Background Image

...

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

-Mindy Kaling

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

I Kind Of Killed

Mindy Kaling

...

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

Views: 8

Topic

More From Mindy Kaling

Always Wear Flats And Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-step How-to Guide For Avoiding Getting Murdered

I'm Too Excited To Sleep!

Elizabeth Kennedy Is So Chic. Her Gowns Have Such Structure, I Feel Like A Work Of Art.

Woody Allen Is Really The Ultimate. I Love That He Believed In Himself Enough To Do What He Did. And I Have That Same Feeling - That There's Nobody That Looks Like Me In Movies, Nobody Would Cast Me As A Romantic Lead, But I Want To Do It And I Feel Confident That I Can.

I Hate Gowns. It's A Rare Gown Indeed That Is Cool. Most Are Elegant Or Whatever, A Quality I Don't Put A Big Premium On.

There Is A Lot Of Catarsis That Passes Itself Off As Art Or Comedy And I'm Kind Of Critical Of That. I Think That Just Because You Bare Your Soul Or Underwear Or Private Moments It Doesn't , Or Necessarily Make For Entertainment, Or Good Writing, Or Funny Writing.

I'm Not Good At Anything Except Writing Jokes. I Wasn't Good At Sports, I Wasn't Good At Anything Artsy, Ever. I Think There Was A Real Worry For A While About What I Would Be Good At. I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd.

I Really Think Guys Only Need Two Pairs Of Shoes. A Nice Pair Of Black Shoes And A Pair Of Chuck Taylors.

I Think References, Where They Fit Organically, Are Great. It's Great To Do A Show That's Real And Relatable, And So Much Of What Is Real, Is Using Real Things And Instances That Are Specific. Specificity Is The Best Tool You Can Have, As A Writer.

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Smartly Raised Us To Keep Quiet, Be Respectful To Older People, And Generally Not Question Adults All That Much. I Think That's Because They Were Assuming That 99 Percent Of The Time, We'd Be Interacting With Worthy, Smart Adults... They Didn't Ever Tell Me 'sometimes You Will Meet Idiots Who Are Technically Adults And Authority Figures. You Don't Have To Do What They Say.

If It Weren't For My Imagination, I Would Weigh Ten Thousand Pounds. This Is Because The Only Way I Am Able To Exercise Anymore Is Through A Long And Vivid Revenge Fantasy.

Albums That Remind Me Of My Childhood Happiness Make Me Incredibly Sad Now.

I Have Never Regretted Erring On The Side Of Withholding Information.

As A Kid, I Always Loved Serialized Books. It’s The Reason Why People Love Harry Potter. Serialization Is Amazing. It Works In Television. It Works In Film And It Works In Books. Especially When You’re A Young Kid, You Get Attached To These Characters.

So I’m Into Men Now, Even Though They Can Be Frightening. I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Non-velcro-shoe-wearing Man.

Those Who Are Saying It's Possible [to Balance Family And Business] Are Often In A Little Bit Of A Rarefied Place Where They Also Have The Money To Do That. It's Not Quite Such An Easy Stance To Take When You Don't Have The Same Resources. I Like To Remind People That These Are Rich Manhattanites And To Keep An Eye On The Fact That, Especially With Social Media And These Articles And These Blogs, That That Is Not The Reality For Most Women, Unfortunately.

Something That's Happened Recently Is That I Don't Beat Myself Up About Stuff.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

It Doesn't Help For You To Name A Character's First Name Be Mindy And Then Be Like, "i'm Nothing Like The Character."

I Can't Have A Big Breakfast Or A Big Lunch Because I Get Very Lethargic, And Then I Get Really Cranky. I Eat, But I Have To Eat Small, Healthful Amounts Of Food.

The Overlap In The Venn Diagram Of Things That Men Hate For Women To Wear And The Things That I Love To Wear, It's Almost A Full Overlap On The Venn Diagram, Which Is Unfortunate For Me.

I Had To Learn A Skill Set. I Think I Had The Materials To Be A Good Comedy Writer.

People, You Know, Had Trouble With The Character. Mindy Is Not Immediately Likeable. She Does And Says A Lot Of Things That You Don't See In, Forget Female Characters, Any Characters. Like, She Says Things Like, "i'm Going To Hell Because I Don't Really Care About The Environment And I Love To Gossip."

When People Call Me Either A Girl Crush Or Their Best Friend, Like, The Best Friend They Want, That's, To Me, The Best Compliment Anyone Could Ever Give Me.

In Junior High, There Were A Lot Of Really Ugly Guys Who Were Popular Because They Made People Laugh. I Was Like, "wow, Comedy Is The Great Freer Of Hideous People." It Was An Incredibly Liberating Thing. If You Ask A Girl, "what Do You Want In A Guy?" 99 Percent Are Like, "i Just Want Him To Be Funny." I Thought, "if That Applies To Women, I'm Set.

