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I Can't With Any Conscience Argue For New York With Anyone. It's Like Calcutta. But I Love The City In An Emotional, Irrational Way, Like Loving Your Mother Or Your Father Even Though They're A Drunk Or A Thief. I've Loved The City My Whole Life - To Me, It's Like A Great Woman.

-Woody Allen

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I Can't With Any

Woody Allen

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I Can't With Any Conscience Argue For New York With Anyone. It's Like Calcutta. But I Love The City In An Emotional, Irrational Way, Like Loving Your Mother Or Your Father Even Though They're A Drunk Or A Thief. I've Loved The City My Whole Life - To Me, It's Like A Great Woman.

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One Filmmaker Makes Films That Are Deep, Intellectual, Profound And Confrontational. And The Other One Makes Purely Vacuous, Escapist Films. I'm Not Sure The One Who Makes Escapist Films Is Making A Poorer Contribution Than The One Who Makes The Deeper Films.

I See The Glass Half Full...but Of Poison.

I'll Work By Myself For Years And Then I'll Think It'll Be Fun To Et One Of My Friends Like Marshall Brickman Or Doug Mcgrath Into A Room And Not Be Alone For The Writing Of The Thing; To Have The Pleasure Of Taking Walks And Get Lunch Together; Its Sort Of A Fun Process And Then I Do It And Then I Get Back On My Own For A While Until I Feel The Need To Do It Again.

There's Something About My Films; They're Informed By My Sensibility. I Have The Same Preoccupations, The Same Interests... There's Just Something In The Nuance, And So You Always Know It's A Film Of Mine Whether I Sign My Name To It Or Not.

We Are All Interested In The Future, For That Is Where You And I Are Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives.

Books And Movies

There's A Tacit Agreement Between Myself And The Audience That I Will Entertain Them When They Buy Their Ticket, And I've Been The One That Has Screwed That Up. Once In While I Indulge Myself And Try Something Else, And I Keep My Fingers Crossed That It Will Come Out Good And There'll Be Enough People Who Will Enjoy It, But That Doesn't Often Happen.

I Have A Hyper-active Imagination, My Mind Tends To Jump Around A Little, And I Have Some Trouble Between Fantasy And Reality.

When I Asked My Mother Where Babies Came From, She Thought I Said Rabies. She Said You Get Them From Being Bitten By A Dog. The Next Week, A Woman On My Block Gave Birth To Triplets... I Thought She'd Been Bitten By A Great Dane.

My Relationship With American Audiences Is The Exact Same As It Always Has Been. They Never Came To See My Films, And They Don't Come Now.

The Heart Wants What It Wants.

Inspirational Love

My Relationship With Death Remains The Same - I'm Strongly Against It.

"boy, The Food At This Place Is Really Terrible." The Other One Says, "yeah, I Know; And Such Small Portions." Well, That's Essentially How I Feel About Life - Full Of Loneliness, And Misery, And Suffering, And Unhappiness, And It's All Over Much Too Quickly.

It's Funny. Maria Elena And I, We Are Meant For Each Other And Not Meant For Each Other, It's A Contradiction.

I Took A Puff Of The Wrong Cigarette At A Fraternity Dance Once, And The Cops Had To Get Me, Y'know. I Broke Two Teeth Trying To Give A Hickie To The Statue Of Liberty.

I Have Great Faith In The Actors. When They Improvise, It Always Sounds Better Than The Stuff I Write In My Bedroom. When They Improvise, They Make It Sound Alive.

[the Universe Is] Haphazard, Morally Neutral, And Unimaginably Violent.

I'm Such A Good Lover Because I Practice A Lot On My Own.

I Never Have An Alter Ego In The Movies. That's A Fiction That The Press Has Made Up Over The Years, And It's Fun To Write That. It Gives Them Something To Write.

Magic Has Always Been Of A Great Interest Of Mine. I Was An Amateur Magician When I Was Young. I Used To Practice And Read Up On It A Lot. I'm Well-aware Of The History Of Magic.

But What If Everyone In The World Behaved Like Me And Came Here And Shot Brisseau Through The Ear? What A Mess! And Of Course We'd Need Valet Parking.

Time Is Nature's Way Of Keeping Everything From Happening At Once.

My Father Owned A Small Piece Of Land. He Carried It With Him Wherever He Went.

