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In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

-Mindy Kaling

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In Real Life, Shouldn't

Mindy Kaling

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In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

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I Don't Mind That If I Ever Star In Movies, They'll Likely Be Mine. That's Okay, Because My Great Role Models - Woody Allen, Even Tyler Perry, Who Is Actually One Of My Role Models, Even If That Seems Kind Of Strange - They Do That Themselves. And It's Great. They Build Empires, And They're Known As Having Their Own Voice. I Think It's 20 Times More Fun To Act On A Set Where I Feel The Freedom To Change The Dialogue.

My Dad's Whole Family Is In Madras And I Was Born In America So We Didn't Have That Big Indian Community. I Don't Really Have Anything Interesting To Say About It. When I Talk About It People Are Like, 'meh, Let's Talk About Something Else.'

There’s A Whole List Of Things I Would Probably Change About Myself. For Example, I’m Always Trying To Lose Fifteen Pounds. But I Never Need To Be Skinny. I Don’t Want To Be Skinny. I’m Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don’t Beat Myself Up Over It.

My Whole Childhood Was Like: Work Hard, Be Quiet, Respect Elderly People, Respect Your Parents, And Just Be Unobtrusive.

I Love Talking About Clothes With Women; It's Like A Code Because Women Dress For Women.

Why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?

Anybody Can Have A Birthday. It Requires Nothing. Murderers Have Birthdays. It's The Opposite Of Anything That I Believe In. And I Don't Like At Work Where You Stop Everything To Sing 'happy Birthday' To Someone. I Feel Like That's For Children.

I Fall Into That Nebulous, Quote-unquote, Normal American Woman Size That Legions Of Fashion Stylists Detest. For The Record, I'm A Size 8 - This Week, Anyway. Many Stylists Hate That Size Because I Think To Them, It Shows That I Lack The Discipline To Be An Ascetic; Or The Confident, Sassy Abandon To Be A Total Fatty Hedonist.

Of Course, Everyone Wants To Be Mythologized In A Great Way.

If It Weren't For My Imagination, I Would Weigh Ten Thousand Pounds. This Is Because The Only Way I Am Able To Exercise Anymore Is Through A Long And Vivid Revenge Fantasy.

Something That's Happened Recently Is That I Don't Beat Myself Up About Stuff.

I Worship Makeup. The Basics Are Always: Stila Shadows, Leclerc Powder For My Crazy Shiny Skin, Bobbie Brown Liner Pot, Chanel Mascara, And Koh Gen Do For Foundation, Nars For Colors And Sparkles.

When I Was A Kid, I Would Always Write Down Lists Of My Favorite Things And Keep Them In My Wallet, Just In Case Someone Ever Needed To Know What My 10 Favorite Foods Were, Or My 10 Favorite Actors.

I Think As Women, You Know, If You Are Considered A Pioneer In These Things, You Can Get Really Distracted By These Other Things - You Know, People's Demands Of You Reflecting On Your Otherness. And For This White Critic To Say, "i Don't Understand Why She Doesn't Do That" - And You're Like, "it's Because I'm Running A Show On A Major Network And I Want The Show To Continue" - And To Sort Of Guilt Me.

If You Are Going To Ask Your Crush For Their Phone Number, You Are One Of The Small Group Of Women I Am So Jealous Of.

I Find It Very Sad That So Many Girls Who Look Up To Me Are Young Women Of Color Who Have Been Told That They Are Ugly, And Who Feel That They Are Not Normal...i Think It's So Important That Women Look Like Me Find That They Can Be Beautiful Or Objects Of Love, Attention And Affection.

Albums That Remind Me Of My Childhood Happiness Make Me Incredibly Sad Now.

I Think That When You're 5'4" And 150 Pounds And You Love To Chat And You Have A Blog About Shopping, Trying To Maintain A Tiny Bit Of Mystery Where You Possibly Can Is Not A Bad Thing.

I Kind Of Killed It In College. You Know That Saying "big Fish In A Small Pond"? At Dartmouth College, I Was Freakin' Jaws In A Community Swimming Pool

I Feel Like The High-concept Shows That Have Some Kind Of Gimmick Tend Not To Be The Hit Classic Shows Of All Time.

When I Was A Little Kid, I Wrote This Play About All These Characters Living In A Haunted House. There Was A Witch Who Lived There, And A Mummy. When They Were All Hassling Him, This Guy Who Bought The House - I Can't Believe I Remember This - He Said To Them, 'who's Paying The Mortgage On This Haunted House?' I Thought That Was Really Funny.

All I Want To Do Is Be A Gay Icon. I Was Reading Lady Gaga's Twitter, Because She Has Like 12 Million Followers, Or Something Like That. I Feel Like She Has Fans, Gay, Straight, Bi, Who Would Throw Themselves Off A Building For Her.

To Put It Kindly, I Am A Very Talkative, Social Person. To Put It Less Kindly, I’m A Flibbertigibbet, Which Is What My Frenemy Rainn Wilson Calls Me.

If You're A Kid Who Was Not Especially A Star In Your High School, I Recommend Going To A College In The Middle Of Nowhere. I Got All The Attention I Could Ever Have Wanted.

