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The Key Point About A Demonstration Is That It Must Be Seen. Hence The Term "demonstration." If A Person Demonstrates Privately In His Own Home, This Is Not Technically A Demonstration But Merely "acting Silly" Or "behaving Like An Ass.

-Woody Allen

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The Key Point About

Woody Allen

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The Key Point About A Demonstration Is That It Must Be Seen. Hence The Term "demonstration." If A Person Demonstrates Privately In His Own Home, This Is Not Technically A Demonstration But Merely "acting Silly" Or "behaving Like An Ass.

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You Know How You're Always Trying To Get Things To Come Out Perfect In Art Because It's Real Difficult In Life

If You're Not Failing, You're Not Trying Anything.

Learning From Mistakes

Pale, Nervous Girls With Black-rimmed Glasses And Blunt-cut Hair Lolled Around On Sofas, Riffling Penguin Classics Provocatively. [...] But It Wasn’t Just Intellectual Experiences—they Were Peddling Emotional Ones, Too. For Fifty Bucks, I Learned, You Could “relate Without Getting Close.” For A Hundred, A Girl Would Lend You Her Bartok Records, Have Dinner, And Then Let You Watch While She Had An Anxiety Attack.

If My Films Make One More Person Miserable, I'll Feel I Have Done My Job.

I'm Giving [my Analyst] One More Year--then I'm Going To Lourdes.

I've Always Liked, Someday The Lamb Will Lay By The Lion.... But It Won't Get Much Sleep.

You Are Much More Dependent On Luck Than You Think. People Say If You Want To Have A Good Relationship, You Have To Work At It. But You Never Hear It About Anything You Really Like, About Sailing Or Going To Soccer Games.

I Took A Puff Of The Wrong Cigarette At A Fraternity Dance Once, And The Cops Had To Get Me, Y'know. I Broke Two Teeth Trying To Give A Hickie To The Statue Of Liberty.

If You Are Not Failing Now And Again, Its A Sign You Are Not Doing Anything Very Innovative

All Over The World, Relationships Between Men And Women Are Very, Very Tricky And Very Difficult And You Don't Learn Anything. It's Not An Exact Science, So You Can't Learn Anything. You're Always Going By Instinct And Your Instinct Betrays You Because You Want What You Want When You Want It.

I've Always Been Lucky In Casting. The Trick In Casting Is To Hire Great People, And Let Them Do What They Do, Don't Interfere With Them Too Much. And Then When They're Great, Take Credit For It In The End.

In Perpetrating A Revolution, There Are Two Requirements: Someone Or Something To Revolt Against And Someone To Actually Show Up And Do The Revolting. Dress Is Usually Casual And Both Parties May Be Flexible About Time And Place, But If Either Faction Fails To Attend, The Whole Enterprise Is Likely To Come Off Badly.

Drama, It Would Be As If You Wrote Some Poetry. You'd Run The Risk Of Being Embarrassed If People Read It, Because You're Pouring Your Heart Out And You're Not Mitigating It With Any Humor Or Anything.

Astronomers Say The Universe Is Finite, Which Is A Comforting Thought For Those People Who Can't Remember Where They Leave Things.

I Can Understand That An Audience, Buying A Ticket To See A Picture Of Mine, Wants To See Something Funny Because They Feel Confident That At Least I Have A Fighting Chance To Make A Funny Film When I Make A Film, Whereas If I Make A Dramatic Film There's One Chance In A Thousand That It's Really Going To Come Out Great, So I Understand How They Feel About That And They're Completely Right.

[the Universe Is] Haphazard, Morally Neutral, And Unimaginably Violent.

I Think There Is Too Much Wrong With The World To Ever Get Too Relaxed And Happy. The More Natural State, And The Better One, I Think, Is One Of Some Anxiety And Tension Over Man's Plight In This Mysterious Universe.

Mysterious Universe

Sometimes The Critics Will Like A Film, And The Public Doesn't Come. Sometimes The Critics Won't Like The Film, And The Public Will Come. It's Completely Spontaneous. It's A Hazard.

I Took A Speed-reading Course And Read War And Peace In Twenty Minutes. It Involves Russia.

You Know, It's One Thing About Intellectuals, They Prove That You Can Be Absolutely Brilliant And Have No Idea What's Going On.