Men Would Make Love With Any Number Of Women ... Even Total Strangers, While Females Were Selective. They Were Catering To The Demands Of One Small Egg. While Males Had Millions Of Frantic Sperms Screaming: "let Us Out, Let Us Out!".

The Prettiest Women Are Almost Always The Most Boring, And That Is Why Some People Feel There Is No God.

There Is No God

Show Business Is Dog Eat Dog. It's Worse Than Dog Eat Dog. It's Dog Doesn't Return Dog's Phone Calls.

Talent Is Luck. The Important Thing In Life Is Courage.

Life Is Full Of Misery, Loneliness, And Suffering - And It's All Over Much Too Soon.

There Are Three Things Jewish People Worship-god, Chinese Food And Wall-to-wall Carpeting.

I Wonder If Socrates And Plato Took A House On Crete During The Summer.

In My Next Life I Want To Live Backwards. Start Out Dead And Finish Off As An Orgasm.

Basically I Am A Low-culture Person. I Prefer Watching Baseball With A Beer And Some Meatballs.

I Have One Last Request. Don't Use Embalming Fluid On Me; I Want To Be Stuffed With Crab Meat.

I Never Start Editing A Film Until It's Completely Shot; I Don't Edit Along The Way, Ever. When It's Finished I Come In Here [screening Room] And We Start With Reel One, Scene One And Start Editing Shot By Shot By Shot Until We're Finished.

I Once Stole A Pornographic Book That Was Printed In Braille. I Used To Rub The Dirty Parts.

Can You Believe That? She Says I'm Not Leader Enough For Her. Who Was She Looking For... Hitler?

Some Of The Best Memories Of My Childhood That I Have Are The Times That I Played Hooky From School So I Could Spend My Days In The Public Library Reading All The Wonderful Books At My Disposal.

Not Think Of Death As An End, But Think Of It More As A Very Effective Way Of Cutting Down On Your Expenses.

I Could Turn On My Radio In The Morning When I Was Getting Dressed For School And Hear Frank Sinatra And Duke Ellington And Benny Goodman And Think This Is The Music. Now That Music Is Art. Ellington Is Art. At That Time It Was Just What You Heard On The Radio. Cole Porter Was Just A Guy Who Wrote Pretty Songs And Billie Holliday Would Sing Them.

Why Are Our Days Numbered And Not, Say, Lettered?

You Make Films Whether They're Dramas Or Comedies About Neurotic People. Flawed People. Interesting Personality Traits. To Make Them About Calm, Stable Untroubled People Isn't Interesting.

Sex Without Love Is An Empty Experience, But As Empty Experiences Go, It's One Of The Best.

I'd Like To Make A Great Movie. I've Made Many Movies. I Think I've Made Some Good Movies, But I Never Felt I've Made A Great Movie.

Early In Life, I Was Visited By The Bluebird Of Anxiety

When You Make The Film, There's A Big Difference Between When You're In Your Own Home At The Typewriter, And When You're Standing On A Mountain, Or On A Street Corner, And Buses Are Coming By-it's A Different Reality. You Make A Million Changes That Were Never In The Script, But That Reality Dictates.

I Asked The Girl If She Could Bring A Sister For Me. She Did. Sister Maria Teresa. It Was A Very Slow Evening. We Discussed The New Testament. We Agreed That He Was Very Well Adjusted For An Only Child.

As The Poet Said, 'only God Can Make A Tree,' Probably Because It's So Hard To Figure Out How To Get The Bark On.

When A Film Is Reviled, You Open A Film And People Say "oh, It's The Stupidest Thing, It's The Worst Movie." You Think: Oh, Nobody's Going To Ever Speak To You Again. But, It Doesn't Happen. Nobody Cares. You Know, They Read It And They Say "oh, They Hated Your Film." You Care, At The Time. But They Don't. Nobody Else Cares.

Well, Trouble's My Middle Name. Actually, My Middle Name Is Marion, But I Don't Want You Spreading That Around.

My Ex-wife Was A Philosophy Major At Nyu. Yeah, She And I Used To Have Deep Philosophical Discussions Where She Would Prove That I Didn't Exist.

I've Had Bad Luck In My Two Previous Marriages. The First Wife Left Me, And The Second Did Not.

As A Boy, I Was Ashamed To Wear Glasses. I Memorized The Eye Chart, And Then On The Test They Asked Essay Questions.