Almost Every College Playwright Or Sketch Or Improv Comedian Was Sort Of Aware Of Christopher Durang - Even Kids In High School. His Short Plays Were So Accessible To Younger People And I Think That Was Inspirational To Me.

I Have A Thick Skin, Which Comes From Being A Not-really-skinny, Dark-skinned Indian Woman. I Haven’t Fit In Every Place, And So I’m Kind Of Used To Resistance.

I Love Women Who Are Bosses And Who Don't Constantly Worry About What Their Employees Think Of Them. I Love Women Who Don't Ask, "is That Ok?" After Everything They Say. I Love When Women Are Courageous In The Face Of Unthinkable Circumstances, Like My Mother When She Was Diagnosed With Stage Iv Pancreatic Cancer. Or Like Gabrielle Giffords Writing Editorials For The New York Times About The Cowardice Of Congress Regarding Gun Laws And Using Phrases Like "mark My Words" Like She Is Clint Eastwood. How Many Women Say Stuff Like That?

I Don't Think Anyone Wants To Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri, The Same Way No One Wants To Grow Up To Be Michael Scott.but That's Ok.

I Think References, Where They Fit Organically, Are Great. It's Great To Do A Show That's Real And Relatable, And So Much Of What Is Real, Is Using Real Things And Instances That Are Specific. Specificity Is The Best Tool You Can Have, As A Writer.

I Get So Worried About Girls With Body Image Stuff And I Feel Like I Have Been Able To Have A Fun Career And Be An On-camera Talent And Be Someone Who Has Boyfriends And Love Interests And Wears Nice Clothes And Those Kinds Of Things Without Having To Be An Emaciated Stick. And It Is Possible To Do It. In Life, You Don't Have To Be That Way And You Can Have A Great Life, A Fun Life, And A Fulfilling Love Life.

I Just Want Ambitious Teenagers To Know It Is Totally Fine To Be Quite, Observant Kids. Besides Being A Delight To Your Parents, You Will Find You Have Plenty Of Time Later To Catch Up.

Comedy Writers Have The Most Fragile Egos.

I Have A Whole System Down For Returning Online Shopping: A Tape Gun, A Printer For Return Labels. That Has Replaced Traditional Window Shopping In My Life, As I've Gotten Busier.

Window Shopping

When I Have Time To Sit And Reflect On The Different Situations That I Face Every Day, I'll Be Able To Speak More Succinctly About The Challenges As A Woman.

I Know A Lot Of People Think Of Me And They Like, Oh That Girl Is Really Sexy, That Girl Is Really Put Together, She Would Never Do Something As Unladylike As A Beet Eating Competition.

This Is Extremely Challenging When You Sound Like A 12-year-old Girl, And You Decide Your First Personal Endeavor Is To Play, Like, A - Like, A Very Macho Dude.

I Think A Lot Of Writers, Male And Female, Write As If Their Parents Were Killed In A Car Accident When They Were 2, And They Have No One To Hold Accountable. And Unfortunately, I Don't Have That. I Have Parents Who I Care About What They Think.

My Parents Were Supportive Of My Creativity But Did Not Have A Lot Of Patience For Whimsy With Zero Production Value. They Had Stuff To Do.

Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.

I'm Too Excited To Sleep!

I'm Someone Who Loves Romance. I Always Have Loved It. Most People Who Grew Up As Nerds, As I Was, Surprisingly, Have Loved Romance.

Sometimes I Eavesdrop On People. I Could Rationalize It - Oh, This Is Good Anthropological Research For Characters I'm Writing - But It's Basically Just Nosiness. It Also Helps Me Gauge Where I'm At: Am I Normal?

They Talk About How Men Are Chasers, But Women Are Just Like That Too. At Least A Lot Of The Women That I Know, Who Tend To Be Ambitious, Professionally Driven Women, They Love That. Like Seeking Something Professional That Is Hard To Get, I Think They Feel The Same Way About Men.

I Think As Humans, No One Remembers Their Successes, Everyone Just Remembers Their Failures.

I Found It To Be Smooth Sailing - 100 Percent Smooth Sailing My Whole Career.

Also, Chubby People Can Never Truly Pull Off Ethereal The Same Way Skinny People Can Never Be Jolly.

In Real Life, Shouldn't A Wedding Be An Awesome Party You Throw With Your Great Pal, In The Presence Of A Bunch Of Your Other Friends? A Great Day, For Sure, But Not The Beginning And Certainly Not The End Of Your Friendship With A Person You Can't Wait To Talk About Gardening With The For The Next Forty Years.

My Mother Is More Of An Adviser. I Followed Everything She Did When I Was Younger, Because I Looked Up To Her So Much.

Besides, Who Wants To Read About Success, Anyway? Successful Serial Murderers, Maybe.

I’m Not Complaining About Romance Being Dead - I’ve Just Described A Happy Marriage As Based On Talking About Plants And A Canceled Ray Romano Show And Drinking Milkshakes: Not Exactly Rose Petals And Gazing Into Each Other’s Eyes At The Top Of The Empire State Building Or Whatever. I’m Pretty Sure My Parents Have Gazed Into Each Other’s Eyes Maybe Once, And That Was So My Mom Could Put Eyedrops In My Dad’s Eyes.