When A Doctor Makes A Mistake, It's Best To Bury The Subject.

I Failed To Make The Chess Team Because Of My Height.

Those Who Can't Do, Teach. And Those Who Can't Teach, Teach Gym.

The Only Love That Lasts Is Unrequited Love.

My Success Has Allowed Me To Strike Out With A Higher Class Of Women.

Nothing Worth Knowing Can Be Understood With The Mind.

I've Had A Very Productive Life. I've Worked Very Hard, I've Never Fallen Prey To Depression. I'm Not Sure I Could Have Done All Of That Without Being In Psychoanalysis.

Productive Life

Man Consists Of Two Parts, His Mind And His Body, Only The Body Has More Fun.

Death Is An Acquired Trait.

Fantasy Is Seductive And Much More Wonderful Than Reality, But You Can't Take It To The Bank. It's Always An Escape. And If Used As An Escape, As In Attending A Movie Or A Show For A Circumscribed Period Of Time, It's Fine. When It Starts To Become Undifferentiated From Reality, It Leads To Big Trouble.

Of All The Wonders Of Nature, A Tree In Summer Is Perhaps The Most Remarkable; With The Possible Exception Of A Moose Singing 'embraceable You' In Spats.

History Is The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Fitness Motivational

Temporary Insanity

Human Existence Is A Brutal Experience To Me... It's A Brutal, Meaningless Experience - An Agonizing, Meaningless Experience With Some Oases, Delight, Some Charm And Peace, But These Are Just Small Oases. Overall, It Is A Brutal, Terrible Experience, And So It Salvation Is What Can You Do To Alleviate The Agony Of The Human Condition, The Human Predicament? That Is What Interests Me The Most.

I Sued American Apparel Because They Calculatingly Took My Name, My Likeness And Image And Used Them Publicly To Promote Their Business.

Our Love, Our Love Will Last Forever. It's Forever But It Just Doesn't Work. That's Why It Will Always Be Romantic Because It Can Not Be Complete.

My Films Are Misinterpreted All The Time. I Don't Mind That. Everybody's Films Are Misinterpreted. But There's No Malice Or Stupidity In The People That Misinterpret Them. You Know What You Do, But Someone Else Sees It, And They Want To Talk About It Or Write About It, And So They Misinterpret Them.

My Brain? It's My Second Favorite Organ!

I Think If You Have A Comic Perspective, Almost Anything That Happens You Tend To Put Through A Comic Filter. It's A Way Of Coping In The Short Term, But Has No Long Term Effect And Requires Constant, Endless Renewal. Hence People Talk Of Comics Who Are "always On." It's Like Constantly Drugging Your Sensibility So You Can Get By With Less Pain.

To Be A Film Director Is Not A Democracy, It's Really A Tyranny. You're The Head Of The Project, For Better Rather Than Worse. I Write The Film And I Direct The Film, I Decide Who's Going To Be In It, I Decide On The Editing, I Put In The Music From My Own Record Collection.

I Can Make Films. And Some Of Them Come Out Good, And Some Of Them Come Out Better, And Some Of Them Come Out Worse. But I've Been Very Lucky Over The Years To Be Able To Sustain The Length Of Career That I've Had.

It's Funny. Maria Elena And I, We Are Meant For Each Other And Not Meant For Each Other, It's A Contradiction.

The Dictatorship Is Shut Up, Democracy Is Always Concerned.

I Do Occasionally Envy The Person Who Is Religious Naturally, Without Being Brainwashed Into It Or Suckered Into It By All The Organized Hustles.

It Is Impossible To Experience One's Death Objectively And Still Carry A Tune.

Taste My Tuna Casserole - Tell Me If I Put In Too Much Hot Fudge.

Some Guy Hit My Fender, And I Told Him, 'be Fruitful And Multiply,' But Not In Those Words.

Why Ruin A Good Story With The Truth?

Is World Peace Possible Or Is The Human Race Too Innately Aggressive? For Instance: Have You Ever Seen Women At A Sample Sale?

Nothing Like A Little Post-traumatic Stress Disorder To Make Your Day Complete.

Music Has Always Helped My Films. In 'the Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' You Can Hear 'sunrise' By Glenn Miller, An Idol Of My Childhood, In The Surprise Ending. I Like Mixing Comedy With Suspense And Action.

