Background Image

...

What I've Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It's So Wonderfully Fair.

-Mindy Kaling

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

What I've Noticed Is

Mindy Kaling

...

What I've Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It's So Wonderfully Fair.

Views: 24181

Topic

More From Mindy Kaling

Looking Back Six Years Ago When I Had Just Come From 'the Office' To 'the Mindy Project' And What I Was Trying To Say Back Then. I Feel Like We Don't Revisit Our Younger Idealistic Selves, You Just Get In This Pattern Of Churning These Episodes Out. Now I Was Like, "let's Try And Get In My Mind Back Then," Because My Life Personally Has Changed So Much, Too. I Just Thought, "what Was I Trying To Say? And Now Can I Make It Look Like It Was All Part Of One Larger Story."

If You're A Kid Who Was Not Especially A Star In Your High School, I Recommend Going To A College In The Middle Of Nowhere. I Got All The Attention I Could Ever Have Wanted.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

I Have An Underdog Spirit In Me, And Now It Feels Weird To Kind Of Get My Own Way More Often Than Not.

I’ve Worked In Television For 10 Years Straight. If I Were A Man, It Wouldn’t Be Considered Strange [to Have Confidence] At All.

That’s The One Nice Thing About Being A Dork About Men: You Can Sometimes Play It Off As Restrained And Classy.

Whenever I Wanted To Talk To Anyone On The East Coast, It Was Way Too Late. Living Three Hours Behind Was One Thing I Complained About. The Other Thing, Of Course, Was Just That There Were No Seasons. I Would Complain About That Too. Just Tons Of Complaining, Man, Early On. I Can't Believe I'm Still Friends With The People I Was Friends With When I First Started In La.

There Are So Many Distractions You Can Face As A Woman, Either With Relationships Or Worrying About, Should I Go To This Party? Or, Should I Be Doing This To Help Me Get Ahead? All [success] Is, Is Doing Your Work And Staying Focused. It's Boring Advice, But Boring Good Advice Is What You Can Get From Me!

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

[being Role Model ]is Good For Me Mentally, Selfishly, And It's Also Nice To Try To Do That For, Especially, Younger Women. I Mean, It's Scary As Hell. ... I Worry About It, But I Think It's A Good Thing To Try To Do.

If You Are Going To Ask Your Crush For Their Phone Number, You Are One Of The Small Group Of Women I Am So Jealous Of.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

I've Always Had That Chip On My Shoulder. I've Just Always Been Super Hard On Myself.

Sometimes You Just Have To Put On Lip Gloss And Pretend To Be Psyched.

There Are Little Indian Girls Out There Who Look Up To Me, And I Never Want To Belittle The Honor Of Being An Inspiration To Them. But While I’m Talking About Why I’m So Different, White Male Show Runners Get To Talk About Their Art.

Another Old Saying Is That Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. But It Feels Best Served Piping Hot, Straight Out Of The Oven Of Outrage. My Opinion? Take Care Of Revenge Right Away.

I Just Have My Characters Say My Controversial Opinions And Then Hide Behind Them.

I Have A Goofy Side That Impacts My Clothing A Lot. To That End, I Love Witty, Colorful, Prints.

I Feel Like The High-concept Shows That Have Some Kind Of Gimmick Tend Not To Be The Hit Classic Shows Of All Time.

I Love Talking About Clothes With Women; It's Like A Code Because Women Dress For Women.

I'm Too Excited To Sleep!

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

The Funniest Racism Is The Racism Between Minorities. It's Something You Don't See Dramatized, But Almost Every Minority I Know Who's My Age, They Have These Funny Stories About Their Parents Stereotyping Other Minorities.

Twitter Is So Short, It's Safe. I Don't Want My Bosses To Be Like, 'hey, Your Script Is Due And We Saw You Wrote Four Blog Pages.'

Your Fear That Your Parents Will Actually Kill You For Dropping Out Of College Is Something That I Think A Lot Of Children Of Immigrants Would Maybe Relate To.

I Was Always A Silent Comedy Nerd. I Would Stay Up Late And Sneak Downstairs To Watch 'saturday Night Live' And 'kids In The Hall,' And Things Like That. Very Early On, My Parents Realized That I Was Not Going To Be An Engineer Or A Doctor. I Just Don't Have Those Inclinations, At All.

That's My Advice To People. You Can't Get Hung Up On Thinking, "am I The Victim In This Situation?" No, I'm In Charge Of It.

