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I'm An Actor And A Writer And A Showrunner And I Edit My Show. ... I Have A Job That Three People Usually Have, And I Have It In One Person. And The Idea That The Critic Thought That I Had This Excess Of Time For Which I Could Go To, Like, Panels Or Write Essays Was Just So Laughable To Me.

-Mindy Kaling

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I'm An Actor And

Mindy Kaling

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I'm An Actor And A Writer And A Showrunner And I Edit My Show. ... I Have A Job That Three People Usually Have, And I Have It In One Person. And The Idea That The Critic Thought That I Had This Excess Of Time For Which I Could Go To, Like, Panels Or Write Essays Was Just So Laughable To Me.

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More From Mindy Kaling

Something That's Happened Recently Is That I Don't Beat Myself Up About Stuff.

It Doesn't Help For You To Name A Character's First Name Be Mindy And Then Be Like, "i'm Nothing Like The Character."

I’m The One Who Looks At The Infant, Smiles Nervously, And As My Contribution To Small Talk, Robotically Announces To The Parent, “your Child Looks Healthy And Well Cared For.

In High School, I Had Fun In My Academic Clubs, Watching Movies With My Girlfriends, Learning Latin, Having Long, Protracted, Unrequited Crushes On Older Guys Who Didn’t Know Me, And Yes, Hanging Out With My Family. I Liked Hanging Out With My Family! Later, When You’re Grown Up, You Realize You Never Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That’s It.

I'm So Much More Confident And Sexy At Thirty-eight Than I Ever Was When I Was Eighteen Or Twenty-four.

[being Role Model ]is Good For Me Mentally, Selfishly, And It's Also Nice To Try To Do That For, Especially, Younger Women. I Mean, It's Scary As Hell. ... I Worry About It, But I Think It's A Good Thing To Try To Do.

As I've Gotten Older, I Can Look At Myself More Clearly And Own The Things That I'm Good At And Work On The Things That I'm Not. Like, I Am Not Skinny. I Know That If I Were To Lose A Little Weight I'd Literally Have More Time In The Morning Because I Know Clothes Would Fit Better. And Now I Can Look At Those Things More Practically. Instead Of Being Like, "what Does That Say About Me?," Now I'm Just Like, "that Would Be Great To Sleep In An Extra Fifteen Minutes Because I Wasn't Trying On Everything In My Closet."

People, You Know, Had Trouble With The Character. Mindy Is Not Immediately Likeable. She Does And Says A Lot Of Things That You Don't See In, Forget Female Characters, Any Characters. Like, She Says Things Like, "i'm Going To Hell Because I Don't Really Care About The Environment And I Love To Gossip."

"why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?" I Didn't Believe It, Because I'm So Contrarian And Suspicious Of Everything. And Then To Find That It's Kind Of True Is Nice.

Live Performance Really Terrifies Me. I Haven't Done It, Really, In Years. I Think That's Why I Retired From My Brief Career In Stand-up.

Besides, Who Wants To Read About Success, Anyway? Successful Serial Murderers, Maybe.

There Is Some Pressure When You Are A Woman Doing What I Do That You Must Support All Other Women Unconditionally, No Matter What They're Projecting, Or Writing, Or Producing, Or Putting Forth As Their Art. I Think That's Equally Arbitrary And Random And Unfair, And Kind Of Sexist. The Secretly Sexist Way. I Have Really High Standards For What I Think Is Funny. I Have That For Everything, And I Think It Would Be Disingenuous Of Me To Blanket-ly Love Everything A Woman Has Produced Simply To Make A Statement That We're All In This Together.

People Talk About Mumblecore But I Prefer Bumblecore, Hyper-realistic Bee Movies About How Bees Really Are.

I Notice That A Little Bit At The Office, With, Like, An Actor: If I Decided There'd Be A Certain Way In The Script, It Would Still Seem Open-ended, Whereas ... If I Was A Man I Would Not Have Seen That.

There Is No Sunrise So Beautiful That It Is Worth Waking Me Up To See It.

I Have A Thick Skin, Which Comes From Being A Not-really-skinny, Dark-skinned Indian Woman. I Haven’t Fit In Every Place, And So I’m Kind Of Used To Resistance.

My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard, Be Quiet, Respect Elderly People, Respect Your Parents, And Just Be Unobtrusive.

I Feel The Same Way About Clothes As I Do About Food. I Want Everything.

The Way That Tv Is Set Up Is Very Helpful For When A Show Comes To An End Because As An Actor, You've Got Acting, But As A Showrunner You Still Get To Edit For Three Months And After That Ends You Get To Do A Sound Mix. So, As A Writer-performer In Television, It's A Very Nurturing, Gradual Environment To Say Goodbye To A Show.

