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Remember, You Cannot Be Both Young And Wise. Young People Who Pretend To Be Wise To The Ways Of The World Are Mostly Just Cynics. Cynicism Masquerades As Wisdom, But It Is The Farthest Thing From It. Because Cynics Don’t Learn Anything. Because Cynicism Is A Self-imposed Blindness, A Rejection Of The World Because We Are Afraid It Will Hurt Us Or Disappoint Us. Cynics Always Say No. But Saying “yes” Begins Things. Saying “yes” Is How Things Grow. Saying “yes” Leads To Knowledge. “yes” Is For Young People. So For As Long As You Have The Strength To, Say “yes'.

-Stephen Colbert

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Remember, You Cannot Be

Stephen Colbert

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Remember, You Cannot Be Both Young And Wise. Young People Who Pretend To Be Wise To The Ways Of The World Are Mostly Just Cynics. Cynicism Masquerades As Wisdom, But It Is The Farthest Thing From It. Because Cynics Don’t Learn Anything. Because Cynicism Is A Self-imposed Blindness, A Rejection Of The World Because We Are Afraid It Will Hurt Us Or Disappoint Us. Cynics Always Say No. But Saying “yes” Begins Things. Saying “yes” Is How Things Grow. Saying “yes” Leads To Knowledge. “yes” Is For Young People. So For As Long As You Have The Strength To, Say “yes'.

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Laughter Brings The Swelling Down On Our National Psyche.

Life Is Chaotic And Unpredictable. If A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In One Part Of The World, It Could Cause People At The Opposite End Of The Globe To Watch A Discovery Channel Special On Butterflies

In Order To Maintain An Untenable Position, You Have To Be Actively Ignorant. One Motto On The Show Is, 'keep Your Facts, I'm Going With The Truth.'

Divorce Is Marital Welfare.it’s Just Couples Asking Society To Bail Them Out Because They Didn’t Do Enough Research Before They Got Married.

Ignorance Is Bliss. Oedipus Ruined A Great Sex Life By Asking Too Many Questions.

Northwestern's Alumni List Is Truly Impressive. This University Has Graduated Best-selling Authors, Olympians, Presidential Candidates, Grammy Winners, Peabody Winners, Emmy Winners, And That's Just Me!

Internet Users, That Blue Screen Of Death You Were Looking At This Morning? That's The Sky. If You're Still Confused, Look It Up On Wikipedia Tomorrow.

I Don't Want Someone Shoving His Views Down My Throat, Unless They're Covered In A Crunchy Candy Shell.

I Gotta Tell You, I Do Not Envy Whoever They Try To Put In David Letterman's Chair. Folks Those Are Some Huge Shoes To Fill, And Some Really Big Pants.

Obamacare Takes Effect In Less Than Eight Months. Do You Realize What This Means? If You Go To The Emergency Room Now, You'll Be Covered By The Time You Finally See A Doctor.

If I Had One Wish, It Would Be For Self-drying Pants. Wait -- No! Unlimited Wishes! How Do I Return These Stupid Pants?!

I Did Learn Something Interesting [while At The Atlanta Airport]. You Have To Be A Member Of The Tsa In Order To Legally Perform A Cavity Search. My Apologies To The Staff Of Cinnabon, But You Guys Should Really Keep That Extra Frosting Where The Customers Can Find It.

Cardinal Dolan, Of Course, Has A Very, Very Hard Job: Trying To Hold Up Catholic Family Values In Sexually Liberal New York City. I'm Not Saying New York Is The Gay Mecca. But It's At Least Gay-rusalem.

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."

I Hadn't Intended To End Up There. I Meant To Be A Serious Actor With A Beard Who Wore A Lot Of Black And Wanted To Share His Misery With You.

I Have Two Last Pieces Of Advice. First, Being Pre-approved For A Credit Card Does Not Mean You Have To Apply For It. And Lastly, The Best Career Advice I Can Give You Is To Get Your Own Tv Show. It Pays Well, The Hours Are Good, And You Are Famous. And Eventually Some Very Nice People Will Give You A Doctorate In Fine Arts For Doing Jack Squat.

What The Right-wing In The United States Tries To Do Is Undermine The Press.

There Once Was A Man Name Barack, Whose Re-election Came As A Shock. He Raised The Taxes I Pay, And Then Turned Marriage Gay. And Now He's Coming After Your Glock.

Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.

You Should Spend More Time With Your Families; Write That Novel You've Always Wanted To Write. You Know, The One About The Fearless Reporter Who Stands Up To The Administration. You Know - Fiction.

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