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I'm The Kind Of Person Who Would Rather Get My Hopes Up Really High And Watch Them Get Dashed To Pieces Than Wisely Keep My Expectations At Bay And Hope They Are Exceeded. This Quality Has Made Me A Needy And Theatrical Friend, But Has Given Me A Spectacularly Dramatic Emotional Life.

-Mindy Kaling

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I'm The Kind Of

Mindy Kaling

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I'm The Kind Of Person Who Would Rather Get My Hopes Up Really High And Watch Them Get Dashed To Pieces Than Wisely Keep My Expectations At Bay And Hope They Are Exceeded. This Quality Has Made Me A Needy And Theatrical Friend, But Has Given Me A Spectacularly Dramatic Emotional Life.

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Live Performance Really Terrifies Me. I Haven't Done It, Really, In Years. I Think That's Why I Retired From My Brief Career In Stand-up.

Why Didn’t You Talk About Whether Women Are Funny Or Not? I Just Felt That By Commenting On That In Any Real Way, It Would Be Tacit Approval Of It As A Legitimate Debate, Which It Isn’t.

In High School, I Had Fun In My Academic Clubs, Watching Movies With My Girlfriends, Learning Latin, Having Long, Protracted, Unrequited Crushes On Older Guys Who Didn’t Know Me, And Yes, Hanging Out With My Family. I Liked Hanging Out With My Family! Later, When You’re Grown Up, You Realize You Never Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That’s It.

I Love 'the Office.' I'm In The Premiere, And I'm Maybe Gonna Shoot Another Episode This Season, But I've Been There Since The Very Beginning, So When I Found Out This Is The Last Year - I Am A Good Asian Kid Who Was An A Student - I Wish I Could Be There To The End To See Things Through.

Listen, My Body Is Attracted To Your Body But When You Speak It Makes My Brain Angry.

I Am An Incredibly Impatient Person.

My Dad Is Funny In His Own Way, And So Is My Brother, But In Terms Of Legitimately Making A Lot Of People Laugh, That's My Mom. I Inherit My Sense Of Comedy From Her.

I Have A Whole System Down For Returning Online Shopping: A Tape Gun, A Printer For Return Labels. That Has Replaced Traditional Window Shopping In My Life, As I've Gotten Busier.

Window Shopping

That’s The One Nice Thing About Being A Dork About Men: You Can Sometimes Play It Off As Restrained And Classy.

Something That's Happened Recently Is That I Don't Beat Myself Up About Stuff.

Here's My Feeling: For Everyone, Men And Women, It's Important To Be A Feminist. It's Important To Have Female Characters. It's Wonderful For Women To Mentor Other Women, But It's Just As Important For Women To Mentor Men And Vice-versa. In My Line Of Work, Having Greg Daniels Be Such A Great Mentor To Me Is Fantastic. Finding A Writer's Assistant, Be It A Man Or A Woman, And Encouraging Them To Think With A Feminist Perspective, Is Key.

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

As A Kid, I Always Loved Serialized Books. It’s The Reason Why People Love Harry Potter. Serialization Is Amazing. It Works In Television. It Works In Film And It Works In Books. Especially When You’re A Young Kid, You Get Attached To These Characters.

My Relationship With My Mom Is Really The Single Most Profound Relationship That I've Ever Had In My Life.

I'm An Actor And A Writer And A Showrunner And I Edit My Show. ... I Have A Job That Three People Usually Have, And I Have It In One Person. And The Idea That The Critic Thought That I Had This Excess Of Time For Which I Could Go To, Like, Panels Or Write Essays Was Just So Laughable To Me.

Write Your Own Part. It Is The Only Way I've Gotten Anywhere. It Is Much Harder Work, But Sometimes You Have To Take Destiny Into Your Own Hands.

If I Could Make A Device Where People Could Just Intuit Everything You Are Thinking - A Little Cable You Plug Into, Like, A Usb Port, I Would Make A Billion Dollars.

I'm An A Student. I'm Addicted To Feedback, And I Want To Please People. That's Sort Of How I've Gotten To Where I Am.

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

I Always Knew I Wanted Kids, But When My Mom Passed Away I Was Like, 'i Want A Bunch Of Kids. I Want Three Kids Or Four Kids, And I Want To Have That Relationship Again.' I Can't Bring My Mom Back, But I Can Have Children.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

I Don't Think Anyone Wants To Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri, The Same Way No One Wants To Grow Up To Be Michael Scott.but That's Ok.

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

As I've Gotten Older, I Can Look At Myself More Clearly And Own The Things That I'm Good At And Work On The Things That I'm Not. Like, I Am Not Skinny. I Know That If I Were To Lose A Little Weight I'd Literally Have More Time In The Morning Because I Know Clothes Would Fit Better. And Now I Can Look At Those Things More Practically. Instead Of Being Like, "what Does That Say About Me?," Now I'm Just Like, "that Would Be Great To Sleep In An Extra Fifteen Minutes Because I Wasn't Trying On Everything In My Closet."