When I Have Time To Sit And Reflect On The Different Situations That I Face Every Day, I'll Be Able To Speak More Succinctly About The Challenges As A Woman.

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Thinking About Politics In Your Workplace Too Much. Just Work Hard, Be Cheerful, Ignore Distractions.

It Doesn't Help For You To Name A Character's First Name Be Mindy And Then Be Like, "i'm Nothing Like The Character."

I Had To Learn A Skill Set. I Think I Had The Materials To Be A Good Comedy Writer.

If I Can Muster Up Any Allure In My Life, At This Stage, I Wouldn't Mind Doing That.

My Dream Of Course, As A Writer And A Person Who's An Entertainer, Is: Grow Up To Be Mindy Kaling, Don't Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri.

What I've Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It's So Wonderfully Fair.

Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

I Had These Kind Of Unrealistic Expectations That Were Fueled By Romantic Comedies, And It Has Both Helped Me And Hurt Me In Many Ways. It Helped Me Because, In General, They've Made Me Hopeful. I Just Figure Things Will Eventually Work Out For Me. But Nobody Is Like Any Tom Hanks Character. Nobody Is Hugh Grant. No One Is Meg Ryan!

When I Was A Little Kid, I Wrote This Play About All These Characters Living In A Haunted House. There Was A Witch Who Lived There, And A Mummy. When They Were All Hassling Him, This Guy Who Bought The House - I Can't Believe I Remember This - He Said To Them, 'who's Paying The Mortgage On This Haunted House?' I Thought That Was Really Funny.

This Is Extremely Challenging When You Sound Like A 12-year-old Girl, And You Decide Your First Personal Endeavor Is To Play, Like, A - Like, A Very Macho Dude.

To Put It Kindly, I Am A Very Talkative, Social Person. To Put It Less Kindly, I’m A Flibbertigibbet, Which Is What My Frenemy Rainn Wilson Calls Me.

In Psychology (okay, Twilight) They Teach You About The Notion Of Imprinting, And I Think It Applies Here. I Reverse-imprinted With Athleticism. Ours Is The Great Non-love Story Of My Life.

People Who Are Good At Stand-up, They Sort Of Seem To Have To Do It. Something Within Them Makes Them Have To Go On The Road.

They Talk About How Men Are Chasers, But Women Are Just Like That Too. At Least A Lot Of The Women That I Know, Who Tend To Be Ambitious, Professionally Driven Women, They Love That. Like Seeking Something Professional That Is Hard To Get, I Think They Feel The Same Way About Men.

People Seem To Be Having These Awesome Sex Lives And I'm Just Trying To Find A Life Partner To Go Apple Picking With. What's Wrong With Me?

Why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?

There Are Many Teenage Vampire Books You Could Have Purchased Instead. I'm Grateful You Made This Choice.

Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

Always Wear Flats And Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-step How-to Guide For Avoiding Getting Murdered

I Think Sometimes People Think Cheerful Is A Synonym For Dumb, So No One Is Ever Cheerful.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

There Has Ceased To Be A Difference Between My Awake Clothes And My Asleep Clothes

Nothing Gives You Confidence Like Being A Member Of A Small, Weirdly Specific, Hard-to-find Demographic.

I Think References, Where They Fit Organically, Are Great. It's Great To Do A Show That's Real And Relatable, And So Much Of What Is Real, Is Using Real Things And Instances That Are Specific. Specificity Is The Best Tool You Can Have, As A Writer.

Almost Every College Playwright Or Sketch Or Improv Comedian Was Sort Of Aware Of Christopher Durang - Even Kids In High School. His Short Plays Were So Accessible To Younger People And I Think That Was Inspirational To Me.

We Have This Saying, And It's Been Very Useful When A Series, 'the Mindy Project' Goes For Longer Than A Hundred Episodes, Which Is Mindy Character Can Never Get What She Wants When She Wants It. We Enjoyed It Because It Felt Very Real To Her Character To Make A Big Impulsive Move And It Seems Like She Has Everything, This Instant Family, A Guy She Loves And Then There's A Moment Of Panic.

I'm A Smart Enough Person To Know That I Don't Want Everyone To Be Cookie-cutter Versions Of The Nine Guys Who Wear Converse Sneakers.

Write Your Own Part. It Is The Only Way I've Gotten Anywhere. It Is Much Harder Work, But Sometimes You Have To Take Destiny Into Your Own Hands.