I Fall Into That Nebulous, Quote-unquote, Normal American Woman Size That Legions Of Fashion Stylists Detest. For The Record, I'm A Size 8 - This Week, Anyway. Many Stylists Hate That Size Because I Think To Them, It Shows That I Lack The Discipline To Be An Ascetic; Or The Confident, Sassy Abandon To Be A Total Fatty Hedonist.

I Feel Like I'm In The Right Profession.

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Picture-hanging Man. I Don't Care If He Takes Prescription Drugs For Cholesterol Or Hair Loss.

I Was Always A Silent Comedy Nerd. I Would Stay Up Late And Sneak Downstairs To Watch 'saturday Night Live' And 'kids In The Hall,' And Things Like That. Very Early On, My Parents Realized That I Was Not Going To Be An Engineer Or A Doctor. I Just Don't Have Those Inclinations, At All.

I Would Rather Have Someone Read My Diary Than Look At My Ipod Playlists.

I Am The Kind Of Person That Is Drawn To Colors Against My Will.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

I'm Someone Who Loves Romance. I Always Have Loved It. Most People Who Grew Up As Nerds, As I Was, Surprisingly, Have Loved Romance.

In Psychology (okay, Twilight) They Teach You About The Notion Of Imprinting, And I Think It Applies Here. I Reverse-imprinted With Athleticism. Ours Is The Great Non-love Story Of My Life.

As My Mom Has Said, When One Person Is Unhappy, It Usually Means Two People Are Unhappy But That One Has Not Come To Terms With It Yet.

I Guess When You Go To Business School You Never Turn Business Off.

Business School

There’s A Whole List Of Things I Would Probably Change About Myself. For Example, I’m Always Trying To Lose Fifteen Pounds. But I Never Need To Be Skinny. I Don’t Want To Be Skinny. I’m Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don’t Beat Myself Up Over It.

I'd Rather Be Like Odysseus Than Someone Who Was Handed Everything.

Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

I’m The One Who Looks At The Infant, Smiles Nervously, And As My Contribution To Small Talk, Robotically Announces To The Parent, “your Child Looks Healthy And Well Cared For.

It'd Be Great To Be So Famous That If I Murder Someone, I Will Never, Ever, Ever Serve Any Jail Time, Even If It's Totally Obvious To Everyone That I Did It.

Right Now, I'm Hankering For New Adventures... Ninety Percent Of The Time I'm Having Romantic-comedy Fantasies In Which I'm Wearing Little Pencil Skirts And Hurrying Down To The Subway.

I Sort Of Refuse To Be An Outsider, Even Though I Know That I Very Much Look Like One To A Lot Of People, And I Refuse To View Myself In Such Terms.

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

I Feel The Same Way About Clothes As I Do About Food. I Want Everything.

Sometimes I Eavesdrop On People. I Could Rationalize It - Oh, This Is Good Anthropological Research For Characters I'm Writing - But It's Basically Just Nosiness. It Also Helps Me Gauge Where I'm At: Am I Normal?

I Was Kind Of Unfriendly And Suspicious Of Everyone Around Me. I Didn't Talk Until I Was About 15. It's A Kind Of Famous Story At My House.

I'm A Smart Enough Person To Know That I Don't Want Everyone To Be Cookie-cutter Versions Of The Nine Guys Who Wear Converse Sneakers.

My Relationship With My Mom Is Really The Single Most Profound Relationship That I've Ever Had In My Life.

I’m Adorable. I Look Like Keira Knightley Running Errands!

The Way That Tv Is Set Up Is Very Helpful For When A Show Comes To An End Because As An Actor, You've Got Acting, But As A Showrunner You Still Get To Edit For Three Months And After That Ends You Get To Do A Sound Mix. So, As A Writer-performer In Television, It's A Very Nurturing, Gradual Environment To Say Goodbye To A Show.

That's What She Said.

It Makes Me Cry Because It Means That Fewer And Fewer People Are Believing It's Cool To Want What I Want, Which Is To Be Married And Have Kids And Love Each Other In A Monogamous, Long-lasting Relationship.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.

Declaration Of Independence

I Love That 'much Ado About Nothing,' Passionate, Smart Fighting. I Love Fighting With Guys, And That's Something That I Don't Get To See: Arguing At A High Level With A Member Of The Opposite Sex. That Didn't Really Happen That Much On 'the Office.' I Just Like That 'moonlighting,' Benedick-beatrice Type Of Thing.