It Used To Be That You Had To Make Female Tv Characters Perfect So No One Would Be Offended By Your 'portrayal' Of Women. Even When I Started Out On 'the Office' Eight Years Ago, We Could Write Our Male Characters Funny And Flawed, But Not The Women. And Now, Thankfully, It's Completely Different.

Growing Up, I Remember My Parents Feeling A Little Wary Of 'the Simpsons.' This Was The Late Eighties, And There Was A Wave Of Articles About Tv Shows That Were Bad For America. Then We All Started Watching It And Loved It.

I Don't Want To Hear About The Endless Struggles To Keep Sex Exciting, Or The Work It Takes To Plan A Date Night. I Want To Hear That You Guys Watch Every Episode Of The Bachelorette Together In Secret Shame, Or That One Got The Other Hooked On Breaking Bad And If Either Watches It Without The Other, They're Dead Meat. I Want To See You Guys High-five Each Other Like Teammates On A Recreational Softball Team You Both Do For Fun.

If I Can Muster Up Any Allure In My Life, At This Stage, I Wouldn't Mind Doing That.

I Always Knew I Wanted Kids, But When My Mom Passed Away I Was Like, 'i Want A Bunch Of Kids. I Want Three Kids Or Four Kids, And I Want To Have That Relationship Again.' I Can't Bring My Mom Back, But I Can Have Children.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Sort Of Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog... It's Because Of My Parents. They Raised Me With The Entitlement Of A Tall, Blond, White Man.

Once I Saw Paris Hilton Leaving A Restaurant In Hollywood And The Paparazzi Cameras Were All Over Her. It Looked So Unpleasant. It Wasn't Because She Didn't Look Sensational - She Was That Perfect Combination Of Fashionable And Slutty - It Was Because The Paparazzi Guys Were Shouting These Insanely Rude And Intrusive Questions At Her. Like, Asking Her Who She Was Sleeping With And Stuff. I Was Kind Of Interested In The Answer, So I Was Glad They Asked, But It Was Still Gross.

I Used To Forget That I Was An Indian Woman. I Would Even Forget That I Was A Woman. I Don't Think Of Myself As Bringing To The Table A Lot Of 'women's Issues.' I Don't Feel The Need To Write About Maternity. I Grew Up Thinking That The Talented People In Comedy Were Hard-joke Writers.

I Have Crushes On Celebrities Or People I Meet Or See In The Coffee Shop, And Every Day I Fall In Love With Three People Simply Because They Said One Funny Thing Or Appeared To Me In A Certain Way.

Falling In Love

There Is Some Pressure When You Are A Woman Doing What I Do That You Must Support All Other Women Unconditionally, No Matter What They're Projecting, Or Writing, Or Producing, Or Putting Forth As Their Art. I Think That's Equally Arbitrary And Random And Unfair, And Kind Of Sexist. The Secretly Sexist Way. I Have Really High Standards For What I Think Is Funny. I Have That For Everything, And I Think It Would Be Disingenuous Of Me To Blanket-ly Love Everything A Woman Has Produced Simply To Make A Statement That We're All In This Together.

Woody Allen Is Really The Ultimate. I Love That He Believed In Himself Enough To Do What He Did. And I Have That Same Feeling - That There's Nobody That Looks Like Me In Movies, Nobody Would Cast Me As A Romantic Lead, But I Want To Do It And I Feel Confident That I Can.

As A Kid It's Adorable To Have A Gap In Your Teeth. But Then, Because Of The Shifting In My Mouth, I Started Whistling Through It, And As A 32-year-old Woman, Whistling While You Speak In Sort Of Annoying.

It Doesn't Help For You To Name A Character's First Name Be Mindy And Then Be Like, "i'm Nothing Like The Character."

I Have A Goofy Side That Impacts My Clothing A Lot. To That End, I Love Witty, Colorful, Prints.

One Friend With Whom You Have A Lot In Common Is Better Than Three With Whom You Struggle To Find Things To Talk About.

That’s The One Nice Thing About Being A Dork About Men: You Can Sometimes Play It Off As Restrained And Classy.

I Regard Romantic Comedies As A Subgenre Of Sci-fi, In Which The World Operates According To Different Rules Than My Regular Human World.

I Really Love "bridget Jones's Diary" - And I Love The Book, Too. You Wonder How It Ever Got Made Into A Movie. She's Supposed To Be Chubby, And Two Of The Hottest Guys Ever Are Straight-up Fighting Over Her?

I Had To Learn A Skill Set. I Think I Had The Materials To Be A Good Comedy Writer.

I Guess When You Go To Business School You Never Turn Business Off.

Business School

People Who Are Good At Stand-up, They Sort Of Seem To Have To Do It. Something Within Them Makes Them Have To Go On The Road.

There's The Psychotic Ambitious Side Of Myself That Wants A Fashion Line And My Own Network And Be Like A Combination Of Oprah And Gwen Stefani. And Have A Perfume. Definitely A Perfume.

I Stupidly Memorize My Credit Card And Use It About Thrice Weekly For Online Shopping. The Only Reason I Don't Bankrupt Myself Is That I Return About 75% Of What I Buy.