Until You've Been Kissed On A Rainy Parisian Afternoon - You've Never Been Kissed.

Never Been Kissed

It's Easier To Direct. If You Direct Something Poorly And Re-shoot It The Next Day, Stage It Better, Make It Work Better, You Have A Lot Of Possibilities. You Can Edit It In Certain Ways So That It Works, But There's No Getting Around Weaknesses Of The Script.

Paris Is A Very Exciting City. I Learned About Paris The Same Way That Americans Do: From The Movies.

I Am Not Afraid Of Death. I Just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens.

If The [actors] Are Working, And I Have A Dinner Engagement, I Don't Do 20 Takes. I Do Five Takes And Go Home. I Want To Go To Dinner.

My Father Owned A Small Piece Of Land. He Carried It With Him Wherever He Went.

In Life, One Is Entitled To A Side Dish Of Either Coleslaw Or Potato Salad, And The Choice Must Be Made In Terror, With The Knowledge That Not Only Is Our Time On Earth Limited But Most Kitchens Close At Ten.

If You Don't Have Fun Doing The Film, Then The Results Of The Film Will Never Give You Any Fun.

I've Never Dated A Fictional Character Before. The Closest I Ever Came Was An Italian.

Fictional Character

I Hope You're Getting This Down.

Bisexuality Immediately Doubles Your Chances For A Date On Saturday Night.

More Than Any Other Time In History, Mankind Faces A Crossroads. One Path Leads To Despair And Utter Hopelessness. The Other, To Total Extinction. Let Us Pray We Have The Wisdom To Choose Correctly.

Standing In A Garage No More Makes You A Car Than Standing In A Church Makes You A Christian.

I Wonder If Socrates And Plato Took A House On Crete During The Summer.

Why Not? Life Is Short, Life Is Dull, Life Is Full Of Pain - And This Is A Chance For Something Special.

Change Is Almost Always Negative. Things Degenerate.

Every Success Is Built On The Ability To Do Better Than Good Enough. As You Climb The Ladder Of Success, Be Sure It's Leaning Against The Right Building. Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.

What Has Gotten Into You Lately? Save A Little Craziness For Menopause!

When It Comes To Sex There Are Certain Things That Should Always Be Left Unknown, And With My Luck, They Probably Will Be.

As I Got More Confident, I Was Able To Let Actors Improvise, And Do Long Takes. It's 10%, 5% You Learn And Experience. The Rest You Just Have Or You Don't Have.

Everybody Knows How Awful The World Is And What A Terrible Situation It Is And Each Person Distorts It In A Certain Way That Enables Him To Get Through. Some People Distort It With Religious Things. Some People Distort It With Sports, With Money, With Love, With Art, And They All Have Their Own Nonsense About What Makes It Meaningful, And All But Nothing Makes It Meaningful. These Things Definitely Serve A Certain Function, But In The End They All Fail To Give Life Meaning And Everyone Goes To His Grave In A Meaningless Way.

Some Men Are Heterosexual And Some Men Are Bisexual And Some Men Don't Think About Sex At All ... You Know, They Become Lawyers.

I'd Like To Make A Great Movie. I've Made Many Movies. I Think I've Made Some Good Movies, But I Never Felt I've Made A Great Movie.

I Hate The Beach. I Hate The Sun. I'm Pale And I'm Redheaded. I Don't Tan - I Stroke!

It Figures You've Got To Hate Yourself If You've Got Any Integrity At All.

My One Regret In Life Is That I Am Not Someone Else.

I Don't Have To 'freedom-kiss' My Wife When What I Really Want To Do Is French-kiss Her.

I Think Being Funny Is Not Anyone's First Choice.

For Some Reason I'm More Appreciated In France Than I Am Back Home. The Subtitles Must Be Incredibly Good.

If It Turns Out That There Is A God...the Worst That You Can Say About Him Is That Basically He's An Underachiever.

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get You.

They Were Doing The Dying Swan At The Ballet. And There Was A Rumor That Some Bookmarkers Had Drifted Into Town From Upstate New York And That They Had Fixed The Bullet. There Was A Lot Of Money Bet On The Swan To Live.

His Lack Of Education Is More Than Compensated For By His Keenly Developed Moral Bankruptcy.

I Recently Turned 60. Practically A Third Of My Life Is Over.