I'm Awash In Self-contempt!

The Lion And The Calf Shall Lie Down Together But The Calf Won't Get Much Sleep.

I Recently Turned 60. Practically A Third Of My Life Is Over.

I Don't Believe In Competition For Artistic Things. I Just Like The Atmosphere Of The Cannes Festival. I Don't Want To Win Anything Or Lose Anything.

I Did Not Marry The First Girl That I Fell In Love With, Because There Was A Tremendous Religious Conflict, At The Time. She Was An Atheist, And I Was An Agnostic.

I'm Really Impotent Against The Overwhelming Bleakness Of The Universe And The Only Thing I Can Do Is My Little Gift [filmmaking] And Do It The Best I Can, [...] Which Is Cold Comfort.

Sex And Death. Two Things That Come But Once In My Lifetime, But At Least After Death You're Not Nauseous.

I Don't Know Enough To Be Incompetent.

I Consider Myself A Completely Lucky Filmmaker. I've Had Nothing But Good Luck. Everything I've Needed Has Come My Way.

He's A Genius, She's A Genius, Wow, You Know Alot Of Geniuses, You Should Meet Some Stupid People Sometime, You Might Learn Something

I Heard That Commentary And Dissent Had Merged And Formed Dysenery.

Error, No Keyboard. Press F1 To Continue.

I Wish I Was Writing Something Much More Heavy Each Time I Did A Film, And That The Comedies Just Occasionally Come Out. But Unfortunately You're Stuck With What You're Born With.

Over The Years I've Never Written Or Made Movies About Political Themes 'cause While They Do Have Current Critical Importance, In The Large, Large Scheme Of Things, Only The Big Questions Matter And The Answers To Those Big Questions Are Very, Very Depressing.

Love Is Too Weak A Word For What I Feel - I Luuurve You, You Know, I Loave You, I Luff You, Two F's, Yes.

When You Work From City To City Or Country To Country, You Work The Same Way; The Working Method Is The Same.

I Was A Smart Kid And I Was Not Understood By My Parents.

I've Always Liked, Someday The Lamb Will Lay By The Lion.... But It Won't Get Much Sleep.

I'm Generally Not A Social Dramatist Or Comedy Writer. My Interests Have Always Been More In Psychological Stories Or Personal Relations And Comic Ideas.

Taste My Tuna Casserole - Tell Me If I Put In Too Much Hot Fudge.

When One Chooses To Be A Writer, Psychologically There's A Reason For That Because You Like The Isolation And You Like To Be By Yourself And You Are By Nature Timid.

The Curtain Rises On A Vast Primitive Wasteland, Not Unlike Certain Parts Of New Jersey.

Right Now It's Only A Notion, But I Think I Can Get The Money To Make It Into A Concept, And Later Turn It Into An Idea.

I Cannot Say For Certain That God Does Not Exist; I Think The Worst Thing That Can Be Said About Him Is That He's A Bit Of An Underachiever.

The Only Thing Standing Between Me And Greatness Is Me.

Where Did We Come From? Where Are We Going? Is There Possibility Of A Group Discount?

When I Was Born My Mother Was Terribly Disappointed. Not That She Wanted A Girl - She Wanted A Divorce.

Relationships Are Really What Interest Me The Most. And I Think, In The End, They Interest Most People The Most. Even When You Read Tolstoy Or Something, Basically They're About Man And Woman Relationships.

We Live In Far Too Permissive A Society. Never Before Has Pornography Been This Rampant. And Those Films Are So Badly Lit!

I Have Bad Reflexes. I Was Once Run Over By A Car Being Pushed By Two Guys.

I've Always Believed That Thoughtful People Don't Really Take The Tabloids Seriously. They're Basically A Form Of Entertainment. I Enjoy Them As Much As The Next New Yorker.

If I Was To See Any Of My Films Now I Would Feel, Oh God You Know It's Awful I Could Do That So Much Better Now. Look At All The Terrible Things I Did And All The Mistakes And All The Compromises And All The Blunders I Made, And It Would Be Such A Terrible Experience For Me To See Them. So It's Better That I Put It Out And Move On To The Next Thing And Make It History As Quickly As Possible.

90 Per Cent Of Success Is Turning Up.

I Am Two With Nature.