I'm Giving A Lot Of Opinions, But I Don't Give Any Advice. I'm 31 And I'm Not Married And Having Kids. I'm Five-foot-three. I Weigh, Like, 150 Pounds And I'm Not In This Position To Be Telling People How To Live.

I'd Rather Be Like Odysseus Than Someone Who Was Handed Everything.

True Love Is Singing Karaoke 'under Pressure' And Letting The Other Person Sing The Freddie Mercury Part.

What Mindy Has In Common With A Lot Of Women In Their Mid-30s Is That She's Obsessed With Marriage. It's The Entire Premise Of The 'the Mindy Project'. The Pilot Is Her Wanting To Get Married And Her Ruining Her Ex-boyfriend's Wedding. For Someone Who Fetishizes Marriage So Much, We're Like, "ok, Let's Give It To Her And Let's See If It's As Good As She Thinks It's Going To Be." That's Been The Fun Of The Beginning Part Of This Season Is Showing Her What The Challenges Are Of Being Married.

When I've Acted, And It's Not Been Something I've Written Or Have Had At Least A Hand In Writing, I Do Think There Is A Controlling Side Of Me That Is Frustrated By That. And I Actually Don't Think That It's A Bad Thing, Because If I'm Going To Be In Movies, In Large Part They're Going To Be Movies That I Write.

That's What She Said.

When You Only Do 10 Episodes For A Final Season, Every Character And All Of Her Interactions In Every Storyline Have So Much More Import Because It's The Last Time We're Going To Do It. It's Been Really Helpful Saying, "ok, Where Do We Want Each Of These Characters To End?" We Have 10 Episodes To Do It And Working Backward From That, I Kind Of Envy My Friends Who Have Always Been On A Cable Network Because This Is Really That Great Benefit Of Doing It This Way.

..i Find It Incredible Impossible Not To Cry When I Hear Stevie Nicks's "landslide," Especially The Lyric: "i've Been Afraid Of Changing, Because I've Built My Life Around You." I Think A Good Test To See If A Human Is Actually A Robot/android/cylon Is To Have Them Listen To This Song Lyric And Study Their Reaction. If They Don't Cry, You Should Stab Them Through The Heart. You Will Find A Fusebox.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

I Don't Want To Be Skinny. I'm Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don't Beat Myself Up Over It.

I Never Want To Be Called The Funniest Indian Female Comedian That Exists. I Feel Like I Can Go Head-to-head With The Best White, Male Comedy Writers That Are Out There. Why Would I Want To Self-categorize Myself Into A Smaller Group Than I’m Able To Compete In?

Also, Chubby People Can Never Truly Pull Off Ethereal The Same Way Skinny People Can Never Be Jolly.

A Remarkable Thing About Me Is That The Time That Elapses Between A Sad Thought And A Flood Of Tears Is Three Or Four Seconds.

Sometimes I Eavesdrop On People. I Could Rationalize It - Oh, This Is Good Anthropological Research For Characters I'm Writing - But It's Basically Just Nosiness. It Also Helps Me Gauge Where I'm At: Am I Normal?

My Mother Is More Of An Adviser. I Followed Everything She Did When I Was Younger, Because I Looked Up To Her So Much.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog.

I Think A Lot Of People Compare Female Writers Or Female Comedians To Each Other In A Way That Men Are Not. Male Comedy Writers Are Not Scrutinized.

I Have A Great Job Writing For “the Office,” But, Really, All Television Writers Do Is Dream Of One Day Writing Movies. I’ll Put It This Way: At The Oscars The Most Famous Person In The Room Is, Like, Angelina Jolie. At The Emmys The Huge Exciting Celebrity Is Bethenny Frankel. You Get What I Mean.

The Way That Tv Is Set Up Is Very Helpful For When A Show Comes To An End Because As An Actor, You've Got Acting, But As A Showrunner You Still Get To Edit For Three Months And After That Ends You Get To Do A Sound Mix. So, As A Writer-performer In Television, It's A Very Nurturing, Gradual Environment To Say Goodbye To A Show.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.

Declaration Of Independence

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.

When People Call Me Either A Girl Crush Or Their Best Friend, Like, The Best Friend They Want, That's, To Me, The Best Compliment Anyone Could Ever Give Me.