I Worship Makeup. The Basics Are Always: Stila Shadows, Leclerc Powder For My Crazy Shiny Skin, Bobbie Brown Liner Pot, Chanel Mascara, And Koh Gen Do For Foundation, Nars For Colors And Sparkles.

In My Writers' Room, Which Is Mostly Men, I Get A Lot Of Questions Like "what Would Be The Quickest Way To Pass As A Seemingly Normal Guy Between The Ages Of Twenty-five And Forty Years Old?"

Another Old Saying Is That Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. But It Feels Best Served Piping Hot, Straight Out Of The Oven Of Outrage. My Opinion? Take Care Of Revenge Right Away.

When I've Acted, And It's Not Been Something I've Written Or Have Had At Least A Hand In Writing, I Do Think There Is A Controlling Side Of Me That Is Frustrated By That. And I Actually Don't Think That It's A Bad Thing, Because If I'm Going To Be In Movies, In Large Part They're Going To Be Movies That I Write.

Fast Food Is Hugely Important In The Life Of A Comedy Writer. All We Do Is Order In, And What We're Going To Eat Is Hotly Debated.

I Can't Have A Big Breakfast Or A Big Lunch Because I Get Very Lethargic, And Then I Get Really Cranky. I Eat, But I Have To Eat Small, Healthful Amounts Of Food.

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

I Feel Like If I Had My Personality But Was An Ob/gyn, You Would Be Psyched. You'd Be Like, 'my Chatty, Pop-culture-interested But Plainspoken, Wants-to-talk-about-clothes But Serious-minded Doctor.' I Feel Like I Would Clean Up With Patients. That's Kind Of A Cocky Thing To Say.

Sometimes You Just Have To Put On Lip Gloss And Pretend To Be Psyched.

Later, When You're Grown Up, You Realize You Never Really Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That's It.

I Have A Goofy Side That Impacts My Clothing A Lot. To That End, I Love Witty, Colorful, Prints.

I Work So Hard And So Many Hours, And I've Done That For Years And Years And Years.

I Know A Lot Of People Think Of Me And They Like, Oh That Girl Is Really Sexy, That Girl Is Really Put Together, She Would Never Do Something As Unladylike As A Beet Eating Competition.

True Love Is Singing Karaoke 'under Pressure' And Letting The Other Person Sing The Freddie Mercury Part.

In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

There Are Many Teenage Vampire Books You Could Have Purchased Instead. I'm Grateful You Made This Choice.

Bribes And Boy Bands. That’s All You Need To Be A Babysitter.

When You Only Do 10 Episodes For A Final Season, Every Character And All Of Her Interactions In Every Storyline Have So Much More Import Because It's The Last Time We're Going To Do It. It's Been Really Helpful Saying, "ok, Where Do We Want Each Of These Characters To End?" We Have 10 Episodes To Do It And Working Backward From That, I Kind Of Envy My Friends Who Have Always Been On A Cable Network Because This Is Really That Great Benefit Of Doing It This Way.

I Think As Women, You Know, If You Are Considered A Pioneer In These Things, You Can Get Really Distracted By These Other Things - You Know, People's Demands Of You Reflecting On Your Otherness. And For This White Critic To Say, "i Don't Understand Why She Doesn't Do That" - And You're Like, "it's Because I'm Running A Show On A Major Network And I Want The Show To Continue" - And To Sort Of Guilt Me.

My Dad Is Funny In His Own Way, And So Is My Brother, But In Terms Of Legitimately Making A Lot Of People Laugh, That's My Mom. I Inherit My Sense Of Comedy From Her.

I Regard Romantic Comedies As A Subgenre Of Sci-fi, In Which The World Operates According To Different Rules Than My Regular Human World.

As A Kid, I Always Loved Serialized Books. It’s The Reason Why People Love Harry Potter. Serialization Is Amazing. It Works In Television. It Works In Film And It Works In Books. Especially When You’re A Young Kid, You Get Attached To These Characters.

I Do Not Think Stress Is A Legitimate Topic Of Conversation, In Public Anyway. No One Ever Wants To Hear How Stressed Out Anyone Else Is, Because Most Of The Time Everyone Is Stressed Out. Going On And On In Detail About How Stressed Out I Am Isn’t Conversation. It’ll Never Lead Anywhere. No One Is Going To Say, “wow, Mindy, You Really Have It Especially Bad. I Have Heard Some Stories Of Stress, But This Just Takes The Cake.