I Don't Mind That If I Ever Star In Movies, They'll Likely Be Mine. That's Okay, Because My Great Role Models - Woody Allen, Even Tyler Perry, Who Is Actually One Of My Role Models, Even If That Seems Kind Of Strange - They Do That Themselves. And It's Great. They Build Empires, And They're Known As Having Their Own Voice. I Think It's 20 Times More Fun To Act On A Set Where I Feel The Freedom To Change The Dialogue.

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

I'm Giving A Lot Of Opinions, But I Don't Give Any Advice. I'm 31 And I'm Not Married And Having Kids. I'm Five-foot-three. I Weigh, Like, 150 Pounds And I'm Not In This Position To Be Telling People How To Live.

This Is Extremely Challenging When You Sound Like A 12-year-old Girl, And You Decide Your First Personal Endeavor Is To Play, Like, A - Like, A Very Macho Dude.

On 'the Office,' So Much Of The Show Is About Disguising Your True Feelings And Your Romantic Feelings Because It Was A Mock Documentary.

It'd Be Great To Be So Famous That If I Murder Someone, I Will Never, Ever, Ever Serve Any Jail Time, Even If It's Totally Obvious To Everyone That I Did It.

Of Course, Everyone Wants To Be Mythologized In A Great Way.

I'm Actually An Impatient Person. I'm Very Suited For Television Because With The Process, It's Six Weeks From The Time You Come Up With An Episode Until When It Airs. We Can't Drag It Out That Long. With Film, And This Is Not A Profound Observation Or An Original One; It Can Go On Endlessly Unless The Movie's Like Incredibly Topical. That's The Challenge For Me, As An Impatient Person Who Wants See Things Come To Life. ... I Mean, It's Just This Feeling I Get When I See A Movie I Love.

When I Have Time To Sit And Reflect On The Different Situations That I Face Every Day, I'll Be Able To Speak More Succinctly About The Challenges As A Woman.

If I Gave My Mother A Knitted Scarf She'd Be Worried I Was Wasting My Time Doing Stupid Stuff Like Knitting Instead Of School Work. Presenting A Homemade Knitted Object To My Parents Was Actually Like Handing Them A Detailed Backlog Of My Idleness.

All I Want To Do Is Be A Gay Icon. I Was Reading Lady Gaga's Twitter, Because She Has Like 12 Million Followers, Or Something Like That. I Feel Like She Has Fans, Gay, Straight, Bi, Who Would Throw Themselves Off A Building For Her.

I Feel Lucky Because I Was A Nerd, Which I Talk About In The Book, But I Had Academic Success, So Through That, Because That's What My Parents Put A Great Deal Of Value On, I Had A Great Childhood Because I Sort Of Fulfilled The Expectations Of Being Good At School.

Twitter Is So Short, It's Safe. I Don't Want My Bosses To Be Like, 'hey, Your Script Is Due And We Saw You Wrote Four Blog Pages.'

Running Is A Quick Trigger For A Good Mood. The Great Thing About Endorphins, You Don't Have To Be In Great Shape To Get Them.

I'm The Kind Of Person Who Would Rather Get My Hopes Up Really High And Watch Them Get Dashed To Pieces Than Wisely Keep My Expectations At Bay And Hope They Are Exceeded. This Quality Has Made Me A Needy And Theatrical Friend, But Has Given Me A Spectacularly Dramatic Emotional Life.

Colored Leather Is My Favorite. To Me, There's Nothing More Fun Than Wearing A Cobalt Blue Leather Skirt Or A Fuchsia Leather Jacket.

Leather Jackets

I Do Not Think Stress Is A Legitimate Topic Of Conversation, In Public Anyway. No One Ever Wants To Hear How Stressed Out Anyone Else Is, Because Most Of The Time Everyone Is Stressed Out. Going On And On In Detail About How Stressed Out I Am Isn’t Conversation. It’ll Never Lead Anywhere. No One Is Going To Say, “wow, Mindy, You Really Have It Especially Bad. I Have Heard Some Stories Of Stress, But This Just Takes The Cake.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

I’ve Worked In Television For 10 Years Straight. If I Were A Man, It Wouldn’t Be Considered Strange [to Have Confidence] At All.

The Chorus Of “jack And Diane” Is: Oh Yeah, Life Goes On, Long After The Thrill Of Living Is Gone. Are You Kidding Me? The Thrill Of Living Was High School? Come On, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get A Life.