If I Can Muster Up Any Allure In My Life, At This Stage, I Wouldn't Mind Doing That.

Bribes And Boy Bands. That’s All You Need To Be A Babysitter.

You Always Want To Keep Your Look Clean And Elegant, But You Don't Have To Do The Safe Black-dress Route. Have Some Fun! Wear Something Colorful With A Hint Of Sparkle.

I Think That When You're 5'4" And 150 Pounds And You Love To Chat And You Have A Blog About Shopping, Trying To Maintain A Tiny Bit Of Mystery Where You Possibly Can Is Not A Bad Thing.

Here's My Feeling: For Everyone, Men And Women, It's Important To Be A Feminist. It's Important To Have Female Characters. It's Wonderful For Women To Mentor Other Women, But It's Just As Important For Women To Mentor Men And Vice-versa. In My Line Of Work, Having Greg Daniels Be Such A Great Mentor To Me Is Fantastic. Finding A Writer's Assistant, Be It A Man Or A Woman, And Encouraging Them To Think With A Feminist Perspective, Is Key.

When I Was Growing Up, I Didn't Do Plays In Downtown Boston, And My Parents Weren't Putting Me In Auditions. They Never Thought, Oh, She Has A Gift! They Never Thought Of Me As An Entertainer When I Was A Young Kid.

I'm Not Into Red Carpet Looks Where It's Clear The Woman Wanted To Look Like A Pretty, Pretty Princess.

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

I'm Indian-american And I Think That When I Think Of Myself As Being Culturally Indian, It Had So Much To Do With When I Lived With My Parents And Was A Kid Because They Would Take Me To The Diwali Festivals. They Would Take Me To The Temple, And They Would Teach Me About All The Different Holidays.

I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd. I Didn't Have A Ton Of Academic Skills. It Wasn't Until I Was In High School That I Was Like, "i Guess I Like Writing Dialogue." So That's How I Got Into It.

There Has Ceased To Be A Difference Between My Awake Clothes And My Asleep Clothes

You Might Also See That Some Of My Playlists Are Simply Two Songs On Repeat Fifteen Times, Like I’m A Psycho Getting Pumped Up To Murder The President.

When You're "east Coast" Person, You Are So Insufferable, And You Have No Idea. And I Was. One, Because I Was Miserable, And Nobody Liked To Be Around A Miserable Person, And Two, Everything That I Thought Was So Profound, Everyone Had Already Dealt With.

I Didn't Completely Forget How To Be Nice Or Feminine Because I Have A Career.

I Do Not Think Stress Is A Legitimate Topic Of Conversation, In Public Anyway. No One Ever Wants To Hear How Stressed Out Anyone Else Is, Because Most Of The Time Everyone Is Stressed Out. Going On And On In Detail About How Stressed Out I Am Isn’t Conversation. It’ll Never Lead Anywhere. No One Is Going To Say, “wow, Mindy, You Really Have It Especially Bad. I Have Heard Some Stories Of Stress, But This Just Takes The Cake.

On 'the Office,' So Much Of The Show Is About Disguising Your True Feelings And Your Romantic Feelings Because It Was A Mock Documentary.

People Talk About Mumblecore But I Prefer Bumblecore, Hyper-realistic Bee Movies About How Bees Really Are.

I Just Want Ambitious Teenagers To Know It Is Totally Fine To Be Quite, Observant Kids. Besides Being A Delight To Your Parents, You Will Find You Have Plenty Of Time Later To Catch Up.

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

There Are So Many Distractions You Can Face As A Woman, Either With Relationships Or Worrying About, Should I Go To This Party? Or, Should I Be Doing This To Help Me Get Ahead? All [success] Is, Is Doing Your Work And Staying Focused. It's Boring Advice, But Boring Good Advice Is What You Can Get From Me!

I Don't Have Very Much Time To Surf The Net, Because It's As Though My Boss Has A Tracking Device On Me. The Instant I'm Looking At A Chloe Sweater On Shopbop, I'll Get A Call In My Office With A Pa Asking: "paul Wants To Know Where You Are And Why You're Not In The Writers Room, And If Maybe You're Online Shopping."

[being Role Model ]is Good For Me Mentally, Selfishly, And It's Also Nice To Try To Do That For, Especially, Younger Women. I Mean, It's Scary As Hell. ... I Worry About It, But I Think It's A Good Thing To Try To Do.

My Version Of An Irish Exit Has An Air Of Deception To It, Because It Includes My Asking Loudly, “where’s The Bathroom?” And Making Theatrical Looking-around Gestures Like A Lost Foreign Tourist. But Then, Instead Of Finding The Bathroom, I Sneakily Grab My Coat And Leave.