I Think Sometimes People Think Cheerful Is A Synonym For Dumb, So No One Is Ever Cheerful.

There Is A Lot Of Catarsis That Passes Itself Off As Art Or Comedy And I'm Kind Of Critical Of That. I Think That Just Because You Bare Your Soul Or Underwear Or Private Moments It Doesn't , Or Necessarily Make For Entertainment, Or Good Writing, Or Funny Writing.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

I Fall Into That Nebulous, Quote-unquote, Normal American Woman Size That Legions Of Fashion Stylists Detest. For The Record, I'm A Size 8 - This Week, Anyway. Many Stylists Hate That Size Because I Think To Them, It Shows That I Lack The Discipline To Be An Ascetic; Or The Confident, Sassy Abandon To Be A Total Fatty Hedonist.

My Dream Of Course, As A Writer And A Person Who's An Entertainer, Is: Grow Up To Be Mindy Kaling, Don't Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri.

I Love Telling Press The Designers I'm Wearing, Especially If They Are Emerging. That's Exciting To Me, Supporting Talented Newcomers.

My Dad's Whole Family Is In Madras And I Was Born In America So We Didn't Have That Big Indian Community. I Don't Really Have Anything Interesting To Say About It. When I Talk About It People Are Like, 'meh, Let's Talk About Something Else.'

I'm Not Married, I Frequently Use My Debit Card To Buy Things That Cost Less Than Three Dollars, And My Bedroom Is So Untidy It Looks Like Vandals Ransacked The Anthropologie Sale Section. I'm Kind Of A Mess.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

The Chorus Of “jack And Diane” Is: Oh Yeah, Life Goes On, Long After The Thrill Of Living Is Gone. Are You Kidding Me? The Thrill Of Living Was High School? Come On, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get A Life.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

As A Kid It's Adorable To Have A Gap In Your Teeth. But Then, Because Of The Shifting In My Mouth, I Started Whistling Through It, And As A 32-year-old Woman, Whistling While You Speak In Sort Of Annoying.

I Would Rather Have Someone Read My Diary Than Look At My Ipod Playlists.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

Write Your Own Part. It Is The Only Way I've Gotten Anywhere. It Is Much Harder Work, But Sometimes You Have To Take Destiny Into Your Own Hands.

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Thinking About Politics In Your Workplace Too Much. Just Work Hard, Be Cheerful, Ignore Distractions.

I Say If You Love Something, Set It In A Small Cage And Pester And Smother It With Love Until It Either Loves You Back Or Dies.

Funny Motivational

Gratitude Is The Closest Thing To Beauty Manifested In An Emotion

There’s A Whole List Of Things I Would Probably Change About Myself. For Example, I’m Always Trying To Lose Fifteen Pounds. But I Never Need To Be Skinny. I Don’t Want To Be Skinny. I’m Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don’t Beat Myself Up Over It.

In Junior High, There Were A Lot Of Really Ugly Guys Who Were Popular Because They Made People Laugh. I Was Like, "wow, Comedy Is The Great Freer Of Hideous People." It Was An Incredibly Liberating Thing. If You Ask A Girl, "what Do You Want In A Guy?" 99 Percent Are Like, "i Just Want Him To Be Funny." I Thought, "if That Applies To Women, I'm Set.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.

Declaration Of Independence

I'm Not Into Red Carpet Looks Where It's Clear The Woman Wanted To Look Like A Pretty, Pretty Princess.

I Feel Like The High-concept Shows That Have Some Kind Of Gimmick Tend Not To Be The Hit Classic Shows Of All Time.

Writing A Book Is The Most Terrifying Thing That I've Ever Done. It's So Much Harder Than Writing For Television Because It Is A Completely Different Skill Set.

There Is This Cliche Of, "oh, Your Professional Life Is Fine, But Your Romantic Life Isn't." But, That's Also Really True Of Me And All My Friends. You Don't Want To Not Do Something That's Relatable Simply Because You're Worried That It Might Be Cliche.

I Feel Like I'm In The Right Profession.

Hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

What I've Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It's So Wonderfully Fair.

Because Confidence Is Like Respect; You Have To Earn It.

I Was Obsessed With Being Popular When I Was In High School And Never Achieved It. There's Photos From Our High School Musicals And Things, And I'm Comically In The Deep Background, Wearing A Beggar's Costume.

I Am A Super-confident Writer, And As A Joke Writer And As An Actress, I'm Like, 'i Want To Go Head-to-head With Every Person.' I Am An Indian Woman And I'm A Kind Of Double Minority In This World.