..i Find It Incredible Impossible Not To Cry When I Hear Stevie Nicks's "landslide," Especially The Lyric: "i've Been Afraid Of Changing, Because I've Built My Life Around You." I Think A Good Test To See If A Human Is Actually A Robot/android/cylon Is To Have Them Listen To This Song Lyric And Study Their Reaction. If They Don't Cry, You Should Stab Them Through The Heart. You Will Find A Fusebox.

Once I Saw Paris Hilton Leaving A Restaurant In Hollywood And The Paparazzi Cameras Were All Over Her. It Looked So Unpleasant. It Wasn't Because She Didn't Look Sensational - She Was That Perfect Combination Of Fashionable And Slutty - It Was Because The Paparazzi Guys Were Shouting These Insanely Rude And Intrusive Questions At Her. Like, Asking Her Who She Was Sleeping With And Stuff. I Was Kind Of Interested In The Answer, So I Was Glad They Asked, But It Was Still Gross.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

This Book Will Take You Two Days To Read. Did You Even See The Cover? It’s Mostly Pink. If You’re Reading This Book Every Night For Months, Something Is Not Right.

So I’m Into Men Now, Even Though They Can Be Frightening. I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Non-velcro-shoe-wearing Man.

There's The Psychotic Ambitious Side Of Myself That Wants A Fashion Line And My Own Network And Be Like A Combination Of Oprah And Gwen Stefani. And Have A Perfume. Definitely A Perfume.

I Always Wanted To Write, Even Before I Realized That There Was A Comedy Writers' World, Or What That Life Was Like. I Never Thought Of Myself, At Least As A Little Kid, In Terms Of Being The Onscreen Talent. I Always Thought It'd Be So Much Fun To Write Sketches And Be A Writer. Even As Little As 6 Or 7, That's What My Main Interest Was.

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Smartly Raised Us To Keep Quiet, Be Respectful To Older People, And Generally Not Question Adults All That Much. I Think That's Because They Were Assuming That 99 Percent Of The Time, We'd Be Interacting With Worthy, Smart Adults... They Didn't Ever Tell Me 'sometimes You Will Meet Idiots Who Are Technically Adults And Authority Figures. You Don't Have To Do What They Say.

Is This A Generation Of Orphans Who Are Going To The Improv To Do Stand-up?

If I'm Going To Be A Mess, I Might As Well Be A Hot Mess, Right?

I Don’t Think It Should Be Socially Acceptable For People To Say They Are “bad With Names.” No One Is Bad With Names. That Is Not A Real Thing. Not Knowing People’s Names Isn’t A Neurological Condition; It’s A Choice. You Choose Not To Make Learning People’s Names A Priority. It’s Like Saying, “hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

I Think As Humans, No One Remembers Their Successes, Everyone Just Remembers Their Failures.

Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

Skinny Foodie, Get Away From Me.

Directing Is Exhausting, But Not For The Actual Directing Part, When You Say "action!" And Give Creative Notes. As A Director, The Exhausting Part Is That You Are A Professional Answer-machine.

Writing, At Its Heart, Is A Solitary Pursuit, Designed To Make People Depressoids, Drug Addicts, Misanthropes, And Antisocial Weirdos.

I Think Sometimes People Think Cheerful Is A Synonym For Dumb, So No One Is Ever Cheerful.

To Have A Complete Outfit Designed, For Me, Is Easier Than Trying To Find Pieces That Work Together.

Working Together

I Am A Super-confident Writer, And As A Joke Writer And As An Actress, I'm Like, 'i Want To Go Head-to-head With Every Person.' I Am An Indian Woman And I'm A Kind Of Double Minority In This World.

I've Always Had That Chip On My Shoulder. I've Just Always Been Super Hard On Myself.

When I Was Twenty-five, I Went On Exactly Four Dates With A Much Older Guy Whom I'll Call Peter Parker. I'm Calling Him Peter Parker Because The Actual Guy's Name Was Also Alliterative, And Because, Well, It's My Book And I'll Name A Guy I Dated After Spider-man's Alter Ego If I Want To.

I’m The One Who Looks At The Infant, Smiles Nervously, And As My Contribution To Small Talk, Robotically Announces To The Parent, “your Child Looks Healthy And Well Cared For.

I Think I've Always Wanted To Be A Role Model, And I Think ... Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model. I Think It's Like The Thing Keeping Me Out Of Jail.

I Say If You Love Something, Set It In A Small Cage And Pester And Smother It With Love Until It Either Loves You Back Or Dies.

Funny Motivational

I Love That 'much Ado About Nothing,' Passionate, Smart Fighting. I Love Fighting With Guys, And That's Something That I Don't Get To See: Arguing At A High Level With A Member Of The Opposite Sex. That Didn't Really Happen That Much On 'the Office.' I Just Like That 'moonlighting,' Benedick-beatrice Type Of Thing.