Even In My Revenge Fantasy Where All I Do Is Exercise, I Can Still Do Only Twenty-five Pull-ups. Pull-ups Are Tough, No Joke.

My Mother Is More Of An Adviser. I Followed Everything She Did When I Was Younger, Because I Looked Up To Her So Much.

I Think A Lot Of Writers, Male And Female, Write As If Their Parents Were Killed In A Car Accident When They Were 2, And They Have No One To Hold Accountable. And Unfortunately, I Don't Have That. I Have Parents Who I Care About What They Think.

I Think A Lot Of People Compare Female Writers Or Female Comedians To Each Other In A Way That Men Are Not. Male Comedy Writers Are Not Scrutinized.

It Used To Be That You Had To Make Female Tv Characters Perfect So No One Would Be Offended By Your 'portrayal' Of Women. Even When I Started Out On 'the Office' Eight Years Ago, We Could Write Our Male Characters Funny And Flawed, But Not The Women. And Now, Thankfully, It's Completely Different.

My Parents Were Supportive Of My Creativity But Did Not Have A Lot Of Patience For Whimsy With Zero Production Value. They Had Stuff To Do.

I Initially Thought You Were Ugly, But Then You Walked Closer To Me And I Realized You Were Pretty.

Anyone Who's Lost Someone To Cancer Will Say This, That You Have To Struggle To Try To Remember The Person Before The Diagnosis Happened, Because They Really Do Change - As Anyone Would Change.

I Think As Women, You Know, If You Are Considered A Pioneer In These Things, You Can Get Really Distracted By These Other Things - You Know, People's Demands Of You Reflecting On Your Otherness. And For This White Critic To Say, "i Don't Understand Why She Doesn't Do That" - And You're Like, "it's Because I'm Running A Show On A Major Network And I Want The Show To Continue" - And To Sort Of Guilt Me.

If You Are Going To Ask Your Crush For Their Phone Number, You Are One Of The Small Group Of Women I Am So Jealous Of.

Live Performance Really Terrifies Me. I Haven't Done It, Really, In Years. I Think That's Why I Retired From My Brief Career In Stand-up.

People Don't Want To Listen To A Celebrity Tweeting About Their Charities And Shows. That's Why Comedy Writers Do Well - We Put Out Little Funny Ideas.

To Put It Kindly, I Am A Very Talkative, Social Person. To Put It Less Kindly, I’m A Flibbertigibbet, Which Is What My Frenemy Rainn Wilson Calls Me.

Whenever I Wanted To Talk To Anyone On The East Coast, It Was Way Too Late. Living Three Hours Behind Was One Thing I Complained About. The Other Thing, Of Course, Was Just That There Were No Seasons. I Would Complain About That Too. Just Tons Of Complaining, Man, Early On. I Can't Believe I'm Still Friends With The People I Was Friends With When I First Started In La.

You Should Know I Disagree With A Lot Of Traditional Advice. For Instance, They Say The Best Revenge Is Living Well. I Say It’s Acid In The Face—who Will Love Them Now?

Because Confidence Is Like Respect; You Have To Earn It.

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

I Don't Want To Hear About The Endless Struggles To Keep Sex Exciting, Or The Work It Takes To Plan A Date Night. I Want To Hear That You Guys Watch Every Episode Of The Bachelorette Together In Secret Shame, Or That One Got The Other Hooked On Breaking Bad And If Either Watches It Without The Other, They're Dead Meat. I Want To See You Guys High-five Each Other Like Teammates On A Recreational Softball Team You Both Do For Fun.

Why Didn’t You Talk About Whether Women Are Funny Or Not? I Just Felt That By Commenting On That In Any Real Way, It Would Be Tacit Approval Of It As A Legitimate Debate, Which It Isn’t.

As A Kid It's Adorable To Have A Gap In Your Teeth. But Then, Because Of The Shifting In My Mouth, I Started Whistling Through It, And As A 32-year-old Woman, Whistling While You Speak In Sort Of Annoying.

If I'm Going To Be A Mess, I Might As Well Be A Hot Mess, Right?

That’s The One Nice Thing About Being A Dork About Men: You Can Sometimes Play It Off As Restrained And Classy.

Writing, At Its Heart, Is A Solitary Pursuit, Designed To Make People Depressoids, Drug Addicts, Misanthropes, And Antisocial Weirdos.

People Take Things At Face Value On Social Media. Earnestness Is The Assumption.

There Are Time When Friends Have Said They Hooked Up With Someone And All It Means Is That They Had A Highly Anticipated Kissing Session. Other Times It's A Full-on All-night Sex-a-thon. Can't We Have A Universal Understanding Of The Term, Once And For All? From Now On, Let's All Agree That Hooking Up = Sex. Everything Else Is 'made Out.' And If You're Older Than Twenty-eight, Then Just Kissing Someone Doesn't Count For Crap And Is Not Even Worth Mentioning. Unless You're Mormon, In Which Case You're Going To Hell.