There Are So Many Distractions You Can Face As A Woman, Either With Relationships Or Worrying About, Should I Go To This Party? Or, Should I Be Doing This To Help Me Get Ahead? All [success] Is, Is Doing Your Work And Staying Focused. It's Boring Advice, But Boring Good Advice Is What You Can Get From Me!

There Is No Sunrise So Beautiful That It Is Worth Waking Me Up To See It.

Best Friend Isn't A Person, It's A Tier.

Maybe The Point Is That Any Marriage Is Work, But You May As Well Pick Work That You Like.

Another Old Saying Is That Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold. But It Feels Best Served Piping Hot, Straight Out Of The Oven Of Outrage. My Opinion? Take Care Of Revenge Right Away.

The Overlap In The Venn Diagram Of Things That Men Hate For Women To Wear And The Things That I Love To Wear, It's Almost A Full Overlap On The Venn Diagram, Which Is Unfortunate For Me.

I'm Not Married, I Frequently Use My Debit Card To Buy Things That Cost Less Than Three Dollars, And My Bedroom Is So Untidy It Looks Like Vandals Ransacked The Anthropologie Sale Section. I'm Kind Of A Mess.

When You Only Do 10 Episodes For A Final Season, Every Character And All Of Her Interactions In Every Storyline Have So Much More Import Because It's The Last Time We're Going To Do It. It's Been Really Helpful Saying, "ok, Where Do We Want Each Of These Characters To End?" We Have 10 Episodes To Do It And Working Backward From That, I Kind Of Envy My Friends Who Have Always Been On A Cable Network Because This Is Really That Great Benefit Of Doing It This Way.

"why Is Everyone Trying To Tell Me That When You Get Older It Gets Better?" I Didn't Believe It, Because I'm So Contrarian And Suspicious Of Everything. And Then To Find That It's Kind Of True Is Nice.

Colored Leather Is My Favorite. To Me, There's Nothing More Fun Than Wearing A Cobalt Blue Leather Skirt Or A Fuchsia Leather Jacket.

Leather Jackets

Elizabeth Kennedy Is So Chic. Her Gowns Have Such Structure, I Feel Like A Work Of Art.

Every Day, I Wake Up And I'm Like, "oh, I'm The Star Of My Own Show That Has My Name In It And I Get To Write It And Hire Actors That I've Loved For Such A Long Time!" It's Amazing!

I Really Think Guys Only Need Two Pairs Of Shoes. A Nice Pair Of Black Shoes And A Pair Of Chuck Taylors.

There's Obviously Instances Where I Perceive Sexism In My Job. ... I Think That The Sort Of Sexism That I See Has Been One That's A Little Bit Like A Gentler Form Of Sexism, But Still A Little Bit Debilitating, Which Is That When, As A Producer And A Writer, Whether It Was At The Office Or [at The Mindy Project], If I Make A Decision, It'll Still Seem Like It's Up For Debate.

I've Been Working In Television For So Long, Since 2004, And I Just Worked Nonstop Throughout That Time And I've Learned So Much. I've Definitely Done That 10,000 Hours. I Know The Format Really Well And I Feel Comfortable In It. I'm Excited About Going Into Something I'm Not So Comfortable In, Which Is Film.

I Don't Have Very Much Time To Surf The Net, Because It's As Though My Boss Has A Tracking Device On Me. The Instant I'm Looking At A Chloe Sweater On Shopbop, I'll Get A Call In My Office With A Pa Asking: "paul Wants To Know Where You Are And Why You're Not In The Writers Room, And If Maybe You're Online Shopping."

I Would Love If Gay Men Responded To Me. All I Want Is For Many Gay Men To Dress Up As Me For Halloween.

It's Weird: I Was In A Conference Room, Shouting Out Story Ideas In The Voices Of Different Characters, And It Was Something I Had To Learn Because I'd Never Been In That Atmosphere. But I Think I Had A Quick Learning Curve, Because This Is The Job I Was Supposed To Have.

On 'the Office,' So Much Of The Show Is About Disguising Your True Feelings And Your Romantic Feelings Because It Was A Mock Documentary.

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

What? I Have A Cold. Don’t Get A Look Of Terror On Your Face. The Worst That Could Happen Is That You’ll Get A Cold, Too. You Don’t Have To Theatrically Purell A Thousand Times A Day And Look All Panicky Every Time I Come Into The Room.

I Have Never Regretted Erring On The Side Of Withholding Information.

When I Was Growing Up, I Didn't Do Plays In Downtown Boston, And My Parents Weren't Putting Me In Auditions. They Never Thought, Oh, She Has A Gift! They Never Thought Of Me As An Entertainer When I Was A Young Kid.

You Always Want To Keep Your Look Clean And Elegant, But You Don't Have To Do The Safe Black-dress Route. Have Some Fun! Wear Something Colorful With A Hint Of Sparkle.

In My Writers' Room, Which Is Mostly Men, I Get A Lot Of Questions Like "what Would Be The Quickest Way To Pass As A Seemingly Normal Guy Between The Ages Of Twenty-five And Forty Years Old?"