Notes For A Ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund Hears The Flutter Of Wings, And A Group Of Wild Swans Flies Across The Moon ... Sigmund Is Astounded To See That Their Leader Is Part Swan And Part Woman - Unfortunately, Divided Lengthwise. She Enchants Sigmund, Who Is Careful Not To Make Any Poultry Jokes.

Chastity Is Curable, If Detected Early.

Everybody Knows How Awful The World Is And What A Terrible Situation It Is And Each Person Distorts It In A Certain Way That Enables Him To Get Through. Some People Distort It With Religious Things. Some People Distort It With Sports, With Money, With Love, With Art, And They All Have Their Own Nonsense About What Makes It Meaningful, And All But Nothing Makes It Meaningful. These Things Definitely Serve A Certain Function, But In The End They All Fail To Give Life Meaning And Everyone Goes To His Grave In A Meaningless Way.

I Don't Know The Question, But Sex Is Definitely The Answer.

Isn't All Mankind Ultimately Executed For A Crime It Never Committed?

Capital Punishment

Paris Is Particularly Beautiful In The Rain. It Was Just A Nice Experience For Me, A Pleasant Experience, And I Was Able To Present It To The World Through My Eyes, Very Subjectively - Not Realistically, But Subjectively.

My Luck Is Getting Worse And Worse. Last Night, For Instance, I Was Mugged By A Quaker.

Have You Ever Noticed That Good People Sleep Better, But Bad People Seem To Have More Fun When They're Awake?

I Don't Like To Reminisce Much, And My Walls Don't Have Photographs Of Me And The Actors I Was With, Or Any Of That Stuff... I Try And Keep That Disciplined, And Just Work. There Are So Many Traps You Can Get Into, And Looking Back On Your Own Work Is Certainly One Of Them.

When I Get Up In The Morning, I Go And I Work With Beautiful Women And Charming Men And Funny Comedians And Dramatic Artists. And I'm Presented With Costumes And Great Music To Choose From And Sets. I Travel A Certain Amount Of Places, So I've Been Living In A Bubble. And I Like It.

Better Not Think Too Much. Relying More On The Body: It Is More Trustworthy.

As The Author You Know How You Want It To Appear On Screen And It's Always The Content Dictating The Form.

Do I Believe In God? I Did Until Mother's Accident. She Fell On Some Meat Loaf And It Penetrated Her Spleen.

They Were Doing The Dying Swan At The Ballet. And There Was A Rumor That Some Bookmarkers Had Drifted Into Town From Upstate New York And That They Had Fixed The Bullet. There Was A Lot Of Money Bet On The Swan To Live.

I Had An Iq Test. The Results Came Back Negative.

In Life, One Is Entitled To A Side Dish Of Either Coleslaw Or Potato Salad, And The Choice Must Be Made In Terror, With The Knowledge That Not Only Is Our Time On Earth Limited But Most Kitchens Close At Ten.

I've Always Been Interested In Being In Other People's Movies. I Never Get Any Offers.

For God Sakes, This Is A Woman I Was Married To For 10 Years. We Made Love. I'd Hold Her Head Over The Toilet Bowl When She Threw Up.

In My House I'm The Boss, My Wife Is Just The Decision Maker.

People Ask Me Whether I Think That One Day I Might Wake Up One Morning And Run Dry, But I've Had The Opposite Feeling - That I Would Die Before I Had Time To Write All The Ideas In My Drawer.

I Work All The Time Because It's A Great Distraction And It Keeps Me From Sitting Home And Obsessing Morbidly.

Last Year I Had Difficulty With My Income Tax. I Tried To Take My Analyst Off As A Business Deduction. The Government Said It Was Entertainment. We Compromised Finally And Made It A Religious Contribution.

I'm Really A Timid Person - I Was Beaten Up By Quakers

I Have A Number Of Symptoms That Are Neurotic And Are Constricting In The Sense That If I Had A Brilliant Idea For A Film That Had To Be Shot In Tulsa, Ok I Would Tear It Up And Throw It Away. Anything Outside Of New York, 'cause I Can't Exist In A Hotel Outside Of My Own Home, I Have To Be In My Own Home And My Own Environment. This Is A Neurotic Symptom That Is Constricting To My Work Even.

For Some Reason It Gives People Pleasure To Equate The Life Of Certain Movie Actors Or Actresses With Their Actual Lives.

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.

