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What People Who Don't Write Don't Understand Is That They Think You Make Up The Line Consciously — But You Don't. It Proceeds From Your Unconscious. So It's The Same Surprise To You When It Emerges As It Is To The Audience When The Comic Says It. I Don't Think Of The Joke And Then Say It. I Say It And Then Realize What I've Said. And I Laugh At It, Because I'm Hearing It For The First Time Myself.

-Woody Allen

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What People Who Don't

Woody Allen

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What People Who Don't Write Don't Understand Is That They Think You Make Up The Line Consciously — But You Don't. It Proceeds From Your Unconscious. So It's The Same Surprise To You When It Emerges As It Is To The Audience When The Comic Says It. I Don't Think Of The Joke And Then Say It. I Say It And Then Realize What I've Said. And I Laugh At It, Because I'm Hearing It For The First Time Myself.

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To Me, Movies Are Valuable As An Art Form And As A Wonderful Means Of Popular Entertainment. But I Think Movies Have Gone Terribly Wrong.

My Education Was Dismal. I Went To A Series Of Schools For Mentally Disturbed Teachers.

He Adored New York City. He Idolized It All Out Of Proportion... No, Make That: He - He Romanticized It All Out Of Proportion. Yes. To Him, No Matter What The Season Was, This Was Still A Town That Existed In Black And White And Pulsated To The Great Tunes Of George Gershwin.

Black And White

I Am Thankful For Laughter, Except When Milk Comes Out Of My Nose.

The Movie Is Usually, For Me, Something Organic That Grows All The Time. I Sit Home And Write It, And I'm In An Isolated, Four-walled Environment, And I Don't Know What's Going On. I Just Write It, And It's Appearing In My Head In Some Idealized Way Where Every Single Moment Works, And Every Little Thing Is Perfect, Because It's In My Head.

Paranoia Is Knowing All The Facts.

The Meaning Of Life Is That Nobody Knows The Meaning Of Life.

Meaning Of Life

I Cannot Say For Certain That God Does Not Exist; I Think The Worst Thing That Can Be Said About Him Is That He's A Bit Of An Underachiever.

As A Boy, I Was Ashamed To Wear Glasses. I Memorized The Eye Chart, And Then On The Test They Asked Essay Questions.

If Man Were Immortal, Do You Realize What His Meat Bills Would Be?

I See The Glass Half Full...but Of Poison.

I Said This To My Daughter, If You Don't Practice The Guitar, When You Get Older You Wouldn't Be Able To Play It. It's That Simple. If You Want To Play The Guitar, You Put A Half Hour In Everyday, But You Have To Do It.

Doing Abominations Is Against The Law, Particularly If The Abominations Are Done While Wearing A Lobster Bib.

There Are Two Important Things In The World, The First Is Sex. The Other Isn't All That Important.

I Wonder If Socrates And Plato Took A House On Crete During The Summer.

Who's The Bigger Idiot, The Idiot Or The Idiot Who Gets Fooled By The Idiot?

I Have No Regard For That Kind Of Ceremony. I Just Don't Think They Know What They're Doing. When You See Who Wins Those Things-or Who Doesn't Win Them-you Can See How Meaningless This Oscar Thing Is.

I Had A Terrible Education. I Attended A School For Emotionally Disturbed Teachers.

I Don't Like Theatrical Actors And Actresses. I Like People That Talk Like Real Human Beings.

Is Knowledge Knowable? If Not, How Do We Know?

I Don't Mind Dying... As Long As I Don't Have To Be There When It Happens.

If You Don't Have Fun Doing The Film, Then The Results Of The Film Will Never Give You Any Fun.

History Is The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Fitness Motivational

Temporary Insanity

In 1940 I Was Just Turning 5 Years Old And Being Taken To The Movies. For Those Of Us Who Were Not Old Enough To Understand The Horror Of War It Was A Very Romantic Era Because These Guys Were Kissing Their Wives And Girlfriends Goodbye And Going Off To Fight And Become Heroes.

Skeptic That I Was As An Adolescent, I Had Recently Come To Believe In A Supreme Being After Thumbing Through A Victoria's Secret Catalogue.

