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What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

-Woody Allen

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What Advice Would I

Woody Allen

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What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

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No Matter What You Do There Will Be Critics.

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Nothing Worth Knowing Can Be Understood With The Mind.

I Wonder If Socrates And Plato Took A House On Crete During The Summer.

I Work For A Company That Makes Deceptively Shallow Serving Dishes For Chinese Restaurants.

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The Talent For Being Happy Is Appreciating And Liking What You Have, Instead Of What You Don't Have.

I Keep Wondering If There Is An Afterlife, And If There Is Will They Be Able To Break A Twenty?

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A Man That Has Never Lied To A Woman Has No Respect For Her Feelings.

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Is Sex Dirty? Only When It's Being Done Right.

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I Heard That Commentary And Dissent Had Merged And Formed Dysenery.

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Basically I Am A Low-culture Person. I Prefer Watching Baseball With A Beer And Some Meatballs.

Sentence Structure Is Innate, But Whining Is Acquired.

Death Is An Acquired Trait.

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Manute Bol Is So Skinny They Save Money On Road Trips. They Just Fax Him From City To City.

If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Wish I Could Be A Great Pianist Or Something.

Once The Movie's Over, There's Not Much Point. When The Thing Is Edited, Mixed, And Color-corrected, And You've Finished It... In My Case, I Never Read Anything About It, I Never Think About It.

Usually, You Hire People That You Think Are Wonderful.

It's Funny. Maria Elena And I, We Are Meant For Each Other And Not Meant For Each Other, It's A Contradiction.

Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.

Sex And Death. Two Things That Come But Once In My Lifetime, But At Least After Death You're Not Nauseous.

I Should Have Known Something Was Wrong With My First Wife. When I Brought Her Home To Meet My Parents, They Approved Of Her.

You Rely Too Much On Brain. The Brain Is The Most Overrated Organ.

There's Nothing Wrong With You That A Little Prozac And A Polo Mallet Can't Cure.

If You Are Not Failing Now And Again, Its A Sign You Are Not Doing Anything Very Innovative

If There Is Reincarnation, I'd Like To Come Back As Warren Beatty's Fingertips.

Sex Is The Most Fun You Can Have Without Laughing.

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My Grammy Never Gave Gifts, You Know. She Was Too Busy Getting Raped By Cossacks.

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Doing Abominations Is Against The Law, Particularly If The Abominations Are Done While Wearing A Lobster Bib.

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Photons Have Mass? I Didn’t Even Know They Were Catholic.

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