To Be A Film Director Is Not A Democracy, It's Really A Tyranny. You're The Head Of The Project, For Better Rather Than Worse. I Write The Film And I Direct The Film, I Decide Who's Going To Be In It, I Decide On The Editing, I Put In The Music From My Own Record Collection.

I Write About What I Want To Write About, And So The Film Comes Out As A Very Personal Expression Even If Its Subject Matter Is Totally Prefabricated.

When A Doctor Makes A Mistake, It's Best To Bury The Subject.

To Love Is To Suffer. To Avoid Suffering One Must Not Love. But Then One Suffers From Not Loving. Therefore, To Love Is To Suffer; Not To Love Is To Suffer; To Suffer Is To Suffer. To Be Happy Is To Love. To Be Happy, Then, Is To Suffer, But Suffering Makes One Unhappy. Therefore, To Be Happy One Must Love Or Love To Suffer Or Suffer From Too Much Happiness.

How The Hell Do I Know Why There Were Nazis? I Don't Know How The Can-opener Works.

I Do Occasionally Envy The Person Who Is Religious Naturally, Without Being Brainwashed Into It Or Suckered Into It By All The Organized Hustles.

What If Nothing Exists And We're All In Somebody's Dream?

I Tended To Place My Wife Under A Pedestal.

Sex Is Better Than Talk. Ask Anybody In This Bar. Talk Is What You Suffer Through So You Can Get To Sex.

I Spend A Lot Of Time Idly. I Go To Sporting Events, Play My Clarinet. I Practise. But If You Work Every Day, A Certain Amount On A Steady Basis, The Work Accumulates.

When The Academy Called, I Panicked. I Thought They Might Want Their Oscars Back And The Pawn Shop Has Been Out Of Business For A While.

I Think A Relationship Is Like A Shark. It Has To Constantly Move Forward Or It Dies.

Some Women Feel Power Is Important, Some Women Feel That Looks Are Important, Tenderness, Intelligence...but Sense Of Humor Seems To Permeate All Of Them.

There Are Three Rings Involved With Marriage. The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, And The Suffering.

I'm Short Enough And Ugly Enough To Succeed On My Own.

Nothing Worth Knowing Can Be Understood With The Mind.

A "bay Area Bisexual" Told Me I Didn't Quite Coincide With Either Of Her Desires.

I'm A Big Believer In Supporting The Action On Film With The Appropriate Music. It Covers A Multitude Of Sins. It's Gotten Me Out Of A Lot Of Jams, Over The Years. So, Music For Me Is A Very Big Thing In Films And I Use It Unashamedly.

History Is The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Fitness Motivational

Temporary Insanity

What Was The Scandal? I Fell In Love With This Girl, Married Her. We Have Been Married For Almost 15 Years Now.

I Am Thankful For Laughter, Except When Milk Comes Out Of My Nose.

I Love Baseball. You Know, It Doesn’t Have To Mean Anything. It’s Just Very Beautiful To Watch.

Should I Marry W.? Not If She Won't Tell Me The Other Letters In Her Name.

I Prefer The Magic To Reality, And Have Since I Was 5 Years Old. Hopefully, I Can Continue To Make Films And Constantly Escape Into Them.

The Difference Between Sex And Death Is, Death You Can Do Alone And Nobody Laughs At You.

I Don't Have To 'freedom-kiss' My Wife When What I Really Want To Do Is French-kiss Her.

I Had A Mad Impulse To Throw You Down On The Lunar Surface And Commit Interstellar Perversion With You.

Abysmal Vermin That I Am, I Couldn't Of Course Tell Her That It Was Her Incredible Mother That I Wanted To See Again… I Knew Only As I Drove Through The Cold, Night Autumn Air That Somewhere Freud, Sophocles And Eugene O’neill Were Laughing.

I Don't Get Depressed; I Grow A Tumor Instead.

When I Am In New York, I Want To Be In Europe, And When I Am In Europe, I Want To Be In New York.

I'd Call Him A Sadistic, Hippophilic Necrophile, But That Would Be Beating A Dead Horse.

I Can't Minimize The Terror Factor. As You Get Older You Get More And More Frightened Because The Terrible Indignities Of Old Age Become Closer To You.

There's No Point In Looking Back, Because There's Nothing You Can Really Do To Improve The Film. You Can Only Aggravate And Wish You Had Done Stuff Better.

