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Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

-Mindy Kaling

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Haley And I Would

Mindy Kaling

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Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

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Because Confidence Is Like Respect; You Have To Earn It.

I've Always Had That Chip On My Shoulder. I've Just Always Been Super Hard On Myself.

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Leather Jackets

I Think As Humans, No One Remembers Their Successes, Everyone Just Remembers Their Failures.

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Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

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Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

Albums That Remind Me Of My Childhood Happiness Make Me Incredibly Sad Now.

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Falling In Love

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All I Want To Do Is Be A Gay Icon. I Was Reading Lady Gaga's Twitter, Because She Has Like 12 Million Followers, Or Something Like That. I Feel Like She Has Fans, Gay, Straight, Bi, Who Would Throw Themselves Off A Building For Her.

Sometimes I Aid Into The Confusion By Having My Character's Name Be My Name.

That's What She Said.

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If I Can Muster Up Any Allure In My Life, At This Stage, I Wouldn't Mind Doing That.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

Writing, At Its Heart, Is A Solitary Pursuit, Designed To Make People Depressoids, Drug Addicts, Misanthropes, And Antisocial Weirdos.

I Feel Like I'm In The Right Profession.

Later, When You're Grown Up, You Realize You Never Really Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That's It.

Couples Are Really Funny, Because If They Are Together, They Can Fight And Do Fun Things Together. In Jane Austen Books, Marriage Is The End Of The Story, But I Actually Think A Really Funny Couple Could Be A Fun Thing To Watch.

People Take Things At Face Value On Social Media. Earnestness Is The Assumption.

I Don't Want To Hear About The Endless Struggles To Keep Sex Exciting, Or The Work It Takes To Plan A Date Night. I Want To Hear That You Guys Watch Every Episode Of The Bachelorette Together In Secret Shame, Or That One Got The Other Hooked On Breaking Bad And If Either Watches It Without The Other, They're Dead Meat. I Want To See You Guys High-five Each Other Like Teammates On A Recreational Softball Team You Both Do For Fun.

I Think I've Always Wanted To Be A Role Model, And I Think ... Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model. I Think It's Like The Thing Keeping Me Out Of Jail.

What? I Have A Cold. Don’t Get A Look Of Terror On Your Face. The Worst That Could Happen Is That You’ll Get A Cold, Too. You Don’t Have To Theatrically Purell A Thousand Times A Day And Look All Panicky Every Time I Come Into The Room.

I Worship Makeup. The Basics Are Always: Stila Shadows, Leclerc Powder For My Crazy Shiny Skin, Bobbie Brown Liner Pot, Chanel Mascara, And Koh Gen Do For Foundation, Nars For Colors And Sparkles.

Teenage Girls, Please Don’t Worry About Being Super Popular In High School, Or Being The Best Actress In High School, Or The Best Athlete. Not Only Do People Not Care About Any Of That The Second You Graduate, But When You Get Older, If You Reference Your Successes In High School Too Much, It Actually Makes You Look Kind Of Pitiful, Like Some Babbling Old Tennessee Williams Character With Nothing Else Going On In Her Current Life. What I’ve Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It’s So Wonderfully Fair.

Funny Inspirational

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I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

Here's My Feeling: For Everyone, Men And Women, It's Important To Be A Feminist. It's Important To Have Female Characters. It's Wonderful For Women To Mentor Other Women, But It's Just As Important For Women To Mentor Men And Vice-versa. In My Line Of Work, Having Greg Daniels Be Such A Great Mentor To Me Is Fantastic. Finding A Writer's Assistant, Be It A Man Or A Woman, And Encouraging Them To Think With A Feminist Perspective, Is Key.

I Just Want Ambitious Teenagers To Know It Is Totally Fine To Be Quite, Observant Kids. Besides Being A Delight To Your Parents, You Will Find You Have Plenty Of Time Later To Catch Up.

Running Is A Quick Trigger For A Good Mood. The Great Thing About Endorphins, You Don't Have To Be In Great Shape To Get Them.

Sarah [silverman] Writes Her Own Jokes. She Doesn't Just Go Through Her Life And Talk About Everything. She Sits Down And Crafts Jokes. Sometimes Her Inspiration Comes From Areas Of Her Life That Are Risqué. But She Is An A-plus Professional Joke-writer In Addition To Being Very Attractive And A Great Performer.

Sometimes You Just Have To Put On Lip Gloss And Pretend To Be Psyched.

This Book Will Take You Two Days To Read. Did You Even See The Cover? It’s Mostly Pink. If You’re Reading This Book Every Night For Months, Something Is Not Right.

I Don't Ever Remember Being Able To Debate With My Parents. Even Though I Thought Of Myself As A Very Bright Kid, I Couldn't Be Vocal In That Way.

I'm So Much More Confident And Sexy At Thirty-eight Than I Ever Was When I Was Eighteen Or Twenty-four.

Is This A Generation Of Orphans Who Are Going To The Improv To Do Stand-up?

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

I Guess When You Go To Business School You Never Turn Business Off.

Business School

When I've Acted, And It's Not Been Something I've Written Or Have Had At Least A Hand In Writing, I Do Think There Is A Controlling Side Of Me That Is Frustrated By That. And I Actually Don't Think That It's A Bad Thing, Because If I'm Going To Be In Movies, In Large Part They're Going To Be Movies That I Write.

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

It Makes Me Cry Because It Means That Fewer And Fewer People Are Believing It's Cool To Want What I Want, Which Is To Be Married And Have Kids And Love Each Other In A Monogamous, Long-lasting Relationship.

There Is A Lot Of Catarsis That Passes Itself Off As Art Or Comedy And I'm Kind Of Critical Of That. I Think That Just Because You Bare Your Soul Or Underwear Or Private Moments It Doesn't , Or Necessarily Make For Entertainment, Or Good Writing, Or Funny Writing.