If I Could Make A Device Where People Could Just Intuit Everything You Are Thinking - A Little Cable You Plug Into, Like, A Usb Port, I Would Make A Billion Dollars.

The Internet Also Makes It Extraordinarily Difficult For Me To Focus. One Small Break To Look Up Exactly How Almond Milk Is Made, And Four Hours Later I'm Reading About The Donner Party And Texting All My Friends: Did You Guys Know About The Donner Party And How Messed Up That Was? Text Me Back So We Can Talk About It!

I Fall Into That Nebulous, Quote-unquote, Normal American Woman Size That Legions Of Fashion Stylists Detest. For The Record, I'm A Size 8 - This Week, Anyway. Many Stylists Hate That Size Because I Think To Them, It Shows That I Lack The Discipline To Be An Ascetic; Or The Confident, Sassy Abandon To Be A Total Fatty Hedonist.

You Might Also See That Some Of My Playlists Are Simply Two Songs On Repeat Fifteen Times, Like I’m A Psycho Getting Pumped Up To Murder The President.

What? I Have A Cold. Don’t Get A Look Of Terror On Your Face. The Worst That Could Happen Is That You’ll Get A Cold, Too. You Don’t Have To Theatrically Purell A Thousand Times A Day And Look All Panicky Every Time I Come Into The Room.

I Try Not To Put Anything Political On The Forefront Of What I'm Trying To Do Creatively. At The Same Time, I Do Think It's Wonderful When I Hear People Say That It's Inspirational That I'm An Indian Woman On Camera. My Life Is Very Diverse, And My Friends Are A Diverse Group Of People.

In Junior High, There Were A Lot Of Really Ugly Guys Who Were Popular Because They Made People Laugh. I Was Like, "wow, Comedy Is The Great Freer Of Hideous People." It Was An Incredibly Liberating Thing. If You Ask A Girl, "what Do You Want In A Guy?" 99 Percent Are Like, "i Just Want Him To Be Funny." I Thought, "if That Applies To Women, I'm Set.

I'm Not Good At Anything Except Writing Jokes. I Wasn't Good At Sports, I Wasn't Good At Anything Artsy, Ever. I Think There Was A Real Worry For A While About What I Would Be Good At. I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd.

I Really Think Guys Only Need Two Pairs Of Shoes. A Nice Pair Of Black Shoes And A Pair Of Chuck Taylors.

I Guess When You Go To Business School You Never Turn Business Off.

Business School

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

I Don't Have Very Much Time To Surf The Net, Because It's As Though My Boss Has A Tracking Device On Me. The Instant I'm Looking At A Chloe Sweater On Shopbop, I'll Get A Call In My Office With A Pa Asking: "paul Wants To Know Where You Are And Why You're Not In The Writers Room, And If Maybe You're Online Shopping."

I Regard Romantic Comedies As A Subgenre Of Sci-fi, In Which The World Operates According To Different Rules Than My Regular Human World.

I Initially Thought You Were Ugly, But Then You Walked Closer To Me And I Realized You Were Pretty.

I'm So Much More Confident And Sexy At Thirty-eight Than I Ever Was When I Was Eighteen Or Twenty-four.

I Think As Humans, No One Remembers Their Successes, Everyone Just Remembers Their Failures.

There's The Psychotic Ambitious Side Of Myself That Wants A Fashion Line And My Own Network And Be Like A Combination Of Oprah And Gwen Stefani. And Have A Perfume. Definitely A Perfume.

I Feel Like If I Had My Personality But Was An Ob/gyn, You Would Be Psyched. You'd Be Like, 'my Chatty, Pop-culture-interested But Plainspoken, Wants-to-talk-about-clothes But Serious-minded Doctor.' I Feel Like I Would Clean Up With Patients. That's Kind Of A Cocky Thing To Say.

I Was Obsessed With Being Popular When I Was In High School And Never Achieved It. There's Photos From Our High School Musicals And Things, And I'm Comically In The Deep Background, Wearing A Beggar's Costume.

I Would Love If Gay Men Responded To Me. All I Want Is For Many Gay Men To Dress Up As Me For Halloween.

Because Confidence Is Like Respect; You Have To Earn It.

For Heaven’s Sake, If You Don’t Know Someone’s Name, Just Pretend You Do. Do That Thing Everyone Else Does, Where You Vaguely Say, “nice To See You!” And Make Weak Eye Contact.