Life Is Tough And It's Tough Whether You're Famous Or Not Famous. And In The End It's Probably Better To Be Famous Because The Perks Are Better. You Get Better Seats At The Basketball Game, And You Get Better Tables And Reservations Places. If I Call A Doctor On Saturday Morning I Can Get Him. There's A Lot Of Things, Indulgences That You Don't Get, If You're Not Famous. Now I'm Not Saying It's Fair. But I Can't Say That I Don't Enjoy It.

At The Trial Stubbs Chose To Act As His Own Lawyer, But A Conflict Over His Fee Led To Ill Feelings.

Life Doesn't Imitate Art, It Imitates Bad Television.

Man Was Made In God`s Image. Do You Really Think God Has Red Hair And Glasses?

Eternal Nothingness Is Fine If You Happen To Be Dressed For It.

My Lord, My Lord! What Hath Thou Done Lately?

This Year I'm A Star, But What Will I Be Next Year? A Black Hole?

Maybe The Poets Are Right. Maybe Love Is The Only Answer.

Photons Have Mass? I Didn’t Even Know They Were Catholic.

If You Meet Somebody And Are Attracted To Someone, And The Exquisite Neurons In Your Brain And Her Brain Intermesh Properly, Then Things Can Be Wonderful. It's Not Like Homework. You Don't Have To Work At The Relationship.

My Grammy Never Gave Gifts, You Know. She Was Too Busy Getting Raped By Cossacks.

There's Nothing Sexier Than A Lapsed Catholic.

I've Gained No Wisdom, No Insight, No Mellowing. I Would Make All The Same Mistakes Again, Today.

And Nietzche, With His Theory Of Eternal Recurrence. He Said That The Life We Lived We're Going To Live Over Again The Exact Same Way For Eternity. Great. That Means I'll Have To Sit Through The Ice Capades Again.

In Formulating Any Philosophy The First Consideration Must Always Be: What Can We Know? That Is, What Can We Be Sure We Know, Or Sure That We Know We Knew It, If Indeed It Is At All Knowable. Or Have We Simply Forgotten It And Are Too Embarrassed To Say Anything? Descartes Hinted At The Problem When He Wrote, 'my Mind Can Never Know My Body, Although It Has Become Quite Friendly With My Legs.

To Me There’s No Real Difference Between A Fortune Teller Or A Fortune Cookie And Any Of The Organized Religions. They’re All Equally Valid Or Invalid, Really. And Equally Helpful.

Sentence Structure Is Innate, But Whining Is Acquired.

I Keep Getting More And More Ambitious. Over The Years, To Some Degree, In Some Areas, I Feel I've Grown. In Some Areas, I Made A Fool Of Myself. In Some Areas, I Think I Can Still Do Some Funny Things.

Gauguin Flew Into A Frenzy! He Held My Head Under The X-ray Machine For Ten Straight Minutes And For Several Hours After I Could Not Blink My Eyes In Unison." — "if The Impressionists Had Been Dentists

When We Lose Twenty Pounds... We May Be Losing The Twenty Best Pounds We Have! We May Be Losing The Pounds That Contain Our Genius, Our Humanity, Our Love And Honesty.

My Heart Says One Thing. My Head Says Another. Very Hard To Get Your Heart And Head Together In Life.

What A World. It Could Be So Wonderful If It Wasn't For Certain People.

Those Modern Analysts, They Charge So Much! In My Day, For Five Marks Freud Himself Would Treat You. For Ten Marks He Would Treat You And Press Your Pants. For Fifteen Marks Freud Would Let You Treat Him - That Included A Choice Of Any Two Vegetables.

Then Job Fell To His Knees And Cried To The Lord, "thine Is The Kingdom And The Power And Glory. Thou Hast A Good Job. Don't Blow It."

You Can't Control Life. It Doesn't Wind Up Perfectly. Only-only Art You Can Control. Art And Masturbation. Two Areas In Which I Am An Absolute Expert.

It's Hard For Me To Know. I'll Think, 'i Really Brought Off My Ideas, It's Great,' And No One Sparks To It

During The Course Of The Year A Number Of Ideas Just Come Up Automatically. I Could Be Walking Down The Street. Or Shaving. An Idea Will Hit Me And I'll Write It Down. Then, When I'm Ready To Write, I Check My Little Matchbooks And Napkins And Find That It Is Good Or It's Pretty Terrible. There Are Other Times When I Don't Have Any Ideas And I'll Go Into A Room And Close The Door And I Sit And Sweat It Out For A Day Or A Month And Eventually I Come Up With [something].