Since I Was A Kid, I Could Make Up Stories, I Could Make Up Funny Jokes And I Could Always Do It. When I'm Walking Down The Street Or Having Dinner, Ideas Will Hit Me, And I Write Them Down On Matchbooks Or Napkins And Throw Them In The Draw.

There's No Way To Prove That There Is No God. You Just Have To Take It On Faith.

There Is No God

My Heart Says One Thing. My Head Says Another. Very Hard To Get Your Heart And Head Together In Life.

When I'm Writing Something, If There's A Part That's Good For Me, Then I'll Play It. Otherwise, I Don't. And I Notice That There Are Less And Less Parts For Me In My Own Writing.

I've Always Had An Easy Time Directing Actors Because I Always Hire Ones That Are Great Before I Get My Hands On Them.

I Can't Do Anything To Death, Doctor's Orders.

When A Film Is Reviled, You Open A Film And People Say "oh, It's The Stupidest Thing, It's The Worst Movie." You Think: Oh, Nobody's Going To Ever Speak To You Again. But, It Doesn't Happen. Nobody Cares. You Know, They Read It And They Say "oh, They Hated Your Film." You Care, At The Time. But They Don't. Nobody Else Cares.

How Am I Immature? Intellectually, Emotionally, And Sexually. Yeah, But In What Other Ways?

Cynicism Is Reality With An Alternate Spelling.

I Think You Should Defend To The Death Their Right To March, And Then Go Down And Meet Them With Baseball Bats. (on The Kkk)

I Should Go To Paris And Jump Off Of The Eiffel Tower. If I Took The Concorde, I Could Be Dead Three Hours Earlier.

Usually, You Hire People That You Think Are Wonderful.

I Came Home One Night, Some Month Ago, And I Went To The Closet In My Bedroom...and A Moth Ate My Sports Jacket. He Was Laying On The Floor, Nauseous, Y'know.

In A Relationship, It Is Better To Be The Leaver Than The Leavee.

All Literature Is A Footnote To Faust. I Have No Idea What I Mean By That.

You're So Good Looking I Can Barely Keep My Eyes On The Meter.

How The Hell Do I Know Why There Were Nazis? I Don't Know How The Can-opener Works.

Enthusiasm Is A Good Engine, But It Needs Intelligence For A Driver.

The Last Woman I Was In Was The Statue Of Liberty.

The Great Roe Is A Mythological Beast With The Head Of A Lion And The Body Of A Lion, Though Not The Same Lion.

I Was Thrown Out Of College For Cheating On The Metaphysics Exam; I Looked Into The Soul Of The Boy Sitting Next To Me.

That’s One Of The Nice Things About Writing, Or Any Art; If The Thing’s Real, It Just Lives. All The Attendant Hoopla About It, The Success Over It Or The Critical Rejection—none Of That Really Matters. In The End, The Thing Will Survive Or Not On Its Own Merits. Not That Immortality Via Art Is Any Big Deal. Truffaut Died, And We All Felt Awful About It, And There Were The Appropriate Eulogies, And His Wonderful Films Live On. But It’s Not Much Help To Truffaut.

Man Was Made In God`s Image. Do You Really Think God Has Red Hair And Glasses?

I Am Plagued By Doubts.

I Think It's My Job Or The Artist's Job, To Try And Find Some Solution Or Some Reason To Accept Things. But Given The Grimmest Reality, I Feel The Grimmest Facts Are The Real Facts, The True Facts: That You're Born, You Die, You Suffer, It's To No Purpose, And You're Gone Forever, Ever, Ever, And That's It.

If Man Were Immortal, Do You Realize What His Meat Bills Would Be?

Some People Are Funny, And Some People Are Not Funny. Many People Who Are Not Funny Can Make A Living At It. You Don't Have To Be Great To Make A Living At It. Just Like A Doctor Who Doesn't Have To Be Great Can Still Make A Living Out Of It.

I Had A Mad Impulse To Throw You Down On The Lunar Surface And Commit Interstellar Perversion With You.

This Stuff Tastes Awful; I Could Have Made A Fortune Selling It In My Health-food Store.

I'm Really Impotent Against The Overwhelming Bleakness Of The Universe And The Only Thing I Can Do Is My Little Gift [filmmaking] And Do It The Best I Can, [...] Which Is Cold Comfort.