Elizabeth Kennedy Is So Chic. Her Gowns Have Such Structure, I Feel Like A Work Of Art.

My Understanding Of The Way Sex Scenes Work Is That You're Surrounded By Crew, And You're Cold, And You Have To Do It Eight Times 'cause They Didn't Get The Lighting. It Doesn't Sound Pleasant, But You Think That Actors Actually Enjoy It?

I Don't Need Marriage. I Don't Need Anyone To Take Care Of All My Needs And Desires. I Can Take Care Of Them Myself Now.

I'm Not Overweight. I Flucuate Between Chubby And Curvy.

Is This A Generation Of Orphans Who Are Going To The Improv To Do Stand-up?

All Women Love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George Vi—at This Point He Could Play The Craigslist Killer And People Would Be Like, 'oh My God, The Craigslist Killer Has The Most Boyish Smile!

I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Picture-hanging Man. I Don't Care If He Takes Prescription Drugs For Cholesterol Or Hair Loss.

Gratitude Is The Closest Thing To Beauty Manifested In An Emotion

I Really Love "bridget Jones's Diary" - And I Love The Book, Too. You Wonder How It Ever Got Made Into A Movie. She's Supposed To Be Chubby, And Two Of The Hottest Guys Ever Are Straight-up Fighting Over Her?

In Terms Of My Indianness, I Try Not To Rely On It Nor Deny It. When It Comes Up Organically In My Writing, We Can Address It. About Five Years Ago, We Wrote This Episode Of 'the Office,' Called 'diwali,' Which Seemed Like An Organic Way Of Using It.

I Have A Thick Skin, Which Comes From Being A Not-really-skinny, Dark-skinned Indian Woman. I Haven’t Fit In Every Place, And So I’m Kind Of Used To Resistance.

In My Writers' Room, Which Is Mostly Men, I Get A Lot Of Questions Like "what Would Be The Quickest Way To Pass As A Seemingly Normal Guy Between The Ages Of Twenty-five And Forty Years Old?"

My Version Of An Irish Exit Has An Air Of Deception To It, Because It Includes My Asking Loudly, “where’s The Bathroom?” And Making Theatrical Looking-around Gestures Like A Lost Foreign Tourist. But Then, Instead Of Finding The Bathroom, I Sneakily Grab My Coat And Leave.

In High School, I Had Fun In My Academic Clubs, Watching Movies With My Girlfriends, Learning Latin, Having Long, Protracted, Unrequited Crushes On Older Guys Who Didn’t Know Me, And Yes, Hanging Out With My Family. I Liked Hanging Out With My Family! Later, When You’re Grown Up, You Realize You Never Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That’s It.

I'm Not Married, I Frequently Use My Debit Card To Buy Things That Cost Less Than Three Dollars, And My Bedroom Is So Untidy It Looks Like Vandals Ransacked The Anthropologie Sale Section. I'm Kind Of A Mess.

I Have Such A Rich Fantasy Life, I Can't Help It. I Do Make Up A Lot Of Romantic Stories In My Head.

Every Day, I Wake Up And I'm Like, "oh, I'm The Star Of My Own Show That Has My Name In It And I Get To Write It And Hire Actors That I've Loved For Such A Long Time!" It's Amazing!

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Smartly Raised Us To Keep Quiet, Be Respectful To Older People, And Generally Not Question Adults All That Much. I Think That's Because They Were Assuming That 99 Percent Of The Time, We'd Be Interacting With Worthy, Smart Adults... They Didn't Ever Tell Me 'sometimes You Will Meet Idiots Who Are Technically Adults And Authority Figures. You Don't Have To Do What They Say.

I Would Rather Have Someone Read My Diary Than Look At My Ipod Playlists.

I Say If You Love Something, Set It In A Small Cage And Pester And Smother It With Love Until It Either Loves You Back Or Dies.

Funny Motivational

I Cringe A Lot When I Look At My Early Talk-show Experiences.

Of Course, Everyone Wants To Be Mythologized In A Great Way.

I, Like Most Women, I Dress For Other Women, I Think. If I Was Going To Dress For Men, I Think In General I Would Be Just Wearing, Like, A Fitted Black T-shirt And Tight Jeans Every Day.

I Think A Lot Of Writers, Male And Female, Write As If Their Parents Were Killed In A Car Accident When They Were 2, And They Have No One To Hold Accountable. And Unfortunately, I Don't Have That. I Have Parents Who I Care About What They Think.

