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According To A Recent Study, Ten Percent Of 'star Trek' Fans Meet The Psychological Criteria For Addiction. Deprived Of Their Favourite Show, Some Trekkies Disply Withdrawal Symptoms Similar To Drug Addicts. Of Course, The Real Difference Is That Drug Addicts Aren't Nearly As Annoying.

-Jay Leno

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According To A Recent

Jay Leno

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According To A Recent Study, Ten Percent Of 'star Trek' Fans Meet The Psychological Criteria For Addiction. Deprived Of Their Favourite Show, Some Trekkies Disply Withdrawal Symptoms Similar To Drug Addicts. Of Course, The Real Difference Is That Drug Addicts Aren't Nearly As Annoying.

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Congratulations

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Osama Bin Laden

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Congratulations

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Majority Leader

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London Olympics

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Hey, Barack Obama Had To Give Up His Blackberry. He's The First Wired President. ... He Might Have To Give His Blackberry Because Of Security Reasons. Because They're Easy To Hack Into. In Fact, When Obama Heard He Might Have To Give It Up, He Said, 'omg! Wtf?' I Mean, He Couldn't Believe It.

The New York Times Has Had Fake Stories. Cbs Has Had Fake Stories. And Now Newsweek Had A Fake Story. You Realize The Only One That Hasn't Had To Print A Retraction Is The National Inquirer

A Second Homeland Security Official Has Been Arrested, A 49-year-old Guy Named Frank Figueroa, He Was Caught Exposing And Fondling Himself To A Teenage Girl In A Shopping Mall In Florida. Do You Realize? If Osama Bin Laden Was A 14-year Old Girl, We Would Have Had Him By Now. ... Who Is Going To Start Protecting Us From The Department Of Homeland Security? ... It Kind Of Makes You Long For The Good Old Wholesome Days Of The Clinton Administration.

Racecar Driving Is A Lot Like Sex; All Men Think They're Good At It.

We Should Make Politicians Dress Like Race Car Drivers -- When They Get Money, Make Them Wear The Company Logos On Their Suit.

Thanksgiving Began In 1621 When Native Americans Sat Down With A Bunch Of Undocumented Pilgrims. They Had Dinner And The Pilgrims Never Left.

Native American

The Other Night, President Bush's Press Conference Was Pre-empted By 'american Idol.' You Know The Difference Between President Bush And 'american Idol?' See, On 'american Idol,' The One With The Most Votes Wins.

Forty Million Americans Smoked Marijuana; The Only Ones Who Didn’t Like It Were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas And Bill Clinton.

Political Analysts Say That President Bush's Re-election Strategy Is To Try And Convince Americans That He's A War President. I Don't Get That, Do You Think That'll Work? I Mean, Don't You Think That If He Tries To Convince The American People That We Need A War President, Isn't He Afraid That They're Going To Vote For The Guy That Was Actually In A War?

Kerry Has Already Begun His Search For A Running Mate. They Say That Because John Edwards Still Has $50 Million In Campaign Money, Kerry Might Pick Him. Pick Him? Hey, For $50 Million, Kerry Will Marry Him.

I Think High Self-esteem Is Overrated. A Little Low Self-esteem Is Actually Quite Good. Maybe You're Not The Best, So You Should Work A Little Harder.

President Bush Admitted That The United States Went To War In Iraq Based On Bad Intelligence. But He Says Knowing What We Know Now He Would Still Do It Again. So At Least We're Learning From Our Mistakes.

Well, All Across The Country, This Is Kind Of Sad, Unemployment Offices Are Swamped With People Waiting To File For Unemployment Insurance. It's Gotten So Bad That The Offices Are Overwhelmed And Can't Function. I Got An Idea. Why Don't You Hire More People? They're Right There In Line. Speed This Whole Thing Up!

President Clinton Says He Looks Forward To The Day A Citizen Can Call The Irs And Get The Right Answer To A Question. I Look Forward To The Day I Can Call The Irs And Get A Voice That Says, 'sorry, That Number Has Been Disconnected.'

My Stockbroker Asked Me Something Important Today: Paper Or Plastic?

There's This Big Pie In Show Business, And You Physically Can't Eat The Whole Pie. If You Give Everybody A Slice Of Pie, You Will Still Have More Than Enough. The Real Trick Is Not To Try To Get The Whole Pie, But To Keep The Biggest Slice.

Ambition Beats Genius 99% Of The Time

So, Wesley Clark Is Running For President. Pretty Amazing Guy. Four Star General, First In His Class At West Point, Supreme Commander Of Nato, Saw Combat In Vietnam, Won The Bronze Star, Silver Star, The Purple Heart For Being Wounded In Battle. See, I'm No Political Expert, But That Sounds Pretty Good Next To Choking On A Pretzel, Falling Off A Scooter And Dropping The Dog.

Enron Is Now Officially Out Of The Energy Business. They Are Now In A New Business: Confetti.

A Review Of Studies By Physicians Found That Excessive Exercise Is Bad For Your Heart. Another Study Says A Daily Serving Of Chocolate Is Actually Good For Your Heart. That's Got To Make Next Year New Year's Resolution Easier To Keep. "i'm Going To Exercise Less. Eat A Little More Chocolate.

I Saw Something Stupid In The Paper Today - A New Alarm Clock That Makes No Noise. It's For People Who Don't Like Loud Noises. Instead, It Slowly Hits You With Light And Gets Brighter And Brighter Until You Wake Up. I Already Have One Of Those... It's Called A Window.

President Obama And House Speaker John Boehner Have Agreed To Play A Round Of Golf Together. Imagine The Two Of Them At The End Of That Golf Game? Boehner Will Be Crying Over His Score And Obama Will Be Giving Three Explanations As To Why His Score Is Actually Better Than It Appears.

Wikipedia Was Offline After An Overheating Problem At One Of Its Data Centers. It Was Pretty Bad. For A While There, People Had Nowhere To Go For Phony, Inaccurate Information.

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