The Overlap In The Venn Diagram Of Things That Men Hate For Women To Wear And The Things That I Love To Wear, It's Almost A Full Overlap On The Venn Diagram, Which Is Unfortunate For Me.

I Notice That A Little Bit At The Office, With, Like, An Actor: If I Decided There'd Be A Certain Way In The Script, It Would Still Seem Open-ended, Whereas ... If I Was A Man I Would Not Have Seen That.

A Remarkable Thing About Me Is That The Time That Elapses Between A Sad Thought And A Flood Of Tears Is Three Or Four Seconds.

I Was Kind Of Unfriendly And Suspicious Of Everyone Around Me. I Didn't Talk Until I Was About 15. It's A Kind Of Famous Story At My House.

There Is No Sunrise So Beautiful That It Is Worth Waking Me Up To See It.

I Had To Learn A Skill Set. I Think I Had The Materials To Be A Good Comedy Writer.

As My Mom Has Said, When One Person Is Unhappy, It Usually Means Two People Are Unhappy But That One Has Not Come To Terms With It Yet.

I Really Love "bridget Jones's Diary" - And I Love The Book, Too. You Wonder How It Ever Got Made Into A Movie. She's Supposed To Be Chubby, And Two Of The Hottest Guys Ever Are Straight-up Fighting Over Her?

I Feel Like I'm In The Right Profession.

I Think A Lot Of Writers, Male And Female, Write As If Their Parents Were Killed In A Car Accident When They Were 2, And They Have No One To Hold Accountable. And Unfortunately, I Don't Have That. I Have Parents Who I Care About What They Think.

I, Like Most Women, I Dress For Other Women, I Think. If I Was Going To Dress For Men, I Think In General I Would Be Just Wearing, Like, A Fitted Black T-shirt And Tight Jeans Every Day.

I Love Talking About Clothes With Women; It's Like A Code Because Women Dress For Women.

I Find It Very Sad That So Many Girls Who Look Up To Me Are Young Women Of Color Who Have Been Told That They Are Ugly, And Who Feel That They Are Not Normal...i Think It's So Important That Women Look Like Me Find That They Can Be Beautiful Or Objects Of Love, Attention And Affection.

In My Writers' Room, Which Is Mostly Men, I Get A Lot Of Questions Like "what Would Be The Quickest Way To Pass As A Seemingly Normal Guy Between The Ages Of Twenty-five And Forty Years Old?"

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Thinking About Politics In Your Workplace Too Much. Just Work Hard, Be Cheerful, Ignore Distractions.

I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd. I Didn't Have A Ton Of Academic Skills. It Wasn't Until I Was In High School That I Was Like, "i Guess I Like Writing Dialogue." So That's How I Got Into It.

As A Kid It's Adorable To Have A Gap In Your Teeth. But Then, Because Of The Shifting In My Mouth, I Started Whistling Through It, And As A 32-year-old Woman, Whistling While You Speak In Sort Of Annoying.

Maybe The Point Is That Any Marriage Is Work, But You May As Well Pick Work That You Like.

Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

You Might Also See That Some Of My Playlists Are Simply Two Songs On Repeat Fifteen Times, Like I’m A Psycho Getting Pumped Up To Murder The President.

I Work So Hard And So Many Hours, And I've Done That For Years And Years And Years.

I Have Crushes On Celebrities Or People I Meet Or See In The Coffee Shop, And Every Day I Fall In Love With Three People Simply Because They Said One Funny Thing Or Appeared To Me In A Certain Way.

Falling In Love

I Try Not To Put Anything Political On The Forefront Of What I'm Trying To Do Creatively. At The Same Time, I Do Think It's Wonderful When I Hear People Say That It's Inspirational That I'm An Indian Woman On Camera. My Life Is Very Diverse, And My Friends Are A Diverse Group Of People.

Not To Be Weird, But I Still Have An Ongoing Relationship With My Mom, Even Though She Passed Away, And I've Been Surprised At How Much I've Been Able To Convey To Her. Now I Sound Like A Total Weirdo, But That's True.

I Really Think Guys Only Need Two Pairs Of Shoes. A Nice Pair Of Black Shoes And A Pair Of Chuck Taylors.

There’s A Whole List Of Things I Would Probably Change About Myself. For Example, I’m Always Trying To Lose Fifteen Pounds. But I Never Need To Be Skinny. I Don’t Want To Be Skinny. I’m Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don’t Beat Myself Up Over It.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

I Don't Have Very Much Time To Surf The Net, Because It's As Though My Boss Has A Tracking Device On Me. The Instant I'm Looking At A Chloe Sweater On Shopbop, I'll Get A Call In My Office With A Pa Asking: "paul Wants To Know Where You Are And Why You're Not In The Writers Room, And If Maybe You're Online Shopping."