I’m The One Who Looks At The Infant, Smiles Nervously, And As My Contribution To Small Talk, Robotically Announces To The Parent, “your Child Looks Healthy And Well Cared For.

You Should Know I Disagree With A Lot Of Traditional Advice. For Instance, They Say The Best Revenge Is Living Well. I Say It’s Acid In The Face—who Will Love Them Now?

When I Was Twenty-five, I Went On Exactly Four Dates With A Much Older Guy Whom I'll Call Peter Parker. I'm Calling Him Peter Parker Because The Actual Guy's Name Was Also Alliterative, And Because, Well, It's My Book And I'll Name A Guy I Dated After Spider-man's Alter Ego If I Want To.

I'm An Actor And A Writer And A Showrunner And I Edit My Show. ... I Have A Job That Three People Usually Have, And I Have It In One Person. And The Idea That The Critic Thought That I Had This Excess Of Time For Which I Could Go To, Like, Panels Or Write Essays Was Just So Laughable To Me.

I Didn't Completely Forget How To Be Nice Or Feminine Because I Have A Career.

I’m Adorable. I Look Like Keira Knightley Running Errands!

I Can't Have A Big Breakfast Or A Big Lunch Because I Get Very Lethargic, And Then I Get Really Cranky. I Eat, But I Have To Eat Small, Healthful Amounts Of Food.

I Sort Of Refuse To Be An Outsider, Even Though I Know That I Very Much Look Like One To A Lot Of People, And I Refuse To View Myself In Such Terms.

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

Listen, My Body Is Attracted To Your Body But When You Speak It Makes My Brain Angry.

I'm The Kind Of Person Who Would Rather Get My Hopes Up Really High And Watch Them Get Dashed To Pieces Than Wisely Keep My Expectations At Bay And Hope They Are Exceeded. This Quality Has Made Me A Needy And Theatrical Friend, But Has Given Me A Spectacularly Dramatic Emotional Life.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

You Always Want To Keep Your Look Clean And Elegant, But You Don't Have To Do The Safe Black-dress Route. Have Some Fun! Wear Something Colorful With A Hint Of Sparkle.

On 'the Office,' So Much Of The Show Is About Disguising Your True Feelings And Your Romantic Feelings Because It Was A Mock Documentary.

Something That's Happened Recently Is That I Don't Beat Myself Up About Stuff.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.

Why Didn’t You Talk About Whether Women Are Funny Or Not? I Just Felt That By Commenting On That In Any Real Way, It Would Be Tacit Approval Of It As A Legitimate Debate, Which It Isn’t.

Fast Food Is Hugely Important In The Life Of A Comedy Writer. All We Do Is Order In, And What We're Going To Eat Is Hotly Debated.

Writing, At Its Heart, Is A Solitary Pursuit, Designed To Make People Depressoids, Drug Addicts, Misanthropes, And Antisocial Weirdos.

So I’m Into Men Now, Even Though They Can Be Frightening. I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Non-velcro-shoe-wearing Man.

I Always Wanted To Write, Even Before I Realized That There Was A Comedy Writers' World, Or What That Life Was Like. I Never Thought Of Myself, At Least As A Little Kid, In Terms Of Being The Onscreen Talent. I Always Thought It'd Be So Much Fun To Write Sketches And Be A Writer. Even As Little As 6 Or 7, That's What My Main Interest Was.

I Am The Kind Of Person That Is Drawn To Colors Against My Will.

I Am Always Surprised At What Movie Studios Think People Will Want To See. I'm Even More Surprised At How Often They Are Correct.

People Don't Want To Listen To A Celebrity Tweeting About Their Charities And Shows. That's Why Comedy Writers Do Well - We Put Out Little Funny Ideas.

You Should Never Have To Say Hello Or Goodbye. Even At Work Sometimes, And I Know This Is Very Unpopular, Is That If I'm Going To Work Every Single Day, I Don't Think You Should Have To Hug People Hello Every Single Day When You Come To Work. I Saw You Monday!

I Guess Nothing Puts A Damper On A One-night Stand As Much As Your Friend Pointing Out All The Opportunities Where You Might Have Been Killed.