If I Could Only See One Miracle, Just One Miracle. Like A Burning Bush, Or The Seas Part, Or My Uncle Sasha Pick Up A Check.

Eternal Nothingness Is Fine If You Happen To Be Dressed For It.

I Enjoy The Making Of The Film And It's Something For Me To Do. If Nobody Ever Comes To My Films, If People Don't Want To Give Me Money To Make Films, That Will Stop Me. But As Long As People Come All Over The World And I Have An Audience And I Have Ideas For Films, I Will Do Them For As Long As I Enjoy The Process. And I Like The Whole Process Of Making A Film.

Paranoia Is Knowing All The Facts.

I'm In Show Business. I'm Not Like A Poor Factory Worker Who'd Been Laid Off.

Factory Workers

I Have A Great Admiration For English Actors And Actresses And Have Used Them At Every Opportunity Over The Years, But Now I Won't Have To Import Them To New York.

There's No Rhyme Or Reason To Anything That I Do. It's Whatever Seems Right At The Time.

I Am An Only Child. I Have One Sister.

Reality May Not Be The Best Of All Possible Worlds, But It's Still The Only Place Where You Can Get A Decent Steak.

I Don't Want To Move To A City Where The Only Cultural Advantage Is Being Able To Make A Right Turn On A Red Light.

You Make A Film And Always Hope You're Going Make "citizen Kane" Or "the Bicycle Thief." You Make The Film, And For One Reason Or Another, One Clicks And One Doesn't, But It's Out Of Your Control Completely.

I Have Bad Reflexes. I Was Once Run Over By A Car Being Pushed By Two Guys.

The Key Point About A Demonstration Is That It Must Be Seen. Hence The Term "demonstration." If A Person Demonstrates Privately In His Own Home, This Is Not Technically A Demonstration But Merely "acting Silly" Or "behaving Like An Ass.

Visually I've Always Liked The 20s 30s For Film. I Do These Because I Like The Music. I Like The Clothes. I Like The Way The Women And The Guys Look. There Are Soldiers And Sailors And Gangsters With The Machine Guns In Their Violin Cases. It's A Very Colorful Era Of New York, Full Of Great Theater And Great Nightclubs And Great Jazz.

Yes, But The Difference Is That When You're Dead And Somebody Yells, 'everybody Up, It's Morning,' It's Very Hard To Find Your Slippers.

I Ran Into Isosceles. He Had A Great Idea For A New Triangle!

The Heart Wants What It Wants. There's No Logic To These Things. You Meet Someone And You Fall In Love And That's That.

Basically My Wife Was Immature. I'd Be At Home In The Bath And She'd Come In And Sink My Boats.

Geez, I Should Stop Ruining My Life Searching For Answers I'm Never Gonna Get, And Just Enjoy It While It Lasts.

Enjoy It While It Lasts

If There Is Reincarnation, I'd Like To Come Back As Warren Beatty's Fingertips.

I Never Think I Feel Cynical In General. Cynical Is Reality With An Alternate Spelling. I Feel There's A Gigantic Amount Of Injustice And Overt Crime Every Day In The World, From Emotional Crimes To International Crimes, And It Often Carries Rewards.

What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

I've Been Escaping My Whole Life. Since I Was A Little Child, I Escaped Into The Movies On The Other Side As An Audience Member. I Escaped By Going Into The Movies And Sitting In The Movies All Day Long.

If God Is Everywhere, I Had Concluded, Then He Is In Food. Therefore, The More I Ate The Godlier I Would Become. Impelled By This New Religious Fervor, I Glutted Myself Like A Fanatic.

See, I Never Gain An Ounce, Because, You Know, My Anxiety Acts Like Aerobics.

Man Cannot Live By Bread Alone. Every Once In Awhile He Needs A Salad.

If You Can Delude Yourself By Believing That There Is Some Kind Of Santa Claus Out There Who Is Going To Bail You Out In The End, Then It Will Help You Get Through. Even If You Are Proven Wrong In The End, You Would Have Had A Better Life Than A Non-believer.

For God Sakes, This Is A Woman I Was Married To For 10 Years. We Made Love. I'd Hold Her Head Over The Toilet Bowl When She Threw Up.