I Just Want Ambitious Teenagers To Know It Is Totally Fine To Be Quite, Observant Kids. Besides Being A Delight To Your Parents, You Will Find You Have Plenty Of Time Later To Catch Up.

The Tweets That I Have Written That Are Most Popular Are The Ones That Are The Kind Of Universal Girly Concerns And Observations.

I Want It To Feel Very Satisfying, The Ending, So You've Felt Like You Were Going On A Journey And We Were Trying To Lead You Somewhere. So Going Into That, It's Made It Extremely Funny But Also A Very Emotional Last Season Of The 'the Mindy Project' .

I'm Too Excited To Sleep!

Whenever I Wanted To Talk To Anyone On The East Coast, It Was Way Too Late. Living Three Hours Behind Was One Thing I Complained About. The Other Thing, Of Course, Was Just That There Were No Seasons. I Would Complain About That Too. Just Tons Of Complaining, Man, Early On. I Can't Believe I'm Still Friends With The People I Was Friends With When I First Started In La.

The Way That Tv Is Set Up Is Very Helpful For When A Show Comes To An End Because As An Actor, You've Got Acting, But As A Showrunner You Still Get To Edit For Three Months And After That Ends You Get To Do A Sound Mix. So, As A Writer-performer In Television, It's A Very Nurturing, Gradual Environment To Say Goodbye To A Show.

Truthfully, I Guess I Would Like To Be Remembered As A Great Writer And A Kind Person. I Wouldn't Mind If An Expensive Bag Were Named After Me, Like Jane Birkin.

That's What She Said.

I Have A Goofy Side That Impacts My Clothing A Lot. To That End, I Love Witty, Colorful, Prints.

Couples Are Really Funny, Because If They Are Together, They Can Fight And Do Fun Things Together. In Jane Austen Books, Marriage Is The End Of The Story, But I Actually Think A Really Funny Couple Could Be A Fun Thing To Watch.

I'm Not Good At Anything Except Writing Jokes. I Wasn't Good At Sports, I Wasn't Good At Anything Artsy, Ever. I Think There Was A Real Worry For A While About What I Would Be Good At. I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd.

There Are Little Indian Girls Out There Who Look Up To Me, And I Never Want To Belittle The Honor Of Being An Inspiration To Them. But While I’m Talking About Why I’m So Different, White Male Show Runners Get To Talk About Their Art. I Always Get Asked, ‘where Do You Get Your Confidence?’ I Think People Are Well Meaning, But It’s Pretty Insulting. Because What It Means To Me Is, ‘you, Mindy Kaling, Have All The Trappings Of A Very Marginalized Person. You’re Not Skinny, You’re Not White, You’re A Woman. Why On Earth Would You Feel Like You’re Worth Anything?’

I've Been Working In Television For So Long, Since 2004, And I Just Worked Nonstop Throughout That Time And I've Learned So Much. I've Definitely Done That 10,000 Hours. I Know The Format Really Well And I Feel Comfortable In It. I'm Excited About Going Into Something I'm Not So Comfortable In, Which Is Film.

I Hated L.a. For A Long Time, And I Wanted To Leave It. I Had These Fantasies Of Going To 'snl' And Falling In Love With Some Writer On 'snl,' Of Getting Married And Living In New York.

Falling In Love

"why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?" I Didn't Believe It, Because I'm So Contrarian And Suspicious Of Everything. And Then To Find That It's Kind Of True Is Nice.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog.

I Never Want To Be Called The Funniest Indian Female Comedian That Exists. I Feel Like I Can Go Head-to-head With The Best White, Male Comedy Writers That Are Out There. Why Would I Want To Self-categorize Myself Into A Smaller Group Than I’m Able To Compete In?

Gratitude Is The Closest Thing To Beauty Manifested In An Emotion

In Terms Of My Indianness, I Try Not To Rely On It Nor Deny It. When It Comes Up Organically In My Writing, We Can Address It. About Five Years Ago, We Wrote This Episode Of 'the Office,' Called 'diwali,' Which Seemed Like An Organic Way Of Using It.

People Talk About Mumblecore But I Prefer Bumblecore, Hyper-realistic Bee Movies About How Bees Really Are.

I Feel The Same Way About Clothes As I Do About Food. I Want Everything.

Sometimes I Aid Into The Confusion By Having My Character's Name Be My Name.

There Are Many Teenage Vampire Books You Could Have Purchased Instead. I'm Grateful You Made This Choice.

I Love Telling Press The Designers I'm Wearing, Especially If They Are Emerging. That's Exciting To Me, Supporting Talented Newcomers.

Albums That Remind Me Of My Childhood Happiness Make Me Incredibly Sad Now.

When I've Acted, And It's Not Been Something I've Written Or Have Had At Least A Hand In Writing, I Do Think There Is A Controlling Side Of Me That Is Frustrated By That. And I Actually Don't Think That It's A Bad Thing, Because If I'm Going To Be In Movies, In Large Part They're Going To Be Movies That I Write.