I Always Knew I Wanted Kids, But When My Mom Passed Away I Was Like, 'i Want A Bunch Of Kids. I Want Three Kids Or Four Kids, And I Want To Have That Relationship Again.' I Can't Bring My Mom Back, But I Can Have Children.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

I Cringe A Lot When I Look At My Early Talk-show Experiences.

I'm Someone Who Loves Romance. I Always Have Loved It. Most People Who Grew Up As Nerds, As I Was, Surprisingly, Have Loved Romance.

I Try Not To Put Anything Political On The Forefront Of What I'm Trying To Do Creatively. At The Same Time, I Do Think It's Wonderful When I Hear People Say That It's Inspirational That I'm An Indian Woman On Camera. My Life Is Very Diverse, And My Friends Are A Diverse Group Of People.

I Think As Humans, No One Remembers Their Successes, Everyone Just Remembers Their Failures.

I Initially Thought You Were Ugly, But Then You Walked Closer To Me And I Realized You Were Pretty.

I Found It To Be Smooth Sailing - 100 Percent Smooth Sailing My Whole Career.

Directing Is Exhausting, But Not For The Actual Directing Part, When You Say "action!" And Give Creative Notes. As A Director, The Exhausting Part Is That You Are A Professional Answer-machine.

I'm Not Good At Anything Except Writing Jokes. I Wasn't Good At Sports, I Wasn't Good At Anything Artsy, Ever. I Think There Was A Real Worry For A While About What I Would Be Good At. I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd.

I Guess When You Go To Business School You Never Turn Business Off.

Business School

I Have A Great Job Writing For “the Office,” But, Really, All Television Writers Do Is Dream Of One Day Writing Movies. I’ll Put It This Way: At The Oscars The Most Famous Person In The Room Is, Like, Angelina Jolie. At The Emmys The Huge Exciting Celebrity Is Bethenny Frankel. You Get What I Mean.

That's What She Said.

I'm Not Overweight. I Flucuate Between Chubby And Curvy.

I'm Indian-american And I Think That When I Think Of Myself As Being Culturally Indian, It Had So Much To Do With When I Lived With My Parents And Was A Kid Because They Would Take Me To The Diwali Festivals. They Would Take Me To The Temple, And They Would Teach Me About All The Different Holidays.

As My Mom Has Said, When One Person Is Unhappy, It Usually Means Two People Are Unhappy But That One Has Not Come To Terms With It Yet.

I've Always Assumed That My Parents And My In-laws Would Live With Me When I Get Older And Have Children. I Just Assume It Will Happen And That It's The Right Way To Do Things. It's A Deeply Indian Custom - That You Kind Of Inherit Your Parents And Your Spouse's Parents And You Take Care Of Them Eventually.

Looking Back Six Years Ago When I Had Just Come From 'the Office' To 'the Mindy Project' And What I Was Trying To Say Back Then. I Feel Like We Don't Revisit Our Younger Idealistic Selves, You Just Get In This Pattern Of Churning These Episodes Out. Now I Was Like, "let's Try And Get In My Mind Back Then," Because My Life Personally Has Changed So Much, Too. I Just Thought, "what Was I Trying To Say? And Now Can I Make It Look Like It Was All Part Of One Larger Story."

I Would Say That My Mother Is The Single Biggest Role Model In My Life, But That Term Doesn't Seem To Encompass Enough When I Use It About Her. She Was The Love Of My Life.

I Am Always Surprised At What Movie Studios Think People Will Want To See. I'm Even More Surprised At How Often They Are Correct.

Sarah [silverman] Writes Her Own Jokes. She Doesn't Just Go Through Her Life And Talk About Everything. She Sits Down And Crafts Jokes. Sometimes Her Inspiration Comes From Areas Of Her Life That Are Risqué. But She Is An A-plus Professional Joke-writer In Addition To Being Very Attractive And A Great Performer.

I Love 'the Office.' I'm In The Premiere, And I'm Maybe Gonna Shoot Another Episode This Season, But I've Been There Since The Very Beginning, So When I Found Out This Is The Last Year - I Am A Good Asian Kid Who Was An A Student - I Wish I Could Be There To The End To See Things Through.

I Really Think Guys Only Need Two Pairs Of Shoes. A Nice Pair Of Black Shoes And A Pair Of Chuck Taylors.

I Don't Want To Be Skinny. I'm Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don't Beat Myself Up Over It.

Always Wear Flats And Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-step How-to Guide For Avoiding Getting Murdered

People Who Are Good At Stand-up, They Sort Of Seem To Have To Do It. Something Within Them Makes Them Have To Go On The Road.