In My Mind, The Sexiest Thing In The World Is The Feeling That You’re Wanted.

I’ve Worked In Television For 10 Years Straight. If I Were A Man, It Wouldn’t Be Considered Strange [to Have Confidence] At All.

The Tweets That I Have Written That Are Most Popular Are The Ones That Are The Kind Of Universal Girly Concerns And Observations.

Write Your Own Part. It Is The Only Way I've Gotten Anywhere. It Is Much Harder Work, But Sometimes You Have To Take Destiny Into Your Own Hands.

I Am The Kind Of Person That Is Drawn To Colors Against My Will.

I Never Want To Be Called The Funniest Indian Female Comedian That Exists. I Feel Like I Can Go Head-to-head With The Best White, Male Comedy Writers That Are Out There. Why Would I Want To Self-categorize Myself Into A Smaller Group Than I’m Able To Compete In?

The Internet Also Makes It Extraordinarily Difficult For Me To Focus. One Small Break To Look Up Exactly How Almond Milk Is Made, And Four Hours Later I'm Reading About The Donner Party And Texting All My Friends: Did You Guys Know About The Donner Party And How Messed Up That Was? Text Me Back So We Can Talk About It!

My Mom Always Used To Say, "you Can't Say I Love You Before You Can Say I." And I Think That Sort Of Makes Sense.

It's Really Sweet When People Tweet At Me And Say I'm Their Spirit Animal Or 'i Wish She Was My Best Friend,' Which Is The Nicest Compliment. For Me, It's Like, Doing Television Is So Personal Because You're In People's Homes, So The Fact That People Feel That Way Means So Much To Me.

Right Now, I'm Hankering For New Adventures... Ninety Percent Of The Time I'm Having Romantic-comedy Fantasies In Which I'm Wearing Little Pencil Skirts And Hurrying Down To The Subway.

I Have A Love/hate Relationship With My Body, Some Days I'm Happy With It And Other Days I Wasn't Born With Gisele Bundchen's Body Unfortunately, So You Got To Work For It - But It's Okay.” Madonna “do I Sometimes Look At Gisele Bündchen And Wonder How Awesome Life Would Be If I Never Had To Wear Spanx? Duh, Of Course. That's Kind Of The Point Of Gisele Bündchen.

Is This A Generation Of Orphans Who Are Going To The Improv To Do Stand-up?

Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Thinking About Politics In Your Workplace Too Much. Just Work Hard, Be Cheerful, Ignore Distractions.

I'm Not Into Red Carpet Looks Where It's Clear The Woman Wanted To Look Like A Pretty, Pretty Princess.

Future Hipsters Will Love Me Ironically.

Truthfully, I Guess I Would Like To Be Remembered As A Great Writer And A Kind Person. I Wouldn't Mind If An Expensive Bag Were Named After Me, Like Jane Birkin.

I Just Have My Characters Say My Controversial Opinions And Then Hide Behind Them.

That's My Advice To People. You Can't Get Hung Up On Thinking, "am I The Victim In This Situation?" No, I'm In Charge Of It.

Skinny Foodie, Get Away From Me.

I'd Rather Be Like Odysseus Than Someone Who Was Handed Everything.

I Write A Little Bit About What It's Like To Be A Female Boss In My Book [ Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?] And The Things I've Noticed About That, But By And Large, It's Just A Tough Job In General.

There Are Many Teenage Vampire Books You Could Have Purchased Instead. I'm Grateful You Made This Choice.

There Is A Lot Of Catarsis That Passes Itself Off As Art Or Comedy And I'm Kind Of Critical Of That. I Think That Just Because You Bare Your Soul Or Underwear Or Private Moments It Doesn't , Or Necessarily Make For Entertainment, Or Good Writing, Or Funny Writing.

All Women Love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George Vi—at This Point He Could Play The Craigslist Killer And People Would Be Like, 'oh My God, The Craigslist Killer Has The Most Boyish Smile!

I Guess Nothing Puts A Damper On A One-night Stand As Much As Your Friend Pointing Out All The Opportunities Where You Might Have Been Killed.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

I'm Not Good At Anything Except Writing Jokes. I Wasn't Good At Sports, I Wasn't Good At Anything Artsy, Ever. I Think There Was A Real Worry For A While About What I Would Be Good At. I Was Just This Chubby Little Indian Kid Who Looked Like A Nerd.

Live Performance Really Terrifies Me. I Haven't Done It, Really, In Years. I Think That's Why I Retired From My Brief Career In Stand-up.

It'd Be Great To Be So Famous That If I Murder Someone, I Will Never, Ever, Ever Serve Any Jail Time, Even If It's Totally Obvious To Everyone That I Did It.

I Don't Want To Be Skinny. I'm Constantly In A State Of Self-improvement But I Don't Beat Myself Up Over It.

I Have An Underdog Spirit In Me, And Now It Feels Weird To Kind Of Get My Own Way More Often Than Not.

The Funniest Racism Is The Racism Between Minorities. It's Something You Don't See Dramatized, But Almost Every Minority I Know Who's My Age, They Have These Funny Stories About Their Parents Stereotyping Other Minorities.

Listen, My Body Is Attracted To Your Body But When You Speak It Makes My Brain Angry.

