat. He Said Everything Is Under Control; Not To Panic. And Then He Went Back To His Harmonically Sealed Bunker.

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