For Heaven’s Sake, If You Don’t Know Someone’s Name, Just Pretend You Do. Do That Thing Everyone Else Does, Where You Vaguely Say, “nice To See You!” And Make Weak Eye Contact.

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

I Was Always A Silent Comedy Nerd. I Would Stay Up Late And Sneak Downstairs To Watch 'saturday Night Live' And 'kids In The Hall,' And Things Like That. Very Early On, My Parents Realized That I Was Not Going To Be An Engineer Or A Doctor. I Just Don't Have Those Inclinations, At All.

Sometimes I Eavesdrop On People. I Could Rationalize It - Oh, This Is Good Anthropological Research For Characters I'm Writing - But It's Basically Just Nosiness. It Also Helps Me Gauge Where I'm At: Am I Normal?

I Don't Consider Myself A Fashion Person, I Consider Myself A Shopping Person. As A Person Who Has Girlie Interests And A Little Bit Of Disposable Income.

When I Was A Little Kid, I Wrote This Play About All These Characters Living In A Haunted House. There Was A Witch Who Lived There, And A Mummy. When They Were All Hassling Him, This Guy Who Bought The House - I Can't Believe I Remember This - He Said To Them, 'who's Paying The Mortgage On This Haunted House?' I Thought That Was Really Funny.

In Psychology (okay, Twilight) They Teach You About The Notion Of Imprinting, And I Think It Applies Here. I Reverse-imprinted With Athleticism. Ours Is The Great Non-love Story Of My Life.

I Know A Lot Of People Think Of Me And They Like, Oh That Girl Is Really Sexy, That Girl Is Really Put Together, She Would Never Do Something As Unladylike As A Beet Eating Competition.

Also, Chubby People Can Never Truly Pull Off Ethereal The Same Way Skinny People Can Never Be Jolly.

That's My Advice To People. You Can't Get Hung Up On Thinking, "am I The Victim In This Situation?" No, I'm In Charge Of It.

It Makes Me Cry Because It Means That Fewer And Fewer People Are Believing It's Cool To Want What I Want, Which Is To Be Married And Have Kids And Love Each Other In A Monogamous, Long-lasting Relationship.

What I'd Really Like To Write Is A Romantic Comedy. This Is My Favorite Kind Of Movie. I Feel Almost Embarrassed Revealing This, Because The Genre Has Been So Degraded In The Past Twenty Years That Saying You Like Romantic Comedies Is Essentially An Admission Of Mild Stupidity.

I'm Indian-american And I Think That When I Think Of Myself As Being Culturally Indian, It Had So Much To Do With When I Lived With My Parents And Was A Kid Because They Would Take Me To The Diwali Festivals. They Would Take Me To The Temple, And They Would Teach Me About All The Different Holidays.

I Am Always Surprised At What Movie Studios Think People Will Want To See. I'm Even More Surprised At How Often They Are Correct.

The Internet Also Makes It Extraordinarily Difficult For Me To Focus. One Small Break To Look Up Exactly How Almond Milk Is Made, And Four Hours Later I'm Reading About The Donner Party And Texting All My Friends: Did You Guys Know About The Donner Party And How Messed Up That Was? Text Me Back So We Can Talk About It!

I Stupidly Memorize My Credit Card And Use It About Thrice Weekly For Online Shopping. The Only Reason I Don't Bankrupt Myself Is That I Return About 75% Of What I Buy.

It Doesn't Help For You To Name A Character's First Name Be Mindy And Then Be Like, "i'm Nothing Like The Character."

You Should Know I Disagree With A Lot Of Traditional Advice. For Instance, They Say The Best Revenge Is Living Well. I Say It’s Acid In The Face—who Will Love Them Now?

I Have An Underdog Spirit In Me, And Now It Feels Weird To Kind Of Get My Own Way More Often Than Not.

I Have Never Regretted Erring On The Side Of Withholding Information.

If You're A Kid Who Was Not Especially A Star In Your High School, I Recommend Going To A College In The Middle Of Nowhere. I Got All The Attention I Could Ever Have Wanted.

We Have This Saying, And It's Been Very Useful When A Series, 'the Mindy Project' Goes For Longer Than A Hundred Episodes, Which Is Mindy Character Can Never Get What She Wants When She Wants It. We Enjoyed It Because It Felt Very Real To Her Character To Make A Big Impulsive Move And It Seems Like She Has Everything, This Instant Family, A Guy She Loves And Then There's A Moment Of Panic.

There Is This Cliche Of, "oh, Your Professional Life Is Fine, But Your Romantic Life Isn't." But, That's Also Really True Of Me And All My Friends. You Don't Want To Not Do Something That's Relatable Simply Because You're Worried That It Might Be Cliche.