People, You Know, Had Trouble With The Character. Mindy Is Not Immediately Likeable. She Does And Says A Lot Of Things That You Don't See In, Forget Female Characters, Any Characters. Like, She Says Things Like, "i'm Going To Hell Because I Don't Really Care About The Environment And I Love To Gossip."

Fast Food Is Hugely Important In The Life Of A Comedy Writer. All We Do Is Order In, And What We're Going To Eat Is Hotly Debated.

I Can't Have A Big Breakfast Or A Big Lunch Because I Get Very Lethargic, And Then I Get Really Cranky. I Eat, But I Have To Eat Small, Healthful Amounts Of Food.

We Always Think Of A Diet With A Big Groan. But I Think Diets Are Fun. I Think It Is An American Pastime For A Lot Of Women.

When People Call Me Either A Girl Crush Or Their Best Friend, Like, The Best Friend They Want, That's, To Me, The Best Compliment Anyone Could Ever Give Me.

I Feel Lucky Because I Was A Nerd, Which I Talk About In The Book, But I Had Academic Success, So Through That, Because That's What My Parents Put A Great Deal Of Value On, I Had A Great Childhood Because I Sort Of Fulfilled The Expectations Of Being Good At School.

I'm Indian-american And I Think That When I Think Of Myself As Being Culturally Indian, It Had So Much To Do With When I Lived With My Parents And Was A Kid Because They Would Take Me To The Diwali Festivals. They Would Take Me To The Temple, And They Would Teach Me About All The Different Holidays.

I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Picture-hanging Man. I Don't Care If He Takes Prescription Drugs For Cholesterol Or Hair Loss.

If I Could Make A Device Where People Could Just Intuit Everything You Are Thinking - A Little Cable You Plug Into, Like, A Usb Port, I Would Make A Billion Dollars.

Teenage Girls, Please Don’t Worry About Being Super Popular In High School, Or Being The Best Actress In High School, Or The Best Athlete. Not Only Do People Not Care About Any Of That The Second You Graduate, But When You Get Older, If You Reference Your Successes In High School Too Much, It Actually Makes You Look Kind Of Pitiful, Like Some Babbling Old Tennessee Williams Character With Nothing Else Going On In Her Current Life. What I’ve Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It’s So Wonderfully Fair.

Funny Inspirational

For Heaven’s Sake, If You Don’t Know Someone’s Name, Just Pretend You Do. Do That Thing Everyone Else Does, Where You Vaguely Say, “nice To See You!” And Make Weak Eye Contact.

I Had These Kind Of Unrealistic Expectations That Were Fueled By Romantic Comedies, And It Has Both Helped Me And Hurt Me In Many Ways. It Helped Me Because, In General, They've Made Me Hopeful. I Just Figure Things Will Eventually Work Out For Me. But Nobody Is Like Any Tom Hanks Character. Nobody Is Hugh Grant. No One Is Meg Ryan!

Twitter Is So Short, It's Safe. I Don't Want My Bosses To Be Like, 'hey, Your Script Is Due And We Saw You Wrote Four Blog Pages.'

What I'd Really Like To Write Is A Romantic Comedy. This Is My Favorite Kind Of Movie. I Feel Almost Embarrassed Revealing This, Because The Genre Has Been So Degraded In The Past Twenty Years That Saying You Like Romantic Comedies Is Essentially An Admission Of Mild Stupidity.

Nothing Gives You Confidence Like Being A Member Of A Small, Weirdly Specific, Hard-to-find Demographic.

I Don't Need Marriage. I Don't Need Anyone To Take Care Of All My Needs And Desires. I Can Take Care Of Them Myself Now.

My Relationship With My Mom Is Really The Single Most Profound Relationship That I've Ever Had In My Life.

More Than Half The Questions I Am Asked Are About The Politics Of The Way I Look

When I Was A Kid, My Parents Smartly Raised Us To Keep Quiet, Be Respectful To Older People, And Generally Not Question Adults All That Much. I Think That's Because They Were Assuming That 99 Percent Of The Time, We'd Be Interacting With Worthy, Smart Adults... They Didn't Ever Tell Me 'sometimes You Will Meet Idiots Who Are Technically Adults And Authority Figures. You Don't Have To Do What They Say.

I Have A Personality Defect Where I Refuse To See Myself As An Underdog.

I'm An Actor And A Writer And A Showrunner And I Edit My Show. ... I Have A Job That Three People Usually Have, And I Have It In One Person. And The Idea That The Critic Thought That I Had This Excess Of Time For Which I Could Go To, Like, Panels Or Write Essays Was Just So Laughable To Me.

..i Find It Incredible Impossible Not To Cry When I Hear Stevie Nicks's "landslide," Especially The Lyric: "i've Been Afraid Of Changing, Because I've Built My Life Around You." I Think A Good Test To See If A Human Is Actually A Robot/android/cylon Is To Have Them Listen To This Song Lyric And Study Their Reaction. If They Don't Cry, You Should Stab Them Through The Heart. You Will Find A Fusebox.

Later, When You're Grown Up, You Realize You Never Really Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That's It.