I Want It To Feel Very Satisfying, The Ending, So You've Felt Like You Were Going On A Journey And We Were Trying To Lead You Somewhere. So Going Into That, It's Made It Extremely Funny But Also A Very Emotional Last Season Of The 'the Mindy Project' .

When I Was A Kid, I Would Always Write Down Lists Of My Favorite Things And Keep Them In My Wallet, Just In Case Someone Ever Needed To Know What My 10 Favorite Foods Were, Or My 10 Favorite Actors.

I Love 'the Office.' I'm In The Premiere, And I'm Maybe Gonna Shoot Another Episode This Season, But I've Been There Since The Very Beginning, So When I Found Out This Is The Last Year - I Am A Good Asian Kid Who Was An A Student - I Wish I Could Be There To The End To See Things Through.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

I Don't Ever Remember Being Able To Debate With My Parents. Even Though I Thought Of Myself As A Very Bright Kid, I Couldn't Be Vocal In That Way.

My Dad Is Funny In His Own Way, And So Is My Brother, But In Terms Of Legitimately Making A Lot Of People Laugh, That's My Mom. I Inherit My Sense Of Comedy From Her.

They Talk About How Men Are Chasers, But Women Are Just Like That Too. At Least A Lot Of The Women That I Know, Who Tend To Be Ambitious, Professionally Driven Women, They Love That. Like Seeking Something Professional That Is Hard To Get, I Think They Feel The Same Way About Men.

I Have A Whole System Down For Returning Online Shopping: A Tape Gun, A Printer For Return Labels. That Has Replaced Traditional Window Shopping In My Life, As I've Gotten Busier.

Window Shopping

I Hated L.a. For A Long Time, And I Wanted To Leave It. I Had These Fantasies Of Going To 'snl' And Falling In Love With Some Writer On 'snl,' Of Getting Married And Living In New York.

Falling In Love

Nothing Gives You Confidence Like Being A Member Of A Small, Weirdly Specific, Hard-to-find Demographic.

I Try Not To Put Anything Political On The Forefront Of What I'm Trying To Do Creatively. At The Same Time, I Do Think It's Wonderful When I Hear People Say That It's Inspirational That I'm An Indian Woman On Camera. My Life Is Very Diverse, And My Friends Are A Diverse Group Of People.

I Say If You Love Something, Set It In A Small Cage And Pester And Smother It With Love Until It Either Loves You Back Or Dies.

Funny Motivational

I Don't Mind That If I Ever Star In Movies, They'll Likely Be Mine. That's Okay, Because My Great Role Models - Woody Allen, Even Tyler Perry, Who Is Actually One Of My Role Models, Even If That Seems Kind Of Strange - They Do That Themselves. And It's Great. They Build Empires, And They're Known As Having Their Own Voice. I Think It's 20 Times More Fun To Act On A Set Where I Feel The Freedom To Change The Dialogue.

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

I Was Obsessed With Being Popular When I Was In High School And Never Achieved It. There's Photos From Our High School Musicals And Things, And I'm Comically In The Deep Background, Wearing A Beggar's Costume.

In My Writers' Room, Which Is Mostly Men, I Get A Lot Of Questions Like "what Would Be The Quickest Way To Pass As A Seemingly Normal Guy Between The Ages Of Twenty-five And Forty Years Old?"

Twitter Is The Most Amazing Medium For A Comedy Writer. I Can't Get In Every Idea I Want On The Show No Matter How Hard I Try To Bully The Other Writers, So It's A Way Of Me Getting Out Other Comic Ideas And Immediately Getting Feedback.

I Would Love If Gay Men Responded To Me. All I Want Is For Many Gay Men To Dress Up As Me For Halloween.

Writing A Book Is The Most Terrifying Thing That I've Ever Done. It's So Much Harder Than Writing For Television Because It Is A Completely Different Skill Set.

The Internet Also Makes It Extraordinarily Difficult For Me To Focus. One Small Break To Look Up Exactly How Almond Milk Is Made, And Four Hours Later I'm Reading About The Donner Party And Texting All My Friends: Did You Guys Know About The Donner Party And How Messed Up That Was? Text Me Back So We Can Talk About It!

I Worship Makeup. The Basics Are Always: Stila Shadows, Leclerc Powder For My Crazy Shiny Skin, Bobbie Brown Liner Pot, Chanel Mascara, And Koh Gen Do For Foundation, Nars For Colors And Sparkles.