There's An Old Joke - Um... Two Elderly Women Are At A Catskill Mountain Resort, And One Of 'em Says, "boy, The Food At This Place Is Really Terrible." The Other One Says, "yeah, I Know; And Such Small Portions." Well, That's Essentially How I Feel About Life - Full Of Loneliness, And Misery, And Suffering, And Unhappiness, And It's All Over Much Too Quickly.

I'm A Comedian. I Make Comic Films And There Are Certain Ideas That Occur To Me That Are Comic, With Heavy, Serious Undertones. There Are Some Ideas That Are More Frivolous To Me. The Next Idea That Could Occur To Me Could Be Comedy About Death And Famine Or Something.

You'll Live To Be A Hundred If You Give Up All The Things That Make You Want To.

Marriage? That's For Life! It's Like Cement!

I Tended To Place My Wife Under A Pedestal.

I Can't Minimize The Terror Factor. As You Get Older You Get More And More Frightened Because The Terrible Indignities Of Old Age Become Closer To You.

My Relationship With Death Remains The Same - I'm Strongly Against It.

One Filmmaker Makes Films That Are Deep, Intellectual, Profound And Confrontational. And The Other One Makes Purely Vacuous, Escapist Films. I'm Not Sure The One Who Makes Escapist Films Is Making A Poorer Contribution Than The One Who Makes The Deeper Films.

Maugham Then Offers The Greatest Advice Anyone Could Give To A Young Author: "at The End Of An Interrogation Sentence, Place A Question Mark. You'd Be Surprised How Effective It Can Be."

I Have A Hyper-active Imagination, My Mind Tends To Jump Around A Little, And I Have Some Trouble Between Fantasy And Reality.

If The World Is A Progressively Realized Community Of Interpretation, Then Either Quadruplictity Will Drink Procrastination Or, Provided That The Nothing Negates, Boredom Will Ensue Seldom More Often Than Frequently.

Procrastination

Life Is Tough And It's Tough Whether You're Famous Or Not Famous. And In The End It's Probably Better To Be Famous Because The Perks Are Better. You Get Better Seats At The Basketball Game, And You Get Better Tables And Reservations Places. If I Call A Doctor On Saturday Morning I Can Get Him. There's A Lot Of Things, Indulgences That You Don't Get, If You're Not Famous. Now I'm Not Saying It's Fair. But I Can't Say That I Don't Enjoy It.

I Carry A Bullet In My Breast Pocket. Once, A Crazy Evangelist Threw A Bible At Me, Which Would Have Gone Through My Heart If It Wasn't For The Bullet.

She Had Been Critical Of His New Torch Song, "a Side Order Of Heartache, Please," Suggesting It Could Be Used As A Good Way To Break In Their New Paper Shredder.

I'm Short Enough And Ugly Enough To Succeed On My Own.

And My Parents Finally Realize I'm Kidnapped And They Snap Into Action Immediately: They Rent Out My Room.

We Laughed Over It, And Hemingway Punched Me In The Mouth.

I Was The Captain Of The Latent Paranoid Softball Team. We Used To Play All The Neurotics On Sunday Morning. Nailbiters Against The Bedwetters, And If You've Never Seen Neurotics Play Softball, It's Really Funny. I Used To Steal Second Base, And Feel Guilty And Go Back.

I Once Stole A Pornographic Book That Was Printed In Braille. I Used To Rub The Dirty Parts.

I See The Glass Half Full...but Of Poison.

You Can't Work At A Relationship; You Can't Control It. You Have To Be Lucky And Go Through Your Life. If You Are Not Lucky You Have To Be Prepared For Some Degree Of Suffering. That's Why Most Relationships Are Very Difficult And Have Some Degree Of Pain. People Stay Together Because Of Inertia, They Don't Have The Energy. Because They Are Frightened Of Being Lonely, Or They Have Children.

If My Soul Exists Without My Body I Am Convinced All My Clothes Will Be Loose-fitting

We Are All Interested In The Future, For That Is Where You And I Are Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives.

Books And Movies

What A World. It Could Be So Wonderful If It Wasn't For Certain People.

There Is Dignity In Suffering; Nobility In Pain; But Failure Is A Salted Wound, That Burns And Burns Again!

You'll Find As You Go Through Life That Great Depth And Smoldering Sensuality Don't Always Win.

Dying Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Lying Down.