Once I Saw Paris Hilton Leaving A Restaurant In Hollywood And The Paparazzi Cameras Were All Over Her. It Looked So Unpleasant. It Wasn't Because She Didn't Look Sensational - She Was That Perfect Combination Of Fashionable And Slutty - It Was Because The Paparazzi Guys Were Shouting These Insanely Rude And Intrusive Questions At Her. Like, Asking Her Who She Was Sleeping With And Stuff. I Was Kind Of Interested In The Answer, So I Was Glad They Asked, But It Was Still Gross.

My Relationship With My Mom Is Really The Single Most Profound Relationship That I've Ever Had In My Life.

In My Mind, The Sexiest Thing In The World Is The Feeling That You’re Wanted.

Couples Are Really Funny, Because If They Are Together, They Can Fight And Do Fun Things Together. In Jane Austen Books, Marriage Is The End Of The Story, But I Actually Think A Really Funny Couple Could Be A Fun Thing To Watch.

I Have Crushes On Celebrities Or People I Meet Or See In The Coffee Shop, And Every Day I Fall In Love With Three People Simply Because They Said One Funny Thing Or Appeared To Me In A Certain Way.

Falling In Love

I Know A Lot Of People Think Of Me And They Like, Oh That Girl Is Really Sexy, That Girl Is Really Put Together, She Would Never Do Something As Unladylike As A Beet Eating Competition.

I Have Never Regretted Erring On The Side Of Withholding Information.

It Used To Be That You Had To Make Female Tv Characters Perfect So No One Would Be Offended By Your 'portrayal' Of Women. Even When I Started Out On 'the Office' Eight Years Ago, We Could Write Our Male Characters Funny And Flawed, But Not The Women. And Now, Thankfully, It's Completely Different.

My Parents Were Supportive Of My Creativity But Did Not Have A Lot Of Patience For Whimsy With Zero Production Value. They Had Stuff To Do.

Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model.

I Have A Love/hate Relationship With My Body, Some Days I'm Happy With It And Other Days I Wasn't Born With Gisele Bundchen's Body Unfortunately, So You Got To Work For It - But It's Okay.” Madonna “do I Sometimes Look At Gisele Bündchen And Wonder How Awesome Life Would Be If I Never Had To Wear Spanx? Duh, Of Course. That's Kind Of The Point Of Gisele Bündchen.

Here's My Feeling: For Everyone, Men And Women, It's Important To Be A Feminist. It's Important To Have Female Characters. It's Wonderful For Women To Mentor Other Women, But It's Just As Important For Women To Mentor Men And Vice-versa. In My Line Of Work, Having Greg Daniels Be Such A Great Mentor To Me Is Fantastic. Finding A Writer's Assistant, Be It A Man Or A Woman, And Encouraging Them To Think With A Feminist Perspective, Is Key.

I Feel The Same Way About Clothes As I Do About Food. I Want Everything.

Every Actor Pretends That They Hate Sex Scenes, And The Truth Is That They All Love Them, And They're Lying.

I Think As Women, You Know, If You Are Considered A Pioneer In These Things, You Can Get Really Distracted By These Other Things - You Know, People's Demands Of You Reflecting On Your Otherness. And For This White Critic To Say, "i Don't Understand Why She Doesn't Do That" - And You're Like, "it's Because I'm Running A Show On A Major Network And I Want The Show To Continue" - And To Sort Of Guilt Me.

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

Those Who Are Saying It's Possible [to Balance Family And Business] Are Often In A Little Bit Of A Rarefied Place Where They Also Have The Money To Do That. It's Not Quite Such An Easy Stance To Take When You Don't Have The Same Resources. I Like To Remind People That These Are Rich Manhattanites And To Keep An Eye On The Fact That, Especially With Social Media And These Articles And These Blogs, That That Is Not The Reality For Most Women, Unfortunately.

I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd. I Didn't Have A Ton Of Academic Skills. It Wasn't Until I Was In High School That I Was Like, "i Guess I Like Writing Dialogue." So That's How I Got Into It.

I Used To Forget That I Was An Indian Woman. I Would Even Forget That I Was A Woman. I Don't Think Of Myself As Bringing To The Table A Lot Of 'women's Issues.' I Don't Feel The Need To Write About Maternity. I Grew Up Thinking That The Talented People In Comedy Were Hard-joke Writers.