I Enjoy The Making Of The Film And It's Something For Me To Do. If Nobody Ever Comes To My Films, If People Don't Want To Give Me Money To Make Films, That Will Stop Me. But As Long As People Come All Over The World And I Have An Audience And I Have Ideas For Films, I Will Do Them For As Long As I Enjoy The Process. And I Like The Whole Process Of Making A Film.

I Loathed Every Day And Regret Every Moment I Spent In A School.

What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

Life Is Unresolved, Confusing, Bewildering, Puzzling, Ambiguous. You Don't Really Know What's Going To Happen. The Future Is Uncertain For Everybody.

I Don't Want To Live Forever Through My Work. I Want To Live Forever By Not Dying.

Figures Tell Us There Are Already More People On Earth Than We Need To Move Even The Heaviest Piano.

Error, No Keyboard. Press F1 To Continue.

It's Funny. Maria Elena And I, We Are Meant For Each Other And Not Meant For Each Other, It's A Contradiction.

A General Philosophy Of The Female Characters In My Films Is They All Want Something To Believe In, And Not Having Anything.

In Real Life, Keaton Believes In God. But She Also Believes That The Radio Works Because There Are Tiny People Inside It.

Our Love, Our Love Will Last Forever. It's Forever But It Just Doesn't Work. That's Why It Will Always Be Romantic Because It Can Not Be Complete.

The Heart Wants What It Wants. There's No Logic To These Things. You Meet Someone And You Fall In Love And That's That.

She Had Been Critical Of His New Torch Song, "a Side Order Of Heartache, Please," Suggesting It Could Be Used As A Good Way To Break In Their New Paper Shredder.

I Don't Have To 'freedom-kiss' My Wife When What I Really Want To Do Is French-kiss Her.

What Was The Scandal? I Fell In Love With This Girl, Married Her. We Have Been Married For Almost 15 Years Now.

Sun Is Bad For You. Everything Our Parents Said Was Good Is Bad. Sun, Milk, Red Meat...college.

I Was Thrown Out Of College For Cheating On The Metaphysics Exam; I Looked Into The Soul Of The Boy Sitting Next To Me.

The Important Thing, I Think, Is Not To Be Bitter. You Know, If It Turns Out That There Is A God, I Don't Think That He's Evil. I Think That The Worst Thing You Could Say About Him Is That Basically He's An Underachiever. After All, You Know, There Are Worse Things In Life Than Death.

Sex Alleviates Tension. Love Causes It.

I Work All The Time Because It's A Great Distraction And It Keeps Me From Sitting Home And Obsessing Morbidly.

The True Test Of Maturity Is Not How Old A Person Is But How He Reacts To Awakening In The Mid-town Area In His Shorts.

The Chief Problem About Death, Incidentally, Is The Fear That There May Be No Afterlife - A Depressing Thought, Particularly For Those Who Bothered To Shave. Also, There Is The Fear That There Is An Afterlife But No One Will Know Where It's Being Held. On The Plus Side, Death Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Laying Down.

No, I Don't Think You're Paranoid. I Think You're The Opposite Of Paranoid. I Think You Walk Around With The Insane Delusion That People Like You.

I Think I've Gotten Technically Better Over The Years But You'd Have To Be A Fool Not To. I've Made So Many Movies That By Sheer Quantity You Get Better At The Technique.

I Prefer The Magic To Reality, And Have Since I Was 5 Years Old. Hopefully, I Can Continue To Make Films And Constantly Escape Into Them.

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get You.

When The Academy Called, I Panicked. I Thought They Might Want Their Oscars Back And The Pawn Shop Has Been Out Of Business For A While.

I Took A Speed-reading Course And Read War And Peace In Twenty Minutes. It Involves Russia.

If You Can Delude Yourself By Believing That There Is Some Kind Of Santa Claus Out There Who Is Going To Bail You Out In The End, Then It Will Help You Get Through. Even If You Are Proven Wrong In The End, You Would Have Had A Better Life Than A Non-believer.

Why Ruin A Good Story With The Truth?

I Hope You're Getting This Down.