People Seem To Be Having These Awesome Sex Lives And I'm Just Trying To Find A Life Partner To Go Apple Picking With. What's Wrong With Me?

I Would Love If Gay Men Responded To Me. All I Want Is For Many Gay Men To Dress Up As Me For Halloween.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

You Always Want To Keep Your Look Clean And Elegant, But You Don't Have To Do The Safe Black-dress Route. Have Some Fun! Wear Something Colorful With A Hint Of Sparkle.

Because Confidence Is Like Respect; You Have To Earn It.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.

Nothing Gives You Confidence Like Being A Member Of A Small, Weirdly Specific, Hard-to-find Demographic.

Sarah [silverman] Writes Her Own Jokes. She Doesn't Just Go Through Her Life And Talk About Everything. She Sits Down And Crafts Jokes. Sometimes Her Inspiration Comes From Areas Of Her Life That Are Risqué. But She Is An A-plus Professional Joke-writer In Addition To Being Very Attractive And A Great Performer.

I'm Not Overweight. I Flucuate Between Chubby And Curvy.

I Fall Into That Nebulous, Quote-unquote, Normal American Woman Size That Legions Of Fashion Stylists Detest. For The Record, I'm A Size 8 - This Week, Anyway. Many Stylists Hate That Size Because I Think To Them, It Shows That I Lack The Discipline To Be An Ascetic; Or The Confident, Sassy Abandon To Be A Total Fatty Hedonist.

My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard, Be Quiet, Respect Elderly People, Respect Your Parents, And Just Be Unobtrusive.

Your Fear That Your Parents Will Actually Kill You For Dropping Out Of College Is Something That I Think A Lot Of Children Of Immigrants Would Maybe Relate To.

I'm A Smart Enough Person To Know That I Don't Want Everyone To Be Cookie-cutter Versions Of The Nine Guys Who Wear Converse Sneakers.

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

Fast Food Is Hugely Important In The Life Of A Comedy Writer. All We Do Is Order In, And What We're Going To Eat Is Hotly Debated.

Always Wear Flats And Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-step How-to Guide For Avoiding Getting Murdered

I'd Rather Be Like Odysseus Than Someone Who Was Handed Everything.

Why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?

If It Weren't For My Imagination, I Would Weigh Ten Thousand Pounds. This Is Because The Only Way I Am Able To Exercise Anymore Is Through A Long And Vivid Revenge Fantasy.

Every Day, I Wake Up And I'm Like, "oh, I'm The Star Of My Own Show That Has My Name In It And I Get To Write It And Hire Actors That I've Loved For Such A Long Time!" It's Amazing!

I Would Say That My Mother Is The Single Biggest Role Model In My Life, But That Term Doesn't Seem To Encompass Enough When I Use It About Her. She Was The Love Of My Life.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.

Declaration Of Independence

My Version Of An Irish Exit Has An Air Of Deception To It, Because It Includes My Asking Loudly, “where’s The Bathroom?” And Making Theatrical Looking-around Gestures Like A Lost Foreign Tourist. But Then, Instead Of Finding The Bathroom, I Sneakily Grab My Coat And Leave.

Writing A Book Is The Most Terrifying Thing That I've Ever Done. It's So Much Harder Than Writing For Television Because It Is A Completely Different Skill Set.

I Sort Of Refuse To Be An Outsider, Even Though I Know That I Very Much Look Like One To A Lot Of People, And I Refuse To View Myself In Such Terms.

I’m Adorable. I Look Like Keira Knightley Running Errands!

[being Role Model ]is Good For Me Mentally, Selfishly, And It's Also Nice To Try To Do That For, Especially, Younger Women. I Mean, It's Scary As Hell. ... I Worry About It, But I Think It's A Good Thing To Try To Do.

I'm So Much More Confident And Sexy At Thirty-eight Than I Ever Was When I Was Eighteen Or Twenty-four.

There Are So Many Distractions You Can Face As A Woman, Either With Relationships Or Worrying About, Should I Go To This Party? Or, Should I Be Doing This To Help Me Get Ahead? All [success] Is, Is Doing Your Work And Staying Focused. It's Boring Advice, But Boring Good Advice Is What You Can Get From Me!

You Should Never Have To Say Hello Or Goodbye. Even At Work Sometimes, And I Know This Is Very Unpopular, Is That If I'm Going To Work Every Single Day, I Don't Think You Should Have To Hug People Hello Every Single Day When You Come To Work. I Saw You Monday!

Anyone Who's Lost Someone To Cancer Will Say This, That You Have To Struggle To Try To Remember The Person Before The Diagnosis Happened, Because They Really Do Change - As Anyone Would Change.