My Dad's Whole Family Is In Madras And I Was Born In America So We Didn't Have That Big Indian Community. I Don't Really Have Anything Interesting To Say About It. When I Talk About It People Are Like, 'meh, Let's Talk About Something Else.'

I Know A Lot Of People Think Of Me And They Like, Oh That Girl Is Really Sexy, That Girl Is Really Put Together, She Would Never Do Something As Unladylike As A Beet Eating Competition.

Every Day, I Wake Up And I'm Like, "oh, I'm The Star Of My Own Show That Has My Name In It And I Get To Write It And Hire Actors That I've Loved For Such A Long Time!" It's Amazing!

True Love Is Singing Karaoke 'under Pressure' And Letting The Other Person Sing The Freddie Mercury Part.

Besides, Who Wants To Read About Success, Anyway? Successful Serial Murderers, Maybe.

When Smart People Are Nice, It's Always Terrifying, Because I Know They're Taking In Everything And Thinking All Kinds Of Smart And Potentially Judgmental Things.

I've Always Assumed That My Parents And My In-laws Would Live With Me When I Get Older And Have Children. I Just Assume It Will Happen And That It's The Right Way To Do Things. It's A Deeply Indian Custom - That You Kind Of Inherit Your Parents And Your Spouse's Parents And You Take Care Of Them Eventually.

I Write A Little Bit About What It's Like To Be A Female Boss In My Book [ Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?] And The Things I've Noticed About That, But By And Large, It's Just A Tough Job In General.

I Am Always Surprised At What Movie Studios Think People Will Want To See. I'm Even More Surprised At How Often They Are Correct.

Maybe The Point Is That Any Marriage Is Work, But You May As Well Pick Work That You Like.

I'm Actually An Impatient Person. I'm Very Suited For Television Because With The Process, It's Six Weeks From The Time You Come Up With An Episode Until When It Airs. We Can't Drag It Out That Long. With Film, And This Is Not A Profound Observation Or An Original One; It Can Go On Endlessly Unless The Movie's Like Incredibly Topical. That's The Challenge For Me, As An Impatient Person Who Wants See Things Come To Life. ... I Mean, It's Just This Feeling I Get When I See A Movie I Love.

I Think I've Always Wanted To Be A Role Model, And I Think ... Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model. I Think It's Like The Thing Keeping Me Out Of Jail.

Looking Back Six Years Ago When I Had Just Come From 'the Office' To 'the Mindy Project' And What I Was Trying To Say Back Then. I Feel Like We Don't Revisit Our Younger Idealistic Selves, You Just Get In This Pattern Of Churning These Episodes Out. Now I Was Like, "let's Try And Get In My Mind Back Then," Because My Life Personally Has Changed So Much, Too. I Just Thought, "what Was I Trying To Say? And Now Can I Make It Look Like It Was All Part Of One Larger Story."

When You Only Do 10 Episodes For A Final Season, Every Character And All Of Her Interactions In Every Storyline Have So Much More Import Because It's The Last Time We're Going To Do It. It's Been Really Helpful Saying, "ok, Where Do We Want Each Of These Characters To End?" We Have 10 Episodes To Do It And Working Backward From That, I Kind Of Envy My Friends Who Have Always Been On A Cable Network Because This Is Really That Great Benefit Of Doing It This Way.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog.

Everyone Should Try To Live Their Life Like They'd Like To Be A Role Model.

Sometimes I Aid Into The Confusion By Having My Character's Name Be My Name.

Write Your Own Part. It Is The Only Way I've Gotten Anywhere. It Is Much Harder Work, But Sometimes You Have To Take Destiny Into Your Own Hands.

If I Gave My Mother A Knitted Scarf She'd Be Worried I Was Wasting My Time Doing Stupid Stuff Like Knitting Instead Of School Work. Presenting A Homemade Knitted Object To My Parents Was Actually Like Handing Them A Detailed Backlog Of My Idleness.

My Understanding Of The Way Sex Scenes Work Is That You're Surrounded By Crew, And You're Cold, And You Have To Do It Eight Times 'cause They Didn't Get The Lighting. It Doesn't Sound Pleasant, But You Think That Actors Actually Enjoy It?

I Never Want To Be Called The Funniest Indian Female Comedian That Exists. I Feel Like I Can Go Head-to-head With The Best White, Male Comedy Writers That Are Out There. Why Would I Want To Self-categorize Myself Into A Smaller Group Than I’m Able To Compete In?

I Think That It's Insidious To Be Spending More Of Your Time Reflecting And Talking About Panels, And Talking More And More In Smart Ways About Your Otherness, Rather Than Doing The Hard Work Of Your Job.

I Love Talking About Clothes With Women; It's Like A Code Because Women Dress For Women.