The Whole Country Was Tied Together By Radio. We All Experienced The Same Heroes And Comedians And Singers. They Were Giants.

I'm Short Enough And Ugly Enough To Succeed On My Own.

Don't Knock Masturbation. It's Sex With Someone I Love.

. . . They Confuse Everything I Do With My Life.

I Learned A Few Things On My Own Since, And Modified Some Of The Things He Taught Me, But Everything, Unequivocally, That I Learned About Comedy Writing I Learned From Danny Simon.

You Can't Anticipate In The Room The Riches Of What You Encounter When You're Location Hunting For A Movie.

I Have A Limitless Amount Of Great Music At My Disposal And It's Very, Very Pleasurable Because When The Music Goes On The Film It's Amazing How Much It Livens Up The Film And Gives It An Emotional Kick In The Pants, Sort Of.

Gauguin Flew Into A Frenzy! He Held My Head Under The X-ray Machine For Ten Straight Minutes And For Several Hours After I Could Not Blink My Eyes In Unison." — "if The Impressionists Had Been Dentists

My Analyst Warned Me, But You Were So Beautiful I Got Another Analyst.

The Last Woman I Was In Was The Statue Of Liberty.

Money Is Not Everything, But It Is Better Than Having One's Health.

Until You've Been Kissed On A Rainy Parisian Afternoon - You've Never Been Kissed.

Never Been Kissed

I Don't Rely On Anybody Except My Own Judgment. I Don't Get Much Input. I Don't Know If That's Helped Me Or If I Would Be Better Off If I Did Rely On Someone.

The Key Point About A Demonstration Is That It Must Be Seen. Hence The Term "demonstration." If A Person Demonstrates Privately In His Own Home, This Is Not Technically A Demonstration But Merely "acting Silly" Or "behaving Like An Ass.

I Keep Wondering If There Is An Afterlife, And If There Is Will They Be Able To Break A Twenty?

The Roe Is Reputed To Sleep For A Thousand Years And Then Suddenly Rise In Flames, Particularly If It Was Smoking When It Dozed Off.

If The World Is A Progressively Realized Community Of Interpretation, Then Either Quadruplictity Will Drink Procrastination Or, Provided That The Nothing Negates, Boredom Will Ensue Seldom More Often Than Frequently.

Procrastination

Psychoanalyses Is Like Music Lessons, For 5 Years You Do Not Notice Any Progress And Suddenly You Can Play The Piano.

There's Nothing Wrong With You That A Little Prozac And A Polo Mallet Can't Cure.

Is There A Separation Between Body And Mind, And If So Which Is It Better To Have?

You Mellow Too Much You Ripen And Rot.

In Certain Areas I Don't Function Well And In Other Areas I Function Very Well. I'm Very Good Professionally. I Have Good Discipline, I'm Able To Write Every Day And Do Films And Not Go Six Times Over The Budget. I Mean I'm A Coherent Person, But I Also Don't Like To Go Through Tunnels When I Travel. I'm Claustrophobic.

The Dictatorship Is Shut Up, Democracy Is Always Concerned.

I've Been Lucky Because My Films Have Consistently Made A Profit, Almost All Of Them Have Made A Profit. Never A Huge Profit, But Nobody Gets Hurt. And Therefore I Get A Lot Of Freedom.

[an Audience Conditioned By A Lifetime Of Television-watching Is So Corrupted That] Their Standards Have Been Systematically Lowered Over The Years. These Guys Sit In Front Of Their Sets And The Gamma Rays Eat The White Cells Of Their Brains Out!

Television Watching

Child Molestation Is A Touchy Subject... Read The Papers! Half The Country's Doing It!

I Think Crime Pays. The Hours Are Good, You Travel A Lot

Men Would Make Love With Any Number Of Women ... Even Total Strangers, While Females Were Selective. They Were Catering To The Demands Of One Small Egg. While Males Had Millions Of Frantic Sperms Screaming: "let Us Out, Let Us Out!".

I Was In Analysis For Years Because Of A Traumatic Childhood; I Was Breast-fed Through Falsies.

Rather Than Live On In The Hearts And Minds Of My Fellow Man, I Would Rather Live On In My Apartment.