I Don't Ever Remember Being Able To Debate With My Parents. Even Though I Thought Of Myself As A Very Bright Kid, I Couldn't Be Vocal In That Way.

We Have This Saying, And It's Been Very Useful When A Series, 'the Mindy Project' Goes For Longer Than A Hundred Episodes, Which Is Mindy Character Can Never Get What She Wants When She Wants It. We Enjoyed It Because It Felt Very Real To Her Character To Make A Big Impulsive Move And It Seems Like She Has Everything, This Instant Family, A Guy She Loves And Then There's A Moment Of Panic.

I Didn't Completely Forget How To Be Nice Or Feminine Because I Have A Career.

I'm An A Student. I'm Addicted To Feedback, And I Want To Please People. That's Sort Of How I've Gotten To Where I Am.

He Was So Popular You Could Barely Look At Him Without Being Blinded By Cool.

Couples Are Really Funny, Because If They Are Together, They Can Fight And Do Fun Things Together. In Jane Austen Books, Marriage Is The End Of The Story, But I Actually Think A Really Funny Couple Could Be A Fun Thing To Watch.

When Men Hear Women Want A Commitment, They Think It Means Commitment To A Romantic Relationship, But That's Not It. It's A Commitment To Not Floating Around Anymore. I Want A Guy Who Is Entrenched In His Own Life. Entrenched Is Awesome.

Why Didn’t You Talk About Whether Women Are Funny Or Not? I Just Felt That By Commenting On That In Any Real Way, It Would Be Tacit Approval Of It As A Legitimate Debate, Which It Isn’t.

Catharsis Isn't Art. You Can't Rely On Catharsis To Get A Laugh. Because Guess What? People Do Laugh When Something's Shocking, But That Is, To Me, The Absolute Fakest Of Laughs. That's Not Something That Sustains A Television Series, Or A Movie, Or Even 45 Minutes Of A Stand-up Set At Carolines.

My Dad Is A Very Snappy Dresser; He Gets All His Stuff Tailored. He's An Architect, So He's A Little More Artistically Minded.

In Terms Of My Indianness, I Try Not To Rely On It Nor Deny It. When It Comes Up Organically In My Writing, We Can Address It. About Five Years Ago, We Wrote This Episode Of 'the Office,' Called 'diwali,' Which Seemed Like An Organic Way Of Using It.

Not To Be Weird, But I Still Have An Ongoing Relationship With My Mom, Even Though She Passed Away, And I've Been Surprised At How Much I've Been Able To Convey To Her. Now I Sound Like A Total Weirdo, But That's True.

The Way That Tv Is Set Up Is Very Helpful For When A Show Comes To An End Because As An Actor, You've Got Acting, But As A Showrunner You Still Get To Edit For Three Months And After That Ends You Get To Do A Sound Mix. So, As A Writer-performer In Television, It's A Very Nurturing, Gradual Environment To Say Goodbye To A Show.

I Once Heard That Quentin Tarantino, Who I Obviously Love And Think Is A Genius, Says That There's No Such Thing As Guilty Pleasure, There's Only Pleasures. And I Do Love That Idea, Because I Do Think That There's A Pretentiousness When People Make A List Of Their Favorite Things. I Like To Live A Life Where I Don't Think Of My Pleasures As Guilty Pleasures.

Those Who Are Saying It's Possible [to Balance Family And Business] Are Often In A Little Bit Of A Rarefied Place Where They Also Have The Money To Do That. It's Not Quite Such An Easy Stance To Take When You Don't Have The Same Resources. I Like To Remind People That These Are Rich Manhattanites And To Keep An Eye On The Fact That, Especially With Social Media And These Articles And These Blogs, That That Is Not The Reality For Most Women, Unfortunately.

There Are Little Indian Girls Out There Who Look Up To Me, And I Never Want To Belittle The Honor Of Being An Inspiration To Them. But While I’m Talking About Why I’m So Different, White Male Show Runners Get To Talk About Their Art. I Always Get Asked, ‘where Do You Get Your Confidence?’ I Think People Are Well Meaning, But It’s Pretty Insulting. Because What It Means To Me Is, ‘you, Mindy Kaling, Have All The Trappings Of A Very Marginalized Person. You’re Not Skinny, You’re Not White, You’re A Woman. Why On Earth Would You Feel Like You’re Worth Anything?’

So I’m Into Men Now, Even Though They Can Be Frightening. I Want A Schedule-keeping, Waking-up-early, Wallet-carrying, Non-velcro-shoe-wearing Man.

In Junior High, There Were A Lot Of Really Ugly Guys Who Were Popular Because They Made People Laugh. I Was Like, "wow, Comedy Is The Great Freer Of Hideous People." It Was An Incredibly Liberating Thing. If You Ask A Girl, "what Do You Want In A Guy?" 99 Percent Are Like, "i Just Want Him To Be Funny." I Thought, "if That Applies To Women, I'm Set.

I Am An Incredibly Impatient Person.

If I’m At A Party Where I’m Not Enjoying Myself, I Will Put Some Cookies In My Jacket Pocket And Leave Without Saying Good-bye.

I Have The Right To Life, Liberty And Chicken Wings.

Declaration Of Independence

If I'm Going To Be A Mess, I Might As Well Be A Hot Mess, Right?