If I Could Make A Device Where People Could Just Intuit Everything You Are Thinking - A Little Cable You Plug Into, Like, A Usb Port, I Would Make A Billion Dollars.

I Regard Romantic Comedies As A Subgenre Of Sci-fi, In Which The World Operates According To Different Rules Than My Regular Human World.

Teenage Girls, Please Don’t Worry About Being Super Popular In High School, Or Being The Best Actress In High School, Or The Best Athlete. Not Only Do People Not Care About Any Of That The Second You Graduate, But When You Get Older, If You Reference Your Successes In High School Too Much, It Actually Makes You Look Kind Of Pitiful, Like Some Babbling Old Tennessee Williams Character With Nothing Else Going On In Her Current Life. What I’ve Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It’s So Wonderfully Fair.

Funny Inspirational

As I've Gotten Older, I Can Look At Myself More Clearly And Own The Things That I'm Good At And Work On The Things That I'm Not. Like, I Am Not Skinny. I Know That If I Were To Lose A Little Weight I'd Literally Have More Time In The Morning Because I Know Clothes Would Fit Better. And Now I Can Look At Those Things More Practically. Instead Of Being Like, "what Does That Say About Me?," Now I'm Just Like, "that Would Be Great To Sleep In An Extra Fifteen Minutes Because I Wasn't Trying On Everything In My Closet."

I Don’t Think It Should Be Socially Acceptable For People To Say They Are “bad With Names.” No One Is Bad With Names. That Is Not A Real Thing. Not Knowing People’s Names Isn’t A Neurological Condition; It’s A Choice. You Choose Not To Make Learning People’s Names A Priority. It’s Like Saying, “hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

When Men Hear Women Want A Commitment, They Think It Means Commitment To A Romantic Relationship, But That's Not It. It's A Commitment To Not Floating Around Anymore. I Want A Guy Who Is Entrenched In His Own Life. Entrenched Is Awesome.

Directing Is Exhausting, But Not For The Actual Directing Part, When You Say "action!" And Give Creative Notes. As A Director, The Exhausting Part Is That You Are A Professional Answer-machine.

I Have Crushes On Celebrities Or People I Meet Or See In The Coffee Shop, And Every Day I Fall In Love With Three People Simply Because They Said One Funny Thing Or Appeared To Me In A Certain Way.

Falling In Love

People Who Are Good At Stand-up, They Sort Of Seem To Have To Do It. Something Within Them Makes Them Have To Go On The Road.

I Don't Want To Be Skinny. I'm Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don't Beat Myself Up Over It.

More Than Half The Questions I Am Asked Are About The Politics Of The Way I Look

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

Your Fear That Your Parents Will Actually Kill You For Dropping Out Of College Is Something That I Think A Lot Of Children Of Immigrants Would Maybe Relate To.

I Notice That A Little Bit At The Office, With, Like, An Actor: If I Decided There'd Be A Certain Way In The Script, It Would Still Seem Open-ended, Whereas ... If I Was A Man I Would Not Have Seen That.

In Terms Of My Indianness, I Try Not To Rely On It Nor Deny It. When It Comes Up Organically In My Writing, We Can Address It. About Five Years Ago, We Wrote This Episode Of 'the Office,' Called 'diwali,' Which Seemed Like An Organic Way Of Using It.

Not To Be Weird, But I Still Have An Ongoing Relationship With My Mom, Even Though She Passed Away, And I've Been Surprised At How Much I've Been Able To Convey To Her. Now I Sound Like A Total Weirdo, But That's True.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

I Have A Love/hate Relationship With My Body, Some Days I'm Happy With It And Other Days I Wasn't Born With Gisele Bundchen's Body Unfortunately, So You Got To Work For It - But It's Okay.” Madonna “do I Sometimes Look At Gisele Bündchen And Wonder How Awesome Life Would Be If I Never Had To Wear Spanx? Duh, Of Course. That's Kind Of The Point Of Gisele Bündchen.

I Am A Super-confident Writer, And As A Joke Writer And As An Actress, I'm Like, 'i Want To Go Head-to-head With Every Person.' I Am An Indian Woman And I'm A Kind Of Double Minority In This World.

I Feel Lucky Because I Was A Nerd, Which I Talk About In The Book, But I Had Academic Success, So Through That, Because That's What My Parents Put A Great Deal Of Value On, I Had A Great Childhood Because I Sort Of Fulfilled The Expectations Of Being Good At School.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

The Tweets That I Have Written That Are Most Popular Are The Ones That Are The Kind Of Universal Girly Concerns And Observations.

Sometimes You Just Have To Put On Lip Gloss And Pretend To Be Psyched.