Some Women Feel Power Is Important, Some Women Feel That Looks Are Important, Tenderness, Intelligence...but Sense Of Humor Seems To Permeate All Of Them.

I Have One Last Request. Don't Use Embalming Fluid On Me; I Want To Be Stuffed With Crab Meat.

I Like Filming In New York A Lot Myself, But London Is Accommodating To Me; The Weather's Very Good There And The Conditions For Shooting And The Financial Conditions, The Artistic Conditions Are Good, So It's A Pleasant Place To Shoot.

In My House I'm The Boss, My Wife Is Just The Decision Maker.

There's No Rhyme Or Reason To Anything That I Do. It's Whatever Seems Right At The Time.

Why Does Man Kill? He Kills For Food. And Not Only Food: Frequently There Must Be A Beverage.

All Things Are Possible, Except Skiing Through A Revolving Door.

I'm At The Stage Of Life When If A Girl Says No To Me I'm Profoundly Grateful To Her.

Let's Say There Was A Burning Building And You Could Rush In And You Could Save Only One Thing: Either The Last Known Copy Of Shakespeare's Plays Or Some Anonymous Human Being. What Would You Do?

This Sounds So Bleak When I Say It, But We Need Some Delusions To Keep Us Going. And The People Who Successfully Delude Themselves Seem Happier Than The People Who Can't.

When A Doctor Makes A Mistake, It's Best To Bury The Subject.

There Are Drawbacks In Being Famous Too, But You Can Live With Those. They're Not Life-threatening. If The Paparazzi Are Outside Your Restaurant Or Your House - And Actors Make Such A Big Thing Of It And Scurry Into Cars And Drape Things - You Think They're Going To Be Crucified Or Something. It's Not A Big Deal. You Can Get Used To That. It's Not So Terrible.

When You Start Putting A Higher Value On Works Of Art Than People, You’re Forfeiting Your Humanity.

The Whole Thrust Of Science And The Medical Profession Is To Try And Prevent It From Happening, To Try To Prolong Life, To Keep You From Dying, To Keep You From Getting Older, To Rejuvenate You. I Mean, That's Everybody's Wish. The Fountain Of Youth Is Everybody's Sought-after Thing.

If 90% Of Success In Life Is Showing Up, The Other 10% Depends On What You're Showing Up For.

Between The Pope And Air Conditioning, I'd Choose Air Conditioning.

I Heard That Commentary And Dissent Had Merged And Formed Dysenery.

If You're Born With A Gift, To Behave Like It's An Achievement Is Not Right.

Where Did We Come From? Where Are We Going? Is There Possibility Of A Group Discount?

When I Was Born My Mother Was Terribly Disappointed. Not That She Wanted A Girl - She Wanted A Divorce.

Men Learn To Love The Woman They Are Attracted To. Women Learn To Become Attracted To The Man They Fall In Love With.

Falling In Love

When You Work From City To City Or Country To Country, You Work The Same Way; The Working Method Is The Same.

How Is It Possible To Find Meaning In A Finite World, Given My Waist And Shirt Size?

For Some Reason It Gives People Pleasure To Equate The Life Of Certain Movie Actors Or Actresses With Their Actual Lives.

I Work For A Company That Makes Deceptively Shallow Serving Dishes For Chinese Restaurants.

Some Guy Hit My Fender, And I Told Him, 'be Fruitful And Multiply,' But Not In Those Words.

Show Business Is Dog Eat Dog. It's Worse Than Dog Eat Dog. It's Dog Doesn't Return Dog's Phone Calls.

I Always Feel, I Guess Being A Product Of The Movies Of The 40s Where Movies Were The Greatest Things And Screens Were Big And Palaces Were Palaces And Stars Were Larger Than Life That Reality Was So Much Inferior To What We Felt Was Conceivably Possible From What We Had Seen In The Movies.

Larger Than Life

The Last Time I Was Inside A Woman Was When I Went To The Statue Of Liberty.

I Sued American Apparel Because They Calculatingly Took My Name, My Likeness And Image And Used Them Publicly To Promote Their Business.