If You Aren't Failing, You Aren't Trying.

I Got A Divorce Because My Ex-wife Left Me For Another Woman.

If You Can Delude Yourself By Believing That There Is Some Kind Of Santa Claus Out There Who Is Going To Bail You Out In The End, Then It Will Help You Get Through. Even If You Are Proven Wrong In The End, You Would Have Had A Better Life Than A Non-believer.

I'm A Terrible Musician. While The Band Members Are Great, I'm Tolerated And Affectionately Regarded Because I Do Movies, But If I Had To Make My Living As A Musician I Would Starve. I'm Like A Sunday Tennis Player.

I Was In Analysis For Years Because Of A Traumatic Childhood; I Was Breast-fed Through Falsies.

Since I Was A Kid, I Could Make Up Stories, I Could Make Up Funny Jokes And I Could Always Do It. When I'm Walking Down The Street Or Having Dinner, Ideas Will Hit Me, And I Write Them Down On Matchbooks Or Napkins And Throw Them In The Draw.

Don't Worry, I Know Almost Exactly What I'm Doing.

I Never Thought I Was Doing Anyone A Favour By Bringing Children Into The World. With People As Cruel To Each Other As They Are, It's A Terrible Proposition. The Best Of Lives Are Sad And Tragic. The Best Of Them. My General Conclusion Is That It's Not A Nice Thing To Do. The World Doesn't Need It. The Kid Doesn't Need It.

The Great Question Of Philosophy Remains: If Life Is Meaningless, What Can Be Done About Alphabet Soup?

Of All Human Weakness Obsession Is The Most Dangerous. And The Silliest.

Sex Is The Most Fun You Can Have Without Laughing.

You Will Notice That What We Are Aiming At When We Fall In Love Is A Very Strange Paradox. The Paradox Consists Of The Fact That, When We Fall In Love, We Are Seeking To Re-find All Or Some Of The People To Whom We Were Attached As Children. On The Other Hand, We Ask Our Beloved To Correct All Of The Wrongs That These Early Parents Or Siblings Inflicted Upon Us. So That Love Contains In It The Contradiction: The Attempt To Return To The Past And The Attempt To Undo The Past.

Falling In Love

I've Been Escaping My Whole Life. Since I Was A Little Child, I Escaped Into The Movies On The Other Side As An Audience Member. I Escaped By Going Into The Movies And Sitting In The Movies All Day Long.

His Lack Of Education Is More Than Compensated For By His Keenly Developed Moral Bankruptcy.

I Believe In Sex And Death- Two Experiences That Come Once In A Lifetime.

Interestingly, According To Modern Astronomers, Space Is Finite. This Is A Very Comforting Thought-particularly For People Who Can Never Remember Where They Have Left Things.

In Real Life, Keaton Believes In God. But She Also Believes That The Radio Works Because There Are Tiny People Inside It.

My Education Was Dismal. I Went To A Series Of Schools For Mentally Disturbed Teachers.

I Don't Fear Death. - I Just Don't Want To Be Around When It Happens.

The Dictatorship Is Shut Up, Democracy Is Always Concerned.

Sex On Twitter Can't Hurt You - Unless You Fall Off.

Basically My Wife Was Immature. I'd Be At Home In The Bath And She'd Come In And Sink My Boats.

The Most Important Words In The English Language Are Not 'i Love You' But 'it's Benign.'

Man Cannot Live By Bread Alone. Every Once In Awhile He Needs A Salad.

When You Write The Script, You're Home In A Room By Yourself, And You're Writing, And There's No Connection With The Real Performing World. So You Get A Lot Of Things Wrong And Make A Lot Of Mistakes And Make A Lot Of Bad Choices.

One Of The Wonderful Things About Making A Film Of Any Genre Is That You Have Dialogue. You Can Take Up A Position. If You Want To Say Something About Your Position, You Can Just Say It. You Don't Have To Spend Massive Amounts Of Screen Time.

Believing Would Be Easier If God Would Show Himself By Depositing A Million Dollars In A Swiss Bank Account In My Name

Take The Money And Run.

Once Munching Has Begun, Schopenhauer Held, The Human Will Cannot Resist Further Munching, And The Result Is A Universe With Crumbs Over Everything.

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