To Put It Kindly, I Am A Very Talkative, Social Person. To Put It Less Kindly, I’m A Flibbertigibbet, Which Is What My Frenemy Rainn Wilson Calls Me.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

I'm Not Married, I Frequently Use My Debit Card To Buy Things That Cost Less Than Three Dollars, And My Bedroom Is So Untidy It Looks Like Vandals Ransacked The Anthropologie Sale Section. I'm Kind Of A Mess.

When You Only Do 10 Episodes For A Final Season, Every Character And All Of Her Interactions In Every Storyline Have So Much More Import Because It's The Last Time We're Going To Do It. It's Been Really Helpful Saying, "ok, Where Do We Want Each Of These Characters To End?" We Have 10 Episodes To Do It And Working Backward From That, I Kind Of Envy My Friends Who Have Always Been On A Cable Network Because This Is Really That Great Benefit Of Doing It This Way.

When I Was Growing Up, I Didn't Do Plays In Downtown Boston, And My Parents Weren't Putting Me In Auditions. They Never Thought, Oh, She Has A Gift! They Never Thought Of Me As An Entertainer When I Was A Young Kid.

Almost Every College Playwright Or Sketch Or Improv Comedian Was Sort Of Aware Of Christopher Durang - Even Kids In High School. His Short Plays Were So Accessible To Younger People And I Think That Was Inspirational To Me.

I Had These Kind Of Unrealistic Expectations That Were Fueled By Romantic Comedies, And It Has Both Helped Me And Hurt Me In Many Ways. It Helped Me Because, In General, They've Made Me Hopeful. I Just Figure Things Will Eventually Work Out For Me. But Nobody Is Like Any Tom Hanks Character. Nobody Is Hugh Grant. No One Is Meg Ryan!

I Don't Want To Hear About The Endless Struggles To Keep Sex Exciting, Or The Work It Takes To Plan A Date Night. I Want To Hear That You Guys Watch Every Episode Of The Bachelorette Together In Secret Shame, Or That One Got The Other Hooked On Breaking Bad And If Either Watches It Without The Other, They're Dead Meat. I Want To See You Guys High-five Each Other Like Teammates On A Recreational Softball Team You Both Do For Fun.

I'm Someone Who Loves Romance. I Always Have Loved It. Most People Who Grew Up As Nerds, As I Was, Surprisingly, Have Loved Romance.

When Men Hear Women Want A Commitment, They Think It Means Commitment To A Romantic Relationship, But That's Not It. It's A Commitment To Not Floating Around Anymore. I Want A Guy Who Is Entrenched In His Own Life. Entrenched Is Awesome.

I Would Rather Have Someone Read My Diary Than Look At My Ipod Playlists.

The Funniest Racism Is The Racism Between Minorities. It's Something You Don't See Dramatized, But Almost Every Minority I Know Who's My Age, They Have These Funny Stories About Their Parents Stereotyping Other Minorities.

Right Now, I'm Hankering For New Adventures... Ninety Percent Of The Time I'm Having Romantic-comedy Fantasies In Which I'm Wearing Little Pencil Skirts And Hurrying Down To The Subway.

There Has Ceased To Be A Difference Between My Awake Clothes And My Asleep Clothes

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.

I Was Obsessed With Being Popular When I Was In High School And Never Achieved It. There's Photos From Our High School Musicals And Things, And I'm Comically In The Deep Background, Wearing A Beggar's Costume.

They Talk About How Men Are Chasers, But Women Are Just Like That Too. At Least A Lot Of The Women That I Know, Who Tend To Be Ambitious, Professionally Driven Women, They Love That. Like Seeking Something Professional That Is Hard To Get, I Think They Feel The Same Way About Men.

In Junior High, There Were A Lot Of Really Ugly Guys Who Were Popular Because They Made People Laugh. I Was Like, "wow, Comedy Is The Great Freer Of Hideous People." It Was An Incredibly Liberating Thing. If You Ask A Girl, "what Do You Want In A Guy?" 99 Percent Are Like, "i Just Want Him To Be Funny." I Thought, "if That Applies To Women, I'm Set.

Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model.

Those Who Are Saying It's Possible [to Balance Family And Business] Are Often In A Little Bit Of A Rarefied Place Where They Also Have The Money To Do That. It's Not Quite Such An Easy Stance To Take When You Don't Have The Same Resources. I Like To Remind People That These Are Rich Manhattanites And To Keep An Eye On The Fact That, Especially With Social Media And These Articles And These Blogs, That That Is Not The Reality For Most Women, Unfortunately.

Twitter Is The Most Amazing Medium For A Comedy Writer. I Can't Get In Every Idea I Want On The Show No Matter How Hard I Try To Bully The Other Writers, So It's A Way Of Me Getting Out Other Comic Ideas And Immediately Getting Feedback.

I Found It To Be Smooth Sailing - 100 Percent Smooth Sailing My Whole Career.

In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

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