I Can't Imagine Any Director Directing A Screenplay Of Mine, Because The Great Directors All Have Very Personal Styles, And The Ones That Don't Are Not Very Interesting Directors.

As An Artist, You Are Always Striving Toward An Ultimate Achievement But Never Seem To Reach It. You Shoot A Film, And The Result Could Have Always Been Better. You Try Again, And Fail Once More. In Some Ways I Find It Enjoyable. You Never Lose Sight Of Your Goal. I Don’t Do My Job To Make Money Or To Break Box Office Records, I Simply Try Things Out. What Would Happen If I Were To Achieve Perfection At Some Point? What Would I Do Then?

Man Was Made In God`s Image. Do You Really Think God Has Red Hair And Glasses?

And Nietzche, With His Theory Of Eternal Recurrence. He Said That The Life We Lived We're Going To Live Over Again The Exact Same Way For Eternity. Great. That Means I'll Have To Sit Through The Ice Capades Again.

I Failed To Make The Chess Team Because Of My Height.

Jazz Is A Big Thing With Me. It's A Very Big Passion Of Mine, To Play It. I'm An Amateur Musician And I Love Everything About It. I Was Obsessed With Jazz When I Was 15 Years Old And I Know A Lot About It Because I've Loved It So Much.

Can You Believe That? She Says I'm Not Leader Enough For Her. Who Was She Looking For... Hitler?

If My Films Make One More Person Miserable, I'll Feel I Have Done My Job.

Cynicism Is Reality With An Alternate Spelling.

The Best Things In Life Are Censored.

Best Things In Life

To You I'm An Atheist; To God, I'm The Loyal Opposition.

If God Exists, I Hope He Has A Good Excuse.

All I Have In My Life Is My Imagination

I Love The Rain - It Washes Memories Off The Sidewalk Of Life.

Then Job Fell To His Knees And Cried To The Lord, "thine Is The Kingdom And The Power And Glory. Thou Hast A Good Job. Don't Blow It."

I Don't Own A Computer. I've Never Seen Anything Online At All - Nothing. I Don't Own A Word Processor. I Have None Of That Stuff. It's Not An Act Of Rebellion. I'm Just Not A Gadget Person.

My Grandfather Had A Wonderful Funeral... On The Buffet Table There Was A Replica Of The Deceased In Potato Salad.

That (sex) Was The Most Fun I Ever Had Without Laughing.

All The Crap They Tell You About... Getting Joy And Having A Kind Of Wisdom In Your Golden Years - It's All Tripe.

Some People Are Funny, And Some People Are Not Funny. Many People Who Are Not Funny Can Make A Living At It. You Don't Have To Be Great To Make A Living At It. Just Like A Doctor Who Doesn't Have To Be Great Can Still Make A Living Out Of It.

It Is Impossible To Travel Faster Than Light, And Certainly Not Desirable, As One’s Hat Keeps Blowing Off.

Everything In Life Turns Out To Be A Distraction From The Real Thing You Want To Do. There Are A Million Distractions And When I Was A Kid I Was Very Disciplined. I Knew That The Other Kids Weren't. I Was The One Able To Do The Thing, Not Because I Had More Talent, Maybe Less, But Because They Simply Weren't Applying Themselves.

In The Event Of War, I'm A Hostage.

There's An Old Joke - Um... Two Elderly Women Are At A Catskill Mountain Resort, And One Of 'em Says, "boy, The Food At This Place Is Really Terrible." The Other One Says, "yeah, I Know; And Such Small Portions." Well, That's Essentially How I Feel About Life - Full Of Loneliness, And Misery, And Suffering, And Unhappiness, And It's All Over Much Too Quickly.

I Wish My Parents Had Raised Me In Manhattan Because I Think It's The Greatest Thing You Can Do For A Kid Is To Raise Them In New York City. I Can See This With My Own Children.

What Is It About Death That Bothers Me? Probably The Hours.

There's No Point In Looking Back, Because There's Nothing You Can Really Do To Improve The Film. You Can Only Aggravate And Wish You Had Done Stuff Better.