I Don’t Think It Should Be Socially Acceptable For People To Say They Are “bad With Names.” No One Is Bad With Names. That Is Not A Real Thing. Not Knowing People’s Names Isn’t A Neurological Condition; It’s A Choice. You Choose Not To Make Learning People’s Names A Priority. It’s Like Saying, “hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

I've Been Working In Television For So Long, Since 2004, And I Just Worked Nonstop Throughout That Time And I've Learned So Much. I've Definitely Done That 10,000 Hours. I Know The Format Really Well And I Feel Comfortable In It. I'm Excited About Going Into Something I'm Not So Comfortable In, Which Is Film.

I've Always Had That Chip On My Shoulder. I've Just Always Been Super Hard On Myself.

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

Whenever I Wanted To Talk To Anyone On The East Coast, It Was Way Too Late. Living Three Hours Behind Was One Thing I Complained About. The Other Thing, Of Course, Was Just That There Were No Seasons. I Would Complain About That Too. Just Tons Of Complaining, Man, Early On. I Can't Believe I'm Still Friends With The People I Was Friends With When I First Started In La.

When People Call Me Either A Girl Crush Or Their Best Friend, Like, The Best Friend They Want, That's, To Me, The Best Compliment Anyone Could Ever Give Me.

All Women Love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George Vi—at This Point He Could Play The Craigslist Killer And People Would Be Like, 'oh My God, The Craigslist Killer Has The Most Boyish Smile!

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

We Have This Saying, And It's Been Very Useful When A Series, 'the Mindy Project' Goes For Longer Than A Hundred Episodes, Which Is Mindy Character Can Never Get What She Wants When She Wants It. We Enjoyed It Because It Felt Very Real To Her Character To Make A Big Impulsive Move And It Seems Like She Has Everything, This Instant Family, A Guy She Loves And Then There's A Moment Of Panic.

Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

I Think That It's Insidious To Be Spending More Of Your Time Reflecting And Talking About Panels, And Talking More And More In Smart Ways About Your Otherness, Rather Than Doing The Hard Work Of Your Job.

They Talk About How Men Are Chasers, But Women Are Just Like That Too. At Least A Lot Of The Women That I Know, Who Tend To Be Ambitious, Professionally Driven Women, They Love That. Like Seeking Something Professional That Is Hard To Get, I Think They Feel The Same Way About Men.

When Smart People Are Nice, It's Always Terrifying, Because I Know They're Taking In Everything And Thinking All Kinds Of Smart And Potentially Judgmental Things.

If You're A Kid Who Was Not Especially A Star In Your High School, I Recommend Going To A College In The Middle Of Nowhere. I Got All The Attention I Could Ever Have Wanted.

I Get So Worried About Girls With Body Image Stuff And I Feel Like I Have Been Able To Have A Fun Career And Be An On-camera Talent And Be Someone Who Has Boyfriends And Love Interests And Wears Nice Clothes And Those Kinds Of Things Without Having To Be An Emaciated Stick. And It Is Possible To Do It. In Life, You Don't Have To Be That Way And You Can Have A Great Life, A Fun Life, And A Fulfilling Love Life.

I Don't Mind That If I Ever Star In Movies, They'll Likely Be Mine. That's Okay, Because My Great Role Models - Woody Allen, Even Tyler Perry, Who Is Actually One Of My Role Models, Even If That Seems Kind Of Strange - They Do That Themselves. And It's Great. They Build Empires, And They're Known As Having Their Own Voice. I Think It's 20 Times More Fun To Act On A Set Where I Feel The Freedom To Change The Dialogue.

If I Can Muster Up Any Allure In My Life, At This Stage, I Wouldn't Mind Doing That.

I Was Always A Silent Comedy Nerd. I Would Stay Up Late And Sneak Downstairs To Watch 'saturday Night Live' And 'kids In The Hall,' And Things Like That. Very Early On, My Parents Realized That I Was Not Going To Be An Engineer Or A Doctor. I Just Don't Have Those Inclinations, At All.

Skinny Foodie, Get Away From Me.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog.

Your Fear That Your Parents Will Actually Kill You For Dropping Out Of College Is Something That I Think A Lot Of Children Of Immigrants Would Maybe Relate To.

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.

This Is Extremely Challenging When You Sound Like A 12-year-old Girl, And You Decide Your First Personal Endeavor Is To Play, Like, A - Like, A Very Macho Dude.

I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Picture-hanging Man. I Don't Care If He Takes Prescription Drugs For Cholesterol Or Hair Loss.