I'm An A Student. I'm Addicted To Feedback, And I Want To Please People. That's Sort Of How I've Gotten To Where I Am.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

What I'd Really Like To Write Is A Romantic Comedy. This Is My Favorite Kind Of Movie. I Feel Almost Embarrassed Revealing This, Because The Genre Has Been So Degraded In The Past Twenty Years That Saying You Like Romantic Comedies Is Essentially An Admission Of Mild Stupidity.

It'd Be Great To Be So Famous That If I Murder Someone, I Will Never, Ever, Ever Serve Any Jail Time, Even If It's Totally Obvious To Everyone That I Did It.

I Don’t Think It Should Be Socially Acceptable For People To Say They Are “bad With Names.” No One Is Bad With Names. That Is Not A Real Thing. Not Knowing People’s Names Isn’t A Neurological Condition; It’s A Choice. You Choose Not To Make Learning People’s Names A Priority. It’s Like Saying, “hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

Woody Allen Is Really The Ultimate. I Love That He Believed In Himself Enough To Do What He Did. And I Have That Same Feeling - That There's Nobody That Looks Like Me In Movies, Nobody Would Cast Me As A Romantic Lead, But I Want To Do It And I Feel Confident That I Can.

Not To Be Weird, But I Still Have An Ongoing Relationship With My Mom, Even Though She Passed Away, And I've Been Surprised At How Much I've Been Able To Convey To Her. Now I Sound Like A Total Weirdo, But That's True.

Twitter Is The Most Amazing Medium For A Comedy Writer. I Can't Get In Every Idea I Want On The Show No Matter How Hard I Try To Bully The Other Writers, So It's A Way Of Me Getting Out Other Comic Ideas And Immediately Getting Feedback.

If It Weren't For My Imagination, I Would Weigh Ten Thousand Pounds. This Is Because The Only Way I Am Able To Exercise Anymore Is Through A Long And Vivid Revenge Fantasy.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

I Am A Super-confident Writer, And As A Joke Writer And As An Actress, I'm Like, 'i Want To Go Head-to-head With Every Person.' I Am An Indian Woman And I'm A Kind Of Double Minority In This World.

Skinny Foodie, Get Away From Me.

There Is Some Pressure When You Are A Woman Doing What I Do That You Must Support All Other Women Unconditionally, No Matter What They're Projecting, Or Writing, Or Producing, Or Putting Forth As Their Art. I Think That's Equally Arbitrary And Random And Unfair, And Kind Of Sexist. The Secretly Sexist Way. I Have Really High Standards For What I Think Is Funny. I Have That For Everything, And I Think It Would Be Disingenuous Of Me To Blanket-ly Love Everything A Woman Has Produced Simply To Make A Statement That We're All In This Together.

I'm Not Into Red Carpet Looks Where It's Clear The Woman Wanted To Look Like A Pretty, Pretty Princess.

There Is A Lot Of Catarsis That Passes Itself Off As Art Or Comedy And I'm Kind Of Critical Of That. I Think That Just Because You Bare Your Soul Or Underwear Or Private Moments It Doesn't , Or Necessarily Make For Entertainment, Or Good Writing, Or Funny Writing.

Hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

Anyone Who's Lost Someone To Cancer Will Say This, That You Have To Struggle To Try To Remember The Person Before The Diagnosis Happened, Because They Really Do Change - As Anyone Would Change.

Bribes And Boy Bands. That’s All You Need To Be A Babysitter.

There Is No Sunrise So Beautiful That It Is Worth Waking Me Up To See It.

I Love Telling Press The Designers I'm Wearing, Especially If They Are Emerging. That's Exciting To Me, Supporting Talented Newcomers.

As My Mom Has Said, When One Person Is Unhappy, It Usually Means Two People Are Unhappy But That One Has Not Come To Terms With It Yet.

Besides, Who Wants To Read About Success, Anyway? Successful Serial Murderers, Maybe.

More Than Half The Questions I Am Asked Are About The Politics Of The Way I Look

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

I Am An Incredibly Impatient Person.

I Notice That A Little Bit At The Office, With, Like, An Actor: If I Decided There'd Be A Certain Way In The Script, It Would Still Seem Open-ended, Whereas ... If I Was A Man I Would Not Have Seen That.

I Write A Little Bit About What It's Like To Be A Female Boss In My Book [ Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?] And The Things I've Noticed About That, But By And Large, It's Just A Tough Job In General.

People Talk About Mumblecore But I Prefer Bumblecore, Hyper-realistic Bee Movies About How Bees Really Are.

Trending Author

Delphine De Girardin

Category