I've Never Felt Truth Was Beauty. Never. I've Always Felt That People Can't Take Too Much Reality. I Like Being In Ingmar Bergman's World. Or In Louis Armstrong's World. Or In The World Of The New York Knicks. Because It's Not This World. You Spend Your Whole Life Searching For A Way Out. You Just Get An Overdose Of Reality, You Know, And It's A Terrible Thing. I'm Always Fighting Against Reality.

Life Is Short. Short, And Not About Anything Except What You Can Touch And What Touches You.

I Like Writing. It Keeps My Mind Off Grim Subjects. It's Therapeutic In The Same Way A Patient In An Institution Is Given Fingerpaints.

I'd Always Wanted To Be A Dramatic. Comedy Comes More Naturally To Me. I Can Do It With More Facility. So I Feel More Comfortable With It.

I Don't Know What I'm Doing, But My Incompetence Has Never Stopped My Enthusiasm.

It Figures You've Got To Hate Yourself If You've Got Any Integrity At All.

I Think There Is Too Much Wrong With The World To Ever Get Too Relaxed And Happy. The More Natural State, And The Better One, I Think, Is One Of Some Anxiety And Tension Over Man's Plight In This Mysterious Universe.

Mysterious Universe

Life Is A Tragedy Filled With Suffering And Despair And Yet Some People Do Manage To Avoid Jury Duty.

This Stuff Tastes Awful; I Could Have Made A Fortune Selling It In My Health-food Store.

I Don't Know What I Want, But I Know What I Don't Want

I Feel About New York As A Child Whose Father Is A Bank Robber. Not Perfect, But I Still Love Him.

Whosoever Loveth Wisdom Is Righteous, But He That Keepeth Company With Fowl Is Weird.

We Are All Interested In The Future, For That Is Where You And I Are Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives.

Books And Movies

My Heart Says One Thing. My Head Says Another. Very Hard To Get Your Heart And Head Together In Life.

I'm Giving [my Analyst] One More Year--then I'm Going To Lourdes.

I Did Not Marry The First Girl That I Fell In Love With, Because There Was A Tremendous Religious Conflict, At The Time. She Was An Atheist, And I Was An Agnostic.

Money Is Better Than Poverty, If Only For Financial Reasons.

Sentence Structure Is Innate, But Whining Is Acquired.

I Think Frank Capra Was A Much Craftier Filmmaker, A Wonderful Filmmaker. He Had Enormous Technique, And He Knew How To Manipulate The Public Quite Brilliantly.

A Man That Has Never Lied To A Woman Has No Respect For Her Feelings.

Time Is Nature's Way Of Keeping Everything From Happening At Once.

You Can Be Distracted By Your Love Life, By The Baseball Game, Movies, By The Nonsense. "can I Get My Kid Into This Private School? Can I Get This Girl To Go Out With Me Saturday Night? Am I Going To Get The Promotion In My Office?" All This Stuff, But In The End The Universe Burns Out. So I Think It's Completely Meaningless.

Life Is A Concentration Camp. You're Stuck Here And There's No Way Out And You Can Only Rage Impotently Against Your Persecutors.

I Came Home One Night, Some Month Ago, And I Went To The Closet In My Bedroom...and A Moth Ate My Sports Jacket. He Was Laying On The Floor, Nauseous, Y'know.

Basically I Am A Low-culture Person. I Prefer Watching Baseball With A Beer And Some Meatballs.

It's Hard For Me To Know. I'll Think, 'i Really Brought Off My Ideas, It's Great,' And No One Sparks To It

My Luck Is Getting Worse And Worse. Last Night, For Instance, I Was Mugged By A Quaker.

Of All Human Weakness Obsession Is The Most Dangerous. And The Silliest.

You're A Genius! And The Proof Is That Both Common People And Intellectuals Find Your Work Completely Incoherent.

I Don't Think My Film Style Has Changed. I'm Doing The Same Kind Of Jokes I Did When I Was Younger.

Inertia Accounts For Two-thirds Of Marriages. But Love Accounts For The Other Third.

Your Still Searching For Me In Every Woman. You'll Always Seek To Duplicate What We Had. You Know It.