I'm Not Overweight. I Flucuate Between Chubby And Curvy.

I Found It To Be Smooth Sailing - 100 Percent Smooth Sailing My Whole Career.

I'm Giving A Lot Of Opinions, But I Don't Give Any Advice. I'm 31 And I'm Not Married And Having Kids. I'm Five-foot-three. I Weigh, Like, 150 Pounds And I'm Not In This Position To Be Telling People How To Live.

As My Mom Has Said, When One Person Is Unhappy, It Usually Means Two People Are Unhappy But That One Has Not Come To Terms With It Yet.

I'm Actually An Impatient Person. I'm Very Suited For Television Because With The Process, It's Six Weeks From The Time You Come Up With An Episode Until When It Airs. We Can't Drag It Out That Long. With Film, And This Is Not A Profound Observation Or An Original One; It Can Go On Endlessly Unless The Movie's Like Incredibly Topical. That's The Challenge For Me, As An Impatient Person Who Wants See Things Come To Life. ... I Mean, It's Just This Feeling I Get When I See A Movie I Love.

My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard, Be Quiet, Respect Elderly People, Respect Your Parents, And Just Be Unobtrusive.

Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

Another Old Saying Is That Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. But It Feels Best Served Piping Hot, Straight Out Of The Oven Of Outrage. My Opinion? Take Care Of Revenge Right Away.

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

My Mother Is More Of An Adviser. I Followed Everything She Did When I Was Younger, Because I Looked Up To Her So Much.

When Smart People Are Nice, It's Always Terrifying, Because I Know They're Taking In Everything And Thinking All Kinds Of Smart And Potentially Judgmental Things.

If I Gave My Mother A Knitted Scarf She'd Be Worried I Was Wasting My Time Doing Stupid Stuff Like Knitting Instead Of School Work. Presenting A Homemade Knitted Object To My Parents Was Actually Like Handing Them A Detailed Backlog Of My Idleness.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

In My Mind, The Sexiest Thing In The World Is The Feeling That You’re Wanted.

When People Call Me Either A Girl Crush Or Their Best Friend, Like, The Best Friend They Want, That's, To Me, The Best Compliment Anyone Could Ever Give Me.

I Have Never Regretted Erring On The Side Of Withholding Information.

I’ve Worked In Television For 10 Years Straight. If I Were A Man, It Wouldn’t Be Considered Strange [to Have Confidence] At All.

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

The Tweets That I Have Written That Are Most Popular Are The Ones That Are The Kind Of Universal Girly Concerns And Observations.

I Love 'the Office.' I'm In The Premiere, And I'm Maybe Gonna Shoot Another Episode This Season, But I've Been There Since The Very Beginning, So When I Found Out This Is The Last Year - I Am A Good Asian Kid Who Was An A Student - I Wish I Could Be There To The End To See Things Through.

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

I Was Always A Silent Comedy Nerd. I Would Stay Up Late And Sneak Downstairs To Watch 'saturday Night Live' And 'kids In The Hall,' And Things Like That. Very Early On, My Parents Realized That I Was Not Going To Be An Engineer Or A Doctor. I Just Don't Have Those Inclinations, At All.

I Had To Learn A Skill Set. I Think I Had The Materials To Be A Good Comedy Writer.

As A Kid It's Adorable To Have A Gap In Your Teeth. But Then, Because Of The Shifting In My Mouth, I Started Whistling Through It, And As A 32-year-old Woman, Whistling While You Speak In Sort Of Annoying.

Elizabeth Kennedy Is So Chic. Her Gowns Have Such Structure, I Feel Like A Work Of Art.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

I Think As Women, You Know, If You Are Considered A Pioneer In These Things, You Can Get Really Distracted By These Other Things - You Know, People's Demands Of You Reflecting On Your Otherness. And For This White Critic To Say, "i Don't Understand Why She Doesn't Do That" - And You're Like, "it's Because I'm Running A Show On A Major Network And I Want The Show To Continue" - And To Sort Of Guilt Me.

I Have An Underdog Spirit In Me, And Now It Feels Weird To Kind Of Get My Own Way More Often Than Not.

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.

I Would Be The First To Admit That I Have Incredibly High, Ambitious Standards For My Life And My Career, And I've Had Those My Entire Life. It's Something That Was Just Instilled In Me By My Parents.

I'm Someone Who Loves Romance. I Always Have Loved It. Most People Who Grew Up As Nerds, As I Was, Surprisingly, Have Loved Romance.

My Understanding Of The Way Sex Scenes Work Is That You're Surrounded By Crew, And You're Cold, And You Have To Do It Eight Times 'cause They Didn't Get The Lighting. It Doesn't Sound Pleasant, But You Think That Actors Actually Enjoy It?

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Thinking About Politics In Your Workplace Too Much. Just Work Hard, Be Cheerful, Ignore Distractions.

People Don't Want To Listen To A Celebrity Tweeting About Their Charities And Shows. That's Why Comedy Writers Do Well - We Put Out Little Funny Ideas.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

I Initially Thought You Were Ugly, But Then You Walked Closer To Me And I Realized You Were Pretty.

When I Was Twenty-five, I Went On Exactly Four Dates With A Much Older Guy Whom I'll Call Peter Parker. I'm Calling Him Peter Parker Because The Actual Guy's Name Was Also Alliterative, And Because, Well, It's My Book And I'll Name A Guy I Dated After Spider-man's Alter Ego If I Want To.

I Guess Nothing Puts A Damper On A One-night Stand As Much As Your Friend Pointing Out All The Opportunities Where You Might Have Been Killed.

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Anders Fogh Rasmussen

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