I Was Kind Of Unfriendly And Suspicious Of Everyone Around Me. I Didn't Talk Until I Was About 15. It's A Kind Of Famous Story At My House.

Is This A Generation Of Orphans Who Are Going To The Improv To Do Stand-up?

Nothing Gives You Confidence Like Being A Member Of A Small, Weirdly Specific, Hard-to-find Demographic.

You Should Know I Disagree With A Lot Of Traditional Advice. For Instance, They Say The Best Revenge Is Living Well. I Say It’s Acid In The Face—who Will Love Them Now?

Running Is A Quick Trigger For A Good Mood. The Great Thing About Endorphins, You Don't Have To Be In Great Shape To Get Them.

So I’m Into Men Now, Even Though They Can Be Frightening. I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Non-velcro-shoe-wearing Man.

I Think I've Always Wanted To Be A Role Model, And I Think ... Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model. I Think It's Like The Thing Keeping Me Out Of Jail.

I Think That When You're 5'4" And 150 Pounds And You Love To Chat And You Have A Blog About Shopping, Trying To Maintain A Tiny Bit Of Mystery Where You Possibly Can Is Not A Bad Thing.

I'm An A Student. I'm Addicted To Feedback, And I Want To Please People. That's Sort Of How I've Gotten To Where I Am.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

The Funniest Racism Is The Racism Between Minorities. It's Something You Don't See Dramatized, But Almost Every Minority I Know Who's My Age, They Have These Funny Stories About Their Parents Stereotyping Other Minorities.

I Just Have My Characters Say My Controversial Opinions And Then Hide Behind Them.

If I’m At A Party Where I’m Not Enjoying Myself, I Will Put Some Cookies In My Jacket Pocket And Leave Without Saying Good-bye.

The Overlap In The Venn Diagram Of Things That Men Hate For Women To Wear And The Things That I Love To Wear, It's Almost A Full Overlap On The Venn Diagram, Which Is Unfortunate For Me.

When I Was Growing Up, I Didn't Do Plays In Downtown Boston, And My Parents Weren't Putting Me In Auditions. They Never Thought, Oh, She Has A Gift! They Never Thought Of Me As An Entertainer When I Was A Young Kid.

I’ve Worked In Television For 10 Years Straight. If I Were A Man, It Wouldn’t Be Considered Strange [to Have Confidence] At All.

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

When Men Hear Women Want A Commitment, They Think It Means Commitment To A Romantic Relationship, But That's Not It. It's A Commitment To Not Floating Around Anymore. I Want A Guy Who Is Entrenched In His Own Life. Entrenched Is Awesome.

I Love That 'much Ado About Nothing,' Passionate, Smart Fighting. I Love Fighting With Guys, And That's Something That I Don't Get To See: Arguing At A High Level With A Member Of The Opposite Sex. That Didn't Really Happen That Much On 'the Office.' I Just Like That 'moonlighting,' Benedick-beatrice Type Of Thing.

I Love Talking About Clothes With Women; It's Like A Code Because Women Dress For Women.

Woody Allen Is Really The Ultimate. I Love That He Believed In Himself Enough To Do What He Did. And I Have That Same Feeling - That There's Nobody That Looks Like Me In Movies, Nobody Would Cast Me As A Romantic Lead, But I Want To Do It And I Feel Confident That I Can.

It Makes Me Cry Because It Means That Fewer And Fewer People Are Believing It's Cool To Want What I Want, Which Is To Be Married And Have Kids And Love Each Other In A Monogamous, Long-lasting Relationship.

I Am The Kind Of Person That Is Drawn To Colors Against My Will.

My Understanding Of The Way Sex Scenes Work Is That You're Surrounded By Crew, And You're Cold, And You Have To Do It Eight Times 'cause They Didn't Get The Lighting. It Doesn't Sound Pleasant, But You Think That Actors Actually Enjoy It?

You Should Never Have To Say Hello Or Goodbye. Even At Work Sometimes, And I Know This Is Very Unpopular, Is That If I'm Going To Work Every Single Day, I Don't Think You Should Have To Hug People Hello Every Single Day When You Come To Work. I Saw You Monday!

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

Why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?

Albums That Remind Me Of My Childhood Happiness Make Me Incredibly Sad Now.

If I'm Going To Be A Mess, I Might As Well Be A Hot Mess, Right?

In My Mind, The Sexiest Thing In The World Is The Feeling That You’re Wanted.

My Mother Is More Of An Adviser. I Followed Everything She Did When I Was Younger, Because I Looked Up To Her So Much.