I Would Rather Have Someone Read My Diary Than Look At My Ipod Playlists.

I Try Not To Put Anything Political On The Forefront Of What I'm Trying To Do Creatively. At The Same Time, I Do Think It's Wonderful When I Hear People Say That It's Inspirational That I'm An Indian Woman On Camera. My Life Is Very Diverse, And My Friends Are A Diverse Group Of People.

I Am Always Surprised At What Movie Studios Think People Will Want To See. I'm Even More Surprised At How Often They Are Correct.

I Feel Like If I Had My Personality But Was An Ob/gyn, You Would Be Psyched. You'd Be Like, 'my Chatty, Pop-culture-interested But Plainspoken, Wants-to-talk-about-clothes But Serious-minded Doctor.' I Feel Like I Would Clean Up With Patients. That's Kind Of A Cocky Thing To Say.

My Version Of An Irish Exit Has An Air Of Deception To It, Because It Includes My Asking Loudly, “where’s The Bathroom?” And Making Theatrical Looking-around Gestures Like A Lost Foreign Tourist. But Then, Instead Of Finding The Bathroom, I Sneakily Grab My Coat And Leave.

I Work So Hard And So Many Hours, And I've Done That For Years And Years And Years.

Hey, A Disclaimer About Me: I’m Rude.

I Sort Of Refuse To Be An Outsider, Even Though I Know That I Very Much Look Like One To A Lot Of People, And I Refuse To View Myself In Such Terms.

I, Like Most Women, I Dress For Other Women, I Think. If I Was Going To Dress For Men, I Think In General I Would Be Just Wearing, Like, A Fitted Black T-shirt And Tight Jeans Every Day.

I Have A Great Job Writing For “the Office,” But, Really, All Television Writers Do Is Dream Of One Day Writing Movies. I’ll Put It This Way: At The Oscars The Most Famous Person In The Room Is, Like, Angelina Jolie. At The Emmys The Huge Exciting Celebrity Is Bethenny Frankel. You Get What I Mean.

Anyone Who's Lost Someone To Cancer Will Say This, That You Have To Struggle To Try To Remember The Person Before The Diagnosis Happened, Because They Really Do Change - As Anyone Would Change.

Sarah [silverman] Writes Her Own Jokes. She Doesn't Just Go Through Her Life And Talk About Everything. She Sits Down And Crafts Jokes. Sometimes Her Inspiration Comes From Areas Of Her Life That Are Risqué. But She Is An A-plus Professional Joke-writer In Addition To Being Very Attractive And A Great Performer.

My Dream Of Course, As A Writer And A Person Who's An Entertainer, Is: Grow Up To Be Mindy Kaling, Don't Grow Up To Be Mindy Lahiri.

I Think Women In General Like Men That Don't Give Them The Thing That We Want. We Want A Chase.

Directing Is Exhausting, But Not For The Actual Directing Part, When You Say "action!" And Give Creative Notes. As A Director, The Exhausting Part Is That You Are A Professional Answer-machine.

What I've Noticed Is That Almost No One Who Was A Big Star In High School Is Also Big Star Later In Life. For Us Overlooked Kids, It's So Wonderfully Fair.

People Seem To Be Having These Awesome Sex Lives And I'm Just Trying To Find A Life Partner To Go Apple Picking With. What's Wrong With Me?

My Understanding Of The Way Sex Scenes Work Is That You're Surrounded By Crew, And You're Cold, And You Have To Do It Eight Times 'cause They Didn't Get The Lighting. It Doesn't Sound Pleasant, But You Think That Actors Actually Enjoy It?

I Say If You Love Something, Set It In A Small Cage And Pester And Smother It With Love Until It Either Loves You Back Or Dies.

Funny Motivational

Whenever I Wanted To Talk To Anyone On The East Coast, It Was Way Too Late. Living Three Hours Behind Was One Thing I Complained About. The Other Thing, Of Course, Was Just That There Were No Seasons. I Would Complain About That Too. Just Tons Of Complaining, Man, Early On. I Can't Believe I'm Still Friends With The People I Was Friends With When I First Started In La.

Here's My Feeling: For Everyone, Men And Women, It's Important To Be A Feminist. It's Important To Have Female Characters. It's Wonderful For Women To Mentor Other Women, But It's Just As Important For Women To Mentor Men And Vice-versa. In My Line Of Work, Having Greg Daniels Be Such A Great Mentor To Me Is Fantastic. Finding A Writer's Assistant, Be It A Man Or A Woman, And Encouraging Them To Think With A Feminist Perspective, Is Key.

I Think A Lot Of People Compare Female Writers Or Female Comedians To Each Other In A Way That Men Are Not. Male Comedy Writers Are Not Scrutinized.

When You're "east Coast" Person, You Are So Insufferable, And You Have No Idea. And I Was. One, Because I Was Miserable, And Nobody Liked To Be Around A Miserable Person, And Two, Everything That I Thought Was So Profound, Everyone Had Already Dealt With.

Writing A Book Is The Most Terrifying Thing That I've Ever Done. It's So Much Harder Than Writing For Television Because It Is A Completely Different Skill Set.

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