I Never Considered Myself An Artist. I Aspire To Be An Artist, But I Never Thought I Had The Depth Or Substance Or Gift To Be An Artist. I Do Think I Have Some Talent, But It Doesn't Go As Far As Being An Artist.

My Mind Can Never Know My Body, Although It Has Become Quite Friendly With My Legs.

[...] I've Come To The Conclusion That The Artist Can Not Justify Life Or Come Up With A Cogent Reason As To Why Life Is Meaningful, But The Artist Can Provide You With A Cold Glass Of Water On A Hot Day.

Everything In Life Turns Out To Be A Distraction From The Real Thing You Want To Do. There Are A Million Distractions And When I Was A Kid I Was Very Disciplined. I Knew That The Other Kids Weren't. I Was The One Able To Do The Thing, Not Because I Had More Talent, Maybe Less, But Because They Simply Weren't Applying Themselves.

When You Work From City To City Or Country To Country, You Work The Same Way; The Working Method Is The Same.

I Don't Want To Be Immortal Through My Works. I Want To Be Immortal By Not Dying.

It Has Become Harder And Harder In The United States To Make Films Unhampered By Outside Influences. I've Always Been Able To Steer Clear Of That And Keep The Business People Out Of My Hair Completely.

Life Is A Concentration Camp. You're Stuck Here And There's No Way Out And You Can Only Rage Impotently Against Your Persecutors.

I Can Levitate Birds. No One Cares.

When The Academy Called, I Panicked. I Thought They Might Want Their Oscars Back And The Pawn Shop Has Been Out Of Business For A While.

Honey, You're The One Who Stopped Sleeping With Me, Ok? It'll Be A Year Come April 20th. I Remember The Date Exactly, Because It Was Hitler's Birthday

I Was Thrown Out Of Nyu For Cheating-with The Deans Wife

The French Make Two Mistakes About Me. They Think I'm An Intellectual Because I Wear These Glasses And They Think I'm An Artist Because My Films Lose Money.

People Always Tease Me. They Say, Look At You, You Went For So Much Psychoanalysis And You're So Neurotic, You Wind Up Marrying A Girl So Much Younger Than You.

Life Is Horrible, But It Is Not Relentlessly Black From Wire To Wire. You Can Sit Down And Hear A Mozart Symphony, Or You Can Watch The Marx Brothers, And This Will Give You A Pleasant Escape For A While. And That Is About The Best That You Can Do.

I Like Writing. It Keeps My Mind Off Grim Subjects. It's Therapeutic In The Same Way A Patient In An Institution Is Given Fingerpaints.

End Production Today. Wrap Party As Usual A Little Sad. Slow Danced With Scarlett. Broke Her Toe. Not My Fault. When She Dipped Me Back, I Stepped On It. Penélope [cruz] And Javier [bardem] Anxious To Work With Me Again. Said If I Ever Come Up With Another Screenplay To Try And Find Them. Goodbye Drink With Rebecca [hall]. Sentimental Moment. Everyone In Cast And Crew Chipped In And Bought Me A Ballpoint Pen.

All Things Are Possible, Except Skiing Through A Revolving Door.

What Is It About Death That Bothers Me? Probably The Hours.

Confidence Is What You Have Before You Understand The Problem.

Sex On Twitter Can't Hurt You - Unless You Fall Off.

I'm Very Old-fashioned. I Believe That People Should Stay Married For Life, Like Pigeons And Catholics.

In California, They Don't Throw Their Garbage Away - They Make It Into Tv Shows.

My Father Worked For The Same Firm For 12 Years. They Fired Him And Replaced Him With A Tiny Gadget That Does Everything My Father Does, Only Much Better. The Depressing Thing Is My Mother Ran Out And Bought One

He Was So Depressed, He Tried To Commit Suicide By Inhaling Next To An Armenian.

If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Wish I Could Be A Great Pianist Or Something.

Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.

The Heart Wants What It Wants.

Inspirational Love

I'm Trying To Arrange My Life So I Don't Have To Be Present.

Where Did We Come From? Where Are We Going? Is There Possibility Of A Group Discount?

I Think Frank Capra Was A Much Craftier Filmmaker, A Wonderful Filmmaker. He Had Enormous Technique, And He Knew How To Manipulate The Public Quite Brilliantly.

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