Also, Chubby People Can Never Truly Pull Off Ethereal The Same Way Skinny People Can Never Be Jolly.

People Seem To Be Having These Awesome Sex Lives And I'm Just Trying To Find A Life Partner To Go Apple Picking With. What's Wrong With Me?

Every Actor Pretends That They Hate Sex Scenes, And The Truth Is That They All Love Them, And They're Lying.

My Version Of An Irish Exit Has An Air Of Deception To It, Because It Includes My Asking Loudly, “where’s The Bathroom?” And Making Theatrical Looking-around Gestures Like A Lost Foreign Tourist. But Then, Instead Of Finding The Bathroom, I Sneakily Grab My Coat And Leave.

That's My Advice To People. You Can't Get Hung Up On Thinking, "am I The Victim In This Situation?" No, I'm In Charge Of It.

It'd Be Great To Be So Famous That If I Murder Someone, I Will Never, Ever, Ever Serve Any Jail Time, Even If It's Totally Obvious To Everyone That I Did It.

In Terms Of My Indianness, I Try Not To Rely On It Nor Deny It. When It Comes Up Organically In My Writing, We Can Address It. About Five Years Ago, We Wrote This Episode Of 'the Office,' Called 'diwali,' Which Seemed Like An Organic Way Of Using It.

I Find It Very Sad That So Many Girls Who Look Up To Me Are Young Women Of Color Who Have Been Told That They Are Ugly, And Who Feel That They Are Not Normal...i Think It's So Important That Women Look Like Me Find That They Can Be Beautiful Or Objects Of Love, Attention And Affection.

I Just Want Ambitious Teenagers To Know It Is Totally Fine To Be Quite, Observant Kids. Besides Being A Delight To Your Parents, You Will Find You Have Plenty Of Time Later To Catch Up.

If I Gave My Mother A Knitted Scarf She'd Be Worried I Was Wasting My Time Doing Stupid Stuff Like Knitting Instead Of School Work. Presenting A Homemade Knitted Object To My Parents Was Actually Like Handing Them A Detailed Backlog Of My Idleness.

I Think References, Where They Fit Organically, Are Great. It's Great To Do A Show That's Real And Relatable, And So Much Of What Is Real, Is Using Real Things And Instances That Are Specific. Specificity Is The Best Tool You Can Have, As A Writer.

If You Are Going To Ask Your Crush For Their Phone Number, You Are One Of The Small Group Of Women I Am So Jealous Of.

I Have A Whole System Down For Returning Online Shopping: A Tape Gun, A Printer For Return Labels. That Has Replaced Traditional Window Shopping In My Life, As I've Gotten Busier.

Window Shopping

On 'the Office,' So Much Of The Show Is About Disguising Your True Feelings And Your Romantic Feelings Because It Was A Mock Documentary.

I'm A Smart Enough Person To Know That I Don't Want Everyone To Be Cookie-cutter Versions Of The Nine Guys Who Wear Converse Sneakers.

There Are Little Indian Girls Out There Who Look Up To Me, And I Never Want To Belittle The Honor Of Being An Inspiration To Them. But While I’m Talking About Why I’m So Different, White Male Show Runners Get To Talk About Their Art.

What I'd Really Like To Write Is A Romantic Comedy. This Is My Favorite Kind Of Movie. I Feel Almost Embarrassed Revealing This, Because The Genre Has Been So Degraded In The Past Twenty Years That Saying You Like Romantic Comedies Is Essentially An Admission Of Mild Stupidity.

I Have Crushes On Celebrities Or People I Meet Or See In The Coffee Shop, And Every Day I Fall In Love With Three People Simply Because They Said One Funny Thing Or Appeared To Me In A Certain Way.

Falling In Love

Of Course, Everyone Wants To Be Mythologized In A Great Way.

I'm Too Excited To Sleep!

Every Day, I Wake Up And I'm Like, "oh, I'm The Star Of My Own Show That Has My Name In It And I Get To Write It And Hire Actors That I've Loved For Such A Long Time!" It's Amazing!

When I Was A Little Kid, I Wrote This Play About All These Characters Living In A Haunted House. There Was A Witch Who Lived There, And A Mummy. When They Were All Hassling Him, This Guy Who Bought The House - I Can't Believe I Remember This - He Said To Them, 'who's Paying The Mortgage On This Haunted House?' I Thought That Was Really Funny.

To Have A Complete Outfit Designed, For Me, Is Easier Than Trying To Find Pieces That Work Together.