I Always Write The Same Way. I Always Write With A Yellow Pad And A Ballpoint Pen On My Bed. And Then I Go And Type It Up Afterwards. I've Always Done That. Those Things Become Habitual.

One Of The Wonderful Things About Making A Film Of Any Genre Is That You Have Dialogue. You Can Take Up A Position. If You Want To Say Something About Your Position, You Can Just Say It. You Don't Have To Spend Massive Amounts Of Screen Time.

With Films, I Just Scribble A Couple Of Notes For A Scene. You Don't Have To Do Any Writing At All, You Just Have Your Notes For The Scene, Which Are Written With The Actors And The Camera In Mind. The Actual Script Is A Necessity For Casting And Budgeting, But The End Product Often Doesn't Bear Much Resemblance To The Script--at Least In My Case.

There Will Be No Major Solution To The Suffering Of Humanity Until We Reach Some Understanding Of Who We Are, What The Purpose Of Creation Was, What Happens After Death. Until Those Questions Are Resolved We Are Caught.

Just Don't Take Any Class Where You Have To Read Beowulf.

Ads Answered Out Of Desperation In The New York Review Of Books Proved Equally Futile As…the 'bay Area Bisexual' Told Me I Didn't Quite Coincide With Either Of Her Desires.

When You Are Dead, It Is Hard To Find The Light Switch.

I Think You Should Defend To The Death Their Right To March, And Then Go Down And Meet Them With Baseball Bats. (on The Kkk)

As I Got More Confident, I Was Able To Let Actors Improvise, And Do Long Takes. It's 10%, 5% You Learn And Experience. The Rest You Just Have Or You Don't Have.

If I Had My Choice In Life I Would Have Had The Gifts Of Tennessee Williams Or Eugene O'neill. Unfortunately My Gifts Lie In Comedy And So Comedy Comes Fairly Easy To Me And I Occasionally Have An Idea For A Very Serious Piece And I Do It, But The Ideas Don't Come That Readily To Me.

Achilles Only Had An Achilles Heel, I Have An Entire Achilles Body.

I Just Can't Listen To Any More Wagner, You Know...i'm Starting To Get The Urge To Conquer Poland.

I Write About What I Want To Write About, And So The Film Comes Out As A Very Personal Expression Even If Its Subject Matter Is Totally Prefabricated.

I Don't Think My Parents Liked Me. They Put A Live Teddy Bear In My Crib.

My Brain? It's My Second Favorite Organ!

I Feel That Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable. That's The Two Categories. The Horrible Are Like, I Don't Know, Terminal Cases, You Know, And Blind People, Crippled. I Don't Know How They Get Through Life. It's Amazing To Me. And The Miserable Is Everyone Else. So You Should Be Thankful That You're Miserable, Because That's Very Lucky, To Be Miserable.

Have You Ever Taken A Serious Political Stand On Anything? Yeah. Sure. For Twenty-four Hours Once I Refused To Eat Grapes.

I Don't Like To Reminisce Much, And My Walls Don't Have Photographs Of Me And The Actors I Was With, Or Any Of That Stuff... I Try And Keep That Disciplined, And Just Work. There Are So Many Traps You Can Get Into, And Looking Back On Your Own Work Is Certainly One Of Them.

No One Ever Wants The Whole Script. I Give The Whole Script To People Who Require The Whole Script But To Those People Who Don't Require The Whole Script I Don't Give It To Them And No One Cares. They're Relieved Not To Have To Read Extra Pages That They're Not In.

Isn't All Mankind Ultimately Executed For A Crime It Never Committed?

Capital Punishment

There's No Way To Prove That There Is No God. You Just Have To Take It On Faith.

There Is No God

Me And Nature Are Two.

And In All Of Babylonia There Was Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth, 'til The Prophets Bade The Multitudes Get A Grip On Themselves And Shape Up.

Harvard Makes Mistakes Too, You Know. Kissinger Taught There.

There Is Always The Possibility That People Will Change. Real Change Is More Rare. You Are Who You Are At A Certain Age In Life You Are Pretty Much A Variation Of That Your Whole Life. It's Conceivable That You Will Change But It's Not Likely.

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