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Governor Gray Davis Has Asked The California State Supreme Court To Delay The October Recall Vote Because He Says That's Not Enough Time To Put On A Fair Election. Hey, Let Me Tell You Something. If We Didn't Need A Fair Election To Pick The President Of The United States, We Don't Need A Fair Election To Pick The Governor Of California.

-Jay Leno

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Governor Gray Davis Has

Jay Leno

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Governor Gray Davis Has Asked The California State Supreme Court To Delay The October Recall Vote Because He Says That's Not Enough Time To Put On A Fair Election. Hey, Let Me Tell You Something. If We Didn't Need A Fair Election To Pick The President Of The United States, We Don't Need A Fair Election To Pick The Governor Of California.

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President Obama Said He Plans On Training 10,000 New Math And Science Teachers. How About Teaching Math To That Economic Team Of His?

It Is Day Two Of The Democratic Convention, And Apparently They Had A Huge Lighting Problem In The Convention Hall Today. They Worked All Day On It. They Still Couldn't Get President Obama Out Of Bill Clinton's Shadow.

According To A Recent Study, Ten Percent Of 'star Trek' Fans Meet The Psychological Criteria For Addiction. Deprived Of Their Favourite Show, Some Trekkies Disply Withdrawal Symptoms Similar To Drug Addicts. Of Course, The Real Difference Is That Drug Addicts Aren't Nearly As Annoying.

Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry Came Down Pretty Hard On Fellow Candidate Howard Dean This Weekend. After Dean Misspoke Several Times, Kerry Said You Can't Misspeak 15 Times In A Week And Be President. And Bush Said, 'you Can't'?

China Is Now Expected To Surpass Japan As The 2nd Richest Country In The World. They Could Become The Richest, But That's Only If We Pay Them The Money We Owe Them, And That's Not Going To Happen.

For Some Reason, The Secret Service Revealed This, That Sarah Palin's Secret Service Code Name Is 'denali.' Turns Out 'denali' Is An Old Eskimo Name That Means 'dan Quayle.'

Major Heat Wave In India - 122 Degrees Today. It Was So Hot People In India Were Sweating Like Americans Waiting To Hear If Their Job Is Being Outsourced To India.

A Lot Of Congressmen Yesterday Were Upset When Kenneth Lay Took The Fifth. Lay Said It Wasn't His Fault. He Had Planned On Testifying, But When Jeffrey Skilling Testified, He Took All The Really Good Lies.

All Of Iraq's Oil Fields Are Under U.s. Control Which Is Ironic Considering All The Gas Stations Here Are Run By Middle Easterners.

Racecar Driving Is A Lot Like Sex; All Men Think They're Good At It.

Espn Has Announced That They Are Launching A 3-d Sports Network. Industry Analysts Say This Will Absolutely Revolutionize The Way Americans Don't Watch Soccer.

It Turns Out Enron Workers Were Not Only Shredding Documents At Work, They Were Having Sex At Work. Having Sex And Shredding Documents. Those Are Two Things You Don't Want To Get Mixed Up.

Texas Governor Rick Perry Said God Is Calling On Him To Run For President. But Michele Bachmann Said That God Is Calling On Her To Run For President. You Know, If God Is That Indecisive, He's Probably For Mitt Romney!

President Bush Appeared With Arnold Schwarzenegger At A Huge Campaign Event. Only In California Can A Governor Who Speaks German And A President Who Can Barely Speak English Try To Make Themselves Clear To An Audience That's Primarily Spanish.

The First Olympic Games Were Held In 776 Bc. Do You Know Who Lit The Flame? Betty White.

London Olympics

The Crime Problem In New York Is Getting Really Serious. The Other Day The Statue Of Liberty Had Both Hands Up.

The Longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, Found Guilty Just A Few Hours Ago On All Charges In His Corruption Trial. Do You Know This Story? He Failed To Report He Had Some Work Done On His House. Yeah, Here's The Bad Part. You Know Who Did The Work? Joe The Plumber. Unlicensed.

California Governor Gray Davis Visited An Elementary School Here In Los Angeles Where He Taught A Class. I Don't Want To Say He Was Unpopular But The Kids Gave Him A Wedgie And Stuffed Him In A Locker.

President Obama Wants Congress To Increase The Minimum Wage. Believe Me, When It Comes To Doing The Minimum For Their Wage, Congress Knows What It's Talking About.

Sarah Palin Has Revealed She Has Tried Marijuana, But She Did Not Like It. You Know, It's Amazing: 200 Million Americans Have Smoked Marijuana. The Only Ones Who Don't Like It Seem To Be Elected Officials. Ever Notice That?

Elected Officials

It Seems The Journal Of Neurology Reports That The Longer You Smoke, The Less Likely You Are To Develop Parkinson's Disease. So What Are They Telling Us? Follow Me Guys. Remember, A Couple Of Months Ago, Doctors Said Drinking A Glass Of Alcohol Every Day Was Good For Your Heart. Smoking Prevents Parkinson's Disease. Marijuana Is Good For Glaucoma. Sex Is Good For Your Prostate. You Know, Screw Health Care. Let's Party!

Jesse Jackson's Wife Was Arrested In Puerto Rico While Protesting The Naval Bombings There. Jesse Said He Was Holding A Meeting With Four Of His Secretaries To Decide What To Do And That These Meetings Could Run Well Into The Night.

On 'meet The Press' Yesterday President Bush Was Asked What He Would Do If He Lost The Election And Bush Said, ''phhh, You Mean Like Last Time?'

Former U.s. House Majority Leader, Tom Delay, Has Been Sentenced To Three Years In Prison. One Year For Money Laundering And Two More For His Performance On 'dancing With The Stars.'

Majority Leader

More Coming Out About Saddam Hussein. We Now Know He Takes Viagra And He Has As Many As Six Mistresses. No Wonder Congress Is Reluctant To Take Action Against This Guy - He's One Of Their Own.

The Worst Thing About Losing This Job: I’m No Longer Covered By Nbc. I Have To Sign Up For Obamacare.

Today, You Get Better Performance From A Ford Focus Than A Ferrari From The Mid-70s. [the Focus] Is Just As Fast And With Better Fuel Economy. It's Fun To See Supercar Technology Trickle Down To Everyday Cars.

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