Working Together

There's The Psychotic Ambitious Side Of Myself That Wants A Fashion Line And My Own Network And Be Like A Combination Of Oprah And Gwen Stefani. And Have A Perfume. Definitely A Perfume.

For Heaven’s Sake, If You Don’t Know Someone’s Name, Just Pretend You Do. Do That Thing Everyone Else Does, Where You Vaguely Say, “nice To See You!” And Make Weak Eye Contact.

I Hated L.a. For A Long Time, And I Wanted To Leave It. I Had These Fantasies Of Going To 'snl' And Falling In Love With Some Writer On 'snl,' Of Getting Married And Living In New York.

Falling In Love

What Mindy Has In Common With A Lot Of Women In Their Mid-30s Is That She's Obsessed With Marriage. It's The Entire Premise Of The 'the Mindy Project'. The Pilot Is Her Wanting To Get Married And Her Ruining Her Ex-boyfriend's Wedding. For Someone Who Fetishizes Marriage So Much, We're Like, "ok, Let's Give It To Her And Let's See If It's As Good As She Thinks It's Going To Be." That's Been The Fun Of The Beginning Part Of This Season Is Showing Her What The Challenges Are Of Being Married.

I'm The Kind Of Person Who Would Rather Get My Hopes Up Really High And Watch Them Get Dashed To Pieces Than Wisely Keep My Expectations At Bay And Hope They Are Exceeded. This Quality Has Made Me A Needy And Theatrical Friend, But Has Given Me A Spectacularly Dramatic Emotional Life.

Right Now, I'm Hankering For New Adventures... Ninety Percent Of The Time I'm Having Romantic-comedy Fantasies In Which I'm Wearing Little Pencil Skirts And Hurrying Down To The Subway.

Everyone Has A Moment When They Discover They Love Amy Poehler.

The Internet Also Makes It Extraordinarily Difficult For Me To Focus. One Small Break To Look Up Exactly How Almond Milk Is Made, And Four Hours Later I'm Reading About The Donner Party And Texting All My Friends: Did You Guys Know About The Donner Party And How Messed Up That Was? Text Me Back So We Can Talk About It!

..i Find It Incredible Impossible Not To Cry When I Hear Stevie Nicks's "landslide," Especially The Lyric: "i've Been Afraid Of Changing, Because I've Built My Life Around You." I Think A Good Test To See If A Human Is Actually A Robot/android/cylon Is To Have Them Listen To This Song Lyric And Study Their Reaction. If They Don't Cry, You Should Stab Them Through The Heart. You Will Find A Fusebox.

If I Could Make A Device Where People Could Just Intuit Everything You Are Thinking - A Little Cable You Plug Into, Like, A Usb Port, I Would Make A Billion Dollars.

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

I Sort Of Refuse To Be An Outsider, Even Though I Know That I Very Much Look Like One To A Lot Of People, And I Refuse To View Myself In Such Terms.

I Have Such A Rich Fantasy Life, I Can't Help It. I Do Make Up A Lot Of Romantic Stories In My Head.

I Didn't Completely Forget How To Be Nice Or Feminine Because I Have A Career.

When I Was Twenty-five, I Went On Exactly Four Dates With A Much Older Guy Whom I'll Call Peter Parker. I'm Calling Him Peter Parker Because The Actual Guy's Name Was Also Alliterative, And Because, Well, It's My Book And I'll Name A Guy I Dated After Spider-man's Alter Ego If I Want To.

What? I Have A Cold. Don’t Get A Look Of Terror On Your Face. The Worst That Could Happen Is That You’ll Get A Cold, Too. You Don’t Have To Theatrically Purell A Thousand Times A Day And Look All Panicky Every Time I Come Into The Room.

That’s The One Nice Thing About Being A Dork About Men: You Can Sometimes Play It Off As Restrained And Classy.

People Take Things At Face Value On Social Media. Earnestness Is The Assumption.

Anyone Who's Lost Someone To Cancer Will Say This, That You Have To Struggle To Try To Remember The Person Before The Diagnosis Happened, Because They Really Do Change - As Anyone Would Change.

I Had These Kind Of Unrealistic Expectations That Were Fueled By Romantic Comedies, And It Has Both Helped Me And Hurt Me In Many Ways. It Helped Me Because, In General, They've Made Me Hopeful. I Just Figure Things Will Eventually Work Out For Me. But Nobody Is Like Any Tom Hanks Character. Nobody Is Hugh Grant. No One Is Meg Ryan!

I Don't Need Marriage. I Don't Need Anyone To Take Care Of All My Needs And Desires. I Can Take Care Of Them Myself Now.

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Gennifer Flowers

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