The Chorus Of “jack And Diane” Is: Oh Yeah, Life Goes On, Long After The Thrill Of Living Is Gone. Are You Kidding Me? The Thrill Of Living Was High School? Come On, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get A Life.

Running Is A Quick Trigger For A Good Mood. The Great Thing About Endorphins, You Don't Have To Be In Great Shape To Get Them.

When I Was Twenty-five, I Went On Exactly Four Dates With A Much Older Guy Whom I'll Call Peter Parker. I'm Calling Him Peter Parker Because The Actual Guy's Name Was Also Alliterative, And Because, Well, It's My Book And I'll Name A Guy I Dated After Spider-man's Alter Ego If I Want To.

I'm Not Married, I Frequently Use My Debit Card To Buy Things That Cost Less Than Three Dollars, And My Bedroom Is So Untidy It Looks Like Vandals Ransacked The Anthropologie Sale Section. I'm Kind Of A Mess.

Couples Are Really Funny, Because If They Are Together, They Can Fight And Do Fun Things Together. In Jane Austen Books, Marriage Is The End Of The Story, But I Actually Think A Really Funny Couple Could Be A Fun Thing To Watch.

If I’m At A Party Where I’m Not Enjoying Myself, I Will Put Some Cookies In My Jacket Pocket And Leave Without Saying Good-bye.

I Don't Think Anyone Wants To Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri, The Same Way No One Wants To Grow Up To Be Michael Scott.but That's Ok.

I Have A Goofy Side That Impacts My Clothing A Lot. To That End, I Love Witty, Colorful, Prints.

What I'd Really Like To Write Is A Romantic Comedy. This Is My Favorite Kind Of Movie. I Feel Almost Embarrassed Revealing This, Because The Genre Has Been So Degraded In The Past Twenty Years That Saying You Like Romantic Comedies Is Essentially An Admission Of Mild Stupidity.

When I Have Time To Sit And Reflect On The Different Situations That I Face Every Day, I'll Be Able To Speak More Succinctly About The Challenges As A Woman.

Sarah [silverman] Writes Her Own Jokes. She Doesn't Just Go Through Her Life And Talk About Everything. She Sits Down And Crafts Jokes. Sometimes Her Inspiration Comes From Areas Of Her Life That Are Risqué. But She Is An A-plus Professional Joke-writer In Addition To Being Very Attractive And A Great Performer.

There Are Many Teenage Vampire Books You Could Have Purchased Instead. I'm Grateful You Made This Choice.

I Work So Hard And So Many Hours, And I've Done That For Years And Years And Years.

I'm Giving A Lot Of Opinions, But I Don't Give Any Advice. I'm 31 And I'm Not Married And Having Kids. I'm Five-foot-three. I Weigh, Like, 150 Pounds And I'm Not In This Position To Be Telling People How To Live.

People Seem To Be Having These Awesome Sex Lives And I'm Just Trying To Find A Life Partner To Go Apple Picking With. What's Wrong With Me?

Gratitude Is The Closest Thing To Beauty Manifested In An Emotion

Once I Saw Paris Hilton Leaving A Restaurant In Hollywood And The Paparazzi Cameras Were All Over Her. It Looked So Unpleasant. It Wasn't Because She Didn't Look Sensational - She Was That Perfect Combination Of Fashionable And Slutty - It Was Because The Paparazzi Guys Were Shouting These Insanely Rude And Intrusive Questions At Her. Like, Asking Her Who She Was Sleeping With And Stuff. I Was Kind Of Interested In The Answer, So I Was Glad They Asked, But It Was Still Gross.

In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

I Would Be The First To Admit That I Have Incredibly High, Ambitious Standards For My Life And My Career, And I've Had Those My Entire Life. It's Something That Was Just Instilled In Me By My Parents.

My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard, Be Quiet, Respect Elderly People, Respect Your Parents, And Just Be Unobtrusive.

I Feel Like The High-concept Shows That Have Some Kind Of Gimmick Tend Not To Be The Hit Classic Shows Of All Time.

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

I'm Not Overweight. I Flucuate Between Chubby And Curvy.

The Funniest Racism Is The Racism Between Minorities. It's Something You Don't See Dramatized, But Almost Every Minority I Know Who's My Age, They Have These Funny Stories About Their Parents Stereotyping Other Minorities.

Hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

Why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?

It's Weird: I Was In A Conference Room, Shouting Out Story Ideas In The Voices Of Different Characters, And It Was Something I Had To Learn Because I'd Never Been In That Atmosphere. But I Think I Had A Quick Learning Curve, Because This Is The Job I Was Supposed To Have.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

Trending Author

Richard Attenborough

Margery Allingham

Category