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Howard Dean Was Endorsed By Al Gore. Now, If Dean Could Get Gray Davis To Campaign For Him, That Would Put Him Over The Top.

-Jay Leno

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Howard Dean Was Endorsed

Jay Leno

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Howard Dean Was Endorsed By Al Gore. Now, If Dean Could Get Gray Davis To Campaign For Him, That Would Put Him Over The Top.

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Elected Officials

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Changing The Story Until You Believe It.

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Funny Relationship

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Approval Rating

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Cigarette Smoke

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Two Americans Have Been Awarded The Nobel Prize For Economics. They Are The First To Figure Out All The Charges On Their Telephone Bill.

A Review Of Studies By Physicians Found That Excessive Exercise Is Bad For Your Heart. Another Study Says A Daily Serving Of Chocolate Is Actually Good For Your Heart. That's Got To Make Next Year New Year's Resolution Easier To Keep. "i'm Going To Exercise Less. Eat A Little More Chocolate.

John Kerry Said Today That He Wants To Get Rid Of Tax Cuts For The Rich And His Wife Said, 'hey, Shut Up! What's The Matter With You?! Are You Nuts?!'

Every Year Steve Kaufman Supports The Charity “love Ride” By Donating A Painting To This Cause.

President Bush Said That American Workers Will Need New Skills To Get The New Jobs In The 21st Century. Some Of The Skills They're Going To Need Are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Because That's Where The Jobs Went. Who Better Than Bush As An Example Of What Can Happen When You Take A Job Without Any Training.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton Is Now Facing A Kind Of Personal Dilemma. She Can't Decide Whether To Drop The Name Clinton From Her Name, Or Drop The Name Rodham. They Can't Figure Out Which One Is More Embarrassing.

I Didn't Realize It Was October Until I Saw The Chicago Cubs Choking.

In His Annual Economic Report To Congress President Bush Said That The Transfer Of American Jobs Overseas Is Actually Part Of A Positive Transformation That Will Enrich The U.s. Economy Over Time. So Basically, Losing Your Job To Someone Else Can Be A Good Thing. Of Course We'll See How He Feels About That In November.

This Is My Favorite Story Of The Week. The Republican National Committee Is In Trouble After Spending Nearly $2,000 At A Bondage Club In Hollywood. You Know What I Call A Republican Who Spends A Lot Of Money In A Strip Club? A Democrat.

President Bush Said It's Now Time For A Change In Iraq And He Wants Them To Have A Western-style Democracy Like Ours. So Right Now In Iraq, The Economy Is Collapsing, Businessmen Are Corrupt, And Hussein Wants His Son To Take Over As President. Sounds Like Mission Accomplished.

This Is A Strange Country We Live In. When It Comes To Electing A President, We Get Two Choices. But When We Have To Select A Miss America, We Get 50.

Today, President Barack Obama Promised To 'detect And Pursue' American Tax Evaders, As Opposed To His First 100 Days, In Which He Detected And Nominated American Tax Evaders.

What's The Difference Between Lindsay Lohan And Rick Perry? It Only Takes Lindsay Four And A Half Hours To Finish A Sentence.

I Went Into A Mcdonald's Yesterday And Said, 'i'd Like Some Fries.' The Girl At The Counter Said, 'would You Like Some Fries With That?'

I Went To See That Movie 'from Hell,' Or As Osama Bin Laden Calls It - 'roots.'

Osama Bin Laden

A Survey Asked Married Women When They Most Want To Have Sex. 84 Per Cent Of Them Said Right After Their Husband Is Finished.

The Mars Rover Curiosity Has Sent Back Images Of Some Odd Things On The Surface Of Mars, And Some People Think They Could Be Ufos. Here's My Question. If We're On The Surface Of Mars, Aren't We The Ufo?

President Obama Said He Plans On Training 10,000 New Math And Science Teachers. How About Teaching Math To That Economic Team Of His?

The Car Was The Iphone Of The 20th Century. Kids These Days Don't Have To Drive Anymore. They Just Go There Virtually.

Espn Has Announced That They Are Launching A 3-d Sports Network. Industry Analysts Say This Will Absolutely Revolutionize The Way Americans Don't Watch Soccer.

Howard Dean Dropped Out Of The Race Today. At Least He Can't Claim His Voice Wasn't Heard.

John Kerry Now Getting Slammed By The Republicans Because Of A Botched Joke He Did About President Bush And Iraq In A Recent Speech. Kerry Was Stunned About This. He Said, 'what? People Are Listening To My Speeches?'

You Know Who Must Be Very Secure In Their Masculinity? Male Ladybugs.

For The First Time Ever, Overweight People Outnumber Average People In America. Doesn't That Make Overweight The Average Then? Last Month You Were Fat, Now You're Average - Hey, Let's Get A Pizza!

Barack Obama Said Yesterday That The Economy Was 'going To Get Worse Before It Gets Better.' See, That's When You Know The Campaign Is Really Over. Remember Before The Election? 'the Audacity Of Hope!' 'yes, We Can!' 'a Change We Can Believe In!' Now It's, 'we're All Screwed.'

Some Members Of Congress Now Are Complaining They Are Underpaid. They Want To Propose A Pay Raise. You Can't Blame Them. A Lot Of Them Took A Big Income Hit When Enron Folded.

A Survey Released Today Found That Men Spend Twice As Much On Their Mistresses For Christmas As They Do On Their Wives. On The Other Hand, Men Spend Half Their Income On The Wives When The Wife Finds Out About The Mistress. So It All Balances Out.

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